BY FRED'K L. BAKER.
pA . TTEESON & CO.,'
No. 66 MARKET STREET,
MARIETTA, PA.
DE4LERS IN
FOREIGN & DOMESTIC
HARDWARE.,
j e ep constantly on hand a full stock of Bu
ding Material. Nails,
LOCKS, HINGES,
GLASS, PAINTS, CILS, WHITE LEAD, I
SCII:RIOR ARTICLE OF CEMENT, &O„
OIK 0N: Rolled and Hammered
Iron, Steel, horse-Shoes Bar,
ki 0r ,,,,0 Nail Rods, Hoop and Band Iron,
• horse-Shoe Nails, Bolts, Files, Rasps, etc.
POUSE.-KEEPLAG GOODS.
FIRST-CLASS COOKING
ANU PARLOR STOVES, RANGES,
rubs, Churns, Cedar Stands,
Wan Boards, buckets,
Knives and Forks,
Plated and Metalic / Spoons,
hiJ. Irons, Kraut Cutters, Waiters, Brass at
Gpptr Kettles Clothes Wringers, Pans,
Iron Ladles, Meat Stands, Coal Oil
!Amps, Shades and Lanterns, Tea
.sales, Coffee Mills, Painted
Chamber Setts, &c., &c.
FAs, Shovels, Hoes, Spades, Horse Brushes
n ee ! Grease, -Fish, Sperm and Lubric
Cistern Pumps, Long and Short Traces
Swot Challis, &C.
To LS: Hand and Wood Saws, Watchets,
Csupping and Hand Axes, Planes, Chissels
;,users and Auger Bite, Braces, Prunnink .
Hooks and Shears, &c., &c.
liodithil for past ,patronage j we hope to men'
itd weeive a 'continuance of the same.
PAFEERSOAT CC
p DR. H. LANDIS,
DR, HENRY LANDIS,
DR. .11ENRY LANDLS,
At the "Golden Mortar,"
At the "Golden Mortar,"
Alarket Stre e t, Marietta,
aurket Si ree t, Marietta,
Keep constantly on Italia
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ocriutions carefully coinpouniled.
Remember the place,
Remember the place,
I)r. Grove's old Stand.
Dr. Grove's aid Stand.
Give us a call
Give US a call
PHOTOGRAPHIC.
I=l
E. Sr. H. T. ANTHONY & CO.,
manufacturers talPhotograpkic Materials,
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL,
501 BROADWAY, N.Y.
addition to our main business of PHOTO
1 .11 A P Li lC MATERIALS we are Headouar
re tor the following, vlz.
.sTi.:II.EOSCOPEd 4. STEREOSCOPIC
VIEWS
',! American and Foreign cities and Land
mmaa. Groups, Statuary, etc.
tql:iiCoSt °PIC VIEWS OF THE WAR,
Nth' negatives made in the various cam-
Nos and forming a complete Photographic
L. "'orY of the meat contest.
81 TREOSCOPIC VIER S ON GLASS,
Adapted for either the l'ltegtc Lantern or the
: •itreuicupe. Our catalogue will be sent to
address on receipt of stamp.
PHOTOGRAPHIC ALBUMS.
k V , manufacture more largely than any
t.lh,t house, about 209 varieties from 50 cents
111 each, Our ALBUMS have the repute
tiou uf being impel lot in beauty and dulabili-
I ) k, any others.
C . 11 40 PHOTOGRAPHS OF GENERALS,
s'I'ATESIIIEN, ACTORS, .etc., etc.
Oat Catalogue embraces over FIVE THOU
NJ, different subjects, including reproduc-
I Tl's t 1 the moat' celebrated Engravings,
I
411 !ttogs, Statues, etc. Catalogues sent on
Ittotpt at stamp.
P hotographers and others orderin goods C.
h., wit' please rctnit 25 per cent,- of the
Totowa with their order.
hot fa
: 1 4t Ile price and quality of our goods can
`June
to mi.tisfyi
__ Ju ne 1 6, 1560.-ly. ,
ADMINISTRATOR'S NOTICE.
Estate of John 111cDuffee, late of East
Donegal Township, deceased.
1
Atter, of Administration on said estate have
n e en granted to' the undersigned, all per
'lli indebted thereto are requested to make
l'uisectiste payment, and those having claims
q ..deinatula against the same will present them
without delay for to the undersigned.
HENRY FLETCH FR,
residing in East Donegal township .
Marietta, Feb'y 2,1867-6 t.
V 4 sLA t TP, OF FRE D' h .K ERLIN D G e , ed
Letter: 4.ll ;e t et:o i l li e o n i tary o o f n
Mariet ta, estrte hair
bet.n granted to the undersigaed, all per
' Ilts indebted thereto are requested to make
!Ti!)eciitite settlement, and those having claims
`rti dem ands agatnst the some will present them
!lout delay for settlement to the undersign
' r esiding in said Borough of Marietta.
JOHN AUXER, Executor.
Ittrietta, January 19, 1867.-6t]
C °I CSET SKIRT SUPPORTERS an ex
-1 for Hale cellent article for ladies. Just received
at MRS. ROTH'S Variety Store.
I i ERY OUT THE FLIES! iche l ,r>andin.
sarserital dish covers of wire, at
JOHN SPANGLER'S.
rPal % Periodical Drops, and Clark's Fe
e 1911 e, Ths Golden Mortar .
. - ,4.(e: . ,1.1 : ',_ . aT..1 . t. - : 7...:-,ait+
BRITTON & MUSSER'S
i d
M FAMILY DRUG STORE Vir
Market Street, _Marietta, Pa.
BRITTON & MUSSER ' successors to Dr. F.
Hinkle, will continue the business at the old
stand, where they are daily receiving additions
to their stock, which are received from the
most reliable importers and manufacturers.
They would respectfully ask a liberal share
of public patronage.
They are now prepared to supply the de
mands of the public with everything in their
line of trade. Their stock of
DRUGS AND MEDICINES
IS FRESH AND PURE, HAVING JUST ARRIVED
?tire Mines nna gignos
FOR ALELICINAL USES ONLY,
ALL THE POPULAR PATENT MEDICINES,
Dye Staffs of all kinds, Fancy and Toilet Ar
ticles of every kind, Alcoholic and Fluid
Extracts, Alcsloid and Resinoids, all
the best Trusses, Abdominal Sup
portors,Shoulder Braces,Breast
Pumps, Nipple Shells sad
Shields, Nursing Bottles,
A large supply of
HAT, HAIR, TOOTH, NAIL AND CLOTHES BRUSHES.
Tooth Powder and Pastes, Oils, Perfumery,
Soups, Combs, Hair Dyes, Invigorators, &c.;
Coal Oil, Lamps, Shades, Chimneys, Wick, &c,
Physicians supplied at reasons ble rates.
Medicines and Prescriptions carefully and ac
curately compounded all hours of the day and
night, by Charles H. Britton, Pharmaceutist,
who will pay especial attention to this branch
of the business. Having had over ten years
practical experience iu the drug business ena
bles him to guarantee entire satisfaction to all
who may patronize the new firm.
irS — Hasson's Compound Syrup of Tar, on
hand and for sale.
A large supply of School Books, Stationary,
&c.. always on hand.
SUNDAY HOURS:
From 8 to 10, a. m.,— . 12 to 2, and 6 to 6 p. m
Chaa•les 11. Britton. A. Musser.
Marietta, Ootober 20, 1866. 11-tf
WINS & LIQUORS.
El. D. BENJAMIN,
DEA.I ER IN
WINE'S & LIQUORS,
Corner of Front-st., and Elbow Lane,
MA-RIETTA, PA.
- 0 ---
DEGS leave to inform the public that ha
jjwill continue the WINE & LIQUOR busi
ness, in all its branches. Ile will constantly
keep on hand all kinds of
Brandies, Wines, Gins, Irish and Scotch
Whiskey, Cordials, Bitters, 6-c.,
BENJAMIN'S
Yusay Celebrated Rose Whisky,
ALWAYS ON HAND.
A very superior OLD RYE WH ISKEY.
just received, which is warranted pure.
rr All H. D. B. now asks of the pubic
is a careful examination of his stock and pri
ced. which will, he is confident, result in Ho
tel ,keepers and others finding it to their ad
vantage to make their purchases from him.
JA COB LIBHART, JR
CABINET MAKER
AND UNDERTAKER, MARIETTA, PA
carimmot
WO ULD most respectfully take this meth
od of informing the citizens of Marietta
and the public in general, that, having , laid in
a lot of seasoned Lumber, is now prepared to
manufacture ail kinds of
CABINET FURNI7'URE,
in every style and variety, at short notice
He has on hand a lot of Furniture of his own
manufactuie, which for fine finish and good
' workmanship, will rival any, City make.
13 - Especial attention paid to repairing.
lie is also now prepared to attend, in all its
branches, the UNDERTAKING business, be
ing supplied with an excellent Herne, large
and small Biers, Cooling Box, &c.
Irr COFFINS finished iu any style—plain
or costly.
Ware ltonm and Manufactory, near Mr.
Dutry's new building., near the " Upper-Sta
ion ," Marietta, Pa. [Oct. 2.2.
F irst national Bank of Marietta
ruins RANKING ASSOCIATION
HAVING COMPLETED ITS 011GANIZATION
is now prepared to transact all kinds of
BANKING BUSINESS.
The Board of Directors m:t weekly, on
Wednesday, for discount and other business.
ank 14fours : Prom 9A.M to 3 P.M.
JOHN HOLLINGER, PRESIDENT.
AMOS BOWMAN, Cashier.
DANIEL G. BAKER,
ATTORNEY AT LA W,
LANCASTER, PA
=2
OFFICE :—No. 24 NORTH DUKE STREET
opposite the Court House, where he will at
tend to the practice.of his profession in all its
various branches.
77CTc,rr - 11,
Sargon Dentist,s o—
MARKT.T STREET, ADJOINING
Spangler & Bich's Store, second floor,
MARIETTA, PA.
i
A TTENrIO,N I SPORTSMEN ! ! I
- Eley'a Gua Capi, Eley's Gun Wadds,
Dupont's Sporting and Glazed Duck Powder
Baltimore Shot; Shot Pouches, Powder Flasks,
sold at JOHN SPANGLER'S.
SH A W L S, Balmorals Gloves, Hosiery,
Belts and Buckles, Embroidered Handker
chiefs and Collars, Mourning Collars and
Veils, Head Nets and Dress Trimmings. A
full supply at SPANGLER & RICH'S.
YINAMEL OF AMERICA, for beautifying
j the complexion, softening the skip, re
moving tan, freckles and pimples.
Sale at Dr. Landis' ~G olden - Mortar."
DA. H. LANDIS is the sole agent for the
. Sale of MILSEILF.R'S BITTERS. in the
Borough of Marietta. For sale at the
GOLDEN MORTAR.
LARGE LOT, O 1 BUIE' WINDOW
SHADES at, remarkably low prices—
to close Out JOHN SPANOLER.
JOB PRINTING. of every description ex
ecuted with neatness and dispatch at the
0 !Lee of The Mariettip.
rrlO LANDLORDS! Just reeeived, Scotch
I and Irish . WHISKIES, 'warran
ted to be Ore, at X. D. Benjamailes.
all gllkpartut Vonsillania 3guntal—for #ire ffionte girth.
MARIETTA, PA., SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1867.
The Mariettian is published weekly,
at $1:50 a-year, payable in advance.
Office in "Lindsay's Building," near
the Post office corner, itlarietta, Lan
caster county, Pa.
Advertisements will be inserted at t 1
following rates : One square, ten lines
or less, 75 cents for the first insertion,
or three times for $1:50. Profession
al or Business Cards, of six lines or less,
$5 a-year. Notices in the reading col
;limns, ten. cents a-line ; general adver
tisements seven cents a-line for the first
insertion, and for every additional in
sertion, four carts. A liberal deduc
tion made to yearly advertisers.
Having put up a new Jobber press
and added a large addition of job type,
cuts, border, etc., will enable the estab
lishment to execute every description of
Plain and Fancy Printing, from the
smallest card to the largest poster, at
short notice and reasonable rates.
I have a pleasant little wife
Who nothing, nothing lacks ;
She keeps herself and things about
The house as neat as wax.
Antr:everything, and woman's taste,
Stems placed expressly for
The pleasures of a nip who long
Has lived a bachelor.
Her handkerchiefs are white as milk,
Her skirts as white as snow,
Her slippered,feet are small and neat,
And always "on the go."
She,floats about as if up borne
On gum elastic springs,
Or some unseen mysterious power,
With undiscovered wings."
Her glossy hair is deepest brown,
Her eyes are softest dark,
And from their loving depths shoot forth
Full many a cheerful spark;
Her eyes send speeding on their flight
The soft-winged rosy hours,
And what was once my ,iarksome way
Is radiant now with flowers.
My linen has a glossy white,
More pure than ever shone
On Parian marble, and what's more,
There's ne'er a button gone: '
She knits my stockings, makes my shirts,
And darns up all'my rents,
And saves me half of what was once
My bachelor's expense.
Now all you crusty bachelors,
With life's great battle sore,
Go get a wife and settle down,
And play the fool:no more.
Don't bey too nice—they're angels all—
With loving hearts and true,
The secret is, be kind to them,
And they'll be kind to you.
A BEAUTIFUL TRIBUTE TO A
was guided in my choice only by the
blind affections of my youth. I found
an intelligent companion and a tender
friend, a prudent ;Tlonitress, the most
faithful of wives, and a mother as tender
as children ever had the misfortune to
lose„ I met a woman who, by tender
management of my weaknesses, gradual
ly corrected the most pertinacious of
them c She became prudent froM affec
tion ; and though of the most generous
nature, she was taught frugality and
economy by her love for me. During
the most critical period of my life, she
relieved me, she gently reclaimed the
from dissipation ; prbpped my weak and
irresolute nature; she urged my indo
lence to all the exertions that have been
useful and creditable to me, and she was
always at hand to admonish my heedless
ness or improvide9ce. To her I owe
whatever I am ; t6her whatever I shall
be. In her solicitude for my interest
she never for a moment forgot my feel
ings or character. Even in her occasion
al resentment, for which I but to often
gave her cause ( would to God I could
recall those moments I) she had no sul
lenness nor acrimony. Her feelings
were warm, nay, impetuous; but she
was placable, tender and constant.
Such was she whom I have lost, when I
her excellent natural sense was rapidly
improving ; eight years struggle and
distress had bound us fast together and
moulded our tempers to each other;
when a knowledge of her worth had re
fined my youthful love into friendship,
and before age had deprived it of much
of its original ardor. I lost her, alas
the choice of my youth, the partner of
my misfortunes, at a moment when I
bad the prospect of her shifting. my bet
ter days.—Sir James Mclntosh: •
HEARTS—the best card in the chance
game of matrimony ; sometimes over
come by diamonds and knaves; often
won by tricks ; and occasionally treated
in a shuffling manner, and then out alto
gether.
ow A hop on the "light fantastic toe"
may be pleasant, but not when you hoP
on the fantastic toe of your neighbor,
rEli'.l*B
My Little Wile;
For The ✓?fariellian
"Wine is a ➢locker."
Vice when clad in the attire of virtue
is warmly received, and kindly domiciled
by those who would thrust it from their
thresholds, if it sought admission in its
undisguised character. Evil customs
are suffered to become woven into our
very being through the prevailing habit
of embracing the opinions of those who
are regarded as holding a position in so
ciety. Ideas are accepted as truths ;
simply because they are overhung with
the cobwebs of centuries, although their
truths, like the merits of the wine bear
ing date half way between the Penn
Treaty, and the present moment, lies
only in the traditions and superstitions
of ages more ignorant and corrupt than
the present, such ages as - made Galileo
ignore the truth and consign *itches to
the gallows.
Man boasts that wine is one of God's
good gifts to his creatures, and fortifies
this opinion uponthe antiquity of :its
use, while God emphatically declares in
his word, that, "Wine is a mocker and
be that is deceived thereby ie not wise."
Which then is true, man's assumption
or God's declaration. Man says drink
of it and if poor, poverty will take wings
and fly away. if weak, drink and you
will become strong. If despondent, it
will make you cheerful. If conscience
scourged, wine will soothe it and make
you care not for to-morrow, but is not
all this mockery ? Answer ye
. who
mourned for loved ones, whom you edu
cated at your own festive boards or in
the family circle, into the body and soul
distroying belief that wine affords
strength, and they went forth to buffet
the world's vicissitudes with this ensnar
ing falsehood engraven upon their mem
ories as though it was a great truth, and
only discovered it to be a terrible error
when the waves of immediate drunken
ness was surging over them.
Is it not a mocker? Answer ye, who
(confiding in the advise of those, who
should be learned in human physiology
and pathology) were directed to seek
relief from bodily debility in the stimu
lus of Wine, bitter memory recalls its
enchanting effects while in allaying the
discomforts of indigestion it was stealth-
ily corroding the powers of life, and lay
ing debp the foundations for an MlMl
trollatie thirst for strong drink, that in
turn deame a consuming fire that never
could ge entirely extinguished.
Does it'not mock with Seeming healtd
while Wisaffording disease a more dead
ly hold upon its victims ? Does it not
dement the brain and induce the com
mission of imprudence and wickedness
that returning sobriety is deeply cha
grined at? (Who that has sought
through sparkling wine exhilarations of
spirits in the social circle, has not after
wards suffered the punishment of offend
ed nerves, through a torpid brain, and
aching temples as the result of self
abuse. Wine that has not dissolved its
health affording properties by fermenta
tion, is like all other nourishments, a
blessing to mankind, and as such Unfer
mented Wine is recognized,• and com
mended in Scripture. Such wine was in
general use prior to and during the
Apostolic age. Historians of that peri
od describe the, effects of the two kinds
of wine, by denoting the one as good And
olesome, and the other as bad and in
jurious, to the present generation has
been transmitted chiefly the use of the
latter. The wine that is generated in
rottenness, and abounds in that poison
ous p - roperty (Alcohol) that is reaping
its annual harvests of human life by tens
of-thousands. Its virtues are but the
trickery of the sorcerer It flatters, to
madness, then blights and destroys. It
mocks at human infirmity, to consume
the invalid's vitality, It unbridles the
passion and makes its victims yield, ra
ttier to the grossness of appetite, than
to the warning voice of God, who has
set an uncompromising boundary be
tween the substances that sustain life
and those that destroy it, a boundary
that no earthly power can change, hum
an cupidity may gild over the poison
that kirks in the cup and exalt it, by
every pleasing name ; and still the pi
vine-decree stands intact, sparing neith
er the high nor the humble, dealing
alike upon - all the 'retribution of disobe s -
Aience from which there is no, way, of
B. B.
,coxiceslmeot or escape
Tneitue , says.; - " In - the eat:ly ages
man livesl, a life of innocence
_and• simpli
city." Upon this a critic remarked ; :
" When' was this period of innocen.ce ?
The first man who was born into ' the
World killed the' adcona When
.the time of simplicity begin,?" •
Balm for the Sleepless.
In the first place, we will suppose a
person moderately sleepless. He tosses
and tumbles about'; turns first on one
Bide and then on the other ; shifts the
pillow; pulls the bedclothes over his
shoulders'; draws his knees up to his ab
domen ; places his right arm under his
kead—in short, exhausts the resources
usually put in requisition on these occas
ions, and yet has failed to proctire na
ture's sweet restorer—balmy sleep.
What is then to be done?
Rabelais tells a story of some monks,
who oPpressed with wakefulness, reso
lutely addressed themselves to prayer,
and before they had concluded' half a
dozen ayes, -or paternosters, we forget
which, they all fell asleep. Mazniskre
panted some lines of poetry; Sir John
Sinclair counted ; and Franklin took his
air bath—that is walked about his cham
ber "sans culottes." All these resources
seem at times to hove prodused the de--
.sired effect, bat never to have been al
ways successful. The following plan
has never failed, so far as we are aware,
but in two instances.
We then suptiose all these attempts
have failed, and the patient—for he is
indeed a "sufferer" who cannot sleep—
still awake,
Let him turn on his right side, place
his head comfortably on the pillow, so
that it exactly occupies the angle a line
drawn from the head to the, shoulderi3
would form, and then, slightly closing
his lips, take rather a full inspiration,
breathing. as much as he posibly can
through the nostrils. This, however, is
not &bsolutely, necessary, as some per
sons breathe always through their
mouths during sleep, and rest as well as
those who do not. Having taken a full
inspiratibn, the lungs are then to be left
to their own action—that is, the respi
ration is neither to be accelerated nor
retarded. The attention• must now be
fixed upon the action which the pa=
tient is engaged. He must depict to him
self that le sees the breath passing from
his nostrils in a continuous stream, anb
the very instant that he brings his mind
to conceive this apart from all other We
i
' as, consciousness and memory depart—
imagination srumbers—fancy becomes
pormant, though subdued—the sentient
faculties lose their susceptibility—the
vital ganglionic system assumes the
sovereignty—and, as we before remarked,
he no longer wakes, but sleeps.
The train of phenOmena is bat, the ef
fort of a moment. The instant the mind
is brought to the contemplation of a
single sensation, that instant the sensor
ium abdicates the thione, and the hyp
on tic faculty steeps it in oblivion.
Sponging the_body before retiring to
rest, whether in winter or summer, and
rubbing the surface afterward with a
coarse towel, are preliminary steps which
conduce much to - sound repOse. .
THE TEETH OF A fIOHSE.A.I, five
yelirs of age the horse has forty teeth—
twenty-four molar or jaw teeth, twelve
incisor, or front teeth, and four tusks or
canine teeth, between the molars and
the_incisore, but usually wanting in the
DICI
At birth, only the two nippers or
middle incisors appear.
At one year old, the incisors are all
visible on the first or milk set.
Before three years, the permanent
nippers have come through. •
At four years old, the permanent Ai
viders next to the nippers are out.
At five the month is perfect, the sec
ond set of teeth having been completed:
At six the hollows uu3er the nippers,
called the mark, has disappeared from
the nippers, and diminished in the divid
ers.
At seven the mark has) disappeared
from the dividers, and the next teeth, or
corners, are levelled, though showing
the mark.
At eight the mat4has gone from the
corners,• and the lorse is said to be
aged.
After this time, indeed, good authori
ties say after_ five years, the age of a
horse can only be conjectured. But the
teeth gradually change their form, the
incisors becoming round, oval and then
triangular. Dealers sometimes bishop
the teeth of old horses; that is, scoop
them out to imitate the mark ; but this
can be known- by , the-absence of the
white edge of enamel which always. sur
rounds the reaLmark; by the , shape ,o)
the teeth, and other marks °rage abbitt
the animal.—Rural Gentleman.
a te' A , Clergyman asknd: a.aea captain
his views about the (attire state, spd.was
answered that he did not meddle himself
with state affairs, . .
VOL. XIII.-NO. 29.
Stuff for Smiles.
A Yankee boy had a whole Dutch
cheese set before him one day by a wag
gish friend, who, however, gave him no
knife. "This is a fanny looking cheese,
uncle Joe, but where shall I cut it ?"
"0" said the grinning friend, "cut it
where you like." "Very well," said the
"gankee, cooly putting it under hie arm,
"I'lljust cut it at home then."
A boy, speaking of the greatest man
he ever saw, was told by his mother he
must always except their minister. A
few days after, he'rushed into the pre
sence of hie mother, and exclaimed—
" Mother, I have seen the greatest hog
down town, that I ever saw, except our
minister I"
"Dad—Dad, I came platgy near sell
ingjiy pig to Mr. Hobson to day."—
"An sonnet', how near did you come to
it ?" "Why I ax'd Hobson if he wanted
to buy my pig, and he said no ; but if
he'd only said yes, how neat I'd had him
though."
"Say, Uncle Ben, what sort o' animals
are them 'ere punkine that are all over
black - 11 7 -meg blue and a little reddish I"
"Them, Jonathan, are called egg plants
—wegetable eggs." "Eggs! Well I
swan, I should like to see one on 'em
hatched, to see what sort o' critters a
wegetable am."
A boy having got his father's snuff
box, indulged so immoderately in the
titillating dust that he sneezed himself
to piece's.. His remains having been
gathered up, a coroner's inquest was
held over them, when the enlightened
jury returned a verdict of "snuffed oat."
An Irishman was once summoned for
refusing to pay a doctor's bill, when he
was asked why he refused to pay. "What
fur should I pay ?" said Pat ; "sure he
didn't give me anything but some emet
ics, and divel a one could i keep on me
stomach, at all.
.'"Well, Sambo, have you got a good
place ? "Oh yes, tank ye missus, lib
berry fine now." "What did you have
for breakfast this morning 2" "Why,
d'ye see, massa bill tree eggs for herself
and gib me de brosse." (broth.)
"Is that butter clean ?" asked a gro
cer of a boy who brought a quantity to
market. "1 should think it ought to
replied the boy, "for warm and Sall were
more than two hours picking the hairs
out of it last night."
A flippant young man observed, in
the presence of Dr. Parr, he never be•
Raved anything he could not understand.
"Then yours must be the very shortest
creed of any man's I know," remarked
the clout*.
"Arrah, Jammy I are you kilt ?" said
the loving wife of a hodman, as he fell
from the top of a ladder.
" IV o indade, honey ! but I'm spack
less 1" was the Erin's reply.
" I keep an excellent table," said a
landlady disputing with one of her
boarders.
" Tbat may be true, ma'am," says be,
but you put very little upon it."
" Will you lend father your newspaper
sir-? he onty wants to read it." " Yes,
my boy, and ask him to lend me his din
003i, I only just want to eat it."
"What's the matter this morning,
Tom ?" "Caught a cold, that's all.'.
"Y es, I saw you after one last night, with
your coat off; I thought you'd catch it."
Why is a stick of candy like a horse ?
Because the more yon lick it the faster
it goes
"You're making game of me," as the
duck said when he dove at the flash of
the sportsman's, gun."
A woman of sense was never won by
flattery. The thicker it is laid on, the
more.awkivardly it sticks.
The oldest deaf and dumb asylum in
the world—the grave.
When is a doctor's pocket like a mu
sic store? When it has a viol in it.
Balloons are like vagrants. When up
they have no visible means of support.
What is the difference between a bat
tered dime and a new penny. Nine cents,
What was the most remarkable fruit
in the garden, of Eden ? A human pair.
• 't-ISn't it , a little singular that man
slaughter is InagiLs laughter ?"
A girl
_once blew her lover out of
&pore. and then kissed the candle.
right up and down with me," as
the ,pump handle said.
When is a thief like a red breast ?
: Whoa he's a robbing.