MmimMaunnmm
THE TIMES, NEW IJLOOM FIELD. PA., JANUAltY 28, 1879.
Professional Cards.
JB. JUMKIN, Attorner-at-I-aw,
New Hloomlleld, Perry CO., Pa.
M-OIMoe Next door to the residence oljudae
Junkln. 46tl
AH.IMARKEIi, Attorney-at-Law,
New Blooinlteia. Perry count j, Ta.
l-JT Office opposite the Mansion House. and
three door east of the Post-OUlce.
t Kvrw roxxKn,
AXXOHNKY AX LAW,
NEW BLOOMFIELD, PERRY CO., PA.
e?-Clatms promptly secured collected
Writings aud all leiial business carefully attend
edto. i'rl
CHARLES H. SMILEY, Attorney at Law.
New Bloomtleld, Perry Co. Pa.
WOmoe two doors east of Joseph Smith's
uotel. August 2, 18(2
TUTM. A. BPON8LER, Attorney-at-Law,
W Onice adjoliiliif, 111" residence, on East
Main street, New Bloouilleld, Perry oo., Pa. 82 ly
JOHN U. 8HATTO, Surgeon Dentist,
New Bloomtleld, Perryco., Pa.
All kinds of Mechanical aud Surgical Dentistry
done In the best inauner, and at reasonable
PIit.oniee at his residence one door East of the
Robinson House, and opposite Wm. A. Sponsler'i
LawotUoe. S21y
"ITTM. N. BEIBEHT, Attorney-at-Law,
W New Bloouilleld, ferry co.. Pa.
Bloomfleld, 3 33 It.
LEWI8 POTTER, NOTABT pcblio, New Bloom.
Held, Perry Co., Pa.
Deeds, Bonds, Mertgaixes and Leases carefully
prepared and acknowledgements taken. All
kinds of Pension and Bounty papers drawn and
certilled.wlll also take depositions to be reed lu
any court In the United States. TXOly
CHA8. J. T, McINTIRE, Attorney-at-Law,
New Bloonilleld,Perryco.,Pa.
W All professlonalbuslness promptlyaudfalth
fully attended to. 8 2 ly.
-TITM- A. MORRISON,
YY. JUSTICE OF THE PEACE and GENERAL
COLLECTOR, NewGekmantowh, Perryco .j Pa.
W Remittances will be made promptly for all
Collections made. 744
OHAS. A. B ARNETT, Attorney-at-Law,
New Bloouilleld. Perry oo.,Pa
f-Offlee on high street. North side, nearly op
polite the Presbyterian Church. 8 2 ly
M.
L. LIGGETT. Attorn bt-at-Law,
Ifewport, Perry County. Pa.
Having permanently located at Newport, will
give prompt and careful attention to all busi
uess matters committed to his care.
Olllce, No. 30 North SecondStreet.
Newport, April 2K 1378.
RICHARD L. MAGEE,
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE,
- Ottlce at his residence. In CENTRE TOWN
SHIP, Perry Couuty, Peun'a., oue mile South of
New Bloomtleld. 103
0.
P. BOLLINGER, M. D.,
having located In Newport, offers his Profes
sional services to all who may need them.
Chronic diseases of every description cured.
S. Olllce In Dr. Bhutto's building, 4Ui Street
March 4, 1878.
G
EORGE H. MARTIN
GENERAL AGENT.
BLAIX, PERRY COTJXTY, PA.
Special attention given to the collection of
slaims, and any other business entrusted to him
will receive prompt attention. Charges moderate.
April, 19th, 1877.
JJEATHER &C.
THE subscriber has now on hand at
LOW PRICES.
Good Sole Leather,
Kip of Superior Quality,
Country Calf Skins,
French Calf,
LININGS, ROANS, &c.
- JF. Mortimer,
HEW BLOOMFIELD, PA.
American and Foreign Patents.
GILMORE ft CO.. Successors to CHIPMAN,
EOdMER & CO,, Solicitors. Patents pro
cured inall countries. NO FEES IN ADVANCF.
No charge unless the patent Is granted. No fees
. (or making preliminary examinations. No addi
tional fees for obtaining and conducting a re
hearing. By a recent decision of the Commis
sioner, ALL rejected applications may be revived.
Special attention given to Interference Cases be
fore the Patent offlce. Extensions before Con
gress, Infringement Suits in different States, and
all litigation appertaining to Inventions or Pat
ents. Send Stamp to Ullmore 4i Co., for pamph
let of sixty pages.
LAND CASKS, LAND WARRANTS & 8CRIP.
Contested Land Cases prosecuted before the U.
H. General Land Olllce and Department of the
Interlnr. Private Land Claims, MINING and
PRE-EMPTION Claims, and HOMESTEAD cases
attended to. Land Scrip In 40, 80, any lno acre
pieces for sale. This Scrip is assignable, and can
be located In the name of the purchaser upon any
Government land subject to private entry, at
11.25 per acre. It Is of equal value with Bounty
Land Warrants. Send Stamp to Ullmore & Co..
for pamphlet of Instruction.
ARREARS OF PAY AND BOUNTY.
OFFICERS, SOLDIERS and BAILORS of the
late war, or their heirs, areln many casesentltled
to money from the Government of which they
have no knowledge. Write full history of service,
and state amount of pay and bounty received.
Enclose stamp to GILMORE & CO., and a full re
ply.after examination, will bejriven you free.
PENSIONS.
All OFFICEBS. BOLDIERH, and SAILORS,
wounded, ruptured, or Injured In the late war
LMOKB ' !' CO" btalU PensoDDyalure9slnB
Cases prosecuted by GILMORE CO.. before
the Supreme Court ol the United States, the Court
of Claims and the Southern Claims Commission.
Each department of our business Is conducted
m a separate bureau, under charge of the same
experienced parties, embloyed by the old Arm
.PI?,KJ?.,1!,V, .'".u11 bunM entrusted to
GILMORE A CO., Is thus seoured. We desire to
win SMccess by deserving it.
Address: GILMORE SCO..
829 F. Street,
Washington, D. C.
TO Our Stock of NEW GOODS
ur men s near is complete.
Prices from 11 cents up.
F. MORTIMER. New Bleomneld.Pa
Don't you want some cheap
Foods tor Pants and Suits t
f you do, don", fall to ex.
amine the'splendld assortment tof tale by F
MORTIMER, You can suit yourself in stylo and
. price. .,,,!(, , , i , i j ) . ,
$Rfi weektln your own town. V Outfit free
V" No risk. Reader. If you want a business
at which persons ol either sex csu make great
fay all the time they work, write for full partlcu
ars to H. H ALLETT as CO.. Portland, Me.,-11 ly
Newport Advertisements.
W.
11. S. COOK & CO.,
Agree lo Sill all kinds of
LUMBER AND SHINGLES,
(or LESS MONEY than any other dealers In this
county. We will also take good Timber on the
stump or delivered at our Mill In exohange for
Lumber, tc,. We use Clearlleld Pine and Hem
lock only.
W. R. S. COOK. & CO.,
Newport, Terry Co., Pa.
October 10, 1870.
JONES' BROS, & CO.,
(Formerly John Jones & 8ou,)
Grain & Produce
MERCHANTS,
Brick Warehouse, Front St., above Market,
Newport, Perry County, Pa.
WE would respectfully Invite the patronage of
the farmers, and the public generally, as
the HIGHEST PRICKS the market will afford,
will be paid for all kinds of
GRAIN,
FLOUR,
PRODUCE
SEEDS AND
RAILROAD TIES
We have constantly on hand,
FISH,
SALT,
PLASTER,
CEMENT
COAL,
IRON,
STEEL,
HORSE SHOES, &C..&C.
FOR SALE AT THE LOWEST RATES.
O. Orders promptly filled,
Newport, July 20, 1875 tf
jEWPORT DRUG STORE.
Having on hand a oomplete assortment of thefol-lowing-
articles, the subscriber asks a share of your
patronage.
Drugs and Medicines,
CHEMICALS OF ALL KINDS.
Also a full stock of
Concentrated Romedies,
ESSENTIAL OILS.
Brushes, Terfumery
HAIR OIL,
AND
FANCY ARTICLES.
Also always on Hand,
PURE WINES & LIQUOR
FOR
MEDICINAL and SACRAMENTAL
PURPOSES
PUYSICIANS ORDERS,
Carrfully and Promptly Filled
B. M . EBY.
Newport, Penn'a.
: I ' i i -
J B. HARTZELL,
Wholesale Tobacco Dealer,
Wright's Building,
MEWrORT, PA.
Sole Agent for Lorilard's Buperlor Tobaccos,
Also, A Large Stock of STA
TIONERY always on hand at
LOW PRICES.
at Philadelphia prices.
Your orders are solicited. 8 44
1878. Fall and Winter. 1878.
OPENING OF
MILLINERY. AND FANCY ; GOODS.
HAVING taken unusual care In selecting tnjt
stock of poods In the above line, I am able
to otter a most complete and desirable assort
ment, consisting: of all the new and late styles of
trimmed and uutrimmed Roods, all at the lowest
prices. I am contldent that I can show a stock
that cannot be beaten this side the city.
INDIES' COATS
kept on hand or made to order at short notice.
These goods an all late styles aud all orders guar
autcedto give satisfaction.
ANNIE ICKES.
Newport.
An assortment of my goods will also be found
at Loysvllle for sale by MISS ANNIli WHIT14
Prices the same as at Kewport.
RPJiTbuslness you can engage In. -l to 20
- T mane Dy any worner or ettner
ex. right In tbelrowa localities. Particulars and
(1 U 1 1 1 1 1 1 U UA.I h lu . . 1
n.m in. uiin.ii, iiet improve your
CO., Portland, Maine. , , 11 lyr
AUCTIONEERS.
AS. P. LATCHF0RD,.
AUCTIONEER,
Would respectfully inform the publln that he
will cry sales at reasonable prices. All orders
will receive promnt.attntlon.
l)ONN ALLY'S MILLS. PERRY CO., PA.
TAMES CLEELAND
U Auctioneer,
Offers his services to the citizens of Perry and
Cumberland counties. Post olllce address,
Bherniansdale, Perry eo., Pa.
D.HENRY,
A UCTIONEER,
Blaln, Perry county Pa.
3-'trins Moderate and every exertion made
to render satisfaction. tf
Anctioneer. The undersigned rives
notice that he will cry sales at any point In Perry
or Dauphin counties. Orders are solicited aud
promplattentlon wlllbe given.
K.D.WELL8,
New Buffalo
Perry co., Pa.
B.HARNISH,
AUCTIONKKit,
Tp,l,vnJ. Perry Co , Pa. Charges moderate, and
satisfaction guaranteed. 6tf
D
AVID M'COY,
ATJCTIONKKH ,
ICKESBURG, PERRY COUNTY, PA.
tocal"8" m,lleri,te- Proml't attention paid
H
0ME MANUFACTURE.
LOOK OUT!
IwouldrespectlvelylnforiH myfrlendsthat Iln
tendcalllugupouthem wltlia supply of good
of my
OWN MANUFACTURE.
Consistlugof
I1A8SIMER8,
OASSINETS,
FLANNELS, (Plalnandbar'd)
CARPETS, Aco.,
to exchange for wool orsell for cash.
J.M. BIXLER.
CbntheWooi.en Factohy 6,17,4m
a-KorSalebyF. Mohtimbr, New Bloomtleld
Perry couuty. Pa.
THE ORI&tML & ONLY GEKUIKM
Vibrator' Threshers,
WITH IMPROVED
MOUNTED HORSE POWEr
Axtd Stam Thresher Engines,
' Hade only by
NICHOLS, SHEPARD&CO.i
BATTLE CBEEK, MICH.
'i f'iirifii mir
pHB MntRhleM Oraln-HaviniTv Time
smviiik, auq Mfiurj-MTiiiK iitmnm oi itnm nf mu4
nartloa, Bfonrl nil RtTalnr for Rapid Woikt, Furs
I OlMuiuf, ud for ttavlDf Urals from WmU .
BRATIf Hnlnem will not Snbmlt to the
iiurtnniu wuiact of limits k ino lumrtor wi k iloim l.y
Um otlMT mtvcfaluwi, wtian ouc uid on Um dltfarwoo.
THB ETfTIUl! Tbrcnfalnff V.xpnwe
(unrl oltrn B to A '1 nn l!;al diiioiuit can W mmio br
tU UMtn OraJn BAVLD j tbtM lmprovod lUctOntM.
NO ReroWlnff mhitfts Tnntclo tho rVva
rator. Kutlrvly frv Hum Bd.ur. rir-Wri, lUliia,
Bdallatich tlme-VMlinx an.t rralB-waailnv com pi I
ra.fnns. Parfartlf artnptvil in alt Kind ami Conilf tloua of
Oraln, Wal r ttt or 8 tun t, Uwadvd r UoubtL
NOT onlr Vnntly mnperlor for Wheat,
UU, Bnilart Kje.anrl itka (iratua, lit ih oml Bih
ecMfolTtiraitier In Ftm, Ttmnt.iv. Millet, Clor,aoi
Ilka fteadi. Hrqtilrra no " aMacJutMiiM " Qt raoalMlus "
to abanf fron tiralu to ItooUt.
MAKVElOpa for Rlmnllcltr of Pert
iiptn mb limn fttif-itrtlf tn imimI iialta auj Uaata.
lUkoa no Lllterlu ur ttcattarliis.
FOIIR AiBes of Beoarntoro Made, rniit
liif trom hix to Twdis llitrua alaa. auU lwtatiaof
liuuuitl Uuraa Pvwara to match.
STEAM Power Threahera a Pperlaltr.
.w kjMrvlai bmptxmtot aiaM axu-Uu M-tim I'wwttr.
OUR Unrivaled Steam Thresher Kn
iua, wan Valuablo )iupruvmauta ami liiUt;iiva
""uaiuraa, far Uiwa any otkor BuUa or kind, ,
Thoroatrh Workmnnfthlp, Kletraat
rinUli, rartet'iiiifi f I'arU, (Jifmiltrua of Kqiii(JDeiit,
our ' ViamATua" Tbraabar Ouioia ar lawootuparaoia,
FOR Partlmtara, eall on onr Dealers
,r wiiva lu ua lot- iiluatrMtau CircsUr, wJ.kh Wu mail r.
Prirafa HtMpllal. 'MUM
I A niw work, nrloa &O
tiara nMita,
Iota by mall. Urai
iia of Nature, Pbjal
oUij of Marrlan, Or
hi. u "HpMUitj, all
Prlvata, Lb rao lo and
Parnate. Ulacaaaa.
ConiulutloD frao.
Ijadlaa and Gantla-
O
C0
Iaaiii or uanaratloH,
UlaaaMi of Youth ana
Uanbnodi a wealth of
um, aand on dollar I
I ehoicaand valuable la
for aanaiao off kx
rubbir rMMta, and I
valuabt faforniatlon I
hr xprsi. If rllif I
I formation, of lafret
I to hnih Miea. Nathlaf
otfpoilva to Rood taaui
and refineaaeuu In for
mat) on never before
per box. FrlvBtl
noriM and awraa for
bl Kmala P i n. a . I
I ptibMahed. No famklr
I aboeld bo with o I it.
Ladlai durlog ooa-
flnvnipnt.
-Afldrraa, Dr. A. O.
flf.lN. Ctar-li t.
iR. J. W. RICE,
Kurglcal nod Mechaulcal Dentist,
PORT ROYAL, Juulata County, Pa.
.Oftlce on Market St., one door West of the
IV mf olllce. Any pnrsou wisliliiRtobecalledon
at their resldeaoe, will pleasct Inform me of the
act. ' 84 ra ; .
JOB PKINTING of every description neatly
and promptly executed at Reasonable Rates
at the Blooinneld Times Meam Job OQIce.
ilL9Jf f osni'.v'HfuB littu mi, ucro.
ffSjf P"XPIUTE of M.IK, a care fnrCoasamp.Vrl
kal tins, Cough. Bronrhitu all Krrofolom
iHiff. Ink rur ilrugri't for 0mas's ltil
VSvaSv "hf ksanotgat It, I will, on rertipt JPfjl
BaflCBSklk
aMiin mi jatggft
1
FOUTZ'3
HORSE AND CATTLE POWDERS
Wo fTnnsw will rllf, nf I it 1 1' IImt-p- . c-.
Tjtn, If route's Powilrrs are nurd In tlmf .
f mi iT'd Howrtrrs will earn urnl prevent Hoe Cnotasji
Fantt's Jpnwrteii will prevent Oapxs in Fowl, es-
KoutrH Powrtrm will Inrresns th nnsntltr of milk
inl cremn twenty per cent, nS make the bhtter nrm
end sweat.
Kormn Powders will core or prevent slmoet cvcbt
J)I!ka tlmt llnmn end Cattle sre heir t.
Joiits's Pnwnsns win aiva BiTiar actio.
Sold overywhero.
DAVID B. OWT8, proprietor.
BALTIatOBB. Xd.
HE MANSION HOUSE,
New Bloomtleld, Penn'a.,
GEO. F. RN8MINUEK.
Proprietor.
HAVING leased this property and furnished It
In a comfortable manner, I ask a share of the
public patronage, and assure my friends who stop
with me that every exertion will be made to
render their stay pleasant.
04f A careful hostler always In attendance.
April 9, 1878. tf
JHE EAGLE HOTEL,
New Bloomfleld, Penn'a.
HAVING purchased this property and refitted
and refurnished It In a comfortable manner. I
askashareof the public imtronaite, and assure
my friends who stop with me that every exertion
wlllbe made to render their stav plcainnt.
v, ,,. .. ! I- IIOCHKNSHILDT.
March 19. 1878. tf
ESTATE NOTICJC. Notice Is hereby Klv.
en. that Letters of Administration on the
Kstatoof Harah Oehr, of Carroll twp..Perrvcoun
ty. Pa., deceased, have been granted to the un
dersigned, residing In Hnrlng township.
All persons indebted to "aid estate are requested
to make payment, and those having claims will
present them duly authenticated to the under
signed for settlement without delav.
O. W. (I KHIt.
. . . Administrator.
-P. O. Address, Elllnttsburg.
C'ai.vin Neilson, Attorney.
November 6, 1878. pd
DEATH DEFEATED. ,
I7IOR over 50 years BEM.ERS' MVER PILI.H
J have been the standard remedy for Liver
Complaints. Costlveness, Sick Headache. Pain in
(Shoulders or Back, Dizziness, Coated Tongue,
Kever and Ague, and all dlseaies arising from a
deranged state of the Liver or Htomach. Thomas
Adams, of Big Sandy, Ky , says: Sellers' Pills
have saved hundred of dollars lu doctors' bills In
this country." It. K. SKKLEKS Hi CO., Prop'rs,
Pittsburgh. Pa. v '
THE GREAT BLOOD TONIC,
For the cure of all diseases arising from Impure
Blood, and for Invigorating and strengthening
the vital organs. Are you weak, nervous, debili
tated, pale and emaciated T Have you lost your
appetllet Have you nausea, pain In the back,
&C.T If so, Dr. Lldsey's Blood Searcherwlll drive
out the disease and bring back the BLOOM OK
HEALTH. Pimples, Boils. Erysipelas. Tetter.
Bait Rheum &o., are but surface Indications of
Blood Diseases; and Dr. Lldsey's Blood Searcher,
bypuilfying the system, softens the skin and
beautltles the complexion. Sold by all druggists.
$1 per bottle. R. K. HELLERS & CO., Proprie
tors, Pittsburgh, Pa. U 48
W ikon 4g
A full assortment of
BAR IRON,
ROUND IRON,
OVAL IRON,
SCROLL IRON
STEEL AND IRON TIRE,
Norway Iron, Nail Rods,
PLAIN AND GALVANIZED
hoop in on,
OF ALL WIDTHS.
tic., Cc, fc,
on hand aud for sale at the LOWEST MARKET
PRICE t y
F. MORTIMER,
New Bloomfleld.
BOOTS
Do you waut BOOTS Of any klndT
If so, call and see the
LARGE STOCK
HOW OFFERED BT
F. MOltTIMKK.
JOTICE!
NOTICE Is hereby given that application will
be made to the Legislature of Pennsylvania, at
Its next session, for the repeal of an act.passed tka
8th day of April, lHrW, extending to Perry couuty
the provisions of an act "relating to the fees ff
the Sheriff of Cumberland and Suyder counties,"
approved 10th of April. 1-W7.
SOLOMON BOWER,
J. W. OANTT,
' ' GEO. CAMPBELL,
December 17, 1878. Commissioners.
BOOKS.HlILL!OF!
I A law, mw ant rompl Oqld to
WAbUot-k. aonUiniiikf. witfe nkauiv
loihtra, the folio win etiftptern A
tgf- Ati iistf wmimwi vf omsunuou. selection Of
nTlNn1 f9' ;idenc vt Virjtlniiy, Tem
1 7. fM li Zt 1n Pwnnt cowmiiiW aod kiomMti.
f l,J-'MllfTl1 if Di. Hurilur (n von.cn, nd
tivitiiKiii. AJvitc to brfdfKroom, Advic l huabARtii,
A1tc in wive. Frottiiutioa, It rauar. Otfbtty and
MslnmnitT rompart-d, Oonsuaral dutfrf, Conefption, Con
luiincnt. and 4uf1hip, lri)wdimnt lo MarriaM,
lnnia mu. itmtte, Wtne f Ks'produdiun, 8inI iif
enncidcrrd, Law ol Muftuxr. Law el Divorce, Igal rigbu
of married witmen. tc, ineludiriK Dlseaaoa peculiar lo
Women, th?fr raiian and trfatmrnt. A booh far private
Md MMiaidrratc readme; ot 820 pafrre, vitlt full k"lt 4a-
(raTiuxi, if mail, ecmled fur 60 ocnu.
, - VTT. Private Medical ArtvUsr,
arktoo1.
c, kim, on npirmiiioruaa, uaxual Cttblllt j, and Im
Ktno7, from Hlt-abuM and Kiti..-t. eauama 8miba
UMiont, Nrrvou.nM. Ave riion lo Hoeltlv. tonruuoB a
in.
itiaaa. Plir.ical d.cay, llniiiaaol aiaht. lcftiv Memory.
Loaa of Sraual fowrr, ate. Miaauia marriaaa loiDrooer
LWiaaiona. N.rvoii.noM. A m uUi. r...i ...
or unhappy, ftlvhia ' trmtntfnt,
valuable rclpta Sji tia curt vf ail
, p.iu m arra. many
UH, ant 60 platte, 60 caiita. '
. . ''Medlonl Advloe,"
a Hcturt oa Manhood and Woaauilipod, 10 eantft or
iL"1 ln on "IJ bound yolunw, SI. They eon tain
apO pen-e and over 10 llluatrMlona, ambreeina; ayery.
thina on the arncreilra ay.lcm that la wortli kaootiur, and
much thai ia not puhluhrd In any other work. Tlie i-om-bined
yolume la noeitively Die beat Popular iledlcal Jlook
ptinliahed. audllioeedlaMtl.ftea after acltuiii Ilranhava
their enortty reeuaJed. The Author la an exparlaaoad
rhyaieian of mauj year, practice, aa la well known,) and
he adrlee riTen, and HuLot for treetaieM laid ow. will
be found of great yalua lo thoee euneriuff from luipurittea
oUte eyaten, early errora.loat vlor, or anj of the burner
Oua trouhlea coming under tl.e head of "Privet" or
ChroBtor" ili... i.. Meal In eln-!e yohirnee, or eonipleto
lu one, for Prtoa in akampe, Silver or Curreiww. (Coaaul
laUoal ounSdeutial, and lelUra are , roaawly and rrauklw
aawered without akanra.l Addreea.
a, ur. Bun' Uiapeer
ary, la M. ah gt., lu. Ixinta, kto, CEetabUeb4 .047.)
VJror aala ny nowa pniara, . UtM T wanted.
w-i a, evunioa.
eiuVrlna from V
iee aud addreea,
Ihry will learn B
-if 01 Xruaa.'
AT -.V.. V' 1 10 nrviwja an pereone aun-nna from
M KVyTVHK to aand him their nainee aud addreea.
ea Boa aeieoy oeuraa them Inal the-
- evaoeuuug w tuetf aavaataa
One of Judge Black's Stories.
Judge Black, of Pennnylvanla, tolls a
comical story of atrial In which a Ger
man doctor appeared for the defense In a
case for dnmages brought against a cli
ent of his by the object of his assault.
The eminent jurist soon recognized lu
the wltue9s,who was produced bs a medi
cal expert,a laboring man who some years
before,and in another part of thecountry
had been engaged by him as builder of
post and rail fences. With this cue he
opened his cross-examination. "You
say, doctor," he began with great defer
ence and suavity, "that you operated
upon Mr. 's head after It was cut by
Mn V"
"Oh yaw," replied the ex-fence-build-er;
"me do dat ; yaw, yaw."
"Was the wound a very severe one,
doctor?"
"Enough to kill him, if I not save his
life."
"Well, doctor, what did you do for
him?"
"Everything."
"Did you perform the Cn?sariau opera-'
tion ?"
"Oh, yaw,yaw; If me do not do dat
he die."
"Did you decapitate him V
"Yaw, yaw; me do dat too."
"Did you hold a post-mortem examin
ation'!"' "Oh, to be sure, Schudge ; me always
do dat."
"Well, now, doctor" and here the
Judge bent over in a friendly, familiar
way "tell us whether you submitted
your patient to the process known
among medical men as the post-aud-rail-fenclorumr"'
The mock doctor drew himself up
indignantly; "Sherry I'lack," says he,
"I alvays knowed you vas a tarn jay
hawk lawyer, an' now I know you are
a tarn mean man."
Where the Difference Was.
A good story is told of comedian Joe
Murphy.
It was during the "blue ribbon" ex
citement, and Joe was journeyiug to a
small town in the vicinity of Pittsburg.
As the train steamed into the depot, it
was boarded by a half dozen men, who, .
after a hurried conference with the
conductor, approached the comedian
with beaming faces.
"Mr. Murphy' I believe," said the
spokesman, hat In hand.
"At your service, sir," replied Joe.
"Delighted to meet you, sir. We are
the committee appointed to take you in
charge," and they fairly dragged the
astonished Joe from the car, placed him
in a carriage, and they were whirled
swiftly away.
"God bless us," thought the exponent
oflrish peculiarities. "This is very kind.
Never was in the town before. A man's
reputation does travel.and that's a fact."
In a short time they reached the ho
tel, and the committee having placed
Joe in the best parlor suite, prepared to
depart. "We will call for you after
supper, Mr. Murphy," said the spokes
man. "One moment, gentlemen," cried, St.
Joseph,as be pulled the bell-chord vigor
ously. "Waiter, drinks for the party."
"Drinks V" shrieked the conclave in
a chorus. "Mr. Murphy ,are you rjoad?"
"Mad," echoed Joe ; not a bit of It.
Name you i beverages, gentlemen.
"Oh, this is a terrible backsliding,"
said one, "Francis Murphy ordering
drinks."
"Francis Murphy," repeated the per
plexed Joe. "I am Joe Murphy the
comedian."
They saw It all and rushed wildly
from the room in search of the temper
ance apostle who was even them toiling
painfully from the depot on foot, "tot
ing" a huge carpet bag.
Both the Murpbys drew large houses
that night.
eELr"0 Granny I" cried Tommy at the
top of his voice, "I just seen the biggest
ant ! It couldn't begin to get into that
door." Granny was duly excited, but
not so much so as when Tommy told
her it was an eleph-ant.
gjrA tenant had be n importuned so
frequently for his rent that In a climax of
exasperation he turned on the landlord
with the cogent and conclusive retort ;
"Now, you needn't put on so many
airs, old man. Why, I owe enough in
this town to buy up all your old houses."
Crlt must be gratifying to parents to
know that their boys have so perfectly
acquired Latin that they are able to use
it Id ordinary discourse. Two of them
were one day engaged in pummelling
each other.when a third cried out, "Sov
et timm, Romeo!"