2
THE TIMES, NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA., Al'ltlL 12, 188L
Ted's Account of New Year's.
A Goo 8tory Well Told.
pY-THE-WAY," Bald Mr. Bamuel
J) Ologg, ' I have ft letter from little
Ted. It'a quite a heavy one, you tee, for
a chap of ten ; but I can't make out
suoh a mass of scrawl. Here mamma,
suppose you read It."
Before Mrs. Gloss could reach out her
hand, Uncle Joe, Mr. Gloss' bachelor
brother, Interfered with, " Let me have
the boy's letter; I always did like that
young scamp of yours."
After smiling at the down hill ten
dency of the superscription, Uncle Joe
soon became absorbed over the pages
that began in text hand, oontlnued in
spider tracks, and at last rose to the
dignity of hieroglyphics.
The Gloss family, tired out after the
holiday season, were having a domestic
evening in the dining room. The
library, artlatlcally'hung In old Spanish
leather, lacked the embellishments that
grow out of daily use; aud oppressed
one like a great bronae extinguisher;
the long drawing-room, the convention,
al New York parlor, was too like a
mammoth and splendid hearse to ad
mit even of Its proprietors feeling at
home in it. So about the dining table
were gathered Tapa and Mamma Gloss,
t he Misses Lou and llosle Gloss, Mr.
Sorghum, a gentleman of many smiles
and compliments, of many suits of line
clothing, of a dog cart, and a gorgeous
living generally, and Uncle Joe, unmar
ried, crusty and rich. There was also a
young fellow named Fred. Tremaine,
but he was only a chap in papa's ofllce
at a small salary. Though he had six
good feet of uncommonly good looks,
still he was very modest. "And no
wonder," as Lou whispered to Itosie.
He ought to be. Twelve hundred a
year, indeed 1"
Sorghum remarked in his sweetest
tones, " How seldom a poor dog of a
bachelor like me has the chance of en
joying a happy family gathering !"
A sigh, carefully given out for only
Itosie to hear, was a graceful hint of his
dissatisfaction with a bachelor's ex
istence. Mamma Gloss clapped her plump
hands In a little ecBtacy, and answered :
" Nb one can have any Idea of the peace
and content of family life." ' A smile
both maternal aud encouraging showed
that Mr. Sorghum was an approved
candidate for the position of son-in-law.
Lou, who was clever, and had a lofty
bearing, a marble-white skin, aud won
derful rows of coal-black scallops on her
pretty forehead, made a properly In
nocent and girlish comment on the
bachelor remark ; but Itosie, who was a
confiding blonde, with big gray' eyeB,
said nothing, and kept on with her
crochet work. Sorghum used inwardly
a warm emollient of Wall street Invect
ive, and wished himself the Afghan
stripe that could so hold herattention.
. Just then Charlie Hedge (of the youug
stock brokerage firm of Hedge & Sor
ghum) dropped in, and nodding famil
iarly to his partner, joined1 the family
circle by taking a place at Lou's side.
He exclaimed:
"How joliy! A regular boom in
domestic evenings, eh( Miss Lou V"
Now Uncle Joe was sixty at least,
tall, grizzled, clean shaved, heavy brow
ed, with a cast iron look that seemed
expressly made to withstand humbug,
and a steel cold, sharp eye that could
pierce the neatest coating of sham. Hav
ing at last finished his reading, he sat a
while shading his face with his hand;
then looked up suddeuly, as if he had
made up his mind to something, cast a
searching and discomforting glance
aroun,d the table, aud asked :
" Who would like to hear Teddy's
letter V" '
" I," said Sorghum, with the liveliest
interest. "Ted must be a capital boy.
Tie is your brother." (This last in an
aside to Itosie.)
" Fine boy," confirmed Hedge. " Saw
him here New Year's. So cheeky.
heek is business capital. Ted will
succeed. Let's have the letter."
" I think my Teddy is very bright,"
, remarked Mrs. Gloss, "and so I always
keep him away at school, where he has
the best advantages."
" Yes," answered Uncle Joe, with an
inscrutable intonation, "boarding school
is such an advantage to a child of ten."
. "Oh, yes, undoubtedly," sighed mam
ma, with a pensive look at the diamonds
on her nice fat fingers ; "and we mothers
sacrifice everything to the good of our
dear children."
Uncle Joe coughed noisily, and then
asked :
"Are you all sure you want to hear
the letter, and that you'll elt still until
the end
Quite an amiable clamor of voices
assented, so he began the epistle, which
ran in this wise :
Dkau Father and Mother : Pro
fessor Whacker gave us a subject for our
first com position when we came after
the holidays. He said we must write
an aooount of New Year's, and put Into
It all we saw and heard while we were
at home at New Year time. Wo I wrote
mine, and yesterday he gave it baok to
me with "very good" marked on It, and
he said for me not to , leave it lying
around loose, so I guess he thought It
was pretty good, and I guess I will send
it to you, so as you can see I make some
Jirogress. I brush my teeth very care
ully every night, aud I am entirely out
of pocket money. Your afT. son,
Teddy.
A murmur of amused admiration went
around, and every one composed him
self, with a smile, for further listening.
AN ACCOUNT OF NEW YEAIt's,
" Boys and girls have fun at Christ
mas, and have presents In their stock
ings, etc.,' but New Year's lime Is for
grown folks. Christmas Eve children
have lots of fun ; so I think grown folks
ought to have fun New Year's Eve. I
don't want to be mean about anything,
so I didn't answer back anything to my
sister Iiou when she called me a horrid,
troublesome boy, for sitting down in
her room after dinner.
" New Year's Eve she was scolding a
little woman, who was a dressmaker,
and had brought a long-trailed pink
dress home somehow fixed up wrong,
and she had her hair all In little iron
gridirons to make It 'skullup' nice the
next day."
Miss Lou flushed, then laughed aloud
nervously, to bIiow that she enjoyed the
joke. Uncle Joe, without so much as a
quiver of his bushy eyebrows, . went
on ; i .
" Itosie was sitting with her feet curl
ed up under her, eating candy and
reading a story book, in her room. She
said, Go away, Teddy,' and ma, she
was in her room having a row with
Camll, the maid, about her clothes, and
she said, Go away, Teddy,' then, too.
I said, Where shall I go?" and she
said, You may go to the club and find
your father.' I know where Phoenix
Club is just round the corner but
father was busy playing cards with
some men, and he said, 'Go sit down,
my sou.'
" So I sat down and looked at some
pictures; there were two men talking,
and I guess they didn't know me, but
they knew my sisters good, 'cause one
says, Charlie you go in for Lou if you
can Btand her temper, and I'll go In for
the blondy, then we will make old man
Gloss settle our bills.' 'I'll brake her
temper ir I get her,' says Charlie, 'and I
will get more capital for the firm'.
'Blondy is meek and will stay at home
and not interfere with me, I guess,' says
the other fellow; 'any way, we will
share the profits.' "
A funeral silence fell upon the room.
Hedge looked unnaturally child-like and
unconscious. Sorghum pulled his mous
tache over a bad imitation of a smile.
" Then father he after a while he got
up and put on his coat to go home, and
juBt outside the door of the club house a
man said something to father and father
he said lots of swearwords that ain't
allowed boys in Professor Whacker's
school, and it was all about a settle
ment. " And father said he hadn't got the
money for It, so I thought it was a New
Year's present that man wanted pa to
buy him.
"Then we went home. Mother says
to pa, The girls will look elegant to
morrow, and they wlU be sure to catch
something worth while at last.'
" Father says they had better catch it
pretty quick then, for things 1b coming
to an end. Then all of a sudden pa
pounced on me and sent me to bed.
" The next day, which was New
Year's, nobody eat breakfast down stairs
but me and father. Father looked
splendid, and so did I. We had on our
best clothes and the carriage was ready
to take us calling. When ma and the
girls came down they were beautiful,
especially Lu, though I like Rosy best.
" Ma said, 'What do you think of our
chickabiddies,' and then kissed him.
"Pa said, 4 Humph I' And we went
out and he banged the door."
Mr. Gloss used every wilo to turn
Uncle Joe's attention ; but ho went on
mercilessly:
" Some of the ladies we called on were
old and some were young. The old
ones, mostly, had no necks to their
dresses and a good many had awful pink
cheeks, and had dirty eyes with black
smudge under them.
" But pa said the same thing every
where. "'How charming you are to-day,' pa
said to all of them, and he bowed and
bowed. And he laughed and bobbed
around and looked silly. Then he came
out and Jumped into the carriage aud
said swear words again. '
" Said 1, 4 Is it fun to make calls, pa V
44 4 It's a'nulsance,' answered pa. So
I said, 4 Well, why do you do it, pa V
" 4 Society,' returned pa. Then I
asked who society was, and pa said
'Nuisance' again, and told me to hold
my tongue.
" Then we went to see an ugly old
woman with lots of diamonds. She
wanted to kiss me and I wouldn't let
her. Afterward pa scolded me and said
she was Mist Koopons and that I must
always kiss suoh a rloh old lady. I
then asked pa If he was sick, and when
he said he wasn't, I told him I heard
Miss Koopons call him a sick orphant.
"And father said more swear words
and told the ooaohman to drive me
home. Ma and the fclrls, and two men
were In the parlor. The two men were
the same that talked about Lu and Rosy
at the club. The big feller with the
moustache told Rosy she was a 'cruel
darling,' and she turned her back to
him.
"Then ma pinched Rosy't arm and
said she was a little fool and had no
feeling for her family. Rosy cried softly
right down ou the macaroons. I was
eating all the cake I wanted and nobody
took notice of me.
" Charlie forgot all about Lu't temper,
I suppose, because he said to her, 'My
beautiful queen, I will be a good aud
obedient husband.' Lu laughed and hit
him with her fan. Then lots more came
In and they all looked silly like father.
All the old men told ma she looked like
Rosy's sister, but that ain't so, because
ma Is awful fat."
By this time the whole company had
risen and were trying to Interrupt the
reading; when Uncle Joe, In a voice of
thunder, commanded attention. They
all fell back into their seats, and re
mained, with many curious changes of
countenance, silent to the end.
"Then night came on and Lu and
RoBy went up stairs and put more white
powder on their faces, and looked Into
the glass at their back hair. Lu said
Rosy ought to marry Mr. Boregum be
cause he was rich and Lu said she was
going to marry Mr. Hedge as he was
rich, and she Bald he was an old fool,
and then they went down stairs.
"A big, tall young man came Into the
library, where I had my candles, and
Rosy said out loud, 4 1 want to show you
this nice room.' They were behind the
door and he said, 4 Haven't you got any
New Year's for me, Rosy V" And she
said, 4 Yes, Fred,' and she gave him a
kiss behind the door. He said, 'Oh,
Rosy, If I were only rich I' Then ma
came into the hall and they ran out and
looked silly too.
" Then I went to sleep sitting on my
bundle f caudles and when ma woke
me up everybody had gone away and
ma said she hated New Years, and Lu
said the men were all monkeys, and
Rosy had a headache. Then I went to
bed but something had made me awful
sick, though I don't believe it was cake,
and I went to Rosy's room softly. . She
was crying and sitting on the floor by
the fire; then I went into ma's room
and she was crying, too, and pa was
saying, 4 We are living on a : volcano I
tell you.'
" I was a little scared because volca
noes burn you all up and are very dan
gerous. Ma says, 'Samuel, I can't help
it, the girls must dress, and we must
keep up appearances;' says I, ' Ma, why
can't we move ofTthe volcano and buy a
new house up to Central Park.
" Pa says, 4 Where did that young
scamp come from,' and then the floor
jumped up and hit me, and ma said it
was because I had ate too much terrash.
"And I was awful sick all night. The
next morning Camll, the maid, helped
me get up and said I was. to go right off
to school again and the coachman was
to take care of me. I went to say goodby
to Lu ; she was in bed with gridirons in
her hair, eating lots of breakfast. Rosy
kissed mo ; her eyes were all red, and
she said, 4 Teddy dear, they are breaking
my heart,' and I promised her when I
grew up I would lick them all.
44 1 like Rosy pretty well considering
she is my sister. Pa and ma were shut
up In the library and pa had lots of little
papers on the table.
" He said look at them.
"Dresses, bonnets, finery, jewelry, I
can't pay them, I tell you we are living
beyond our means. So everybody is,
says ma, but the girls will marry well.
Says pa, look at Rosy, she Is ia love
with that good looking rascal ou twelve
hundred a year.
" She shan't have him, says ma, now
don't be a brute and cut down expenses,
perhaps Joe will help you out'. 'My
brother Joe is a stingy old cur,' says pa.
'And If he knows we are head and ears
over in debt be would not leave Ted a
cent' '
" 'I don't want a cent pa,' says I, 'five
cents ain't much and a cent ain't noth
ing, aud Uncle Joe is au old bear,' says
I. 'O, send the boy to school he makes
me crazy,' says pa, and ma kissed me
in a hurry and pushed me along to the
door.
" Pa had his head buried in his hands
and was saying, 'ruined, ruined, and all
for appearances.' So I am tired of writ
ing suoh a long composition, and the
coachman took me back to school and
that is all I know about New Years."
Uncle Joe quietly folded up the scrawl
and looked out from under the thatch
of his eyebrows at Hedge, who, glanoing
at Lou, and seeing she was dangerous,
silently left the room and the house.
Sorghum followed, also, politely escort
ed to the door by Uncle Joe's steady
gare. The method failed with ' Fred
Tremaine, for the look only tent him as
far its Rosle'i side; where he sat down
with determination. Mrs. Gloss was
sobbing hysterically, and her husband
seemed Inclined to drop down dead.
"Well," Uncle Joe began, "well,
aren't you a pa6k of Idiots to sacrifice
your oomforti and honesty for this
wretched show of fashionable lifer Now
I've always disappointed you In the
money way, and I'll do it still." Mr.
Sam Gloss trembled. "I'll do It still;
for you think I'm going to see you go
to ruin, and I won't. I will look over
matters with you, Sam, and find out
how I can put you on your legs again.
But stop this high pressure living, and
give this girl, Rosle, to Tremaine, who
Is a a good fellow, if he is poor."
Rose and Fred tried to say some words
of thanks, but falling to do Justice to
their feelings, consoled each other by
clasping hands.
" There is worse misery than pover
ty," Uncle Joe went on, "and Miss Lou
had better cast about for some good boy
at a thousand-dollar salary, for no more
brokers will desire her dowry , to mend
their capital. As for Ted," and Uncle
Joe rose to go Into the library, "he's an
example to all young writers exact,
truthful, Impartial. I value his manu
script. I shall keep him in pocket
mouey, and make him my heir."
Profitable Politeness.
THE Boston Traveler, in commenting
on the prevalence of rudeness, tells
the following incident that happened
some years ago: .
There was a plainly dressed, elderly
lady, who was a frequent customer at
the then leading dry goods store in Bos
ton. No one in the store knew her
even by name. All the clerks but one
avoided her, and gave their attention to
those who were better dressed and more
pretentious. ' '
The exception was a young man who
had a conscientious regard for system
and duty. He never left another custo
mer to wait on the lady, but when at
liberty waited on her with as much
attention as If she had been a princess.
This continued a year or two, till the
young man became of age. One morn
ing the lady approached the young man,
when the following conversation took
place :
" Young man, do you wish to go Into
business for yourself ?"
"Yes, ma'am," he replied, "but I
have neither money, credit nor friends,
nor will any one trust me."
" Well," continued the lady, "go and
select a good situation, ask what the
rent is, and report to me," banding the
young man her address.
The young man went, found a capital
location, and a good store, but the land
lord required security, which he could
not give.
Mindful of the lady's request, he went
to her and reported. 44 Well," she re
plied, "you go and tell Mr. that I
will be responsible."
He went and the landlord was sur
prised, but the bargain was closed.
The next day the lady again called
to ascertain the result. The youug
man told her, but added: 44 What am
I to do for goods ' No one will trust
me."
"You may go and see Mr. , and
Mr. , and Mr. , and tell them to
call on me."
He did, and his store was soon stocked
with the best goods in the market.
There are many in that city who re
member the circumstances and the man.
He died many years ago and left a
fortune of $300,000. So much for polite
ness, so. much for treating one's elders
with the deference due to age, in what
ever garb they are clothed.
A Long Riddle.
A young Bible-student was . asked
" How many boys, are there in your
class V"
He replied : " If you multiply the
number of Jacob's sons by the number
of times which the Israelites compassed
Jericho, and add to the product the
number of measures of barley which
Boaz gave Ruth, divide this by the
number of Hainan's sons, subtract the
number of each kind of clean beasts that
went into the ark, multiply by the
number of men that went to seek Elijah
after he was taken to heaven ; subtract
from this Joseph's age at the time he
stood before Pharaoh, add the number of
stones in David's bag when he killed
Goliath, subtract the numberof furlongs
that Bethany was distant from Jerusa
lem, divide by the number of anchors
cast out when Paul was shipwrecked
subtract the number of persons saved in
the ark, and the remainder will be the
answer."
The Height of Folly.
To wait until you are down on your
bed with disease you may not get over
for months, is the height of folly, when
you might be easily cured during the
earlv symptoms by using Parker's Gin
ger Tonic. It costs only a trifle, can
never do any barm, and possesses cura
tive properties In the. hlgnest degree.
We have known the palest, sickliest
looking men, women and children be
come the rosiest and healthiest, from the
timely use of this pure family medicine.
See adver, in another column. 14 lm
JOSSER & ALLEN
CENTRAL STORE
NEWPOllT, PENN'A.
New offer tli publle
A RAKE AND BLEUANT ASSORTMENT OF
DRESS GOODS
Consisting of all shades suitable for the aeasoi,
BLACK ALPACCAS
AND , '
Mourning Goods
A SPECIALITY. 1
BLEACHED AND UNBLEACHED
MUSLINS,
AT VARIOUS f KICKS.
AN ENDLESS SELECTION OF PRINTS
Ws sell and do keep a good quality of
SUGARS, COFFEES & SYRUPS
And st erytbing under the head of
GROCERIES !
Machine needles and nil for all makes of
Maohlues.
To bo convinced that our goods are
CHEAP AS THE CHEAPEST,
18 TO CALL AND EXAMINE STOCK.
" No trouble to show goods.
Don't forget the
CENTRAL STORE,
Newport, Perry County, Pa.
TREES !
Why order of unknown and Irresponsible
agents, when everything of knowa value e an be
had, fresh and reliable, and fur
FAR LESS MONEY
IJy buying Direct from GEO. F. McFARLAND'S
KiyiUtSIDI? X UltSEIMES,
Ilarrisburg, Penn'n.
Our location Is tineqnalled for shipping. Five
main lines of railroad center here, giving us
. Cheap Freights an! Quick Transit
In any direction. Our stock for Spring. 1881. Is
the largest and II nest we have ever offered, com
prising , , . .
Fruit and Shade Trees, Shrubbery,
Grape Vines, Small Fruits,
Hoses, etc., etc.
STRAWBERRY , CULTURE
Is easy and profitable. We have the best sorts,
new and old. for general culture. Prices low,
SEND FOR CIRCULARS.
Office and Greenhouse: 1422 North Second 8t.
Airsertw llM m. norih of !ty, on line of P.B.H.
Spriniidale JhYiilt Jurm: fcrth, Itftli, State and
Brians Streets.
Bockrtut Fruit Farm: 6 miles north, on line of
r, h. k.
GEO. F. McFAliLAND,
'12 Proprietor.
HOP BITTEES:
(A Medicine-, a Drlak.)
hops, nrcHU, mandrake,
DANDELION,
Ana twa fniin am BarrMamr-ALQuAij-,
Tiaa or ali. ornaa UiTiaae.
THEY CUltE
All Dlaaaaeaof tbe Stomach, Bowe It, Blood, .
Liver, Kldneya. anil UrlnaryOrfeni, Ner-
voaaneae, nieemeasncuana eipeciauj
r .inaie irfomyiaini..
81000 IN COLD.
Will b paid for a eaae they will not cure or
t aeis, ar lor anrimna impure or mjuriotia
1 ound fa them.
A'kyowr drufttat for Hop Blttrra and try
uem Hiwr uu Bleep. Emmm mm
I . C .la an aheolnte and Irrnlitf bin cure for
Airanceaoeea, uae or opium, lonaoco aud
aarcotlca.
Saxo fob Ciacuua.
1 All ilm Mia Vy .tranMa.
SUUn Uff. Ca., KbUf, N. ., Tamil, OI-
1 1 f" I f Youraelvea by making money when a froldea
HP I fchance ia offered, thereby alwaya keepiuy
IIb1hI poverty from your dour. Tboee wba alwa a
take advantage of tbe Kood chancea for makinir money
that are offered, generally become wealthy, while thoae
who do not improve alien chancea remain In poverty
We want many men. women, boy and tirla to work for
na rlKht In their own localitiee. The bumneM will pay
more than ten time ordinary waxea. We fnmlata an
expensive outfit aud all that you need, free. No one
who eiurairea faila to make money very rapidly, torn
can devote your whole time to tbe work, or only your
aiare moments. Full Information and all that ia needed
aeut free. Address m CO.. Portland, Maine
t ly.
NO BETTER FERTILIZERS
CAN BB USED THAN
BAUGITS
$25 PHOSPHATE.
BAUGH'S
Economical Fertilizer
For Fotntoew,
Haye Been Thoroughlj Tested.
For Circulars and Prices address
BAUGII & SONS,
7 SjdJ :0 S. Delaware Ave., Philadelphia, Fa
A.For sale by JONES BROTHERS ft CO..
Natrport, Pa.
EMBKUIDKltfKS. EDGINGS, lNSEKTl
LNUS, and other tttmnilnea.
. t. MORTIMER.
M Our Stock of NEW GOODS
TAP Ul.'a Wl mm.Ui.
Prieafroml24 eentsua.
UOBTIMKK. New BlaomBeld, Tm