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WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31, 1926

BY
0. W.
(On With Laughter)

Now that Palm Sunday is over
and we all our new
fineries, we'll prepare for Easter.
Don’t know just how or where you
strutted. While some folks showed
their stuff on the Boardwalk at the
shore, I put on my best—last sum-
mer’s shrunken, moth-eaten duds
from Laskewitz’'s—and walked up to
Florin ‘and back via theCross Roads
church.
I must confess my glad rags were
not the up-to-date balloon pants
type, but they really were all
paid for, and not the dollar down
and pay ’em as you wear ‘em kind.
A local
ting
said:
date
said:
date
couple contemplate get-
married and Sunday night he
“Dear, let's set our wedding
for next Friday evening.” She
“I really can’t as I have a
for that night.”
The way one sees some of the
kids actin’ on the street I often
wonder what has become of the old
fashioned mother who used to spank
her kids for sassin’ her.
A customer at a local restaurant
said: “Proprietor, your steak is just
like the weather—tough.”
The proprietor answered: ‘And
your account is also exactly like the
weather—unsettled.”
Don’t wear whiskers, fellows, or
you may have the same experience
this bird had.
There was an old duffer named Roop,
Who let out an awful whoop,
When the grass on his chin
Got kinda mixed in
With the noodles he ate in his soup.
One of our local business men
says that every man has in him the
capacity for running some business,
but there are too many who usually
want to run some other fellow’s
business.

A man at Florin said to his wife:
“Martha, do you know that our
neighbor is the biggest fool in the
country.” His wife answered: “Why
Henry, you are forgetting yourself.”

Joe Hershey says that the farmers
are not the only ones who make
their living out of the soil. The
people who conduct laundries do the
same thing.
A young lady on East Donegal
street sent this one in:
An honest girl
Is my friend, Ella,
She just returned
My silk umbrella.

While in conversation with a cer-
tain fellow yesterday I thought it
is very good to be breezy, but for
heaven's sake don’t be windy.

A chap from town hired himself
to» farmer last week. The second
day he said to his boss: “I'm gonna
quit. How do you expect me to
hold a plough with two big, strong
horses trying to pull it away from
me all the time?”

—
There's been so much talk about
the girls at Bryn Mawr smoking
eigarettes. I think if they're real
ladies they won't drop ashes on the
floor.

A woman from the country came
to Hauer's store and said to one of
the clerks that she’d like to try
that chemise on in the window. The
clerk said she would have to take it
home to do that.
One of our working men atl the
Grey Iron told me that its pretty
tough to pay 40 cents a pound for
beef. I told him its a darn site
tougher if you only pay 15 cents a
pound for it.
The Wrong Idea
Some men love women in spite
of their sins and others love them
for them.

I presume that before long there
will be a “No Ice” card beneath
that.
Irvin Kraybill, our obliging ticket
agent, says he saw a man get off
the train recently who was a ma-
gician. Dan Kramer asked him how
he knew that and he said: “The fel-

low was carrying a valise and he
changed hands.”
The following conversation was
overheard between two boys while
playing marbles in the park:
“When I grow up I'm goin’ to be
a bootlegger.”
Second boy—*‘“Aw, so’s your old
man.”
First boy—‘“Yes, ’en he’s a darn
good one, too.”
Finnegan Kramer came down
street the other day with a lump on
his head. I asked him what hap-
pened and he said: “O, that’s where
a thought struck me.”
— ae
Sol Barr asked Deputy Coroner
O'Neill if he still plays golf. O'Neill
said: “Do I? Why I played the
Country Club course once in 85.”
Sol answered: ‘Prevaricator. It
wasn’t built until ’18.”
A certain fellow here in town
changed bootleggers recently and
since then he says: “Two pints make
one quart; one quart makes one
wild.”

. Here’s a Funny One
MacDannald, down at the
“tion, cave me this one.
vA certain home on
Vy here’s a sign

|
I
THE MOUNT JOY
| er or later create a fatal breach in
4 the party. Our party has always
Congressman Vare (5.x
Senate Candidate party. It believes in temperance and
moderation, and in law and order, but
it would be false to the great liberal
principles upon which it was founded,
a - if it could be manoeuvered into sup-
Favors Modification of Volstead porting the tyranny of many features
Act To Secure Real Law En- | of the Volstead Law.
forcement and Protect Youth “I shall be opposed in the primaries
by two candidates, who believe in and
STA NDS © N HIS RECORD the Volstead Law. I do not believe
. { | that this represents the feeling of the
Ardert Supporter of Presideni| majority of Pennsylvania Republicans
Coo'idge and Staunch Pro- | of all classes, and it is fitting that
; ’ : | this majority should be" represented
teciuve Tariff Advocate | in the coming primaries by a candi-
| to modify the excesses of a law which
{is eating like a cancer into the physi-
cal and moral life of the American
people.
“Enforcement of the Volstead Act
1 has failed. This fact is obvious to all
and needs no argument. It has failed,

would maintain the extreme rigor of
{ date who believes the time has come

EE BS Ee

BULLETIN, MOUNT JOY, LANCASTER CO., PA.
—
PAGE THREE
CLOTHES FOR SPRING
/
- od
Stylish Apparel Is Always a Good
Investment at Our Prices
YOU'LL BE PLEASED AND AMAZED AT THE GORGEOUS SHOWING
OF NEW SPRING CLOTHING FOR THE-ENTIRE FAMILY, AND THERE'S
PLEASURE AND SATISFACTION IN WEARING THEM BECAUSE THEY
rn.

fais

Congressman William S. Vare
Philadelphia.-—Modification of the
Volstead Act to permit the sale of
light wines and beer is demanded in
the platform on which Congressman
William S. Vare, of Philadelphia, is
seeking the Republican nomination
for United States Senator.
The Congressman named Harry A.
Mackey, City Treasurer of Philadel- |
phia, and former Chairman of the
State Workmen's Compensation |
Board, as his campaign manager.
Congressman Vare’s statement an-|
nouncing his candidacy follows: |
“I am a candidate for the United |
States Senate. |
“For many weeks past I have re-'
eeived requests to. be a candidate |
from all parts of the State and from |
all classes of men and women. These
requests have come from representa- |
tives of labor, important leaders in|
great industrial enterprises, and
many others who are identified with |
the best and highest interests of
Pennsylvania. This is a call to duty. |
As a life-long Republican who has
given undivided service to this party, |
I cannot ignore it.
“In accepting the call I say em- |
phatically that I would not become a |
candidate even to satisfy an honor- |
able ambition, if I was not convinced |
that as a member of the Senate I can
be of real service to my State and its
people.
“I have served fourteen years as
a member of the House of Represen-
tatives, for many years of which I
have been a member of the important
Committee on Appropriations, of
which I am now second ranking mem-
ber. I have thus been enabled to ob-
tain experience in the practical de-
tails of government, which "ought to
stand me in good stead as a member
of the Senate.
“My Republicanism is attested by
life-long service to the party.
“] am whole-heartedly for Presi-
dent Coolidge. Since this great Pres-
{dent assumed his high office, I have
stood with and for him. At no time
when his policies needed support in
Congress have I been found wanting
and, if-] am elected Senator, he shall
have my cordial and loyal support in
all that he does for the maintenance
of Republican policies and the wel-
fare of our country.
“I have always believed in the ade- |
quate protection of American labor |
and industry by a protective tariff
that insures employment and prevents
the evil conditions which would re-
gult, if, with lower import duties, the
American laboring man was brought
into competition with the underpaid |
labor of the rest of the world. This |

has always been true, but it is essen- |!
tially true today when economic con- |
ditions in the war-burdened countries
of Europe have resulted in a situation
which would flood the American mar-
kets with cheap goods, if there were
not an adequate protective barrier
against such inundation. Philadel- |
phia and Pittsburgh, as two of the
greatest industrial cities of America,
as well as many other places in the
State, have a peculiar interest in this
policy, and I shall defend in the Sen-
ate, ag I have always done in the
House, the protective tariff.
“These are things which I think the
voters whose support I ask are en-
titled to know.
“There is in sddition another issue !
of great imno-tonce upon which I |
submit my candidacy to the voters of |
the Republican rarty. |
“An effort is being made to force |
the rarty into an extrema |
position or the question of pro-
kibition. !f suecce=ful, it wonld eran

in the window which reads: {
“Boarding by the day or week.” |
Right below it is a card giving the
baker his instructions which reads:
“No Bread.” -

-
Book Agent—‘“Is the lady of the
house in?” I
Marie—‘“Yes, but she ess in ze
bath.” i
“Book Agent—*‘“Well, tell her]
there is a gentleman out here would
like to see her.”
members of Friend-
ship Fire Company asked me where
the firemen were when Rome burned.
One of the

“Al” Laskewitz said he was out
with a girl the other evening and
she scarcely spoke all evening. One
of the fellows at Ben Groff’s bit and |
inquired why. ‘Al said he was hold-
ing her hands. i
There was a frugal young fellow
A named Bryon,
Of dancing he never would tyre. On
The eve of a dance |
While pressing his pants, i
He burned off one leg with the Yron.
i

to set
After that don’t forget
your hat for the Easter Rabbit.
A WISE OWL.
a pei a {
BER
| after attaining his majority. He has
| engaged in private business and has
in my opinion, because the law is not
enforceable in its present form.
“In Pennsylvania, our citizens have
watched its operation backed by the
full authority of the State. They have
seen money poured out by millions in
the nation. They have seen espionage
of the most offensive character
brought into practice and all to what
avail?
“Law enforcement is breaking down
everywhere. The younger generation
is subjected to moral dangers which
are the direct outgrowth of this con-
dition.
These are not fancied evils,
They are real and everyone knows it.
“If I am not greatly mistaken, the
American people are tired of this con-
dition and of thedndefensible invasion
of their just rights. The laborer, at
the end of a weary day in the mines
or factory, finds himself a criminal if
he takes a glass of beer or light wine,
and yet he knows that the more fa-
vored classes find little difficulty in
having well-stocked wine cellars.
Against this hypoerisy and inequality,
T protest. My candidacy will give an
opportunity to the voters of Pennsyl-
vania to express their views on this
question.
“The people of this State have had
full opportunity to test the value of
extreme prohibition and they know
the result. They were promised a
reign of law and they find widespread
lawlessness; they were promised a
contented and happy people and they
find a people profoundly discontented
and justly irritated; they were prom-
ised the improvement of public mor-
als and, instead, they find the moral
restraints of life broken down.
Against this destruction of law and |
order and true temperance, my candi-
dacy will be a protest.
“The proponents of Volsteadism
everywhere throughout the country
present a unanimity of attitude which
fis enlightening. They admit because |
they must, the failure of enforce- |
ment. Their remedy is more and
greater appropriations and more and
more laws. I believe the time has
come to admit that the present law is
mot enforceable and to change it so
that it can be enforced.
“I stand for the greatest amount of |
[liberty for the people that is eons]
igistent with good government and IL
iam opposed to the enactment of laws |
which unnecessarily curtail and re- |
duce that liberty. As a matter of |
fhelpful enforcement of the real prin-
ciples of the constitutional amend- |
iment, I would advocate a law permit- |
|
iting the sale of light wines and beer.
“I am convinced that such a liber-
jalization of the Volstead Act will not |
only remedy the conditions I have de- |
{seribed, but will in fact, promote true |
|temperance.
“In this statement I am confident
IT express the honest sentiment of all!
|well-informed, unbiased men and |
iwomen who consider this subject with |
an eye single to the greatest good to |
ithe greatest number.” !
Congressman Vare was born on al
farm in the southern part of Philadel-
phia County, 58 years ago. He has
been a member of the United States!
{House of Representatives since 1912. |
The career of Congressman Vare is |
i{llustrative of the opportunities which |
America presents to the bright, ambi- |
|

tious and industrious boy. His father
‘died when he was eleven years old.
A year later the Congressman went |
to work in a department store for a|
salary of $1.50 a week, He later |
worked for a brother in the oil;
business and subsequently became
associated with another brother in
the produce business. Mr. Varese
became politically active immediately
|
been highly successful.
Congressman Vare is married and
has two daughters. He is a member
of many clubs and fraternal organ-
izations, including the Masons, Order
of Mystic Shrine, Patriotic Order
Sons of America. Philadelphia Lodge
No. 2, Benevolent Protective Order of
Elks, the Loyal Order of Moose, Im-
proved Order of Red Men, Friendly
Sons of St. Patrick, Clover Club, Man-
ufacturers’ Club, National Press Club
of Washington, D. C., Lu Lu Temnla
Country Club. Harvev Cedars C'ub,
Young Republicans. Union Republi.
ean and End Republican Clubs,
cf South Philadelrhia, ‘
net GR.
For Sale in Florin
A fine home with all convenienc-
es, such as light, heat and bath.
Property is in excellent condition
and nicely located. Possession
April 1st. This is a corner pro-
perty on Mt. Joy twp. side. Price,
$5,550.00. Call or phone Jno. E.
Schroll, 41R2, Mt. Joy tf
BE
A Very Good Home.
Any one wanting a very well
built home in a good community
should see this. A 64 ft. lot with
an 8-room house, has all conven-
iences, open lawn and property is in
good shape. Possession now and
pay April 1st. See J. E. Sheroll,
Mt. Joy, Phone 41R2. tf
rr lO Qe
Next Community Sale
The next Community Sale” at
the Florin Hall will be held on Sat-
urday, Apr. 3, at: 6 o’clock P. M.
They will sell live stock, imple-
ments, household goods, etc. Don’t
forget the time and place.
lf it
Portuguese Dislike Mistletoe
The Portugresge have a superstitious
dislike for the tletoe and will never
use the plant as & decoration.

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Men's 2-Pant Suits in Light
"and Dark Shades ................ $14.95
Men's Top Coats, just the thing
for Spring; upwards from . $12.95
Young Men's Collegiate Trous-
ers in Light Shades $4.45 : $4.95

Children’s S prin giCoats in
Beautiful Colors, sizes 7 to
14 $4.95 and Up

¢
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Children’s Bonnets and Hats in All
Shades.
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Children’s Rayon Silk Dresses,
Sizes 7to.14 .. ..........
$2.95

Babies’ Spring Coats in Pink, Blue,
Pongee and White.

Juniors’ and Ladies’ Spring Coats;
" very pretty styles in Tweeds, Fur trim-
med. These are very handsome coats.

ARE SO VERY NEW AND BECOMING.

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Young Men's and Boys Silk-
Wool Collegiate Sweaters,
special at nn 93 Ob
Men's Work Trousers at $1.29
$1.95 and $2.45
od

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Boys’ Longies

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Children’s Crepe and Silk Dresses in
all the, New Shades, sizes 7 to 14.
Also Pretty Hats to match the Dresses.
Ladies’ and Misses’ Silk Dresses,
just the thing for Easter. $5,95 Up

Little Boys’ Noyelty Wash Suits,
sizes 4 to 8 bY 98¢ to $2.98
Little Boys’ Spring Coats. Just
like Dad's, sizes 3%to 8 $4.95

Shoes for every member of the family

at prices as low as the lowest.
wm) AE) BE WD Ae

Dr Open Evenings
Sh
& :
elimi seme
5
Cehtified Seed Potatoes
Wethave to offer choice cer-
Growih and Strength
in Baby Chicks
igan Rusgets from the best
source obtainable. The fields
from whichi these potatoes
were grown Were personally
selected by Dr. Nixon and are
free of diseases.
$4.30 per bushel. %
$10.25—4-bag lots.
-
an speed growth in your
And at the same time give
them streng®@ to resist disease.
For Pratts vides their little bodies 0 1/
with such perféd¢ nourishment that they $10.5 2%% bushel g-
thrive. Thorouglly predigested ingredi- PHONE %
ents. Selected an@prepared with the at- Re
tention that food seldom D. M. WOLGEMUTH, Flogin
receives. Tens of lions of pounds are OR WRITE Rk,
made yearly. Not aigound ever sent out
unfit. The biggest sellipg Chick Food iz R. B. ZOOK, R. 1, Mount Joy
the world. mar. 10-tf

Buttermilk Baby Chick Food unconditionally.
Every cent back if your chicks don’t t/: Rg i
AIN STREET
Sold and Guaranteed
H. E. HAUER, Mount Joy,

os Watchmaker—Engraver
h \
The Mt. Joy Bulletin costs only
$1.50 per year. \
ks ’ :
-

7
~~
Ree
tified Irish Cobblers and Mich-|
\!
W. Gorrecht
:
ofr classified ads bring results.
4 3
ept. Stare
Mount Jey, Perna:
55
3
IK
is
HN REBUILT
i REO SPEEDWAGONS
! % Prices Right
“ -
D>

1—1923 ‘Ghevrolet Chassis.
1—Ford Tok, Truck. Run less
| than 500 Miles; price right.
|
CHICKS
For a good | ality of strong.
hearty day-old White Leghorn and
| Red Chicks see us.% Also custom
| hatching. Price reasomgble.

STRICKLFR’S “GARAGE !
MAYTOWN, PA.

er we
2 -
|
Jacob E. Wolge

Ice Cream, Groceries and|Fhone 63R3 MT. JOY,
Coufections
ee | ;
Famous CHigcotague Kaylor s Garage
Salt Oysters
BRANDT BROS.
Mount Joy, Pa. |
>
E SPECIALIZE |
in all styles of
General Auto
RERAIRING
CAR GREASING SPECIALTY
All Kinds of Tires an, Acce
Phone 119R3
CHILDREN'S |
|
|
|
|

i Mount Joy Street
Ny

|
|
Marietta St., Adjoining

. Main| It is a rare thing to
| fect in the eye of a rabbit,
Mila
~