Newspaper Page Text
BY FRED'K L BAKER.
TRAINS of this road run by Reading Rail
Road limo, Which is ten minutes faster
thsn that of Pennsylvania Railroad.
s its OR TIM ROAD. RUN AS FOLLOWS:
LEA VIIVG COLUMBIA AT
rm. A. Passenger train fo
'UV Reading and intermediate stations
nntecting at Lankisville, daily, except Mon
,hly, with Erie Express of P. R. reaching
Philadelphia at 10:30 in the morning ; leaving
Illankeirn at 7:41; Litiz at 7:54; Ephrata at
Reinholdsville at 8:50 ; Sinking Springs
, t me.; and arriving at RI ailing at 9:35 a. In.
At Reading-connection is made with Fast Ex
press :Cain of East Pennsylvania-Rail Road,
aching New-Aroric at 2:30 P. M. with train
of Philadelphia and Reading Railroad, reach
az Philadelphia at 1t43 p. tn., and also with
rains for Pottsville,Lebanon Valley and
P. NI.-- , PASSEIy , GER TRAIN
'h. lo for Readil" sad intermediate sta
ins, connecting at andisville at 2450 P. M.
with Express trains of Penn's. R. R., both
East and West, leaving Manheim at 3:26; Litiz
3:41; Ephrata at 4:10 ; Reintaoldsville 4:37 ;
Finking Springs 5:03 and arriving at Reading
, 13: 20 P. itt. At Reading connection is made
vith trains for Pottsville and Lebanon Valley.
LEAVE READING AT
I A A • M.—PASSENGER TRAIN
0; Wila Columbia and intermediate sta
ms,teacin,,v Sinking Springs at -6 26 ; Rein
holdsville at 6 54, Ephrata at 7 2!, Litiz at
7 54, Matilteint at S OS, making connection at
Landisville with train of Penn'a
reading Lancaster at 8:33 A. M. and Phila
delphia at 42:30; arriving at Columbia at 9
o'clock, A. M., there connecting the Ferry for
Wrightsville and Norlhern Central Railroad,
at II:45 A. 11.1. with train of POnn'a. Railroad
far the West.
p r.„w—Mail Passenger Train. for
f ' t j Columbia and in tertneniate stations
aith passengers leaving New- York at 12 M.,
and Philadelphia at 3:30 P. M., leaving. Sink
ing Springs at 6:31 ' • Reinholdsville 6:b6 ; Eph
rata 7:20; Dila 7:4S ; Manheim S:O3 ; connec
ting at Landisville with an Express train of
Um P. 11 It. fur Lancaster and Philadelphia,
reaching Philadelphia at 11:30 p. in. and ar
form; at Columbia at 8:5 P. M.
a•Tbe Plrasure Travel to Ephrata and
LitC7 Springs Iron New-York, Philadelphia,
Wintore and other poiMs, is by this schedule
accommodated several times per day with Ex
pregi trains connecting in all directions.
rPThraseti tickets to New-York; Phila.-
Zelplaa and Lancaster sold at principal stn
ions. Frdight carried with utino promt
eta and dispatch, at the lowest rates.
Further information with regard to Freight
or pnasenim, may be obtained 'from the agentt
of the Comprrae.
AI EN LigN CO Li EN, Superintendent.
E. F. KEEV Eft, (ieneral Freight and Tieltes
A new article in this market, and far supetiol :
to any oilier in use. A few reasons why . :
First.-- They are free from twine, Which is
;dated ty the lime, and liable to rut, cans
keg the Winn; out of the bristles.
Second.—The bristles are inserted in the
Weed, or body of the brush, when green, which
when dry, causes them to be held firmly in
their place ; any subsequent soaking or shrink
age lads to street them.
Third.—They are made of Bristles exclusive
1y ; many kinds being composed, in part, of
.Forth•—They contlon snore bristles for the
Eze, and are as elle , p as the ordinary kind.
Sold exclusively by JO FIN SP NGLER,
AT MR iiiRDWARE STORE
rilitaP READ Y-MADE PLOTHING I!
}laving just teturrted from the city with
s nicely selected lot of Ready-mode,Clothing,
which the undersigned is prepared to furnish at
reduced prices; having laid in a general assort
ment of men and boys' clothing, which he is
&tern Med to sell to w „roe CASH. His stock
c0n313! . 3 of (I vEA-COATS, DRESS, FROcK AND
SACIi COATS, PANTS, VESTS, PEAJACKETS,
lloL'ooeouTs, (knit) (WERRA ULS, CAAV2VES,
D RAWERS, Sir (SSTs, 110ISERV, UN DEIISIIIRTS,
GI oVES,SUsPENDERS, &c. Everything in the
Furnishing Goods line. Call and examine he
,ro purchasing elsewhere. Everything sold at
iiceS Ai suit the times. JOHN BELL.
, )rner of Elbow'. Lane and Market Si
next tiOr . to Cassers,gtore.
ELL & BOURKE,
AND WINDOW SHADES,
East Corner Fourth and Market streets,
Altooys in store, a large stock of
LINEN AND OIL SHADES.
ugust 243 1865.-3rdj
HENRY lI.4RP E t2,
550 ARCH STREET, nli*:
AND SUPERIOR SILVER-PLATED., , WA"'
rat National Bank of Marietta
tIS BANKING ASSOCIATION
RATING CO MPLETED ITS ORGANIZATION
is now prepared to transact all kinds of
The Board of Directors meet weekty,
Wednesday, for discount and other birsiness.
*flank ifours : From 9A•atto 3 P.
JOHN HOLLINGER, PRESIDENT..
4403 B OWMAN, Cashier. •
'ilf You want a
rst-rate Black or Fancy Silk
A neat or gay challie or De Leine
A lioperior Black or ftin4 ' Wool De Laine
A . fine or medium Black or Colored
4 good Lavelle, De Beige or Poplin
Excellent Chintz or good Calico
You wi l l A Frenc,
fin Engdlishit at or Shambry Gingham
SPANGLER & RICH'S
ri ElkleyTjaPii,NaT4sll, i I Iie S y P , O , ItTSMEN 111
-84,P!'ilvE Sporting and Glazed Duck
khnlore Shot; Shot Pouches, Powder I'las l / 4 s,
1 4 at
. • JOHN SPANGLER'S.
CF. HAVANA SEGARS, and the
best Chewing and Smoking Tobacco at
(1. tit Cl aTi-i../Itt.^:talik.,
AT ONE DOLLAR AND A RALF A YEAR,
PAYABLE IN _ADVANCE
Office in " -LINDSAY'S BUILDING," second
,door, on Elbow Lane, between the Post
Odic. , Corner and Front• St., Marietta,
Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.
ADVERTISING RATES: One squire (10
lines, or Tess) 15 cents for the first insertion and
One Dollar and-a-half for 3 insertions. Pro
fessional and Business ca: ds, of six lines orless
at $5 per annum. Notices in the reading col
umns, ten cents a-line. Dlarriages and Deaths,
the simple announcement, ?EIDE ; but for any
additional lines, ten cenis a line.
A liberal deduction made to yearly e tid half
Having just added a " NEWBURY Molitt-
TA IN JOBBER PRESS," together with a large
assortinent of new Job and Card type, Cuts,
Borders, &c., &c., to the Job Office of "THE
MA RI ETTIA .which will insure the f ne and
speedy execution of ail kinds of JOB & CARD
PRlNTErra,:from the smallest Card to the
LARGEST POSTER, at reasonable prices
jEltatt of ljt fFtnititrz
BY WILLIAM CULLEN BRYANT.
The melancholy days have come,
The saddest of the year,
Of wailing winds and naked woods,
And meadows brown and sear.
[leaped in the hollows of 'the grove,
The withered leaves lie dead,
They rustle to the eddying gust,
And to the' rabbit's tread.
The robin and the wrens are flown,
And from the shrubs the jay,
And froth the wood top calls the crow,
Through all the gloomy day;
Where are the flowers, the fair young
That lately sprang and stood,
In brighter light and softer air,
A beauteous sisterhood ?
Alas, they are all in their graves;
The gentle race of flowers
Are lying in their lowly beds,
With the fair ancrgood of ours.
The rain is fulling where they lie,
But the cold November rain
Callsnot from out the gloomy earth
The lovely ones again.
The wild flower and the violet;
'l'hey perished long ago,
And the briar rose and the orchis died,
Amid the summer glow.
But on the hill the golden red,
And the aster in the wood,
And the yellow sun flower by the brook,
In Autumn beauty stood,
Till fell the frost from the clear, cold
As falls the plague on men,
And the brightness of their smile was
From upland, glade and glen.
And now, when comes the calm mild day,
As still such days will come,
To call the squirrel and the bee
From out their wintry home.
When the sound of .dropping nuts is
Though all the trees are still ;
And twinkle in the smoky light
The waters of the rill.
The south winds searches for the flowers,
Whose fragrance late he bore.
And sighs to flock them in the wood
And by the stream no more.
And then I think of one who in
Iler youthful beauty died,
The fair, meek blossom that grew up,
And faded by our side-;
In the cool, moist earth we laid her,-
W ben the 'forest cast the leaf,
And we wept that - one so lovely,
.Should have a life so brief;
Yet not utmost it was that one,
Like that young friend of ours,
So gentle and so beautiful,
Should perish with the flowers. -
How DARE You?—An amusing little
episode recently occurred in a railroad
car. Shortly after the train had left
the depot, an old lady =jumped .-up and
addressed a gentleman seated behind
her, with " How dare you,? What are
you at ?" The astonished gentleman
replied that he had done nothing: -The
lady again seated herself, but in a few
moments arose, fall of, rage and terror,
and declared her neighbor was a "
Ilan," and, on arriving at the next sta
tion was about to:have him , -arrested,
when, luckily, the cause of her agitation
was discovered—in the shape of a goose,
which, placed in•a basket.under the seat
occupied by the lady had during the
voyage, amused. itself by: pecking at her
un'derstandings." The discovery of
the: criminal created great laughter
among the passengers.
et- Why should marriage he spoked
of a tender tie, when it is so confoun
ded tough that nothing bnt deatlr can
cut it ?
lY IlubtptiMut romiliania *line for zee gonte (firth.
MARIETTA, SATURDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 11, 1865.
The Search for John Smith.
John Smith married my father's great
_daughter, Melinda Bryne.
Consequently I was a relative to John.
John's family had often visited us at
our quiet country borne, and at each vis
it had most cordially pressed us to return
the compliment. .
Last October business called me sud
denly to the city of B—, where our
releitives resided, and without having
time to write and apprise them of my
coming, I was intending a visit to the
family of Mr. John Smith.
With my accustomed carelessness, I
had left his precise address at home in
my notebook ; but I thought little of it;
I could easily find him, I thought to my
self, as the cars set me down amid the
smoke and bustle at B—.
I inquired for my relative of the first
hackman I came across.
Ile looked at me with an ill suppress
ed grin. What was the fellow laughing,
at? To be sure my clothes were not of
the very latest cut, and it is not just
the thing for any one out of the army to
wear blue with bright buttons ; but my
coat was whole, and my Aunt Betsy had
scoured the buttons with whitening and
soft soap until they shone like gold. 1
repeated my question with dignity.
"Can you direct me to the residence
of Iklr. Smith ?"
Mr. ?" he said slowly
" Yes, sir, Mr, JOill2 Smith. lie mar
ried my father's great uncle's daughter,
"I don't think know a John Smith
with a wife Melinda."
John Smith seemed to he a common
noun with Lim, from the peculiar tone
ho used in speaking of that individual.
?" remarked I " then there is
more than one of that name in this city ?"
" I rather think there is."
"Very well, then. Direct me to the
nearest." The nearest is in West street.
Second left hand corner—you'll see the
name on the door."
I passed on, congratulating myself on
the cordial welcome . 1 should receive
from John and Melinda.
I soon reached the place—a handsome
house with the name on a silver door
plate—l rang the bell—a servant ap
" Mr. Smith in ?"
"No, sir; Mr. Smith is in the army."
"Mrs. Smith—is she ?"
"In the army ?--ob, no-8110'8 at the
"This is Mr. John Smith's house, is
" It is."
" Was his wife's name Melinda, and
was she a Bryne before she was inßrried,
The man reddened and responded an
"I'll not stand here to be insulted!
Make off with yourself or. I'll call the
police. I thought from the first that
you was an entry thief, but you don't
play no game on me !" and he banged
the door in my face.
I a thief ! if I had not been in such a
hurry to Lind the Smiths I should have
given that rascally fellow a sound chas
tising on the spot.
Inquiry elicited the fact that a John
Smith resided in Arch street. Thith 9 r
I bent my steps, A maid -servant
swered my ring.
" Mr. Smith in?"
Be - fore the girl could reply, a big,
red faced man jumped out of the shad
ows behind the door,iad laid his hea . vy
hand upon my shoulder.
"Yes, air," he cried in a voice of
thunder. " Mr. Smith is in I Yes, sir ;
for once he'S in. He'siayed at home
day on purpose to catch you! andsnoW,
by Jupiter! I'll have my revenge I"
"Sir," said I, " there must be some
mistake. Allow me to inquire if you are
Mr. John Smith?"'
" I'll inform you about Mr. John
Smith in a way you won't relish,
don't settle the damages forthwith.
Five thOusand dollars is the very lowest
fignres—and you_ must leave .the coon-,
"Good gracious !" I cried; " what do
you take me for? You'd,better be care
ful, or you'll get your head caved in l"
" I'll cave your head in for, you, you
young villain, you!" cried he, Springing
at me with his cane.
"Oh, John, dear John.l" exclaimed a
shrill femaleyoice, and a tall figure in
a sea of flounces bounced down the stair
way, 6 ' Don't_ don't I fgt.
_the love , of
heaven--..don't murder him 1 ."
" WhNo : the deuce dos ontake.me for V'
cried my temper rising:
It looks Well - for yotilto ask that
queittiOn.l l '- sneered the . man; "yon have
won my wife's heart, and are here now '
to plan to elope with her 1 I've found-it
all out—you needn't blush, and—"
" I beg your pardon. for interrupting
you," said I, "but I have never seen
your wife before. I perceive she. is not
Melinda, the eldest daughter, of my fath
er's great uncle—"
" Sir, do you deny you are William
Jones ? Do you deny that You are in
love with my wife?
"I am not a Jones—l have not the
honor, sir. My name is Parkwell, Hen
ry Parkwell, of Squashville 1" and with
a bow I took myself
After that I had called at the resi
dences of three John Smiths—none or
which was my Mr, Smith—and nothing
occurred worthy of note.
My nest Mr. Smith resided in Port
land street. Thither . I bent my steps.—
It was a very small house—evidently
not the house of wealth and,cleariliness.
I, made'my way up the. front door,
through a wilderness of old rags, broken
crockery, old tinware, etc:, scattering a
flock of bons, and rousing a snappish
little terrier from his nap on the steps.
A red faced woman answered my rap,
but before I could . make my customary
inquiry, she opened upon me like a two
".Well, of all the impudent rascals
that, ever. I see, you beat the lot !' I
wait to know if you had the cheek to
come back here again ? You'd like to
sell me another German silver tea-pot,
and another brass bosom- pin, to dear
Araminty—wouldn't you ?"
"By no means," said I : "I beg to
"Oh, you needn't beg I We don't be:
lieve in beggars I I espose,you thought
I shouldn't know you—but T did! I
should know that black bag of yours in
Californy I Clear out of in premises,
or I'll lay my broom handle over you
If there is anything I hate, it's a ped
dler—especially a rascal like you !"
"Allow me to inquire," said I "if
Mr. Smith's wife was Melinda Bryne,
the eldest daughter of my father's—"
The broomstick was lifted; I heard
it cut the air like a minnie bullet, and
sprang down the steps into the street at
my best pace,
An angry man I do not fear; but who
can stand before an angry woman?
had rather face a roaring lion.
I called on two more Smiths—still
unsuccessful in my search. It was= get
ting near dark, and >I was more than
anxious -to reach my destination.
My next Mr. Smith was located in
Lenox street, It was twilight when I
rang the bell at his door.
A smiling fellow ridmitted me, fairly
forcing me into the hall before I could
utter a word. -
" Walk right in, sir, they are expect
ing you .l The ladies:will be down in a
moment, Miss Hattie is in the back
parlor. Walk right in, sir."
• I was gently pushed toward the door
of a shadowy apartment, and at, the en
trance I was announced: •
" Mr. Henry I"
The gas was not lighted and the apart
ment was iu seMi.darkness. I heard a
soft, quick footfall'on the carpet, and ' a
,pair of arms fell around' my neck, and a
pair of the sweetest lips on'the footstool
touched miae; and 'good gracious—for a
moment Abe world.switm ; .andi felt as
if I had been stewed,in honey, and dis
tilled into Lubin's best triple ,extract of
"Oh„ flanry—my: dearest and 'best!
Why don't you.kiis, me, Henry 7" cried
a voice like music, " have yowceased to
care for mei".• and again the,kisa was,re
peated. • •
Who could resist the temptation ? I
am naturally a diffident man, but have
some - human nature in me, and I paid
her principal and interest
“Oh, Henry,"l had so feared that being
in the army had ilade - YOA cold-heiited,
good - heavens'!" Eqie fell 'against
a chair pale as death. The servant had
lit the Bast and I= stood revealed...
"•I beg:your pardon, ma'am," 'said -I
" there is•evidently some niistake. May
I. inquire if Mr. Sinithts wife=was .M.elin
da Bryne, the , eldest= daughter of my
father's great uncle ?"
The, re - sl,flush,came to, the yunug,lady's
check,—she was,ashandsome as a ,pic
tnre—and she replied ,w4tll conrteay.:,,
She was not. Yon will, I hope, ex
cuse me for the blunder I have commit.
ted 2, We are, expecting my brother,
Henry, from Abe sirmy,, and y,our , blue,
"For which I shall always wear blue,"
I replied gallantli. '‘Allow- me to in
tiodace inyselfrrini Healy%
of' Squashville and in making
ottoman, and fell smash into a china
closet, demolishing at leaat a dozen
plates and as many glass tumblers.
I sprang to my . feet—Leeized my bag,
and without a word , dasbed oat of the
I knocked over a man who was pass
ing at the moment, and landed myself
on my head, in the ,gitter. eThe man
picked himself up, and , was about to
make a display of muscle,' when the
glare of the street lamp revealed to. me
the well-known face.of my John Smith.
Vureka I" cried I. "Allow me to
inquire if your wife was Melinda, the
eldest daughter of my father's great
uncle Byrne ?"
" She was ?" said be grasping my
hand, "and I am delighted to see you!
But confound it ! —you needn't have
come at a fellow so I"
But I most cut my story short.
He took me home with. him;, and I
had a good visit,; I saw Melinda• to my
heart's, content. Nay more—l met and
was properly introduced to Hattie
Smith—and—well I am having a new
suit of clothes made—and in doe time
they will be married—myself in them—
to the young lady just alluded to.
OLD MAIDS.-HOW unjust, how cruel
and heartless is the world toward the
old maid I Receiving with favor the
bachelor, it reviles the spinster, as
though upon her forlorn self, culminated
all the miseries of single cursedness.
Yet in the heart of every old unmarried
woman, lies a deep, unspoken. tragedy.
What trials, what afflictions, what sor
rows have, not schooled that pow quiet
What sublime, unknown, uncompre
handed self-sacrifices have been nseded
in the past to produce the silent resig
nation of the present, who shall venture
to say? Within such a heart- there..is
buried a tragedy of fate, full, of endless
melancholy and -renunciation.; full of
tranquil pains and inaudible
full of deceived,, disappointed, .derided,
and, what is worse, of never comprehen
How many have taken upon them
selves the burden of a household„ stand
ing in thepass and warding off care and
danger from those committed to their
trust, toiling, striving, educating little
brothers and dear young sisters, thinking
not of themselves, but laying- ail- upon
the, altar •of dirty, or perchance soothing
the age of a cherished parent, going Um
and out of years, the heart throb stifled,
the hopes she had. cherished blighted,
withered, dead, of whom the world
knows not.• Wit' her life is known of
the angels; her name is spokenlender
ly of them. Inasmuch as she has given
so shall she receive ; self sacrifice - and''
abnegation crowned at last'for a v life lost .
below, a crown gairied. above ; for years
of solitude •an eternity of unending bliss.
Old maids ! may the' blessing of °God
and little children be upon them!
"Goon-Bre, Or Aux:—ln the hos
pital at Nashville, a Short time ago, a
wounded hero was lying upon the ampu
tation table, under the influence of chlo
roform. They cut off his strung right
arm and, cast it, all bleeding, upon :the
pile of human limbs. Then they lifted
him, gently upon his couch.' He awoke
from his stupor and , missed his arm:
With his left hand he lifted the cloth,
and there was nothing but the tory
stump. " Where's my arm '1" he cried.
"Get my arm: I want -to see' it once'
more—my strong • right rirm." They
brought , tt to-him—He`-took hold of the
clammy fingers "
,' and, looking
steadfastly at the poor, dead member.
thus addressed it with tearful earnest
ness : Good.bye r old arm. You'll neier,
fire another carbine, nor swing another.
sabrd for the Government, , and the tears
rolled down his cheeks., He then said-
to those standing by :—Understand, I
don't rngret its loss. It has been . torn•
from mi body that not one Stale should=
be torn from this glorious Union."
Ikir A good story istold about the
Rev. Robert J. Breckinridge, who was
temporary,chairman . of ; the Baltimnre r
Convention, last yeqr, and the, late.
Thomak F, l!darshall„..Kentucky.,,
Both "WiShing to establio a ropytation,
in early life, measnrenatices.with hen
ry gin and of'conyse got the worstmf
it. A,few years afterwardi the-two met.
—the hitter being on one of his mato
matVspraes..l law.yer exclaiMed to
the divinel: "Al I Rotvit, was, an: lin- -
lucky 'day,f9r.us When, we tilted Agi L in s t,
the Great Harry 'ltdrove me to the
bOttle 4 andloii - ty the pulpit, 'Bob
Pirif - 'dt:ti6k sight closer to - bly:fliat
than yoti have tb Yours."-'
we... What-fruit dogs a netvlpmarried
couple most resemble ?—A greeu pear.
VOL. XIL---NO. 14.
A King Combusting
`On the first confinement of seidlitz
pthiders to, the capital of Delhi, the
monarch was deeply interested in the
accounts of the refreshing beverage. A
box was brought to the King in full
caurt, arid - the interpreter explained to
his gajesty bow it was to be used. In
to a goblet he put the contents of the
twelve blue papers, end, having added
water, the king drank it off. This was
the alkali, and the royal countenance
exhibited no signs of satisfaction. It
was then,explained that in the combi
nation of the two powders lay the luxu
ry ; and the twelve white powders were
quickly dissolved in water, and as eager
ly swallowed by his Majesty. With a
shriek that will never be forgotten, the
monarch rose, staggered, and, in his
agony, screamed " . Hold me down !"
Then, rushing from the throne, he lay
prostrate on the floor. There he lay
during, the long-continued effervescence
of.the compound, spirting like ten thou
sand pennyworths of imperial pop, and
believing himself in the agonies of death
-a <Melancholy and convincing proof
that kings are mortals.
"Win Saws" :—Take heed of a co
quette, a prophetess, and a Latin•taught
woman. Take heed of a widow thrice
Married, and a step•mother. Take heed
of wind that , comes in at a hole, and a
reconciled enemy. When you enter a
house leave your anger at the door.
Ha bath no leisure who useth it not.
The wife is the key of the house. Nev
er waste time, health or friendship, He
bath not lived that lives not after death.
A pleasure long expected is i i enernlly
dearly paid for. Therich seldom know
their friendi. He that marries late,
marries ill. The tongue is a weapon
that may wound him that wields it. He
that pities another remembers himself.
He that gives in season gives double.
.George Augustus Sala, in a recent
article on "American Young Ladies,"
says they are the moot accomplished
talkers in the world. Their readiness
of diction, their facile flow of ideas, their
quickness, of apprehension, are really
and - truly astonishing. An American
girl has something smart and sparkling
and voluble to say on every subject.
Yon teaming belle in the balcony, with
the cataract curls and the illusion waist,
desPises- such mean and mechanical
trumpery as needles and thread. She
has-plenty to say for herself. Nay, con
versationally, she would give you fifty
and beat you easily at a hundred up.
She never stammers and never hesitates.
Cr Sharp boys evidently grow in
Wepella county, lowa. The Courier
gives a speciinen brick. It says :
"A few days ago a young schoolmis
tress in this county was taking down
the names and ages of her scholars, at
Chi commencement of the term, She
asked a little white-headed boy;, Bab,
how old are you ?" "lie I i* name
ain't Bub, it's John:!!- " Well," said
the schoolmistress, "What is the rest of
your name ?" "Why, that's all the
name I've got—jist John." "Well what
is your father's name ?" "Yon need not
put pap's name down, he ain't comen
to school any; he'r 'to big to go to
school." "Well, how old are you ?"
" I ain't old at all, I'm young."
PRINTER AVANTED.-A Southern jour
nal contains the following advertise
ment :—"Wanted; at this office, a jour
neyman, printer—one - who can do press
and job work, is a good Union man, be
lieves in 'the existence of a God, and
don't drink whisky: To such a man
steady employment and good wages will
-A fellow; Ulf seas over, and tack
ing on both sides of the way, yesterday
incpiirad the direction to a certain street.
" Keep straight ihead," was the reply,
" Straight ?" exclaimed the fellow, just
ready to go upon the other tack, "
can't go that.?
The orator who "carried away his au
ckier.ice" is earnestly and humanely re
quested to bring, ; it back, by persons
!wilco had friends present.
er When was Ruth. very rude to:
Boaz ?-- , When she. pulled his ears acid
trod. on his corn.. .:
o r Boys area gocid, deal like Farina
j e fiim - j, 3 4 4, 4t10#.t mould them they are
ile'Why is love, tike ix :duck's foot?
Because-it, often, lies hidden under OAP
Or' Why da e. beard like
sense ? Because no woman po