S.
THE TIMES, NEW BLQOM FIELD, FA., MARCH f, 1878.
I fT" The penetrating winds Incident to this
season of the year are a severe ordeal for the
lungs. The neglect of a hard cough generally
leads to a weakness of the lungs, which, not
Infrequently, remits In Coniumptton.
Sclienck's Pulmonic Byrnp will at once re
lieve and loosen a tight cough, and Is such an
agreeable remedy that children will take It
without being coaxed. A cold on the lungs, If
consumption is not already developed, may be
easily mastered by the use of the Pulmonic
Byrup, together with Bchenck'i Mandrake Pills
to clear the system of the accumulated mucus.
In more serious cases, where the disease has
become deeply seated, anp the patient suffers
from loss of appetite, weakness and emacia
tion, Sclienck's Sea Weed Tonic should be
used In connection with the above mentioned
remedies, to stimulate the appetite and bring
the digestive powers Into healthy action, there
by sustaining the strength of the patient and
enabling him to resist the progress of the dis
ease until the Pulmonic Byrup may perform its
healing and cleansing work.
The use of these standard remedies accord
ing to the directions which accompany them,
cannot fall to produce most satisfactory re
sults. A letter addressed to Dr. 8chcnck, cor.
Sixth and Arch Bts., Philadelphia, asking ad
vice, will promptly receive the Doctor's per
sonal attention, frec'of charge.
Bcheuck's medicines are sold by all drug
gists. 10 41
RAILROADS.
PHILADELPHIA AND READING R, R
ARUANG EMENT OF PASSENGER TRAINS.
Xovomber 51 h, 1877.
TRAINS LEAVE II ARKISBUKG AS FOLLOWS
For New York, at 8.20, . 8.1C a. m. 2.00p. m.,
and 7.5i p. n.
For Philadelphia, at 5.20, 8.10, 9.45 a.m.
and 3.67 p. in.
For Reading, at 5.20, 8.10, 9.43a. m. and 2.00
3.67 and 7.A5.
For Pottavllle at 6.20. 8.10 a. in., and 3.57
p. in., mid via rteliuylkill and Susquehanna
Branch m 2.40 p. in.
For Auburn via 8. & 8. Br. at 5.10 a. m.
For Allentown, at 5.20, B.lUa. in., and at 2.00,
3.57 and 7.5 p. m.
l'he 20, 8 10 a. m., 3.57 and 7.55 p. m.', trains
. have through cars for New York.
The 5.2o, 8 (o a. m. and 2.ik) p.m., trains have
through cars for Philadelphia.
BUNDAYS :
For New York, at 5.20 a. m.
For Allentown and Way Stations at 6.20 a. in.
For Reading, Philadelphia and Way Stationsat
1.45 p. in.
TRAINS FOR HARRISBURG, LEAVE A S FOL
LOWS :
Leave New York, at 8.45 a. m., 1.00, 5.30 and
7.45 p in.
Leave Philadelphia, at 9.15 a. in. 3.40, and
7.20 p. m.
Leave Reading, at t4.40, 7.40, 11.20 a. in. 1.30,
.15 and lo. 35 p. m.
Leave PottsvlUe, at 6.10, 9.15 a.m. and 4.35
I p. in.
.And via Schuylkill and Susquehanna Branch at
8.15 a. in.
Leave Auburn via 8. & 8. Br. at 12 noon.
Leave Allentown, at U.30 5,50, 0.05 a.m., 12.15,
4.30 and 9.0) p. m.
SUNDAYS:
Leave New York, at 5.30 p. m.
Leave Philadelphia, at 7.20 p. m.
Leave Reading, at 4.40, 7.40, a. m. and 10.35
p. in
Leave Allentown, at2 30 a. m., and 9.05 p. m.
J. K. WOOTEN, Gen. Manager.
C. G. Hancock, General Ticket Agent.
tDoes not run on Mondays.
Via Morris and Essex R. It.
Pennsylvania R. R. Time Table.
NEWPORT STATION.
On and after Monday, June 25th, 1877, Pas
enger craiuswlll run as follows:
EAST.
Mimint own Ace. 7.32 a. m., daily except Sunday.
Johnstown Ex. 12 22 P. M., daily " Sunday
Mail, 6.54 p. m., daily exceptSunday
Atlantic Express, 9.54p.m., flag, daily.
WEST.
Way Pass. 9.08 a. m.. daily,
Mail 2.43 p. m. dally exceptSunday.
Milltintown Ace. 6.55 P. M . daily except Sunday.
PlttsDurgh Express, U.57P. M., (Flag) daily, ex
cept Sunday.
Paeilic Express, 5.17 a. m.. dally (flag)
Trains are now run by Philadelphia time, which
is 13 minutes faster than Altoona time, and 4 min
utes slower than New York time.
J.J. BARCLAY, Agent.
DUNCANNON STATION.
On and after Monday, June 2ith, 1877, trains
willleave Duncannon. as follows:
EASTWARD.
Mlffllntown Ace daily except Sunday at 8.12a. m.
Johnstown Ex. 12.53 p. it., daily exceptSunday.
Mail 7.30 p. M " "
Atlantic Express 10.20 p. m., daily (flag)
WESTWARD.
Way Passenger, 8.38 a. m., dally
Mall. 2.09 p. m dallyexceptSunday.
Mittlintown Ace. dally except Sunday at 6.16p.m.
Pittsburg Ex. daily except Sundav (flag) H.33p. is.
T WM. C. KING Agent.
THE SEASIDE LIBRARY.
Choice books no longer forthe few only. The
best standard novels within the reach of every
one. Books usually sold f rom $1 to $3 given
(unchanged and unabridged) for 10 and 20
cents.
1. East Lynne, Mrs. Henrv Wood (DnnWdNo.)20c.
2. John Hnilfax Gent., Bv Miss Mulork. 2ic.
a. Jane Eyre.By Charlotte Bronte. (Double No. )20e.
4. A Woman Hater.Charles Keale'tnew novel, 20o.
5. The Black Indies Jules Verne's latest. 10c.
6. Last Days of Pompeii, By Bulwer. 0c.
7. Adam Bede. By George Kliot. (Double No.) 2nc.
8. The Arundel Motto. By Mary Cecil Hav. 10r,-
9. Old Myddelton's Money By lilnryCecll'Hp j iOj.
10. The W oman In Whi.e. By WilkleCollIn. 20o.
11. The M III mi the Floss. Bv Geoi qe Eiiot. 20c.
12. The American Senator, By Anthony Trol
lop. ..... 20c.
13. A Princess of Thule. Bv William Black. 20c.
14. The Dead Seoret. By Wilkie Collins. li e.
15. Rnmola, Bv (ieorjre Eliot. (I)Buble No.) 20C.
16. The Enirlish at the North Pole and Field of
Ice. In one hook. By Jules Verne. lOo.
17. Hidden Perils, By Marv Cecil Hav. inc.
18. Barbara's History, By Amelia H. Edwards. Soc
io. A Terrible Temptation. Bv t'has. Iteade. 10c.
20. Old Curiosity shop, B) Cliar es Dickens. 2c.
21 Foul flay. By Charles fieade. . inc.
22. Man and Wife, By Wilkie Collins. 2oe.
23. The Squire's Legacy. By Mary Cecil Hay. 20c.
For sale by all Booksellers anil Newsdealers, or
sent, postage prepaid, on receipt or price, by
GfcORGKMUNKO. PrnusHFR.
P.O. Box 5657. 21.23.and23VaDdewaierBt.,N.Y.
AT T I Great Chance to make money.
I ll I I III I' " can't get Gold you can
XJ liLJ m gel Greenbacks. Wenteda
person In EVERY TOWN to take subscriptions
for the larcest, cheapest and besi Illustrated
family publication in the World. Anv one can
become a successful agent. The most elegant
works of art given free to Hiibscriliers The price
issn low that almost everbodyxubHcrlhes. One
Aitent repoi'tsinakliifr over lino In a week. A
lady agent report taking over 400 subscribers In
txudays. All who enirmie make nionev fust.-
You can devote all your lime to the business, or
only your spare time You need not beaway from
home over night. You cm do It as well others.
Full particulars, directions and term tree. Kle
gant and expensive Out lit free. If you want
protltttble work send u your address at once
I I costs nothing to try the business. Noonewlio
enxaues fails to make great pav. Address "The
People's Journal," Portland, Maine. 31wly
The Dutchman's Application.
Mil. CAUL DEUDENHEIMElt so
fur modified his unfavorable opin
ion of life Insurance as an Investment
under the persuasive arguments of the
Great American EngWi talented can
vasser, that he decided to take a policy
without delay ; and the ngent In his
blandest manner commenced the ques
tions laid down hi the application.
" Name and residence V All right, I
have that."
" Occupation V
"Heyy"
" What Is your business V"
" Mein plshness. Veil, I don't got
some plshness now, since mine bardner
lie vos run tied avay mit der sassldge
sehopper. I vos make bologna sassldge
already by Katerine street."
" Well, I will say you are a provision
dealer."
" Yah, dot Ish all righdt ; ov It got
me some chance mit greenbacks tuonisb,
I don'd cure how It vos."
" Age of father, if living V"
" Veil, let me saw. Ov be vas llefen,
he vlll, I dinks, be eiu hundert, but; he
vos duuible by der schdebel von der
schurch he vlll paindt,more ago os vorty
year, and since den he Ish goue dead."
"Oil! I see. Well, Is your mother
living y"
" Well, I tole you how dot vos. Mein
nioder dot vos ehpank me already ven I
vos leedle sclmp, she vos runned away
mit a cli'gus mans, und den mein fader
he vas marry dem order voman dat vos
cook by der hodel, und den he vos dutu
ble by der schdebel, und dot cook, dot
vos mein moder, she vos got married
some oder vcllar,und I don'd kin dell ov
she vos mein moder some more, or meb
be she Ish gone dead already, how dot
vos I don'd kin dell you about dot metn
self." " Are you married V
"Nein. But I don'd saw some order
gal so poody like Katrina, and I dinks
ve got married ven I got mein monish
by der life insurinks gompany. Katrina
dinks greot deal much by me."
" What amount of insurance do you
wish to apply for'i"'
" Veil, how much I got'r1"
" Oh, any sum you wish."
"Veil, I dinks I vill dook dirdeen
h under dollar. .Dot Ish der monish
Hans Spiegler vill Bold me der saloon by
Glinton straese, und I dinks dot vlll me
und Katrina mek goot pishdess al
ready." Thirteen hundred dollars. Well, what
plan V"
" Vot ish dot you call blan "
"In what way do you wish to in
sure?" " Oh, veil, I don'd vos bardicular
about dot. I dinks I vill dook pard ov
der monish in creenbacks und de resht
pard in shmall monish, und dot vill bo
handy in der saloon."
" Yes, but the money is not paid, you
know, until you are dead V"
" Vot voolishness ish dot 1 Vot goot
dot monish vill dome und I vos dead all
der dime. Eh V"
" But the object of Insurance, as I ex
plained to you, is to provide for the
widow and orphan."
" Vot ish dot you call orphan V"
" An orphan is one who has lost his
father and mother."
" Vel, dot vos me mein self. Don'd I
vos told you already how dot vos mit
fadcrs und mudders "
" Yes, but you insure for the benefit
of your own widow and orphans."
" Veil, but I dontd got some vidder
und orphan mineself. Der vas eiu vid
der by Prooklyn, und she vos keep dem
poarders, und owes me blendy money ov
der sassidge meat I shall sell dot vidder,
she vos dold me she not kin dot bill pay
already, und ov 1 vos like dot arranch
ment ve vill got married, und dot. vill
der bill den eeddle, but I vos dold dot
vidder not ov gourt is mit himself ac
quaint already, und I don'd sold her no
more sassidge meat since dot dime, und
so 1 don'd got some vidder melnself."
" I see, you do not understand the
workings of life insurance."
" Der vorkings I I dinks me dot der
surinks monish vlll gome vldout vork
ings. Not ish dot so?"
" No. I see you fall to get the idea.
Suppose you and Katrina were to get
married as you say, "
"Yah. I dinks ve vill."
" And after a time, you were to
die and leave her a destitute widow
and "
" Nein, she vill den be a Cherman
vidder by dot."
" Well, a German widow. Now,I
suppose you love Katrina V
" Yah."
" Well, an insurance iolicy will en
able you to leave her some money."
" Veil, vot goot dot vill me do meln
self y".
" True, it will not benefit you, but it
will make her happy."
" Vot for I shall make her happy, und
I ish gone dead '( It makes me mad ov
she Hi de happy."
"But "
" Now, see here, mine frent, I dinks
you Ish mek a mistake mit me. Ov you
dinks dot I vos vot der poys call eln creen
horn call, let me dold you I vlll more os
ten dollar bet, ov you kin learn a vellar
dot Ish make Bossldge meat some new
dricks already. Mebbe Id Ish besser you
gone mine shop oudt befoie I shall go to
more mad as I kick you quick oudt.
Mebbe you don'd vas hear dot adferd
how dot suld, ' Nobody kin dem old bird
mit some chaff got by der trap 1' "
And the agent lost his application.
Wllllriflllo'settle.
IMPUDENTLY cool was the Erie
railway guard, whose Interview with
Manager Flsk Is thus related :
" You are a conductor on the Erie, I
believe y"
"Yes, sir."
" How long have you been on the
road y
" Fifteen years."
" Worth some properly, I learn V
"Home."
" Have a very fine house In Oswego V
Cost you some thirty, forty, or fifty
thousand dollars V"
" Yes, sir."
" Some little money Invested In bonds,
I am told y"
" Yes, sir."
" Own a farm near where you re
side y
" Yes, sir."
" Had nothing when you commenced
as conductor on our road V"
" Nothing to speak of."
" Mode the property since V"
" Yes, sir."
" Been at work for no other parties ?"
" No ; but I have been saving money,
and Invested it from time to time to
good advantage."
" Well, sir, what will you give me to
settle y' Of course, you cannot pretend
to say j'ou have acquired this property
from what you have saved from your
salary y You will not deny that you
have pocketed a great deal of money be
longing to the railway at least fifty or
sixty thousand dollars 'r1 Now, sir,
what will you give to settle, and not be
disgraced, as you certainly will be If a
trial Is brought, and you are compelled
to give up the property you profess to
own, but which In reality belongs to
the company V
"Well, Mr. Manager, I had not
thought of the matter. For several
years I have been running my train to
the best of my ability. Never looked
at the matter in this light before. Never
thought 1 was doing anything wrong. I
have done nothing more than other con
ductors ; tried to earn my salary and get
it, and think I've succeeded. I don't
know that I owe the company any
thing. If you think I do why there's
a little difference of opinion, and I don't
want any trouble over it. I have a nice
family, nice father and mother ; rela
tives ot good standing ; they would feel
bad to have me arrested and charged
with dishonesty. It would kill my wife.
She has every confidence In me, and
the Idea that I would take a penny that
did not belong to me would break her
heart. I don't care anything for the
matter myself; but on account of my
family and relatives, If you won't say
anything more about it, I'll give you
say a dollar."
Lost Jewels.
SOME years ago, writes a correspond
ent of Chamber's Edlnburg "Jour
nal," I was admiring the handsome
rings of a relative of mine, when I
noticed upon her little finger an insig
nificant little ring of pale gold set with
a bloodstone.
" Why do you wear that trumpery lit
tle thing y" I asked; and in reply she
told me the. following anecdote :
" The night before my eldest son was
born, I undressed as usual in my big
bed-room up stairs, and put my rings
into a little china plate (which contain
ed some oatmeal used for washing my
hands) on my dressing-table. I had
onf two or three rings at the time, and
among them was the little bloodstone,
which had been given me by a school
friend before my marriage. My boy
James was born the next morning, and
so it came about that for the next fort
night or three weeks I neither wore nor
thought of my rings. However, when
convalescent and dressed for the first
time, I naturally looked for my rings,
and found all there except the blood
stone. Search was made for it through
the whole room, and afterward through
the whole house, but with no success; It
was not to be found. I never thought
for a moment that it had been stolen',for
it Is of little value; and this turquoise
hoop which had lain with it would have
been much more attractive to a thief.
Years passed ; and James was a sturdy
boy of 10, when Boine alterations being
made in the house, the flooring of my
bedroom was removed. Under one of
the planks was found the skeleton of a
mouse with my bloodstone ring round
Its neck. It hail evidently venturned
upon my toilet table In seurch of the
oatmeal, had unwittingly pushed its
head through the ring.and had returned
to Its hole to die, an unintentional thief
Btrangled by its useless prize."
The second Is an out-of-door story. A
young lady, governess In a friend's fam
ily, was one Autumn duy walking with
her pupils in their father's kitchen-garden.
The children pulling at their
governess' hands as she walked between
them, loosened u ring which she wore,
and before they noticed whither it
sprang, the ring was gone from her
finger and was nowhere to be Been. The
garden-beds around, which hod been
newly dug over, were searched, so were
the celery and cabbage growing near;
but no ring was forthcoming. The
governess mourned for the loss of her
ornament, more particularly because It
had been her father's signet-ring; and
every day for some time she and her
pupils searched the kitchen-garden, but
lu vain. A month afterwards she re
turned home for a holiday, taking with
her a basket of garden produce, as a
present to her mother from her pupils'
parents ; when lo 1 almost the first thing
unpacked from the country basket was
a line hearty cabbage with a close green
heart,among whose curled blades lay the
much-lamented and long-sought-for sig
net ring.
Good Reasons.
John Farrago, a Pennsylvania militia
captain, once declined a duel In the fol
lowing words :
Sin : I have two objections to this
duel business. The one Is lest I should
hurt you ; the other is lest you should
hurt me. I do not see what good It
would do me to &hoot you. I could
make no use of you when dead for any
culinary purpose, as I would a rabbit or
a turkey. I could not eat you. Why
then needlessly shoot you down t A
buffalo would make better meat than
you. For, though your flesh may be
delicate and tender, it wants the firm
ness and consistency that takes and re
tains salt. It might make a good barbe
cue, it Is true, being of the ' nature of a
raccoon or opossum ; but I do not like
barbecue meat.
" Beside, It would seem a strange
thing for me to shoot at anything that
stands still to he shot at, as I am ac
customed to shoot at things flying, run
ning or jumping. Were you on a tree,
now, like a squirrel, trying to hide your
self In the brances, and I could spy you
through the Intervening boughs and
leaves, your hinder parts alone being
visible, I think I should enjoy taking a
shot at you but as It Is, there is no skill
or judgement in either discovering you
or bringing you down.
As to myself, I do not like to stand
in the way of anything harmful. I am
afraid you might hit me. I shall conse
quently stay at a distance. If you want
to try your pistols, take some object,
such as a tree or door about my dimen
sions. Jf you hit that, send me word,
and I will publicly acknowledge that If
I had been In the same place, you might
also have hit me."
Scandal Denounced.
In a reporter's wanderings about town
he heard a lady talking across the street
to a neighbor, thus deliver herself on the
subject of Bcandul : " Of all things I do
hate In this world it's a scandalizing
woman. Now, there's Mrs. Jingle-
tongue, that everybody knows isn't
bit better than Bhe'd ought to be, and
whose two daughters cut up so shame
ful that no decent woman ought to speak
to them, and whose husband gets drunk
and they do say he owes for that grena
dine she puts on so many airs in over
her betters. If I was to say any mean
things about people like she does I would
pull my tongue out by the roots, the
nasty, scandalizing stuck up old cat."
A Good Father.
One evening as the wind was ruging
and howliDg with terrific force, shaking
the house, and making timid people
tremble for fear of fire or other accidents
that might befall them, a number of
grown persons were compluinlng of the
wakeful and restless nights they had
endured during the recent winter
storms.
a nttie uoy wno iiau listened un-
alarmed, with a sweet beaming trust in
ma nice, Bam in ma turn,"! sleep so
well and sound because I've got such a
good father. I know ho would not let
any thing happen to me. If the house
should catch fire, he would take me
right up in his arms and run down stairs
with me, and I'd be safe."
This went to my heart, and rebuked
the fears of those who tremble and toss
upon restless pillows, when He who
holds the wind in his fist is their Father
and friend.. The remark of that, dear
hoy has taught me a lesson which I hope
to remember. When I go to his bed
side, after he has been asleep for hours,
and see his ruddy cheeks and clustering
ringlets, and watch his peaceful, inno
cent expression, aiid listen to his gentle
breathing, knowing, as well as I do.that
he is a timid child, often Hying with
fear from trifling causes of alarm, then
I feel how deep pervading must be his
trust In a father's loving heart and
strong arms, to cause such dreamless
slumbers amid howling winds and
storms. Can not the experienced Chris
tian learn it lesson even from a babe's
llpsy Ought we not to rest peacfully
amid causes of alarm, because we "have
got such a j qowl Father f"
Lawyer and Witness.
A story Is told of a very eminent law
yer receiving a severe reprimand from
a witness on the stand whom he was
trying to browbeat. It was an Important
issue, and In order to save his cause
from defeat, It was necessary that Mr.
A should Impeach the witness. He
endeavored to do it on the ground of
age. The following diulogue ensued :
" How old are you y
" Seventy-two years of ago," suld the
witness. '
" Your memory, of course, Is not m
brilliant and vivid as it was twenty
years ago Is It V" asked the lawyer.'
" I do not know but It Is," replied the
witness.
" State some circumstance which Oc
curred, say twelve years ago, and we
shall be able to see how well you can re
member y"
" I appeal to your honor If I om to be
interrogated In this manner; It Is inso
lent y
' You had better answer the question,'
thejudge replied.
" Well, sir, if you compel me to do It,
I will. About twelve years ago you
studied In Judge B 's ofllce,did you
not y
" Yes," answered the lawyer.
" Well, sir, I remember your father
coming into my oflice and saying to me,
' Mr. E , my son is to be examined
to-morrow, and I wish you would lend
me fifteen dollars to buy him a suit of
clothes.' I remember also, sir, that
from duy to this he has never paid me
that sum. That, sir, I remember as
though It was but yesterday."
" That will do, sir," meekly said the
lawyer.
" I presume it will," answered the
witness.
" Pitch In."
Come, young ladles, the time for folly r
foolishness, and fashion is' about gone.
The sooner you " pitch in" and make
yourselves more useful and less orna
mental, the better for you. Everybody's
son don't own a bank, and men aln'l
around " buying" household lets and
wall-flowers for wives. The stock Of
" old fools" is about run out, and Betsy
Janes and Hannah Anns will be in de
mand after a while by sensible men, who
want helpmates and not help eat. Pitch
in, help your mother, learn something
from her before she dies and leaves you
an idle, ignorant do-nothing stumb
ling block In the road of life for others
to run against and full over. Go to work,
it must come. These are terrible times,
and the sooner you realize the awful
facts and condition of things in every
day life the better it will be for you.
Take your old mother's ploce in the
dining-room and the kitchen, and
" give her a rest." Show a disposition to
help her, even if you are in the way. It
will cheer her old heart to know that
you are at least willing to help her, even
If you don't know how. Pitch in and
try at any rate.
- -
Parenthetical Preaching.
An officer of a volunteer corps on duty
in the place, and very proud of his fresh
uniform, had come to Mr. Shirra't
church in Scotland, and walked about
as If looking for a seat, but In fuct to
show his dress, which he saw was at
tracting attention from some of the less
grave members of the congregation. He
came to his place, however, rather quick
ly, on Mr. Shirra quietly remonstrating,
"Oh, man, will ye sit down, and we'll
see your new breeks when the kirk's
dtiue."
This same Mr. Shirra was well-known
from the quaint, and, as It were, paren
thetical comments which he introduced
in his reading of Scripture ; as, for ex
ample, on reading from the 116th Psalm,
" I said in my haste all men are liars,"
he quietly observed, " Indeed, Dauvid,
an' ye had been i' this parish ye might
liae said it at your leisure." .
Which Denomination.
A German farmer in Eastern New
York was one morning drawing his
wheat to market, when he was accosted
by a friend who was Irreligious and who
hoped to confound Uncle Peter. Said
he:
" Uncle Peter, which denomination do
you think is in the right ?"
" Uncle Peter answered : Veil, ven we
tooks our veat to market some fullers
goes von vay uud I goes annunner. But
ven ve all comes to de market blaoe der
merchant don't say, 1 Vich vay you
come'r" but he vant to know If my veat
is good. DuU vot he is after."
Certainly a very pointed answer do
you not think bo, render y"