Mi
IHI
VOL. X1T.
NEAV BLOOMFIELD, TUESDAY, AUGUST 0, 1878.
NO. 32.
THE TIMES.
a Independent Famllj Newspaper,
IB POBLISOBD BTSRT TUESDAY BT
F. MORTIMER & CO.
8 U B S C It 1 1' T 1 O iN 1 H 1 C K .
(WITHIN Tt1H COUNTT.
One Year 1 2
Six Mouths 75
(OUT Of TIIB COCHTY.
iib Year. (PostRRB Included) II M)
Six Months, (Postage lucluded) 85
Invariably lu Advance I
W Advertising rates (urmshod upon appli
cation. $eledt 'Poetry.
WE COME AND GO.
If you or I
To-day should dlo,
The birds would slug as sweet to-morrow j "
The vernal spring ,
The flowers would bring,
And few would think of us with sorrow.
" Tes, ho Is dead,"
Would then be said (
The corn would 8oes the grass yield liny 1
The cattle low,
And summer go,
And few would heed us pass away.
How soon we pass !
How few, alas I
Remember those who turn to mold !
Whose faces fade,
With autumn's shade,
Beneath the sodded churchyard cold !
Tes, It is so,
We come, we go
They hajl our birth, they mourn us dead
A day or more I
The winter o'er,
Ano'her takes our place Instead.
The Troubles of a Hot Day.
WHY is it that our patriotic fore
fathers chose the hottest day in
the year to declare their Independence ?
If they could have foreseen what mis
eries they were thereby entailing upon
their children and children's children,
they would have hastened or' retarded
the period at least a month or two with
out doubt. ,
How pleasant it would be to celebrate
the Fourth of July on the fourth of
Mayor September. But no, the fiats
have fixed our fate and we' must go on,
shooting off cannons and firecrackers
and working ourselves into an undue
state of excitement, the hottest day of
the year, until this great nation of ours
shall share the fate of all those that have
gone before.
The last Fourth of July was even
warmer than usual. Early in the morn
ing I resolved to lie in the shade and
keep cool ; but the booming of the can
non In a neighboring city changed my
mind, and I was soon on my way to Join
the innumerable throng that moved
hither and thither without any apparent
object or aim.
If I had tried to analyze my own
thoughts and feelings, I would have been
at a loss to discover a good and sufficient
reason for going to town. " y,
I suppose the principal reas6nA in my
ase was the chief reason in the case of
most others, namely, the disposition in
herent in human beings to congregate
together whenever opportunity occurs.
It has sometimes occurred to me that
mankind are like blackbirds and wild
pigeons. At least, there is a kindred
feeling in the breasts of birds and men,
in respect to this one thing. But the
birds show the most sense, as they do
not, like mankind, congregate together
in blistering hot weather.
On arriving in town, I was still more
puzzled to know what I came for,
I, plain John Dobbs, without any
"Esq. at the end of my name, and a sing
ular man in some respects. For, though
of patriotic lineage, and believing my
self to be an enthusiastic lover of my
country, I never could listen quietly to
the reading of the Declaration of Inde
pendence, or the supposed necessary ap
pendage, a long-winded oration. And as
to picnics, I've always detested them,
even from my youth up. And the boom
ing cannon, after drawing me away from
.home, has no influence over me, what
ever, except to keep me awny from its
immediate vicinity. '
Being unable to determine what I
came for myself, the happy thought
struck me that I could solve tho prob
lem by finding out what actuated others
to come. Having found this out, it
would be easy enough, after considering
all the circumstances of other cases, and
the peculiar circumstances of my own
case, to Btriko a balance and And out
what I came for myself.
Lest the Intelligent reader may be
tempted to entertain poor opinion of
the mental roundabout way of trying to
astertaln a fact, be it remembered that
the hot sun was, meantime, pouring
down in his hottest rays upon poor
John's head, and almost making a stew
of his brain.
Just as the happy thought struck me,
I recognized an old acquaintance on the
other side of the street, James Bond by
name, who was the very man to enlight
en me, as he could give a reason for
everything. Especially was he prolillo
in giving reasons for not paying his just
debts , and as he owed me the trifling
sum of one dollar, a kind of half-formed
resolution was floating In my mind that
if it came round handy I would dun him
for money, and if he didn't shell out, I
would somehow in aim go to take it all
out in ice-cream.
Up one street and down another we
went, he some distance ahead, and I, of
course, following after. As time passed,
it occurred to me what a grand day it
was for ice-cool lemonade and ice-cream.
Then a suspicion entered my mind that
James had somehowcaught sight of me,
and was trying to give me the dodge.
This thought, however, only stimulated
me to renewed effort.
All thought of getting my money van
ished, as I mentally resolved to show
Jim that I wasn't mean enough to chase
a man all day with the thermometer 100
degrees in the shade, and the Fourth of
July besides, for the paltry 'sum of one
dollar. , .; ; ,
As this noble purpose became fixed in
my mind, my rate of speed increased so
that I found myself gaining very; per
ceptibly on my friend. ,
All of a sudden he stopped and turned
round, facing me. . .
" What do you want?" he asked. .
Goodness alive! It wasn't Jim at
all, but an entire stranger.
" I am a philosopher," I stammered.
"A what?" ... ,.. , ,
" A philosopher. Satisfied that men
do not celebrate the Fourth on account
of patriotism, I choose this day to find
the reason why they chose the hottest
day in the year on which to get unduly
excited. And, my dear, sir, I selected
you as a man likely to give mo the de
sired Information. Will you?"
"A philosopher, ' are you? That is
rather thin ! I know who you are I
You're one of those ouery cusses that
try to make a living without work. But
you've got after the wrong fellow, this
time. Take that I" ' ' ; :
The next thing I knew I was lying on
my back, with a crowd of men and boys
gathered around ; and the man, who
looked somewhat like James Bond, was
saying: ,
" He's a three card monte .man, or
something worse, and has been follow
ing me all day." '
It was evident that the sympathy of
the crowd was in his favor. It was fur
ther evident that I would have to apolo.
gtze for being knocked down, and stand
a good chance of being sent to the lock
up, besides. (, , . t
However, as good luck would have it,
a mutual friend appeared upon the scene
and helped me out of an awkward pre
dicament. 1 , ,
It Is, perhaps, needless to say, . that
after this unfortunate episode, the ardor
of my philosophical researches began to
cool down, in spite of the fact, that the
air was getting hotter all the time.
While trying to banish from my mind
the unpleasant events of the morning, I
accidentally halted in my wanderings,
near a couple of men, whose ages were
about forty and eighty. 1
"And so Jake's drunk!" remarked
the old man. - !' .. $ .1.,
; Yes," replied the other " and Jlni,
tOO." 11 M M ! , ,.
"Is that bo?" exclaimed theold man,
in a pensive mood. "
" And Bill," continued the middle-
aged man, " is the drunkest one of the
three."
" And how about Tom ?" queried the
old man, his curiosity seemingly in
creasing as the list . continued to
lengthen.
" Tom ? Why, Tom is as drunk as a
fool, of course."
" Is that a fuel?" remarked the old
man.
Then he asked : ,
" How about Sam?"
" Well, Sum is so drunk he don't
care a darn whether school keeps or
not."
" Then they are all drunk I" muttered
the old man, musingly.
" All drunk," echoed the other.
The old man shifted his quid of tobac
co from one cheek to the other and very
calmly remarked :
" Just as I expected." f
" That old man, at least," mused I, "1
not the victim of bitter disappointment.
He is one of the few men who cau lay
his head upon his downy plllow,to-nlght
and say that the events of the day have
fully met his expectations."
' Although disposed to feel amused at
the old man, episode number 2 had a
rather depressing effect upon me, and I
was fast becoming dissatisfied with my
self and disgusted with humanity in
general.
For the purpose of viewing the ruins
of a late fire, and also desirous of com
muning alone with my thoughts, I left
the surging sea of humanity, and sought
the locality where the fire had made
such fearful havoc. To my surprise the
smoke was still ascending from the
debris.
While searching for relics among burnt
logs and piles of broken bricks, all the
while Indulging in day dreams, I was
startled from my reverie by a man whose
smiles might have indicated that he had
just found a long lost twin brother.
His face was familiar, for I had seen
and avoided the man in ever town and
village in which I had ever chanoed to
be, within a radius of two hundred miles
or more.
" This is a world of disappointment,"
he began. " Riches take to themselves
wings, as it were, and fly away. The
prudent man foroseeth the evil, and in
sures his property in the Home Insur
ance Company, of which I, am agent.
It is necessary for me to "
" Excuse me," said I, abruptly; "I
see a friend on the other side of the
street. Please excuse me a moment."
It was not polite in me to leave him
thus, but what else could I do ? I was
determined not to have my modest little
piece of property insured.and was equal
ly well aware of the fact that in five
minutes ho would convince me I was a
fool for not doing it. Nd man likes to be
proved a fool right to his face.
It is needless to say that when I bad
reached the Other side of the street my
mythical friend had turned a corner, and
that I followed him in all haste. For a
full half hour I kept up the pursuit, for
there was no danger that the myth
would about fuce and begin an aggressive
movement. Then, thinking that by that
time I had losthlm, or.rather he had lost
me, and was smiling upon some other
unfortunate victim, I "began to look
around me, and to take notes, mentally
as it were.
The first man my eyes fell upon was
the first real downright happy one I had
seen during the whole day. The perspi
ration was streaming from his forehead,
and great drops stood out like beads over
the fair face of the girl by his side;- But
they both were happy nevertheless, not,
perhaps, because it was a hot day and
the Fourth of July, but in spite of ad
verse circumstances.
" Is It not true," thought.I " that after
all real happiness consists in believing
one's self happy ? That cannot be either,
for if it were true, yonder boy with the
firecrackers must be really and truly
happy. I will try what effect a few com.
mon sense remarks will have on the lit
tle fellow."
" My boy," said I.puttlng my thoughts
into words, " don't you think you are
spending money foolishly in buying fire
crackers ? If it's noise you want, you
can get a better article and more of it for
less money, if you will go down to the
boiler shop some day, when the men are
all feeing well and all at work."
The boy looked at me as though he
thought me a fool.
" After all," mused I, " a boy is a true
epitome of a man. Men generally have
on opinion, generally unexpressed, that
those who differ from them it unim
portant matters are fools, at least in re
spect to those matters; on the other
hand, they are apt to believe that all
those who agree with them are-wise. No
doubt that insurance agent clauses men
into divisions first, the wise men, who
insure their property, and, second, the
fools, who do not."
JuBt then I came face to face with the
man f all others whom I did not wish
to see. II was the insuranee agent him
self, smiling blandly upoatue.
"It is unnecessary for me," he said,
taking up the thread of his discourse
where It had been broken off an hour
before, " to Inform an. Intelligent look
ing man like you that it tenot onjy poor
policy for a man to labor to acquire
wealth and then leave it in a condition
in which he may loso it all without a
moment's warning, but U is a wrong
committed against wife and children."
" I have no property whatever," I
said.
This was small fib, but so small that
I thought it excusable. I am by nature
very particular about telling the exact
truth, but experience taught me that it
is not always fair to a man's own self to
do bo. At least It must be confessed that
whether it is right or not the temptation
to tell a fib is very great when a man a
stranger is trying to pry into the cofc.
ditlon of one's pilvate affairs. But my
reply did not better things much, for he
sutd :
" Then, my dear sir, there is the great
er need that you do something to Insure
your family against want should you
happen to die. The man who loses
property by fire Is apt to have some lit
tle that escaped the flames, but the mau
with no property ought to secure some
thing for bis wife and children that
would otherwise be left destitutely hav
ing his life Insured. I am also agent for
the Bunkum Life Insurance Company,
and would be happy to accommodate
you with a policy."
Merciful heaven I I always felt my
self unable to combat one insurance
agent, and here was about the same as
two standing before me I
. " I have no ohlldren," was my re
ply.
This was a pretty good-sized fib, con
sidering there were five at home, count
ing the baby twins.
"Then, my dear sir, you ought at
least to insure your life for the benefit of
your wife! Think how helpless she
would be in case of your death without
any boys to take care of her I"
" I have no wife, either ?" said I.
Worse and worse ! What would my
wlfey tlfey" have thought could she
have heard her " hubby dubby" thus
cooly ignoring her very existence !
" Where do you live, and what is your
name ?" he asked, pasting at me a pierc
ing glance, which meant more than the
mere words.
Perhaps I might have answered him
truthfully had he not taken out his lead
pencil, preparatory to taking down my
name and place of residence, Just as
though I had been of some criminal act
for which he intended to hold me re
sponsible.'
" I'm a stranger in this town," said I,
" Just landed here this morning."
This was simply a downright untruth
But what was I to do ? Ought I to tell
my name and place of residence, and
thus place it in his power to gain the
victory over me ?
Besides, I had already made assertions
that would not bear the light of a rigid
investigation ; and it was no time for
hairsplitting discriminations as to the
number and size of the fibs I should
tell.
"Never was within a thousand miles of
this place before," I continued.
" Ah I" said he; " how came you to
have a friend across the street only a
short time ago ?"
Sure enough, I had quite forgotten
about that. It is very true that a liar
needs a long memory.
" I am a Turk," I said reckessly, and
quite ignoring his sarcastio question
" and have just arrived iu this great
country to avoid the draft. My name is
Osman Pasha."
His coiyitenauce fell, and victory was
Just within my grasp.
But, as bad luck would have it, my
particular friend, Teter Jones, hove in
Ight and was bearing down upon us.
He would reoognlze me, that was cer
tain. Fob he was one of those fellows
that sees everything and everybody o
be passes atong. The thought occurred
to me that I would turn my bock upon
him and thus escape notice. But ho,,
that would not do. His hat and mine
were precisely alike. We bought then
in the same hat-store, at the same time
because they were so odd looking. They
were so odd, Indeed, that they were the
only ones of the kind that the hatman
could ever sell ; and in all that great
throng not a man or boy could be seen
with a hat like ours. Yes, he would
know me by that bat. And only think
how the great superstructure of untruths.
I hail been building up to the seventh
Btory, as It were, would come tumbling
down about ray ears by a simple :
" How are you Dobbs ?"
The thought was maddening I The
only chance to escape the humiliation
was the not much less humilatlng alter
native of running, away from him once
more.
' Ha !" sold I, " they are on my track,
see them coming. Good bye, my
friend, for the present. When the cruel
war is ended, and balmy winged peace
returns to my country once more, call
on me at Constantinople as you. are
passing, and we will finish this interest
ing conversation. Bye-bye."
When I looked back he was gesticula
ting wildly and pointing in the direc
tion I had taken; no doubt telling every
body that I was an escaped lunatic
But It was so hot that nobody gave
chase ; or, perhaps, there were so many
lunatics on the street that day that no
body thought it worth while to pay any
particular attention to just one.
At any rate I arrived safely at home
at four o'clock P. M.
" Why, John," exclaimed my wife,
" what made you come home In the
heat of the day ? You look so bad ?"
My story is told. If any one Is in
clined to think the moral of it ii ob
scure, let me say to that one ;
Never tell a lie under any circumstan
ces. Even should you feel justified in
telling a white He, under some, peculiar
circumstances, remember that you are
forming a bad habit that may be trouble
some. Besides, one untruth calls for
another to cover it up, then another
and another, till finally the heap be
comes so large that concealment la im
possible. As to any other lessons that may be
learned from this story of a hot day, it
need only be added that if I live till the
hottest day next summer, which will, of
course, be the Fourth of July, I will
provide, for the occasion, plenty of
lemons for lemonade, a little candy for
the children, a few copies of choice
papers; and will take a holiday at
home with my family like a sensible
man.
A Confederate Coin.
Very few people are aware that the
Confederate States ever had any metal
money, but they had at one time a
die made ready to go to work. An order
was given to a Philadelphia engraver
to prepare a die which was used for
coining one cent pieces. The die was
made as directed, and about a dozen
nickel impressions taken from it, when
the man became frightened and refused
to deliver his work because he was afraid
of being prosecuted for treason. He care
fully hid the coins and die and no one
knew of their existence until over ten
years had elapsed. One day the engraver,
in a fit of generosity produced by too
much liquor, showed one of the coins
to a friend.
A Philadelphia fancier shortly heard
of it and tried hard to get one, but the
engraver denied all knowledge of any
such thing. Among other methods
used to get him to divulge his secret he
was frequently treated one night until
he got in the proper condition to tell all
he knew. Shortly afterwards a gentle
man obtained the die itself and intended
having 500 pennies struck for collectors.
When about 50 had been coined the die
broke. These with the other twelve are
the only genuine Confederate coiuage in
existence. Each one is worth as a
curiosity about $10, and they will soon
be all gone. They have at first view
very much the appearance of our pres
ent cent, although c!wHe inspection shows
many differences.