THE TIMES, NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA., JUNE 1, 1880.
RAILROADS.
PHILADELPHIA AND READING R. R.
ARRANGEMENT OF FA88ENCJEK TRAINS
MY lOlhT 18H0.
Trains Leare Harrlsbnrg as Follow :
For New York via Allentown, at 8.1.1, B.05 a. m.
Kor NewTork via Philadelphia and "Bound
Brook lluute," 6.4ti, (Fast Exp.) 8.S5 . m. and
''Vnroiinh car arrives In New Tork at 11 noon.
For Philadelphia, at 6.4ii Fast Kxp) S.Ufl,
(through car), ,60 a. in.. 1.4.1 and 4.UW p. in.
For Beading, at 5.1.1, lU'M Fast Exp.l 8.05, 0.80
a. m., 1.4.1,4.00, and fl. p.i.
VOT l OlISVII C. Bl O.lit, o.w, p.-ni ...... ......
. m.. and via HchuyWllI and Husquehanna
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f or Alteiuown, av o.io, o w, .uv ...
''Tile Mn. 8.01 a. m. and 1.4.1 p. m. train have
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SUNDAYS :
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audD.Oip. m.
SUNDAYS:
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-A careful hostler always In attendance.
April 9. 1878. tf
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Xetv liloowflcW.
Those Infernal Yankees.
IN the dark shadows of Fisher's Island,
gloomy, sullen and grim, lay, like
huge monsters upon the waters, the
British fleet, "The mistress of the
Seas."
The hroad red cross of Bt. George
floated from their uiastsheads, proclaim
ing them enemies of our country. Long
had they lain thus In the Inglorious
squadron, crushing, It is true, the little
commerce between the seaport towns of
Connecticut and the cilleB of New York
and Boston, but In reality putting them
selves to far more trouble and Incon
venience than their enemies.
The commander of the British Squad
ron, Sir Thomas M. Hardy, as loyal and
brave a man as ever trod the quarter
deck of an English evenly-four, grew
heartily tired of this monotonous life,
and wished that some cursed Yankee
Trlvaleeror Commodore would make
an attempt to run the blockade.
While he was thus thinking, a party
of Yaukees on shore, wearied and exas
peruted by the continual and petty an
noyances of the English fleet, were lay
ing a plan to decoy a portion of them
ashore.
Copt. Blm Italey, as true, beloved and
patriotic a Yankee as ever played a trick
on an unwary foe, accordingly loaded a
large boat with a lot of old boxes filled
with some worthless articles, and man
ning It with a few trusty comrades,
pulled down the river Mystic Into the
Bound, as If delcrmiued to give the
British squadron the slip and run their
goods to New York. Coin. Hardy see
ing the boat, Instantly gave orders to
Midshipman Chambers to man the
barge and capture the Yankee llebels.
His orders were promptly and cheerfully
obeyed, for his men were glad of an
opportunity to have a brush with the
Americans.
Capt. Sim and his men pretending not
to see the movement of the enemy held,
steadily on their course, laughing to
themselves meanwhile that the bait
they had thrown out wa9 so quickly
swallowed. The British, excited by the
hope of a pri.e, pulled vigorously at the
oars, and the barge gained rapidly on
Capt. Sim's boat. Suddenly the Amer
icans seemed for the first time to become
aware of approach of an enemy. With
loud cries they bent to their oarB, but so
thoroughly frightened did they seem,
that there was no sort of time kept by
the rowers, the efiect of which was to
retard rather than add to the progress of
the boat. They however managed to
get the boat headed to the mouth of the
Mystic. The British were hard on their
heels and gained rapidly on them. The
Americans had gradually recovered
from their fright, and now were lustily
at work. The distance between them
was kept about the same, each party
rowing at the top of its strength.
At length the daring Capt. Sim order
ed his boat up to a certain point on the
west side of the river, about one mile
from the Sound, where it had been
arrauged that he should land ; and dis
embarking, the boat's crew ran over the
bank. The British by this time had
also ed'ected a landing, and no sooner
had their barge's keel grated the sandy
shore, than they encountered a most
sudden and unexpected lire from a vol
unteer company fiorn Mystic and vicin
ity, composed of Captains Anson.Haley,
Averly, Crary andDenison, with Lieu
tenants Wheeler, Palmer, Hyde and
Williams, with thirty others secreted
behind the bank for that purpose. The
British, startled and confounded by the
apparition and the fall of several of their
comrades, leaped like frogs into the
water.
None was left to man the barge except
Midshipman Chambers, who stood with
drawn sword like a statue in the stern
sheets. "
When commanded to surrender, he,
with the coolness of a brave general
ordered his men from the water and
delivered up his sword. Having secured
his prisoners, litters were made for the
dead and wounded, on which they were
borne to the village. The prisoners were
formed in the centre of a hollow square,
and marched into Mystic to the enliven
ing strains of the 44 Bogue's March,"
and the shouts of the hardy and patri
otic citizens.
These thouts of joy ou shore were
echoed across the water to the British
fleet, which told Com. Hardy the fate of
his brave Midshipman, and his barge's
crew. Turning on his heel, ho walked
down the companion way into the cabin
of his flag ship ; there, seated like a king
on his throne, he muttered curses deep
and long, about the revenge he would
yet hnvo on these "infernal tricky
Yankees."
Revenge being the sweetest thlug that
Com. Hardy could think or dream of,
he was determined to revenge himself
if possible, and on the morning of the
10th of the same month, he ordered his
fleet up to bombard the little town of
Btonlogton. For two days aud nights
the fleet poured into the towu shot and
shell of every description, but with very
little effect. The Bomb Brig Terror
took her station in the line nearest the
town, and made the nlghl light as day
with the blaze of rockets, while her shot
and shell hissed like maddened vipers
through the air, the floating batteries
and line of battleships making every
thing tremble with their thunder, ex
cept the hearts of those Yankee boys
who manned the guns on shore. They,
behind breast-works hastily thrown up,
headed by this same Capt. Sim, assisted
by Captains Dean and Denlson, with
hosts of other brave fellows worked at
their guns on those hot days like black
smiths at their forges, firing with such
perclslon and taking such deadly aim
that hundreds were killed and wounded
on board the enemy's fleet, while the
Bomb Brig Terror was made a perfect
wreck, so much so, when ordered by the
Commodore to retreat, she dare not take
time to weigh her anchor, hut slipped
her cable and floated of with the tide,
amid the shouts and cheers of the war
like hosts on shore.
All the ships in the line getting the
worst of it, a general retreat was ordered.
With shot holes plugged up and pumps
working, the monster ships moved
slowly and sluggishly olT, like a wound
ed lion to his lair. They again dropped
their anchors under the dark shadows
of the Island, where
A few short prayers were said,
O'er proud Bt. George's head,
and the sea received their mangled
corpses, to be swallowed up by the
sharks of the ocean. The surgeons were
busy with saw and knife among the
wounded, and the sailors were repairing
the shattered ships, while the brave
Commodore cursed himself and the way
he had revenged himself on those 44 In
fernal tricky Yankees."
Anecdotes of Misers.
AMISKR of very penurious habits
was Mr. Daniel Dancer, who was
born in 1710, and was the eldest of four
children. His father lived on Harrow
Weald Common, near Harrow-on-the-Hill,
where he possessed property to a
very considerable amount, which his
son, Daniel, by a most determined and
whimsical abstemiousness, Increased to
upward of three thousand per annum.
The childhood of Daniel Dancer passed
without anything remarkable. It was
only when he attained his majority that
he began to display a "saving knowl
edge" perfectly incredible. He had a
sister whose disposition agreed perfectly
with his own, and as they lived together
many years, their stories are necessarily
connected, aud would furnish the most
melancholy instance of the inflrmity
and folly of human nature.
Mr. Dancer's wardrobe might justly
boast more colors, textures, and sub
stances than the garments of a company
of strolling players, and ye((J notwith
standing all his curious patching, his
garment often failed to cover his skin,
though he strove to keep all together by
a strong hay band round his waist.
Linen was a luxury to which, in spite
of his avarice, he was not wholly a
stranger, for at an early period of his
life he used to buy two shirts every
year; but for some time before his death
he never allowed himself more than
one. After this shirt got in his posses
sion, it was doomed to hang upon his
back till it fell oft" in rags, never being
either washed or mended. After his
sister's death, a pair of sheets as black
as soot-bags were discovered upon the
beds ; but theso Mr. Dancer would never
sutler to be removed ; and when they
were at length worn out, they were
never replaced ; so that after that time
he relinquished the use of linen to sleep
in. He would never allow any one to
make his bed ; and at the time of his
death it was observed to be tilled with
sticks which ho had stolen from d lifer
ent hedges. His room was not swept
for many years.
Mr. Dancer's ingenuity in concealing
his money was most wonderful. His
bank-notes were usually deposited with
the spiders ; they were laid among the
cobwebs in the cow-house, and his
guineas were placed in holes in the
chimney and about the fire-place. The
house, or rather the heap of ruins, in
which Mr. Dancer lived, and which
after his death Captain Holmes succeed
ed to, was a miserable decayed build
ing, dreadful In its external appearance,
for it had not been repaired for more
than half a century. But though poorin
outward appearance, the ruinous fabrlo
was rich in the interior. It took' many
weeks to explore its contents. One of
.the richest escritoires was found to be
u duug-heap in the cow-house, from
which a Bum little short of two thou
sand five hundred pounds was taken;
and in an old jacket, carefully tied Bud
strongly nailed down to the manger,
were found in bank-notes and gold, five
hundred pounds more. Several large
bowls filled with guineas, half guineas,
and quantities of silver were discovered
at difl'erent tlmtB In searching the cor
ners of the house, and various parcels of
bank-notes stuffed Into old cushions and
chair. In the stable Captain Holmes
found some Jugs of silver money. The
chimney was wot left unsearched, and
well repaid the trouble ; for In nineteen
different holes, all filled with soot, were
found various sums of money, amount
ing to more thau two hundred pounds.
And to finish up with, six hundred
pounds In bank-notes were found in an
old tea-pot. Thus living wretchedly,
and dying without one vestige of com
fort, Daniel Dancer and his miserly
slBter furnish to all future generations
an Illustration of the extreme of penurl
ousness. Au extraordinary character lived
some twenty years ago In a small Scotch
town on the Frith of Froth. His name
was Joe Taylor. He occupied a misera
ble hovel, and wandered abroad over the
country buying rags, old bones, etc.,
bundles of which were carried by a poor
starved ass, the sole living creature be.
longing to him. The only food he al
lowed this wretched quadruped was the
grass that grew at the side of the ronds
lu their many wanderings, or a bundle
of forage abstracted from some furm
place. Taylor's food consisted of what
ever he could beg, borrow or steal a
few turnips lifted from the fields, some
mussels or other shell-fish laboriously
gathered ' on the shore, broken victuals
from the houses of the rich, old cabbage
stalks anything, lu short, that would
stop the cravings of a tiatural healthy
appetite. Living near the shore, Joe
made a point of watching for wreckage
of any sort, and it was a happy day for
him when any floating cargo made its
appearance on the beach. One day great
excitement prevailed among the fisher
people. The surface of the waves was
covered to a considerable distance with
quantities of apples, probably a part of
some wreck. The inhabitants plunged
into the sea, securing as many as they
could, but were outdone by Joe, who
with greedy eagerness managed to clutch
a peck or two, which lie sold next day
In the town. After his death, which
was hastened by a violent cold caught
in an unusually long ramble, his hut
was searched, and lu various holes and
corners money to a considerable amount
was found not less than eighty pounds
in all. In a corner of the hovel, under
a stone of the uneven and broken floor,
were found no fewer than three dozen
silver spoons, of all sorts and slues, dis
colored with damp, and marked with
various initials. It was thought that
Joe, in the course of his many years'
depredations, must have carried off a
stray spoon every now and then, and
so accumulated these, of which he never
made any UBe, and which he was proba
bly afraid to sell. It was quito possible
that in Joe's visits to the kitchens of the
neighborhood lie might have helped
himself to -what was lying about, while
the cook brought her dish of broken
scraps from some back kitchen or cup
board. Hence the mystery of the
spoons.
Married More Than He Expected.
A YOUNG medical student from
Michigan, who had been attending
lectures in New York for some time,
and considered himself exceedingly good
looking and fascinating, made a deadly
onset on the heart aud fortune of a
blooming young lady who was boarding
in the same house with him. After a
prolonged siege the lady surrendered.
They were married on Wednesday morn
ing. The same afternoon the "young
wife" sent for and exhibited to the
astonished student a beautiful little
daughter, three and a half years of
age.
14 Clood heavens I then you were a
widow I" exclaimed the astonished stu
dent. 41 Yes, my dear, and this is Amelia,
my youngest; to-morrow, Augustus,
James and Ileuben will arrive from the
country, and then I shall have my chil
dren together once more."
The unhappy student replied not a
word ; his feelings were too deep for
utterance. The next day the other
"darlings" arrived. Ileuben was six
years old, James nine, and Augustus, a
saucy boy, twelve. They wero delighted
to hear that they had a "new papa,"
because they could now live at home
and have all the playthings they want
ed. The "new papa" as soon as he
could speak remarked- that Augustus
and James did not much resemble lieu
ben and Amelia. 1
44 Well, no," said the happy mother,
" my first husband was quite a different
style of man from my second complex
ion, temperament, color of hair and
eyes all different.
This was too much. He had not only
married a widow, but was her third
husband, and the astounded step-father
of four children."
"But her fortune," thought he,"that
will make amends."
He spoke of her fortune.
" These are ruy treasure," says she,
in the Human matron style, pointing to
her children.
The conceit was now quite taken out
of the student, who, finding that he had?
mmle a complete goose of himself, at
once retired to a farm in his native
State, where he could have a chance to
render his 4'boys" useful, and make -them
sweat for the deceit practiced upon
him by their mother.
An Elephantine Pea Nut Trade.
A eensatlou wai created during
the stay of Forepaugh's show in Pitts
burgh recently by one of the elephants
descending upon a peanut merchant,
whose place of business is near the Sus
pension bridge. The llomau protested
vigorously, aud entered Into a hand to
trunk combat with the elephant, but
musele won and the elephant bore off a
bag of peanuts in triumph. The man
gathered himself up and relumed to the
combat with such vigor that the un
wleldly beast had to drop the bag and
defend himself. There was nothing
mean about his elcphautship, for instead
of annihilating his puDy antagonist as
he might have done he simply scooped
up a peck of dirt in his proboscis and
threw it into Italy's eyes. The latter,
thougli blinded with dust and rage,
still clung to the sack containing the
peanuts until reinforced by a keeper
who pounded the brute vigorously. A
citizen interfered and denounced the
keeper as cruel for the vigorous use of
the hook, when the showaiau retaliated
by telling the outsider it was none of
his business, as the proprietor of the
show was responsible for the elephantine
misconduct. The rest of the elephants
viewed the combat withinconcern, and
when the lender was finally beaten off
and took up the line of march for the
North side thev fell lu and followed
composedly. lie succeeded In munch
ing enough of the fruit to spoil one day's
profits. The crowd did not 'seem to
care whether Italy or India triumphed.
.
Whitewashed Babic3.
A missionary stationed at one of the
South Sea Islands determined to give
his residence a coat of whitewash. To
obtain this in the absence of lime, coral
was reduced to powder by burning.
The natives watched the process of
burning with interest, believing that
the coral was being cooked for them to
eat. Next morning they beheld the
missionary's cottage glittering in the
rising sun white a? snow. They danced,
they sang, they screamed with joy.
The whole island was in commotion.
Whitewash became the rage. Happy
was the coquette who could enhance
her charms by a daub of w hite wash.
Contentions arose. One party urged
their superior rank ; another obtained
posesslon of the brush, and valiantly
held it against all comers ; a third tried
to upset the tub to obtain some of the
precious cosmetic. To quiet the hub
bub, more whitewash was made, and in
a week not a hut, a domestic utensil, a
war-club,or a garment but was as white
as snow; not an inhabitant but had a
skin painted with grotesque figures ;
not a pig that was not whitened, and
even mothers might be seen in every
direction capering Joyously, and yell
ing with delight at the superior beauty
of their whitewashed babies.
Back Woods Justice.
Out in the lumber regions of Wiscon
sin recently, a wood-chopper wanted to
have a raftsman arrested for beating
him, but the backwoods justice of the
peace had no warrant blanks, one sub
pwna, and one summons blank. He
couldn't make these do for a warrant, so
at last he said to the complainant, 44 See
here, mister, this court is bound to see
justice done in this township. You pay
me two dollara and a half, costs of court,
show me the man, and the court will
lick the mischief out of him in two
minutes." Complainant paid the cost
and pointed out the accused, and the
magistrate went for bim in short order,
fisticuff fashion, till he bellowed for
mercy , and the other fellow was satisfied.
The court then put on . his coat and
remarked that "he was a peace officer,
and wished it understood that this court
would preserve the peace, and any man
who thought he could raise thunder in
that neck of woods would have to try
the case with the court personally."
Peace has reigned in that neighborhood
since that code of law was established.
A Dutch Justice.
An old Dutch Justice of the l'eace did
up a marriage in this way: . .
He first said to the man ; 44 Vcl, you
vants to be marrlt, do you 'I Vel, you
-lovsh this woman so goot as any one
you have ever seen V?
44 Yes," answered the man.
Then to the woman
. 44 Vel do you lovsh dis man bo better
as any you have ever seen 1"'
She hesitated a little and he repeat-ed-
" Ytl, do you lovsh hlru so vt-l as to
be his wife?"
44 Yes, Yes,", she answered.
44 Vel, that is all any reasonable man
could expect. So you are married ; I
pronounce you man and wife." .
The man asked the Justice what was
to pay ?
4t Nothing at all, nothiDg at all; you
are welcome, if it will do you any
goot!'' ;
t