THE TIMES, NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA., AUGUST 10, 1870.
3
R A I L i t O A D 8 .
PmLADELPHIA AND READING rTr
ARRANSEMENT OF PA8SF.NGEHTRAIN8.
Hay lltlT, 1870.
TRAINS I,KAVK II ARKIHBURG AB FOLLOWS
For New York, nt 6.18, 8.10 a.m. S.oop.m.
nd 7.M i). m.
For l'lillKdolphlA, at 5.15, 8.10, 9.45 .m.
ion ami 4.uop, in.
For Heading, at 5.15, 8.10, 9.45 a.m. aud 2.00
4.01) anil 7.55 p.m. , .
For Pottnvllle at 8.15, 8.10 a. m.. and 4.00
&, in., and l Boliuylklll aud Buaquelianna
ranob att.40 p. m.
For Auburn Tla H.SB. Br. at 5.30 a. m.
For Allentown, at 6.15, 8.lua. ni., and at 2.00,
4.00 and 7.65 p.m. . .. . ,
The 6.16, 8.10 a. m., and 7.55 p. m., trains
hare through cars for New York.
The 5.15, a. m., trains have through cars for
Philadelphia.
HUNDAYB i
For New York, at 6.15 a.m.
For AIUntowii and Way Millions at 6.16 a.m.
For Heading, Philadelphia and Waydtatlonsat
1.45 p. in.
TB A1N8 FOR II AUKIHBURG, LEAVE A8 KOL
LOWS i
Leave New York, ats.45 a. m., 1.00, 5.30and
7.45p.ni.
Leave rhlladelphla, at 9.45 a. in. 4.00, and
7.20 p. m. .
Leave Running, at t4.40, 7.25, 11.50 a. in. 1.30,
6.15 and 1. 35 l. m.
Leave Poltsvllle, at WW, 9.15 a.m. and 4.40
P An'dvla-ichiiylkllland8iisqiioliannanrauoliat
' Leaved ubiirn via8. H. Br. at 11.50 a.m.
Leave Allentowu.at t.3UM0, 9.06 a.m., 12.10
4.30 and 9.05 p. in.
SUNDAYS:
Leave New York, at 3.30 p. m.
Leave Philadelphia, at. 7.20 p.m.
Leave Heading, at 4.40, 7.40, a. m. aud 10.35
P- m-
Leave Alleutown,at2 30 a. m., and 9.05 p. m.
J. H. WOOTKN, den. Manager.
O. O. Hancock, General Ticket Agent.
Does not run on Mondays.
Via Morris and Essex R. R.
jEWCOMER HOUSE,
CARLISLE ST., '
New Bloomdcld, Penn'n.
, J. A. NEWCOMER, -
Proprietor.
i
HAVING removed from the American Hotel,
Waterford.and having leased and refurnished
the above hotel, putting it In good order to ae.
commodate guests, I ask a share of the piibllo
patronage. 1 assure my patrons that every exer
tion will be made to render them comfortable.
. My stable is still In care of the celebrated
J March 18, 1879 f J. A. NEWCOMER.
piE MANSION HOUSE,
New Bloomfleld, Penn'n.,
GEO. F. ENSMINGER, Proprietor.
HAVING leased this property and furnished It
In a comfortable manner, I ask a share of the
public patronage, and assure my friends who stop
with me that every exertion will be made to
render their stay pleasant.
A careful hostler always In attendance.
April 9, 1878. tf
RATIONAL HOTEL.
CORTLANDT STEET,
(Near Broadway,)
nXTETW YORK
HOCHKIS8 & POND, Proprietors.
ON THE EUROPEAN PLAN.
The restaurant, cafe and lunch room attached,
are unsurpassed for cheapness and excellence of
service. Rooms 50 cents, t2 per day, 13 to 810 per
week. Convenient to all ferries aud city railroads.
NEW FURNITURE. NEW MANAGEMENT. 4 ly
American and Foreign Patents.
GILMORE St CO., Successors to CHIPMAN
HOSMEH CO., Solicitors. Patents pro
cured inall countries. NO FEES IN ADVANOF.
No charge unless the patent is granted. No fees
for making preliminary examinations. No addi
tional fees for obtaining and conducting a re
hearing. By a recent decision of the Commis
sioner, ALL relected applications may be revived.
Special attention given to Interference Cases be
fore the Patent omce. Extensions before Con
gress, Infringement Snitsln different States, aud
all litigation appertaining to Inventions or Pat
ents, send Stamp to GilinoreS Co., for pamph
let of sixty pages.
LAND CASKS. LAND WARRANTS & SCRIP.
Contested Land Oases prosecuted before the U.
8. General Land Oillce and Department of the
Intevior. Pvlvate Land Claims, MINING and
PRE-EMPTION Claims, and HOMESTEAD eases
attended to. Land Scrip In 40, 80, any lM) acre
pieces for sale. This Scripts assignable, and can
be located in the name of the purchaser upon any
Government land subject to private entry, at
81.25 per acre. It Is of equal value with Bounty
Land Warrants. Send Stamp to Gilmore & Co.,
for pamphlet of Instruction.
ARREARS OF PAY AND BOUNTY.
OFFICERS, SOLDIERS and SAILORS of the
late war, or their heirs, are in many casesentitled
to money from the Government of which they
have no knowledge. Write full history of service,
and state amount of pay and bounty received.
Enclose stamp to GILMORE & CO., and a full re
ply. after examination, will be given you free.
1 Jf S 1 O N S
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wounded, ruptured, or injured In the late war,
however slight, can obtain a penson by addressing
GILMORE & CO.
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Prompt attention to all business entrusted to
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Address: GILMORE &CO.,
629 F. Street,
Washington, D. C.
jgLOOMFIELD ACA; 'MY.
An English Classical School for Ladles
aud Gentlemen.
The regular Academic year begins on MON
DAY. September 1st. 1879.
Students are carefully prepared for College
The preparation is thorough and accurate, aud
up to the requirement of any leading Colleges.
An English course, the Academic course proper,
embraces the essentials of a good English educa
tion, and students whose progress Justifies It will
be allowed to select one or more oi the higher
branches In addition to the studies of tltiscourse.
Music, Drawing and Painting.
Patrons will notice our reduction of expenses:
Board and furnished room, .If paid In advance,
82 60; Tuition for common English branches, in
advance. (S (in per quarter of ten weekl
During coining year the number of students
will be limited iu order to do thorough work.
Address:
J. R. FLICKINGER. A. M., Principal,
or Wa. Guiek. Proprietor.
. - New Blooiulluld, Pa.
July 29, 1879.
' l.,. Al V AAar
,dU"a iii'i imjK
A DRUMMER SOLD.
A WESTERN paper tells the story of
how a city drummer met his
match In a little country girl :
She was a sweet, shy, Innocent lltllo
village maiden, and she Beemcd some
what flurried as she stepped Into the
grocery Btore where our city drummer
was lounging.
The clerk knew her, and while he did
up her parcel of tea he asked her If Bhe
wasn't afraid to leave home so late at
night. She asked the clerk nervously If
It was so very late.
When he assured her that It was but
Just nine o'clock, she took up the parcel
and hurried away.
The city drummer,looklngon,thought
to himself:
' It really Is too bad for such a pretty
little girl to walk home alone."
So, throwing aside his cigar, he skip
ped out and overtook her just as she
was turning a dark corner.
" Wouldn't you like some company ?"
he asked graciously, offering his arm.
" But I don't know youV" she said,
hesitatingly
" Don't y u Y why, I'm an old friend
of your father's."
" Indeed 1" she replied, but she did
not take his arm.
They chatted pleasantly along, he ask
ing many questions about her home, etc.
lie learned that her father was an inva
lid confined to his room, and her brother
was absent from town.
Then soon came to a neat and some
what pretentious cottage, and pausing
at the gate she timidly asked him to
come in.
Charmed with her shyness and be
lieving the coast entirely clear, the un
suspicious drummer accepted the Invita
tion. She Bhowed him Into a tasty little par
lor, then asked to be excused for a few
minutes.
As she passed out of the door a smile
hovered about her lips.
Passing down a little hall she tapped
lightly at another door, which was
opened by a gentleman of a decidedly
ministerial aspect.
" Mr. C," she Bald, " there's a gen
tleman in the parlor who seems to be a
very anxious inquirer ; won't you go
and talk to him?"
" Certainly, my dear," answered her
pastor, who waB prompt to improve the
opportunity to attend to his business of
saving bouIs as men of different callings
are to drive sharp bargains.
He hastened to the parlor glasses and
all, and grasped the drummer warmly
by the hand, exclaiming heartily :
"Glad to see you, my friend, very
glad to see you."
The drummer stared at the old gentle
man in astonishment, and wondered
vainly who he was and why he was bo
very glad to see him.
The minister drew a chair close beside
him, and laying one hand on his knee,
began very earnestly :
"Our friend tells me that you are an
anxious inquirer. I am always glad to
talk with any one who is interested In
matters relating to the welfare of the
soul.
The minister paused for a moment,
and the drummer began to turn hot and
cold.
" Have you ever made any profession
of religion; do you belong to any
church V" the minister asked, encour
agingly. " N-no," stammered the drummer out
loud. " Confound the girl 1" he mutter
ed under his breath.
The minister began to see that he was
not getting on, and noticed the drum
mer's disturbed manner, and remarked:
" Something troubles you, my friend.
Can you not confide in me V Perhaps I
can relieve your doubts and fears."
" I I think I had better go," the
drummer said, rising and vainly trying
to guess which door he came in at.
" Let us have a season of prayer to
gether," and, suiting the action to the
word, he kneeled down by his chair.
Not having decided which door he came
in at, and not daring to risk meeting
that " confounded girl" by opening any
other, the drummer had nothing better
to do than to submit to the novel expe
rience of hearing himself prayed for.
As soon as the prayer was ended he
again essayed to go, but Mr. C. be
thought himself of the "girl," and
stepping to the dining-room door, he
called :
" Wife, has Lettie gone V"
"Oh, yes, Bhe did not stay. Willie
went with her, and he's been gone long
enough to get back.
At last the minister showed the dis
comfltted drummer to the door, shook
him warmly oy the hand, hoped to meet
him in heaven, and let him out Into
the free air once more.
As he passed out of the gate he heard
a subdued giggle, saw two figures dimly
outlined against the sky, and a boy's
voice remarked :
The " anxious inquirer" isn't anxious
to inquire after the Innocent young
maidens of our town any more.
A Joker's Joke.
THE face and form of Wm. Warren,
of the Boston Museum, are as
familiar to Bostonlans as pork and
beans, and ho Is equally as well beloved
by the playgoers of the Hub. Out of
Boston he Is outof his element a fish
out of water. There, at the Museum
where for mom than a quarter of a
century he has been a fixture, and a
comfort to the audiences, he reigns su
preme. How old he is it Is not necessary to
record, but to the Boston stage he will
remain young all the dayB of IiIb llfo.
From the Museum, down Tremont St.,
up Court, and so to his home he may be
seen walking as briskly as if he were
an exempt from the work of time.
There l a cheerful anecdote extant,
says the New York "Sunday Dispatch,"
where the subject Is a visit he once
made to Cape Cod, "away down upon
the euuds of the boundless sea." It was
many years ago that tills Incident occur
red, and Massachusetts' greatest stales,
man was bUII alive.
Well, for a Summer jaunt, Warren
betook himself to the Cape, landing
from the schooner Acorn at Province
town. Now the trip can be made either
by railway or steamer.
Landed there, he strolled up the Main
street. The air was laden with the
scent of codfish and ship stores.
" It smelled as if the town had been
taking a bath of bilge water," said
Warren.
As ho strolled on he noticed with
alarm that everybody was impertinent
ly staring at him ; groups at the stores
were furtively pointing him out. One
group took oft their hats as he passed.
Finally he went to the little hotel.
"What alls them " thought Warren.
"Have they been eating crazy fish, I
wonder y"
In the hotel the loungers immediate
ly arose and assumed a respectable look,
and one or two of them bowed. The
landlord came up with :
" This way, sir we have arranged the
parlor for you. Had we known you
were upon tho vessel and intending to
honor us with your presence, we should
have been better prepared for your recep
tion. This way, Blr. Judge and
the Honorable Ira will bo here
presently. You w'ill dine with them,
sir."
Warren stared helplessly. Out in the
passage way and on the front stoop
a crowd was rapidly collecting women,
children, fishermen, villogers and all.
" Hang me If the dogs didn't seem to
stare at me."
With great show and bowing, and the
crowd respectfully closing in at his
heels, he was shown into the parlor.
Faces were flattened against the win
dows, and filled the doorways. But
there were no shouts all were decor
ously silent.
After a breathing spell was allowed
him, the lundlord reappeared, followed
by Judge and the " Honorable" Ira.
" Here he Is," said the landlord, ush
ering the notables in through the crowd
ed passageway. "Ah, gentlemen, per
mit me ; this is the honored guest, Dan
iel Webster."
The secret was out.
"That ain't Webster!" cried the
Judge. " No more Webster than I am
a split haddock!"
" Sam" both to the landlord, and
giving Warren a glance of unutterable
disgust "Sam Knowles, you are an
ijeitl"
" Not Webster V" cried the amazed
landlord. "Not Webster! Who In
the name of the apocalypse, are you
then ?"
" Me V" said Warren, who now rather
enjoyed the thing. " I'm William War
ren, comedian of the Boston Museum."
"Oh-h-h! Only a play-actor ugh !"
and within the short space of five min
utes Warren was left severely alone
in his glory, not even one of the
loungers bo poor as to do him reverence.
It appears that a Boston drummer 0
the dry goods variety had seen warren
come off the schooner, and, for " the
fun of it," at once circulated the report
that he was Daniel Webster. The news
flew from mouth to mouth, and the re
sult was satisfactory to the joker. The
fun was short-lived, but Warren didn't
enjoy it to any extent.
" Only a play-actor 1" galled Warren,
and did not add greatly to his respect or
liking for that end of the Cape.
Old Hickory's Bluff Way.
Long years after the capture of Stony
Point, when Andrew Jackson was Pres
ident, a visitor at the White House re
marked that the postmaster in his
town (who " held over") was an ene
my to the President had been heard to
call him a scoundrel and urged the re
moval of the ill-mannered officer.
" What sort of person is hey" In
quired the President.
The visitor admitted that the post
master was an aged and honorable man,
and Incldently remarked that he was
one of the survivors of the tattle of
Stony Point.
"What!" said the President, rising
from his chair, " was he really with
Anthony Wayne at Stony Folnty"
" He certainly was," replied the
visitor.
" Well, then," sold Old Hickory, " by
the Eternal 1 he has a perfect right to
call me a scoundrel every dny in the
week and to be postmaster during his
natural life!"
How Cash was Sold.
ON circus day W. II. H. Cash, the
great railroad monopolist of New
Lisbon, was In the city. He had Just
made few hundred thousand dollars on
a railroad contract, and he decided to
expend large sums of money in buying
dry goods.
He went into one of our stores and
was passing along up the floor, when a
black-eyed girl, with a dimple in her
chin, pearly teeth, red pouting llps who
was behind the counter, shouted, "Cash
here!"
Mr. Cash turned to her, a smile Illu
minating his face as big as a horse col
lar. He Is one of the most modest men
in the world, and as he extended his
great big horny hand to the girl, a blush
covered his fuce, and the perspiration
stood In great beads on his forehead.
" How do yew dew y" said Cash, as
Bhe seemed to shrink back in a frighten
ed manner. They gnzed at each other a
moment, Iu astonishment, when anotli
er girl, perhaps a little better looking,
further on, said :
"Here, Cash, quick!"
He at once made up his mind that she
was the one that had spoken to him the
first time, bo he said :
"Beg your pardon, miss," to the
black-eyed girl, and went on to where
the older one was wrapping up a corset
in a base ball undershirt. As he ap
proached her she smiled, supposing he
wanted to buy something. He thought
she knew him, and he sat down on a
stool and put out his hand and said :
" How have you been V
She didn't seem to shake hands very
much, but asked If there waB anything
she could show him. He thought may.
be it was against the rules for the clerks
to talk to anybody unless they were
buying something so be Bald:
" Yes, of course. Show me corsets,
stockings, anything, gaul dumbed If I
care what."
She was Just beginning to look upon
him as though Bhe thought he had es
caped, when a little blonde on the other
side of the store, as sweet as honey,
shouted :
"Cash, Cash ; come a running."
To say that Cash was astonished, is
drawing it mild. He knew that they
all wanted him, but he couldn't make
out how they knew his name.
He looked at the little blonde a min
ute, trying to think where he had met
her, when he decided to go over and
ask her.
On the way over he thought she re
sembled a girl that used to live in Por
tage. He went up to her, and with a
smile that was childlike and bland, he
said :
"Why, how are you, Samanthy"'
The little blonde looked daggars at him.
" Didn't you used to wait on table there
at the Fox House, at Portage V
The girl picked up a roll of paper
cambric, and was about to brain him,
when the floor-walker came along and
asked what was the matter. Cash ex
plained that since he came into the
store, three or four girls had yelled to
him, and he couldn't please them.
" There," says he, as another girl
yelled " Cash," " there's another of 'em
that wants me," and he was going to
where she was, when the floor-walker
asked him if his name was Cash. "You
bet your liver it is," Bald Cash. It was
then explained to him that the girls
were calling cash boys. He thought it
over a minute and said, "Sold by the
great baldheaded Elijah. Won't you go
down and take something ? I'll be gaul
blasted if I ever had such a rig played
on me."
Western Persuasion.
TT WAS in the far, far west. The
J. barkeeper had been crossed in some
way during the afternoon, and was in
ill-humor.
Up stepped a thirsty citizen, and rap
ped impatiently at the bar.
" What shall it be, 'Jedge ?' " said the
mixer of drinks.
"Well," said the " Jedge," "make
me a gin cocktail with a bit of mint in
it."
" That ain't what you want," replied
the barkeeper ; " you want whiskey
straight, do you V"
" No, I don't," persisted the "Jedge;"
" I tell you I want a gin cocklall, with
a bit-"
" No you don't, Jedge,' no you don't.
You're going to have whisky straight :
and, more'n that," he added, trying the
keen edge of his bowle on his thumb
nail," you're golu' to drink It out of ft
tin dipper."
The "Jedge" admitted the force of the
argument and changed his mind.
This recalls another fetory that C'auseur
has heard, of an Eastern man, accus-
tomed to the luxuries to be had at Del
monlco's, who dropped Into a restau
rant in a Nevada mining town for
dinner. The head waiter, who- wat
also Junior proprietor of the establish
ment, accosted him with ;
" Well, Colonel, what'll you have?"
" Beefsteak and mushrooms," replied
the Colonel,as "peart" as possible.
"Guess not," said the waiter, who
felt that he was being "guyed."
"Guess noty Why not? Bring me
a beefsteak and mushrooms, right
away."
" Look here, stranger," snlil the
waiter, "I don't want to make no
trouble, yer know, but I don't allow n
man to quarrel with bis vltlles in this
ranch."
With that he took a six-shooter from
his hip-pocket, cocked It, and holding it
In a suggestive way, added :
" Hash Is what you're gwlne to eat-"
The Colonel had hash.
Queer Way to Put In Seed'.
Two rlvul land agents were staying at
the Bame hotel in a village where they
were disposing of " locations" for their
respective companies.
One of them, from Colorado, had
publicly run down the quality of the
land vended by the other, who was
from Kansas. He related how he and a
friend were out prospecting once In ft
" putty tough" bit of country, and how
they came across a man who comported
himself like an escaped lunatic. This
man was described to be as "lean as a
spring bear," and as preoccupied as a
"team of oxen turned loose on buffalo
grass." Not noticing the travelers, be
went on loading and discharging a
double-barrelled gun, always aiming at
some crevice or opening in the rocksr
which lay in great profusion around.
Finally convinced that he was a lunatic,
the travelers determined to treat him as
such and that was " mighty evil."
"Good day, stranger," they said.
The man looked up, but Bald nothing.
" Plenty o' shootln' round here, I sup
posey Still no answer. "Why, what
d'ye find to kill there '" was asked, Ba
the man let off another shot.
"Kill, be Mowed!" said the marr,
" I'm plantln' wheat. Don't ye see
that all the Bile in this section is be
tween the cracks o' the rocks, and I
hev to Bhoot In the seed I"
Too Much Grammar.
The peril of employing highly educa
ted young men as clerks was again illus
trated recently.
A woman stopped at a green grocer's
on Woodward avenue and asked :
" Is them luttuce fresh V"
" You mean that lettuce," suggested
the clerk, " and It is fresh."
" Then you'd better eat It !" she snap
ped, as she walked on.
The grocer rushed out and asked the
clerk what on earth had happened to
anger her, and the' young man re
plied :
"Why, nothing, only I corrected her
grammar."
" You have turned away one of my
customers 1 Only yesterday she came
In and asked me bow I sold those
white sugar, and I got an order for a
barrel. Hang you, sir ! but if the custo
mers want grammar they don't expect
to find her in a grocery I No, sir, and
if you see she again you want to apolo
gize in the most humblest manner 1"
A Deserted Town.
Six or seven years ago, when Califor
nia was all excitement over the quick
silver discoveries, Pine Flat was a lively
little town of four or five thousand In
habitants. Six or seven hundred men
were always to be seen In the streets ;
the hotels could not accommodate the.
guests that came to them, and business,
of all kinds was " booming." Every
one seemed to be growing rich forashort
time, but a change came over the spirit
of their dreams. The prices of quick--Bilver
declined, the wave of prosperity
broke up into foam and subsided to a
calm, and the thousands of people who
had made a city of Pine Flat went out
with the turning tide of fortune. To
day, by actual count, there are two and
a-half houses for every inhabitant, and
there are fifteen houses. In short, Pine.
Flat is as good an example of a deserted
mining town as could be found any-,,
where,
A Mean Girl'.
Mr. Worth of New Harrison, Wis.,
was a remarkably handsome young
man. He was engaged to Miss Dakin,
a wealthy girl. She pointed what she
thought was an empty pistol at him,
and shot him in the fuce, disfiguring
him terribly. She now refuses to- keep
the engagement, saying that such an
ugly husband would make her con
stantly nervous.