Newspaper Page Text
BY FRED'K L. BAKER.
iilintieVs Riiffet f illifle of ii,oß.
- DOR the cure of Weak Stomachs, genera
,17 debility, indigestion, diseases of the
Nervous System, constipation, acidity . of
the stomach and for all cases requiring a
ThiS Wine Includes the 'meet agteeabre and
efficient Salt of Iron we possess; Citrate of
Magnetic Oxide combined, with the most en
ergetic of vegetable tonics, Yellow Peruvian
Barr. The effect in many cases of debility,
loss of appetite, and general prostration, of an
efficient Salt of Iron, combined with our valua
ble Nerve Tunic, is most happy. It augments
the appetite, raises the pulse, takes off muscu
lar flabbiness, removes the paler of debility,
and gives a florid vigor to the countenance.
Do you want something to strengthen you?
Do you want a good appetite ?
Do you want to build up your constitution?
Do you want to feel well?
Do you want to get rid of nervousness?
Do you want energy I
Ud you want to sleep well ?
Do you want a brisk and vigorous feeling?
If you do. try _ .
KLINK EL'S BITTER WINE OF IRON !
This truly valuable Tonic has been so
thoroughly test•.d by all classes of the commu
nity, that it is now deemed indispensable as
a Tonic medicine.- it costs but little, purifies
the blood;gives tong , to the stomach, renovates
the system, and prolongs lite. "I now only
ask a-trial of this valuable Tonic.
BE. AWARE OF COUNTERFEITS.-A§ NUN-
Bitter Wing of Iron iS the only sure anti
effectual remedy in theknown world tor the
permanent cure of :Dyspepsia and Debility,
and as there arg it:number of imitations coal
ed to the public, We. Would caution t e com
munity tovirehase none but the genuine ar
ticle, manufactured by S. A. Kunkel, and has
his stamp• on the top of the cork of every bot
tle. The very fact that others are attempting
to imitate this valuable remedy, proves its
worth and speaks volumes in its favor.
The Bitter Wine of iron is put up in 75 cent
and $l.OO bottles, and sold by all respectable
Druggists throughout the country. lie par
ticular that every bottle bears the fur Siratle of
the proprietor's signature.
.Genciul Dep.it, 118 Market Street,
irs'• For Sale by Or. Beane & Co, and all
respectable d,a.eis every st. here.
Dr. Brunon's Celebrated Rented es
fur delicate diseases
NO. I. Tit E GREAT ketlV E. 11... —Speedily,
eradicates all the evil eireets of self a use,
us lo . s.Sof memory, shortness of breath, giddi
ness, palpitation of tile heart, dimness of vis
imi;'oriftly"coriatittitional derudigemenrol - the
dysteut brought on by the unrestrained indul,
getme °Rile passions. etsalike on either sex.
Price one dollar.
Nu. 2. Tire BA llf .—Krill cure in from two
o eight days, any case of t;onorrhuea,(clap)is
without taste or smell and requires tiQ rearm
tutu of action ur diet ; for either sex • price .$l.
'rue TKRE It will cure heat in the
shortest possible time, and I ran show, certiti
vales of cute. etleined by this remedy, weer
all others have tailed. No taste or
O. .t, Tok: Pt". NITER IS the only known
teuu•dy that will itintitively cure strictures ul
tat urethra, no matter of how longstanding or
neglected the case (nay be. price one dollar.
NO. d. Tile, SoLctrou will cure any case
of Gravel permanently and speedily rewov
till diseases from the bladder and holnez. s.—
No. U. "fur.P t: VENTOti is a sus: preven
tu, uoinst the contraction of any ditease, ii
less expensive and far preferable to anything
in use. Adapted to either sex. Price J.
NO 7. Tar AillAal a will cure the whites
radically and in less time than they can be ef
fectually removed by any other treatment; in
twit this is the only remedy that will really
cure Ull,l disease ; pleasitbt to take. Price si 1.
NO. 8. Tun OX/EICIA I'A.T . IL.S are cer
tam, safe and speedy in producing menstrue
imp or cow:cling any irregularities of the
monthly periods. Price two dnu u rs.
No. y. Tin: .V 1.411 A LF: FEGUAILU, ur Off
spring Regulator will last a lifetime. Price
Either of the kemedies will be sent tree by
maii on receipt of the price annexed. Circe
/ars containing valun'Ae information with lull
description of each Remedy, may he obtained
by enclosing one post stamp. Address
DH. FELIX BIWNOAV, liox 99,
These Retne,lies are sold In Marietta only by
JOHN JAY LISHART, where circulars con
taining a full description of each Case can be
obtained gratis, on application.
General Depot, North East Corner of York
A remie and Callowhill street,Philatielphia,Pa
Da' In complicated cased 1 can be consulted
by letter, vr petsollally at my orrice PlitlanCe
No. 401 York Avenue. Da. F. tREINCIN
( .. 1 1.17, ttIORRALL,
Having retuned b the Rooms formerly occupies
by Dr. twontiel, adjoining Spangler ¢ Pat
terson's Stare, Market Street, where he is now
prepared to wait on all who may feel
otila i "ZZ disposed to patronize him.
Dentistry in all As blanches car
tied on. TEETH inserted on the most approved
principles Of Dental aciente. All operations
on the mouth performed ir. a skillful and
workmanlike manner—on fair principles and
ON/ VERY REASONABLE TERMS.
flaying determined upon a permanent loca
tion at this nlstrix, would ask a continuation
of the lit ronage heretofore extended
to him, for witch he will render every possi
Er Ether administered to proper persons.
Pointer, Glazier and Paper Hanger
I - 17 OULU most respectfully inform the cit
izens of Marietta and the public gener
ali3; that hr is prepared to do
Paper Hanging, 4.c.,
At very short notice and at prices to suit the
times. He can be found at his mother's resi
dence on the corner of Chesnut and Second
streets, a few doors below the M. E. Church,
and immediately opposite the old Oberlin
Coach Works. [Aug. 3-Iy.
A MERICAN HOTEL,
Located on Chestnut street, opposite the
OLD STATE HOUSE,
and in close proximity to the principal Jobbing
and Importing Houses, Banks, Custom House,
and places of amusements. The City Cara
can be taken at the door (or within a square)
fern any depot in the City. The House has
heed reniAated and refitted.
It'TERMS 81:75 PER DATJ
'WYATT & HEULINGS,
NIOOSACKS OF SALT
Fot 'ale cheap at . Dltreabach's
.C[jt - c V aTi. t'ian
fir lfuhrOtat Venusglattia Punt: gittintth to votitits, (sittrature, Agritulture, Rtios of tilt gag, /total Ilfelligtiu-t,
DR. ROOFLAN IPS 4
Prepared by Dr. C. 111. Jackson,
IS NOT A BAR-ROONI DRINK, OR A
SUBSTITUTE FOR RUM,
Or an Intoxicating' Beverage, but a highly con
centrated Vegetable Extract, a Yule Tonic,
free from alcoholic atimulent or injurious drugs,
and will effectually cure
Liver. Complaint ,
WILL CURE EVERY CASE OF
Cluonic or Nervous Debility, Disease of the
Kidneys, and Diseases arising from a
OBSERVE THE FOLLOWING SYMPTOBIS'
resulting from dis Orders of the digestive organs:
Constipation, Inward Piles, Fumess or Blood
to the Head, Acidity of the Stomach, Nausea,
Heartburn Disgust for Food, Fullness or
weight in the Stomach, sour eructations, sink
qng or fluttering of the Pit of the Stomach,
iwimming of the Head, hurried and difficult
sreathing, fluttering at the heart, choking or
suffocating sensations when in a lying posture,
dimness of vission, dots or webs before the
sight, fuses and dull pain in the head,-defici
micy of perspiration, yellowness of the skin
and eyes, pain in the side, back, chest, limbs,
&c., sudden flushes of heat, burning in the flesh,
constant immaginings of evil, and great de
pression of spirits.
HOOFLAND'S GERMAN BITTERS
WILL. GIVE YOU
A Good Appetite,
StrJng i ernes,
Brisk Feelin g s,
A Good Constitution,
A Strong Constitution,
A Healthy Constitution, -
A Sound Constitution.
MAKE THE WEAR STRONG,
Will make the . _
Will make the
Wilt make tha
Will make the
Sallow Complexion Clear,
Will make the Dull eye
Clear and Bright.
II Will prove a blessing in every family.
a." 3 - Can be used with perfect salety by male
or Female, Old or Young.
There are many preparations sold under the
Dante of Bitters, put up in quart bottles, com
pounded cf the cheapest Whiskey or common
Kum, costing from 20 to 40 cents per gaikm,
the taste disguised by Anise or Coriander seed.
This dais of Bitters haseaused arid will con
.inue to cause, as long us they can be sold,
aundreds to die.tto death of a•drunkard. By
their use the System is kept continually undrr
the ioflucnce of alcoholic stimulit.its of the
worst kind, the desire for liquor is create I and
kept up, and the result is all the horrors at
tendant upon a drunkard's life and death. Be
ware of them.
Fur thoSe who .desire and wilt have a liquor
bitters, we publish the following receipt:
Get one bottle Iloofland's German Bitters and
mix with three quarts of good Whiskey or
Brandy, and the result will be a preparation
that will far excel in medicinal virtues and
true excellence any of the numerous liquor
bitters in the market, and toil/. cost much less.
You will have all the virtues of Hoofiand's Bit
ters in connection with a i good article of liquor
and at a much less price then these inferior
preparations will cost you.
Those suffering from maramus, wasting
away, with scarcely any fleith ou their bones
are cured in a very short time; one butt!.• in
such cases, will have most surprising effect.
Resulting from Fevers of any kind—these bit
ters will renew your strength in a short time.
FEVER AND Ann E.—The chills - will not re
turn if the Bitters are used. No person in a
fever and ague district should bt without them.
From Rev. J. _Newton Brown, D. D., Editor
of the Encyclopedia.of iteligtous Knowledge.
Aithough not c,spo.;'ed to favor or recommend
Patent Medicines in general, through diotiast
f their ingredients and effects ; 1 yet know
of no stb/4 •nt reason why a man may not tes
tify to the - benefits he believes himself to have
received from any simple preparation, in the
hope that he may thus contribute to the bene
fit of others_
I do this more readily in regard to HooflatuPs
German Bitterg, prepared by Dr..C. M. Jackson
because I was prejudiced against them for -a
number of years, under the impression that
they were chiefly an alcoholid mixture.' I am
indebted to my friend Rob't Shoemaker, esq.,
for the removal of this prejudice by proper
teats, and for encouragement to try them, when
suffering from great and long debility. The
use of three bottles of these bitters, at the be
ginning of the present year, was followed by
evident relief, and restoration to a degree of
bodily and mental vigor which 1 had not felt
for six months before, and had almost dispair
ed of regaining. I therefore thank God and
my friend for directing, me to the use of them.
J. NEWTON BROWN.
Philadelphia, June 23, 1362.
AND THE FRIENDS OF SOLDIERS
We call the attention of all having relations
or friends in the army to the fact that 4, Hoof
land's German Birters" will cure nine-tenths
of the diseases induced by privation and ex
posy es incident to camp life. In the lists
published almost daily in the newspapers, on
the,arrival of the sick, it will be noticed that
a very large proportion are suffering from de
bility. Every case of that kind can be readi
ly cured by floofland's German Bitters. We
ha:m no hesitatioY in stating that, if these bit
ters are freely used among our soldiers, hond
reds of lives might be saved that otherwise
would be lost.
The proprietors are daily receiving thankful
letters from sufferers in the army and hospi
tals,who have been restored to health by the use
of these Bitters, sent to them by their friends.
Beware of counterfeits! See that the'sig
nature of "C. M. Jackson," is on the wrapper
of each bottle.
Large Size; $1:00 per bottle, ordozen for $5.
Medium size, 75c per bottle, or t dozen for $4
The larger size, on • account of the quantity
the bottles hold, are much the cheaper.
Should your nearest druggist not have the
article, do not be put .off by any of the intoxi
cating preparations that may be offered in its
place, but send to us, and we will forward,
securely packed, by tXpress.
Principal Office and Manufactory,
No. 631 Arica STRZET.
JONES & EVANS,
(SUccessors to C. M. Jackson*. Co-,)
Prop . tidors.
For sale by Druggists and w Dealers in every
own in the United States. [may 30- ly
MARIETTA, PA., SATURDAY, JANUARY 30, 1864.
Delicate - Heal ty,
D li 1 rry,
Vutaizba cbtrp „%aturbap Attruin,g
OFFICE • • CRULL's Row, Front Street, five
doors below Flury's Hotel.
TERMS, One Dollar a year, payable in ad
vance, and if subecriptiors be not paid within
six months 81.215 will be charged, but if de
layed until the expiration of - the year, $1.50
will be charged.
ADVERTISING RATES : One Square (12
lilies, or less) 50 cents for the first insertion and
25 cents for each subsequent insertion. Pro
fessional and Business cards; of six lines or less
at $3 per annum. Notices in the reading col
umns, five cents a-line. hlarriages and Deaths,
the simple announcement, FREE; but for any
additional lines, five cenis a line.
A liberal' eduction made to yearly and half
Hiving recentled added a large lot of new
Job and Card type, Cuts, Borders, &c., to the
Job Office of "The IVlariettian,” which will
insure the fine execution of all kinds of Jos &
CARD PRINTING, from the smallest
Card to the largest Poster, at prices to suit the
With a blooming maiden sitting,
While she nimbly plies her knitting,
Pleased I gaze upon her beauty,
While I fill my happy duty,
"Paying out' , the zephyr double,
Richly paid for pleasant trouble,
Just to watch her nimble fingers,
And her ruby lip, where lingers
Many a beauty in her smiling,
All my loving.soul beguiling ;
Just to feel the wondrous thrilling
Of my heart, with rapture filling.
While beside the maiden sitting,
"Paying out" while she is knitting,
I am thinking how our knitting
Is an illustration fitting
Of the real life we're living :
Of the mercies God is giving
In the active world around him,
When to woman man has bound him
Then are love and labor making
All the joys our souls are taking.
Ills to labor are supplying,
"Paying out" life's thread., and trying
Ever to undo its tangling ;
Ever to protect from wrangling;
His to give life's thread, and held it :
Hers, in love to gently mould it
Into forma of use and beauty:
Thus they link their love and duty.
Who AN- the -First Oyster ?
The name of the courageous individu
al who ate the first oyster has not been
reported, but there is a legend concern
ing him to the following effect: Once
upon a time—it must be a prodigious
long time ago—a man of melancholy
mood, who was walking by the shore of
a picturesque estuary, listening to the
sad sea-waves, espied a very old amdtug
ly oyster, all coated over with pooesites
and seaweads. it was so unpreposessing
that he kicked it with his foot, awl the
animal, 'astonished at such rudeness on
its own domain, gaped wide with indig
nation. Seeing the beautiful cream
colored layer that shone within the
shelly covering, and thinking the interi
or of the shell itself to be beautiful, he
lifted up the aged "native" for farther
examination, inserting his linger and
thumb between the shells. The irate
motto°, thinking no doubt that this was
meant for a further insult, snapped his
pearly door Ouse upon the finger of the
intruder, causing him some little pain.
After releasing his wounded digit, the
inquisite gentleman very naturally put
it in his mouth. " Delightful !" ex
claimed he, opening wide his eyes.—
"What is this ?" and again he sucked
his thumb. Than the truth flashed upon
him. He bad accidentally achieved the
most important discoveil , ever made up
to that date ! Taking up a stone he
forced open the doors of the oyster, and
gingerly tried a piece of the mollusc it
self. Delicious was the result ; and so,
there and then, that solitary, simony
mous man inaugurated the oyster ban
ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK.—None but
the married man has a home in his old
age. None has friends, then, but he ;
none but he knows and feels the solace
of the domestic hearth ; none but he
lives and freshens in his green old age,
amid the affections of his children.—
Tiers is no tear shed for the old bache
lor ; there is no ready hand and kind
heart to cheer him in his loneliness and
bereavement ; there is none in whose
eyes he can see himself reflected, and
from whose lips he can receive the un
failing assurances of care and love. Se,
may be .courted for his money ; he may
eat and drink and revel ; and be may
sicken and die in an hotel or a garret,
with plenty-of--attendants about him,
like so many cormorants waiting . for
their pray ; but he will never know the
comforts of the domestic fireside.
lIRF "Which is the most solemn and
awful moment of a,naval battle ?" asked
a lady of a naval officer. . `"The moment
tiefore the battle, madam, -when. they
sprinkle sand on ihe decksjto absorb - the
blood that Is soon tolowi" replitid th e
A Hundred Dollar Note,"
Old Mr. V—, a well-to-do farmer
out in Illinois, bad some marriageable
daughters; and, being one of that cfass
of men who think their daughters should
get married as soon as they are out of
their short clothes, felt somewhat cha
grined that his girls should remain on
his hands so, long.
Now there was a young fellow in the
neighborhood who had been . waiting on
the V— girls for some time, and had
gone the rounds from oldest to young
est; and the old man had been anxious
ly waiting for, and expecting young
B— to ask his "consent"lor some one
of the girls, but as yet had waited in
vain. B—, however, had proposed
and had been accepted ; bat the old
folks had not been made acquainted
With the fact,
Now, in the meantime, young B—
had purchased a fine horse of the old
gent, and had given his note on six
months' time for one hundred dollars.
Welt, pay-day was fast approaching,
and B— had not the "ready" to meet
it ; so, the day before the note became
due, B. made his way overt° the old
gent's, determining to ask for his daugh
ter—hoping thereby to get an extension
on the note, at least.
As good luck would have it, he met
the old man in the yard, and was about
to go through with that somewhat em
barrassing'-ceremony; of "asking con
sent," when imagine his surprise and
joy, the old gent broke out with the
"Look here, B—. you yottag rascal,
you have been courtin' my gals for
more'h a year'; you've been gadin' and
cutrin' round with the hull on 'em.—
Now, your note comes due to-morrow,
and I'll tell you what I'll do. You shall
ecitiriy 'tine' of' 'the gala—l dori't care a
snap-which—and I'll give a good settin
out, 'and your hundred dollar note to
boot ; and if you don't, I'll sue you, by
"It's a bargain," says B—, "I'll do
it." And the next week there was a
"tall wedding" down at the old man
V—'s ; and to this day B— chuck
les over the.way the old man gave his
conse b nt without asking, "and a hundred
dollar note to boot."
Arterous Ward, in a recent let
ter, thus gives his idea of re-organiza-
"I never attempted to re-organize my
wife but once. I shall never attempt it
again. .I.'d bin to a public dinner, and
had allowed myself to be betrayed into
drinkin' several people's healths; and
wishin' to make 'em as robus as possi
ble, I continued drinking their healths
until my own became affected. Conse
kens was, I presented myself 'at Betsy's
bedside late at nite, with considerable
licker concealed about my person. 'I
had somenow got perseschun of a hoss
whip on my way home, and rememberin"
some cranky observashuns of Mrs.
Ward's in the mornin', I soapt the whip
putty lively, and in a very loud voice I
said, Betsy, you need re-organizin' ! I
have come, Betsy, I continued—crackin'
the whip over the bed—l !lave come to
re-organize you! T dreamed that hitil
that sumbody had laid a hosswhip over
me sev'ril couseckootive times ; and
when Ilvoke up I found she had. I
haint drunk much of anythin' since ; and
if ever I have another re-organizin' job
on. hand, I shall let it out."
Oar So long as a woman inspires love,
she is not old. But, what is it-to he
old ? It does not depend upon the fact
that we• hUve existed during a certain
mysterious number of years which have
been allotted to each of us. 'To be old,
is to have no longer a beauty that
charms. If a woman preserves the-at
tractions of youth until she reaches the
age of one hundred, she will be younger
than the woman of twenty Who has lost
tom .Five of the sweeteetwords in the
English language begin with. H, which
is only a breath ; Heart, Hope, Home,
Happiness and Heaven. -Heart ilk a
hope-place; and home is a heart.place,
and that man, sadly mistaketh, who
would exchange the happiness of home
for anything less than heaven. •
ilhir Spurgeon sometimes cornea out
with a good . thin : ''Brothren„" said le;
"if God ktuLitirred,the ark to a can
mitten on tusAloffairs, it's my opinion
it. wouldn't havf3A)M built yet."
"Ah,;13111, my arid tr ; a . has' - beein
NOW :l 'irorh,ina yOnr'iihilin't." "Weil,
what of thaf—roi untie has been in jail
and your'ti hain't." ' '
A Lawyer Nonplussed.
Forney's Press bas -the following ac
onnt of a case before Alderman White
in that city :
It is an amusing thing to observe the
style in which some of the members of
the bar cross-examine witnesses in - suits
that come up before the' magistracy of
our city. The class of lawyers to whom
we allude assume an air of dignified im
portance, and in some cases design to
be witty at the expense of witnesses:—
Occasionally, however, they wake up an
original wit, under the, force of which
the "leairned gentlemen" must fall.
A• case of this kind came partly under
our notice yesterday. It was a civil
action over which the magistrate had
the power to decide. The cross-exami
nation was conducted as follows :
Lawyer. - -" Now, sir, you say that you
heard the defendant say that he would
pay the plaintiff $22 50 for the goods ?"
Witness.—".l did, air."
Lawyer.—" This was in the tavern ?"
W itness.—'tlYes, sir."
Lawyer.—" You are sure yon heard
the agreement ?"
Witness.—" Yes, sir."
Lawyer.—" Now do you say on your
oath that yon heard the agreement
Witness.—" Not exactly on my oath,
sir ; I say no such thing."
Lawyer to Alderman.—" You hear
that, your honor; please make a note
of that on your docket; the witness
Lawyer.—" What do you mean, sir,
that you say no such thing upon your
Witness.—" That oath, sir, is regis
tered in JEleaven ; I em not on it, but
I'm under it."
The Alderman smiled, the ,lawyer
looked . rather spell-bound. He contin
ued in the following manner—
Lawyer.—" Well, sir, you had some
refreshments at. the time of the agree
Witness.—" Well, yes, air, we had
"You were..perfeetly sober,
of course ?"
Witness.—" Well, I reckon I was."
Lawyer.—" How many times did you
Witness, (Counting to himself.)—
"Well, let me see ; I reckon about .five
or six times."
Lawyer.—" And still you were per
fectly sober ?"
Witness.—" Why, of course, I was
just as sober then as I am now."
Lawyer.—" How many glasses does
it take to make you drunk 7"
Witness.—" Ali! that I cannot tell.
I suppose sometimes it would take more
and sometimes less ; it would depend
Pretty much upon the condition of my
'Lawyer.—"Tben your stomach was in
rood order on that day ?"
Lawyer.—" And you were , !,perfectly
sober after drinking, to your own show
ing, five or six. - glas.ses. Now, didn-'t
you. drink- more t"
Witness.—" Not at that tinie ; we had
several drinks in the evening::
Lawyer.--" Now, sir, what did you
drink.; was it lager beer ?"
14wy er.—" M al t or spirituous ligtior 2"
Lawyer:--"Was it wine ; if so, what
Lawyer.—" Was it any kind of 'car-
"No, sir!" (emphatically.)
Lawyer.—" Now, sir under your:oath,
tell - the magistrate what you. did. drink ;
this case isliedoming important!"
Witness.—".T. drank sarsaparilla."
The Alderman could'not maintain his
gravity' any longer, but burst into a
laugh that extended 'among the parties
to the suit - and spectators. • The lawyer
laid down his pen, and with - rather - pale
lopks, • told the witness that he might
WOmsxvs. Gier.s.---WOmen ought to
-be of 'More importance than girls, but
who does not know that the ease is - ok
, itetly the reverse r '?' /low many woman
do we'all know who shrink from Flociety,
give their whole time to family-duties,
bury themselves up at home, and,eeem
toLbe of mo .other use in the•,w,orld Ann
to dress their for parties, apd.ieep
the louse in. ordeelor theirbearT: -Of
course the'.ehildren grow up.with.the
idea that mother is of no consequence
and don't know the world. They go
abroad.for, their Opinions lad spare all
home in nonce. •
VOL 10.-NO. ^ 26:
The Meaning of Oyez.
"Oyez I Oyez ! Oyez !" calls out the
crier and rapping his baton , on the floor,
he calls the court to order.. I often
wondered what these words meant, but
lately I learned that they were the Nor
man-French for Hearkerd Hearken-I-
Hearken !—and were first introduced
by William the Conqueror in the elev. ,
enth century. Thousands of criers who
used these words have never heard the
meaning of them, never dream that they
are obeying the behests of William, who
has been nearly eight hundred years
sleeping in his tomb. He tried hard to
make the`people of England speak his
native tongue altogether, but failed.—
The Normans considered themselves
immensely superior to the English, but
William found it hard work incorpora
ting the two, and fusing the two lan
guages into one. Indeed a century
passed away before it had taken place,
and for more thartolcich,, hundred year
after the time I ugili - otkniAng, up fO
the time of-Edward the First, tileitirdi
nary imprecation of ,a,I orman gentle
man was, "May I become an English
marl," and his ordinary form of indig
nant denial was, ‘.'ITo ; you take me far
an Englishman ?" an BA Macaulay
quaintly remarks, "lhe descendant of
such a gentleman a hundred years later
was proud of the Englishmen."
No SETTER.—"Sam," said a mil:after
to his man of-all-work, "you must bottle
the cask of whisky this afternoon ; but,
as the vapor of the whisky may be inju
rious, take a glass of it before you be
gin, to prevent intoxication." NoW
Samuel was an old soldier, and never
was in better spirits than when bottling
whisky ; and, having received from his
,master a special licenee to taste, went
to work most heartily. Some - hours
after the minister visited the cellar to
inspect the progress, and was horrified
to find Sam lying his full length on- the
floor, unconscious of all around. "Oh ,
Sam," said the master, "you have not
taken my advice, and you see the con
sequences. Rise, Sam, snd take a glass
yet, it may •restore you." Sam, nothing
loth, took the glass, and having emptie,d
it, said :—"Oh, :sir, this is the thirteenth
glass I've taken, but I'm no better."
SIMPLICITY or DRESs.—Female loveli
ness never appears to so good advantage
as when set off with simplicity of dress.
No artist ever decks his angels with
towering feathers and grand jewelry ;
and our dear human angels, if they
would make good their title to that
name, should carefully avoid ornaments
which properly belong to Indian squaws
-and African princes. These trinkets
May serve to give effect on the stage or
on a ball room floor, but in the routine
of daily life there is no, substitute for
simplicity. A vulgar taste - is nut to be
disguised'by gold or diamonds.
NOT JaNKINEL—Not more than a hun
dred years ago, an artist painted a por
trait of Mr. Jenkins, who was noted for
his frequent libations. The artist in
vited the gentleman's friends to see it,
and they inspected it and pronounced it
excellent. One of them, however, Who
was rather neamighted, complaining of
the light, approached it to change its
position, when the artist exclaimed :
"Don't touch it : it ,isn't dry." "No use
of looking at it, then," replied the gen
tleman, "it can't be mY friend Jenkins."
To Gnowtwns.---The proof that your
butter is goodls that- you do not taste
it. The proof that your body is in a
healthy condition is that you do not feel
it. The proof.that you are esjoying al
- every blessing that you need, is
that, you think very little about your
condition. For it is human, nature to
growl over everything that is,not pleas
ant, and to take as a matter of course
the blessings of God.
air A good one is told of a Quaker
volunteer who was is a Virginia skir
mish. Comingin pretty close quarters
with a rebel,, he, remarked—" Friend, it's
unfortunate, but thee, stands just where,
l'ut,soing to shoot," and, blazing.awo.y,
down came the rebel.
- gas A drunken Scotehmaa returning
from a fair, fell asleep by. the; roadside,
,when piggoand him and begau licking
his. month. Sawney roared
"Ntha's kissing me noo ? Ye see
wha's it is tii 'be Well like among the
lasses I." _
Or' "I alp - afraid, air, you are
settled cdelip:obo :Fi
. 1 3.?9
melancholy won'i has too