BrFRED'K L. BAKER.
DR. HOOFLAND , S
GERMAN BITTERS,
Prepared by Dr. C. MI Jackson,
Philadelphia, Pa.
IS NOT A BAR-ROOM. DRINK, OR A
SUBSTITUTE FOR RUE,
Or an Intoxicating Beyerage, but a highly con
centrated vegetable Eatiract, a Pule Tonic,
free from alcoholic atimulent or injurious drugs,
and will effectually cure •
Liver Complaint.
Dgepepeia, and
Jaundice.
HISOFLAIUYS GERRIABI BITTERS
WILT. CORE EVERY CASE OF
Chronic or Nervous Debility. Disease of the
Kidneys, and Diseases arising from a
Disordered Stomach.
OSSEPA'M THIS' FOLLOWING SYMPTOMS
resulting from disorders of the digestive organs:
Constipatioa, Inward Piles, Pu,ness or Stood
to the Head, Acidity of the StOmach, NaUse,
Heartburn, Disgust for rood, Fullness
we ht in the Stomach, sour eructations, slot
wig' or fluttering of - tne Pit of the Stomaci
iwitoming of the Head, hurried .and diffieui
',teething, fluttering at the heart, choking n
sufrOCating sensations when in a lying posturT
dullness of vission, ,dots or webs before lb
sight, fevet and dull pain in the head, defici
ency of perspiration, yellowness of the ski
and eyes, pain ita the side, back, chest, lirub
Sec., sudden flushes of heat, burning in the (lest
constant imtnaginings of evil, and great ch
pression of spirits.
HOOFLAND'S. GERMAN BITTERS
WILL GIVE SOU
A Good Appetite,
Strtmg A ow*,
Healthy Nerves,
.Heady Nerves,
litiele Feelings,
Energetic Feelings,
Healthy Relings,
A Good Constitution,
A Stroug Constitutio
A Healthy Constitution,
A Sound Constitutio
WILL MAN.E THE WEAK STRuNG,
Will k o the
Delicate licaity,
Will make the
Will make Oa
Depressed Lively,
‘llll make the
Bellew Complexion Clear,
Will make the Dull eye
Clear and Bright.
rrwin prove a' lessing in every
4:1 1- Can be mold with perfect safety by mule
or Female, Old ur Young.
PARTICI LAR NOTICE.
There tire many preparations soh) under the
name of !titters, put up in quart bottles, com
pounded n 1 the cheapest 1 1 hiskey or common
Rom, costing from 20 to 40 cents per gallon,
lie taste disguised by Anise or lioriander seed.
This class of Bitturs has caused and will con
.inue to Cllllso, as long as They can be sold,
duntiretis to die tt e death of a drunkard. By
heir use the system is kept continually under
the influence of alcoholic stituulnots of the
worst kind, the desire for liquor is createt and
l.ept up, and the result is all the horrors at
tendant upon a drunkard's life and death. Be
ware of them.
Fur those who desire and will have a liquor
bitters, we publish the following receipt:
Cal one bottle Lloolland's German Bitters and
mix with three quarts of good Whiskey or
Brandy, and the result will be a preparation
t,,t will tar excel in medicinal virtues and
true excellence any of the numerous liquor
bitters in the market, and mill cost much teas.
You will have all the virtues of Thwiland's Bit
ters in connection with a good , article of liquor
and at a much less price then these inferior
prepaiattons will cost you.
DELICATE CHILDREN.
Those suffering from maraenus, wasting
sway, with scarcely any Beth on their bones
are' cured iu a very short tune ; one bottle in
such cases, will. have. most surprising effect,
DEBI:ATV.
Resulting from Fevers of any kind—these bit
ters will renew your strength in a short time.
KEY Ea ANo AGUE: The chills will not re
turn if these Hitters are used. No person in a
fever and ague district should be without theca
.....
- t _ .... ........ .....
Peon Rev, J. _Newton Brown' D. -11., Editor
of the Encyclopedia of Religious Knowledge.
Although not eisposed to favor or recbinmend
Patent Medicines in general, through diettost
of their ingredients and effects; I yet know
of no Mem ant reason why a man may not tes
tify to the benefits he believes himself to have
received from any simple preparation, in the
hope that he may thils'contribute to the bene
fit of others.
I do Glib more -readily in regard to Hootland's
German Bitters, prepared by Dr. C. M. Jackson
because I was prejudiced against them for a
number of years, under the impression that
lIILY were chiefly an alcoholic mixture. lam
indebted to my friend Rob't Shoemaker, esq.,
for the removal of this prejudice by proper
tests, aqd for encouragement to try. Ahem, when
suffering from great and long debility- The
use of three bottles of these bitters, at the be
ginning of.the present year, was followed by
evident relief, and restoration to a degree of
bodily and metal vigor which I had not felt
for six months before,and bad almost dispair
ed of regaining. I therefore Thank God and
my friend for directing me to the use of them.
• J. NEWTON Briows.'
Philadelphia, June 23", 1562.
S.
A TTEIN TION, SOL DIE Fi
AND ,THE • FRIENDS OF SOLDIERS.
We call the attention , of all having relations
or friends in the army' to the fact that "Hoof
land's Gertnan Bitters" wilt cure nine-tenths
o f
the diseases induced by privation and ex
posures incident to camp life. In the has
published. almost daily in the newspapers, on
the arrival of the sick, it will be noticed that
very large proportion are suffering from de
bility. Every case of that kind can be reedi
t)* cured by Hoofland's German Bitters- We
have no hesitation in stating that, if these bit
ters are freely used among our sordiere, hund-,
reds of lives might be _saved that otherwise
would be• lost.
The proprietors are daily receiving thankful
letters from !sufferers in the army and hospi
tals,who have been restored to health by the use
of these Bitters, sent to--them by their friends.
Beware of counterfeits! See that the sig
nature of "C. M. Jackson," is OR thd wrapper
of each bottle.
PRICES.
Taste Size, $ l:tlO per bottle, or dozen for-$6.
Medinin size, 745 c per bottle, or, dozen for $4.
The larger size, on account of the quantity
the bottles hold, are much the cheaper.
Should your nearest druggist not have the
article, .416 not be put off
mayny of the intoxi
cating preparations that be o ff ered in its
Place, but * semi to us,and we will forward,
securely peaked, by xpress.
Primitlial Ore and Manufactory,
too. oal AROII STREET.
JONES & EVANS,
(Successors to C. M. Jackson Si- G 0.,)
Proprietors.
For 'Sale by 011Igginte and dealers in every
town inthe tpra d ROM nial . :113•1Y
T.#,t l';lll.'..aTift-Lian
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umns, fire cents a-line. Martiagesand'Deaths,
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A liberal deduction made to yearly and half
yearly advertisers.
Having recentled added a large lot of new
Job and Card type, CIIO, Borders, &c., to the
Job Office of ca The Mariettian," which will
insure the fine execution of aA kinds of Jos &
CARD PRINTIN . G 3. front the smallest
Card to . the largest Poster, at prices to stilt the
War times.
Lloyd, I leurytTlikialer,
, a,ns, J oaqi h'oKlia eel ti
rat, - (- 11 W alVerultn, -.
iivteh._ Frank 'SrinderS, .:.
ly;.: Isaac T W '
ilson.,
Me, ' ••. Nelson Devii3e.
:It away, J ohn; )Vesley; (col)
te,.„ ~. e
,
.JamesFrrte • '
• •
Reese, • ~GlSteGlaughlin
'rely . - `i; F,:tialdernari-k..:
Jitnith, JOhn , lleisitikir','
;owlet', Goo W Gruver,
le,, ‘V m Janus.
T % , valhis, colored,
a as, (34 . y) labor,r,
er, Swill ll: MAtxtun,
mick, .1 G Hess.
letnan, W A. Martin,
'letter, John Bender,
Pinney, Geo Po.well,
_:sus, Wm
: Thompson,
tobert Irwin, colored,
4e o W Horner, Conrad Fetter.
titarch Haines, William 'Welcome,
eo hippy. . colored,
leo \I Hall, James gchroeder,
John It-Haines.:. C.,, Webster,
David Welsh (20y) 'Thos W Veazey,
laborer, W F •.ockhavd,
:Jacob F Fisher, V G Fullerton,.
II R Knotwell, - Wash Di•nny,'
g A Hogentogler, Grois 11 Brooks,
Thin Stout,
Sailing down the crowded street,
lScraping every one they ;fleet,
With a rushing whirlwind sound,
Muffled bells around abound.
Hoop! hoop' hoop!
What a vast, e)tpansive swoop
Hoops of whalebone, short and crisp,
Hoops of wise, thin as a wisp;
Hoops of brass, thirteen yards long,
Hoops of steel, confirmed and Strong ;
Hoops of rubber, soft and slick:,
Hoops of roping, bungling thick;
Hoops of lainpwick, cord, and leather,
Hoops that languish in wet weather;
Hoops that spread out 'silken skirts,
Hanging off from silly flirts.
Sweeping off the public lands,
Turning over apple-stands,
Felling children to tbe ground,
As they flaunt and whirl around
Hoop ! hoop ! hoop !
What a Vast, expanaive swoop.
Jolly hoops, that wriggle round,
Sober hoops, tiist sway profound;
Springy hoops, that shake and wag,
Broken hoops, that droop and drag;
Monster hoops, ail overgrown,
Junior hoops, of smaller bones;
Hoops that ravish lover's eyes,
Hoops that rend their ureusts with size;
Hoops that shock theit feeble 'MO,
Like a crowd of giant kegs.
What gallant ships ! what swelling sails
How they resist opposing gales !
With what a Mil, relentless waft,
They overwhelm each smaller craft !
Hoop ! noop ! hoop!
What a vast, expansive swoop I
Trip lightly over trouble,
Trip geuTly over wrong,
We only make grief douole
By dwelling on it long ;
Why clasp woe's hand so tightly
Why sigh o'er bloscuus dead?
Why cling to forma unsightly?
Why not seek - joy instead?
Trip lightly over sorrow,
Though all the-day be dark,
The sun may shine to-morrow,.
And gaily sing the lark;
Fair hope has not uepalted,
Though roses may have lied ;
Then never be dowithearted,
But look for joy instead.
Trip lightly over sadness,
st.od not to rail at &win,
We've peuo, to string of
On tips side of tIo tom;, ;
Whilst starz sze shining,
And kleaviAi is overhead; , •
Encourage not
but look for joy ii:.tgati.
The industrious old lady. who walked
over town with a can in her hand to pro
cure a quirt of ;he "milk of human kind
ness," has been more successful% in get
ting a little jam out of the door. She
got the jam on her flug,rs.
The brother of 13e , .:',.bcytm t:tgnPd his
urine to distingui-h !:ighself from his
lawless brother, "- von Beethoven,
landowner." The immortal composer
retorted by signing his, "Ludwig von ,
Beethoven, brain owner."
xer, SO I
Gillman, 'Wm gutter,
,hm, A bni, E k ilmund,
le, Thoa Al Davi s ,
D II Detwiler ;
meson, Edward Atlee,•
laughlin, Win Smith,' (25y)
,phart, cOlured,
Frank Weaver,
cßride, • 'Robert Allison,
tson, Il9n.rs Wagner,
SONG' OF THE HOOK
TRIP LIGHTLY.
MARIETTA, PA. SATURDAY, JUNE 11, 1864.
Bridal Cuatoma
The Bridal kiss is of
,unknowl
quity. The old "liessals"—whiel
loug before the "Book of Commoi
er"—enjoined it as au -essential
the marriage ceremony. The pries
at one time, enjoyed the privilege of
kiss up'ou the bridal cheek as one of his
perquisites. Bridemen elaimed and
took it, too ; but of late years 'brides
have becometnore fastidious, and reserve
'the kissing for the 'bridegroom and rela
tives. It is recorded that when Mary,
Queen of Scots, married that handsome
scamp—Lorb Darnley—she did not fail
to comply with the time-honored prac
, Lice ; for, says the annalist, "they kneeled
together, and many prayers were said
over them. She tarrieth' at the masa,
and he taketh a kiss."
Bridal presents are also of a consider
atile antiquity ; for as far back as the
reign of James the First, the presents
given to the bride of Sir Philip Herbert
iimouuted in value to twelve thousand
!those
hundred dollars, a large sum for
!those days
One of the Rothschilds, not longsince,
ipresented his niece with the bridal gift
of a chock for one million dollars, and
the various other presents amounted to
fully as much more ! The exhibition of
bridal gifts has been sanctioned by roy
alty. On the marriage of the Princess
I,Royal, of England, in 18.13, the tributes
Ito the bride, amounted in value to arab.
ulous elm, were displayed not only be-
Ifore the unsurprised eyes of the. Court,
!but also or the benefit orate astonished
,vulgar. After the marriage of the Prince
of Wales, in 1863, the bridal presents
were also publicly exhibited in Kensing
ton Palace. Reporters and newspaper
artists were .expressly admitted, that
they might, in type and picture, repro
duce for the curious public the wonders
of the magnificent profusion with which
the youthful Princess of Denmark had
been endowed by crowned heads and
wealthy magnates.
l'he Bride-cake is no less sanctified by
antiquity than is the ring. It is the
symbol of "Plenty," and- is,intended t'o
express the hope that the newly-married
couple may always be supplied with an
ahuotiance of,the 'good things of this
life. ['owing pieces . of the cake through
the wedding-ring nine times and putting
them under the pillow to dream upon,
was a practice in vogue long before our
great-grandmothers lived and toveo, and
the custom is not yet obsolete..
A pleasant custom formerly prevailed,
after the ceremony bad been concluded,
of handing round to each guest a ring,
bearing the names of the newly-married
couple, after which the latter received
the felicitations of their friends. We
are, told that "Edward Kelly, a famous
philosopher in Queen Elizabeth's days,
was openly profuse in giving away rings
twisted with three gold wires, at- the
marriage of one of his household, to the
value of twenty thousand dollars."(?)
The ancients considered certain days
in the calendar as unluCky for matrimo
ny. Lovers were told to beware of the
entire month of May - , amid especially
waroled off from February 11th, June 2d,
November 2d, and December Ist. By
the Greeks. particular periods were con
sidered auspicious. Aristotle speaks
favourably of winter, and the Athenians
so regard the month of January. He
eiml remmtmcmis th i,•gr:h Jay the
mouth, and Euripki— the ume of the
full moon. In the Oritnes isles "no
couple choose to marry except with a
growing moon ; and son', even wish for
a flowing tide." It is phrticularly desir
able that the weathor shOuld be clear,
and that the ceremony should take place
in the day time, for
"Blest is ',he Bride on whom the sun
doth shine."
ita - An officer of the reo3lar army,
Lieut. Manus, of the Tenth Infantry,
recently wet with a "sad ; rebuff at Fort
Kearney. The lieutenant was proine
widinir in full uniform one day. and ap.
proex, ..:11 . ,11:A. (volunteer) who
' Ha4L 1. *ht) comes
they r h lieutenant, with contempt
in every Jim-ow-Ea of his face, expressed
his ire with an indignant "Ass," The
sentry's reply, apt and quick:, Caine,
"Advance, Ass, and give the counter.
sign ."
Why is a draaken.ulan-like the Ohio
river? Because he takes in the hionon
g tiei: , goes past VC 6etil i rig, gets a Lick
in;:at Ciociutiati,aud Falls Louisville.-
-~.-.
Angry LIMP la 000 l uppouout—lltou'il
come to the gallows some da , ."
one—" With pleasure, if ypet wit' let me
know w!i.r,
How many Marry and Love
A'Yonng man meets a pretty face in the
ballroom, falls in love' - with it, courts it,
marries it, goes to housekeeping with it,
and boasts of hrtving a Woe and a wife
(
to grace it. The chance's are nine to
,
ohe - he has neither. Her pretty faCe
g!tt . to be an old story—or becomes fa
ded-or freckled or fretted—and as the
face was all he wanted, and all helet up
with,.all he bargained for, all he swore
to love, honor and protect, he gets sick
of his trade, knows a dozen faces which
he likes better, gives up staying at home
evenings, consoles himself with cigars,
oysters and politics, and 'looks upon
home - as a very indifferent boarding
house. A family of children grow up
about him, but neither he nor his "face"
knows anything about training them so
they come up , helter skelter ; made toys
of when babies, dolls, when boys and
girls, drudges when young men and we
men ; and so passes year after year, and
not one quiet happy homely hour is
known throughout the whole household.
Another young man becomes enam
ored of a "fortune." He waits upon it
to parties, dances the polka with it, ex
changes billetdoux with it, pops the
question to it, gets "yes" from it, takes
it to the parsons, weds it, calls it "wife,"
carries it home, sets up an establishment
with it, introduces it to his friends, and
says, (poor fellow !) he, too, is married
and got a home. It's false.—He is not
married ;he has no home. And he soon
finds it out. He's in the wrong box,
but it's too late to get out of it. Be
might as well hope to escape from his
coffin. Friends congratulate him, and
be has to grin and bear it. They praise
the house, the furniture, the cradle, the
new bible. the new baby—and then bids
the "furniture," and be who husbands it;
good morning! As if he had knoWn
good morning' since he and that gilded
fortune were falsely declared to be one.
Take another case. A young woman
is smitten with a pair of whiskers. Curl
ed hair never before had such charms.
She sets her caps-for them—they take.
The delighted whiskers make an offer
proffering both in exChange for one heart.
The dear Miss , is overcome with magna
nimity, closes the bargain, carries home
the prize and shows it to pa and me and
calls herself engaged to it, thinks , there
never was' such a pair of whiskers before.
and is a few weeks they are married—
arried I—Yes, the world calls it so,
and so we will.—What is the result?
A short honeymoon, and the unlucky
discovery that they are as unlike as chalk
and cheese, and not to be .made one
though all' the priests in Christendom
pronounce them so. •
A GOOD CEIA.RACTER.—A. good Char
ante/. is to a : young man 'what a firm
foundation is to the artist, who proposes
to erect a building on it; he can build
with safety, and as all who behold it will
have confidence in its solidity, a helping,
hand will never be wanted. But let a
single part of this be defective, and yon
go on at hazard, amid doubting and dis
trust, and ten to one it will tumble down
at last, and iniogle all that was built on
it in rnins.—Without a good character
poverty is a curse ; with it, scarcely an
evil. All that is bright in the hope of
youth, all that is calm and blissful in the
sober scenes of life, all that is soothing
in the vale of years, centers in and is de
rived from a good character, Therefore
acquire this, as the first and most valua
ble good.
BETTEEC THOGHTS.—There are mo
ments in the life of all, no matter w heth
er they are lofty or lowly, when better
thoughts, like angel visitants come to
the mind, and if they are cherished their
visits will not be few and far between.
As the bird, whose wing cleaves the up
.per deck, pausing sometimes by your
home to'catch the crumbs around your
door, is lured, to the open window by the
seeds which day after day you put there
to wean it from k.rial Hight, becomes less
timid until, it comes and taps on the win
dow pane, and folding its wings, picks
the crumbs from your hands, so will our
better thoughts come the oftener if we
open the windows of our heart to • receive
them, and luring them to our side. Bet
ter thoughts , are angel yisitants, and the
] moment when they come to us are bless-
"I like you," aaid a girl to her
suitor, but I cannot leitie u ltilme lam a
widow's only dartinig;Mi hrisimud can
equal my paunt, in kindnew," "She may
be hind," replied *boar, "but be my wife
--we will all live t4gether, Arid tee. it I
don't beat your mother."
A Fast Woman.
A Western Canadian paper, the Ellira
Observer, has 'received on aUthority
which it says is rinqueStioriable, a story
of a chase in an outlying district of that
part of the country :—"A young man
and woman have lately married; and set
tled on anew farm. The 'other evening'
the man, going to his dhor, saw a most
beautiful deer at the stack, eating hay
with the sneep. He at once repairecito
a neighboring house frit.' a rifie, giving
his wife orders to Watch the animal
closely until his return ;' but no sooner
bad he gone than the 'little dog sallied
out and gave chase to the buck, an'd'she,
like a good and faithful wife, obeyed the
injunctions of her liege lord, but, in
order to do so was compelled to use her
limbs in a manner that might not_seein
genteel to some, of your city ladies.
Away the deer ran, the little dog and
the petticoat after it ;.the former inter
cepted the animal, and by ,getting
be
tween his legs considerably impeded his
flight ; this circumstance gaye our hero
ine a chance to gain upon the,deer, and
being an excellent runner, she was not
long in getting within reach of him—
not to put salt upon his tail, however,
but to take hold of it with a firm grasp.
Heedless of this extra weight, the, deer
still continued his course over bill and
dale, and through fields, brush and woods,
but she still retained her hold, fearful
only that the tail would break, and she
beleftbehind. It didn't break,however,
and after being able to keep up with the
deer for over two miles, she managed to
seize a club, and with one or two well
directed blows succeeded.in dispatching
his deership, and although he was found
to measure more than 10 feet from the
nose to the tail, began to , retrace her
steps homewards, dragging the carcass
after her, and bad gone, more than half
a mile with her burden when she met
her anxious husband, who was in search
of her. Well may that husband feel
proud of his wife. She is worth het
weight in gold, if it is itp I91.”-
About Whitewashing.
The time for cleaning, and fixing up,
has come, and one of the most itapor
lant items is whitewashibg. We Often'
wonder that people do not do more at
this. How much treater and more cheer
ful a whole place looks if a few, hours
are spent in, whitening the fences, the
out-houses; the cellars, etc. It changes
the whole appearance of the lioink.sted.
One day's work thus expended willeften
make a place twice attractive and add ,
hundreds of dollars to its salable valua
tion. Whitewashing a cellar with Hine
not only, makes it lighter and neater but
.more healthful also. For Cellars, a sim
ple mixture of fresh•slacked lime is best.
For House Rooms, the common "Paris
White,", to 'be hought cheaply,' is very
good. We take for each 2 lbs. of
whiting, an ounce of the best white or
transparent glue, cover it with cold wa
ter over night, and in the morning sti l l
mer it carefully without scorching, until`-
dissolved. The Paris White is then put
in hot water,_ and . the dissolved glue
stirred in, with hot water enough to fit
it for applying to the walls and ceilings.
This makes a very fine white, so firm
that it will not rub off at all.—When
common fresh-slacked lime is used, some
reccommend adding to each 21-2. gallons
(a pailful), 2 table-spoonfuls of salt and
1-2 pint of boiled linseed oil, stirred in
well while the mixture is bot. This is
recommended for ont-door and in-door
work.
For an Out-Door Whitewash, we have
used the following with much satisfac
tion: Take a tub, put in a peck of lime
and plenty of water to slack it When
hot with slacking, stir in thoroughly
about 1-2 pound of tallow or othergrease,
and mix it well in. Then add hot water
enough for use. The Compound will
withstand rain for years.—Agriculturist.
er An illiterate Tenneeseean, "na
tive," and to the manor born, and who
had doubtless never been from "hum"
before, overheard a person reading the
telegram headiugs in a paper just re
ceived, the first of,which.was
"Latest from Washington."
"Mighty singular that," pat in the
native ; "for 'tillers heard the old fel
ler was dead."
tar During the Battle of the Wilder
,
ness, two men of the`2oth MatMachneette
' were struggling for a rebel, flag which
they had etamiteneouely seized, whew a
shot eut thastaffin two, leaving the flag
and part of the staff in the hAnde of one
of them.. "Pedal," said the other, as he
coolly rammed his loading ; and firing,
"the rebels have decided forim this time"
VOL. 10.--NO. 45.
Odds and Ends.
A young thief, who was charged with
picking pockets, demurred to the indict -
meat, "because he never picked pockets
but hid always taken them as they came.
An Irishman, illustrating the horrors
of solitary confinement, stated that ou•
of one hundred persons sentenced to en
dure this punishment for life, only fifteen
s t urvired it!
"riggers von't lie, vil they?" mutter
ed a seedy genius, holding on to a lamp
'post. "Yell,, perhaps they von't; but
Pee a Egger, and vou't stand, anyhow."
When you put on your stockings, why
are you sure to make a mistake?--Be
cause you must put your foot in it.
Why is Buckingham Palace in Lon
don, the cheapest house is England?-
It fora sovereign.
From whence proceeds the eloquence.
of .a Philadelphia lawyer ?-Front ti.•
mouth.
Wken 101 l go to bed, why is your slip
per like lin unsuccessful dun ?—Bevaim
it is Fur o ff till the next day.
While .I ; arn writing this, I am think
ing of something which , on are thinking
of ; what,is that,thiug ?-77i.e answer.
An army chaplain, preaching to his
soldiers, exclaimed : "If God be with
us, who can be against us ?" "Jeff Da-
,vis and the devil I" promptly exclaimed
one of the boys.
"I once," said a friend, i i "saw a regi
ment of negroes on a parade, and whet ,
they came to the 'right dress,' with th ,,
whites of their eyes all turned, it looked
just like a chalk mark."
Somebody says that snoring is th,
spontaneous escape of those malignatil
feelings whicb the sleeper has not tim,.
to vent when awake.
"Can you spell blind pig with two
letters ?" asked one shoolboy of another
"Yes," was the reply, "p g, that's p 4
without an i,"
A. horrible reprobate was lately ar
rested for flogging a woman, and ex
cused the act, by. saying that he was
near-sighted and
~thought it was his
wife.
A • lady asked a pupil at a public•
school, "What was the sin of the Phari
sees ?" "Eating camels, marm," quickly
replied the child. She bad read that
the Pharisees "strained at guats;uni!
'swallowedcamels."
"A frog," says Professor Bump, "i
-an amphibious animal, whet , linkers oi
cold water, and consequently invente,
the teetotal society. Be always walk.
with a jump, he does . ; and when he sit
down he has
,to stand up. Being
lover of native melodies. he gives fre,
concerts,every night, he does.himself.—
He perwides music for the minim:
which has been so called because it is
usually heard in a mill pond. He is I.
warmint what ;tint so bad when boileo
on a gridiron."
' Professor Johnson was one day leetn
'ring before the students on mineralogy.
He had before him a number of spec:.
mans of various sorts to illustrate the
subject, when a roguish student, ro
sport, slily slipped a piece of bricl.
among the atone. The professor we'
taking up the 'stone one after another.
and naming them. "This," he said "i
a piece of granite ; this is feldspar," &c .
Presently he came to the brickbat.--
Without betraying any surprise, or eve;
changing the tone of his voice. "This,
said he, holding it up, "is apiece of im
pudence.
Most persons would rather see Sot;
stand ou your bead than use it for any
purpose of thought.
Manywho think themselves the pillar. ,
of the church are only its sleepers.
Women adorn themselves for their
enemies even more than for their friends.
A virgin of twenty-five wag late!:
throwing out some affected sneers a
matrimony, when a grave friend in the
country-observed to her that "marriagt ,
were made in Heaven." "Can you tpl
me, sir," rejoined the sly nymph, "wt ,
they are so slow in coming down?"
A precocious boy, being asked in 13
geography what they raised in Bout
Carolina, replied :—"They used to rah
niggers and cotton, but now they a ,
raising the devil.';'
A person who has been travelli'
"Down East" says he saw plenty of pit
orchards, but no pineapples.
"Why did Joseph's brethren cast bp
into the pit?" asked a Sabbath Schcc
teacher of hie class. - `l3ecause,"repli P
one young lady, "thitithought it a ga ,
opening for a young ,men."
EM