The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, January 02, 1877, Page 2, Image 2
THE TIMES, NEW BLOOMFIELD, VA JANUAHY 2, 1877. Josiah's Pleasure "Exertion." THEY htve been havlnV plcaouro ex ertlotiB nil BurarBer here to Jonen vllle. Evory vreek a'rnont they would go off on a exertion after pleasure, and JohIuIi was all up Id end to go too. Tlmt man it a well-principled man as t ever see ; but If he bad liis head he would be worse than any young inau I ever Bee to follor Up picnics, and 4th of Julys, and camp meetln's, and all pleas ure exertions. But I don't encourage him in It. I have suid to him, time and agin, " There In a time for everything, Joeiah Allen, and afteranybody had lost all their teeth, and every mite of hair on the top of their head, it la time for 'em to stop goin' to pleasure exertions." But good lnnd! I might Jest as Well talk to the wind. If that man should get to be ns old as Mr. Methusler, and be a goln' a thousand years old, he would prick up his ears if he should hear of an exertion. All summer long that man has beset me to go to 'em,for he wouldn't go without me. Old Hunker Hill him self hain't any sounder In principle than Joslnh Allen, and I have had to work bead-work to make excuses, and quell him down. But, last week, the old folks was goln' to have one out on the luke, on an Island, and that man sot his foot down that go he would. We was to the breakfast-table, a talkln' it over, and says I, "I shan't go, for I am afraid of big water any way." Says Josiab, " You are Jest as liable to lie killed in one place as another." Says I, with a almost frigid air, as I passed him his coffee, " Mebby I shall be drowned on dry land, Josiah Allen ; lut I don't believe it." SayB he, in a complalnin' tone, " I an 't get you started on to a exertion for pleasure any way." Says I, in a almost eloquent way, " I don't believe in makin' such exertions after pleasure. I don't believe,ln clmsin' of her up." Says I, " Let her come of her own free will." Says I, " You can't catoli her by chasln' of her up, no more you can fetch a shower up, in a drewth, by goln' out doors, and run ning after a cloud Up in the heavens above you. Hit down and be patient; and when it gets ready, the refreshin, rain-drops will begin to full without uone of your help. And it is jest so with pleasure, Josiah Allen ; you may chase her up over all the ocians and big mountains of the earth, and she will keep ahead of you all the time ; but set down,and don't fatigue yourself a think in' about her, and like as not she will come right into your bouse, unbeknown to you." "Wal," says he, " I guess I'll have another griddle-cake, Samantha." And as he took it. and poured the maple syrup over it, he added, gently but tlrmly, ' I shall go, Samantha, to this exertion, and I should be glad to have you present at it, because it seems jest, to nie, as if I should fall overboard durin' the day." Men are deep. Now that man knew that no amount of religious preachin' could stir me up like that one speech. For though I hain't no hand to coo, and don't encourage him in bein' spoony at all, he knows that I am wrapped almost " completely up in him. I went. We had got to start about the middle of the night,fr the lake was fifteeu miles r T .. . . in.. 1 1 . .. ..VI 1 1 ! .. 1 Hum uuiie&viiie, uiiu liiu uiu liuise uvui so slow, we nan got to start a nour or two ahead of the rest. I told Josiah . that I had jest ns lives set up all night, as to be routed out at two o'clock. But he was so animated and happy at the idee of goin', that he looked on the bright side of everything, and he said that he would go to bed before dark, and get as much sleep as we commonly did I ,So we went Jrf bed, the sun an hour high. But we hadn't more'n go settled down into bed, when we heard a buggy and a single wagon stop at the gate, and I got up and peeked through the window, and I see it was visitors come to spend the evenin' Elder Wesley Minkly and his family and Deacon Dobbins' folks. Josl ah vowed thai he wouldn't stir one step out of that bed that night. But I argued with him pretty harp, while I was throwln' on my clothes, and finally got him started up. I hain't deceitful, but I thought, If I got my clothes all on be fore they came in, I wouldn't tell 'em that I had been to bed that time of day. And I did get ail dressed up, even to my handkerchief pin. And I guess they had been there as much as ten minutes before I thought that I hadn't took my night-cap off. They looked dretful curl . ousat me, and I felt awful meachin'. But I just ketched it off, and never said nothin'. But when Josiuh came out of the bedroom, with what little hair he has got standin' out in every direction, no two hairs a layin' the same way, I up and told 'em. 1 thought mebby they wouldn't stay long. But Deacon Dob bins' folks seemed to be all waked up on the subject of religion, and they propos ed we should turn into a kind of con ference meetiu'; so they never went home till after ten o'clock. It was most eleven when Josiah and me got tolicd agin. And then Jest as I was geltln' Into a drowse, I heard the cat in the buttery, and I got up to let her out. ' And that rousted Josiah up, and he thought he heard the cattle in the garden, and he got up and went out. And there we was a march In' round most all night. And if we would get Into a nap, Josiah would think It was momln', and he would start up and go out to look at the clock. I lost myself once, for I dreampt that Josiah w as a droundln', and Deacon Dobbin b was on the shore a prayin' for him. It started me so, that I just ketched hold of Josi ah and hollered. I Bkalrt him awfully, and says he, " Whatdoes all you.Saman- tha ?" And then he cot out of bed agin, and went out and looked at the clock. It was half-past one, and he said " he didn't believe we had better ' go to sleep agin for fear we would be too late for the exertion, and he wouldn't miss that for nothin'." " Exertion," Bays I, in a awful cold tone ; " I should think we had had ex ertion enough for one spell." But I got up at 2 o'clock, and made a Cup of tea as strong as I could, for we both felt beat out, worse than if we had watched in sickness. But, as bad wore out as Josiah felt bodily, he was all animated In his mind about what a good time he wns a goln' to have. He acted foolish, and I told hlmso. I wanted to wear my brown and black ginghnm, and a shaker; but Josiah Insisted that I should Wear a new lawn dress that he had brought me home as a present , and I had got Just made up. So, jest to please him, I put it on, and my best bonnet. And that man, all I could do and Bay, would wear a pair of pantaloons I had been a makln' for Thomns Jefferson. They was gettln' up a military company In Thomas J.'s school, and these pantaloons was white with a blue stripe down the sides, a kind of uniform. Josiah took a awful fancy to 'em ; and, says he : "I will wear 'em, Samantha; they look so dressy." Says I, " They hain't hardly done. I was goln' to stitch that blue strlpeon tbe left leg on again. They hain't finished as they ought to be, and I would not wear 'em. It looks vain in you." Says he, " I will wear 'em, Samantha. I will be dressed up for once." I didn't contend with him. Thinks I, we are mnkln' fools of ourselves by goin' at all, and if he wants to make a little bigger fool of himself, I won't stand in hisJight. And then I had got some machine oil onto 'em, so I felt that I had got to wash 'em any way, before Thomas J. took 'em to school. So he put 'em on. I hud good vittles, and a sight of 'em. The basket wouldn't hold 'em all. So Josiah had to put a bottle of red rasp berry Jell into the pocket of his dress coat, and lots of other little thing, such as spoons, and knives, and forks, in his pantaloons and breast pockets. He looked like Captain Kidd, armed up to the teeth, and I told him so. But, good land, he would have carried a knife in his mouth if I had asked him, he felt bo neat about goin', and boasted bo, on what a splendid exertion it was goln' to be. We got to the lake about eight o'clock, being about the firs t ones there ; but they kep' a comin',and before 10 o'clock we all got there. There was about 20 old fools of us, when we all got collected together. And about 10 o'clock we sot sail for the island. Josiah bavin ' felt so animated and tickled aboutthe exertion, was worked up awfully when, just after we had got well out onto the lake, the wind took his hat off and blew it away, lie had made up his mind to look pretty that day, and be so dressed up, that it worked him upawfully. And then the sun beat down onto him ; and if he had had any hair onto his head it would have seemed more shady. But I did the best I could by him ; I stood by him, and pinned on his red bandanna handker chief onto his head. But as I was flxin it on, I see there was something more than mortification that ailed him. The lake was rough, and the boat rocked, and I eee he was beginning to be awful sick. He looked deathly. Pretty Boon I felt bad too. Oh, the wretchedness of that time ! I have enjoyed poor health con siderable in my life, but never did I en joy so much sickness, in so short a time, as I did on that pleasure exertion to the island. I suppose our beln' up all night a'niost made it worse. When we reach ed the island we was both as weak as cats. . I set right down on a stun,' and heiJ my head for a spoil, for it did seem as if it would split open. After awhile I staggered onto my feet, and finally 1 got so I could walk straight, and sense things a little. Then I bt j to take the things out of my dinner basket. The butter had all melted, so we had to dip it out with a spoon. "And a lot of water bad swashed over the side of the boat, so my pies, and tarts, and delicate cake, and cookies looked awful mixed up, but no worse than the - rest of the company's did. But we did the best we could, and begun to make preparations to eat, for the man that owned the boat Bald he knew It would rain before night, by the way the sun scalded. There wasn't a man or woman there but what the perspiration Jest poured down their faces. We was a hnggered and melancholy lookln' set. There was a piece of woods a little waysoir, but it was up quite a rise of ground, and there wasn't one of us but what hod the rheumatlz, more or less. Wo made up a fire on the sand, though it seemed as if it was hot enough to steep the tea and eoffee as it was. After we got the fire started, I histed a umberell, and sat down under It, and fanned myself hard, for I wbb afraid of a sunstroke. Wal, I guess I had Bat there ten min utes or more, when alt of a sudden I thought, Where is Josiah V I hidn't seen him since we had got there. I rlz right up and asked tbe company, al most M ildly, " if they had seen my com panion, Josiah V" They said " No.they hadn't." But Cclestine Wllklns' little girl, who had come with her grandpa and grandma Oowdcy, spoke up, and says she, "I seen him a goln' oiF to wards the woods ; he acted dreadfully Btrange, too; he seemed to be a walkin' off sideways." " Had the Bufferin's we had undergone make him delirious V" says I to myself ; and then I started off on the run to wards the woods, and old Miss Bobbet, and Miss Oowdey, and Sister Minkley, and Deacon Dobbins' wife, all rushed after me. Oh, the agony of them 2 or 3 minutes, my mind so distracted with forebodin's, and the perspiration a pour in' down. But, all of a sudden, on the edge of tbe woods we found him. Miss Qowdey weighed 100 pounds less than me ; had got a little ahead of me. He sat backed up against a tree in a awful cramped position, with his left leg un der him. He looked dretful uncomfort able, but when Miss Qowdey hollered out: " Oh, here you be, we have been skalrt about you; what Is the matter?" he smiled a dretful Sick smile, and says he : " Oh, I thought I'd come out here and meditate a spell. It was always a real treat to me to meditate.'" Jest then I came up, a pantin' for breath, and as the women nil turned to fuce me, Josiah scowled at me, and shook bis fist at them 4 wimmin, and made the most mysterious motions with his hand towards 'em. But the minute they turned 'round he smiled in a slck ish way, and pretended to go to whistlin'. " Says I : " What is the matter, Jo siah Allen t W7hat are you off here forV" "I am a meditatiu', Samantha." The wlmmen happened to be a look in' the other way for a minute, and ho looked nt me as if he would take my head off and made the strangest motions towards ,ein; but the minute they look ed at him he would pretend to smile that deathly smile. v ' Says I : " Come, Josiah Allen, we're goin' to hnve dinner right away, for we are afraid it will rain." ' "Oh, wal," says ho, "a little ruin, more or less, hain't a goin' to hlndei1 me from medltatin'." "I was wore out, and says I: "Do you stop medltatin' this minute, Josiah Allen." " Says he : " I won't stop, Samantha. I let you have your way a good deal of the time; but when I take it into my head to meditate, you hain't a ' goln' to break it up." "Says I: Josiah Allen come to din ner." "Oh,I hain't hungry," say she. " The table will probably be full. I had jest as leves wait." " Table full!" Bays I. "You know jest as well as I do that we are eatln' on the ground. Do you come and eat your dinner this minute." " Yes, do come," says Miss Bobbet. " Oh, says he,wlth that ghastly smile, a pretendin' to Joke, " I have plenty to eat here; I can eat muskeeters." The air was black with 'em ; I could not deny it. " The muskeeters will eat you, more likely," says I. " Look at your face and hands." " Yes, they have eat considerable of a dinner out of me, but I don't begrech 'em. I hain't small enough, I hope, to begrech 'em one meal." Miss Bobbet and the rest turned to go back, and the minute we were alone ho said : " Can't you bring 40 or 50 more wlm men up here ? You couldn't come here a minute without a lot of other wlmmen tied to your heels !" I began to see daylight, and then Josi ah told me. It seems he hud set down on that bot tle of raspberry Jell. That blue stripe on the side wasn't hardly finished, as I Bald, I hadn't fastened my thread prop erly ; so when he got to pullin' at 'em to try to wipe off the jell, the thread starred, a id beln' sewed on a machine, that seam jest ripped right open ' from top to bottom.' That was what he had walked off sideways tc jvards the woods for. Josiah Allen's wife hain't one to desert a companion In distress. I pin ned 'era up as well ns I could, and I didn't say a word to hurt his feclln's, only Jest said this to him, as I was a flxln' 'em: "Jcmjah Allen, Is this pleasure?" Bays I: "You was deter mined to come." " Throw that in my face again, will you What if I wimV There goes a pin into my log. I should think I bad suffered enough without your stabbln' of me with pins." " Wal, then, stand still, and not be a caperln' round so." How do you sup pose I can do anything with you a tousln' round bo?" " Wal, don't be so aggrevatln', then." I fixed 'em as well as I could, but they looked pretty bad,ahd thert, there they was all covered with jell, too. What to do I didn't know. But finally I told him I would put my shawl onto him. S" I doubled it up corner-ways, as big as I could, so it almost touched the ground behind him, and he walked back to the table with me. I told him it was best to tell the company all about it, but he jest put his foot down that he wouldn't and I told him if he wouldn't that he must make his own excuses to the com pany about wearln' the shawl. So he told 'em that he always loved to wear summer shawls; he thought it made a man look so dressy. But he looked as if he would sink all the time he was a sayln' It. They all looked dretful curious at him, and he looked as meachin' as if he had stole a sheep, and he never took a minute's comfort, nor I nuther. He was sick all the way back to the Bhore, and bo was I. And jest as we got Into our wagons and started for home, the rain begun to pour down. The wind turned our old umberell inside out In no time. My lawn dress was most spllte before, and now I give up my bunnet. , And I says to Josiah: ' This bunnet and dress are spllte, Josiah Allen, and I will have to buy some new ones." " Wal I wal 1 who said you wouldn't " he snapped out. But It wore on him. Oh, how the rain poured down. Josiah bavin' noth in' but his handkerchief on his head felt it more than I did. I had took a apron to put on a gettln' dinner, and I tried to make him let me pin It on his head. But says he, firmly: "I hain't proud and haughty, Sa- inatha, but I do feel above rldln' out with a pink apron on for a hat." " Wal, then," says I, " get as wet as sop if you had ruther." ; ' I didn't say no more, but there we Jest sot and Buffered. The rain poured down, the wind howled at us, the old horse went slow, the rheumatix laid boll of both of us, and the thought of the new bunnet and dress was a wearing on Josiah, I knew. After I had beset him about tho apron, we didn't hnrdly say a word for as much as 13 miles or so; but I did speak once, as he leaned forward with the rain adrippln' ofien his bandannu handkerchief onto his white pantaloons I says to him in stern tones : " Is this pleasure, Josiah Allen V He gave the old mare a awful cut, and says he : " I'd like to know what you want to be so agrevatln' for?" I didn'tmultiply any more words with him, only as we drove up to our door step, and he helped me out into a mud puddle, I says to him : " Mebby you'll hear to me another time, Josiah Allen " And I'll bet he will. I hain't afraid to bet a ten-cent bill that that man won't never open his mouth to me again about a Pleahurk Exertion. A LEETLE TOO MUCH. THE other day, when a stranger in the city was asked for alms by a man witli a bad cough he inquired : " What do you want of money V" " To buy food," was the answer. " Are you short on provisions V" " Yes, sir." " Didn't you lay in taters and cab bages and beets and so on last fall when they were so cheap V" " No, sir." "Well, that shows you have no bend for planning. I always put in my provisions in the fall, and have 'em where I can lay my hand on 'em. So you have nothing to eat " "No, sir."" " Can't run over to the neighbors and borrow sugar and -butter and flour?" "No, sir." " Well, some neighbors wouldn't lend a cold pancake if they could help it. Had your breakfast, I sup pose V" " No, sir." . x " Had your supper last night V" . "No, sir; I haven't eaten anything in almost ten days." , " That's a leetle too much, mister!" remarked the stranger as he squinted his left eye. "If you had said that you didn't have anything but milk toast for supper, and a cup of coffee and an egg for breakfast, and now felt like eating something solid, I should have believed you, and handed you half a dollar. Go right away from me ! I never could bear a hypocrite." Mrllnnrk' I'lilmnnln Krrnn H VTaaait TotlO Ann Mauddjki Pn.M. these deserr- nnnnla m nil Inlnna 1. n a affected revolution In . the healing art, and rruou ma mnacy ot several maxims which ISVS for irmnv vpfira nltNt.rnnffa1 tha nmiri-aaa nf medical science. The false supposition tbat " Consumption Is Incurable" deterred physi cians from attempting to And remedies for that disease, and patients afflicted with It reconcil ed themselves to death without making an ef fort to escape from a doom which they ann- 'irovu v uTj uiiHTUiuauits. n is DOW proved a IOWVr. thai Cnninmnilnii . h. nH-A. I that it tSfcl haan nlirarl In a . v . - - "m " v. j KiDa. UU1UUVI of cases (some of them apparently desperate unci uj ounencK-i ruimonio eyrup alone and In other cases by the same medicine In ..u.i-..-viuu wuu ncnencK'B oea weed Tonlo and Mandrake Pills, one or both, according to the requirements of the ease. Dr. Bchonck himself who enjoyed nnlnter rnpted good health for more than forty years, ",'iuiea at one time to be at tbe very K? V?i oeathhl physicians having pronounc ed his case hopeless, and abandoned him to hit rate. He was cured by the aforesaid medi cines, and, since his recovery, many thousands similarly affected have nsed Dr. Bchenck's preparations with the same remarkable suc cec. Tull directions accompany each, making It not absolutely necessary to personally see Dr. Bchenck unless patients wish their lungs ex amined, and for this purpose he is profession ally at bis principal office, Cornor Blxth and Arch Streets, Philadelphia, every Monday, day, where all letters for advice must be ad dressed. Bchenck's medicines are sold by all druggists. 14t VEGETI N E Purifies the Blood, Renovates ( and Invigorates the Whole System. ITS MEDICAL PHOIiI.TIE8 AUK Alterative, Tonic, Solvent AND DIURETIC. Vegetine V'egetine Vegetine Vegetine Vegetine Vegetine Vegetine Vegotiue Vegotine Vegetine Vegetine Vegotine Vegetine Vegetine Vegotine Vegetine Vegetine Vegetine Vegetine Vegetine 'Yegetiuo Vegotine Vegetine Vegetine Vetino Vfetine Veftine Vegltine egtline Vegelne Vegetoe Reliable Evidence. Mr. H. R. 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