BY FRED'K L. BAKER.
- -
Reading and Columbia' :Rai
TRAINSgef this road run by Reading Rail
Road time, which is ten minutes faster
than that of Pennsylvania Railroad.
OD and after Tuesday, May Ist, 1866, trains
of this road will run as follows :
Will leave Columbia at 7:25 a. as. and arrive
at Reading at 9:40 a m. and connect with the
NeaYork Express Train, which reaches that
city et 3:40 p. m., and Philadelphia at 12:45
p, in., and also connecting with trains for
Pottsville sod the Lebanon Valley. And at
Pasch O'clock in the Afternoon, arriving at
Reading at 5:15 p. m., connecting with trains
for Pottsville and the Lebanon Valley.
Trains will leave Reading at 6:20 a. m. for
Columbia, c onnecting at Landisville with Pa.
Railroad train, reaching Lancaster at 8:40 a.m.
and Philadelphia at 12:30 p. M. and arriving
at Columbia at 8:40 a. m. And also leave
Reading at 6:15 in the afternoon and arrive at
Columbia at 9:15 in the evening.
SUNDAY TRAIN: doinmencing Sunday,
Nay 6th, a Sunday Passenger Train will run
between Columbia and Reading, leaving Co
lumbia at7:3o in• the morning and arriving at
Reading at arrivi ng g leave Reading
at 6:05 p. m. at Colunibia at 8:15 p.m.
p e nmen by this train can make close con
nection at Reading for New-York and Phila
delphia, arriving at the latter place at 12:30 p.
i; returning, leave Philadelphia at 3:15 p.m,
and arrive at Reading in time to connect with
this Sunday train.
u- Through tickets to New-York, Phila
delphia and Lancaster sold at principal sta
tions, and Baggage checked through. Freight
earned with the utmost promptness and Slo
ped, at the lowest rates. Further informa
tion with regard to Freight or passage, may
be obtained from the Agents of the Compa-.
ny. GEO: F GAGE, Superintendent.
F. KEEVER t General Freight Os Ticket Agt
G RAND PRIZES
For Subscribers 'to the
Dinetioan 514te$11)ari,
4 national Weekly Family Journal
AT OM PER ANNUM.
The following splendid prizes are sent to clubs
For every club of forty subscribers a Whee
ler & lVilson best $513, Sewing Machine, with
two extra copies to the getter up of the club.
For every club of twenty, and less than 90
übscribers, we will talon $1:25 for'each sub
scriber on the price of said machine.
For every club of six, a splendid steel en
gluing of President A. Lincoln, full length,
Andrew Johnson, Gen. Grant, or Sherman,on
horseback, worth $3 each, with an extra copy
to the getter up of the club.
For every club of three, one of those splen
did steel engravings of the Union series of
NATIONAL PORTRAITS .
Comprising Presidents Johnson and Lincoln,
Lieut• Gen. Grant, Gens. Sherman, Sheridan,
Thomas McClellan, Fremont,' Admirals Far
mut and Porter, and Georgie. and Martha
Washington, each 19x24 inches, worth $2.
D3''rheee splendid portraits should adorn
every parlor.
The Statesman is the largest, cheapest and
beet family paper published, suited for every
family. Try it once and you will never be
Without it. Send for copies and get up your
dubs. Address,
AMERICAN STATESMAN,
Nassau-st., 1 .4 ew-Yerk•
January 13-61 ml
AIARIETTA. ACADEMY.
Southwest Corner of Market Square.
Marietta, Lancaster Co., Pennsylvania
This Academy having received very flatter
ing encouragement during the first session will
enter upon the second term on Monday, April
sixteenth.
The location of this school is one of the , most
healthy and pleasant in the State. Four pas
anger trains of the Pennsylvania railroad co.
Pan through the Borough daily, making it
easy of access from all parts of the State.
The t uncles taught embrace all those of al
thorougli English education, together with
Lelia, Greek, French and German languages,
Vocal and Instrumental Music.
Every branch will be taught in the most
thorough manner
Whilst the Principal will constantly aim to I
lithe thorough scholars, he still deems it ne
Cu important to inculcate moral and religious
Principles. He pledges his best exertions to
Noire the present and future welfare of those
committed to his charge.
Lectures on Philosophy, &c., will be deliv
ered before the students during the session. .
,A regular examination will be held at the
close of each term.
Truss—For boarding, washing and
light per session of five. months, $95:00
Tuition in English branches, 10:00
For Latin, Greek, French and German
—each extra, ' 5:00
Book Keeping l 6:00
1K)
catmmenial Music, 20;00
Peron§ wishing to place their sons or
( m o lars in this Institution wilkplease make
application by letter. or otherwise.
B. 8. MAXWELL,
Prtnctpal.
•
RETTAB TO
J
Rey ' j. . Lane, Wrightsville,
R.
W. Smith, Wrightsville, ..
Di'. j. Levergood, Lancaster,
Aston Baker, Chatham, Chester, co.
94 v. Robert Alexander, • Little Britain.
D. Wilson Baltimore
Samuel Lindsay, Marietta,
n e ahria A. Schaffner, "
B• D. Benjamin "
Dr. J. Cushman,
Dr. F. Hinkle, a
Thome' Zell, II
A. ti, Cassel • a
Jacob Roth, a •
Ele "Se W. Stahl
~... "
garietta, Febru a ry 3, 1866.-26tf.
ate..—_
&NIEL G. RAKER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
LANCASTER, PA.
o:-:o
OPFlurs :—No. 24 NORTH DOZE STREET
9Posite the Court House where he will at
tend to the practice of his ' pr °fusion in all its
vSrious banches. • -
DR. WM. B. FAHNESTOCIE,
"bleßt--MAIII-IT., NEARLY 09POSITZ
B Pangler & Patterson , s it:tore,
CE HOUR& FROX 7TO 816 M.
" I To S.
" 6TO 7 P. M.
ARISE LOT OF DUkE ,WINDOW
SHADES at remarkably low prices—
out
hire SPANGILEA.
•
T24.2.... - 1;1[1...ar.i,1.1..."1411.+
PUBLISRED WEEKLY,
AT ONE DOLLAR AND A RALF AMA
PAYABLE IN ADVANCE.
O f fice in ".14sne4y's Burztpura," second
floor, on Elbow Lane, between the Post
Office Corner and Pront-Et., Marietta.
Lancaster County, Pennsevania.
ADVERTISING RATES: Otoe square 00
lines, or less) 75 cents for the first insertion and
One 'Dollar and-a-half for 3 insertione. Pro
fessional anditusiness cards, of six lines or less
at 05 per annum. Note esin the reading-col
umns, ten cents a-line. Marriages and Deaths,
the aimple announcement, TREE • , but tor any
additional lines, ten cents a line.
A liberal deduCtion made to yearly end half
. ,
yearly advertisers.
Haying just= added a ",NEWBURY MOUN
TAIN JOBBER Pause," together with a large
assortment of new Job and Card type, Cute,
Borders, &c., &c., to the Job Office4of Tux
MARIETTIAN," which will insure the fne and
speedy execution of all kidtis of Jou & CARD
PRINTING, from .the smallest. Card to the .
LARGEST POSTER, at , reasonable prices.
DR. HENRY LANDIS
Dr. Henry Landis
Dr. Henry Landis
At the "Golden Mortar,"
At the "Golden Mortar,"
Market Street, Marietta,
Market Street, Marietta,
Keep constantly on Nana,
Keep constantly on hand
• Drugs,
Perfumeries,
Fancy Articles,
Patent Medicines,
Coal Oil Lamps and Shades,
Howe & Steven's Family Dye Colors,
Shoulder Braces and Trusses,
Papers and Periodicals,
Books& Stationary,
Portmonnsies,
Segars,
Prescriptions carefully compounded.
Prescriptions carefully compounded.
Remember the place,
Remember the place,
Dr. Grove's old Stand.
Dr. Grove's old Stand.
Give us a call.
Give us a call.
JACOB LIBHART, JR.,
CABINET MAKER
AND UNDERTAKER, MARIETTA, PA
1.11111111111-
IXTOULD most respectfully take this meth-
I V od of informing the citizens of Marietta
and the public in general, that, having laid in
a lot of seasoned Lumber, is now prepared to
manufacture all kinds of
CABINET FURNITURE,
in every style and variety, at short notice
He has on hand a lot of Furniture of his own
manufactuie, which for fine finish and good
workmanship, will rival any City make.
L) Especial attention paid to repairing.
He is also now prepared to attend, in all its
branches, the UNDERTAKING business, be
ing supplied with an excellent Herse. large
and small Biers, Cooling Box, &c.
14" COFFINS finished in any style—plain
or costly.
Ware Room and Manufactory, near Mr.
Duffre new building, near the "Upper-Sta
in n," Marietta, Pa. [Oct. 22.
s in A. LINDSAY, .411,0
fli.Manufacturer and Dealer in
BOOTS & SHOES,
MARKET STREET, MARIETTA, PENN.
- -
Would most respecttully inform the citizens
of this Borough and neighborhodd that he has
at this time the largest assortment of City made
work ever offered in this Borough, amongst
which may be named the new-style
Toile) Boot, Anb BAlii)o4ls
FOR THE LADIES.
A. L. being a practical BOOT. AND SHOE
MAKER enables him to select with more
ludgment than those who are not. He contin
ues to manufacture in the very best manner
everything in the BOOT AND SHOE line,
which he will warrant for neatness and fit.
Kircan and examine the new stock before
going elsewhere.
Marietta, April 14,1866.
H. L. e• E. ZAHM,
r fetuPbsst,
AtCorner of North Queen-St., , 4_
and Centre Square, Lancaster, Pa.
wE are prepared to - Sell American and
Swiss Watches at the lowest cash rates!
We buy directly from the Importers and Man
ufacturers, and can, and do sell Watches as
low aethey can be bought in Philadelphia or
New-York;
A fine stock of Clocks, Jewelry, Spectacles,
Silver and Silver-plated ware constantly_on
hand. Every articlefairly represented.
H. L. r E. J. ZAHM,
Corner North Queen Street and Centre - Square,
LANCASTER, PA.
February 17, 1866.-tf.
DR. J. Z. LIOFFER,
• - DEATIST, •
4-- OF THE BALTIMORE COLLEGE
10 .11•••• OF DENTAL SURGERY,
LATE OF HARRISBURG. -
()FPI CF.:—Front street, next door to A
Williams' - Drug Store, between Locust
end Walnut streets, Columbia. .
. .
R OBERT C. H.A.RRIS., .
~
. .. ~ .
PLASTERER.
. . ..
Having located in the Bormigh of Marietta,
would respectfully offer ;his services to the
public, and .baingAetepgpined to, .do Jiro work
well, and at leasonsbleptices, he hopes to merit
And, recoive a liberal 'hereof publicspatronage.
Marietta,- May 12, 1865.41*
gnlnpenbut Vonsgibania gournat fax te Nine girth.
MARIETTA, SATURDAY MORNING, MAY 26, 1866,
A Woman in Nan's Clothes-
Or, An Extraordinary Discovery.
A few months ago an announcement
appeared in some'of the Eng:jab news=
papers, of the death, at thfi age of seven
ty-two years, of a Dr. James Barry, an
officer on the medieil staff of the British
,
rmy. The announcement was seam-
panied by a statement of the fact that
subsequent to the demise of the doctor,
it was discovered that he was a female.
A. brief account was given of Dr. Barry's
career• in . the military service, which ex
tended over a. period of fifty years, spent
in different parte of the world, but prin-
cipally in India and the British West
Indies. The doctor, it appears, °had
been regularly educated for the medical
profession, had entered the army when
quite young, and, purely by dint of pro.
fessional skill in surgery, had risen
through various grades to' a very high
position on the staff.
The writer of this sketch was person
ally acquainted with Dr. Barry when he
was stationed at one oi the West India
stands, and it has struck him that a few
reminiscences of the doctor may prove
interesting to the public.
The doctor's personal appearance was
rather remarkable, and his habits singu•
larly eccentric. HO was diminutive in
size ( the masculine pronoun is used for
the sake of convenience ; besides which
we speak now of the doctor in his as-
slimed character) and effeminate in ap•
pearance r the face being quite smooth,
the complexion pale, and the hands and,
feet smalliand delicately shaped. His
voice was "soft and low"—according to
high authority "an excellent thing in
woman,"—and he possessed remarkable
powers of conversation, He was of an
irritable disposition, however—an infir
mity which had frequently brought him
into collision with his brother officers in
the earlier period of his career ; and the
writer had it from his own lips that he
had fought a duel, and had on several
occasions acted as second in hostile en
counters of this kind.
Doctor Barry, when the writer made
his acquaintanoe, was abqut s i xty years
old, and in rather feeble health. Re re
sided at an out-of-the-way plane, in the
s übarbs of the town; and altbough he
occasionally—but very rareli—went into
society, he saw no compaq at his house.
His only domestic was an elderly black
man, who discharked the duties of cook,
gropes and coachman. Two or three
Wool a week a woman vidnt to the house
to scrub the floors and dust the furni
ture ;• but her work was always done
during the doctor's absence from borne
as he objected to have any female about
the place while he was there.
He was not without companions, how
ever, for he kept two dogs, several eats,
a parrot, and three or four goats about
him, to all of which he seemed very
much attached. One of the dogs—a
poodle—he nursed with tender care, and
when he rode out in his carriage, either
on business or for an airing, it was always
to be seen by his side. He 14}4,11 vege
tarian ; but meals were regularly served
up at his table for his feline and canine
pets, whom he helped to choice bite
with his own hands. The goats be kept
for the sake of their milk, an article of
whieh he was very fond, and 'these, like
the dogs and cats, had the freedom of
the house, walking in and out at their
pleasure. He never tasted strong drink
of any kind, assigning as a reason for his
abstinence, and confining himself to veg.
etable food, that the taint of insanity was
hereditary in his family; and there was,
consequently, danger to him in a stimu
lating diet. The doctor's peculiarities
and eccentricities were noised over the
whole Own, and everybody laughed at
them ; but no one ever dreamed of • his
real sex. About eighteen months after
this singular being had returned to .
England from the West Indies, he died,
and khan transpired the well-kept secret
of a long life—Dr. Barry' was a woman
No clue has yet been found to unravel
the mystery aitaehing itself to his strange
history. Among the effects of the de
ceased, no papers have been found - giv
ing any Indication whatever of her fami
ly connections ( we -must change the
pronoun) or here juvenile associations.
All that is known other early life is that,
having taken the degree of , 'D;,"she
enterleillie British - army while yfittyoung
and, soon gained a •high reputation by
the nbility.she displayed in surgical op
erations, requiring an uncommon meal
nre.of nerve and skill in the 'operitor i
One little circumstance , may be mention.
din conclusion, chewing that she wish
edlerlife-long'secret-to !be buried, with ,
her. While in the West Indies, a short
tints' before •ber Teturn. to England—
which was somewhat unexpected—she
prePared a letter of instructions for the
guidance of a legal gentleman in the
colony—a Mend of hersin disposing of
her affairs, in the event of her dying in
that part of the world. _ . In that letter
she gave directions that she should, be
buried in the same clothes in which she
died, without the body being disturbed
in any way whatever after death, and
that sepulture should take place with all
possible speed. The reason for the
strange injunction is obvious ; but she
had neglected to take the same precau
tion on returning to England, and so her
secret was revealed: ,
Ctriqbus Goon FRIDAY Caarom.--Large
numbers assembled in the church yard
of St. Barthol'omeW the Great, Smith
field, for the purpose of witnessing a
very ancient and curious ceremony. It
appears' that some centuries ago a lady
who resided in the parish left by her will
certain property to forma fund.for the
preaching-of a sermon on Good Friday,
and to give to forty poor widows of the
parish sixpence each every year forever,
and it - was directed that the same should
be placed on the tombstone over her
grave. rNo provision, however. having
been made for keeping the stone in re
pair, it has so gone to decay that not a
vestige remains. The money is now,
therefore, every year deposited on the
ground where the coffin is supposed'to
have been placed. This ceremony was
gone through in the presence of the
Rev. J. Abbiss, M. A., thesector of the
parish, the churchwardens, and the per
sons who were attracted by the strange
ness of the proceedings. Afterwards
there was service in the church, with -a
sermon, as directed by the long deceased
lady. It is more than probable, howev
er, that - there would have been a sermon
on a day held in such high honor by the
Church, whether the thoughtful lady had
directed it-,or-not. \
- _ _
Di 3 AXING TUB BEST OF IT.—A French
woman, however plain, thinks it worth
while'to consult the becoming ; and the
contrast between downright ugliness
studied, alleviated, and made fresh and
trim, and the same ugliness abandoned
to its 'fate—as we have the opportunity
not seldom of seeing it—is often more
effective, as conveying a moral triumph,
than that between morn prettiness and
its opposite. It is a standing, walking
moral—a lesson that things are naver so
bad but that it is worth while to make
the best of them. People's habits' in
this respect very much depend on 'the
vfew they take of the present.
A MAN or I-nizas.—A correspondent
of the Chicago Republican has a curious
analysis of Mr. Johnson's speech on the
18th inst., to the so-called soldiers and
sailors, and it appears that in that
speech "he used the personal pronoun
172 Aimee, and me 14 times ; the pos
sessive pronoun my 14 times; we, 38
times ; us, 11 times ; our,. 6 times ; he,
referring to himself, 11 times, and his
twice—making, in all, 168 references to
himself in a speech containing not far
from 3,000 words, or one in every 18
words.
WISE SAYINOS.—Have nothing to do
with an angry man.
Take heed of whom and to whom you
speak.
Rise from the table with an appetite.
Belies° not all you hear, nor report
all you believe.
Remember thine own faults, and be
not severe upon those of other people.
" I wish to look at some shoes for
sissy," said a very important looking
lady, entering a village store. "Yes,
ma'am, - repliea ' tke obliging clerk, in
stantly displiiying a dozen pair of tiny
ankle-ties and baby-boots before the as
tonished &the. " I don't 'want these
sir. Why, sissy is my daughter, a grown
up young woman, and wears ladies' slip
pers, oprober six I"
or A traveler stopping at a Western
hotel exclaimed one morning to the
waiter,
,"What are you about, you black
r.ircLA tOr,ou . " have roused me twice
from my sleep by .telling me breakfast
is ready, and now you are attempting to
stiip off the bed=clothes." - "Why," re
plied Pompey, "if you isn't wine to ,glt
up I intit. have de shesti-anyhow, 'cause
dey'r waitin' for the table cleft:"
G - A.= baiiberremarked to a customer
in hie hands tbat he•thOuibt the cholera
*as in the . hair#4l3lkion .you. ought to.
be -very careful: Thot-,brashes ,you use."
was the topl)::: - 4,h;siri" said the bar
ber lauglifog,',"Ydidal moan the air
of the 'ed, but the" hair of the hatmos
pheiv," " „
Chinese. Juggling.
While walking on the banks of the
river, this afternoon, near the junction
With the Grand Canal, I saw some clev
er juggling. A boy, about fourteen
years Of age, performed the needle trick
in an exceedingly expert manner. Be
commenced by sticking a dozen of com
mon sewing needles upon the end of a
piece of' wood, and showed them to the
lookers on. I examined one of them,
and found it to be an ordinary sharp=
pointed needle. Having done this, he
placed thein, one after the other, be
tween-hie lips, and sucked them slowly
into - his mouth; and, to all appearance
swallowed them. He then walked
around,the circle, with his mouth open,
and allowed the people to look Into it ;
but nothing was to be seen of the
needles. He then took a crystal ball,
about the size' of a walnut, and, placing
it between his teeth, drew it into his
mouth, and, to all appearance, swallowed
it—al he opened his mouth, and it was
not visible. He then made an effort as
if bringing it up from his stomach, and
ejected it from ' his mouth—repeating
this performance several times. He
next took a long piece of thread, passed
it up one nostril and brought the end
out of his month, moving it backward
and forward by the tee ends—the one
hanging out of his nostril and the other
out of his month. He then pulled the
string out altogether, introduced it
again into his nostril by snuffing it in,
and seemed to swallow the whole piece
of string. He again swallowed the
glass ball, ejected it, and immediately
afterward drew the thread out of his
mouth with the needles strung upon it:
This is really a clever trick, showing
wonderful powers of stowing things away
in the mouth—the more so, as he was
talking the whole time. A great amount
of skill is 'exhibited, and small de
gree of risk must be run in performing
this trick, as Mr. Lockhart mentions a
case that occurred at Shangkae, where
the needles that bad been introduced in
to the mouth; ready threaded, slipped
down and became impacted into the
back part of the throat, and caused death
the fifth day afterward.
A Novm WAG . ER.—An amusing story
is going the round of the Paris clubs.
It appears that a short time ago a foreign
prince made a heavy bet that he would
be arrested by the police without com
mitting any offense whatever, or ip any
way provoking the authorities. The bet
having been taken by a member of the
Imperial Club, the prince *vent to one
of the most aristocratic cafes in Paris,
dressed in a battered hat, a ragged
blouse, and boots all in holes, and sitting
down at one of the tables, ordered a cap
of coffee. The waiters, however, paid
no attention to so suspicious looking a
customer, upon wiilch the prince put hie
hand into his pocket and showed a bun
dle of bank notes. The proprietor then
ordered the coffee to be served, sending
meanwhile to the nearest police station
for a sergeant de villa. The prince was
duly arrested and taken to the Commis
sary of Police, where he stated who he
was, and was afterwards taken to the
gentleman with whom he made the bet
to prove his identity. A similar story
was told'at Vienna sometime ago of a
Hungarian Prince Seander, M. de Met =
ternich's son-in-law, who, in order to
make his arrest quite sure, took the
bank notes out of his boots.
or What everybody says must be
true, is an old proverb. And it is a fact
beyond dispute that all tell one, story
about the almost miraculous cures per
formed by 0043'8 .Dyspepsia Cure.
Chronic and obstinate cases of Dyspep
sia of long standing will surely give way
to its curative powers. Indigestion,
sick headache, heart burn, cramps, pains
and colic, in either stomach or bowels,
souring or rising of food, constipation,
general debility, flatulency, cannot exist
when Coe's Dyspepsia Cure is used.
We beg of the afflicted to make the Ga
-1 periment ; it can be found at all drug
stores. -
sir During the war, an excited orator
on the stamp said that the women of the
country would churn out the public debt
in a feviyeais 7 ffnaginglfroui:thez:price
of'butter they hate commenced upon
the business alieady.
.
er Why is mending stockings iike
Maspheming? -Because it is darning
'what • •
J Why ie the letter A..the beet rem
edy for a deaf • woman ? Because .it
makes her' hear.
A 'mellow bond. A vagabond.
VOL. XIL-NO. 42.
%tut for Stnilog
A. prominent Bachelor politician re
marked to a lady that soapstone was ex
celleut to keep the feet warm in bed.
"Yee," said the young lady, who had
been un attractive listener, "but some
gentlemen hatre an improvement on that
which yon know nothing about." The
bachelor turned pale and maintained a
wistful silence.
A servant, newly engaged, presented
to his master, one morning, a pair of
boots, the leg of one which was much
longer than the other. " How comes it,
you rascal, that these boots are not of
the•same length 7"
" I really don't know, sir ; bat what
bothere me the most° is, that the pair
down stairs are in the same fix."
" Madam, your boy cannot pass at
half faie ; he is too large," said the con
ductor of a railway train, which had been
long defained on the road by the snow.
"He may be too large now," replied, the
matron, "but he was small enough then
we started." The conductor gave in,
and the boy passed for half fare.
A Correspondent tells of a youngster
who on being admonished by his mother
not to take all the hash from the dish,
because he should leave some for mut
tons, replied, after looking around the
table, "Well, I don't see any manners
here to eat it 1"
"Do you know the prisoner, Mr.
Wiggins ?" "Yes, to the bone."
"What is hie character?" " Didn't
know he bad any." " Does he live near
yon" "So near that he has only spent
$5 for fire wood In eight years."
" Didn't you tell me you could hold
the plow ?" said the farmer to an Irish-
man he bad taken on trial. "Be aisy,
no," says Pat. " How could I hould it
an' two horses pullin' it away ? Just
stop the craturs and hould it for ye.''
A fellow being awakened by the clerk
of a steamer, was told that he must not
occupy the berth with his boots. He
very considerately replied, "Oh, the
bugs won't hurt 'ern, I guess ; they're an
old pair."
It is a vain thing for you to stick your
finger in the water, and pulling it out,
look for a hole: it is equally vain to
suppose that, however large a apace you
occupy, the world will miss you, when
you die.
"Can you tell," asked a blooming lees
of a suitor once, " what ship carries
more . assengers than the Great East
ern ?" "Well, miss, really I don't think
I can." " Why, it is courtship," replied
the maiden with a conscious blush.
A German writer says a young girl is
a fishing-red. The eyes are the hook,
the smile the bait, the lover the gudgeon
the marriage the batter in which he is
fried. What will the girls say of that
German ?
"I think you must allow," said a pom
pons gentleman, "that my jests are very
fair." " Sir, your jests are like yourself,"
was the quick retort ; " their age ren
ders them respectable."
In Cork, Ireland, a short time ago,
the crier of the court endeavored to sup
press the crowd by exclaiming, "All ye
blackguards that isn't lawyers, lave the
coon."
Law and Clothes.—The difference be
tween a suit of clothes and a suit at law
is this—one. provides you with pockets,
and the other empties them.
What precious stone should have
been placed at the gate of Eden after
the 'expulsion ?—Adamantine.—(Adam
ain't in.)
This world and the next resembles
the east and the west ; you cannot draw
near to one without turning your back
on the other.
The last-toast—the Ladies : may their
virtues exceed even the magnitude of
their skirts, while their faults are still
smaller than their bonnets.
A man in Detroit advertises for a
partner. in the nursery business. A new
way,- perhaps, of advertising for a wife.
What notes compose the moat favor
able tunes, and what do they compose ?
Bank-noteserthey make for-tunes.
. The man who Couldn't "trust his feel
ings" is supposed to do business entire
ly on the cash bisid.
Whyis a prudent man like a pin ?
Because hie head prevents him from
going to far.
Vcanted. -A lock of hair from the
head enavigation.
He that oan keep his temper is better
than he that can keep a carriage. r -
What length ought a lady's et/
to be-2 A little above two feel
dc.--