TIIK TIMKS, NRW BLOOM Fl KM), PA.' MAY 'A, IH81.
RAILROADS.
PHILADELPHIA AND READING R.R
ABKANllEMKNT OF PAB8ENU EKTRAINB
NOVEMBEuTsth, 1880.
Trains Leave llurrlsburg as Follow :
For New York via Allentown, at 8.03 . m.
and 1.45 p. in.
For New York via Philadelphia and "Bound
Brook Koiitu," tf.cl), R.no a. m. and I.4S p. in.
For Philadelphia, at H.uu, .05, (tliruugh oar),
9.50 a. m., 1.4."am 4 ouu. in. ... ,
For Heading, at u.U0, tk, O.fOa. m., 1.43, 4.00,
and 8.0H p. m. , .
For rottsvllle. nt B.oo, R.03, 0 50 a. m. and 4.no
E. m., and via bchuvlklll and Susquehanna
ranch ui i.tn p. in. For Auburn, at 6.30 a. in.
For Alleiituwu.at6.Uo, 8.0o, .ooa. m., 140 and
1.00 p. in. . , .
The 8.03 a. m. and 1.43 p. m. trains have
through ears for Aew Vol k, via Allenlown.
SUNDAYH :
For Allentown and Way Station, at 8 00 a. nt.
Kor Heading, Phildeluphlu, and Way Stations,
at 1.43 p. in.
Trains Leave for Ihurlsburg ns Follows t
Leave NewYork via Allcntown, 8 lft a. m . 1.00
aud 6 30 p. in.
Leave New York via "Bound Brook lloute.and
Philadelphia at 7.43 a. in., 1.30 and n.3u p. m., ar
riving at llarrlsourg, 1.60, 8.20 p. in., and
12.36 a.m.
Leave Phil delplila. nt 9.45 a. in., 4.00 and
7.43 p. m.
Leave Poilsvllle. " OH. (,10 a. in. and 4.40 p. m.
Leave Heading, at 4.&D, S.uo.ll.fioa. in., l.3i ,0.13,
and 10.35 p, in .
Leave Pottsvllle via Schuylkill ami Susquehanna
Branch, 8.3ua. in. , , . ,
Leave Allentowu, at 0.23, 9.00 a. nt., 12.10, 4.30,
and 9.06 p. in.
SUNDAYS:
Leave New York, at 5 So p. in.
Leave Philadelphia, at 7.45 p. in.
Leave Heading, ut H.mi a. in. and 10.35 p. m.
Leave Allentowu. at 9.05 p. in.
BALDWIN BRANCH.
Ltave HARRISBUKO for Paxton, Loclileland
Steelton dally, except Sunday, at 3.25. 6 40, 9.35
a. m., and2.uo p. m i dally, except Saturday and
Sunday, at 6.45 p. in., and on Saturday only, 4.45,
6.10, 9.30 p. in.
Returning, leave STEELTON dally, except
Sunday, at 0.10, 7.W, 10.00 a. in., 2.20 p. m. dally,
except Saturday and Sunday, 6 10 p. in., and on
Saturday only fi.10,6.30, 0,5op. m.
J. E. WOOTTEN, Gen. Manager.
O.G.Hancock, General Passenger and Ticket
Agent.
HE MANSION HOUSE,
New Bloomfleld, L'enn'a.,
GEO. F. ENSMINGER, Proprietor.
HAVING leased this property and furnished It
In a comfortable manner, lask a share of the
public patronage, and assure my friends who stop
with me that every exertion will be made to
render their stay pleasant.
- A careful hostler always In attendance.
April 9, 1878. tf
Battle Creek, Michigan,
MAKCrAOIOBEM OF SHI OKLI ttXHUIN
THRESHERS,
Traction and Plain Engines
and Horse-Powers.
Uot Complete Thi-wlier Factor l Established
niaoworl, 1848
Q0
Vf I DO of con Hnvmta an d gvocetxfv Ibuti-
I tHnu neu. without chaniro of nai
mj xnanaKenwrnt, or location, to bark vp " (A
' name.
invuwwwinntjf yivnnvituitvin jtwih.
Complete Stcntu iititfitnof matchless qua1Hir.
JifiMfTmrtion Kncinen and Plain fens in ea
ever seen in the American market.
A muUitwle of special features ana improvements
fT 1881. together with superior qualities in construc
tion and materials not dreamed of by other Tnnkpm.
Four Bizes of Separators, from G to 1)2 borse
capacity, for steam or herse power.
Two sty lea of " Mounted " Uowe-Powem.
7K( ADA Frot of Hclected K timber
VUV)UVv from three to six years mir-dried)
conRtantlv on hand, from which is built th in
comparable woodwork of our machinery.
TRACTION ENGINES
Strongest, most durable, and efficient ever
vMkfc. 11, 13 Horse rower
Former nnd ThreKhermen ro Invited to
fnvostlfrato thlH mnlchUm ThrosliUiir Machinery.
Circular rnt f roe. Adilr.
NICHOLS, SHEPARD & CO.
Battle Creek, Michigan.
XT 1Z
TINTED GLOSS
PAINT !
make experiments on your bullilliiutiwllh nntiied
and unreliable amines at jour expense.
DON'T
'for water ana benzine tUO to $.'.C0 per gallon.
ro iiuv
the 1,131s reliable and guaranteed Tin'ed Gloss
CI euUr a:il Sa nple Cards of rain", mailed on
application.
JOHN LUCAS & CO,
HI North Thud Street,
13 Hin rhnartwlplila. Ta.
REM NAUTs of PHINTK of tliese we have
a Wrue tiiantity K,j biIk.
In addition to tlieabove Kods wa have a nice
assortment ot Ladles fleck! leu. Cornvu, tienimii
lown arn. Zephyis. Klioes lor Ladies and C'hil
orbn.aiid tliimiands of inker arlielpo.
KHtllMlH,
Kew iilooiiiBeld, Ta.
?,rH . i, Jt.WfSf I
The Much Married Potts.
BISHOP POTTS of Halt Lake Cily
was the husband of three wives
and the happy father of llfteen Interest
ing children. Early in the winter the
bishop determined that his little ones
should have a good time on Christmas,
so he concluded to take a trip down to
Ban Francisco to see what he could find
In the shape of toys to gratify and
amuse them. The good bishop packed
his carpet-bnff, embraced Mrs. Potts oue
by oue, kissed each one of them alTeo
tlonately, and started upon his Journey.
He was gone a little more than a week
and when he came back he had fifteen
mouth-organs for his darlings. He got
out of the tralu at Salt Lake, thinking
how Joyous and exhlluratlng it would be
at home on Christmas morning when
the whole of those mouth-organs should
be in operation upon diflernt tunes at
the same moment. But Just as lie enter
ed the depot he saw a group of women
standing in the ladles' room apparently
waiting for him. As soon as he ap
proached, the whole twenty of them
rushed up, threw their arms about ills
neck exclaiming:
" Oh, Theodore, we are so glad so
glad you have come back. Welcome
home I Welcome home, dear, dear
Theodore 1 Welcome once more to the
bosom of your family 1" and then the
entire score of them fell upon his neck
and cried over his shirt and mussed
him.
The bishop was surprised and confur
ed. Struggling to disengage himself he
blushed and said :
" Really, ladles, this kind of thing is
well enough Is interesting and all that,
but there must be some kind of a, that
is, an awkward sort of a excuse me
ladies, but there seems to be a slight
misunderstanding about the, ah I am
Bishop Potts."
" We know it, we know it dearest,"
they exclaimed in a chorus, "and we
are glad to see you safe, safe at home.
We have all been right well while you
were away, love."
" It gratifies me," remarked the bish
op, "to learn that none of you have
been a prey to disease. I am filled with
blissfull serenity when I contemplate
the fact ; but really I do not understand
why you should rush into the railway
station and hug me because your livers
are active and your digestion good. The
precedent is bad ; it is dangerous.
" Oh, but we didn't I" they exclaimed
in chorus, "we came here to welcome
you as our husband."
" Pardon me but there must be some
little that is to say, as it were, I should
think not. . Women, you must have
mistaken your man."
" Oh, no dearest," they shouted, "we
were married to you while you were
away."
" Wh what 1" exclaimed the bishop,
"you don't mean to say that"
" Yes, love. Our hiiBband, William
Brown, died on Monday, and on Tues
day Brigham had a vision in which he
was directed to Beal us to you ; and so
he performed the ceremony by proxy."
" Th-th-th-th-under!" observed the
bishop in a general sort of a way.
" And darling, we are all living with
you now we and the dear children."
" Children 1 children 1" exclaimed
Bishop Potts, turning pale, "you don't
mean to say that there is a pack of chil
dren too V"
" Yes love but only one hundred and
twenty-five, not counting the eight
twins and the triplets."
" Wha-wha-what de ye say V" gasped
the bishop, in a cold presplratlon ; "one
hundred and twenty-five children and
twenty more wives. It Is too much it
is awful !" and the bishop sat down and
groaned while the late Mrs. Brown, the
bride, stood around in a semicircle and
fanned him with their bonnets, all ex
cept a red haired one, and she in her
trepidation made a futile effort to fau him
wilh the coal scuttle.
After a while the Bishop became rec
onciled to his new alliance, knowing
well that his protests would he unavail
ing ; so he walked home holding as
many of the little hands of the bride as
he could conveniently grasp in his,
while the red haired woman carried his
umbrella, and marched in front of the
parade to remove obstructions and scare
small boys.
When the bishop reached the houte
he went round among the cradles which
filled the back parlor and the second
story rooms, and attempted with suclr
earnestness, to become acquainted with
his new sons and daughters that he
set the whole one hundred and twenty
five sous and daughters and the twins to
crying, while his own fifteen stood
arouud and joined in the chorus.
Then the bishop went out and sat on
the garden fence to whittle a stick and
solemnly think, while Mrs. Potts dis
tributed herself In twenty-three places
and soothed the children. It occurred
to the bishop while he mused out there
on the fence, that he hadn't enough of
moiith organs to go round among the
children, us the family now stood ; and
so rather than to seem partial, he deter
mined to go back to Han Francisco for
one hundred and forty more.
Ho the bishop repacked his carpet-bag
and began again to bid farewell to his
family. He tenderly kissed all of the
Mrs. Potts who were at home, aud start
ed for the depot, while Mrs. Potts stood
at the various windows and waved
handkerchiefs at him all except the
woman with the warm hair, and she, in
a fit of absent-mindedness, held one of
the twins by the legs brandishing It at
Potts as he tore down the street.
The bishop reached Ban Francisco,
completed bis purchase and was Just
about to get on the train with his one
hundred and forty mouth-organs, when
a telegram was handed to him. It con
tained Information to the ellect that
the auburn-haired Mrs. Potts had Just
had a daughter. This information in
duced the bishop to return to the city
for an additional organ.
On the following Baturday he returned
home. As he approached the house a
swarm of young children flew out of the
front gnte and ran toward him shout
lug: "There's pa! Here comes pa! Oh,
pa, we are so glad to see you ! Hurrah
for our pa !" etc.
The bishop looked at the children as
they all flocked around him, and clung
to his legs and coat and was astonished
to perceive that they were neither his
nor the late Brown's. Then he said:
" You youngsters have made a mis
take; I'm not your father;" and the
bishop smiled good-naturedly.
" Oh, but you are !" screamed the lit
tle ones in chorus.
" But I say I am not," said the bishop
severely and frowning ; "don't you know
where little story-tellers go V It is scan
dalous to violate the truth in this man
ner. My name Is Totts."
" Yes, we kuow it is," said the chil
dren "we know it Is and so is ours;
that's our name Blnce the wedding."
" BInce what wedding?" demanded
the bishop turning pale.
" Why, ma's wedding, of course.
Bhe was married yesterday to you by
Mr. Young, and we are now living at
your house with our new little brothers
and sisters."
The bishop sat down on the pavement
and asked.
" Who was your father?"
" Mr. Blmpson," said the crowd, "and
he died on Tuesday."
"And how many of his infernal old
widows I mean how many of your
mothers are there in the house?"
" Only twenty-seven," replied the
children, "and there are only sixty-four
of us, we're awful glad you have come."
The bishop didn't seem unusually
glad; he failed somehow to enterinto the
enthusiasm of the occasion. There ap
peared to be in a certain sense, too much
sameness about these surprises, so he
sat there with his hat pulled over his
eyes and considered the situation. Final
ly seeing there was no help for it, he
lushed up to the house, and forty-eight
of the Mrs. Potts rushed up to him, and
told him how the prophet bad had an
other vislon,in which he was command
ed to seal Simpson's widow to Potts.
Then the poor bishop stumbled around
among cradles to his writing desk.w here
he felt among the gum rings and rattles
for his writing paper, and then addressed
a note to Brigham, asking him as a per
sonal favor to keep a awake until after
Christmas.
" The man must take me for a found
ling hospital."
The bishop saw clearly enough, that
if he gave presents. to the other children
and not to the late Simpson's the bride
relict of Simpson would probably souse
down upon him. So repacking his carpet-bag,
he started again for San Fran
cisco for Bixty-four more mouth-organs
while Mrs. Potts gradually took leave of
him in the entry all but the red-haired
woman, who was upstairs, and who had
to be satisfied with screeching good by
at the top of her voice.
On his way home.after his last visit to
San Francisco, the bishop sut in the car
by the side of a man who had left Suit
Lake the day before. The stranger was
communicative. In the course of the
conversation he remarked to the bishop:
"That was a lively little afl'uir up
there In the city on Monday."
" What aflair ?" asked Potts.
"Why the wedding; McUrath's wid
ow you know married by proxy."
"You don't say," replied the bishop.
" I did not know McOrath was dead."
" Yes ; he died on Sunday, and that
night Brigham had a vision In which be
was ordered to seal her to the bishop."
" Bishop !" exclaimed Potts. " Bish
op! wh-what bishop?"
" Well you see, there were fifteen of
Mrs. McOrath and eighty-two children,
and they shoved th whole lot on old
Potts. Perhaps you know him."
The bishop gave a wild, unearthly
ebrlek and went Into a hysterical fit and
fell on the floor and writhed as if he had
the hydrophobia. When he recovered,
he leaped from the train aud walked
back to Bun Francisco He afterwards
took the first steamer for Peru, where
he entered the monastery and became a
celibate.
His carpet-bag was sent to his fumlly.
It contained the balance of the mouth
organs. On Christmas morning they
wete distributed among them, and In
less than two hours the entire two hun
dren and eight children were sick from
sucking the paint ofT them. A doctor
was called In and lie seemed so much
Interested In the family that Brigham
divorced the whole concern from old
Potts and annexed It to the doctor, who
Immediately lost his reason and would
have butchered the entire family If the
red-haired woman and the oldest boy
had not marched him on" to an insane
asylum, where he spent his time trying
to arrive at an estimate of the number
of his children by cyphering with an
Impossible combination of the multipli
cation table and algebra.
Not So Strange.
An exchange tells the following :
A curious story is told of the Itev. Mr.
Williams, an old time minister, at Dud
ley, Mass. It is related that when mid
way in his sermon on a sultry Sunday
he heard the eound of distant thunder;
he glanced out the window once or
twice, stopped preaching and remarked :
Brethren, I observe that your brother
Crosby Is not prepared for the rain. I
think it is our duty to help our brother
Crosby get his hay in before theshower."
Stepping down from the pulpit he went
with several of the brethren to the hay
field, and worked there for half an hour,
when the hay was housed. Then, re
turning to the church, he took up the
thread of his sermon where he had left
it, and preached straight through ' flf
teenthly" and "finally" wlihoutommis
slon. There is nothing so very strange about
the above. It was always a New Eng
land custom, and the editor of this
paper has been taken home in a hurry
from church to take in hay threatened
by a storm, on several occasions when
he was a boy and on one occasion while
living with an elder of the church was
taken home by him in the middle of the
sermon for the same purpose.
Why It Pays to Read.
One's physical frame his body, his
muscles, his feet, his hands is only a
living machine. It is bis mind controll
ing and directing that machine, that
gives it power and efficacy. The suc
cessful use of the body depends wholly
upon the mind upon its ability to di
rect the will. If one ties his arm in a
sling it becomes weak and finally pow
erless. Keep it in active exercise, aud
it acquires vigor and strength, and is
disciplined to use this strength as desir
ed, just as one's mind, by active exercise
in thinking, reasoning, studying, ob
serving, acquires vigor, strength, pow
er of concentration aud direction.
Plainly, then, the man who exercises
his mind in reading and thinking gives
it greater power and efficiency, and
greater ability to direct the efforts of the
phyical frame his work to better re
sults than he can who merely or mainly
uses his muscles. If a man reads a book
or paper, even one he knows to be erro
neons, it helps him by the effort to com
bat the errors. The combat invigorates
his mind.
Of all men, the farmer, the cultivator,
needs to read more to strengthen the
reasoning powers, so that they will help
out and make more effective his hard
toll.
A Good use for Torpedoes.
It is reported that a party of body
snatchers met w'lth an unexpectedly
warm reception in Plain City, Ohio, on
Sunday night p. week. Not long ago a
daughter of Itussel O'Harrell died and
was burled in the cemetery of that
place, and a torpedo was placed iu the
grave for the purpose of interfering
with any attempt to remove the re
mains. On Sunday night some scoun
drels or devotees of medical science ns
they would probably prefer to be called,
were endeavoring to steal the body,
when the torpedo exploded. The
ground for a considerable distance
around the grave was torn up, and the
indications are that the desecrators were
injured by the explosion, one of them
perhaps fatally. A few more experien
ces of this kind would probably con
vince the men engaged in this devilish
business that the science of anatomy
can get along without robbing grave
yurds. Worth Rememberinrj.
Now that good times are again upon
us; before Indulging in extravagant
show, it is worth remembering that no
one can enjoy the pleasantest surroun
dings if in bad health. There are hun
dreds of miserable people going about
to-day with disordered stomach, liver
or kidneys, or a dry, hacking cough,
and one foot In the grave, when a 50 ct.
bottle of Parker's Ginger Tonic would
do them more good than all the expen
sive doctors aud quack medicines they
have ever tried. It always makes the
blood pure and rich, aud will build you
up aud give you good health at little
cost. Bead of it in another column. s-it
SUNDAY READING.
A Good Recommendation.
" Please, sir, don't you want a cablii
boy ?"
" I do want a cabin boy, my lad ; but
what's that to you ? A little chap like
you ain't fit for the berth."
" Oh, sir, I'm real strong. I can do a
good deal, If ain't so very old."
" But what are you here for ? You
don't look like a city boy. Bun away
from home, hey ?"
" Oh, no, indeed, sir; my father died,
and my mother Is very poor,and I want
to do something to help her. Hhe let
me come."
" Well, sonny, where are your letters
of recommendation y Can't take any
body without those."
Here was a damper. Willie had nev
er thought of it being necessary to have
letters from his minister, or from some
other proper person to prove to strangers
that he was an honest, good boy. Now
what should he do t He stood in deep
thought the captain meanwhile curious
ly watching the workings of his expres
sive face. At length he put his hand
into his boson and drew out his little
Bible,and without saying a word, put it
into the captain's hand. The captain
opened to the blank leaf and read.
" Willie Graham, presented as a re
ward for regular and punctual attend
ance at Sabbath school, and for his
blameless conduct there and elsewhere.
Captain M'Leod could not consider
the case before him with a heart unmov
ed. The little fatherless child, standing
humbly before him, referring him to
the testimony of his Bunday school
teacher, as It was given in his little
Bible, touched a spot in the breast of the
noble seaman, and clapping Willie on
shoulder, he said :
" You are the boy for me ; you shall
sail with me, and if you are as good a
lad as I think you are, your pockets
shan't be empty when you get back to
your good mother."
Conundrums Answered by Bible Names..
1. A knot of ribbon and a conjunc
tion. 2. A serpentine and a pronoun.
3. An article belonging to a gentle
man's outfit.
4. A plant and the Scotch name for
mountain.
, 5. A fish and an implementof torture.
G. A German coin.
7. A bird and a convulsion.
6. What au old man said when he
wanted his son to escort some .young
ladles home.
0. An article and a bank to confine
water.
10. Bodies of salt water and a part of
an irregular verb.
11. A heavenly body, an exclamation,
and the highest order of animals.
12. A time of day.
13. A pronoun and the opposite of
even.
14. The capital of a country in Eu
rope. 15. A Latin adjective.
1G. One who subdues animals.
17. A kind of grass.
IS. An article used for the dead.
10. A boy's name and a latin prepo
sition. i'0. An expression of care and the
Scotch name for a girl.
21. The French name for a thorough
fare and a commotion.
'22. A piece of ground.
23. What a man says to an ox and to
chop a tree.
24. The name of a Confederate gener
al and an exclamation.
25. A negative and the two.
-G. A kind of gambling.
27. A cooking utensil, a pronoun and
a long distance.
2H. What horses have to do when
they have a heavy load.
L9. What a girl is sometlnes called
and an epoch.
30 A mau's nickname and a male
child.
31. A pronoun, a kind . of grain and
an exclamation.
32. The top of a mountain and an ex
clamation. 33. An article, a firm hold and your
paternal ancestor.
The Soldier Monk.
In the Carthusian Monastry of Mon
treal sur-Mer is a monk who was for
merly a Russian general. Before embra
cing the religious life, the general was
received in private audience by the Rus
sian Czar, aud thus addressed his Czar
ship: "Sire, I come to bring my dismis
sion." "At your age," said the Emperor,
"and what is the reason ?"
" Because, having served your majes
ty for number of years, I wish now to
devote my life to the service of another
sovereign."
"What is this! You wish to serve
somebody else than me? Who Is it?"
"God, sire."
"Oh, that is another thing! I cannot
but highly approve of it, and you will
receive your full pay as a general."
And for a number of years the pay of
a general was sent annually from the Im
perial Exchequer of Russia to the Car
thusian convent a3 Moutreuil. T he
prior of this convent was himself for
merly a. captain iu the French artillery.
. J.