The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, December 04, 1877, Page 7, Image 7

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    7
rrofoHslotinl Curds.
Newport Advertisements.
THE TIMES, NEW ULOOMFIELI), PA., DECEMBER 4, 1877.
THE WEED
Hotel.
JK. JUNKIN, Attorney-atLaw,
New nionmlleld. Perry Co., Va.
-Office Next dour to the residence of Judge
Junklii. suit
AM. MAftKEL. Attorney-at Law,
. New llloomlleld, Perry county. Pa.
l-tf Ofllce directly opposite tlio Post-Ofllce,
and adjoining the Mansion House.
JEWIS l'Ol'A'ICIt,
ATXOIINKY AT LAW,
new uloomkield, riant v co.,rA.
-Claims promptly scoured collected
Vrltlngsand all legal business carefully attend-
ed to.
ti yl
JAM EH II. FKltatBON, Attorney at Un,
NESVPOltT, PA.
ronice Market Street, Dear the Square. 85 8
CHAKLEB II. BMILEY, Attorney at Law
New Blonmlleld, ferry Co. Pa.
iMITIcewlth O. A. Harnett, Esq., on High
Rtrcet, north lde, nearly opposite the Presbyte
rian Church. August 2u, 1872.
-IITM. A. 8PONHLEK, Attorneyat-Law,
y otllee adjoining hi residence, on East
Main: street, New Illoonillold, Perry oo., Pa. -8 illy
JOHN O. SHATTO, Burgeon Ientlst,
New Dloum field. Perry co.. Pa.
All kinds of Mechanical and Hurglcal Dentistry
done lu the best manner, and at reasonable
prices.
M)fltce at his residence one door Eastofthe
lloblnsnn House, and opposite Win. A.Bponsler'a
. Lawolllee. Daly
"ItTM. N. HE1REUT, Attnrtiey-at-Law,
V V New llloomlleld. Perry Co., Ta.
Bloomlleld, 3 33 ly.
WM. M. HUTCH,
ATTOKN KY-ATLAW,
New Bloomlleld, Perry Co., Pa.
-Offlce Two doors West ol F. Mortimer,
Store 3 7 ly
LEWIS PDTTEIt. notaht PUW.tc. New Bloom
Held, Perry Co., I'a.
Deeds, Bonds, MMi tgiigcs and Leases carefully
prepared and acknowledgements taken. All
kinds of Pension and Bounty papers drawn and
cerlilled, will also take depositions to be rei d In
any court in the United Mates. 71Uly
c
IIIA8. J.T.M
cINTIRK, Attnrney-at-I.aw,
New Bloomlleld, Perry Co., Pa.
at- All nrofesSWlllnlhllsitinaaitivttitittlvaiwlfalth.
fully attended to. 3 2 1 v.
T7M. A. MOIMMSOV,
V .H'KTICEOK TIIK PEACE and (GENERAL
COLLECTOR, NrwOekmantown, Peri v co ., I'a.
-ItenilttnnceHwIll be made promptly torall
Collections made. 744
CHAS. A. BAKNETT, Attorney-nt l.nw.
New Bloomlleld. Perrv co., Pa
M-OITlce on high street. North side, nearly op
po.lte the Presbyterian Church. 3 2 ly
R
ICHARD L. MAGEE,
JUSTICE OP THE PEACE.
y Olllce at his residence, lu G'KN'J'HJi TOWN
SHIP. Perry County, Penn'a., one mile Buuth ot
New Bloomlleld. 10 3
-yy i lliam" M'rTiH'cii,
Justice of the 1'cim'c,
AND GENERAL COLLECTOR,
New BloomQeld, Perry County, Penn'a
-Special attention paid to Collections of all
kinds. Deeds, Donds.Mortgnges and Agreements
neatly executed. 7 xatt
G
EORGE H. MARTIN
GENERAL AGENT.
BLAIN, PEllltY COUNTY, VA.
Special attention given to the collection of
claims, and any other business entrusted to him
will receive prompt attention. Charges moderate.
April, l'Jth, 1877.
EATHER &C.
THE subscriber has now on hand at
LOW rillCES,
Good Sole Leather,
Kip of Superior Quality,
Country Calf Skins, "
French Calf,
LININGS, ltOANS, &c.
JF. Mortimer,
NEW BLOOMFIELD, PA.
A CAltD. To all who are suffering from the
errors and indiscretions of youth, nervous
weakness, early decay, loss of manhood, &c. I
will send a recipe that will cure you, FREE OF
CH ARG E. This great remedy was discovered by
a missionary in Bouth America. Bend a self-addressed
envelope to the Rev. Joseph T. Inhan,
Station D, Bible Jlouse, New Port City. 16b ly
CHRONIC Iliae Cured. New paths
viniuiliu marked out by that plainest of
all books Plain Home Talk and Medical Com
mon Sense." nearly louo pages, 2U0 Illustrations,
Dr. E. B. FOOTK. of 120 Lexington Ave., N. Y.
Purchasers of this book are at liberty to consult
lta author in person or by mall free. Price by
mall 3.25 for the Standard edition, or S 1.80 for the
Popular edition, which contains all the same
matter and illustrations. Contents tables free.
Agents wanted. MURRAY 11 ILL PUBLISHING
CO., 129 East 28th St., N. Y. , 41-13L
t!200,000 :
PDC ATpQT In order to clear out our stock
" of verv superior Gold-plalted
Jewelry valued at over t200,(XKi, we will send as
below, 20 Pieces, all warranted Gold plaited, for
l .00. 1 pair Gold Stone Sleeve Buttons, 1 pair
Engraved Sleeve Buttons, 1 set Pointed Studs, 1
set Amethyst Studs, 1 Wedding Ring, 1 Engraved
Band Finger King, 1 Amethvst Stone Ring Inlaid
"II A TJfi A TV1'111 (iolrt- 1 Elegant
J A XVVTxV.1. 1 King Marked " Friend
shin," 1 Amethyst stone Scarf f in Inlaid with
Gold, 1 Silvered Hat Pin, 1 set Ladies' Jet and
Gold Pin and Drops, 1 Misses' set Jet and Gold.
1 Collar Stud, 1 set Handsome Rosebud Ear
Drops, 1 Gents' Elegant Lake George Diamond
Stud, 1 Cardinal lied Bead Necklace, I pair
H' 7"T7, 1 Ladles' Amethyst Stone Ear Drops
J V Jlj IV Inlaid with Gold, 1 Ladies' Orna
mental Jet Brooch, 1 Fancy Scarf King and eie
f:ant Walch Chain. Take your choice, the entire
ot of 20 pieces, sent postpaid for $1.00, or any 8
pieces you choose for 60 cents. Now Is the time
to make money. These can be easily retailed
at10. CLUB PREMIUM. To any one ordering
12 Lots at Ul.oo each. we will piwent free, an Open
OF K K II K I ). f.WJI!l8r Wtt,u"
F. STOCKMAN, 27 Bond Street New Yolk. 47v.lt
T A XI rPTJ,"rtocuro,t'e "'Catarrh
J2i Uin each iiHighborhood,
with Dr. Karnser'. Reined v, to Introduce It
Sample free. J. C. Tiltuu, Pittsburgh, Pa. 47w3m
5000 Agents Wanted
To subscribe for the Agents' Journal. A hand
aomely bound 24 page Journal, brim full of Inter
est to Agents. Every Agent should see it.
Send Postal Card for specimen copy. Address.
AGENTS' JOURNAL, liew York. 36 6ui j
JONES' BROS, & CO., -
( Formerly John Jones & Bon,)
Grain & Produce
MERCHANTS,
Brick Warehouse, Front St., above Market,
Newport, Perry County, Pa.
WR would respectfully Invite the patronage of
the farni'M's, and the public generally, as
the HIGHEST PRICES the market will alford,
will be paid for all kinds of
GRAIN,
FLOUR,
PRODUCE.
SEEDS AND
RAILROAD TIEB
We have constantly on hand,
FISH,
8 ALT,
PLASTER,
CEMENT
COAL,
IRON,
BTEEL,
HORSE BIIOEB, &C..&0.
FOR BALE AT THE LOWEST RATEB.
t. Orders promptly filled,
Newport, July 20, 1875 tf
JSJEWPORT DRUGSTORE.
HflviiiH' nn hand ft complete aHflortment of thefnt
lowitiw article, the iibscrl.ter auks a nli.ire of your
patronage.
J)rttff8 and Mcdlclncf,
CHEMICALS OF ALL KINDS.
Also a full stock of
Concentrated Eomedics,
ESSENTIAL OILS.
Ilruslies, rciTuniery
haik oir
AND
FANCY ARTICLES.
Also always on Hand,
PURE WINES & LIQUOR
FOR
MEDICINAL and SACRAMENTAL
PURPOSES
PHYSICIANS ORDERS
Carefully and Promptly Filled
B. M . EBY,
Newport, Penn'a.
J B. HARTZELL,
Wholesale Tobacco Dealer,
NEWl'OItT, PA.
Sole Agent for Lorllard's Superior Tobaccos,
mr uounir
at Phlladolp
Country Merchants supplied with Goods
rmitKioipiiiu ni ices.
- Vour orders are solicited.
9 44
it. s. cook & co.,
Agree to sell all kinds of
LUMBER AND SHINGLES,
for LESS MONEY than any other dealers In this
county. We will also take good Timber on the
stump or delivered at our Mill in exchange for
Lumber, &e, We use Clearfield Pine and Hem
lock only.
W. R. S. COOK & CO.,
Newport, Terry Co., Pa.
October 10, 1878,
American and Foreign Patents.
GILMORE & CO.. Successors to CHIPMAN.
HAMMER & CO., Solicitors. Patents pro!
cured Inall countries. NO FEES IN ADVANCE.
No charge unless the patent Is granted. No fees
for making preliminary examinations. No addi
tional fees for obtaining and conducting a re
hearing. By a recent decision of the Commis
sioner, ALL rejected applications may be revived.
Special attention given to Interference Cases be
fore the Patent oltlce, Extensions before Con
gress, Infringement Suits In dlllerent States, and
all litigation appertaining to Inventions or Pat
ents. Bend Stamp to Uilmore & Co., for pamph
let of sixty pages. r '
LAND CASKS, LAND WARRANTS & SCRIP.
Contested Land Cases prosecuted before the U.
A General Land Olllce and Department of the
Interior. Private Land Claims, MINING and
PRE EMPTION Claims, and HOMESTEAD cases
attended to. Land Scrip in 40, 80, any hio acre
nieces for sale. This Scrip Is assignable, and can
be located In the name of the purchaser upon any
Government land subject to private entry, at
11.25 per acre. It is of equal value with Bounty
Land Warrants. Send Stamp to Giimore & Co.,
for pamphlet of instruction.
ARREARS OF PA V AND BOUNTY.
OFFICERS, SOLDIERS and SAILORS of the
late war. or their heirs, are in many cases entitled
to money from the Government of which tliey
have no knowledge. Write full history of service,
and state amount of pav and bounty received.
Enclose stamp to GILMORE Hi CO., and a full re
ply.after examination, will be given you free.
PENSIONS.
All OFFICERS. SOLDIERS, and SAILORS,
wounded, ruptured, or injured in the late war,
mjwever sHght. cau obtain a penson by addressing
Cases prosecuted by GILMORE & CO., before
the Supreme Court of the Hulled States, the Court
of Claims and the Southern Claims Commission.
Each department ot our business is conducted
In aseparale bureau, under charge of the same
experienced parties, embloved by the old Arm.
Prompt attention to all business entrusted to
GILMORE & CO., Is thus secured. We desire to
win success by deserving it.
Address: UILMORE &CO.,
629 F. Street,
Washington, D. C.
IMPORTANT NOTICE. The subscriber
late of the firm of Rhoades Smith, would
respectfully inform the citizens of BLAIN
and vicinity, hat he has opened a WAGON
MAKER SHOP, and Is prepared to make new
wagons and repair old ones at short notice, and
at from TEN to TWENTY percent, cheaper than
the old llrm.
-(ilve me a call. Satisfaction guaranteed.
, , . . JACOB SMITH.
Blaln, AugUBt 8, 1867.
...
Km
PRICES REDUCED
"The Family Favorite"
IMPKOVKI)
lilglit-liuniiiiig, Noiseless,
No (jcnis,No Cnms,No Springs.
Now and Klogant Siylesor Wood.
Work.
From this date, by the expiration
of lVtonts under which we
have been paying roy
nlties,wc arc enabled
to sell our ma
chines at
GREATLY REDUCED PRICES,
and as low as those of any first
class machine.
rSI Send for Circulars and
Trice Lists.
Weed Sewing Machine Co.,
20 Union Square,
NEW YOllK.
11 7 18t.
BOOTS
Do you want BOOTS of any klndt
If so, call and see the
r.A.llGI3 STOCK
NOW OFFERED BT
F. M U It 1 1 M K II ,
Hp A O 111 IMIO
tMvfttt HnapftsL
1X1 bl W l,lilr.
mi i m yiyuii Unv...
ttll DWftrtMt. oft lrfvat nfttiira, rwiiltlni- from trly abuaea
or Inflation of UlufS,. Kmlnul WealaranprtxlticltiK
KMlMlona, Low ofMfiBorT. Iaipalri4 WlithL Lol
M unhand or JmpoU-itfj. Krrv.u Urbllltr, perma
niiL)ycuTli dlwMor the Bladder Kldafva, I.lvr.
uitaris A.lhrnn, Ctmh, 111m. all Chronic DImmm, uid DlrV
liu lind a life-long eiuttlence, and truree wlimoihen fail, lie
hamduaUof the Hefouned Bt'honl, uen no merrurr. hat tha
lanceitpnu tU-eia the U. S. LA DIE requiring treatment with
prlTaia home and board, call or write, Eterv eniiTetihttitv for
:itlnu. Bend fifty renU for earn nle of Rubber flood and rir
ruler of Important Information hy evprea. lli. ILiNa
Female IHU. 6 per Box. L'nnMtluiloi! free.
MARRIAGE GUIDE MJWfi
young and mtdille atrei of both Rein, on all dUatee of a prlrata
oature. Valuable ativW to the married and tluae ronUmnlaling
mamwe. How to be healthy and truly baitpyln the merrfed reir
Uon. kTerybody ahould get ilk buuk. lMoe ftO ceute, WauyaO-
A PHYSIOLOGICAL r
mm u m. t. 7
V WV7 Of
Marriage !
AOuldete Widlock slid
-.'LMiiiu.-itiiai j rc.tiM on tli
l.liill.l ot inftrri.pa mnit thm
ill.thlt l.nfll fur II . tli. ...
vreii of Beproduction tnd
!the Dlicasei of Wompn.
A book lor prlr.tr, ron.id-
He rudiux. m pagn, ptlM
l cl..
- . A fHIWAIt MtDICAL AOVIRFRI
Vln 111 diaonlrriol a Private Kulure ari.jj.y Irom Balf
Abuia, Eiceap, or fieoret Dlaeaaea, ith liia beat
lur.na offiii-, J'H lri",pi,KP..prh'r.'illit..
A CLINICAL LFCTtTRK on lh. almw dlifairt ami
TnoM ol tim Throataitd X,un, CatArrh.Buptura. Uia
Opium Habit, c. price lOi ti. '
J-.tther tHKk .rnt poilp.ldon rt'eeipt ot price t or alt three.
eontaloliiK HI n.ffp., Iifaiitifully illuitralrd, tor t& cU.
Addrn. litL. UIJTTa, tio.liN. tlti. etc lit. Louu, Ko.
I nVFRQl,0K OF KNOWLKDO K, or Re
"u - crets of Love. Courtship and
Marriage Showing how to get married, live hap
pily olitaln heallh, wealth and distinction, and
apiiearto advantaxe In socletv 200 panes 300,000
sold. Mailed for lOcts.. lu I'ostane Ktamns or cur
rency. Address, TIIK UNION l'UBLIHlIINU
COMPANY. Newark, N. J. 44W13.
ATTENTION
FARMERS I
Send for a Specimen Copy of the
PRACTICAL FARMER.
Established 1855.
The oldest, Lurgist, Most Enterprising, In
Btruetlve and Valuable Agricultural, Live
block and Family Journal lu
. , America.
It Is a Ct-Coluuin Weekly Pnper,
Acknowledged authority on all agricultural
topics, and leads the van of American Agricul
tural Journalism. Has the largest and ablest
corps of Regular Contributors ever employed on
an agricultural paper, under an able and experi
enced Kditoral Management, who spare no ex
pense or labor to add everything possible to lis
value.
Subscription Terms Reduced for 1878,
PAYABLE IN AI1VANCE.
Single subscriptions (bi Issues) $2 CO
lu clubs of two, do l 75
In clubs of three. do i w
Making It the cheapest nrst-olass Agricultural
Weekly In the country.
Liberal Premiums or Cash Commissions to (Hub
AgeitM. Bpeciuien Copies Bent free. Address
PRACTICAL FAKMEK.
618 Walnut til.. Philadelphia, Pa.
I71LANNEL8 A splendid assortment of Flan
Dels, just opened by F. MOltTIMEH.
Net Model Macmne
JHE PERRY HOUSE,
New Illoomfleld, Perry Co., Ta.,
T1108. BUTCH, Proprietor.
fENTENNIAL HOTEL,
J (Formerly the Bwcgor House,)
MAIN STREET,
NEW BLOOMFIELD, rEltllY CO., FA.
J08. 8. SMITH, . T . . Proprietor.
Having good accommodations for regular or
transient, hoarders, a share of publlo patronage
Is solicited. lo lu
JHE MANSION HOUSE,
0 New Illoomfleld, Penn'a.,
D. M. KINE8M1T1I, . . Propr'stor.
This well known hotel lias lately beenenlarged,
re painted and re tllted. lient accommodations
annrueu. r caretut nosuers always in attend
ance. 033 tf
gT. ELMO HOTEL,
(FORMERLY "THE UNION,")
JOS. M. FEWER, Proprietor.
817 & S19 ARCH STREET,
PHILADELPHIA.
Terms,
$2.50 Per Day.
HIS HOTEL being centrally located, and ha.
I lug been entirely hkfittkii, It will he found
as pleasant a stopping place as can bedeslred
A UCTIONEERS.
AS. P. LATCHFORD,
A UCTIONEER,
Would respectfully Inform the public thst he
will cry sales nt reasonable prices. All oiders
will receive promnt attention.
DONN ALLY'S MILLS PEIIIIY CO., PA.
'tames CLEELAND
U Auctioneer,
Offers his services to the citizens of Perry and
Cumberland counties. Post olllce address,
tihermansdale, Perry co., Pa.
w.D-
HENRY,
A UCTIONEER .
Blait), Perry county Pa.
-Terms Moderate and every exertion made
to render satisfaction. 611
Anctlonoer. The undersigned gives
notice that he will cry sales at any point In Perry
or Dauphin counties. Orders are solicited ana
promptattention wlllbe given.
E. L. WELLB,
New Buffalo
Perrv co., Pa.
D
AVID M'COY,
Auctioneer
Charge verv low. I'unt omen AddrAaa
Ickesburg Penn'a' 8t
QB. HARNISH, !
AUCTIONEElt,
Polvllle, Perry Co., Pa. Charges moderate, and
satisfaction guaranteed. 6 tf
H
OME MANUFACTURE.
LOOK OUT!
X would respectlvelylnform myfrlendsthatlln
X tend calling upon thein with a supply ol good
of my
OWN MANUFACTURE.
Consisting of
OABS1MERS,
OASSINBTS,
FLANNELS, (Plalnaudbar'd)
CARPETS, Hco.a
toexchangefor woo orsellfor cash.
J.M. BIXLEB.
CbmtriWooliii Factoht. 6,17,4m
-yxi... i. j v- ii. j ? j x
atr i ur mrm iiw lmr run l ma i
r.(6SNIVK t 1 lit OH. I.tl0.
riatirillTKalUllfc'.swafartistaiiii.l
I ut. ui.st. vrtacjuua an icramiaiu i
IHrim, tat yasrilricitiithr
. iltikMSatftit.lnll,MrMUrti
kifiuilli'tUM.C.l.VMtl
ll.iUAMI.I.
- For Sale by F. Mohtimku, New Bloomlleld
Perry county. Pa.
S2500
ATPAn. Aftentswanted. Unit.
neailpffitlntiite. Partlculsra free.
A.drn.J WOBTHACO .SlLouU.lla.
045
PHRwirw WiTJ ii inn rnnu
otein-wiuder.Fre.' wlthevuryordRr. but.
at tree. J.U.UajlorUiCo.. Chicago, ta
TRESPASS NOTICE. The undersigned
hereby notify all iiersoiis not to hunt, Itsli,
gather nuts, cut timber, &c, or otherwise tres
pass on their lands In Jackson township, Perry
county, I'a., or they will be dealt with according
to law.
ft. K. BALTOPSER.
l'ETEit GL) IbilALL.
Bcptember 18, 1877. pd
N
OTICE.
John J. Tatlor ) In the Court of Common Pleas
of perry County.
Ellen TaIloh. j No. 4:i , August Term, 1877.
HUIIPIKNA IN UlVOKCK. &0.
Notice Is hereby given to the respondent to ap-
Iiear ou the llrst Monday of January next, being
IIONDAY, the 7 Ui day of January, A, 1)., 187s,
and answer the complaint of the said libellant,
and show cause why a decree of divorce a vincu
lo matrimomf should not be granted, da.
J. W. WILLIAMSON, Sheriff.
Sheriff's Ofllce,
New UloouiUeld, Oct.!C,1877. i
I
NSOLVENT NOTICE.
Notice Is herebv elven that In the matter of the
nppllcatioN of C.T. Hhealterof Juniata twp . for
the benellt of the Insolvent Laws of the Com
monwealth, the Court of Common Pleas of Perry
County, have appointed Tuesday, the 11th day of
December, 1877 for a hearing ia accordance with
the Act of Assembly.
L. MICKEY. Prothonotary.
New Bloointleld, Nov. 17, 1877.
DOT BABY OFF MINE.
Mine cracloust Mine craclousl (bust look here
und tee
A Deutscher to happy as babby can pe
Der beoples alt dink dat no plains I liaf got,
Vas graity mlttrltikliig of totnedlng like dot
Id vasn't pecause I trlnki lager and vine,
Id vas all on aggount off dot bad off mine.
Dot schmall leedle vellow I dells you vas
queer
Not mooch plgger roundt as a goot glass of
bcc,
Mil a baro-footed lied.ttnd nose but a shpeck,
A mout dot goes most to der pack ofT his neck,
Und bis leedle pink toes mil der rest all com
bine To glf sooch a cbarm to dot baby off mine.
I dells you dot baby vas von ofT dor poys,
Und beats leedle Yawcob for making a noise j
Ho eli up 1 1ms pecum to slipcak goot English,
too,
Bays " mama mid bapa," und eomedlmcs
"ab-goo!"
You dou'd find a baby den dimes oudt OfT
nine
Dot vos quite so sebmart as dot baby off mine.
He grawls der vloor ofer, and drows tings
aboudt
Und poots efryding he can find In bis mout j
He dutnblcs der eh talis down, und falls vrom
bis chair,
Uud glfs mine Katrlna von derrible schare
Mine hair slitnnds like shqullls on a mat bor
cuplno Yen I dinks of dose pranks off dot baby off
mine.
Dere vas somcdlng, you pet, I don'd like
pooty veil ;
To hear In der nigbdt dimes dot young
Deutsher yell,
Und d ravel dcrped-room mldout many clo'es
Vbile der chills down der supine off mine
pack quickly goes
Dose leedle shlinnasdlc d ricks vasn't so fine
Dot I cuts oop at otghdt mid dat baby off
mine.
Veil, desc leedlo schafers vas goln' to ps men,
Und all off dese dronbles vlll pcen ofer den (
Dey vlll vear a vhite shirt vront Inshted off a
bip,
Und vouldn'tgot tucked oop at nlghdt In delr
crib
Veil I Veil I ven I'm feeble und In lire's de
cline, .
May mine oldt age pe cheered py dot baby off
. mine.
A negro wbo was arrested for
stealing a cow, said, on being arraigned,
" I ain't stole no cow; I'se above dat;
I was brought up respectable, I was:
I seen a piece ob rope a-lyln' by de road,
and, Jedge, I picked it up, and, golly, I
was surprised when I gits home de wust
kind, to fin' dat yer ole cow critter a
hangln' on de endon't."
f3" A coterrtporary, commenting on
the fall of the President of the West
Philadelphia Passenger Railway Com
pany, earnestly asks, " Where shall we
find an honest man In this world ?"
You will find us in the office from 7 A.
M. to 8 P. M. provided you don't want
to borrow money.
rjyTwo Irishmen were talking about
an accident, when the following colloquy
occurred: "Shure, how Is the man
that was hurt?" "An' he's no better."
" Is he conscious ?" " Yis, he's con
scious, but dlvil a thing does he know !"
IS" Irate squire : "Hi, you sir ! You're
fishing in my river. I demand what
you've caught." Fisherman : " All right
Oov'nor. I've caught a cold, and I'm
catching the rheumatics, and you're
Jolly welcome to 'em both."
O An actuary of Brooklyn gave a
student the following a,lvice bow to
become practically acquainted with the
" Rule of Three:" "Live with your
wife, mother and mother-in-law."
y The fuct that a Xewark belle
smells of new-mown hay is not a certain
indication that she has been in the
country all summer.
O" In a Russian school the spelling
class wears out a new alphabet every
week. Some of the most knotty words
are smoothed off with a jack-plane be
fore given to the class.