BY FREVI.'.Ii::..I3.4nR,
r_ERJrs
The iliariettian is published weekly,
a t $1 : !O a-year, payable in advance.
office in "Lindsay's Building," near
the p o st office corner, Marietta, Lan
caster county, Pa.
Advertisements will be inserted at the
baoleing rates : One square, ten lines
l es s, 75 cents for the first insertion,
or tA: PP times for $.1:50. Profession
al or Business Cards, of six lines or less,
.$5 a -y e ar. Notices in the reading col
vans, ten cents a-line ; general adter-
Ovules seven cents a-line for the first
Oeition, and for every additional in
scrt:on, four cants. A liberal deduc
tion made to yearly advertisers:
Having put up a new Jobber press
Or d added a large addition of job . type,
Ms, border, etc., will enable. the estab,
lislunen' to execute every descriptiOniof
blitz and Fancy Printing, from `t - he
! oiliest card to the largest poilet, at
shat notice and reasonable rates.
BRIFFON & MUSSER'S a
MU' HOG STORE,
Narket Street, Marietta; Pa.
lismos & Mrsima, successors to lik• F.
Pi;:idc, will continue the h6iness at the , old
eiA, where they are daily receiving additions
tu ;heir stock, which are received from the
tat reliable importers and manufacturers.
114 , vould respectfully ask a liberal glare
of leldic patronage.
They are now prepared to supply the de
mudi of the public with everythingln their
inc of trade. Their stock of •
DitUGS AND MEDICINES
U /*SW AND YORE, HAVING JUST ARRIVED.
?to Vines ana Kt4llol's
FON AJEDICINAL USES ONLY,
L THE POPULAR PATENT. MEDICINES.
Staffs of all kinds, Fancy and Toilet Ar
;Wes al every kind, Alcoholic and Fluid'
Es.tracts, Alealuiii and ftesinuids, all
tiie best Trusses, Abdominal Sup=
rtesa,tilinulder traces, Breast
rumps, Nipple Sella and
;shields, Nursing Bottles,
A large rupply of
lAT, 101 R, TOOTH, NAIL AND CLOTHES BRUSHES.
routh Pow& r and Pastes, Oils, Perfumery,
scope, Cwram, Hair Dyes, Invigorators, &c.;
I morn, Shades,,Chinineys, Wick, &c,
Irpirlans supplied at reasonable rates.
!ird:zints and Ptescriptions carefully and ae
rs.swiy compounded all hours of the day and
Ngt.t. oy Charles H. Britton, Pharmaceutist,
1+1.3 will ray especial attention to this blanch
rI the business. Having had over ten years
rac col Experience id the drug business
ena
ll'rn to guarantee entire satisfaction to all
mhy patronize the nevv . firm.
UAGSON'S Compound Syrup of Tar, on
hod and fur dMe.
A ;arge supply of School Books, Stationary,
&c.. always, on hand.
SUNDAW HOURS: .
oil (Yitsbar ). Judges, IX -13.: Should
I leave my wine ( Tirosh) and go to 13 - e
promoted over other trees," &c. It is
plainly to be seen then that the term
wine which has been thus rendered
from Tirosh mean' thtfruit of the vine
.and not-.a liquid, as seine would suppose.
In our next we shall look at the ether
_
AND UNDERTAKieII, MARIETTA, PA I two terms. I. S. G.
Frain 8 to 10, o. m.,-12 to 2, awl 6to 6 p. m
o.arles H. Britton.. 4. 411uszer
4atis Us, Octabor 20, 1866. 11-tf
JACOB LI)MART, JR.
CABINET :VIAKEA
mom,
WOULD moat respectfully take this meth
od of informing the citizens of Marietta
kal the public in general, that, having laid in
i lot of seasoned Lubber, is now prepared to
toitofacture all kinds of
CABINET FURNITURE,
every style and variety, at short notice
He has on hand lot of Furniture of his own
iunufactuie, Nubian for fine ,finish and good
iuon,:naniihip, will rival any City make.
113 - Especial attention paulto repairing.
lie Is also now prepared to attend, in all its
hushes, the UNDERTA.KiNG buainess, be
ing supplied with an excellent Ilene, large
and Brno,' 1 Bier'', Cooling Fos, &c.
L!fr COFFINS finished in any style—plain
or costly.
Wire Itonm and Manufactory, near. Mr.
new building, ,near the , tUpper-Sta-
Hl," m ar i e t la , P a . , [Oct. 22,..
IL L. 6. E. J. ZAHATI;
eweler's ! •
Corner o f N ov a Queen-St.. \Vi-:
and Centre Square; Lancaster, Pa.
are prepared tp sell Arneilean 'and
„„ &vibe Watches at the lowest . cash_rates!
" buY directly from the.importers and.lvlan
!ifteturers, and can, and do sell Witebesas
3 ° l / as they can be bought in- Plitladilphis.or
,„
n iAr•Yoric. •"••• '
ii fine stock- of :Jocks, Jewelry, Spectacles,
Surer and Silver-plated yra/e ,- P 91 ./a tantl Y on
land. Every article fairly represented.
dls. J. 2' ARAM
Corner North Queen
,Street and CentroAnsgre
LANCASI'ER,
First National Bank of. Manetta.
THIS BANKING ASSKIATION
HATING COMILIET.ED„/TS CIDPAMPiAIf4A 1
ilium proposed to transact all
,Itie4a of,
BANKING BUSINESS.
Wednesday,
Board of Directors at t weekly, OD
wednesday. for discount and other: business
Qr auk Nowt FIOM 9A.AI to 3 P.M.
J Oil N H CLUNG VII, - PIIEBIDENT.
AMOS BOWMAN, Cashier.
DR. J.Z. HOFF.Eat,
DENTIST,
OF BALTIMORE COLLEGE
lila lib op DietiTiaL
LATE OF HARRIS)3pW}.
OFFICF.:—Front street, next door to It
Williams' Drug Store, between Locust
thd Walnut streets. Columbia.
1 - I:tia.3Kle;"
Physician and Surgeon.
iiAV IN G removed to ColnmbiseT9etir
brace this opportunity - of Inlorplug /1 1
"Haar patients and tamilies in Blikrie,u4 .
li tinitY, that he Can still be conitilted daily
labia °Mee in Marietta, betraontbajiol4l °
laud 3 o'clock,
.1 0 .. M.
Marietta, February 9, 4 67 .4.
I YON'S PericiaiianNip
male Pills. TAe Lau% ./tßulso
EMS
'There are three , Elebrew words which
are rendered into the English term Mine,
they are Tirosh, Yain and Shockar.
Our object in this article is to show
that the term, Tirosh, rendered .wine,
does not mean a liquid but the fruit of
the vine. The term occurs, according to
Rev. Wm. Ritchie, thirty-eight times in
the Scriptures, and is invariably spoken
of as a blessing, not a syllable is uttered
against its use, iu the whole Book of
God, and who does not know that the
fruit of the vine is a blessing? and if
Tirostils the fruit of the vine it must be
a solid and, not a liquid. Ist. The
Phrase, " corn and wine and oil " occurs
in Scriptures quite frequently, the He
brPw term for corn is Dagan, and com
,prehends a large variety of the produce
of the tield, such as wheat, rye, barley,
'l). , ans,•cucumbers, 'ie., nil of which" are
solids.
Yitshar, the Hebrew term rendered
"oil," signifies orchard finite, eornpre
hen,ding figs, olives, pomegranates, &c.,
all of, these .are solids. May we then
not also infer that Tirosh rendered
wine is the name of solids? Particular
ly when we find it associated with Du
gan thirty times, and with Yitshar twen
ty-one times, while it occurs only six
times inconnected with either of these
terms. Itameins to us almost impossi
ble to account for this almost uniform
association of Tirosh with each of the
other terms, unless, upon the supposi
tion that it agrees in character with
.them and hence denotes's solid.
But besides this we never find the
term associated with objects or acts,
which would indicate it to be a liquid, it
never is spoken of in connection with
bottles, or cops, •or pots. It, is never
spoken of as poured out or used as a
fluid. We might refer to numerous
passages to indicate this, but we shall
not have the space to do so. We shall
refer yon to but a few, and would ad
. vise all to secure Ray. Wm. Ritohies'
valuable hook on "Scriptural tAstimou,"
from which we have gathered these fucte.
Ist- in Dent, XL-14, it is spoken of as
gathered "Thou shalt gather in thy corn
( Dugan'), thy wine ( Tirosh). arid thy
A. FEW WORDS ON SQUEEZING.— WhiI e
we are growing very sensible indeed in
the matter of dress, as far as boots, Bal
moral skirts, warm stockings and high
necks, we are degenerating in some oth
er matters quite as important. The
,corset is now a necessary part of a wom
an's wardrobe ; also 1 %hen a woman
does begin to wear corsets, she will
wear them to small, and will tug at the
laces until her breath becomes short,
and she feels it necessary to refrain from
anything like a comfortable meal.
We say nothing against a well-shaped
corset worn loose, but there lies the
difficulty.—A loose corset injures the
appearance of the figure, instead of im
proving it, and people wear corsets that
they may have small waists. All we can
say is:don't squeeze, whatever you do ;
you may .have small waists, but you are
exposing yourself to a dozen misfortunes
which are as bad as a large waist. First
you'l surely have dyspepsia, and grow
yellow end cross and unhappy ; secondly,
your bands will grow red ; thirdly, your
nose ; fourthly, you will be unable to
walk a mile at once ; fifthly dinner will
be. a misery ; sixthly, your shoulder
blades will increase in size and altitude;
seventhly, your eyes wilLgrow . -weak;
sightly, you will break down at thirty or
there-about, and be a sickly old woman
from that time forth. If these-truths do
not frighten women from tight corsets,
perhaps the information that gentlemen
generally do not admire what dress-ma
kers call-a "pretty figure" . as mach est a
natural one, may have some influence. .
An enterprising` keeper of a con-
factjapary, in Waterbury,. coon., has
taught a parrot , to say "pretty creature"
to each person . that enters the store.
The result is that the store is crowded
•
all day.
Or.." Will you have some catsup ?"
Asked a gentleman of Aunt Priscilla at
a dinnir table. ."Dear irte, no r she re
flied -with a shudder; I'm fond of caw
iwtheit places, but I should as soon thjpk
of,,em,dog ; soup t" The gentlemen
dill ao► Jule bor.
(111 1
tft , .
• - cx .) . •., ,
e ••• 4I LIMS
_.•
The Seriptgre. Term Wine:
Art ainbtpukut Velinsglhania Purim'. lox t o Nome rtie.
MARIETTA, PA., SATURDAY, MARCH. 16, 1867.
Stewart and Astor.
A. T. Stewart is not. what 18 .called a
liberal man. - ' He seldotn: looks at a sub
•cription paper. He has little sympathy
with vagrancy. Men and women who
seek his , presence seldom gain much by
an interview, if money is the object. In
deed it is very difficult to gain access to
him in any way. He is intensely devo
ted to bus ness, and works more hours,
probably, than any merchant in New-
York. lie controls his own affairs with
despotic sway. His partners have no
enontrol over the business, but are in
tereeted merely is the profits. He buys
and sells as he pleases, without cousult
fug any one. In his down town 'store
he has a small office where he spends his
time from early business hours till dark.
No man goes up stairs without running
a gauntlet.
A gentleman meets all comers at the
lower door with "What is your business,
sir ?" "I want to see Mr. Stewart." 1. 1
must know your business or you evanot
see him." "My business is private—l
want to see Mr. Stewart personally."
Stewart has no private business,
sir. Unless you tell me what you want ,
Mr. Stewart will not see , you.' If the
response is satisfactory he is allowed to
go upstairs.
Here he is met by another gentleman,
and pot through another rigid examina
tion. The usher disappears behind a
glass partition. Soon Mr. Stewart will
be seen peering at the. visitor. If he
likes his.looks he admits him ; if not be
sends him away. No man who has run
the ordeal once will do it a second time
without a cause. But, on great occas
ions, the donations of Mr. Stewart aro
princely. He proposes now to devote
millions to build houses for the poor.
If the city refuges to give the site, he
will still carry out his clap.
Ualik* Mr. Stewart, William B. As
tor is always accessible. His rooms are
on Prince street, a door or two from
Broadway. They are the same that were
occupied by his father. He has e: fi out
and a back office where the business of
his great estate is carried on. The door
is wide open between the two offices. A
person asking for Mr. Astor, is directed
to the rear room at once. At a common
desk, crowded with papers!, site a Ger
man-looking man, about seventy, heavi
ly moulded, tall and stout. His eyes
which are small with an expression bor
baring on stupidity, are fastened on the
visitor, and Mr. Astor awaits his utter
ances. He wastes no words. His ans
wers are yes, or no, with an air that ad
mits of no debate. All the day long,
from ten to five, Mr. Astor sits in 'his
office and sees all comers. He is man
ter of his business. Lie knows the rent
of every house, the duration of every
lease, the times and terms of payment,
with every foot of land. At five o'clock
be rises, with a slow and sluggish gait
turns into Broadway, and walks to La
fayette place, where he resides, for din
ner. He has two sons, John Jacob, and
William B. Jr. These young min are
in business with, their father. No bank_
era in New-York attend more closely to
their calling. They walk down Broad.
way in the morning and up at night with
the great throng of business men, as if
they, in common with so many others
had a fortune to make. Much of the
tact and shrewdness of their grandfather
attaches to them. They cross the old
proverb that wealth does not descend to
the third generation. *Besides what they
have inherited, they have made a fortune
of their own, and should their father die
to-morrow, they hafe :the hides
try, end. adaptedness to business - to
maintain the honor of the name and car
ry on the estate in their father's style.
They are modest, retiring, and without
iffectation. John Jacob is tall, large,
heavily built, with sandy hair and coin
plexiob,' resembling his father. lie
went to the field 1861;:and' diAk.good
servize for . the national cause. William
B. jr„ is tall and : slim, with black hair.
of a genteel build, and is said td resem
ble his mother.
,
_ Five chickens were recently
found rooStiblui)on the iron connecting
the brakee,Of n railway car, in which po
sitiOn -they had ridden from Louieville
to Nashvklle. They could not have done
that on the Camden, and 'Amboy road
If they had the conductor would have
been discharged for leaving them ride
•
free.
fir A contemporayyfinads an. Article
on '!Lilting hoops' bt onlikng Ditc!o;
sures!' 11e ;; trobAbjy meant ''Stocking
Disclosures!'
erhij k ,orithmeticiartaayr &girl _ti lt a
gam "haaaba eigt,f4plan •
ToHaire on Marriage.
Vohive said, "'1 be more married
men Yon'have, 'the fewer crimes there!
will be. Marriages render a man more'
virtuous and more wise. A man un
married is but half able to make things
right"; and it . cannot be expected that
in this imperfect state he can keep the
straight path of rectitude any more than
a boat with one oar, or a bird with one
wing, can keep a
,straight course. In
nine cases out of ten where married men
become drtinkards, or where they com
mit crimes against the peace of the
community, the foundation of these acts
was laid while in the single state, or
where the wife is, as is sometimes the
case, an unsuitable match. Marriaze
changes the current of a - rnan's feelings
and gives him a centre for his thoughts,
his affections and his acts. Here is a
home for the entire man, and the inter
est of his better half keeps hini from
erratic courses, and from falling into
thousand temtations to which he would
otherwise be exposed. Therefdre the
friend ,to marriage is the friend o—f-socie
ty and' of his country."
SELECTIONS POP. A NEWSPAPER.—An ex
change says : "Most people think that
the selection of matter for a newspaper
is the easiest part of the business. - How
greatan error. To look over fifty ex
change papers, from, which to select
enough for one, is no easy task, especial
ly when it is not what shall be selected.
Every subscriber takes the paper for his
benefit; and if there is nothing in it that
suits him,. it must be stopped—it is good
for ,nothing. Just as many subscribers
as-an editor may have, so, many tastes he
has to, consult. One wants anecdotes,
fun and frolic, and the next one wonders
why a man of good sense will put such
staff in his newspaper. Next comes
something argumentative, and"the editor
is a dull fool. Something spicy comes
out, and he is'a blackguard. And so
between them all, you see, the poor fel
low gets rbughly handled, They do not
think that what does not please them
pleases the next man ;=but they insist
that if the paper does not please theM it
is worth nothine." •'
TUE I)UTCII.IIAN'S PA REN PAL DISCP
.
PLINII-H ere is a story with a very per
sonal application.:
"Shoo, mine Shot)," said a worthy
German father to his' heir of- -ten years
whom he had overhear using profane lan
guage, "Shan, mine Short ! come here,
-an' Drill tell you von little stories. Now
mine:Shon, shall it pe a drue story, or a
made pelieve ?'
, "0, a-tree.story,of course," answered
John.
!Terry veil, den. .Dare vas -.vonce. a.
gout nice old shentleman, (Shoost like I)
andtr he had von little poy (shoost like.
you). Andt von day he hearn him
shweariug like a young villin, and he
vas. So he vent to der winkle (corner,)
andt took out a cow hide, "(shoost 'as I
am doing now), and hdtc;iik der dirty
little plackguard by de collar, (shoost die
vay yOu site); and vallaped him (shoost
so). And den, mine dear Shon, he- pull
his ears (dis vay) and' smack his face,
(dat vay), and tell him to go mitont his
sapper, shoost as you rill do dis efening."
ALWAYS SPEAK THE TKUTEI.-"AS I
- -
grow older," •
says a distinguished preach- -
er, "I do not recede from a sense of the
need of theology, but I intensify in my
conception of the need of , the simple
virtues as they are called, and of no
more than that of truth, not ciply io the
inward parts, tint, ontwardly iu the work.
The habit of yes. yea, and nay, nay, is
but very poorlylon:tied in thiacountry.
All throughout the national character,
the habit of pot waiting to think before
using words, the habit of saying one
thing and meaning another, the habit
of equivocation, of half.speaking, of sup
pressions, is fearfully, preyalent. Aod I
hold that among the things that should
„occupy the attention of Sabbath-schools
ankemmon schools and pulpits is the
tostftrination Of this people in the ne
ceirjity simplicity and "beauty o
wogking
„truth
.•
our When a woman won't ? she won't.
Yon can't farce them to do anything.
Indeed, the most of them are very much
like the old man's yyofe.,. who he said,
was a woman of en flinch coutrabrinc-
Con that, whit) she took if compinion of
her own,
, there was no such thing as
consegitentinning' her." • '
A lady you r shows
great, - anxiety; on the subjeOt of the deli
cacy of year health and the badness of
the weather, you be sure be ;is
: 4 .
.4 0 -_,?Tik li kt i re: ~4~ dodo raj
,ffialui Tanis yoitmith
I ,`.O, TF6rWiVe,SO
Little wives, if ever a half-suppressed! I
sigh finds place with , you, or a half un t li
ovine word'eadipeayon to the husband
whom, you love, let your heart go butt
to some tender word in those first love
days; remember how you loved him
then, how tenderly he woad ,you, how
timidly you responded, and, if.you an
feel you,have not grown unworthy irust
him for the same good love now. And
if you do feel that you have become less
loveable and attractive than you then
were, turn--by all that you love on earths
or hope for in heaven—turn bat and be
the pattern of loveliness that won him
be the "dear one" your attractions made
you then. Be the gentle, loving, win,
niog maiden still ; and doubt not the
lover you admired will live forever in
your husbanii. Nestle by his side, cling
to his love, and let his confidence in you
never fail ; and my word for it, the hus,
band will be dearer than the lover never
was. Above all things do . not forget
the love he , gave Jou first.. Dp not seek
to "ernanciplite" yourself; do not strive
to unsex yourself
_and become a Lupv
Stone or a Rev. Miss Brown ; but love'
the higher honor Ordained by our Sav
iour of old-that of a loving :wife. A
happy wife, a blessed mother, can 'have
no higher station—needs uo greater bon-
WEAR A Saima.—Which will you do,
smile and make others happy, or be Crab
bed and make everybody around 7ou
miserable ? Yon can live among flow
ers and singing ,birds, or in the mire
surrounded by fog and frogs., The
Amount of happiness which you can
produce is incalculable if you will show
a smiling fri"ce, a kind heart and speak
pleasant words. On the other hand, by
sour looks, cross words, and a fretful dis
position, you can make hundreds unhap
py beyonclendurance. Which will you
do ? Wear a pleasant countenance, let
joy beam in your eye and love glow . .on
your forehead. There is no, joy el? great
as that which springs from a kind actor
or a, pleasant deed,, and you may feel it
at night when you rest, and in the morn
ing when you rise, and through the day
when about your daily business.
1.0 PArdon's Digest , of the Laws
of Pennsylvania, a vagrant is defined as
a " person going from door to door, or
placing themselves in streets, highways
or other roads, to 'beg or gather alms,
and all , other persona wandering about
or begging." Section 2d of the. vagrant
law declares that" It shall and May be
lawful for any justice of the peace of the:
county where such idle and disorderly
persons shall be found, to commit such
offenders (being thereof legallY convict
ed before him, on his own View, or by
the confession of such offenders; or-by
the oath,or affirmation, of one or r more
creditable witness or, witnesses) to the
workhouse of said county, if such there
be, otherwise-to-the common jail of the
county, there to be kept at hard labor. -
by the 'keeper of such work-house or-jail'
for any time not exceeding one month."
The 3d section makes it the duty olthe
constables to carry oat , the provisions of
the act. The , 14,w is plain and < clear,
and if it is properly enforced the vagrant
nuisance would soon be abated.
or A little girl of three years, , who
•
had disobeyed her parents, was ordered
to go and sit on the cellar stairs for
punishment. The little thing obeyed,
and after she had been seated there for
some time, her father opened the door
and as i kedther , if , she was:not ashamed ?
The little girl replied,„"Yes;" < "What
are you ashamed of ?" asked her father.
She ropkied, "I am ashamed of my pa."
The kind-hearted father appreciated the
answer, and released her frOmter impris
.
onment.
sr President Finney, of Oberlintlate
ly prayed for the President: "Oh Lord ;
f then cans ma nage him,.Withent 'Crush
ing him, spare him, otherwi l Se'drOili•
This reMinds the kochester Union of a
preacher who - prayed for on unjust neigh
bor : "Oh Lott take John 'Smith by the
Ellar.k. pride, breeches, and shake him ov
er hell ; ,bat, don't Arep r
A WISE Excuse.—On one occasion,
at a dinner at the Bishop of Chester'e,
Hannah Moore urged.'Dr. ...II:Meson: to
take a little wine. He.replied.:.."lcan't
drink :a little, and thereforej never touch
it. Abstinence is as easy to me.,as tem
perance it:s:lo'4 be Mg nit." Merry,have
the came infirmity, but are destitute of
01, same 90,9yage, and P4:e.r4o•Ff 4 9 1 14 N
ineoi. •
Or Ia ii-not atraw-that all our black.'
- dratthEr are arisial4iliiiiioir-ildrtiitrik."
VOL. 32.
takesnine tailors f .to.make a man,'
but one is e t nough to ruin him.
Ladies,should make good traders.
They.raraly : get •shaved. _
If '"Union is strength;" what is a lit"
tle whisky and plenty of water.
`Never confide in a young man ; new
Foils leak. Never tell your secret to
the aged ; old doors seldom shut closely.
Why is a mad bull an animal of coo
vivial di sposition? Because he offers
every one he meets a qorn."
Other goods may have declined, but
the rise in'hoop "skirts on the streets is
at times quite startling.
It is no breach of etiquette for a lady
to decline a gentlemen's proffered hand if
she is liable to soil her glove.
Why, is an unsuccessful oil-borer like
an Eldvertised wife ? Because he left his
bed and bored for parte unknown.
It is said some mothers have grown
so affectionate that they give their chil
dren chloroform
_previous to whipping
them.
Why did "the monks of old" laugh so
much:? Because the convents were al•
ways full of sells.
A coffin-maker having apartments to
let, posted his bill, announcing the same,
upon a coffin : "Lodgings for single gen
tlemen."
A Bankrupt friend of ours the other
day. was condoled for his embnrassmebt.
'Oh, I am not embarrassed at all, it's
my creditors that are embarrassed."
Some on a kick—Samho's patriarchal
Turkey. After his wife had "biled him
three hours, he gib a crow and kicked
six: pounds o' taters out ob de pot."
An exchange says that it is just as sen
sible 6- move to undertake to get mar
ried without courting, as to attempt to
Succeed in business without advertising.
After the clergyman had united a hap
py pair not long ago, an awful Silgtice
enaued, which was broken by an import
.
antyouth exclaiming "Don't be so un
speakable happy."
''o, dear, Mr. Tracy ; you jest when
yoia say my baby is the handsomest one
-you ever saw ; you must be soft-soaping
it., "Well, madam. I thought it needed
soap of some kind."
"I am afraid, dear wife, that while I
am gone absence will conquer love."
"Oh, never fear my dear husband; the
longer you stay away the better I shull
like you."
Marriage resembles a pair of shears,
says Sydney Smith, so joined that they
minuet he_sepapitpd, often moving in
opposite directions, yet always punishing
any : one.who eomes between them.
• "Johnny," said a doating mother to
her somewhat insatiable boy, "can you
eat that plum pudding with impunity 7"
"I don't know, ma," quoth the young
hopeful,."but guessi can with a spoon."
"Do you know Mr. Brown 7" "Yes,
my dear." "Is tie not a very deserving
man?" "YAP, he - deserves a flogging,
and'if he ever gallants you home again,
will give it to him." Exit wife in a
fright.
. .
/A druggist sent his Irish porter into
&darkened cellar; soon after, bearing a
noise, he went to the opening and called
out : Patrick, keep your eyes shinned I'
"Och I niver mind an eye," roared Pat,
"but it's my, nose, that's skint entirely."
schoolmasimin a Western village
where the custom of "boarding round"
prevaig recently received notice from
I a Dutch matron that she "would eat him,
but couldn't sleep him" Be will dosibt
less be careful not
to venture within
her reach.
.1
"My son," said Spriest; senior to
SpriAlee junior, thinking to enlighten
the boy on the propagation of the hen
. species,- " do- you know that chickens
`come out of eggs ?
"Do they ?" said Sprigles junior, lick
'log" his plate. "I thought eggs came ont
of chichens."
PED . Vl7 el , sir, what does
spell ?"
Iloy 77 "Don't know."
Pedagogue—" What have you got on
your head '?"
Boy—"I guess it's a skeeter bite—it
Itches likn thunder."
Robert. C. Sands sued for damages
in a case of breach of promise of marri
age. He was offered two hundred
pounds to heal his broken heart "Two
hundred 1 .7 he exclaimed ; "two hundred
for ruined. hopes, a blasted life I two
'hundred tic) hundred for ruined hopes
.a 'blasted fife 1 Two hundred for all
Aim? Itite-zineverl Malta. it thretiboo -
&tat anttlta a a:twat:F."
II