BY FRED'K L. BAKER.
DR. HOOFLAND'S
GERMAN BITTERS,
Prepared by Dr. C. M. Jackson,
Philadelphia, Pa.
CIS NOT A BAR-ROOM DRINK, OR A
SUBSTITUTE FOR RUM,
Or an Intoxicating Beverage, but a highly con
centrated Vegetable Extract, a Pure Tonic,
free from alcoholic atimulent or injurious drugs,
and will effectually cure
Liver Complaint,
Dyspepsia, and
Jaundice.
1100PLAND'S GERMAN BITTERS
WILL CUBE EVERY CASE OF
Chronic or Nervous Debility, Disease of the
Kidneys, and Diseases arising from a
Disordered Stomach.
OBSERVE THE FOLLOWING SYMPTOMS
reersiting from disorders of the digestive organs:
Ceristipastion, In ward Piles, Fuffiess or Blood
to the Head, Acidity of the Stomach, Nausea,
Heartburn, Disgust for Food, Fullness or
weight in the Stomach, sour eructations, sink
cing or fluttering of tne Pit of the Stomach,
iwimming of *he Head, hurried and difficult
wreathing, fluttering at tht heart, choking or
suffocating sensations when in a lying posture,
dimness of vission, dots or webs before the
sight, fever and dull pain in the head, defici
ency of perspiration, yellowness of the skin
and eyes, pain in the side, back, chest, limbs,
arc., sudden flushes of heat, burning in the flesh,
constant imrnaginings of evil, and great de
pression of spirits.
HOORAND'S GERMAN BITTERS
WILL YOU
A Gott Appetite,
Strong Lerves,
litalthy Neivee,
Nikidy Nerves,
mittr.6* Feelings,
Energetic Feelings,
Healthy Feelings,
A Good Constitution,
A Strong Constitution,
A Healthy Constitution,
A Sound Constitution
MARE Waaic STRUNG,
Will make the
Delicate Heaity,
NVIII make the
Will make the
Depressed Lively,
Will make the
Sallow Complexion Clear,
Will' make the Dull eye
Cleat and Bright.
I! Will prove a blessing in evely lamily.
Can he used with perfect safety by wale
or Female, Ow or Young.
PART C JEA - 13. NOTICE-
There are many preparations said under the
statue of Bitters, put up in quart bullies, con -
pounded of the cheapest Wnissey or c.inmon
Rum, costing from 20 ter 40 cents per gallon,
the taste disguised by A'hise or Coriander se,d.
This class of Hitters has caused and will cot -
~ inue to cause, as long us they can be sold,
.tundreds to die tile death of a drunkard. 13y
their use the system is kept continually und,r
the influence of alcoholic htirnit.a.its of the
worst kind, the desire for liquor is createi and
kept up, and the result is all the horrors at
tendant upon a drunkard's life and death. Be
taire qf them.
For those who desire and will have a liquor
bitters, we publish the following receipt:
Get one bottle Booftand's German Bitters and
mix with three quarts of good Whiskey or
Brandy, and the result will be a preparation
'that will far excel in medicinal virtues and
true excellence any of the numerous liquor
bitters in the market, and will cost much tees.
You will have all the virtues of Hooftand's Bit
ters in connection with a good article of liquor
and at a much less price then these inferior
preparations will cost you.
DELICATE CHILDREN.
Those suffering from maraamus, wasting
away, with scarcely any flesh ou their bones
are'cured in a very short time; one bottle in
such cases, will have most surptising effect.
DEBILITY,
Resulting from Fevers of any kind—these bit
ters will renew your strength in a short time.
FEVER AND AGM E.—The chills will not re
turn if these Bitters are used. No person in a
fever and ague district should be without them.
Prom Rev. .1. Newton Brown, D. D.. Editor
of the Encyclopedia of Religious Knowledge.
Although not Cisposed to favor or recommend
Patent Medicines in general, through distiust
their ingredients and effects ; I yet know
a no sulfici mt reason why a man may not tes
tify to the benefits he believes himself to have
received from any simple preparation, in the
hope that he may thus contribute to the bene
'fit of others.
I do this more readily in regard to Hoofland , s
German Bitters, prepared by Dr. C. M. Jackson
because I was prejudieed against them for a
number of years, under the impression that
they were chiefly an alcoholic mixture. I ant
indebted to my friend Rob't Shoemaker, esti.,
for the removal of this prejudice by proper
tests, and for encouragement to try them, when
suffering from great and long debility. The
use of three bottles of these bitters, at the be
ginning of the present year, was followed by
evident relief, and restoration to a degree of
bodily and mental vigor which I had not felt
for six 'months before,
and had almost dispair
ed of regaining. I therefore thank God and
my friend for directing me to the use of them.
J. NEWTON BROWN •
Philadelphia, June 22, 1562.
ATTENTION, SOLDIERS.
. AND THE FRIENDS OF SOLDIERS.
We coil the attention of all having relations
or friends in the army to the fact that " Hoof
land's German Bitters" will cure nine-tenths
of the diseases induced by privation and ex
ponies iocident to camp life. In the lists
published almost daily in the newspapers, on
lhelarrival of the sick, it will be noticed that
a very large proportion are suffering from de
bility. Every ease of that kind can be readi
/yrcured by Hoolland , s German Bitters. We
have no hesitation in stating that, if these bit
tern are freely used among our soldiers, hund
reds of lives might be saved that otherwise
would be lost.
The proprietors are daily receiving thankful
letters from sufferers in the army and hospi
tals,who have been restored to health by the use
of these Bitters, sent to them by their friends.
Beware of counterfeits ! See that the sig
nature of "C. M. Jackson," is on the wrapper
of each bottle.
PRI CBS.
Large Size, $1:00 per bottle, or dozen for $5.
Medium size, 75c per bottle, or dozen for $4
The larger size, on account Of the quantity
the bottles hold, are much the cheaper.
Should your nearest druggist not have the
article, do not be put off ,by any of the intoxi
,eating preparations that may be offered in its
.place, but send to us, and we will forward,
securely packed, by express.
.Frincipal Ofue and. Manufactory,
. • No. 631 ARCH STREET.
JONES & EVANS,
(Successors to C. M. Jackson & C 0.,)
Proprt dors.
For sale h Oruggists and,„Dealers• m every
aim in the Vuitell States. Emay 30-ly
C(1. '.)l;lll.arittliqn
afakytakut Vturisglimuia alnurual: PeflottV to ratio, Literature, agriculture, gebs of t4e glul,-fotat 4rattligata,
%MISUPPLEE & BRO„
IRON AND BRASS
FOUNDERS
And General Machinists, Second street
Below Union, Columbia, Pa
They are prepared to make all kinds of Iron
Castings for Rolling Mills and Blast Furnaces,
Pipes, for Steam, Water and Gas ; Columns,
Fronts, Cellar Doors, Weights, &c., for Buil
dings, and castings of every' description ;
STEAM ENGINES, AND BOILERS,
IN TILE MOST MODERN AND IMPROVED
Manner;
Pumps, Brick Presses, Shafting and
Pulleys, Mill Gearing, Taps, Dies, Machinery
for Mining and Tanning ; Brass Bearings,
Steam & Blast Gauges, Lubricators, Oil Cocks,
Valves for Steam, Gas, and Water; Brass Fit,
Dogs in all their variety; Boilers, Tanks, Flues,
Heaters, Stacks, Bolts, Nuts, Vault Doors,
Washers, &c.
BLACKSMITH-MG in GENERAL.
From long experience in building machinery wr
flatter ourselves that we can give ge•ieral satis
faction to those who may favor us with their
orders. lEr'Repairing promptly attended to.
Orders by mail addressed as above, will meet
with prompt attention. Prices to suit the times.
Z. SUPPLEE,
T. B. SUPPLEE.
Columbia, October 20, IS6O. 14 tf
for the Fruit, Flower and Kitchen
1864.] THE [1864.
G _ARDENER'S MONTHLY,
W. G. P. ERINCEI.OE, Publisher.
Office: 23 North Sixth-st„ Philadelphia.
TERMS—Si:SO A-YEAR.
EDITED B 4 THOMAS MEEHAN.
=1
Hints—Flower-Garden and Pleasure-Ground;
Fruit-Garden ; Vegetable-Garden ; Win-
dow-Gardening.
Communications—Embracing the views of the
best writers on Horticulture, Arboriculture
and Rural Affairs.
Editortat—Giving the Editor's views on the
important Horticultural improvements.
Scraps and Queries—New Fruits—New Plants
—Domestic and Foreign lntelligence—lor
eign Correspondence—Horticultural notices.
With each department handsomely illustrated.
These general features will be retained, and
the publisher pledges himself that no labor or
expense shall be spared to render the succeed
ing issues of the magazine every way worthy
of the favor with which his previous efforts
have been amply rewarded.
Thin Stout,
SEND FOR A SPECIMEN
The) Glatt Ferry _
Formerly Keesey's,
OPPOSITE MARIETTA.
Pills old Ferry—one of the oldest and most
I safe crossings on the Susquehanna River—
is now in charge of the undersigned, who :has
refitted the old and built new boats, which will
enable him to do ferrying with safety and dis.
patch. No unnecessary-delay need be endured.
Sober and experienced Ferrymen always en
gaged. No imposition in charges as the fol
lowing list will show:
Farm Wagons, each $1:00
Horses, per head
_ _
Single horse and rider, :25
Two-boise Carriage and two persons, 1:00
Buggy, horse and two persons, :50
Foot Passengers, each, :12
Stock of all kinds at the old charges.
All Luggage over fifty pounds, 20 cents per
100 pounds extra.
JO LIN ECKERT.
July 15, 1563
A LEXANDER LYN MAY;
Fashionable
Boot and Shoe Manufacturer,
MARKET STREET, MARIETTA, PENN.
Would most respecttully inform the citizens
of this Borough and neighborhood that he has
the largest assortment of City made work in
his line of business in this Borough, and be
ing a practical BOOT AND SHOE MAKER
himself,is enables to select with more judgment
than those who are not. He continues to man
ufacture in the very hest manner everything
in the BOOT AND SHOE LINE, which he
will warrant for neatness and good fit.
11:1 - CaIt and examine his stock before pur
hasmg elsewhere.
atioebo, Mc* AO Putt
H. L. & E. J. ZAHM
- 1) ESPECTFHLLY inform their
\igjifriends and the public that they
.: 11 still continue the WATCH, CLOCK
A ND JEWELRY business at the old
stand, North-west Corner of North
Queen street and Center Square, Lancaster, Pa.
A full assortment of goods in our line of busi
ness always on hand and for sale at the lowest
cash rates. iC Repairing attended to per
sonalty by the proprietors.
Lancaster, January 1,.1859.
irLATED WARE: A Large and hne stock
of Plated ware at IL L. & E. J. ZAIIM'S.
rner of North Queen street & Center Square
Lancaster, Pa. Tea Setts, in variety, Coffee
Urns. Pitchers, Goblets, Snit Stands, Cake
Baskets, Card Baskets, Spoons, Forks, Knives,
Casters, &c., &c., at manufacturers prices.
H. L. & E. J. 'ZAMA'S.
Cor. North Queen at. and Centre Square, Lan
caster, Pa. Our prices are moderate and all
goods warranted to be as represented.
REPLATIVG attended to at moderate rates
C HEAP LAMPS.
A FRESH SUPPLY OF
Coal Oil Lamps and Lanterns
of eves} patern, suitable for the Parlor, the
ditchen and the Chamber; Hanging and Side
Lamps for Halls, Churches, Stores and Offices,
Having purchased them from the manufactu
rers in large quantities at the lowest cash rates
we can sell them much under the usual retail
prices, although every other description of
goods are advancing.
PATTERSON t CO.
DAVID COCHRAN,
Painter, Glazier and Paper Hanger.
OULD most respectfully inform the cit-
VV izens of Marietta and the public gener
ally that he is prepared to do
House Painting,
China Glossing,
Paper Hanging, 6v.,
At very short notice and, at prices to suit the
times. He can be found at his mother's resi
dence on the corner of Chesnut and Second
streets, a few doors below the M. E. Church,
and immediately opposite the old Oberlin
Coach Works. [Aug. 3-ly.
TIRIME Nev : Crop New-Orleaueldolasses,
17 - —Ake very beet for...Cakew., Just received
by MANGLER Er PATTERSON.
MARIETTA, PA., SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1.864.
Garden
NEW AND FRESH DRUGS.
dierzsg_
.%luttysoox to 310 x. IrranltUlt
R. LANDIS having purchased the entice
utturest and good will of Dr. P. Hinkle is
rug Store, would take this opportunity to in
form the citizens of Marietta and the publip
generally, that having just received from Phil.
adelphia a , large addition to the old stock; he
will spare no pains to keep constantly on hand
the best and most complete assortment of eve
rything in the drug line.
Jof of TAIn a no ioilef 'ft Nicks,
consisting.' in part of German, French and Eng
lish perfumery, Shaving Soape and Creams,
Tooth and Nail Brushes, Buffalo and other
Hair Combs, Hair Oils, Pomades,etc.
Port Monies, Pocket Books, Puff 'V
and Powder Bones, 4w., 4.e
The celebrated Batchelor's HAIR DYE,
DeCosta's and other Tooth Washes,lndia Cola
gogue, Barr v's Tricoperous, for the hair, Day
Rum, Arnold's Ink, large and small sized bot
tles, Balinsof a Thousand Flowers, Flour or
Bice, Corn Starch, Heckel 's Farina, all kinds
of pure Ground Spices, Compound Syrup of
Phosphate, or Chemical food, an excellent ar
ticle for cronic dyspepsia and a tonic in Con
sumptive cases, Rennet, for coagulating mil ..
an excellent preperation for the table; Tabl •
Oil—very fine—bottles in two sizes. Pure Cod
Liver Oil. All of Hael's perfumery,pomades,
soaps, &c. His Kathairon or Hair Restorative
is now everywhere acknowledged the best.
A LARGE ASSORTMENT
OF BOOKS AND STATIONARY.
Sheet Music always on hand, and procured
by weekly orders from the city.
Having secured the services of Mr. Harrison
Roth, formerly of the firm of Grove & Roth,
he feels confident that he can accommodate
as well as please his numerous patrons and
friends.
Old Port, Sherry and Madeira Wines and
Brandies for medical purposes.
The Doctor can be professionally consulted
at the store when not engaged elsewoere.
Da^ Remember the place, opposite the Post
Office, formerly Doctor Hinkle s.
WAIS, erf.s 'HD "affeti RI Tl 5.
DElrc)_,
No. 20 North Queen-St., Lancaster
HAVE COMPLETED THEIR ASSORTMENT OF
HATE AN CAPS,
OF THE
NEWEST STYLES FOR FALL AND WINTER.
,faittii „furs!
„faint „furs!!
We have now connected with our business
as Hatters, a very large, elegant and complete
assortment of
Ladies' and Children's Furs,
of every quality and all selected with care and
judgment. Our stock comprises every de
scription of size and fashion. We would con
sider it a favor if the ladies would call and
examine our stock comprising Furs of the first
quality.
Ladies and Misses Beaver, Silk and
1 elt Hats,
made in the latest fashion and trimmed in
every variety of style and taste, such us the
neat COQUETTE and the jaunty SPANISH ;
also Hats untrimmed.
Thankful for the liberal patronage extended
us, in the past, we hope by a careful attention
to the wants of the public, and keeping a large,
excellent and complete assortment of goods
on hand, to merit a continuance of popular
favor.
WINES -Sr.. LIQUORS..
”;--- 4 a. D. BENJAMIN,
DEAL ER IN
WINES & El QUORS,
Picot Building, Marietta, Pa.
1") EGS leave to inform the public that he
JilOwill continue the WIN E by LIQUOR busi
ness, in all its branches. He will constantly
keep on hand all kinds of
Brandies, Wines Gins, Irish and Scotch
Whiskey, Cordials, Bitters, 4kc.,
BENJAMIN'S
Justly Celebrated Bose Whisky, •
ALWAYS ON NAND. •
A very surerior OLD RYE WHISKEY
ust received, which is warranted pure.
.Ir_ All H. D. B. now asks of the public
is a careful examination of his stock andpri
ces, which will, he is confident, result in Ho
tel keepers and others finding it to their ad.
vantage to make their purchases from I im
T HE (IRETA CAUSE OF
HUMAN MISERY
Just Publeshed m a Sealed Envelope. Price
Six Cents
A Lecture on the Nature,Treatment and
Radical Cure of Seminal eakness, or Sper
matorrhcea, induced by Self-Abuse ; Involun
tary Emissions, impotency, Nervous Debility,
and Impediments to Marriage generally;
Consumption, Epilepsy and Fits; Mental and
Physical Incapacity, &c. By Ron. J. CUL- ,
VERWELL, M. D., Author of "The Green
Book," &c
The world-renowned author, in this admi
rable Lecture, clearly proves from his own
experience that the awful consequences of
Self-abuse may be effectualLy removed with
out medicine, and without dangerous surgical
operations, bougies, instruments, rings or cor
dials, pointing out a cure at once certain and
effectual, by which every sufferer, no matter
what his condition may be, may cure himself
cheaply, privately, and radically. This lec
ture will prove a boon to thousands and thou
sands.
Sent under seal, in a plain envelope, to any
address, on receipt of six cents, or two post
age stamps, by addressing the publishers,
CHAS. J. G. KLINE,
127 Bowery, New-York, P. 0. Box, 4586.
RITT Hws Celebrated Truss, Surgical Ban
dages, Shoulder Braces, Instruments for
Deformit3 &c. These articles aro
very highly recommended by Profee
sors Pancoast and Gross of the Jefferson Med
ical College of Philadelphia, and the under
signed knows them to be the best articles, of
the kind in use. F. Hinkle, M. D.
A fine assortment of Flavoring Extracts for
Cooking—something very nice.
Liquid Rennet for Making delicious desserts.
Poncine, Honey and othe fine Soaps.
Frangipannie arid other Extracts.
Poi sale by D. 11.. LANDIS.,
FoRIME GROCERIE S:—Rio, Java and
Laguiia Coffee; .Crteihed, Pulverized: and
rwn Sugar ; Superior Green and Black Tea,
Rice, Cheese and Spiced; ;Sirup and prime ba;
king Wassail; FAcellent Pettil:Barley at
Jo R.,./grEzpz44,ews•
pubtistutt th l'atuttra; taunting
CBULL's Row, Front Street, five
OFFICE: doors below Flury's Hotel.
Trams, One Dollar a year, payable in ad-
Vance, and if subscriptions be not paid within
six:months $1.25 will be charged, but if de
layed until the expiration of the year, $1.60
will be charged.
ADVERTISING RATES: One square (12
lines, or less) 50 cents for the lirstinsertion and
26 cents for each subsequent insertion. Pro
fessional and Business cards, of six lines or less
at $3 per annum. Notices in the ;reading col
umnstfive cents a-line. Ilarriages'and Deaths,
the simple announcement, FARE; but for any
additional lines, five cents a line.
A liberal deduction made to yearly and half
yearly advertisers.
Having recentled added a lare
\ lot of new
Job and Card type, Cuts, Borders,'&c., to the
Job Office of "The Mariettian," which will
insure the fine execution of all kinds of Jon &
CARD PRINTING, from the smallest
Card to the largest Poster, at prices to\ suit the
War times.
MAIDS; or, A Mistake about Marriage,
BY MRS. E. B. HALL
When I was a little girl, I was a fat,
merry, jolly dumpling, as happy as the
day was long. Everybody pinched my
red cheeks, and I waddled about with
my doll in my plump arms, finding fan
in everything, and fully believing that ,
my doll was as sensible as myself; and
perhaps, she was, almost. But though
I bad a natural antipathy to a spelling
book, and no fondness for spending , a
long summer's afternoon in poking a
needle in and out a piece of calico,
though I considered patchwork all fool
ishneA, and gussets as utter superflui
ties, though I was called a simpleton for
asking my mother why she cut cloth up.
and then sewed it together again, still,
I was fond of picking up ideas after my
own fashion. When the wise people
around me supposed I was thinking of
nothing but my play, my two little ears
were open to every word spoken in my
hearing. And many was the word im--
pressed on my memory which the speak
er forgot next moment. The talk
around me was my real education, as it
is of all children, Bend them to what
school you may. When I was ten years
old, I had one sister, aged fifteen and
another seventeen; and, as usual with
girls at that age, they had a set of cro
nies, some very like, and some quite un
like them in character. One afternoon,
as I was. tending my doll Ophelia, who
was sick in bed, I beard a brisk discus
sion among these girls, which, I may
almost say, decided my fate for life.
The first words that caught my at
tention came from an animated, roman
tic girl. of sixteen, scolding because the,
heroine of a novel she had just read was
left unmarried at the end of the story.
What surprise was expressed at this
catastrophe I—what indignation !
One of my sisters did not seem to
sympathize with this burst, of disappro
bation, and then came the pithy ques
tion, "What ! would you be, willing to
die an old maid?" Mary said, very
quietly, "Yes ;" and sister Ellen added,
"So would I 1"
Then such looks of amazement and
incredulity. "You can't mean what
you say," cried one. "If I did not know
you too well to think you a hypocrite—"
said another. "Why it was meant that
all women should be married!" ex
claimed a third. "Then why are they
not all married ?" asked Mary, with her
usual simplicity.
Eager and hot grew the controversy,
and I lost not a word, while Ophelia lay
flat on her back, her stiff, kid arms
sticking out, and her croup quite forgot
ten. Then first did I take notice of
that terrible combination of monosylla
bles,—"Old Maid." In how many dif
ferent tones of contempt, dread, and
deprecation, did I hear it uttered by
those juvenile voices What anecdotes
came forth about cross old maids, and
fidgety old maids, and ugly, and dressy,
and learned, and pious, and flirting, and
mischief-making old maids. Never did
a bevy of regular fifty-year-old spinsters
utter so much scandal in one afternoon
as was poured forth by these blooming
young creatures. Two or three friends
of my mother's, whom. I had always
cherished in my innocent affections, be
cause they talked so pleasantly, and
were so kind to me, now appeared like,
new personages. "Miss Z. was 80 ugly
she never could - have had an offer !"
"Miss Y. dressed so shabby, and wore
green spectacles to look literary." And
"Miss X. was' forever talking about
Sunday-school and society-meetings,"
and, BO on.
You may be sure that the next time
these ladies came to our house, I
scanned very closely the face of Miss
,
Z, a fUce I had always loved before ;
but now I saw that jt was exceedingly
plain. I looked hard at Miss Y.'s drab
colored bonnet and shawl, perceived
that they were old-fashioned and ordi
nary, and that her ,green spectacles
looked pedantic. Then Miss X., be
side wham I had always squeezed in
upon the sofa, encouraged by her kindly
smile and delighted with her conversa
tion,—how uninteresting she had be
come ! They were all old maids
It must be observed that my sisters—
right, good, sensible, domestic girls they
were—had no part in this bewilderment
of my young ideas. They were in the
minority, so I took it for granted they
were in the wrong. Besides, what
children are ever so much influenced by
what is uttered in the familiar voices of
their own family, as by the words of
comparative strangers ? Take care of
what you. say at a friend's house, with
the young folks catching up every ran
dom Sentiment you drop. Many a ju
dicious mother's morning exhortatiort
has been blown to the moon by SOM
light remark from a dinner guest, who
did not after all mean to give his real
opinion, or whose opinion was not worth
having.
And now, I assure you, my education
went on rapidly. /t. is perfectly mar
vellous, in how many, ways, and by what
different sorts of people, a young girl is
taught that it is a terrible thing to be
au old maid. Fools never show their
folly more than in their hackneyed jests
upon this topic; but what shall we say
of the wise folks who sin almost as often
in the same way ? What shall we say
of the refinement of him who is gentle.
manly in thought and expression on all
subjects but this ? of the humanity and
chivalry of him who assails the defence
less ?—of the justice of him who taxes a
class with the faults of individuals, and
wounds with that meanest of weapons—
a sneer ?—or of the Christianity of him,
who indirectly censures and ridicules
one of the arrangements of Providence?
I learned my lesson thoroughly, for
it came to me in some shape every week,
I read it in every novel and newspaper,
and heard it from every lip.
,The very
men who spoke truth and sense on the
subject, sometimes neutralized it by an
idle jest in some moment of levity, and
the jest drove out the truth from my
young heart. At eighteen, I lived only
for the ignoble purpose—l cannot bear.
to say—of getting married ; but what
could have been the ruling wish of one
who had been taught by society to dread
celibacy worse than death ? I dare say
I betrayed it in the ball-room, in the
street, everywhere. I dare say I was
duly laughed at.
At last, quaking on the verge of six
and-twenty, I had an offer—a most ab
surd one. I was six years older than
my lover, had ten times as much sense,
probably, except on one point. I knew
that he was "rather wild," as the gentle
phrase goes. In short, I neither loved
nor respected him ; but I was willing
to marry him, because then I should be
Mrs. Somebody, and should not be an
old maid.
My parehts said "No." positively. Of
course I thought them unreasonable and
cruel, and made myself very miserable.
Still, it was something to have had "an
offer" of any kind, and my lips were not
hermetically sealed. I had several con
fidants, who took care that all my ac
quaintance should know the comfortable
fact that I had refused Mr. S.
I went on with increasing uneasiness
a few years longer, not seeking how to
be useful, or trying to find out for what
good purpose I was made. Neither
was I looking for a companion who.
could sympathize with my better aspi
rations, and elevate my whole character,
for I had no right views of marriage. I
was simply gazing about in anxious sus
pense upon every unmarried man of my
acquaintance, for one who would lift me
out of that dismal Valley of Humilia
tion into which I felt myself'descending.
Had I met Apollyn himself there, with
the question on his lips, I believe I
should have said "Yes."
At thirty-six I wore more pink rib
bons than ever, was seen everywhere
that a respectable woman could go,
wondered why girls went into company
so young, found I was growing sharp
faced and sharp-spoken, and was be
coming old-maidish in the worst sense
of the word, because I was an 'old maid
against my will. I forgot that volunta
ry celibacy never affects the temper,
My sisters, be it remembered, were
older than I. They , too were single.—
bat they had lived more domestic lives
than I, had read fewer works of fiction,
had been cultivating their,PwA natures,
and inking, to make:.everybo4y.around
VOL. 10.--NO. 29.
them happy. And everybody rever
enced them, and loved to look upon
their open, pleasant countenances—l
mean everybody worth pleasing—and
they were very happy.
At last our good parents died, and
left each of us a little independence...,
Within a year I was married.
I was married for 'my * Money That
was ten years ago, and they have been,
ten years of purgatory. I have had bad
luck as a wife, for my. husband and I
have scarcely one taste in common. •
I never see my plump, happy sisters,
and then glance in the mirror at my own
cadaverous, long, doleful visage, without
wishing myself an old maid. I do it
every day of my life.
Yet half of my sex marry as I did—
not for love, bat for fear !—for fear of
dying old maids.
•
They have their reward. ,And they
whose idle tongOes . create this misclilev :
oas fear, and thus make so much domes
tic misery, have their responsibAity.
•FT IN DISGUST.---Once upon a ti,
a circus rider, lying at the point ottleath
was asked by his employer it he would
like, to see minister. The dyingtman
Said he would, and accordingly a reve-
rend gentleman was summoned to his
bedside. After kfew common-place re
marks, the minister propounded, in se. ,
ipnlchral tones, the following questioß
',Do you know .who died to save sin=
ners 2" The nearly lifeless circus rider;
1.
w4h a tremendous effort, raised himself
partially in bed, and, after fiercely eye
ing his holy visitor for an instant, ex
claimed :--" This is a devilish
,pretty
time to . .ask conundrums !" He fifty' fel .
back and expired. The minister lin in
disgust.
eir Mr. Toot, coming home late one
night, was met , at the door by his wife. ,
"Pretty time of night, Mr. Toot, for yogi
to come home--three - o'clock In the, --
morning ; you, a respectable man and
father of a family I" " 'Tisn't three—
it's only one." "My word, Mr. Toot,
you're drunk. It's three in the morn.
ing." say, Mrs. Toot, I heard it
strike one as I came around tha corner
two or three times 1"
air Douglas Jerrold was annoyed np,
on one occasion by an individual who
was airing nine languages at once be
fore a distinguished . company. "Nine;
sir," observed this social, scoarge, this
cat-o'-nine tails, "I can speak nine die-
tinnily, but my father, when alive, could
speak no less than' fifteen." "Ah," re
marked Jeirold, "I kiiew a man who
could speak five-and-twenty, and who
never said'anything worth hearing in
any of - them I"
or An, old , lady who was, making
some jam was called'away by a neighbor.
'Sam, you rascal," she said; "you'll be
eating my jam when I'm away." Sam
protested he'd die first ; but the whites
of his eyes rolled hungrily towaids
bubbling crimson. "See here, Sam,"
said the oldlady, taking up apiece of
chalk, "I'll chalk your lips, and then on
my return I'll know if you've eaten
any." Sp saying, she passed her fore=
fingerheavilY over the thick lips of her
darkey, holding the chalk in the palm
of her han3, and not lettingAt tench
him. When she came back, she did not
need to ask any question, for Sain's lips
were chalked a quarter of an inch thick.
or Some men are kind because they
are dull, as common horses are easily
broken to harness. Some are osderfy
because xhey are timid, like cattle driven
by a boy with a wand. And some, are
social because they are greedy, like
barn-yard fowls that mind each other's
clacking.
IFir More trouble coming, said Mro.
Partington, lying down the paper, there's
the State of Affairs ; I suppose it'll
soon be applying for admission into the
Union—and the old lady resumed her
darning with a look of patriotic anxiety.
ta- "Tommy, what does b-tn-e-h
spell ?" 'Don't know, ma'ani.” 'Why,
you little numbskull, :what; are you. sit,
ting on r Tommy (lookint sheePish) : -
4 'l. don't like to tell." ' •
"Waiter, bring me some corn,
said a border to a green Irish servant
"Hey 2" said Paddy, leaning down to
catch the accent. "No, no—corn!" re
plied, theguest,
igigr The husband hi s
wife with kisses- found efteriaMit tha t
she disegreed with him. •
tav er isk :Bx
of
is