ItttMWMVMUMNrl
-
VOL. XII.
JSTliTVV BLOOMFIELD, JEJ., TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 1878.
NO. 37.
THE TIMES.
An Independent Family Newspaper,
IB PUBLIBHBD IVEHT TUBSDAT BT
F. MOllTBJEll & CO.
8 U 11 9 C H I 1' X 1 O M 1MUCE,
(WITHIK THE C0UKT1'.
One Year Jl 2S
Bix Months 75
(OUT OF THB COCHTT.
One Year, (Poitase Included) II PO
ix Months, (Postage included) 85
Invariably iu Advance I
W Advertising rates furnished upon appll
'Cation. $eledt Poetry.
"Man Proposes."
"We parted one eve at the garden gate
When the dew was on the heather,
And I promised my love to come back to her,
Ere the pleasant autum weather
That we twain might wed
When the leaveB were red,
And live and love together.
BUT ANOTHER MAN DISPOSES.
I found my love at the garden gate,
Just where I expected to find her,
And I found, also, too awfully late
That her father was right behind her
And he gave me a " toot"
With a government boot,
That shattered my day dreams, kinder.
WEIGHING A SHOP GIRL.
A ND you really fancy yourself In
XX. love with this fair-haired little
ehop girl V"
Mr. Meredith, a tall, noble-featured
man of fifty, looking rather sadly at his
enthusiastic young nephew.
" Fancy, uncle ? That is hardly an
appropriate word to use. I am quite
certain of that fact."
" I consider you will think me a very
poor judge of the human character, if I
tell you that I like her cousin's demure
face best. Believe me, Harry, there is
more real stamina in Ruth Durr than in
her pretty cousin Rachel."
" There, sir," answered Harry, reso
lutely, " is where I beg leave to differ
with you."
"Well, my boy, you must choose for
yourself. Remember, it Is no question
of a partner for a waltz, or a pair of
bright eyes whose glitter is to amuse you
for one or two evenings. The woman
whom you now selct for your wife must
necessarily exert a more or less potent
influence over your whole life."
" I know, sir," and Harry's mirthful
face became for the moment almost
grave.
" That she earns her own living be
hind the counter of a fancy store that
they both do, is no drawback in my
eyes. Independence and self-reliance are
to me cardinal virtues, and even though
your wife will be raised into an atmos
phere of comparative wealth, a few les
sons taken beforehand in the impartial
school of worldly experience will be of
incalculable use to her."
Harry Meredith 6at long that night,
before the snug bright fire In his snug
little bachelor apartment, musing over
his uncle's words.
He had met the two (.cousins, Rachel
and Ruth Durr at a quiet little birthday
gathering at the bouse of a friend, and
had instantaneously felt drawn towards
the elder one, elder by eighteen months,
he was a beautiful blonde, while the
other was rather of the brunette type. .
During the three months which had
followed upon his first Introduction,
Harry Meredith had contrived to see the
cousins several times a week, and, con
sequently fell deep in love with the
golden-haired lassie even while he was
julte conscious of Ruth's deeper charac
ter and stronger intellect.
Sometimes be was almost tempted to
waver in his allegiance toward the older,
nd then betook himself with very un
necessary sternness to task.
To-night, , however, he passed the
whole of the last few weeks In review
before his memory, and decided that in
action was the very worst policy in the
world.
" This suspense must be put an end
to," ejaculated our hero half aloud, and
then be smiled mischievously to him
self, as an idea came into bin bead.
" 111 do it," he thought, biting his
Up. " Of course it's merely for the fun
of the thing. I have not the shadow of
a doubt that she is all she seems, but
still-"
He was silent for a few minutes, and
then arose to prepare for slumber.
" They are polite enough to me as the
favored child of luxury. Now I will
take measures to learn whether this
courtesy is genuinely from the heart, or
merely born of empty form and adula
tion to wealth."
So our hero, laying his head on his
pillow, dreamed of private masquerade
parties all night long.
Rachel Durr and her cousin Ruth
were shop girls in Savery and St. Clair's
great fancy store.
"Oh, dear!" sighed Rachel, one morn
ing as she took off her bonnet in the
little dressing-room at the back of the
store and shook down her golden show
er of curls, " how tired I am of this
horrid drudgery. How I wish Harry
Meredith would propose if he's going
to."
Ruth laughed as she smoothed down
her satin-brown hair, and tied the bow
of her crimson ribbon at her throat.
" And what do you think of me,
Rachel I I, who have no such brilliant
hopes of matrimony to light up the
monotony of my dally toil 1" .
Rachel shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't see how you bear it bo pa
tiently. I should die with vexation and
'ennui; if I did not hope for something
better.
"Hush I" said Ruth, " there is Mrs.
Wickes, the forewoman calling us."
" How I hate the old vixen I" Rachel
ejaculated, slowly following Ruth into
the store.
" Really, Miss Rachel Durr, you must
be a little more punctual," said Mrs.
Wickes, pursing up her mouth primly.
" You are full five minutes behind time,
and it was just db yesterday.
Rachel pouted and went to work la
beling a box of newly arrived ribbons.
She and Mrs. Wickes had never agreed
very harmoniously, nor did she afliliate
with the shop girls. " A stuck up, im
pertinent thing," they call her ; while
she, from the serene heights of the pos
sibility of her one day becoming Mrs.
Harry Meredith, treated them with dis
dain which was anything in the world
but agreeable.
In vain were Ruth remonstrances.
Rachel had always been wilful and in
clined to superciliousness, nor would she
listen to her cousin's mildly proffered
advice now.
" It's all very well for you, Ruth, you
have got to spend all your days," but
she said, curling her pretty lips, " but I
shall soon be lifted out of this groveling
atmosphere."
" It is by no means a certainty."
" Yes it is," laughingly answered
Rachel, blushing like a damask rose.
And Ruth would sigh softly,and think
how brightly the future was unrolling
its vast map before her pretty little
cousin.
Rachel Durr waited rather languidly
upon one or two customers that morn
ing. Evidently her heart was not In
her work, and Mrs. Wickes, from her
lurking place behind the cash box, cast
several envenomed glances towards her
premonitory of a coming storm.
Presently a new customer hobbled in
bent and crooked, and made his way di
rectly to the counter where Rachel and
Ruth were standing. A huge cotton
umbrella protruded in a war like man
ner from beneath his arm, and mended
cotton gloves covered his hands while a
rusty red wig was half concealed by his
battered hat.
" My goodness! Ruth, what a fig
ure!" ejaculated Rachel, in a very audi
ble voice. " What can that old bundle
of second-hand clothes want here?"
"Hush!" said Ruth, almost sternly,
" be will bear you ?"
" And what if he does r What do I
care?" '
" He is old and very infirm, Rachel,
and his age should render him sacred in
your eyes."
Rachel tossed her head sneeringly.
". Ruth, you are too absurd for any.
thing. I won't wait on him."
But the old man steered resolutely for
Rachel herself.
" I want to buy some gloves, miss,"
be said, in a feeble croaking voice.
"You'd better go somewhere else,"
said the young lady, superciliously:
" our store doesn't keep cheap goods."
" Please let me see the articles," he
asked.
Rachel tossed a box down on the
counter ; the old man bent his specta
cled eyes down to survey the goods.
" How much are these ?"
" A dollar a pair."
" But I am a poor man ; have you
nothing cheaper ?"
11 No!" snapped Rachel, " I told you
to go elsewhere, 1 have no patience with
paupers."
"I beg your pardon," said the old
man, " I am not a pauper."
" Well," observed the girl, scornfully,
"you look like one."
" Appearances are dreadful deceitful.
Did you tell me you had cheaper
gloves ?"
" I didn't tell you any such thing I"
" Rachel 1" remonstrated her cousin.
"Let me show you what you want,
sir, she said, softly, turning to the old
customer. " We have some very nice
gloves at seventy-five cents."
" Seventy-five cents is a great deal of
money to pay for a pair of gloves," said
the old man looking sorrowfully down
on the mended fingers of those he wore,
" but the weather Is getting very frosty,
and I am not so young as I was."
" I should think that was quite evi
dent," said Rachel, with a heartless tit
ter. Ruth bent toward the old man, saying
in a low, sweet voice :
" Take the warm worsted gloves, sir.
The price Is seventy-five cents, but you
shall have them for fifty. I myself will
make up the difference to the store.
You are an old gentleman, and I am
young and able to work."
" But I am nothing to you, Miss."
Ruth folded the gloves neatly in a
piece of paper, and handed them to
him.
. " For the sake of the dear father who
died a year ago, old age can never be
4 nothing' to me, sir. Please don't
thank me ; indeed I deserve no grati
tude." And Ruth drew blushingly back,
while Rachel burst into a laugh.
" Upon my word, Ruth, you are the
greatest fool 1 ever saw!" she cried
while the old gentleman hobbled out of
the store. " I would see the old beggar
in J ericho before I would have given him
anything. Why doesn't he go to the
poor house ?"
The days crept on and one day Mr.
Harry Meredith astonished little Ruth
Durr very much by asking her to be his
wife.
It was as if the gates of Paradise had
been suddenly opened to her the mod
est little girl, secretly worshipping Har
ry Meredith in her heart of hearts had
never dreamed of the possibility of such
good luck being in store for her.
That evening she told her cousin.
Rachel listened In silence. The prize
bad been near her grasp once, but some
how it had slipped away.
"I think you must be mistaken,
Ruth," she said, acrimoniously. "I
think Mr. Meredith never would"
She checked herself, for at that in
stant the door opened, and Harry Mere
dith was announced.
" Well, Rachel," he said, pleasantly,
" are you ready to congratulate me upon
the sweet little wife I have won ?"
Rachel muttered one or two formal
sentences, but she was very pale. Mere
dith observed her with a smile.
"Ruth," he said, turning with a
smile, " I have something to show
you."
He put a tiny parcel in her hand. She
opened It, and out fell a pair of worsted
gloves.
She looked wistfully into his face,then
the whole tide of memory came back
upon heart.
" Harry ! were you the old man ?"
" I was the old man, my dearest."
And then Rachel knew why it was
that the ship freighted with all her
hopes had drifted away, when it was so
near the haven. She had been weigh
ed and found wanting.
Where She was Fooled.
f"PHE colonel, a roA mnrHnuf la alf
1 ting at the window of his room,'
when looking out he sees a captain
crossing the barrack yard towards the
.gate. Looking at him closely, he Is
shocked to observe that, the rules and
regulations to the contrary notwith-
standing, the captain does not carry a
sword.
"Captain," he calls from the win
dow. "Hi, captain; step up to my
room for a moment will you ?"
The captain obeys promptly, borrows
a sword from the officer of the guard,
the guard-room being at the foot of the
stairs, and presents himself to the old
colonel, in Irreproachable manner.
The colonel Is somewhat surprised to
see the sword In its place, and having to
invent some pretext for calling his
subordinate back, says with some con
fusion :
" I beg your pardon, captain, but real
ly I've forgotten what I wanted to speak
to you about. However, it can't have
been anything very important; It will
keep. Good morning."
The captain salutes, departs, returns
the sword to its owner, and Is making
off across the barrack yard, when he
again comes within the range of the
colonel's vision.
The colonel rubs his eyes, stares, says
softly to himself:
" How in thunder Is this ? Dem it,
he hasn't a sword to his waist."
Then he calls aloud :
" Captain I Ho.captain, one moment,
please."
The captain returns, borrows the
sword again, mounts the stairs and en
ters the colonel's presence. His com
manding officer stares at him Intently ;
he has a sword, he sees it, he hears It.
"Captain," he stammers growing
very hot, "it's deuced ridiculous, you
know, but ha! ha! I'd just remeni
membered what I wanted to say to you,
and now ha ! ha ! it's gone out of my
head again I Funny, isn't it ? Ha I ha !
Losing my memory. Nevermind. I'll
think of it and write you. Qood morn
ing." The captain salutes, departs, returns
the sword to its owners and makes for
the gate. As he crosses the barrack
yard, tho colonel calls his wife to his
side and says:
" See that officer out there ?"
"Yes."
" Has he got a sword on ?"
The colonel's wife adjusts her eye
glass upon him, scans him keenly and
says :
" He hasn't the taste of a sword."
The colonel says :
" That's just where you fool your
self. He has I"
The Gregg-M'Duffy Case.
I AM afraid the case of James Bu
chanan Gregg now pending in Con
gress, is not fully understood by the
country. The facts are these :
Mrs. Pandora McDuffy, Mr. Gregg's
mother-in-law ,went to Venezuela,sever
al years ago, to look after some indigo
mines which had been owned by her
deceased husband. While she was there
she died, and her body was prepared for
shipment to the United States. About
the same time Admiral Paregorikoff, of
the Russian South Pacific Squodron,also
died while upon a trip through Ven
ezuela, and his body was packed in a
colli n for transportation home.
Unhappily the coffins resembled each
other closely, and, as they lay upon the
wharf together, it so happened that Mrs.
McDuffy'a body was placed in a boat,
and taken aboard the Russian frigate,
where it was received with the highest
honors. Meantime, nobody discovered
the mistake, and the remains of Ad
miral Paregorikoff were shipped by
steamer home to James Buchanan
Gregg, of Baltimore.
Poor Mrs. McDuffy had a royal time
of it on the Russian frigate. The cap
tain fired a salute of five guns every two
hours during the entire voyage ; all the
flags were at half mast, the officers could
hardly take observations for crying,
and the band used up 200,000 cubic feet
of wind a day playing melancholy dirges
over the coffin.
When the vessel reached St. Peters
burg there was a turn-out of Grand
Dukes and Princes and so forth, and the
late Mrs. McDuffy was taken away to a
gorgeous sepulcher by a funeral proces
sion that netted the Paregorikoff fami
ly undertaker not less than ten thou
sand dollars.
' The other coffin went direct to Baltl
more. When It reached Gregg's house,
he pried the lid off while Mrs. Giegg
and the children, and his aunt stood by
sobbing. (Gregg's first feeling was one
of amazement at observing that Mrs.
McDuffy had grown side whiskers and
a mustache while she was in Venezuela.
His aunt said she thought the nose was
remarkably red for a strlckly temperate
woman, and Mrs. Gregg declared that
she never before noticed that wart over
Mrs. McDuffy 's left eyebrow.
However, they replaced the lid,and in
terred the corpse in Gregg's splendid
marble family vault at the cemetery ,and
so the matter rested.
One day, several months later, a Rus
sian frigate sailed up the Chesapeake,
and landed a squad of ten sailors at Bal
timore. They marched out to the cem
etery, where they undermined Gregg's
marble vault, blew it to splinters, seized
the coffin of the supposed Mrs. McDuf
fy, and carried it aboard the frigate.
In consequence of this outrage some
diplomatic correspondence ensued,whlch
explained the matter, and Mr. Gregg
went over to Russia to collect Mrs. Mo
Duffy from that despotic government.
He found that the family of Admiral
Paregorikoff, upon discovering Mrs. Mc
Duffy in the coffin, were so much en
raged that they pitched her and the
coffin into the Neva. She floated calm
ly out with the tide, and spent the next
two months in cruising about the Gulf
of Bothnia, drifting off occasionally,into
the Skager Rack and Cattegat, and
bumping up, now and then, against
Denmark, and Sweden, and Norway, in
a most scandalous manner. Finally
the captain of a Copenhagen schooner
fished her out, tied an anvil to her, and
sank her in 600 fathoms of water.
Gregg at once put in a claim against
the Russian government for $200,000
damages, to which Russia responded
with a bill of $250,000 for transportation
of Mrs. Duffy, for the musio by the
band, for eight tons of powder fired off
in saluting her, and forfuneral expenses
generally. Gregg then carried the mat
ter into Congress, and his friends are
pushing through a resolution which re
quires the State Department to present
the following alternatives to the Russian
government :
1. The Russian government to drag
the Baltic Sea with grappling-irons for
the purpose of resurrecting the original
Mrs. McDuffy.
2. Or to kill some respectable Russian
mother-in-law and ship the body, at the
expense of Russia, to Baltimore.
3. Or to pay $200,000 damages.
4. Or to fight.
Prominent statesmen In Washington
believe that the Russians will refuse to
give reparation, and in that event,a war
with Russia over James Buchanan
Gregg's mother-in-law may be regarded
os certain. The Czar will find Gregg to
be a dangerous man when he gets
.angry. If we win in the fight Gregg
proposes to make peace on condition
that the Czar himself shall go out in a
skiff and dive for Mrs. McDuffy.
His Recollection of It.
" Now, Leander dear, I want you to
be sure and not forget to bring those
few things when you come down to
night," said a young wife, just before
the kiss and " good by" at the Summer
hotel, in the morning, as the gentlemen
were starting for the city.
" Certainly not, my love."
" And this la the way the list ran :
1. Two yards of blue barege.
2. Three yards Hamburg edgings.
3. My new braid from the hat store.
4. Half a dollar's worth of nainsook.
5. Box pearl powder for my upper
drawer.
6. " Modern Minister" from Loring's
Library.
Arriving in town, he forgot all about
the list till late in the afternoon, and
then couldn't find it in any of his pock
ets; but hadn't he read it oyer, and
didn't he recollect it all ? Of course he
did, and this is what he brought to his
expectant little wife :
1. Two heads of blue cabbage.
2. Two yards handsome netting (mos
quito.) 3. Some blue braid.
4. Half a dollar's worth of canned
soup.
5. Box of sedleltz powder.
0. Lorlng said he hadn't got any such
book as " The Mug and Canister" in the
library.
Exclamation on receiving the above r
" O, Leander, Leander, you must
have been dining at that horrid club
again, or'you couldn't have made such
a mistake I"