THE TIMES, NEW BLOOM FIELD, l'A'., DECEMBEll 11, 1877.
7
Vrorcssloiml Curds.
JR. JUNK1N, Attorney t Law,
New lilooinlleld, Perry co., Pa.
Onice Next door to the resilience ofJudKe
Junkln. - 4511
AM. M AUK KIj. Attoniey.Rt-I.nw,
New Hloonitleid, I'erry county, Pa.
I-" Omee directly opposite tlie Post-OUlce,
and adjoining the Mansion House.
ATTOltS EV AT LAW,
NEW HLOOMKIELD, PEltllY CO.,rA.
aT"Olnlms promptly secured collected
Writings and aft IckuI business carefully attend
ed to. d2 yl
JAMES II. FEUOtSON, Attoiney at Law,
NKVVroitT, rA.
WOfflce M nrket Street, near the Square. 85 d
CIIAKLES II. BMII.KY, Attorney at Law.
New llUioin Meld, Perry Co. Pa.
MMtlcewllh C. A. Harnett, Kst., on Illfth
Street, north side, nearly opposite the Presbyte
linn Church. . Allans! 20, 1872.
rM. A.SPONSI.Klt, Attorney-at -Law,
mill. n.li.,tttlttn 1,1a ar.l.....a .... Vnal
Main street, New lilooinlleld, I'erry Co., Pa. 32 ly
JOUN U.8HATT0, Surgeon Dentist.
New llloomtleld, l'erryoo., Pa.
All kinds of Mechanical and Suiileal Dentistry
done In the best manner, and at reasonable
prices.
tluorflee at his residence one door F.astofthe
Robinson House, and opposite Win. A. Sponsler'f
Law olllce. 3 lily
M. N. HlilBKHT Attorney-at Law,
Nit'W lllitimi I'm i'vpn l'A.
itioomueiu, 3 3.1 iv.
WM. M. HUTCH,
ATIOUNKV-AT LAW,
New lilooinlleld, I'erry eo., Pa.
J-Olllee Two doors West of F. Mortimer,
Store 3 7 ly
LltWTS POTTKK. notaht I'lim.io. New liloom.
Held, I'erry Co., l'a.
Deeds, Bunds, Mtirtpitres end Lenses carefully
prepared nnil acknowledKeineiita taken. All
kinds of Pension nnd lion lily papers thawn and
certllled, will nlsu take deposllloiiH to be rei.d In
1111 V court in the United Mates. 7 10 ly
CHAS. J. T, McINTIHR, Attorney-at-Law,
New Hloonilleld, I'erry co., Pa.
a-All professional business proiiiptlyandfalth
fully attended to. 3 2 lv.
WM. A. 1MOIMMSON,
JUSTIOKOK Til E l'H ACK and (1 EN ERA L
(Jdl.LECTOH, NewCkumantow n, I'errvco.. l'a.
-lteinittunceswlll be made promptly lor all
Collections made. 7 44
CHAS. A. 11AKNETT, Attoi ney-nt Law,
New lilooinlleld .Perry co., l'a
-Office on hluh street. North side, nearly op
posile the Presbyterian Cliurch. 8 21y
RICHARD L. MAG EE,
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE,
-Olllce at his residence. In CENT1I E TOWN
SHIP, Perry County, l'enn'a., one mile Soul li of
New lilooinlleld. Ill 3
I I.L1AM M. 8UTC1I,
Justice of the lenro,
AND GENF.KAI. COLLECTOR,
New Bloomfleld, Perry County, Penn'a
-Special attention paid to Collections of all
kinds. Deeds, Hoiids.Mortgancsand Agreements
neatly executed. 7 lut f
PEORGE H
MARTIN
GENERAL AGENT.
BLAIN, 1UCKHY COUNTY, PA.
Special attention plven to the collection of
claims, and any other buslne-.n entrusted lo him
will receive prompt attention. Charges moderate.
April, l'Jtli, 1877.
jEATHER C.
THE subscriber has now on hand at
LOW PltlCKS,
Good Sole Leather,
Kip of Superior Quality,
Country Calf Skins,
French Calf,
LININGS, HOANS, &c.
F. Mortimer,
NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA.
ACAltD. To all who are suffering from the
errors and indiscretions of youth, nervous
weakness, early decay, loss of manhood, &c., I
will send a recipe that will cure you, FREE OF
CHARG E. This great remedy was discovered by
a missionary In South America. Send a self-addressed
envelope to the Rev. Joseph T. Inman,
Station D, Bible House, New York City. 16b ly
CHRONIC
DlimxtteH Cured, New paths
marked nut. by that nlainest of
an dooks nam Home iaiK and meuicai com
mon Sense." nearly luou pages. 200 Illustrations.
Dr. E. 11. FOOTE, of 120 Lexington Ave., N. V.
Purchasers of this book are at liberty to consult
its author In person or by mall tree. Price by
mail &'t.2oforthe standard edition, or t. 50 for the
Popular edition, which contains all the same
matter and Illustrations. Contents tables free.
Agents wanted. MUliKAY HILL PUHL1S1UNG
CO., 129 East 28th St., N. Y. 41-f.lt.
ppp ATPQT I" order to clear out our stock
Ulltn I LO I 0 very superior Gold-plaited
Jewelrv valued at over tiOO.Odo. we will send as
below, '20 Pieces, all warranted Gold -plaited, for
Vi. 00. lpairuoia iMuue rnceve iiuiious, 1 pair
Engraved Sleeve Potions, 1 set Pointed Studs, 1
set Amethyst St uds,l Wedding King, 1 Engraved
Hand Khmer Kinir. 1 Amcthvst Stone Rim? Inlaid
T? JDriA TMW!" .1. Elegant
1 1 MA J- . 11 King maiKea Kileim
shin." 1 Ameuivst stone Scarf Mil Inlaid with
Gold, 1 Silvered Hat Pin. 1 set Ladies' Jet and
Gold Flu and Drops, 1 Misses' set Jet and Gold.
1 Collar Stud, 1 set Handsome Rosebud Ear
Tlr.tiw 1 Cents' Klecant Lake Ceorue Diamond
StuJ, 1 Cardinal Red Head Necklace, I pair
Li' 7"Ij' l Ladies' Amethyst Stone Ear Drops
Hi V lli IV Inlaid with Gold.l Ladies' Orna
mental Jet Brooch, 1 Fancy Scarf Ring and ele
gaut Watch Chain. Take your choice, the entire
lot or 20 pieces, seni postpaid lor i.uu, or any 5
Pieces von choose for SO cents. Now is the time
to make money. These can be easily retailed
atfio. Cl.VH PREMIUM. To any one ordering
12 Lots at 81.011 each. we will nroeiit tree, an open
mi1!.1 L I) I? I Eace Coin Silver Watch
i P K K. li I I. as Preniluiii.
V. STOCKMAN, 27 Bond Street New Yolk. 47w
T A XTraHTT'TVo cure a ease of Catarrh
ii.i XXllLin each nelgliDornnoa,
with Dr. Karnser's Remedy, to introduce It
Sample free. J. C. Tiltou, Pittsburgh. Pa. 47w3m
3000 Agents Wanted
To subscribe for the Agents' Journal. A hand
I.. tw....,-l - 1 V. , 1.-1 ...11 ..I t
HOllimy iwuuu 6 paHD tioui IIU1, Ulllll lull ui uifcc-c
est to Agents. Every Agent should see it.
Send Postal Card for speciineu copy. Address,
lOVKTS' .lllllkNil. Kai V.,rV HAKlIll
Newport Advertisements.
ONES' BROS, & CO.,
(Formerly John Jones & Son,)
Grain & Produce
MERCHANTS,
Brlok Warehouse, Front St., above Market,
Newport, Perry County, Pa.
WE would respectfully Invite the patronngeof
the farmers, and the public generally, as
the HIGHEST PRICKS the market will allord,
will be paid fur all kinds or
GRAIN,
FLOUR,
PRODUCE.
SEEDS AND
RAILROAD TIES
We have constantly on hand,
FISH,
SALT,
PLASTER,
CEMENT
COAL,
IRON,
STEEL,
HORSE SHOES, &e., Sic.
FOR SALE AT THE LOWEST RATES.
H. Orders promptly filled,
Newport, July 20, 1876 tf
JJEWPORT DRUG STORE.
ITavliiK on lmiid a conipU't annnrhtipnt of the fol
lowing articles, the Bubneribpr asks a Hhnreof your
imtronuru.
J)ntfH and Medicines,
CHEMICALS OF ALL KINDS.
Also a full Btoi-k of
Concentrated Lomedies,
ISSENTIAL OILS.
IJrusbes, reiTuinery
ll Alii oiii,
AND
FAXCl' ARTICLES.
Also always on Hand,
PURE WINES & LIQUOR
FOR
MEDICINAL and SACRAMENTAL
PURPOSES
-
PIIYSICIAXS ORDERS
CarefiiUy and Promptly Filled
B . M . EBY,
N e wport, Penn'a.
J B. HARTZELL,
Wholesale Tobacco Dealer,
XKWPOIIT, PA.
Sole Agent for Lorllard's Superior Tobaccos.
9-Country Merchants supplied with Goods
at Philadelphia prices.
Your orders are solicited. 9 44
it. s. cook & co.,
Agree to sell all kinds of
LUMBER AND SHINGLES,
for LESS MONEY than any other dealers In this
county. We will also take good Timber on the
stump or delivered at our Mill in exchange for
Lumber, &c, We use Clearlleld Pine and Hem
lock only.
Vf. R. 8. COOK & CO.,
Newport, Terry Co., Pa.
October 10. 187(1.
American nnd Foreign Patents.
GILMORE & CO.. Successors to CHIPMAN,
UOSMEK & CO., Solicitors. Patents pro.
cured inall countries. NO FEES IN ADVANCE.
No charge unless the patent Iw granted. No fees
for making preliminary examinations. No addi
tional fees for obtaining and conducting a ro
hearlng. By a recent decision of the Commis
sioner, ALL rejected applications may be revived.
Special attention given to Interference Cases be
fore the Patent oltlce. Extensions before Con
gress. Infringement Siillsin dillerent States, and
all litigation appertaining to Inventions or Pat
ents. Send Stump to Gilmure Si Co., for pamph
let of sixty pages.
LAND CASUS, LAND WARRANTS & SCRIP.
Contested Land Cases prosecuted before the U.
S. General Land Olllce and Department of the
luterlnr. Private Land Claims, MINING and
PRE EMPTION Claims, and HOMESTEAD cases
attended to. Land Scrip in 40, Ho, any 100 acre
nieces for sale. This Scrip Is assignable, and can
be located In the name of the purchaser upon any
Government land subject to private entry, at
Sl.2o per acre. It Is of equal value with Bounty
Land Warrants. Send Stamp to Gllinore & Co.,
for pamphlet of Instruction.
ARREARS OF PAY AND BOUNTY.
OFFICERS, SOLDIERS and SAILORS of the
late war, or their heirs, are In many cases entitled
to money from the Government of which they
have no knowledge. Write full history of service,
and state amount of pay and bounty received.
Enclose stamp to GILMURE & CO., and a full re
ply, after exaiuinat Inn, will be givcu you free.
PENSION a.
All OFFICERS. SOLDIERS, and SAILORS,
wounded, ruptured, or Injured In the late war,
however slight, can obtain apeusouby addressing
G1LMDRK&CO.
Cases prosecuted by GILMORE & CO , before
the Supreme Court of the United Slates, the Court
of Claims and the Southern Claims Commission.
Each department of our business Is conducted
In aseparale bureau, under charge of the same
experienced parties, einbloved by t lie old tlrni.
Prompt attention to all business entrusted to
GILMORE Hi CO., Is thus secured. We desire to
win success by deserving It.
Address: GILMORE &CO.,
620 F. Street,
Washington, D. C.
IMPORTANT TfOTICK. The subscriber
late of the tlrm of Rhoades Smtlh, would
resiiectfully inform the citizens of BLA1N
and vicinity, that he bas opened a WAGON
MAKER SHOP, and is prepared to make new
wagons and repair old ones at short notice, and
at from TEN to TWENTY per cent, cheaper tliuu
the old firm.
M-Ulve me a call. Satisfaction guaranteed.
JACOB SMITH.
Blaln, August 8, 1S67.
THE WEED
S'fSJm
PRICES REDUCED
"Ths Family Favorite"
IMPKOVKl)
Liirlit-KuimitiK, Noiseless,
No Genrs,No Cimis,No Springs.
New and Itfegiint Styles or Wood
Work. From this date, by the expiration
of Patents under which we
have been paying roy
al ties,wc are enabled
to sell our ma
chines at
GREATLY REDUCED PRICES,
and as low as those of any first
class machine.
Send for Circulars and
Price Lists.
Weed Sewing Machine Co.,
20 Union Square,
NEW YOHK.
11 7 18t.
BOOTS
Do you want BOOTS of any kind?
If so, call and see the
invites i: STOCK
NOW OFFERED BY
V . M O It T 1 M II It .
Dr.A.G.OLIN'SHJS
II IMMtofi Private nature, rmultliiir frmn early iiIiumh
or InfiTtlun f Ittit-r Set. Hf ml nil I tVHkllB (iroiluc ini
JmlMloiifcLoMof Mfmort, Jut pain l Mjrkt Irfiwi
JUiinhootl or Impntfiu-y, Nitvbu ltlillll, rrm-ni-nlly
cured dUttium uf the llliittiler, Klrtni-j Mvrr,
I.uiik-S A'tbiiia, Catrtrrh. I'ltw, all Lhronlr Ileiue, and 1MH
KAHKBOF FKMAI.KM, yield to liU Ueattnent. Dr.Olln
Itni lia.l a ilfe-Jon exiN-rttni-e, and ntrw w here i.tbm fall, lla
l a graduate of tlia Reftiniied Prlimd, uwi no mtm nrv. Iim tna
Inner pmtlie to tbB U. 8. LAIHKft reqnlrint ireaunenl with
private hmiw anil twd, call or ilw. t.wv rwrifiiinf for
iwllenu. Htmd fifty re nU for lainrtlB of HubUf iood and clr
rnlar of ImporUnt lt,fonnailn I.y f vprm. JJL OLKVH
Temale 1111 5 IW tfcix. L'niiftiltnllmi fre.
MAERIAGE GUIDE ?I&W.
young and mitldle aue.i of botti on all dia.M of a prfvat
nature. altinble mlvli-a In lliw marrlwl and thowt riil-tiila11nK
. tlnw to b bnalthv ami Imlw hn.v !. tk. i
Uon. K very bod j ahouU gel tiiit bouk. l'ricw Ml oeuU. toauyad
drew, walad.
A PHYSini nniPAi
View of Marriaco I
Tffi'S'FZWPl'fFFQ Oultl. to Wed"lc and
lui.i-. ui ,narnaLre ami Ilia
Laii.cithit unlit for 11 ; th te
ireii of Reproduction and
lie Diaenaea of Women.
A hOf.U (. n.i.nl. ..,
p ntc readiug. 2U) pagci, prloa
A lkiu. il' iLnir'Al inifiern,
On all dlionliTS ol a Private tlalu.ro arimuK Irom Bolf
Abuae, Excesnf a, or Pwcret UlBOftaca, wilb the uvat
Uu'unt of i-iir-, 5t4 .urar-pnyp.. prttfiAl rt..
A OLINIOAL LECTURE on thrnhnvo diirapa and
trme ot tlio Tltroatund Lung, Cataxrh.HUDture. the
Opium Habit, nc.prkp lUi'la.
Kliher book win poipaiilon riTr'tntntprlreioratl three
cotttalnliiit.VKlimgi-., hoandhilly il,utrnii-d. lor 7r, rtit.
Add mi Da. ltUTTa, .No. la N. BUi bl. bU Louia, Jta.
I nVFR,,)OK OF KNOWI.EDOE, or Se.
"w erets of Love. Courtship and
Marriage Showing how to get married, live hap
pily obtain health, wealth and distinction, and
appear to advantage In society 'M panes 300,000
sold. Mailed fur loets.. in l'ostapre Stamps or cur
lency. Address, XII K CNION l'UBLISHINO
COMPANY. Kewark, N. J. 41W13.
ATTENTION
FARMERS I
Send for a Specimen Copy of the
PRACTICAL FARMER.
Established 1835.
The oldest. I,ar(i-st, Most Enterprising, In
sir uc live ami Valuable Agricultural, Live
Stuck and Family Journal in
America.
It Is a C4-C'oIumn Weekly Paper,
Acknowledged authority on all agricultural
topics, and lends the van of American Agricul
tural Journalism. Has the largest and ablest
corps of ltegular Contributors ever employed oh
an agricultural paper, under an able and experi
enced Editoral Management, who spare no ex
pense or labor to add everything possible to lis
value.
Subscription Terms Reduced for 1878,
I'AYAHI S IS ADVANCE.
Single subscriptions (b'i Issues) J2 (fl
In clubs of two, do 1 75
In clubs of tli ree, do 150
Making It the cheapest tlrst-class Agricultural
Weekly In the country.
Liberal Premiums or Cash Commissions to Club
Agents. Specimen Copies sent free. Address
Pit ACTIO A L KAKMElt,
(IS Waluut St., Philadelphia, Pa. .
FLANNELS A splendid assortment of Flan
uels, just opened by f. MOrll llli.lt,
New Model Machine
Hotels.
PERRY HOUSE,
New Blooinfleld, Terry Co., l'a.,
T1I0S. BUTCH, Proprietor.
CENTENNIAL HOTEL,
VJ (Fonnorly the Sweger House,)
MAIN RTREET,
NEW DLOOMl'IELD, I'EURY CO..rA.
JOS. 8. SMITH, . T . . Proprietor.
Having good aeeommodiitlnns for regular or
transient boarders, a share of public putromige
Is solicited. 10 19
JHE MANSION HOUSE,
New inooinllcld, reini'ii.,
L). M. ItlNESMITII, - . Propristor.
This well-known hotel has lately beenenlarged,
re-painted and re-lllled, Ilest accominoditlliiiis
airorded. i Careful hostlers always In aileud
ance. ii:3 tf
gT. ELMO HOTEL,
(FORMERLY "THE UNION,")
JOS. M. FKUEK, Proprietor.
817 810 AltCH 8TREET,
PHIhADELnilA.
Terra a,
$2.60 Per Day.
HIS HOTEL being centrally located, and liar
lug been entirely KKfrnKO, It will be found
as pleasant a stopping place as can bedeslred
A UCT TONE EI!S.
AS. F. LATCH FORD,
A VCTIONEEll ,
Would respectfully Inform the public that he
will cry sales at reamuable prices. All orders
will receive pi'iinmt. attention.
HON N ALLY'S MILLS PERRY CO., PA.
TAMES CLEELAND
U Auctioneer,
Offers his services to the citizens of Perry and
Cumberland counties, post olllce address,
Sherniaiisdale, Perry co., Pa.
HENRY,
A VCTIONEEll,
Blaln, Perry county Pa.
-Terms Moderate and every exertion made
to render satisfaction. (ill
Auctioneer. The undersigned gives
notice that he will cry sales at any point In Perry
or Dauphin counties. Orders are solicited auu
promptattentlon willbe given.
E. V. WELLS,
New Buffalo
Perry co., Pa.
D
AVID M'COY,
Auctioneer
Charges verv low. l'ost ortlce address
Ickesburg Penii'tt- 8t
Q B.HARNISH,
AUCTIONKElt,
Delvllle, Perry Co., l'a. Charges moderate, and
satisfaction guaranteed. 6 tf
JJOME MANUFACTURE.
LOOK OUT!
I would respectively Inform myfrlendsthat I In
tend calling upon them with a supply of good
of my
OWN MANUFACTURE.
Consisting of
OASSIMERS,
OASSINETS,
FLANNELS, (Plalnandbar'd)
CAIIPKTS,
toexchangefor woo orsellfor cash.
J.M.BIXLEH.
Centiie Woolen Factokt. 6,17,4m
W For Sale by F. Mohtimer, New BloomOeld
Terry county. Pa.
S2500
A YE An. Acentawanted. Bnal
ncsalcvltlniute. Particulars free.
Addraai J WOKTH 4 CO., Bt LoaU, Mo.
$45
PltEH(!JI WATHII AND CHAIX
tein-Wlljdtir.Frp.l wittlfvi.rvnrf!nr. Out.
at IrtHi. J. 1). liaj lord to- Chicago, lil
TRKSPASH XOTIC'E. -The undersigned
hereby notify all jiersons not to hunt, tlsh,
gather nuts, cut timber, &c, or otherwise tres
pass on their lands in Jackson township. Perry
county, Pa., or tiiey will be dealt with according
to law.
H. K. BALTOSSER.
l'ETEK GUISHALL.
Feptember 18, 1877. pd
ffif f tn lif mrrd lit th rflsliBSfi! iaN?tV
iff "I Hxm S I l I.IVKB AH. IICTO. k!rf
fKISrilt n: l IJIK. atire f.rfontompA'T-Jl
kaaaaaf I iiioiibs, llrchilU ill Sfrolul.ui
ili'rairi. Ink vnrdrBttrilforOimaa'f"j
Yt'S 'f ha km not frnt It, I will, on rtteipt P!
XUiHiiiKi Mllut L
Jon J. Taylob 1 Iu the Court of Common Pleas
vs. of Perry County.
Ellen Taylor- ) No. r.i, August Term, 1877.
SrilPtENA IN DlVOIlCE. Sc.
Notice Is hereby given to the respondent to ap
pear on Hie llrst Monday of January next, being
MONDAY, the 7th day of January, A. D., 1878,
and answer the complaint of the said libellant,
mid show cause why a decree of divorce a I'l'iuu
lo matrimonii should uot lie granted, iko.
J. W. WILLIAMSON, Sheriff.
Sheriff's Oltlce,
New llloomlleld, Oct.SC,1877. (
JNSOLVENT NOTICE. '
Notice Is hereby given that In the matter of the
applicatloN of C. T. Shealterof Juniata twp., for
the beneltt of the Insolvent Laws of the Com
monwealth, the Court of Common Pleas ol Perry
County, have appointed Tuesday, the 11th day of
December, 1877 for a hearing in accordance with
the Act ot Assembly.
D. MICKEY. Prolhonotary.
New lilooinlleld, Nov. 17, 1877.
A Girl who has It Bad.
The following In a lnttor which won
picked up a few dnys rigo In Carroll
towriHhlp. We leave out the names,
but otherwise the letter Is an exact copy.
February 4, A. 1). 1R77.
Dear Jonny : As It Is with the grctest
Of pleasure that I take my 1'en In my
hand to let you know That I am well
at preasatit, And I hope when tlicas few
lines (.'ome to hand may find you In
Joying the same llesMng;of Ootid health
well Jiear Jonny 1 am Hory for you that
you are cross at me, J!ut I huve one
Friend to spenk for Me and Unit is
Emma, well Jonny hojie you will
come hack ajrnln oil Do come. I dldant
run oil' from You need not think that,
you may nsk K mid she will tell you
the same Hlie nows all about it Indued
she dors. Dear Jonny I can toll you I
had A Hard time with the soar throat
since I lieen you last. My Jic-ur wont
you make up your tnliitl And come
back anlii on Saturday Ni(?ht oil iJo for
I want to see you, Miien Kver 1 think
of you my hart farley Hlnks with in me
to think that you would not speak to
me when you Had not know reason to
treat me Ho, Oh l)o (some and consider
Dear Jonny I would run through tire
for you for I loved you so that 1 cant
Rive you up, nor 1 wont for J. K , 1
and E would A went out the path
to meet you hut Old John was after her
nnd she woiildant let me go she pull me
Tlje other way. Oh if I could only Heo
you face to face to tell you wat K
hollowed. Now Jonny Consider and
come back It wusnnt My fault that It
happened it was Emiim if sho would
on ley left me (Jo. Oh Jonny do come
back on Saturday Kavning or Meet me
on Htindny Kavint? nt the I'.reatherti
Church at l'rayermeetinj? oh Do I want
to see you Dear Jonny wont you come
I will Kindly meet you witli A welcome
smile und A Kiss of love Apon my lips,
oil wont you Come if you don't Come
ritfht me A letter and let Me know whut
you Intend to do, oh Jonny I never will
be so Huppy as wen I meet you at my
Fathers Door witli a lovly smile Apon
your brow as sure as the grass Uroes
uround the stump I will have you Yet
for my sugar lump no more at preasant
light soon very soon Dear Jonny now
Come Yours truly Dear Jonny Good by
my Dear love,
1'. H. Oh Dear Jonny I will never no
never forget the llrst night you went
with me with that cap you had on
you looked so lovley to me but the last
night you looked loverley yet oil why
will you Delay oil come to me for I love
you I would give the whole world for
you.
A Poor Gucsscr.
"I say, Watson, why didn't you
support Suunders, as you agreed to ?"
''Never p-p-promlsed to," replied
Watson.
" Yes, you did," emphatically exclaim
ed Wilson.
" Where d-did IV"
"Why, down at Dickson's office, "
answered Wilson.
"Th-th-thlnk not: told you I
ff-ff-ffueimcil I would ; but I'm the poor
est g-g-guesser you ever eaw hardly
ever guess right."
C3T There is a precocious six-year-old
boy who Is wonderful on spelling and
definition. The other day his teacher
asked him to spell " matrimony."
" M-a-kr-i-m-o-n-y," said the young
ster, promptly.
" Now define it," said the teacher.
" Well," replied the boy, 'I don't
exactly know what it means, but I
know mother's got enough of it."
6" A gentleman who could not pro
nounce the letter "R," was asked to
read the following: "Kobert gave
Richard a rap In the ribs, for roasting
the rabbit so rare." He evaded the
difficulty in the following ingenious
manner: " Bobbie gave Dicky a thump
in the side, for.cooklng bunny so little !"
A gentleman named Dunlop re
marked that he had never heard Lis
name punned ujion, and did not believe
it could be done. " There is nothing in
the world more easy, sir," remarked a
punster ; "Just lop of half the name,
and It is Dun."
63Scene in an Iowa court. Judge:
"That point has been decided against
you by every court in Christendom, sir;
and thereisnouseof furtherargument."
Lawyer : " Very true, but your honor
frequently decides against every court in
Christendom."
C3T The pupils in a school in Boston
were asked to give in writing the differ
ence between a biped and a quadruped.
One boy gave the folllowing : " A biped
has two legs and a quadruped has four
legs ; therefore, the difl'erence between a
biped and a q uadruped is two legs."
l-They went fishing. She looked
languidly at him and said : " I wish the
fish would bite at your book. If I was'
a fish I would."
0"A swell who stuttered horribly
paid court to a pretty actress. " Ah,"
said she, " life Is too short; I haven't
time to listen to you."