THE TIMES, NEW BLOOM F1KI71), TA., FKUltUAllY , 1878.
Profcwrional Curds.
TK. JUNKIN, Attorney at Law,
New lllonmllolil. I'errv n.. Ma
-omee Next door to the residence of judge
iFlinmu. , oil
AM. MAllKKt,, Attorneyat-Law,
New 11 oomlteld. Perrv count v. Pa.
l-T Omos directly opposite, the Pont-Olllce,
anu acijoiuing iue Mansion House.
JICWlS 1'OTxicll,
ATTOUNKY AT LAW,
NEW m.OOMFIKI.l), l'KltRY CO., PA.
Claims promptly secured colleflfd'
Writ Ings and all legal business careful!) attend
ed to. At yl
JAMK8 II. FKHOliHON, Attorney at t.itw,
NKWrUHT, PA.
Ar-OWce Market Street, near the Hquare. 366
CHAKI.K8 11. RMII.KY, Attorney at Law.
Now HlrHiinlleld, Perry Co, Pa.
a. (mice with ('. A. Hnruett, Est)., on tilgh
Ktreet, north side, nearly opposite the Presbyle
rlaa Church. . August to, 1h7j.
IITM. A. RPONHLEK. Attorncv-at-l,aw.
Ty Ofllce adjoining his residence, on East
Main street, new Uloomneld, Perry co., Pa. 891 ly
TOHN O. SUATTO, Surgeon Dentist. '
New UltMillilleld. I'errvflo.. Pa.
All kinds of Mechanical and Huurlcat Dentist
done In the best manner, and at reasonable
prices.
.onice at his residence one door East of the
itoimison House, and opposite Win. A.Hponsler'i
Law olllce. 8 illy
1TM. N. HKIBKUT, Attorney-Bt Law,
IT Nw Hloomlleld, Perry eo., Ta.
Bloomfleld, 8 331v.
WM. M. HUTCH,
ATTORN KYAT-t.AVf,
New Hloomlleld, Perry co., Pa.
-Olllce Two doors West of F. Mortimer,
Store 37 ly
LEWIS POTTEH. notary rt'liMC. New Illoom
field. Perry Co., Pa.
Deeds, Honda, Mortgage and Lenses carefully
prepared and acknowledgement taken. All
kinds At Pension and llountv papers drawn and
certllled, will also take depositions to bo rei.d In
any court In the United States. 7 10 ly
CIIAB.J. T, McINTIKE, Attnrne y-nt-,aw, i
New Hloomlleld, Perry co, Pa. ,
All professional business prompt lyandtulth'
fully attended to. 32 ly.
WM. A. MOItltlMON,
Jt'RTICK OK Til IC PEACE and (1ENEKAL
COI.I.ECTOK, Nbw (iRKMANTOWN, Perryco., Pa.
-Kemlttanceswlllbe made promptly for all
Collections made. 744
CHA8. A. BARNETT, Attorney-Bt Law,
New llloointleld. Perry co., Pa
-Ortlce on high street, North side, nearly op
posute the Presbyterian Church. 3 2 ly
R
ICHARD L. MAGEE,
j i. h i j VVj uf tii rc .'kai:k,
-OMee at his residence. In CKNTH E TOWN
RHIP. Perry County, Penu'a., one mlleHouthot
New Bloomlleld. IDS
yy-i i7iam1vi.8Vtci " '7
Justice of the IVnoe, .
AND GENERAL COLLECTOR,
New Bloomfleld, Perry County, Penn'a
r-Speclalattentlonpald to Collection of all
kinds. Deeds, Konds.Mortgages and Agreements
neatly executed. 716tf
QEORGE H. MARTIN
GENERAL AGENT.
BLAIN, PKHltY COUNTY, 1A.
Special attention given to the collection of
claims, and any other business entrusted to him
will receive prompt attention. Charges moderate.
April, 19lli, 1877.
jEATHER &C.
THE subscriber has now on hand at
LOW 1MMCKS,
flood Sole Leather,
Kip of Superior Quality,
Country Calfskins,
French Calf,
LININGS? ROANS, &c.
IP, Mortimer,
NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA,
A CARD. To all who are suffering from the
errors and Indiscretions of youth, nervous
weakness, early decay, loss of manhood, &c, I
will send a recipe that will cure you, FREE OF
CHARGE. This great remedy was discovered by
a missionary In South America. Send a self-addressed
envelop to the Rev. Joseph T. Inman,
Station D, BMt House, yea York Ctty. 16b ly
CHRONIC Cured. New path
V.V w marked om by that plainest of
.all books " Plain Home Talk and Medical Com
mon Sense.-iiearly Klihl pages, 2(K) Illustrations.
Dr. E. B. KOOTK, of 12() texVngton Ave., N. Y.
'.Purchasers of this book are at liberty to consult
its author in person or by mall free. Price by
rmall 13.25 for the Standard edition, or $1.60 for the
Popular edition, which contains all the same
matter and illustrations. Contents tables free.
Agents wanted. MURRAY WILL PUBLI81UNO
CO., 129 East 28th 8U, N. Y. 41 13L
V A TVW TV0 cure a case of Catarrh
A JlilJln each neighborhood,
with Dr. Karnser'H Remedy, to Introduce It.
Sampl free.J. O. Tlltou, Pittsburgh. Pa. 47w3m
5000 Agents Wanted
To subscribe for the Agents' Journal. A hand
somely bound 21 page Journal, brim full of Inter
est to Agents. Every Agent should See it.
ASSIGNEE'S NOTICE."
Notice Is hereby given that Jacob Kistlne, and
Susanna his wife, of Whea' Held twp.. Perry co..
Pa., have assigned their property to the under
signed, residing In the same township, for the
benefit of creditors.
All persons therefore Indebted to fald Jacob
Ristlneand wite.are requested to make payment,
and those having claims will present them dulv
authenticated to the undersigned for settlement
without delay.
SOLOMON DIG HAM.
November 13. 1877. Assignee.
Lewis Pottkb, Attorney.
DOLLAR. ASD-A.il ALF FOB TEN CE3TS.
Stoddart's Musical Library. Just publishing H
panes, lull size, best and most popular music for
in cents. New and popular songs, dance and In
strumental Music, operas, hymns, etc.. etc For
sale by all newsdealers. Postage 2 cents, to tie
sent In addition to above, if ordered from the
publishers.
J. M. STOOD ART & CO.,
48 3t . 7oa Chestuut Bt., Philadelphia.
PRINTING of every description neatly ex
ecuted at the Bloomfleld Times Office
reasonable ratei.
Newport Advertisement.
JONES' BROS, & CO.,
(Formerly John Jones ft Hon,)
Grain & Produce
MERCHANTS,
Brick Warehouse, Front St., above Market,
Newport, Perry County, Pa,
WK would respectfully Invite the patronage of
inn farmers, ami inn punno generally, as
the 1 1 in II I HT PKICKH the market will afford,
win ire paiu lor an kiiius oi
GRAIN',
r'LOl'H,
PRODUCE,
HEEDS AND
IIAILHOAI) TIES
We have constantly on hand,
FISH,
SALT,
rL AST Kit,
CEMENT '
COAL,
' I HON,
; ' ' STEEL, t
JIOltHK SHOES, &e.,&c.
FOB SALE AT THE LOWEST KATES.
V Orders promptly tilled,
Newport, July 20, 1R75 tf
jjWPORT DrTgSTORE.
Having on hand a ooimilete assortment of the fol-
lowing arltclaa, the sulMnriber asks a slisre of your
patroniMre.
, i i
Ihttff and Medicine,
CHEMICALS OF ALL KINDS,
Also a full stock or
Concentrated Bomodies,
ESSENTIAL OILS.
Hruslies, rcrfuiiierj
itAiit ir.,
AND
FAXCr ARTICLES.
Also always on Hand,
PURE WINES & LIQUOR
FOB
MEDICINAL and SACBAMENTAL
PUKPOSES
PHYSICIANS ORDERS
Careidly and Promptly Filleil
D . M . EBY,
Newport, Penn'a.
J B. HARTZELL,
Wholesale Tobacco Dealer,
IVKWPOItT, IA.
Solo Agent for Lorllard's Superior Tobaccos.
M Country Merchants supplied with Goods
at Philadelphia iirlces.
- Your orders are solicited. 9 44
lt.Sr COOK &" CO., ' "
1 Agree to sell all kinds of
LUMBER AND SHINGLES,
for LESS MONEY than any other dealers In this
county. We will also take good Timber on the
stump or delivered at oar Mill In exchange for
Lumber, &c, We use Clearheld Pine and Hem
lock only.
W. It. a COOK ft CO.,
Newport, Perry Co., Pa.
October 10, 1376.
American and Foreign Patents.
GILMORE CO.. Successors to CHIPMAN,
HOSMElt ft CO., Solicitors. Patents pro
cured In all countries. NO FEES IN ADVANCE.
No charge unless the patent In granted. No fees
for making preliminary examinations. No addi
tional fees for obtaining and conducting a re
hearing. Hy a recent decision of the Commis
sioner. ALL relucted annllcatlnns mav hnrevlvxl
Special attention given to Interference Cases be
fore the Patent olllce, Extensions before Con
gress. Infringement Sultsln dllterent States, and
all litigation appertaining to Inventions or Pat
ents. Send Stump to tiilmore ft Co., for pamph
let of sixty pages.
LAND CASUS, LAND WARRANTS ft SCRIP.
Contested Land Cases Drusecuted before the IT.
8. General Land Olllce and Department of the
imermr. rrivaie L,ana claims, nnpiimt and
PUB EMPTION Claims, and HOMESTEAD cases
attended to. Land Scrip In 40, go, any liiO acre
pieces for sale. This Scrip Is assignable, and can
be located In the name of the purchaser upon any
Government land subject to private entry, at
11.25 per acre. It Is of equal value with Bounty
Land Warrants. Send Stamp to Gilmore ft Co.,
for pamphlet of Inst Miction.
OFFICEKS. SOLDIERS and SAII.OHS of the
late war. or their heirs, are in many casesentitled
to money from the Government of which they
have no knowledge. Write full history of service,
and state amount of pay and bounty received.
Enclose stamp to GILMORK ft CO., aud a lull re
ply, alter examination, will be given you free. -PKNSKlSs.
All OFFICEKS. SOLDIERS, and SAILORS.
wounded, ruptured, or Injured lu the late war,
however sHirlit. can obtain a Densonbv addressinu
GILMORE ft CO.
Cases uroMtcuted bv GILMORE ft CO. before
the Supreme Court of the Cm led States, the Court
of Claims and the Southern Claims Commission.
i.aeh department of our business Is conducted
In aseparate bureau, un Jer charge of the same
experienced parties, enibloyed by the old firm.
Prompt attention to all business entrusted to
GILMOKK ft CO., Is thus secured. We desire to
win success Dy deserving It.
Address: , GILMORE &CO.,
620 F. Street,
Washington, D. C. '
IMPORTANT NOTICK. The subscriber
late of the tlnn of Rhoades ft Smith, would
respectfully inform the citizens of BLAIN
and vicinitv, that he has opened a WAGON
MAKER-SHOP, and is prepared te make new
wagons and repair old ones at short notice, and
at from TEN to TWENTY percent, cheaper than
the old n i in.
-Glve meacall. Satisfaction guaranteed.
, JACOB SMITH.
Blalu, August 8, 1867. '
THE WEED
PRICES REDUCED
"The Family Favorite"
im ritovioi)
LtirJit-KunniiiK, Noiseless,
No (JcnrSjNo Ciuns,No Springs.
New and Kle?nnt Stvlesof Wood
Work.
From tins date, by the expiration
ot l'utents under winch we
have been paying roy
alties, we are enabled
to sell our ma
c h i .n e s at
GREATLY REDUCED PRICES,
and as low as those of any first-
class machine.
UJ Send for Circulars and
Price Lists.
Weed Sewing Machine Co.,
20 Union Square,
XEW YOllK.
a 7 let.
BOOTS
IJo you want HOOTS of any kind t
If so, call and see the
JL.A.HO! 1 HTOCK
how oFFinaD nr
F . M O It T t M E It .
Dr.A.G.OLIN'S
W,U Hrapllal,
"ill luut WmIiI,,,.
tlrtn M. C'likfurn,,
... , , m B r, tml. naiiins muumr imm .ivlv abyM'S
ot lnf,-..lonol.libs.,. m.mn Bl,i,r;,u,h,cli,
Knlwlons, I.... of Mfr.. Ipalr,-l hlht,
Mnlt(Md or lW,otnrj. Nrrvoua llt-blllir, iwnnft
J.nllycuijd, dluuaor ihi I liUddrl, KlU,t. I.lv.r, ,
.ASjr FKMAI.KK.jlUM l kUlrUn.nl. Or.OHs
hM IimI ft llb-lonir itwrlan.v, and rurM whtra oOien fnll. lie
M (TMliiftU of Hi lUforiiMNl S,-h,l mm. no nicn urv. hM Ilia
l-li l Ibi U.S. I.AItlERnoulHna IrMinwnt llh
Private hoinr and board, rail , rlu. Kvrrv coiiTrniauca fnr
P. tai flfl nntM tnr aamiila of nubbar (Juod. and rlr-
cnlar of Important Informatlna hy,srn. 1II. OMia'a
rnnala Plllr, S5 per Boa. l on.nU.Uon fr.a.
MARRIAGE GUIDE
your aittl ml.J.JU ivl of bnlti Kein, ot. rllrtu of ptlrttw
ntiir. Vkluahl. .wlvW lo tht mwrftftl nnl tho roihini..llt.
triMTlan. Hnw to be imlthy rtntl Utily biiNiy In th iRMrirtl nm
Hon. fcry boci bouiil jni ihk book, ra Hi stnl. to uu Ma
A PHYSIOLOGICAL
View of Slarriafre !
in. viiiub nnaiuci una
'utititiintit Ir.nilH on the
Mitlic t mtrriK Alitl ihm
i tlitt unfit h.r It i the tw
frvi of Hitproduetton nd
iilie DIeaoa or Women.
A nook lor prlvnli-, ronnd
!o ate nsUiug. SWJ (wgea, prio
tOl!.
On .lift ,'IVilt hitOICAL ADVISER!
Ah "'"onlra ol a Private lSuture an.n-jj IriimBalf
--. .uwnr., ..r nwrcfc jyiaeaaoa, ,nu ,im ual
lurauiol ,-ura, VM larjrn paifM. prhr Ml t ..
A ClilNIfJAIr IjFCTtlHK mi thr ahow diinu-a and
Opium Habit, fcr.,rrlcr III ri.
Kithar book pant postpaid on rfratpk of nrlca i or all thrw.
fnntalnin.)lMia?n, l-autlnillj lllmtratm. lor II. Ma.
Addraaa DO. iiUTl'S, la M. Mb aK. St. Louta, Mo-
I nVFRtino)K OF KNOWI.EIMiE, or He-
-w....cmH , jy,,, courtship and
MHrrlstre ShowlllB how to net marrlxrl live I,,,.,.
plly obtain health, wealth and distinction, and
apiear to advanUKB In society '.!MI pages 3(10,(1(10
sold. Mailed for lOcts.. In I'osIbkb Htsinns or cur
rency. Address. TUK UNION l'llBLISIIINa
COMPANY. Newark. K.J. 44wU
E.
AVAItltlNO'S
(1876 Uniform CopyrlRhted 1877)
ij-Aw blanks;
The LatciM and Beit. A (Ireat Improvement a
nniiv bujujiiciu tto luriimu iow aua wuaiever
you neeU.
Law aud Commercial Supplies of all Kinds.
-Send for samples and price lists of what
you want.
" Cataljrno of Blanki furnished at THIS
OFFICE, oi direct from the publisher.
a. wAidiNU, lyroue, ra.
1ADIK8 addicted to the habit of Intern
i perance are Invited to nuek Information at a
niitiic iiviiuj. nuriio UlCillUttl ILI IlillUltllCU HMUHI1
comforts are provided. For information addres
Miw. W. H. MCHObbON, Box 2,712. J'iiiladttlpla.
KaUAtlll.U.1 1'J 1U77
IT CTTLL WATOT I TV. M. r4.
WBA.' aT"rUli. PorUTi" aadl :
t tm tlim MILLION. latak.
M & A 7 " U Jttmfn A LL." TtiW..fcil..
" - -. rtXlit.'lWl, 1-MM.WH. U4, f.a.
A JT ' " JftiBbta ral. Bu.-r-y PtM. ... t
ftMrjUaaJf"1"!,!!. 'EOOIlr (X K N K It, avanSwharfW.
W iTjtaiHiB". IH m4 V'4 M tail,, holi. tmi .
gi'wt iliIlAioilVT M,m' t! ta4 ?
ml tat. ihi. Halt. Pmw. TUT tTOMfJI .
WW AND HOW. O.I. Tl'tM.. I', i iik rtwmm ml 61
Itawu llantw, iM ItaUn. .ML IU , 4 l' Tilai TK 1
r ir II -mi. D.u rP.lt. I..'k taai KIND ;
HUH. tmmm "UTAM tHHULMb ftAJtlttH," Bimttrntm. M. U. .
S3
BOID PIATED WATCH KM. Chmnaat
in thtt kDown world. BainpU Watch Vm to
Afattt. Addrata, A. Coui-laa A C, CUicago,
Hew Mel Machine
Jlolols.
JHE PERRY HOUSE,
New Hloomlleld, Terry Co., Pa.,
THOS. BUTCH, I'roprlntor.
JHE MANSION HOUSE,
New l.loomflcM, I'enn'H.,
I). M. ItlNKHMITII, . . rroprislor.
This well-known hotel has Ut.tv ht,.ni.....
re palnlBd and te.lllted. best accoiiiinodairiins
artiirded. mf Careful linstlers always In attend
mat I
gT. ELMO HOTEL,
'J (KOHMRRLY "TUB UNION,")
JOS. M. 1'EUER, rroprlctor.
817 819 AHCn BTREET,
riULADELl'IIIA.
Terms,
$a.DOPerDay.
t ItlH IfflTltl. Ih.Imo xontaollu J
1 - .... . ... . . , j i, i. nnu II HT
Iiir heeti entirely KKPirtED, It will he found
,.,.:n.nM, .. mwituiH nauo un can ue aesirea
AUCTIONEERS.
J AS. P. L ATCH FOR D,
A UCTIONflJJJC,
Would respentfully inform the puhlle that he
will cry sains at reiisoimhie prices. All orders
win iniiiivn iHUMini, HI icill Mill.
lONNAI,LV'M MILLS I'EKBY CO., PA.
TAMES CLEELAND
U Auctioneer,
Offers his services to the citizens of Perry and
uuniuQiiniiu vuuiiur.. I (11 Olllce aiiiiresH,
Bherniaiisdale, Perry oo,, Pa.
D.HENRY,
Blaln. Perrv count Pa.
Term Moderate and every eicrtlon made
Auctioneer. The undornlRnerl give
notlcelliat he wlllory sales at any point In 7'erry
or Dauphin counties. Orders are solicited aud
piuiiiputiteiiiioii wuioe Kiven.
11. U. WKLI.8,
New Kuffalo
Perry co., Pa.
Q BJIARNISH, :
.A.uorriorvi5ioij,
nclvllle, Perry Co., Pa. Charges moderate, and
satisfaction guaranteed. 6 tf
H
OME MANUFACTURE.
LOOK OUT I
"would respectively Inform myfrlendsthatlln
. tend calling upon thein with a supply of good
of my
OWN MANUFACTURE.
Conslstlnfiof
CABBIMERS.
OA88INKT8.
FLANNELS, (Plalnandbar'd)
OAHPKTH, aSto.,
toexcliangefor woo or scllfor cash.
J. M.niXLEK.
CbntbbWoolen Factokt. 6,17,4m
Kor Rale hv F. Moutimeh. New lllnnmlleM
Perry county, Pa.
S2E00
A Y f' A It. Afrents wanted. Bust
new Icfrlttmnte. Particulars free.
aaaraaaJ WOTB0O..aiLaH,Ma.
$45
PKKNIITM WATril i'n r ilifK-a
"Uiin wiiiiltr.Krr),. wllhevery order. Out
Ut free. J. u. Oajlurd Co., Clilcano, 111.
ILLUSTRATED JIOSTHLY MAGAZINE.
TTnrih Niimhar .mil.li,. Tl.l .n.,i..n 1 n .... . .
. ' - " " wi un iiiiiij inu ia.cn n
reading, inuuy fine Wood Cut Illustrations, and
one Colored Plate. A beautiful (iarden Maga-
iiiio, imuu-u mi cicuain puper, anu lull ot intor-
llll.tifm In ITltullhl, ami Jupmnn l.lnn .1 UK
year. Plve copies .((.
Vlck'a flower and VegetaMe harden, fO cents
in paper covers; In elcxant cloth covers II. On.
luiuiuKiu!.--.nai iniiHiraiions, niy a cts.
Address, JAMKH VIC'K, Kochester, N. Y.
ILLUSTRATED PRICED CATALOGUE.
Heventy five pages 300 Illustrations, with T).
scrlptlons of thounanls of the best Flowers and
Vegetables In the world, and the way to grow
them all for a two cent postage stamp. Printed
in Knglish and German.
Vick's Flower and Vegetable Garden, 60 cents
In paper covers; In elegant cloth covers. II. 00.
Vick's Illustrated Monthly Magazine 32 pages,
fine Illustrations, and colored plate In ever num
ber, Price, ll.ii a year. Five copies for .
Auuress, Ama viuj, jtocnester, n. y.
VICK'S
FLOWER AND VEUETAULE GARDEN
Is the most beautiful work ot the kind In the
world. It contains about ISO pages, hundreds of
mm liuiMraiions, ana six l liromo nates of
Flowers, beautifully drawn and col., red frrim na
ture. Price fit) cents In paper covers: lloo in ele
gant cloth. I'rluted in Gern.an and English.
Vick's Illustrated Monthly Magazine At pages,
Hue Illvstrallons,aiid Colored Plate In every num
ber. Price of l. ii. Five copies for n.
v ick i uaiaiogue .too iiiuitrailons, only z cts.
Address, JAMES VlUK, Kochester, N. Y.
YICK'S
IX0WER AND VEGETABLE SEEDS
are planted by a million people In America. Bee
Vicka Catalogue SK) lllusti-ations. only 2 cts.
v ick a aiiimLi-aieu Aioiiiiuy magazine;! pages
tine Illustrations, and Colored Plate In each uuui
ber. Price II 2oa year. Five copies for S.
Vick's Flower and Vegetable Garden, 50 rents.
In paper covers; with elegant cloth covers II.
All inv uublicatlous are urinted in KniriUli ami
German.
Address, JAMES VfCK, Rocliester.N. Y.
1 ffcyMr l's Wfrrfill'rHiaffrllrBrdnwSiifrtvV
ILS "iim'sfni l.m ii iumjcTo. 0ilv
StrlKISI'lll TK.I UU. n rort frl on.nnip.VrSl
laaalt !in, rom-iia, Brrhili, all rumialua r HI
11V illw, Ak)oorilrniellfor0iwuo'lr""7
1 1 tr Una not ot It, I mil, os rttelpt JPtil
af4ien(l.ltl If t.C, L
He Had Been Boy.
HIh only now and thru that tlie
public gets Bight of a limn vrho wan
once a boy. One of this aort waa met
at the Cetitral Depot the other tiny.
Feeling tired, anil jet dcBlrlng to aee all
that waa to he aeen, lie made arrange
ments to alt down on a bench outxlde.
I'aHHltifi his hand over It aeveral times
heaald to himself:
" No tucka or plna put In here to raiwe
a fellow up, and no pitch to hold a
fuller down."
He looked It over very carefully, and
continued :
" No frefdi pulnt on here to aplle
clothea, and no add to spile the hide."
He made a laat examination, and felt
latlrillud to nay :
" No plane altove here to pour water
down my hack no bricks lo fall on my
head no RogarduH kicker under It no
bumblca-beea around now, and 1 think I
can safely got down and take comfort."
HIT A gentleman took his little boy to
a model farm to see the wonders of the
place. After they had been there a short
time, the little fellow ran crying to his
father, being at the name time pursued
by a big turkey cock, which was trying
to get a piece of bread out of his hand.
" What, my boy," said the father, "are
you afraid of turkey t Why, you ate
part of one yesterday I" "Yes, papa,"
responded the little fellow, wiping his
eyes, " but this one Isn't cooked,"
aa- ...
CirOne thousand shingles, says a
newspaper paragraph, will cover one
hundred souare feet of surface. One
shingle, by the way, will cover six
square inches or the Imu boy, and If.
properly applied, will be productive of
as much benefit aud more noise than
the ogehundred shingles on one hundred
square feet of surface. Figures won't
lie.
fy " Does this razor go easy V" asked
a barber of a victim who was writhing
under a clumsy Instrument, whose chief
recommendation was a strong handle.
" Well," replied the poor fellow, " that
dejiends ujKin what you call the opera
tion. If you are skinning me, it goes
tolerably easy, but If you're shaving, It
goes rather hard."
Na, na, I'll hire na mair Irish.
men," said a Lothian farmer, to an
Hibernian applicant for work. The
last twa that I bad died on my hand,
an' I had to bury them at my ain ex
pense." " Och, sur I there no fears o'
me ; shure I can get a certlflklt from the
whoule of me masters that I didn't die
wld none o' thlin."
BJI ay . .
fi- " I wish I were you about two
hours," said a young wife with great
tenderness. "And why, my deary"
asked the husband with great Interest.
" Because," she said, toying affectionate
ly with his watch chain, " because then
I would buy my wife a new setof furs."
--B---
" Is your master at homey" In-
quired a gentleman of the servant of
the house at which he was calling. " No,
sir," replied the man. "When will he
be back y" asked the visitor. "Can't
say, sir," said the man ; " when he sends
me down to say he's out, I can never be
sure."
tAn Irishman hearing of the death
of a friend and wishing to attend the
wake, but not knowing exactly where
he had resided last, went to the house
which he thought was the right one,
and inquired ; " Is this where the man
lives that's dead y"
eiT Irish repartee is proverbial. Last
week a professional man addressed an
artisan, who was waiting in his ball,
rather brusquely : " Halloo, you fellow,
do you want me'i"' The answer was
neat, "No, your honor, I am waiting
for a gentleman !"
It is when a man is carrying a
pound of honey on one arm, and a bag
of eggs on the other, and leading a bull
dog by a string, and attempts to brush a
fly oft' his ear, that he fls no man can
be an expert in all things.
tgy Observing a man of most pompous
air strutting down the Strand, Hook
stopped him with " I beg your pardon,
sir, but may I ask if you are any one in
particular?" Then, without waiting
for a reply, he walked off, leaving the
stranger trausflxed with amazement.
O" Old gent ( to boy who is smoking
the end of a cigar he has just picked up):
"Ugh, for shame, throw that nasty
thing away." " Boy ; " What ! for you
to pick up and smoke, eh! I knows
yer!"