THE TIMES, NEW BL00MFIEL1). PA., SEPTEMBER 23, 1879.
Professional Cards.
TE. JUNKIN. Attorneyatl.aw.
Mal II I....... Il .1 Eta....-.. &S-
fJ t'n IIKIflllllKlll, IHIIIOV.)!.!
-Ollice Next door to the residence ot Judge
.Innbln Aftlf
AH. MAUKEL, Attorney. at-Lnw,
. New BloomlleUl. Perry count. Pa
OiUce opposite the Maneloa llouse.and
three door east or tue f ost-vwce.
y EW19 rOTTKU,
AtTUttNIV At 1.AW,
NEW BLOOMFJJiLD, FERRY CO., PA.
WOlalms promptly secured collected
Wrl tings aud all legal business carefullyatteud
edto.
42 yl
"CHARLES H. HMILEY, Attorney at Law.
1 j New HliMimlield. Perry Co. Pa
0.T Office two doors eat or Joseph Smith's
Hotel. lAugusi x, iaii.
nm. A.HPONHLEK. Attornev-at-Law.
V Oillce adjoining Ills resldeuee, on East
Mainstreet, New tsioomneia, rerry oo., ra. s ly
"ITTM. N. 8E1BERT, Attorney-at-I,aw,
V Now Hloomlleld, Perry oo.. Pa.
Bloomneld,8331v.
TEWIS POTTER, notaki public, New Bloom
J Hnlil Perrv Co.. Pa.
Deeds, Bonds, Mortgages, and Leases carefully
prepared and acknowledgements taken. All
KinOS 01 rensiuil nuu nuunij impers uinwu buu
eertllled, will also take dispositions to be rer.d in
any court mine uimeo Btaies. luiy
OHAS. J. T, McINTIRE, Attorney-at-Law,
New Bloomtleld, Perry co., Pa.
Allprofe?sonall)us.ines8 promptlyandtalth
Cully attended to. 8 2 ly.
vwkr a u.itiDtanw
YV JUSTICE OF THE PEACE and GENERAL
COIXECTOH, NbwUekmantown, Perryco.,Pa.
a-Hemlttanceswlllbe made promptly tor all
collections made. in
CHA8. A. BARNETT, Attorney-at-i.aw,
New Bloonilleld.Perryco.,Pa
rtUOrtlce on high street. North side, nearly op
posite the Presbyterian Church. 8 21y
ML. LICKJKTT. Attohnky-AT-Law.
Newport, rerry County. Pa.
Having permanently located at Newport, will
give prompt ana careim attention 10 au uust
Mess matters committed to his care.
oilloe, No. so North Second Street.
Newport, April 2P 1878.
R. R. M. ALEXANDER,
SVJtGEOy DENTIST,
New Bloomlleld, Perry County, Pa.
Office on Carlisle, 8t.,one door South of J. E.and
Judge .Tonkin's law otllce. Everything belong
Iiib to the nrnfesslnn done In the best manner.
An. Work Wahhantkd. Terms moderate. 23
0
P. BOLLINGER, M. D ,
having located In Newport, offers his Profes
sional servtcesto an wno may neea mem.
Chronic diseases of every description cured.
BOmce In Dr. 8hatto's building, 4th Street
March 4. 1878.
EORGE H. MARTIN
GENERAL AGENT.
BL.AIX, PEURT COUNTY, PA.
Special attention given to the collection of
elaims, and any other business entrusted to him
will receive prompt attention. Charges moderate.
April, 19th. 1877.
DEATH DEFEATED.
TilOR over 60 years SELLERS' LTVER PILLS
C have ben the standard remedy for Liver
Complaints, Costlveness, Sick Headache, Pain In
Shoulders or Back, Dizziness, Coated Tongue,
Fever and Ague, and all diseases arising from a
deranged state of the Liver or Stomach. Thomas
Adams, of Big Sandy, Kv., says: " Sellers' Pills
have saved huudred of dollars in doctors' bills in
this country." R. K. SEELEKS & CO., Piop'rs,
Pittsburgh, Pa.
THE GREAT BLOOD TONIC,
For the cure of all diseases arising from Impure
Blood, and for Invigorating and strengthening
the vital organs. Are you weak, nervous, debili
tated, pale and emaciated f Have you lost your
appetite? Have you nausea, pain in the back,
&e. It so, Dr. Lldsey's Blood Searcherwlll drive
out the disease and bring back the BLOOM OF
HEALTH. Pimples, Boils, Erysipelas, Tetter,
Salt Rheum. &c, are but surface indications of
Blood Diseases: and Dr. Lldsey's Blood Searcher,
by purifying the system, softens the skin and
beautlhes the complexion. Hold Ivy all druggists,
ffl per bottle. R. E. SELLERS & CO.. Proprle
tors, Pittsburgh ,Pa O 48
5 OLD AND RELIABLE,
JDb.t' Sanfobd's Liver InvigoratokJ
Sis a Standard Family Remedy for ,
jmBeune oi uie ijiver, sstomach "itji
and Bowels. It is Purely "51 fjL 3
jtckcuiuib. ii never
jueDUitatea it is I
JCathartic and
ft0. .c.66. oWaC
l 0 v
AC
1 : i
, v.
I tjr ta8 been nsedS
in my practice
! and bv th nnhli.
r lor more than S3 years,
' vith nuprecedentod results.2
SEND FOR CIRCULAR.
iS. T.V.'. SANFORD, H.D., L'i?giSJ
ANY Unl'iiUIST WILL TKLL YOi: ITS UEPrTiTlOX, i
June 21, 1870.
OPIUM
n4 MOllPIIINEh.bH.h.ii
iuinly ftnii Beiiil)r eurtd. YtLin
l.i. No publicity. Kvud itKinp
fi.r full pftrliaiilirl. Dr. Cirltuti.
2U 6. t li bu. C bic.jo. 11L
TUB PltlN'TTNO of every description neatly
and nromiitlv executed at Reasonable Rates
at the Bloomtlahl TlmesSteam Job Otllce.
i.uuiu,
fair- r
Philadelphia Advertisements
JUCAS'
HEADY MIXED TAINTS !
NO WATER, NO CHEMICALS, NO BENZINE,
BUT A PURE
OIL 1AINT,
READY FOR USE.
Sample On-rcls.
80 BEAUTIFUL SHADES OF .PAIST
BENT BY MAIL.
ITtS PUT ON LIKE OTHER PAINT. MADB
WITH LEAD ANDUlL. VIZ: NlcP.LV
BRUSHED OUT. NOT FLOWED
ON LIKE WATER PAINT.
TRY IT,
And Ton Will Prove It to be the Vest
Liquid 1'nlut In the Market.
JOHN LUCAS Sc CO.,
Philadelphia,
MANUFACTURERS OF
Swiss and Imperial French tireen,
WHITE LEAD, COLORS,
VARNISHES, &c
2EIGLER & SWEARINGEN
Successors to
HHAFFNER.ZIEGLER It CO.;
Importers and Dealers In
IIoNlery, JIovcs,
IlIbboiiM, .Suspenders,
THREADS, COMBS,
and every variety of
TRIMMINGS & FANCY GOODS,
No. 36, North Fourtb Street.
PHILADELPHIA, PENN'A
Agents for Lancaster Combs,
W.H
. KENNEDY
WITH
TRIMBLE, BRITTON & Co.,
WHOLESALE GROCERS,
No. 605 MARKET STREET,
PHILADELPHIA. 1
gOWER, 'POTTS &C0.,
BOOKSELLERS. STATIONESS,
And Dealers In
CURTAIN & WALL-PAPERS.
BLANK HOOKS
Alwavs on band, and madeto Order.
Nos. 530 Market and 523 Minor Btreets
PHILADELPHIA, PA
ALSO
m. Publishers nlHllulllr,Naal..j. . j
Brooks' Arithmetics. Also, Robert's lilsto'ryof
the UnltedStates.Folton'sOutllne Maps.&o.
JLOYD, SUPPLEE & WALTON
WHOLESALE
HARDWARE HOUSE
No. 625 Market Street.
Philadelphia, renn'a.
JANNEY & ANDREWS
WHOLESALE
GROCERS,
No. 133 MARKET ST.,
Philadelphia.
G
RAYBILL & CO.,
Wholesale Dealers! n
Oil Cloths, Carpets,
Shades, Brooms,
Carpet Chain, Wadding,
Batting, Twines, &c,
And a line assortment of
WOOD and WILLOW WARE,
No.20 Market street, above 4th,
PHILADELPHIA.
Philadelphia Advertisements.
" M. BARTLEY,
WITH
31. G, PElPim & CO.,
MANU r ACT I! it r, II
AND WHOLESALE DEALERS IN
BOOTS & SHOES,
31 NORTH THIRD BTREET,
1'iiir, AiH.i.riiiA.
n- Riieclal attention Riven to orders.
Junes. lSPJ.pJ
WAINWRIQHT & CO.
WHOLESALE GROCERS
AND
TEA DEALERS,
North East Corner o! 2ud and ArchStreet,
. Philadelphia Penri'a,
J.
S. DOUGHERTY
WITH
D. J. HOAR & CO.,
WHOLBS1LB
BOOT AND SHOE
WAREHOUSE,
618 MARKET STREET,
Philadelphia, Penn'a.
H
ALL, SHENK & CO.,
405 & 407 Market Street,
Pliihirielphia,
(Old Stand of Barcroft &Co.,)
WHOLESALE DEALERS
BUY GOODS.
Jauuary, 1879. tf
Red SoleLcather Dejwt
EDWARDS & CASTLE,
38 KORTH FOURTH ST., PHIL'A.
LEATHER AND FINDINGS,
Full Line of Best Phtla. CV and Ktp, MSt c
Brand, i $m
PROF. HARRIS RADICAL CURE
TOK SPEEMATTOEHCEA.
"SEMINAL PASTILLE"
A vlubl DliooTery
and Nf w Departure In Med
leal Science, an entlrcljr
New and pixltiYrly etttrt
le nemedy lor the H'eOj
and permanent Cura ot
Seminal Emlaalona Se
Xmpotency by the only
true way, Dlreot
SHSes sus e ItMINSL SSSTIlLfl
elpal Seat of the llliieaie, actlns by AbBOrptlon. and eer
tini Iti ipeclflc intlucnce on the Seminal Vealolea Rlao
"'".""VT Ducta, Proatrate Olandand Urethra. Tlieuea
pi the Remedy la attended villi no pain or Inconvenience,
It ! quickly disRolvcd and aoon ahiorhed. produclna an
Immediate aoothlns and reitoratlve effect upon the sex
ual and nervoui organization, wrecked Irom aelf-aliuse
and escetiei. itonpliiK the drain Iron, the ivitem, reitor.
Jnslhe mind to health and aound memory. remoTing
the Blmneae of Bight, Nervoua Debility, Confuaion
of Idoae, Aversion to S oolety, Eto.Elo. anil the spnttr
ance ot prematura old age tnually accompanying thl,
troulilc, and reitoring perfect Sexual Vigor, where it haa
been durnianl toryeari. Thii mode of treatment hai Hoed
the tent ill very Mvcre eat ci, and li now a pronounced
ucceei. Drugs are too much prescribed In theee trouble!,
and, a many can bear witness to. with but little it any
permanent Rood. There is no Nonsense about this Prepara
tlon, Practical observation enables us to positively guaran
tee that It will aire aatlafnotlon During the eight
ycars tlint It has been In general use. we have thousands
ol testimonials as to Its value, end It Is now conceed
ed by the Medical Profession to be the mn.L rational
means yet discovered ot reaching and curing this Very prev
alent trouble, that is well known t- be the reuse ot untold
misery to so many, and upon whom qunoke prey with
their usrlc.s nostrums and big fees. Tile lleiurdy is put up
In a neat box, enough to last a month, and sent in a plain
wrapper by mall scaled ti.r 8. Two boies, (sufficient to
etteet a permanent euro unless in severe cases) SB Three
boxes Tasting three full mo iths. will slip emissions, and
restore vigor, In the worst enses, 1 7. Pull DIRECTIONS
for viaina; will aooompnny EACH HOX.
(Bend tor a Descriptive Pamphlet giving AnatomlcalV
Illustrations, which will convince lha most sceptical
that tkey can be restored to geriect manhood, and I
fitted lortlia duties of life, same as it never affected. W
Sent Sealed for stamp te any one. Hold ONLY by the
HARRIS REMEDY CO. MPQ.CHEMISTS.
Market and 8th. 8te. 8T. LOUIS, MO.
" poutz's
HORSE AND CATTLE POWDERS
win cure or prevent Disease.
an Rn- ...ni , i ., i . . . i. - -
vim. If touts'! Howdora are nod In time.
tonti'sPowderBWlllcure and prevent HtKJCnoutKA
t&MXrrSkS Wl" pruveni UAr" lowI- "
Fontel Powderi will lncroiuw the nnantlty of milk
and cream twenty per oeul, tiul niake Uie butter arm
and sweet.
Fottti's f owrlera will care or prevent almost xtiht
1. tlmt Horaes and t'ttttlo oro heir to.
JOKTS'S POWDKUJJ will ttzva Satibfaotiox.
Bold everywhere.
DAVID B. JTOUTZ, Proprietor.
BAJLTIMOBS, Md.
Priffttat Hnapltnl, ms
3-LUrk St.,Chioii(o.
HI. 0j"8poUlty,ll
HrfvAU.Cbrouio ami
fnial lJineatei.
Con-iilLatlnn free.
I.kdUi eud OoDtle
men, otid one dollar
tor aktuf)lea of ben
rubber f-wlt, knJ
ralukhle InformntioD
by xpre: Kclla.
ble Kontale Vill, f
iwr box. Private
botne end mine for
I.ertlee during boo
flui'in flit.
A new work, prioe 1,0
cents bT nisll. Mysts.
ries of Nntura, fbysl.
oloftj of MsrrlaKS, t)r.
awns or Uensrttlon,
Iilsesse, of Youth aad
MsnhiKHl ; a wesltb or
ohnlce and valuable in
uirniittUii, of Intenist
to iMHh teles. Nothing
otlenstvs u good uste
and rennemeiit. Infor.
uiallnn never before
pnbll.hed. No fHtnlly
should be without it.
O V-Ail.lress. Dr. A. O.
nl.lN. .on Clark Ht.
CD
a
C9
co
UJ
a:
IM PORT ANT NOTICE. - The subscriber
late of the mm ol Khoades t Smltli. would
resueclfjilly inform the citizens of BLA1N
nrfKVVHlK.7Aitllaly?1? 0I,,,,!e(1 a WAGON
MAKKH 8IIOP, and Is prepared to make new
Winions and repair old ones at Hliort notlce.and
llie'o'd Inn ' IWKNTV Prceut. cheaper than
f Uive uie a oall. Satisfaction mmran'ped.
xi i . . JACOB SMITH.
Blaln, August 8,1867.
NOTICH. The underMened cltlyeti ofe Ty'.
rone townahlp. iei ry Oiinty, l'a hereby
Itives notice to any and all uemonH, not to treHs.
pass on his lands to hunt, kill or shoot any iranm
'' any kind. Any person violating the above will
be dealt with according to law
August 211, 1871). fJEI
JliltKMI AH KECK.
yAltlETY STOllKl
ni.novi:i to
Vet Cud of the Mnnslon House,
NEW HLOOMFIELU, PA.
Just Enlarged antl on Hand a New
STOCK OP
DRY GOODS,
GROCERIES,
STICKS.
TOBACCO,
CIGARS,
(JUEENSWARE.
GLASSWARE,
TINWARE,
And a Full Tarlctj or Notions, Ac.
AI90 have on Hand
AtL 8TVI.ES OF PICTVRE FRAMES,
TOILET BRACKETS, WALL POCKETS,
HATS ROKAS, &0.. &0 &C. SO., &C,
All of which we will sell at astonishingly
IsOAV PIIIOES,
To suit the times. Give us a call and save money.
NO TROUBLE TO SHOW GOODS!
tS.Cou.utry Trodtice taket. 'u Trade.-S
Don't forget the place.
Nov.l7.1878-tf. VALENTINE CLANK.
D. I. C.
Is an absolute and Irresistible cars fQr
lntiitiwmnroancl tho wne of OTr!Tim,to
hacco, INarcouiM mid Stimulants, reniuTiuir all
'iWte. dPlronilil hfthitnf im.ii u- Hnvnr than
uro Kuanjjruj3irrjinrHnTor incmpenociij
moil9amtdfoirUKt.Ti.T. tUvtnir nvrrv ntui rw.r-f'oi
soItob and their ti-ieuda.
It vrvrmtt that alwwrnto pliTrfoat and moral
InnwtmtlonthntfollowB tho auitduu bruakiutfoii
trom luing atiniuUnta or narcotics.
Pack-Hire, nrrpaid to enro 1 to D persona. $2, or at
ourdn.gglrt$1.7.ror bottle.
Temncranra nneifUe ahnmlrl wwnMav.i t.
fs peDectly uttmiluss and uuTur-falilnff.
Hop Bitters Mfg. Co., Rochester, N. Y. Sole Agents
tlnp Cottfrlt Cm dffrtmyn all pnn, lonnenn thr
ITillirll. niltclu t.lua iT.rM nrsulmuia nur aa...l .
tail, to cum,
The llwp P4 for StotMirh, Llvrr ami Kidneys,
lii poi teut ak OnxgiriaU.
The tlop RIt(ni II tm. nIRochmit. W. Y. K
l-rirflthuaurciiietllfn. lo the Hop liitter. whli-h toiiii-
tenm oevpnue or i ntoximnt, but thn I'ure.t nm! Best itedi
itw uiwie, makinif mar cutm tbno mi I other retmml Im. I
FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
88 4w
BOOICSMILLIOIM
I A. Ur(tLnew and complete Guide to
Wedlouk, cotiulniiiR, with manr
I Otliem. tllO lullowill rhanloca.
competent Wuriu.iilio.jti, Selection of
I Wih, Kvldencpi ot Vlrnlnily. Tcm
pt rainrnti, compatible and incompati
ble. Sterility ill Women, en, ism end
ti. aln.cm, Aiivite to btldrmum, Advice to husbands,
AilTiee to wives, Prostitution, lis rausrs, Celrhace and
Jlatrimone eomparrd, Connuaal ilutifs, C'oncrpllon, Con.
fliiemcnt, Ioje and Courlslup, lmpeillmanlsto Marriage,
In male and frmale, Scisnca ot tcnrnduction. Sinaie fife
considered, Lawof Marriaao. Law oi Divorce, IearriKhts
of married j-iimen. etc., Includinu Siaeaaea peculiar to
women, their causes and treatment. A book for private
and considerate reading, ol Sao pages, with fulll'lete .a
traTiiigs, bv mail, sealed for 80 ceiVls. """"" "
,vIAer1PrlaJ9 Medical dvleer.
on Brpnilla, Oonorrhoea. Uleet, Btrloturo.virloooel,,
e., also on Spermattorhcea, Sexual Debility, and Im.
potenoy, rom 8eli-abuse and Excesses, causini Seminal
missions, Nervoiisliess, Aversion to Society, Confusion ol
Ideas, Physical decay, DimnsM of slfht,I)elcrtiveMernory,
1oai ot Sexual Power, elc. in. king marriage Improper
or unhappy, lvln treatment, and a great many
valuable receipts for the cure of all titivate dissaseJI lama
lie, over CO plates, 60 cents.
. , . "Medioal dvloe."
if fi ? Brn?pd and Womanhood, 10 eenttt of
all tliree in one nicely bound volume, 1. Thtv con ain
600 page, and over loo llluatrntlona;emhraclrig every
thini on the general lve aystera that Is worth knowing, and
tnucB that is not publ shid in anyother work. The com
bined volume is positively the best Popular Medical Book
published, ami those dissatisAed after getting It can hava
(heir money refunded. The Author Is an experlenoecl
Physician of many year, practice, (ai Is well known,) and
the advice given, and Kule. for treatment laid down, will
be round of (Teat value to those sintering from lmpnrltiea
of the system, early errors.lost vigor, or any of the numer.
oua troublea coming under the heed of "Private" or
Cnronio 'diseases. Sent in single volumes, or complete
In one, for Price In Stamps, Silver or Currency. (Consul,
tatlon confidential, and letter, are promptly and frankly
answered without charge.) Addreati Dr. Butts' Disnen
ssry, IS N. Slh St., St. Loola, Mo. (E.tablished 187.)
"v,o0r,.,.?4S.Sv.p,"w AUENT8 wanferJa
(
tniir.V.ut. ""' a peiamn .uoerlng from "V
HIIPT1IHK to send hlin their names and address. I
and hereby allures them that the. will l.m
something to their sdvantage.Not a True..-'
E3TATK NOTICE.-Notlce Is hereby given
tlmt letters testamentary cm the estate ol
Daniel Foose, late of Spring township, Perry co..
Pa., deceased, have been granted by the Keglster
of Perry comity to the uudu'sluued, residing as
below described.
All persons Indebted to said estate are request
ed to make Immediate payment and those having
cluimswlll present them duly authenticated for
settlement to
JACOB FOOSK.
Harrlsburg, Fa.
JAMES It. FOOHK.
Bpring township.
May IS, 1879. . Executors.
ESTATE NOTICE. Notice Is hereby given
that letters of administration on the estate
0. 8. Toomy, late of Juniata township, Perry t o.,
ra., deceased, have been irranted to the under.
signed, residing In the same township.
All persons Indebted tosaid estate are request
ed to make immediate oavmeut and llmse Imvino
claims to present them duly authenticated tor
oebLitjuieuf. to
TH08. W. xRERSI.ER.
September 2, 1879. Administrator.
T7i9TATE NOTICE Notlcels hereby glv
Jli en that Letters of Administration on the
Kntatfl of Kusan Helser. late of Kvn townshlri.
Perry Co.. Pa., have been granted to the under.
BlKiiru in nniti tiiwiisiiip.
All persons Indebted to said estate are rnnueat.
ed to make Immediate payment and those having
claims will present them duly authenticated for
BBtbieJIltJUb tU
LEVI D. KIDKIt, Administrator.
W. IT. HPOKBLlt.ll,
Attorney ior Administrator. Junes, 117
ESTATE NOTICE. Notice Is herebyglven
that letton of ndinlulstratlon on the estate
of Daniel Forteubaugh, late of ltye township,
Perry county. Pa., dee'd., have been granted to
Haran I,. Forteubaugb, residing In the same
township.
Allpersonslndebted to said estate arereqtiested
to make Immediate payment and those having
clulin:io present tlienidulyttutlieuticatedlor'set.
bieuieui..
8AKAH L. FOKTKNBAUOn.
July 8, 1879. Adiuluistratrlx.
A FULL ASSORTMENT
OF
HARDWARE,
IRON & STEEL
WILL BE FOUND AT
OUR NEW ST0RE-R00 M.
F. MORTIMER,
New liloomfleUl.
.. ii ' i -1.
Cervantes has Bald, " ilyery one Is
the son of his own works." This makes
the great Krupp the son of a gun.
If'Mjf brethren," said Swift, In a
sermon, " there are three sorts of pride
of birth, of riches, and of talents. I
shall not now speak of the latter, none
of you being liable to that abominable
vice."
fsff"" Why," asked a governess of her
little charge, " do we pray God to give
us our dally bread? Why don't we ask
for four or five days, or a week V"'
' Because we want it fresh," replied
the ingenious child.
O" As a party of gentlemen and ladles
were climbing to the top of a high
church tower one hot day a gentleman
remarked, " This Is rather a spiral flight
of steps." To which a lady rejoined,
" Yes, perspiral," and she wiped her
brow as she spoke.
S3"" And how does Charlie like going
to school V" Kindly inquired a good
man of the little six-year-old boy, who
was waiting with a tin can In hand. " I
like goln' well 'nough," replied the
embryo statesman, Ingenuously, " but I
don't like stayin' after I git there."
An Irishman discharged an over
loaded gun at a rabbit. Having been
knocked senseless, as he recovered and
rose from the ground and saw the nim
ble rabbit making oil" over the hill ex
claimed, " Faith an' if ye'd bin at my
end of the gun, you would't be scamper
ing about in that way, sure."
Ki?"" You made a fool of me," said an
irritated man to his wife, " and that's
the way you got me to marry you."
" My love," sweetly responded the
wife, "you do yourself an Injustice.
Call youself a fool if you please, but
remember that you are in all respects a
self-made man."
If Lord North, who was not fond of
scientific music, being asked to subscribe
to a series of concerts refused. " But
your lordship's brother, the bishop of
Winchester, subscribes," urged the ap
plicant. " If I were as deaf as he I would sub
ecribe too," was the reply.
t3 An editor got shaved in a barber
shop lately and offered the darky a dime
which was refused, " because," said he,
" I understand you is an editor."
"Well, what of that 5"'
" We never charge editors nuffln I "
" But such liberality will ruin yon."
" Oh, nebber mind, we make it up off
of thegemmen I "
ij" A gentleman from the provinces
went into the shop of a Parisian tailor
to order some clothes. While his meas
ure was being taken, he said to the
sartorial Aristarchus, " You must find
that I am very badly dressed V"
" Oh no," replied the artist, " you are
not dressed at all; you are simply cov
ered." The wife of a railroad conductor
who had been discharged had the lightning-rods
taken off the house and sold
one day during her husband's absence.
" Why did you do that V" said he, when
he found it out; "ain't you afraid you'll
be struck with lightning ?"
" Not when ou are around," she re
plied : " ain't you a non-conductor ?"
3" The paternal author of the belle of
Saratoga the other day, shortly after his
return to the springs, was approached
by a youth, who requested a few min
utes conversation in private, and began :
"I was requested to see you, Sir, by
your lovely daughter. Our attach
ment "
"Young man," interrupted the par
ent, briskly, " I don't know what that
girl of mine is about. You are the fourth
gentleman who has approached me this
morning on the subject. I have given
my consent to the others, and I give it
to you. God bless you ! " .
CaT A little fellow rushed into the
street recently to lool; at a monkey that
accompanied an organ-grinder who was
playing In front of an adjoining block.
Never having perused the "Origin of
Man," be gazed in wonder and admira
tion for a few momenta, and then rush
ing into the house he met his grand
mother, to whom he addressed this
question: "Grandmother, who made
monkeys ?"
".God, my boy," replied the old lady
In her candid way.
" Well," said the excitable grandson
iu rejoinder, " I'll bet God laughed when
he got the first monkey done."
V1
im.