BY FRED'K L. BAKER.
r.g_E);r6.
The ilfariettian is published weekly,
It $1:60 a-year, payable in advance.
Ace in "iindsay's Building," near
I ; e Post ofAT corner, Marietta, Lan
yster county, Pa.
idrertisements will be inserted at the
i,lhneirn7 rates : One square, ten lines
4, ss , cents for the first insertion,
three, times for $1:50. Profession
,t or Business Cards, of six lines or less,
far. Notices in the reading col
,,,os.ten cents a-line ; general adver
?:,,ements seven cents a-line for the first
. o ltion, and for every additional in
,rl;..p, four cents. A liberal dedue
!,,n mode to yearly vertisers.
Ilr;ny put up anew Jobber press
,„J added a large addition of job type,
border', etc., will enable the estab
,:„,mciit to execute every description of
and Fancy Printing, from the
; ;.:P,:wf card to the largest
„ poster, at
„ r t p o t; ee and reasonable rates.
0
0 VERY 04 3?
.. it.F 4-E9 -NP 11.5.4 ;1P
s4 9 '
4 4 , o Tot
o
to: 4 vs
•ig
~,tuttm
The HOWE Sewing Machines,
(l 1 Broadway, New-York.
tilt FAMILIES ez. MANUFACTURERS.
EHOWt'LOCK STITCH
Ilenoineo sebilv lifrAines.
Were awarded the highest premium at
It - e: ii - or-N'B Fair' in E on dnn, and
aii
,fir d. premiums at the N. Y.
State Fair 0f11366, and •
Are celebrated fur doing the best work, using
moth snialier needle for the same thread
Oui any other machine, and by the introduc-
Iwo of the most approved machinery, we are
tow able to supply the very best machines in
tie world. Then machines are made at our
ott.t spacious Factory at Bridgeport, Conn.
ul!or the notnediata sonervision of the Presi
4eul .f Company, ELI AS HOWE, Jr., the
di , tittl in , color of the Sewing Machine.
nu% are adapted to all kinds of Family Sew
-4,4, Aron , Clothing, and to the use of Seam
uresns, Dress makers, Tailors, Manufactur
h,uf Shirts, Collate, Skirts, Cloaks, Mantil
flats, Caps, Corsets, Boots,
hotness, Saddles, Linen Goods, Urn
'Parasols, etc. They :yolk equally
, 01 upon silk, linen, . woolen and cotton
a , de with silk, cotton, or linen thread. They
tucl smut, quilt, gather, hem, fell, cord, braid,
and perform every species 'of sewing,
1,:14 m g a beautiful and perfect stitch, alike on
loio sides of the articles sewed.
Tile Stitch invented by :Mr. HOWE, and
reAc su this machine, is the most popular
,11 amble, urol all Sewing Ilia chime are sub
le the principle invented by him.
SEND FOR A CIRCULAR.
AGENTS WANTED.
Tin.: Howe:PrlAcsirr IC COMPANY,
9 Broadway', Car. Fourth-St., New-York
February 23 , 1867.•6m.3
PATTERSON & CO.,
NO. 663 MARKET STREET,
MARIETTA, PA.
D EA LERS IN
FOREIGN & DOMESTIC
HARDWARE.,
constantly on hand a full stock of 13ti
,4"g Material, Nails,
LOCKS, HINGE'S,
L A,SS, PAINTS, OILS, WHITE LEAD, A
ilel'Ettloll ANTIGEN OF ()BURNT, &C.,
IR,O N: Rolled and Hammered
Iron, Steel, Horse-Shoes Bar,
`eiway Nail Rods, Hoop and Band Iron,
Horse-Slior Nails, Bolts, Files, Rasps, etc.
HOUSE-KE.EPIAG GOODS.
VinsT-CLAss COOKING
L ND P ABLOR STOVES, RANGES,;
Tubs, Churns, Cedar Stands,
Wash Boards,' Buckets,
Kuives and Forks,
Plated and Metal s c Spoons, •
wk irons, Kraut Cutters; Waiters, Brass as i
CoPper Kettles Clothes Wringers, Pane,
huh Ladles, Meat Stands, Coal Oil
Lamps, Shades and Lanterns, Tea
Scales, Coffee Mills, Painted
pork a, Chamber Setts, &c., tkc.
0 , Shovels, Hoes, Spades, Horse Brushes
Wheel Grease, Fish, Sperm and Lubric Oils,
Cistern Pumps, Long and Short Traces.
T , i.e3 / 4 1 t hains, &c. &c.
" 0 L S: Hind sand Wood Saws, Hatchet',
' llo Psing and Band Axes, Planes, Chisselet.
',Nem and Auger Bits, Braces, Prunning
..,.. 00 Its and Shears, &c., &c.
' Ran 4111 for - past patronage, we hope to merit
i,114 receive a contimance of the same.
PATTERSON a. CO
3 D-,0
Physician and Surgeon.
AVING removed to Columbia, would em
brace this opportunity of informing his
aet Patients and families in Marietta and
nt '" , tY, that he can still be consulted daily,
h 's Mike in Marietta, between the hours of
.42,j13 o'clock, P. M.
3larietta, February 9, 1867.-tf.
I-I
S. TROUT, M. D,,
ers his professional services to the citizens
of Marietta and vicinity.
, Orrice:—ln the Rooms formerly occupied
Ur. P. Hinkle, hiarket-st., Marietta.
.L kinds of Blanks printed and for sale
It
THIS OFFICE.
:/t'-_:)f -- ,'ari s '*.:-..'_. - . ::: .'"._,+. . 411:,,.
it BRITTON & MUSSER'S if
FAMILY DRUG STORE
Market 'Street, Marietta, Pa.
BRITTON & MUSSER ' Successors to Dr. F.
Finkle, will continue the business at the old
stand, where they are daily receiving additions
to their stock, which are received from the
moat reliable importers and manufacturers.
They would respectfully ask a liberal share
of public patrOnage.
They are now prepared to supply the de
mands of the public with everything in their
line of trade. Their stock of
• DRUGS AND MEDICINES
IS FRESH AND FURE, HAVING JUST ARRIVED.
lure ailines Ana 11-iguas
FOR MEDICINAL USES ONLY,
ALL THE POPULAR PATENT MEDICINES.
Dye Staffs of all kinds, Fancy and Toilet Ar
ticles of every kind, Alcoholic and Fluid
Extracts, Alcaloid and Resinoids, all
the best Trusses, Abdominal Sup
porters,Shoulder Braces,Breast
Pumps, Nipple Shells and
'Shields, Nursing Bottles,
A large supply of
HAT, HAIR, TOOTH, NAIL AND CLOTHES BRUSHES.
Tooth Powder and Pastes, 'Oils, Perfumery,
Soaps, Combs, Hair Dyes, Invigorators, &c.;
Coal Oil, Lamps, Shades, Chimneys, Wick, &c,
Physicians supplied at reasonable rates.
Medicines and Prescriptions carefully and ac
curately compounded all hours of the day and
night, by Charles H. Britton, Pharmaceutist,
who will pay especial attention to this branch
of- the business. • Having bad over ten years
practical experience in the drug business ena
bles hint to guarantee entire satisfaction to all
who may patronize the neyv firm.
HASSON 7 9 Compound Syrup of Tar, on
hand and for sale.
. .
A largo supply of School Books, Stationary,
' tic.. always on hand.
SUNDAY HOURS:
From 8 to 10, a. m.,-1.2 to 2, and 5 to 6 p. m
Charles H. Britton. A. _Musser
Marietta, October 20, 1866. 11-tf
IA COB LIBRART, JR
CABINET MAKER
AND UNDERTAKER, MARIETTA, PA
1 111111Mit
OULD must respectfully take this s metlt
WOULD
of informing the citizens of Marietta
and the public in general, that, having laid in
a lot of seasoned Lumber, is now prepared to
mitimfacture` air kinds of
CABINET FURNITURE,'
in every style and variety, at short notice
He has on hand a lot of Furniture of his own
manufacture, which for fine finish and good
workmanship, will rival any City make.
10- Especial attention paid to repairing.
lie is also now prepared to attend, in all its
branches, the UNDERTAKING business, be
ing supplied with an excellent Herse, arge
and small Biers, Cooling Box, &c.
11:P COFFINS finished in any style—plair
or costly.
Ware Room and Manufactory, near Mr.
Duffy's 114'W building, near the " Upper-Sta
ion," Marietta, Pa. [Oct. 22.
11. L. kE. J. GAHM,
Awipleies,
niCurner of North Queen-St., .ArtiF'
•
and Centre Square, Lancaster, Pa.
E are prepared to sell American and
VV Swiss Watches at the lowest cash rates!
We buy directly from the Imparters and Man
ufacturers, and can, and do sell Watches as
low as they can be bought in Philadelphia or
New-York.
A fine stock of Mocks, Jewelry, Spectacles,
Silver and Silver-plated ware constantly no
hand. Every article fairly represented.
IL L. le E. J. ZAHMS•
Corner North Queen Street and Centre Square
LANCASTER, PA.
First National Bank of Marietta.
THIS BANKING ASSOCIATION
fIAVING COiIPLETED ITS ORGANIZATION
is now prepared to transact all kinds of
BANKING BUSINESS-
The Board of Directors al t weekly, on
Wednesday, for discount and other business
lErn:4 ank /fours : From, 9A.Xto3 P. X.
JOHN HOLLINGER, PRESIDENT.
AMOS BOWMAN, Cashier.
DR. J. Z. HOFFER,
DENTIST,
OF THE BALTIHOGE COLLEGE
leiWass. OF DENTAL SURGERY,
LATE OF HARRISBURG.
OF F I C E:—Front street, next door to R
Williams' Drug Store, between Locust
and Walnut streets, Columbia.
D ANIEL G. BAKER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
LANCASTER, PA.
OFFICE :—No. 24 NORTH, Dug.F.'S:ran=
opposite the Court House, where he will at
tend to the practice of his profession in all its
various branches. .
"VSTorrail,
Surgeon Dentist, ;4" - - 4 ,z-z
a
MARKET STREET, ADJOINING "I
Spangler & Rich's Store, second floor,
MARIETTA, PA.
MARK THE SEASON!
Another arrival of those incomparable Gas
Burning Parlor Stoves. Also,
THE IMPROVED VULCAN HEATER.
Call and see them at .T. SPANGLER'S.
IA TTENTION! SPORTSMEN ! I i
Eley's Gun Caps, Eley's.Gun Wadds,
Dupont's Sporting and Glazed Duck Ppwder
Baltimore Shot; Shot Pouches, Powder Flasks,
sold at ' JOHN SPANGLE.WS. ,
ENAMEL OF AMERICA, for beautifying
the complexion, softening the skin, 're
moving tan, freckles and pimples.
Sale at Dr. Landis' "Golden Mortar."
DR. li. LANDIS is the sole agent for the
Sale of MISIILER'S BITTERS, in the
Borough of Marietta. For sale at the
GOLDEN MORTAR.
A LARGE LOT OF RUNE WINDOW .
SHADES at remarkably low prices—
to close out JOHN SPANGLES.
tirol3 PRINTING of every description ex
eeuted with neatness and ditipetch at the
taco of The IVlariettian.
n36tpultut Vttiusgitania *End tior i eNome 'Link
MARIETTA, PA., SATURDAY, MARCH 2, 1867.
Young Grimes,
Old Grimes is dead—that good old man,
We ne'er shall see him more ;
But he has left a son who bears
The name that old Grimes bore.
He wears a coat of latest cut,
His hat is new and gay
He cannot bear to view distress,
So turns from it away.
His pantitare gaiters—fitting snug
O'er patent leather shoes;
His hair is by a barber curled—
He smokes cigars and chews.
A chain of massive gold is borne
Above his flashy vest;
His clothes are better every day
Than. were old Grimes' best.
In Fashion's court he constant walks,
Where he delight doth shed ;
His hands are white and very soft,
But softer is his head.
Hays six feet tall—no post mars straight—
His teeth are pearly white ;
In habits he is sometimes loose,
And sometimes very tight.
His manner is of sweetest grace,
voice of softest tone;
His diamond pin's the very one
That old Grimes used to own.
His dyed moustache adorn his face,
His neck a scarf of blue ;
He sometimes goes to church for chance,
And sleeps in grimes. pew.
He sports the fastest "cab" in town,
Is always quick to bet ;
He never knows who's President,
But thinks "Old Tip's in yet."
lie has drunk wines of every kind,
And liquors cold and hot ;
Young Grimes, in short, is just the sort
Of man—old Grimes was not.
Household Cares.
Mrs. Kirkland has very truly said
that woman is never really and healthily
happy without household cares. But
to perform housework is too frequently
considered degrading. Even where the
mother, in obedience to the traditions
of her youth, condescends to labor oc
casionally, the daughters are frequently
brought up in perfect idleness, take no
bodily exercise except that of walking
in fine weather, or riding in cushioned
carriages, or dancing at a party. Those,
in short, who can afford servants, cannot
bernean themselves, as they think, by do
mestic labors. The result is, too fre
quently, that ladies of this class lose
what little health they started life with,
becoming feeble in just abqut the pro
portion as they become fashionable. In
this neglect of household cares, Ameri
can ladies stand alone. A German lady,
no matter how elevated her rank, never
forgets that doTestic labors conduce to
the health of mind and body alike. An
English lady, whatever may be her posi
tion in society, does-not neglect the af
fairs of her household, and, even though
she has a housekeeper, devotes a por
tion of her time to this, her true and hap
piest sphere. A contrary life to this re
sults in a lassitude of mind often as fatal
to health as the neglect of bodily exercise.
The wife who leaves her household cares
to her domestics, generally pays the pen
alty which has been affixed to idlenese
since the foundation of -tne world, and
either wilts away from sheer ennui, or is
driven into all sorts of fashionable follies
to find employment for their mind. If
household cares were more gensrally at
tended to by ladies of the family, there
would be comparatively little backbiting,
gossiping, enviousness, and other kin
dred sins, and women in good society
would be much happier and much more
truly lovable. .
THE DEVIL TO PAY.—This phrase
doubtless originated in a printing office
on some Saturday night's settlement of
weekly wages. "John," says the pub
lisher to the bookkeeper, "how stands
the cash account?" "small balance on,
band, sir." "Let's see," rejoins the pub
lisher, "how far will that go towards
satisfying the hands ?" John begins to
figure arithmetically—so much due to
Potkins, so mach to Typhus, so much
to Gruble, and so on through a dozen
dittos. The publisher stands aghast.
"Here's not money enough by ajug
"No, sir ; besides there is the devil to
Pay-"
Dryden was so fond of reading
that hie wife one day exclaimed: "
wish I were a book ; that I might always
be in your company." " I wish you
were an almanac," he replied, "so that
I could change every year."
er Weak doses of washboard are now
recommended to ladies who complain of ,
dyspepsia. Young men troubled in the'
name way maybe cured by a strong dose
or wood '. ; saw
Por The Jrctriettian
Intgrtpeme.
A man may lose his money, his house
may be destroyed by fire, hishe'alth
may give way. But all' these things
may be restored to him, and even like
patient Job; a double portion may be
given , him. But the poor drunkard hail
no such flattering prospects before him.
His character is gone—his health shat
tered—his purse empty,
,his family
wretched, and not a redeeming trait
in his character to lift him back in the
confidence and esteem of those who
once respected him. Who is responsi
ble for such mercy ? 100,000 drunkards
die annually, who is it that sends such a
mighty army to a-dishonored grave ? and
causes the groans and screams of wives
and children to ascend Heavenward ?
Who is it that fills our prisons—our
hospitals—our houses of-refuge? Who
is it that doubles our taxes, perverts
the morale, disturbs the peace of com
munity? We answer the Rumseller has
a great deal to do in this wretched busi
ness. In justification of their conduct
many say we don't sell to drunkards.
No, no, oar house is a respectable one—
oar customers are the elite of the town.
These rumselloys are doing more to per
petuate drunkenness than those who sell
to drunkards only, because as soon as
one poor drunkard falls, here comes one
from these respectable houses to take
his place. If rumsellere were agreed to
sell liquors to none bat the intemperate
in a very short time this terrible scourge
would be entirely removed. Moderate
drinkers we beg of you to cease drink
ing. A little effort on your part would
soon send a thrill of joy to many bleed
ing fearts. As patriot lovers of your
country, here you have a glorious oppor
tunity of contributing largely to the
happiness of the community. Dr. Smith
says "The liquor traffic is a cancer in
society, eating out its vitals, and threat
ening destruction ; and all attempts to
regulate it will not only prove abortive,
but aggravate the evil. No there must
be no more efforts to regulate the can
cer; it must be eradicated—not a root
must be left behind; for until this be
done, all 'classes must continue exposed
to become the victims.of strong drink;
and the woe in the text must abide.
Woe unto him that giveth his neighbor
drink, that putteth the bottle to him."
Come then, friends of the Temperance
cause, let us buckle on more tightly
than ever the weapons of a good war
fare, cry aloud and spare not. Our time
is short, our day is drawing to a close.
" Whatever our hands find to do, do it
with all oniatnight." And if we should
only he successful in ehutting up one
rum shop or saving one poor drunkard
from a drunkard's grave or convincing
one moderate drinker of his danger, and
thus preventing him from going into the
drunkard's army, if we should by our la
bor accomplish but this, we can say our
life has not been altogether in vain. It
will be a greater victory than "lie that
taketh a city." Go on in your good
work, and you shall have the prayers of
the good to encourage you ; and many
yet utihorn may 'rite ,up pnd call you
blessed. " Then with Christ in the
heart, the hope • of glory we can say
when the hotir of our departure comes"
we have fought the goodfight, we have
finiphed our course and a':urown of glory
awaits us in the house of 'the Wined I
Ct. M. C.
"STATE OF MATBIPIOATY."—qhe State
of matrimony' bas-at last been bounded
and described by some out West student,
who says : "It is one of• the United
States. It is bounded by hugging and
kissing on one side, and cradles and ba
biekon the other. Its chief productions
are population, broomsticks, and staying
out late at night. It was discovered by
Adam and Eve, while trying to find a
passage oat of paradise. The climate is
sultry until, you cross the qquinoctial
line of. houid keeping, wheksqually wea
tiler sets in with such poWei as to keep
all hands cool as cucumbers. For the
principle roads leading to this interest
ing State, consult the first pair of bright
eyes you run against."
A GOOD Ducui.prrom.--A pious divine
of the old school : "A drunkard is the
annofanoe of modesty, the.trouble of the
caterpillar of industry, the tunnel of
wealth, the ale , house benefactor, the
beggar's companion, the constable's troll.
ble, the woe of his wife, the scoff of his
neighbor, his own shame, the picture of
a beast, and the monster of a man-.°
skr A tragedian had- ; hie nose broken
A lady on one occasion said to , him
"I like your acting, but I cannot get
over your nose." "No wonder," replied
be; '"The bridge le ego,
Important to Young lon and Teachers,
Every young man, whatever may be
his future calling s in life, will find a tho
rough, and practical business education
his greatest aid to success. Such a
course may be had by all, as the expense
and time necessary for a thorough pre
paration can readily be spared from the
earnings of every industrious youth in
the country. Three months only are
necessary for a preparation that shall
introduce any farmer's son, teacher or
mechanic, into a business position that
shall bring him a good salary, and that
may sad him on to a business success.
At Philadelphia, Pa., a system of in
struction has been introduced into J. C.
Muinford's Business and Telegraph
College that must be thoroughly practi
cal, and work a revolution in commer
cial instruction in all schools having
pupils enough so that it may be intro
duced. Unfortunately this system of
instruction can only be carried out in a
few of the larger schools,in the. United
States, as it requires for its successful
operation a great number pf students in
daily attendance. This course is re
ceiving the encouragement and enthusi
astic support of the leading business
men and educators throughout the
country, and is drawing for this College
patronage from nearly every State in the
Union. The practical arrangement of
every department makes it profitable
for young men to come hundreds of
miles to enjoy its advantages, as at no
other school in the country can equal
advantages be had for business educa
tion.
REV. ALEXANDER CLARE, Editor of
Clarke's School Visitor r in a notice of
that institution, said:-" The Commer
cial College of J. C. Mumford combines
in its plan more , practicalities, and bet
ter disciplines its students for success
ful business than any similar institution
with which I am acquainted in the city,
and but one in our whole country in any
wise compares with it, and that one pur
sues a method somewhat the same bat
perhaps not as fully developed.
Such a report from Rev. Alexander
Clark is strong evidence of the charac
ter and 'standing of this school. This
College from its plan of instruction, in
vites the attention of the masses, and as
it issues many publications explanatory
of its working, which are mailed free of
charge, we suggest that those interested
in education send an application for cir
culars, as they will no doubt be furnish
ed immediately on receipt of request.
Address, J. 0. Mumford, Philadelphia.
bum WIT.-A son of the Emerald .
Isle, but not himself green, was taken up
(for he was at the time down) near Man
assas Junction, by a confederate scouting
party. He wore no special uniform of
either army, but looked more like a spy
than a volunteer, and on this ground was
arrested. "Who are you ? what is your
name, and where are you from ?" where
the first questions put by the armed par
ty. Pat rubbed his eyes, scratched his
head, and answered, "Be gorra )
gentle
men, this is ugly quistions to answer,
and before I answer any of thim,. I'd be
after axin ye, by ye're lave, the same
thing." "Well," said the leader, "we
are of Scott's army and belong to Wash
ington." "All right," said Pat, "I know
ed ye was gintlemen, for I am the same.
Long life to Gineral Scott." "Aha 1"
replied the scout, "now, you rascal, you
are a prisoner !" and he seized Pat by
the shoulder& "How is that—are we
not friends?'; inquired Pat. "No 1" Was
the answer. "We belong to General
Beauregard's army." " The‘a ye told me
a lie my boys, and thinking it might be
so, I tould ye another., Now tell me the
truth, and I'll tell the truth too." "We
belong to the State of South Carolina."
"So do I 1" promptly responded Pat ;
"and to all other States of the eountry,
too; and there I'm thinking I beat the
whole of yez. Da ye think I'd come all
the way from ould Ireland to belong to
one State, when I'd a right to belong to
the whole of them ?" Pat was taken to
the camp, but, as nothing could be made
to appear against him, he was disekarged.
0 n a trial for Main!
some years since, a medical witness, in
his evidence, informed the court that.
on examining the 'prosecutor, he found
him suffering frai a seVere contusion of
the integuments under, the left orbit,
with great extravasation of blood and
eechymosis in, the. surrounding- cellular
tissue ) which ,was, in, a tumefied state..
There was also considerable abrasion' of
the cuticle. Judge You mean, I sup
pose, that the man had a black eye ?
Witness OYes. 'Judge : Then why eot
say Oat 011,C0 T •
VOL. XIII.-NO. 30.
Stuff for Smiles
Nine Pipe And Cup.
Yen clouds are plack above,
- Crud mud ish plack below,
Tis den that I do love
A cloud of smoke to blow;
I takes my meerschaum down,
I takes mine lager up,
And cares not who do frown
Upon mine pipe and cup !
Mine frow, she scolds a bit
Fen mine old pipe is seen,
Because sometimes I shpit
Upon her floor so clean.
But dat ish like de rain,
It doesn't last alvay ;
She soon gets pleased again,
Und so I schmokes avay.
"Have you no pen and ink ?" said the
doctor.
. "No," said the poor woman.
"Well, I have lost my pencil—give
me a piece of chalk."
And the doctor chalked a prescrip
tion upon the door, telling the afflicted
female to give that to her son when he
awoke.
"Take it, my boy take it," said the old
woman, lifting the door from its hinges
and carrying it to the sick youth when
his eyes opened. "I don't know how
you are to do it, I am shure, but the
doctor says it is good, and you had bet
ter try it."
"My dear," said a husband to his af
fectionate better half, after a little squab
ble,
,"you'll certainly never be permitted
to go to Heaven." "Why not ?" Be
cause you will be wanted as tormentor
below."
One of the Siamese Twins was drafted
by the, rebels during the war, but was at
last declared exempt on account of hav
ing an only brother depending on him
for support.
A friend says he knows of but one
branch of employment which is very
profitable, and but little followed, and
that is, "Mind your own business."
"Do you suppose that a person can
see any better by the aid of glasses 2"
said a man in company.
"I know he can," answered a toper,
"for after I have taken half a dozen
glasses, I can see double."
As a gentleman was returning home
one night from a fashionable party, there
was an alarm of fire. He attempted to
cry, "Fi—fi—fi—," but t'was uo use—
he was so drunk that ho could'ht get it
out, so he gave a boy ten cents to cry it
for him.
"I understand," said a deacon to his
neighbor, "that you are becoming a
hard drinker." "That is slander," re
plied the neighbor, "for no man can
drink easier."
"Come, John, sit down and eat these
potatoes:and let your whiskey alone, for
Wit poor stuff to live upon."
"Ah, Carty, my jewel, I would take
your advice, but the tatere are so corky."
"All the better, John, for stopping
your bottle."
A clodhopper hired himself out to la
bor for life, at eight dollars per month,
with an agreement that he should have
half hie pay at the end of every month,
and the rest when his time was out.
A western paper states that the young
temperance ladies at the north, now
kiss young gentlemen's lips to see if they
have been tasting tody. This ,mus t be
ticklish business.
'Pray, can you tell me the way to
the penitentiary ?" asked a stranger.—
"yes sir—pick the first man's pocket
that you meet!.
"Nimrod, do you know the meaning
of the word amphibious?"
"Yes sir—it's a Koss-marine sort of
critter, what always Bits on a rock, 'cause
it wont stay in the water, and can't live
on land."
"Daddy, daddy, it's going to rain,"
said a little urchin to his father the oth
er evening. "What makes you think so
my son 1" "'Cause there's a tarnal great
etitumstance round the moon."
MEM
Air ie a dish which one feeds on every
rainute, the'iVore it always ought to be
fresh.
An Millman warns the people not to
trust his wife, because he was never mar
ried.td bar.
tt'pound' of butter like an Irish
family ?' When it is made id little pats.
The smiles of a pretty woman are like
glimpses 'of ParadiSe. ' •
Elil