THE TIMES,. NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA., Al'IUL 5, 1881.
n AI.LROAD8.
PHILADELPHIA AND READING R.R
HRU4NAEMENT OF PABSKNGKBTBAIN8
NOVEnUElTTah, 188.
Trains t.eare Ilarrisburg a Follows :
Kor New York via Allontawn, at 1.09 a. m.
ami Hf p. m. . ..
For Nw YorU la rhllatlclphlw and "Bella
Brwk Kniits," H.'O, R.Hft . in. and 1. 4S p. in.
Kur I'hllailelphla, at (I.IK), 1.05, (through cr),
0.50 . in., 1.4ft and 4(K) p. m. ......
For Heading, at 6.00, 105, .60. m., 1.45 , 4.00,
nd 8.li p. m. , , .
ForFolnvlllfl. t 6.00, 8.05, d.M . m. and 4.0
6. in., and via Bchuylklll and HiisquHianna
ranch ati.40 p. in. For Auburn, at 6.3 a. in.
For Alleutowu.at6.00, 8.06, 1.60 a. ., 1.46 au
,00 p. Mlt
The 8.05 ft. m. and 1.4B p. m. train kate
through can for hew Voik.vla Allcntnwa.
BUNDAYS i
For Atletitown and Way Station., at 6.00 a. m.
Kor Kuiidlng, riilldr laphlu, mid Way ritutlons,
' at 1.45 p. in.
Traliis Leare for JIarrlsburg as Fallows i
Leave NewYork via Alleutown, 6 46 a. m . 1.00
1!avH A'e'v York via "Bound Brook Houte." and
Philadelphia at 7. 4f a. m., 1.80 and 5.30 p. in., ar
riving at Hiti'i'lsuui, 1.50, 8.20 p. in., and
,aiiea'e'"'lill delplila, at 9.45 a. m., 4.00 and
'l.eave'i'ollHVllle.T.O'l, 9,10 a. m. and 4.40 p. m.
Leave Heading, at 4.60, 8.00, 11.50 u. in., 1.31,0.18,
and lo.;Vip. m.
I,pave Puttsvllln viiUcliuylklll and Susquehanna
Branch, 8. 3i a. in. . , ...
Iave Allftniown,at6.25, D.00 a. m., 12.10, 4.S0,
and 0.05 p. m.
SUNDAYS:
Leave New York, at 5 30 p. m.
Leave Philadelphia, at 7.45 p. in.
Leave Heading, at iUm a. in. audio. 35 p. Rl.
Leave Allentowu. at.05 p. m.
BALDWIN 15K ASCII.
Lfave HARRIRBCKO for Paxton, Lochlelan
Steelton dally, except Hunday, at 6.25. 6 40, 9.ad
n. in., and 2.90 p. in t dally, except Saturday and
Sunday, at 5.45 p. in., and on Saturday only, 4.45,
6.10, 9.30 p. m.
Returning, leave STEELTON dally, except
Btinday. atti.10,7.1'0, MUOa. m.,2.20p. in. i dally,
except Saturday and Hunday, 6. 10 p. in., and vu
Saturday only 6.10,6.30, 9,50 p. m.
J. B. WOOTTEN, Gen. Manager.
O.O.Hancock, Uenoral Passenger and Ticket
Ageut.
HE MANSION HOUSE,
Nor Bloomfleld, Penn'a.,
GEO. F. EN8MINGER, Proprietor.
HAVING leased this property and furnished It
la a comfortable manner, task a share of the
public patronage, and assure my friends who stop
with me that every exertion will be made to
render thel r stay pleasant.
A careful hostler always In attendance.
April 9. 1878. tf
CORTLANDT STEET,
(Near Broadway,)
ISTEW ORK.
HO0HKI38&POND,
Proprietors
ON THE EUROPEAN PLAN.
The restaurant, cafe and lunch room attached,
are unsurpassed for cheapness and excellence ef
service. Rooms 50 cents, 12 per day. $3 toll per
week. Convenient to allferrlesandcityrallroads.
NEW FURNITURE. NEWMANAGEMENT.41y
OTJIOI3 to SUCCESS,
WITH
J? O I. 31 H
For Business and Society
13 by far the best Business and Hoclal Guide and
hand book over published. Much the latest. It tells
both sexes completely how to do everything In
the best way. How to lie your own Lawyer. How
to do Business Correctly and Successfully. Hew
te act in Society and In every part of life, and
contains a gold mine of varied Information Ui.
dlspensible to all elasses for constant reference.
AGFNTS WANTED for all or spare time. To
know why this beok of real value and attractions
sells better than any ether, apply for terms te
11. D. BUAnmibi.ij eiuu ,
St. Louis, Misseurl.
Wepayallfreight. ,
Battle Creek, Michigan,
xfuruvjoTTOXBa or th ohlt aairunra
THRESHERS,
Traction and Plain Engine
and Horse-Powers.
HMtOmactoTkrMherFMtTl Eatabllahect
u tno world. 1840
39
VP ADO of onHnu)mtmdmitf'ulfmiU
I LHllVndi, without chanim of l)f
' u num.
W Mm mantweiuent, or location, to " tW up " Uto
' broad wurraMty glttn on all our goods.
STK AM. POWER MSPARATORfl
Cum lit vie 8 team iinttiiuofmntchlia qualities
Fintt Traction Eii Inca ana Plain jbaifiuea
e-er wen In the American market
A multitude of tptcial fecUuri and MmwhrimIi
for 18MI. together with tvpsrior qualUU in eonatruc
Hon and material not dreamed of by other maker..
Four alKoa of Hoiaratora, from u w is Bra
capacity , for atam or horn pnvtr.
Two styles of " Mmuitod " Horae-Powent.
Vf if Vrt of Helectca 1
nml4-r
iUVVjVVV ( from thr9 tort varttr-drfd)
conntently on band, from which la built th in
Kttuparauie woou-woca ox our aiacumry.
TRACTION ENGINES
Strong9t,wuttdurabU,and tflrimtew
Made, bi 10, 13 liuree tower.
Farmere u Threahermen (rs lnrttsd te
BlvtvtiKata UlU tMttklM Xbrmliiuy Mclllucry.
HICHOL8,6HEPAr0 A CO.
Battle Crook, Mlohlgnih
A p Otilflt tent free to tho3 who wih tnennir In the
hmnct i)lpnBikUt and iirontahle biiHiiiews knowa.
V W KveryUiiu new. Cai'lul uo( required. Vt'e Hill
furnish yru everything, tto a dy and upwards U
euily Mkd without Uyiiijr away from home ovr
iiiKlit Nn rink whftUiver. Many new workers wautcd
atoane. Many are makluK fortuuaa at the buiueaa.
Iaditfa mak aa much aa men, and young hnye an4
tfirlaoMkevreatvay. Nuouewhn la williuir to work
falla U) make mote uioiuiy every day than can be made
in a w-k at any ordinary euiptoyuieat. Thoee who
eioraire at mine will And a ahort road to fortune. AeS
dreea U. HLUi r k CO., VurUand, Maine. 1 ly
The Judge's Horse Trade.
IT was one of the Juilge'a beet utorles,
and as good m a play to hear him tell
It.
" When 'Old Hlukory, came la the
second time," Raid the Judge, " It was
thought by my friends that the zeal, if
not the ability, with wbluh I had labor
ed In his cause, deserved iome recogni
tion. "I waa a young lawyer, with plenty
of unoccupied time, which, from purely
patrlotlo motives, I had devoted to the
enlightenment of my fellow citizens
from the stump."
" I may not have ranked myself as
the equal of Patrick Henry; but, if I
felt any consciousness of inferiority, I
no doubt thought the explanation lay
in the advantage the great Virginian
had in point of epoch and occasion.
" The encomiums I lavished on the
hero of New Orleans were not more
highly wrought than the anathemas I
hurled at the head of Nicholas Diddle,
whom I facetiously christened " Old
Nick," and painted several shadts
blacker than his namesake.
" The fat offices were all bestowed
upon the veterans; so that when my
claims came to be pressed, there was
precious little left. There chanced how
ever to be a vacant judgeship in one of
the back territories a position either
overlooked In the general scramble, or
possessing no attractions to the ordinary
office-seeker ; and to this post my friends
succeeded in procuring my appointment.
" I ha barely time, after receiving
my commUson, to reach the field ,of my
judicial labors in season for the next
court. I decided to make the journey
on horseback, aud was within a day of
my destination, when chance threw me
in company with a very agreeable gen
tleman traveling in the same direction.
" The stranger's manner was grave,
but not In the least morose. His air
was so frank and aflkble that you felt at
home with him at once. There was no
distrusting such a man. He gave you
his confidence so freely that not to re
turn it would have been sheer churlish
ness. "Before an hour had passed, Mr.
Wharne as he introduced himself, had
given me an outline of his past life and
present plans. He was an itinerant
clergyman, on his way to be a mission
ary among the Indians, whom he hoped
to shame out of their ferocity by the
mere force of good example.
" I felt it only fair, in return, to let
Mr. Wharne know to whom he had un
bosomed himself. His air of deference
on learning my official station was not
a little flattering, and led me,I fear, Into
saying rather more of myself than was
quite consistent with a due regard for
modesty.
" Have you any acquaintances out
here V" Inquired Mr. Wharne.
" No," I replied
"How will the people know you're
the new judge then?"
" Oh 1 I've Old Hiokory's commission
to show," I answered, "and there's no
disputing that.
" Sure enough," said Mr. Wharne,
reflectively ; " I see my little joke was
very stupid."
" For some time the reverend gentle
man had been eyeing my horse sharp
ly. " That's a likely nag of yours," he re
marked at length.
" And your's 1b a nice slouch," said, I
returning the compliment.
" How would you like to exchange ?"
queried Mr, Wharne.
"Now, a horse-trade always did pos
sess a charm for me, and I pricked up
my ears at the bare suggestion.
" A second look at Mr. Wharne's ani
mal convinced me that an even swap
would be no bad bargain.
" One word led to another till we both
alighted, and each mounted the other's
horse for a trial.
" Well, what do you say ?" asked Mr.
Wharne, when we had come to where the
road forked. " I must leave you here."
" Even or quits," I answered.
" Done 1" said Mr. Wharne, after a
meditative pause.
"With a warm exchange of good
wishes, we shook hands and parted.
" I had gone a couple of miles perhaps,
when all at once it flashed upon me
that, in the excitement of the trade, Mr.
Wharne and myself had forgot to
change saddles and bridles, and that to
my saddle, which Mr. Wharne had rid
den off with, was buckled the portman
teau which contained not only my sup
ply of clothing, but most important of
all Old Hickory'i commission I
"Wheeling about, I struck up a brisk
canter hoping to overtake Mr. Wharne
and correct the error. '
" Just then there was a sound of gal
loping behind.
"Haiti you rascal I" shouted a voice
which several others echoed ; and turn
ing my bead, I saw a baud of armed
men in hot pursuit.
" Halt, or we'll riddle you I" exclaim
ed the leader, poising his rifle.
" To attempt flight would have been
useless. I reined up and was soon In tlie
midst of a number of angry and excited
men.
"Hang the linrse-lhlef 1" cried some
of the more violent.
" I am no thief,'1 1 remonstrated.
" Well, that's cheeky anyhow 1" re
torted the chief spokesman. Why,
that there hoes you was cutting away
with so spry just now, belongs to Jim
Casey here, an' was stole lust night, an1
we've been on the track all day 1"
" I'm Judge B ," I explained, on
my way to hold court to-morrow
at .
" My words were drowned in a roar of
laughter.
" A nice Judge you are I" jeered the
crowd. " If judges come out here to
steal our bosses, we'd be a plaguey sight
better off without 'em !
" I saw there Was no useexpostulatlng.
If I'd only had my commission to show
but that was gone with my friend the
missionary.
" So you pretend to be the new judge,
do you V" said one of my tormentors.
" Come, boys, lnstld o' swlngln' him up
as we done Jack Magoon, let's fetch him
along and see what rule Judge '11 have
to say. He'll be sartln to hang the
scoundrel for contempt o' court I"
" The motion was carried, and with
my hands tied behind my back, and my
feet secured beneath the horse's body,
I was escorted in triumph to the back
woods Village, which was to have been
the scene of my first judicial honors.
" I tried to convince the marshal), to
whom I was turned over, of the mis
take of which I was the victim, but he
only laughed louder than the others had
before.
" You the judge 1" he exclaimed, with
a boisterous gufl'aw. Why, the Judge
came an hour ago. He has shown his
commission to the clerk and me; and
he's another sort of a looking chap than
you, let me tell you. A pretty judge a
green gosling like you would make!"
" And in spite of all I could say I was
dragged off and locked up.
" Next morning I was led in to the log
court house, where, to my unspeakable
indignation, I beheld perched upon the
bench which It should have been my
privilege to grace, the Impudent scamp
who had put me in my present false
position.
" I made one more effort to- clear up
matters. I had considerable confidence
In my powers as an orator. But his
Honor commanded silence, and the
roarshall thrust me back Into my seat,
threatening to gag me if I interrupted
the court again.
" Mine it seemed, was the only case
to be disposed of ; and the judge, with
whose praises every mouth was filled,
after committing me, In default of
heavy bail, to answer at the next term,
adjourned the court ine die. and took
his leave.
" Of course I was able, In time, to es
tablish my Identity and secure my re
lease; and before many months were
over I had the natlsfuction of meting
out justice to my quondam ftlend, the
missionary, under the true name of
Hiram Straddler.
A Watch Lost.
t
A GOOD story Is told of that gallant
Irish soldier, General Bllgh, of
Hepoy fame. While holding the com
mission of captain in a dashing march
ing regiment be was on a trip of pleas
ure with his wife,' in the north of
England, and having come one day to
a small Yorkshire inn, the larder of
which was well-nigh empty, he ordered
all the host had on hand to be served up
for his dinner, after which he joined his
wife In an upper room.
While the host was preparing the
meal for his guest a party of sporting
gentlemen of t he country entered the
inn, and called for refreshments. The
landlord was sorry to inform them that
all his larder contained of food had been
bespoken by a gentleman who was at
that moment waiting up stairs, with his
wife, to have It served.
Who was the gentleman 1
The host could only tell them that he
was an Irishman, and that he seemed to
be a very quiet, good-natured and harm
less body. ' ( The captain was traveling
in citizen's clothes.)
"An Irish gentleman! A potato
with pepper and salt will answer for
him. Go up and tell him so."
But Boniface preferred not to do so.
"Then "cried one of the party a
'squire of that neighborhood with more
money than sense " take this watch up
to the gentleman and attk him If he'll
send ua the time o'day, for we can't
tell."
It was the habit in that section, when
one would intimate to another that he
did not have much faith in his good
sense or judgment, to show blni a
watch and ask him to tell what's the
The host, himself fond of fun, and
feeling assured that the last callers
would get the worst of it, took the watch
a very valuable gold repeater and
went up stairs and did the errand.
Bllgh took the watch and looked at it.
" By my life I It's a beauty. Tell the
gentlemen I'll be down presently, and
shall take pleasure In expounding to
them the mystery of tlme-telllng by
the watch. And I'll fetch the watch
with me.
The host returned with the answer,
and shortly afterward carried up bis
guest's dinner,
The 'squire was, for a little time,
furious with the landlord for having
left his watch behind; but he finally
cooled off, and having called for a gallon
of beer, he sat down with bisfrlends to
wait.
After he had finished his meal, Capt.
Bllgh opened his portmanteau and took
out two big horse-pistols, and, placing
them under bis arm, he took the watch
in his hand and went down into the bar
room, where the sporting gentry still
waited.
"Ah, gentlemen I give you a good
day. . And now who is the man that
wants the time o'day y I shall be de
lighted to enlighten him."
They didn't like the looks of the man
at all. He carried the soldier in his very
look ; and just now, there was a good
bit of the tiger manifested. ,
" Come, come, gentlemen I am Capt.
Bllgh, at your service. A short time
since the landlord brought to me this
watch, accompanied by a message which
I have come to answer as such a mes
sage richly deserves I" and he signifi
cantly tapped his fingers upon the pis
tols. " Now, whose Is the watch ? Is
it yours, sir?" to the 'squire himself.
The 'squire denied the ownership
promptly. All the watches In the
world would not have tempted him to
expose his life to the terrible Irish cap
tain, whose fame was knowa to him.
Bllgh then applied to the next man ;
and then to the next ; and so on, to the
last ; and all denied the ownership.
" I am happy to find gentlemen, that
I have made a mistake. You will par
don me, I am sure. I thought the own
er of the watch was here."
He then put the watch into his pock
et ; and slipped the pistols into the pock.
et of his blouse; turned to the bar, and
settled his bill ; then bade the company
good evening, after which be joined his
wife on the porch, at the door of which
his carriage was in waiting.
Captain, afterward General, Bllgh
kept the watch to the day of his death,
often telling the story of its capture,
when he left it by will to his brother,
the well known dean of Elphln.
An Indignant Parson.
IN a pretty southern village two
sprightly and beautiful young ladies
were visiting their cousin, another
sprightly and beautiful young lady, who,
like her guests, was of that happy age
which turns everything into fun and
merriment. All three occupied a room
on the ground floor, and cuddled up to
gether in one bed.
Two of the young ladles attended a
party on the night in question, and did
not get home until half-past twelve
o'clock at night. As it was late they
concluded not to disturb the household,
so they stepped quietly into their own
room through the low, open window.
In about half an hour after they had
left for the party a young Methodist
minister called at the house where they
weVe staying and craved a night's lodg
ing, which of course was granted. As
ministers always have the best of every
thing the old lady put him to sleep in the
best room, and the young lady (Fannie)
who had not gone to the party was en
trusted with the duty of sitting up for
the absent ones, and of informing them
of the change of rooms. She took up
her post in the parlor, and as the night
was sultry, sleep overcame her, and she
departed on an excursion to the land of
dreams. '
We will now return to the young
ladies who had gone to their room
through the window. By the dim light
of the moonbeams as they struggled
through the curtains the young ladies
were enabled to descry the outlines of
Fannie (as they supposed) ensconced in
in the middle of the bed. They saw
more to wit, a pair of boots. ' The
truth flashed upon them at once. They
saw it all. Fannie had set the boots in
the room to give them a good scare.
They put their heads together,- and de
termined to turn the tables on her.
Silently they disrobed, and stealthy as
cats they took up their positions on
each side of the bed. At a given signal
they both jumped into the bed, one on
each side of the unconscious parson,
laughing and screaming, "Oh, what a
maul Oh, what a man I" They gave
the poor bewildered minister such a pro
miscuous hugging and tussling aa few
parsons are able to brag of in the course
of a lifetime.
The noise of the proceeding woke the
old lady, who was sleeping in an adjoin
ing room. She comprehended the slt-
! uation in a moment, and rushing to the
room she opened the door and exclaimed.
" Gracious, gals, It Is a man It Is a
man, sure enough 1"
There was one prolonged, consolidated
scream, a flash of muslin through the
door, and all was over.
The best of the Joke is that the minister
took the whole thing in earnest. He
would listen to no apologies the old lady
could make for the girls. He would
hear no excuse, but solemnly folded bis
clerical robes about him and silently
stole away.
Query Was he mad at the girls, or at
the old woman 1
SUNDAY EEADIN3.
Leave the thrlstlan Sunday Alone.
The Society formed In London tr
obtain the opening of museums, art
galleries, libraries and gardens on Sun
day has decided not to press the matter
in Parliament this year. Earl Dun raven
the President, said in a recent address
that the principles advocated by the So
ciety were spreading rapidly over the
country, though he admitted there was
nothing so hard to overcome as religious
scruples. Fortunately for England and
every other Christian country, that is
true, and is the safeguard of their best
interests against harmful Innovations.
It may be well enough for the Earl to
declare that the Society's aim Is not
hostile to religion or goodness; that
there is not the slightest danger that
any British workman would make bad
use of any liberty that was given him
for recreation on a Sunday, or would
abuse that liberty by desiring to pursue
his ordinary avocations on that day ;
and that to say that the opening of such
places would lead the worklngclasees to
clamor for the opening of muslo halls
was to insult the intelligence of those
classes. But the fact remains tbat hu
man nature Is the same the world over,
and that the divinely appointed day of
service to God cannot be broken in upon
as proposed by this Society in London,
and by many irreligious people in this
country, without serious detriment to
the best interests of society.
Out and Out Religion.
Mr. Carlyle's advice is thoroughly
sound, and bis adjuration is none too
strong. " Be virtuous and have done
with it ;" speak the truth and stand to
it, profess the faith which is revealed in
the Scripture, and neither by word of
mouth, nor by act, nor by association,
nor even in thought, contradlet the eter
nal verities of God. We have had too
much of concession in order to win a
hollow peace from philosophic Rational
ists on the one hand, and superstitious
Itomanizers on the other. The thing
will not work, and if it would, it is
wrong, and ought not to be attempted.
Who gave us the right to yield an atom
of truth V Are the doctrines of God's
Word yours or mine to do as we like
with, to give up this and modify tbat Y
Nay, verily; we are put in trust with
gospel, and it is at our peril that we
dream of compromising the least of its
teachings. A straightforward, decided
line of testimony is the best, is most
consistent with true charity, and in the
end will most promte peace.
What isYchristian?
If you come to us and say you are a
praying man, we answer we are glad ;
but we would like to ask your wife and
children what your praying is doing for
you ? If you say you dally read the
Bible, that is right, but let us ask your
partner In business bow much . of it
teachings you practice. If you say you
are a member of the church, we are glad
of that, if you are a worthy member, if
I not we are sorry for the church. But
let us go on to me street to see wnetner
the people you daily meet think you
ought to be a church member. So it
comes to pass that a bundle of Christian
duties my be dry and useless, or they
may be the evidence of a sincere Chris
tian life. Whether a man is a Christian
or not depends entirely upon the prin
ciples which govern his daily life, and
the harvest the world is gathering from,
that life.
Too True.
The wittiest people regard religion
as they regard small-pox ; they desire to
have it as light as possible, and they are
very careful that it does not mark them.
But most people when they do an act of
charity, prefer to have it done like the
measles, on the outside where it can be
plainly seen.
Improvement for Mind and Body.
For genuine merit there is no tonic
sold that begins to compure with Park,
er's Ginger Tonic. One 50 cent, bottle
oontalns.raore life and strength restoring
power than a bushel of malt or a gallon
of pure milk. Aa an appetizer, blood
purifier and kidney correcter, it meets
with astonishing success, and invalids
find Us use promptly followed by renew
ed energy and vivacity, mental aud phys
ical improvement, aud gradual restora
tion to perfect health. iSee ed vertisement
in another column. 14 lm