THE TIMES, NEW 11L00MFIEL1); PA., FE1JKUAHY 25,1879.
Professional Cards.
JK. JUNKIN, Attnrnfj-atl.aw,
, Nnw Hlmimllrlil. Perry Co., Pa.
-omc Next dour to the residence of J uilt
Juuklu. tl
AM. MAKKKh. Attorn)r-at-l.aw,
, New hIimmiiIIhIU, I'erry county, Pa.
iJ OlBce opposite the Mansion Huuee.aud
throe d )Jr east of tbe Post-0 ittce.
T BW1S POTTKll,
ATTO It N E V AT LA. V ,
NEW BLOOM K1E1.D, PEHKYCO.,PA.
-Claims promptly secured collected
Writing aud all lexal business carefully attmid
dto. y
CHARLES li. HMIMiY, Attorney at Law.
New Bloomlleld, Perry Do. Pa.
(1J8 two djor eit of Jofih Kmilira
hotel.
( August !i, 14.2.
trM. A.8PON8LEK, Attorney-at-Law,
V Otllce adJomliiR his residence, on Eal
Main street, New Bloomlleld, Perry co., Pa. 8a Ij
JOIIN U. MIATTO, diirgeon Dentist.
New Bloomlleld, Perryoo., Pa.
All kinds of Mechanic' tud rturnlcal Dentistry
done Id the best manner, and at reasonable
prices.
f)tttce at his residence one door East of the
Rouiusmi House, and opposite Win. A.Sponsler'f
Law olllce. at t
N. HE1BEKT, Attorney-at-Law,
y New Hloomtleld, ferry oo., Pa.
Bloomlleld, 4 83 lv.
LKW1H POTTEK. ftOTAHT PUBLIC, New Bloom
Held, Perry Co., Pa.
Deeds, Bonds, MnrtKiitfeR and Leases carefully
Erepared and acknowledgements taken. All
Inds of Pension and Bounty papers drawn and
certified, will also take depositions to be ret.d in
anv court in the United States. 7 10 ly
CHA8. J. T, MCINTIHB, Attorney-at-Law .
New Bloomlleld. Perry co.. Pa.
V All professional business prompt lyaudf alt b
fully attended to. 8 2 1 v.
1TTM. A. MOltHlSOX,
y JUaTICKOK THK PK AOE and (1ENKKAL
COLLECTOK. New (Iekmawtown, Perry co . Pa.
ttemlUanneswill be made promptly for all
Collections made. 7 44
CH AS. A. BAKNETT, Attorney-at-Law,
New Bloomlleld. Perry co Pa
.Oine on hlRh street. North side, nearly op
posite the Presbyterian Church. 8 2 ly
M.
L. LIGCJKTT. ATT K1by-AT-Law.
Newport, Perry (Munty. Pa.
Havln? pnrm inentty locaied at Newport, will
give prompt and careful aitentlon to all busi
ness m I't.ers lomm'tted to his earn.
V m.;e, N.. H i Nytli Second Street
Newport, April 2? 1878.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE,
-Oi1lce at his residence, in CENTRE TOWN
HHIP, Perry County, Penn'a., one mile Houtliof
New Bloomlleld. 10 ;
0.
P. B3LLINGER, M. D ,
having located In Newport, offers his Profes
ional services to all who may need them.
Chronic diseases of every description cured.
tS-'Ml-Je In Dr. Shatto's building, 4th Street
March 4, 1878.
G
EORGE H. MARTIN
GENERATi AGENT.
ULAIX, PEIIHV COUNTY, PA.
Special a 'tent Ion Riven to the collection of
tlalms, and any other business entrusted to him
will reoeive pi-onot attention. Charges moderate.
April, 19th, 1877.
JEATHER &C.
THE subscriber has now on hand at
LOW PKICES.
Good Sole Leather,
Kip of Superior Quality,
Country Calf Skins,
French Calf,
LININGS, ROANS, &c.
. F, Mortimer,
, NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA.
American and Foreign Patents.
GtLMORK & C(V. Successors to CHIPMAN.
HOSVIKH J CO., Solicitors. Patents pro
iired wall oouiitrim. NO FEISis IN ADVANcP.
No Charon unless tliep&tmit is w anted. No fees
for inaklnii preliminary examinations. No addi
tional fees for oiiutnlnK and conducting a to
hearing. By a recent decision of the Commis
sioner, ALL rejected applications may be revived.
Special attention given to Interference Cases be.
fore the Patent Oltloe, Extensions before Con
gress, Infringement Suits in dilferent States and
all litigation aponrtalnlng to Inventions or Pat
ents. asnd Stump to Gilm.ire & Co., for pamph
let of sixty pauses.
LVND O s.SEi, LAND WARRANTS ft SCRIP.
Contested Land Cases prosecuted before the IT.
S. General Lanl Oitlite and Dupirtment of the
Interior. Private Land Claims, Ml NINO and
PUS EVIPTION Claims, and HOMESTEAD cases
attended to. Land Scrip In 40, Hit. ay ion acre
pieoes for sale. This Scrip Is assignable, and can
be located in the name of the purchaser noon anv
Government land subj-ot to private entry, at
11.25 per acre. It Is of equal value with Rounty
Land Warrants. Send stamp to Uilmore & Co..
for pamphlet of Instruction.
ARREARS OK PAY AND BOUNTY.
OFFICERS, SOLDIERS and SAILORS of the
late war, or their heirs, are In mauy casesentilled
to money from the Government of which they
have no knowledge. Write full history of service,
and state amount of ntv and bounty received
Enclose stamp to OH.MORE & CO..-aiid a ull re
ply, after examination, will be given you free
l'UV8ION8,
All OFFICERS. SOLDIERS, and SAILORS,
wounded, runtured. or Injured In the late war
UILMOR K &'c(U Dtaln " penson by addressing
Cases prosecuted bv GIT, MORE ft CO before
the Supreme Court of the United States the Court
of Claims and the Southern Claims Commission
Each department of our business la conducted
n aseparaie bureau, under charge of the same
.ocperleiioed parties, employed by the old (Inn
Promot attention to all business enirusted to
HLMORE!CO.. Is thus secured. We desire to
svinsnceessbydBKervlnglt. uesiro to
Address: GILMOHE SCO.,
29 F. Street.
' Washington, I). C.
Our Stock of NEW GOODS
for Men's WenrlM .......
I. Prices from 12!4eeutsiip. ""
F. MORTIMER. New Bltmmneld.Pa
''C WFID Dnn.'tr'' wnt smeehes
k'ioos tor rants and Suits t
i If you do. dou". fall tri ...
mine the splendid assortment for sale bv F
MORTIMER. You can suit yourself 111 style and
$66 " W(pk ln0'"wntwn. H Outfit free
m ri,k- '"J11:- " Von want a business
at which persons nf either sex cm mnke treat
pay all fie time ti.ev work write for fmi partiru.
ii'ars to H. II ALLKTT & CO., PortlandMe. Illjr
I'hlliwlolnlila Advert iHinif ills
H
ALL, SHENK & CO.,
405 & 407 Market Street,
tMii!itlt'Iitil!i,
( )ld Stand of Barcrott &Co.,)
WHOLESALE DEALERS
IN
DHY
January, 1S79
GOODS.
tr
lied Sole Le( it her Depot
EDWARDS & CASTLE,
88 NORTH FOURTH ST., PI 1 1 IA.
LEATHER AND FINDINGS,
FM Line 0 Butt Phil. CMI nilrf A7;, A.4 C
Jirund, 4 3t
QRAYB1LL & CO.,
Wholesale Dealersl n
Oil Cloths, Carpets,
Shades, Brooms,
Carpet Chain, Wadding,
Batting, Twines, &c,
And a fine assortment of
WOOD and WILLOW WAKE,
No. 120 Market street, above 4th,
PHILADELPHIA.
EIGLER Sl SWEARINGEN'
Successors to
SHAKFNER. Z1EGLEH ti CO.,
Importers and Dealers In
Blosifery, iloveM.
UtttboiiM, KiiMpeiiilers,
THREADS, COMBS,
and every variety of
TRIMMINGS & FANCY GOODS,
No. 36, North Fourth Street.
PHILADELPHIA, PENN'A .
Agen ts for Lancaster Combs.
EW. T. M0UL,
j
REPRESENTING
Weimer, Wrfclit & Watkin,
Mnuuructurcr & Wholesale Dealers
IN
Boots & Shoes
2fo. 302 Market Street,
BHILADELPIIIA.
W.H-
KENNEDY
TRIMBLE, BRITTON & Co.,
WHOLESALE GROCERS,
No. 605 MARKET STREET,
PHILADELPHIA.
Tl
pURNITURE REMOVAL.
THE subscriber will be found one door north of
his former 'oattlnn. where he will be pleased to
see his old friends an I former patrons, and as
many .NEW ONES as are disposed to give him a
call.
He can sell all kinds of
FURNITURE
Lower than ever, as the expenses are ereatly re
duced, and will guarantee that the QUALITY
shall re equal to the best in the city.
first-class Upholstered Goods and Matresscs
ashjretofore a specialty.
AVER1LL BARLOW, Agt.,
43 South Second Stteet,
4 ly
PHLAbELPHU
gOWER, POTTS Sl CO.,
ECCES2LLEES. STATIONERS,
, And Dealers In
CURTAIN & WALL-PAPERS.
II LA IV It BOOKS
Always on hand, and made to Order.
Nos. 530 Market and 623 Minor Street!
PHILADELPHIA, PA
ALSO
Publishers of Banders'New Readers. and
Brooks' Arithmetics. Also, Robert's History of
the United Slates, Felton's Outline Maps,e.
PlilliKlflliililii AilverttaenienlR.
READY MIXED PAINTS 1
NO WATER, NO CIIU.M1CALH, NO BENZINK.
BUT A 1'UHIt
Oil, I'AI.M,
READY FOR USE.
Siimph Cui'tln,
80 DEAUI'lrl'L SIIAIIES OF PAIM
BENT BY MAIL.
ITIS PUT ON 1,1 KR OTIIKIt PAINT. MADE
Willi LKAl) ANDolL. VIZ: NICP.LV
HKUmihDOUr NOT H.OWhD
UN 1.1 K K WAIKRI'AIM.
TKY IT,
And Vmi M ill Prove It to bo 1 lie Best
Liquid I'lilnl lu the Murkt t.
.KHI1S LUCAH Sc CO.,
Philadelphia,
MANUFACTURES OK
HhIbs mid 1 111 pi rlii I French Ureen,
WHITE LEAD, COLORS,
VARNISHES, &c
JLOYDTsUPPTeE & WALTON
WHOLESALE
HARDWARE HOUSE
No. 026 Market Street.
Philadelphia, Penn'a.
JANNEY & ANDREWS
WHOLESALE
GROCERS,
No. 123 MARKET ST.,
Philadelphia.
WAINWRIGHT & CO.
WHOLESALE GROCERS
AND
TEA DEALERS,
North East Corner of 2nd and Arch Street,
Philadelphia Penn'a,
J.s
DOUGHERTY
D. J. HOAR & CO.,
WHOLBBALI
BOOT AND SHOE
WAREHOUSE,
U18 MARKET STREET,
Philadelphia, -Penn'a.
A LECTURE
To Young Men I
J ust Published, in a Sealed Envelope. Prioe.6 cts.
A Lecture on the Nature, Treatment and Had
leal cure of Seminal Weakness, or Hpermiilor-
rhoea luced by ismf.Auuse. Involuntary Kin Is.
slons, Iinpo ency. Nervous Debliiiy, and ImuerM.
mentsto Marriage Kenerslly; Consumption. Kb
llepsy. and Kltsj Mental and Physk-al Ineanaoltv.
t.-By HO II K 11 T J :ULVKKWELL,M.lD..au
thor of the "(lieen Book," io.
The world renowned author. In this admirable
Lecture, clearly proves from his own experience
that that the awful consequences of Helf-Abuse
may be efleofually removed without mediciue.iind
without daniterous surgical operations, bougies.
Instruments, rings, or cordials: pointing out a
mode of cure at once certain and effectual, by
which every sufferer, no matter whut his condi.
lion may be may cure himself cheaply, privately
tnrl roil naltir r
tThls Lecture will nrnwn
a boon to thou-
MMUBHIIU lUUUHliDdS.
nvalnn. In nni. m it
dress, on receipt ol six cents, or two poUaue
alamos.
Address the Publishers, 4i,y
THE tmVERWEIJi MEDICAL CO.,
41 Ann Mt., New York ; Post Outoa Bui, 5Hlt
A i iti.i: IFTZ
!.,,f0PJ, of m medioal common sense
BOOK, t i auy person suffering with (Jonsiimo.
tlon. Asthma, Catarrh, Bronchitis, Loss of Voice
or Sore Throat. Bend name and post ofllce ad
dress, with two S cent postage stamps, nnd state
your slcknes,. The book is elegantly Illustrated.
(144 pp. 12 mo. 1879). The Information It con.
al ns. In the providence of Ood. has saved mauv
lives. The author has been treating diseases of
Ihe Nose, Throat, and Lungs, as a special prso
tlce. sliioe 1S57. Address Dr. N. B. WOI.KK.
Cincinnati, Ohio. 4 Wit.
TICK'S I LOltAL GUIIHE.
A beautiful work of inn Pages, One Colored
Flower Plate.and 8n0 Illustrations, with Descrip
tions of the best Flowers and Vegetables, anil
how to grow them. All for a 5 Cent Stamp, ta
English or German.
The Flower and Vegetable Harden. 17.1 Pages,
Rlx Colored Plates, and many hundred Engrav
ings. KoroOoeuts in paper covers: Il.tO lu ele
Kautclolb. In German or English.
Vlck's Illustrated Monthly Magaz'ne 31 Pages,
Colored Plate In every number and many one
Knsjravlngs. Price ll.tfa year; Five Copies for
I .00. Bpeclmeo Number sent for 10 cents.
Vick'a Reeds are the best In the world. Kend
Five Cent Hump for a Kloial (julde, coutalulug
List and Prints, audpleuty of Information.
Address: . JAMKH VICK,
ltochester, N. Y.
I to POUT A NT NOTICK.-The subscriber
late of the firm of Khoades Mi hmiili, would
respectfully inform the citizens of BLA1N
?.nd11?"l,,-th,u he " 0P"ned a WAGON
MAKKU SHOP, and Is prepared to make uew
wagons and repair old ones at short notice.and
at (mm TKN to T WKNTY per oe ut. cheaper than
the old Arm.
-Glve me a call. Satisfaction guaranteed.
, . . . JACOB BMJTU.
Blafn, August (, 1867.
FOUT2'3
HORSE AND CATTLE POWDERS
No Hot! Hit will tile of ( or.io. IUitth nr I.trvA Vm.
Tkh, If Kniitf'n Powdrnmre mprt tn ttmp.
Kotitt'Bl'owflcra will rum nnil priivcnt Htm rnotmiA
Kotitn'n I'owdoi-g will prevent tiirm in Fowl.
pnrlalljr Tnrkovii.
FntiUM Powdcri Will InnrenM thfl tinnritltT of milk
anc oremn twenty pur cenU, nd ni&ke tUo butter firm
Mid fiwpft.
Komi's Powder will rnrfl or pniTcnt nltnoot itmiT
iiHRABR tlmt Hornet iintl Cnttlo lire heir to.
TnVTt't PownRHS WILL 1TB BATIiFAOTIOir.
Bold everywhere,
DAVID B. rotTTB, Proprietor,
BALTIMOBH, Md,
JHE MANSION HOUSE,
New Hlooinfleld, Penn'a.,
GEO. K. KNHMINUHt.
Proprietor.
II A VINU leased this property and furnished It
In o iinforliib e manner, link a shine of Die
public oat onitge. mid issure my Mentis who stop
wlih inn Hi it cuei y exertion will be u ade to
render their staj il asaut.
A .in refill hostler always In attendance.
April 9. 1878. tt
JHE EAGLE HOTEL,
New Bloomflcld, renn'a.
If AVINO purchased ihls p-operty and rehired
and refurnished It In. a comlorlable manner, I
ask aslmre of the public pittronage and nssure
niv friends who stop with me tlmt every exertion
will be made to render their t:iv pleasant
II. L. ilOCIlk.NSlllLDT.
March IS). 1878. tf
EsTATK NOTH'K. Notice Is hereby giv
en, that letters of Ailnilulstrntlon on Hie
Kslnieof Sarah Oehr. of Carroll twp. I'errv coun
ty. Pa . deceased, have been granted to the un
dersigned, residing Injuring township.
All persons Indehied to s ilu eta'e are reqnpsted
to make payment ami those having clonus will
present them duly HiilhentlCHteil to the under
signed for settlement without delnv.
G. W. ii KITH.
Auinlnistrator.
nr P. O. Address. F.'llottsburg.
Calvin Nrilson. Attoruey.
November ft, 1H7S. pd
DEATH DEFEATED,
FOll over 5(1 years RELLKKR LIVEK PILLS
have b en the stnuiliird reinedv for Liver
Complaints. Cistlveness. Mick Ilendiiche Pain lu
Sliouiilers or Hack. II zzmess, Coaled Tonuiie,
'Fever and Ague, and nil diseases arising Irom a
ilerangrd "tHte of the L'veror stomach. Thomas
Adams, of lllg Sniiily. Kv , says: Sellers' Pills
have saved hundred of dollars In doctors' bills In
thlseountiy." 11. K SEtLElia tt CO., Plop'ls,
Pittsburgh, Pa.
THE GREAT BLOOD TONIC.
For the cure of all diseases arising from Impure
Wood, and for Invigorating and strengthening
the vltm organs. Are vim weak, nervous, debili
tated, pale and emaulnteil t Have you lost your
appetite? Have y 11 nuusea pmn In the back.
e.o.1 If o. Dr. Lldev's HIimhI Searcher will urive
out the disease and bring bk the HI.OOM OK
IIKALlll. Pimples. Hulls. Erysipelas. Tetter.
Halt Klieum .o . are but surface indications of
lllond l)lseaes; mid Dr. Lldsev's Klood Keaicher.
hvpii lfylng the svstem, solfens the sklu and
beam Hies the eomp'exlon. Sold by all druggists,
f I per home. It. IC BKLLKKB i CO.. Pioprle
tors, Pittsburgh, Pa. G 48
i xi o is
A full assortment of
BAU IKON,
KOUND I ICON,
OVAL IllON.
SCROLL IKON
STEEL AND IRON TIRE,
Norway Iron, Nail Rods,
PLAIN AND GALVANIZED
no or IRON,
OF ALL WIDTHS.
iVC, tic, dc,
on hand and for sale at the LOWEST MARKET
PRICE 1 y
F. MO It TIME!!, .
JVeitf Bloom field.
BOOTS
Do you want BOOTS of any kind T
If so, call and see the
LAKGG STOCK
NOW OFFBRBD BY
. T . MOUTlMEIt.
N
OT1CE !
NOTICE Is hereby given thnt amplication wlH
be ma 1 to the Legilaiure of Pennsylvania, at
Us next session. for the reoeal of an net. passed the
8th day of April. 189. exteiidlug lo Perry county
the provision of an act "relating lothefee.1 uf
the Slierlll of Cumberland and buyde.r counties,"
approved 10th of April. Ist7.
SOLOMON BOWER,
J. W. (1ANTT.
UKO. CAM PIIEI.T,,
December 17, 1878 Uimmiiuiiopers.
A Urnr. new uml ntinplrtit Oaidn to
WuUitKk, vuiiiuiiui n nutuy
oilter4, t.itf (kIIowihk clmjtrrrat A
rituipctPiit WoHifnUu!, bLtA'vu'1! in
Witi; ivvitlcticti ut utility. IVm
prriuiK'iii', iumirrii a!eud i-.uompuit-U.rt
Htcrilily in twii)i'iit cauk and
11111.11 lO tiriUI-tCTHOIM. AlMU'tl IO llUtblllltM.
Alvii I'l .wnn, l'roiilintion, ilo cuum. Ct!fimy sua
Ulntnii'v innpnr- il, CviikiiuhI ihilira. Cone linn. C"ii
fiiipnifi't, !', mid C-uriilii. liiiiiiilimeiilitltt Marriofrc,
In niftlo it li'iriiile. (H'lciiea t t li. in-Iuctiuii, 8intlc lit
ConaiilrrM, laorot M4iiiH':r. I.bw vt Divonv, IfHtlriflM
of married wmurri.tt.. Iiivimliuft XioU(-i wculinr to
Vomon, thrir cbum ait lrUiirnU A -k Ur prinii
gitvuiP, bv mail, tenled lor 60 cn.tt.
m The Privnto Modion! Afvle3r,,f
OnByThilJB,(iouoiriiujf. sUoot, tli utui r,V rioort1s
Jtc, alio on Ppertnat'oi'hcva.OAsuftl IKbiltty.ai A Jm
potency, fum .sc.Uubuc antl Lxvvm. a. (utinfc Brimital
Kmiisti.iu, N rvmiii,c. Av rioii lo tJoi-iciy,Coiifiium t
hWn; Fl.v.iraldray, ljiiniiil ilUt. i)rUi'tiv Mrmorr,
Lom it Actual Po.-r, n, mikiiix tiiarrinitft tiunpfr
or unhnty. RlHiz IrontnicuL aril a final rimr
valualil rcrtlpta for ina tur wt al pi ivile iLawa i aaiua
aUe, utX bit Int- a, bo cinu.
ft Imtira on Manhood ami Wnmuniiood, 50 mtt nr
all tiirv in oiia iiiwly bound vuhim. $1. Tin y loniam
COOaj(ra anJ ovr IlHI llluolratioua, rnihriii ii.c eviry
thhijioii Ilia Krnralv ayvtem lliai la wortli kauTrtr, auU
tnuch that la iiur puhluli. tl In any other w-irk. Ttia t'hi
tn.rd Tolume ia ittHlilvrly th b. .1 1'uuular H.dlvl U.Kic
l'lililtiiirtl, ati.ll!ioioairitl.ll.Hl afCI gvniua It can liava
ttirir mnnry rrlurai-d. The Author la ait xprttif4
Phyali ian tif many ycara practirc, (aa la veil known, and
tht ad vice aivwi, ami liitle for trwtinmt laid do n, will
be found of ri-Mt vain to thitaa anllertnK fnon Impuiitiea
of Uic ayttrm, early f rrora.'ott vitror, or vv vt tli iiuimm
m troulilft coming under liead or ''frlvato" or
OhroDio"diaeBo. k-u( In litrlVA,iitf.f,orcotnplf
In oiia, lor Price hi Htampa, fcilvw or Currrncy. jConauU
tatloa oonfluautial, and Utt'rara pr mpily anntmnkty
nawrrH without chair. Addraatt Or. Bulta' Oitptrr
ary,iaw.ihhi.,bt.lx.ula, Wo. (laUbliahad lti'V.)
KT For tile by Nowt Poalart. AGENTS wantad.
(PR. nt'lTS Inritrt all pfraoni aitlHrirtf fWim V
HlilTUItK to at iid aim tUnr nama aud adtlrrta,
and lur-hy aiturra I hem lhat Ihry will Kftrn W
cvuuLUiu u Uita iwlrinitam. -wot Trua.'
mum
i
H3T John llrBt and Mury Jane Weary
were married tlie other duy. "There 18
rest for Ihe weary," oure enough.
U3" Young Indies think they Miss It
by not, aud many a limn led lady thinks
she Mrs It iu litlug, man led.
-
(T A rnducali (Ky.) paper gnyg nion
ey Is so scarce In tlmt place that even a
change-In the weather is hailed with
pleasure.
r3"Good morning, Pniith ; you look
sleepy.,, "Yes," replied Smith, "I
wub up all night." "Up where 1"' "Up
stairs In hud."
.
What are you chewing that nasty
tobacco for V" suid a benevolent looking
geulleinan to a twelve-year-old boot
black to whom lie bud eubniitted bis
boots for a "shine." "I chaws it, sab,
to git de strength out ob it, Bull."
ftigr A musician, George Bhnrpe, bad
lils name on the door thus : "U. Bhurp."
A wag of a painter, who knew some
thing of mtii-ic, eurly one rnurnlng
made the following undeniable and
significant addition : "Is A Hat."
Hold your breath here comes a
conundrum: "What Is the diileience
between Alex. Stephens and the man
who was shot some months tigo while
phijing whist V" Give it up? Why, one
is skilled at whist and the other was
killed at It too.
f3" They were out riding. Said
Theodore, "What tree, Angelina, bears
the most precious fruit V" Angelina
"Oh, Dory 1 1 can't tell unites It is a
cherry tree." Theodore looks unuttera
ble sweetness as he gazes Into Angeli
na's eyes and says, "Tbe axletree,
darling."
6" Sympathetic old ludy (giving mon
ey to miU inn-looking tramp): "Is it
jour inability to procure work, my '
good man, that causes your dijected
air V" "No, mom; ills my liability to
git f-uthiu' to do that keeps me all tbe
time pensive and iat down."
""Gentlemen of the jury," said an
Irish bun ister, "it will be for you to
say whether this defendant shall be
allowed to come into court with un
blushing footsteps, w Uli u cloak of
hypocrisy in bis uiuthtand draw three
bullocks out of my client's pocket with
impunity."
C3T It Is not true that Bertha Von
Ilillem bus parulysis of Ihe 1. Now,
before we complete the word let us re
flect. If we go on aud say egs,"
some awfully particular folks will slop
their subsciipilons, aud if we say
" iuibs" the other crowd will accuse
us of mock modesty. Guess we won't
finish the sentence. Anyhow, she
hasn't got paralysis.
fcj" A western editor wrote tbe follow
ing item for ids paper.
"From tbe sample trunks in tbe halls
of tbe hotels, we should judge tbe drum
mers from New York bouses have
arrived in town," buU tbe compositer
made it read ; "From the simple uiuuks
iu the ballwuys of hotels, we should
judge the drunkards from New York
houses have arrived in town.". Tbe
following evening tbe drummers called
on tbe editor aud a lice tight was tbe
result.
.-4.-.
Wanted to be Clothed.
Joseph had been engaged as man
servant the night before, aud at 7 A.
M. was still iu bed, enjoying a pleasant
waking dream, when his master rang
tbe bell, rang it again, rang a triple
bob-major, and finally, receiving no
answer, burst into mo room like a
whirlwind.
"Here I've been ringing for you for
the lust hour, you lazy brute; whut do
you mean, sir, by this conduct? What
do you meau'i"'
"Yon hired me and agreed to board,
lodge and clothe me. 1 wus waitiug for
you lo come up aud clothe me. iiand
me them pants, will you, now that
you're here."
A Pun on Authors' Names.
" Where were you lust night?"
said the judge, "Carnival Authors,"
suid the prisoner. "Stayed till nine
o'clock ; was a little Dry den, aud went
out aud Goethe drink. I couldu't pay
tbe Scot, and a Longfellow at the Way
side Inn asked my name. "Robert
Bums,' says I; Tut bim out says be;
"The Dickens you will, says I ; "my
Holmes in the Highlands a drinking
the beer," "You'll get no Moore here,"
says he;'' and the Little Boy Blue came
along and ran me iu. That' Watts tbe
matter, judge, I would not tell you a
false Hood ; "I'm Innocent as u Lamb."
And thejude thought so too, for he
sent him behind the bars for thirty
days, a wiser if not a Wblttier man.