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V OMR XXIII.
JUST THE THING
WIIICII ALL MUST till I
----.0-
OW - le - ths - time
scarce. You Should-•-nfi — • •, u
supplying your wants at the first class store of C.
N. BEAVER. North-east corner of the Diamond.
He does business on the only successful method,
viz: by buying his goods for cash. The old fogy
idea of buying goods at high prices and on Ingo
credits is
EXPLODED.
Call end examine - ourftne - stock - end don't be
RUINED
- fay paying 2:0 per cunt. too much for your goods else
where. We wi,ll chalenge the community so show
forth a more complete stock of
If .TS, all of ,the very latest styles and to suit all,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
BOOTS, all kinds and prices • ,
at k. BEAVER'S.
SHOESTof-every-description - forMen l si - f - Adies', -
/lime and Children's wear,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
C. N. BEAVER.
EL of all eizn. the very beat manufacture,
by
TitUN
also warrat
by C. N. BA EVER.
VALISES, of every kind, also very cheap.
at C. N. BEAVhIR'S.
—HA'VS,-forladies,-Missos_ and- Children, a fresh
supply recenied every week and sold
by C.N. BEAVER.
NOTIONS, a lull line as follows, sold
by C.N. BEAVER.
P PER. COLLARS, for Men and Boys wear,
Pie mutt complete and finest assortment in town,
by . C. N. BEAVER.
HOSIERY, of every kind, for side,
by ' C. N. BEAVER..
GLOVES, for Men and Boys wear,
C. N. BEAVER'S.
inUSPENDERS, for Men and Boys wear,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
CANES AND I_IMBRELL AS, a complete stock
at C. N, BEAVER'S,
BROOMS AND:BRUSHES,' of the rely best
kind, at C. N. - MEYER'S.
To SACCO, to suit the tittle of *II, •
C. N. BEAVER'S.
CIGARS, which cannot be bent, for sale. .
by C. N. BEA VER.
SNUFF, which we chalenge ar.y one to excel ip
Ruci ty, for - iale
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
IN K and PAPER, of every description,
at . C. N. BE AVER'S.
CANDIES, always fresh too, for sale,
st C. N. BEAVER'S
SPICES, for sale
CRACKERS, of egg kind,
at C. N. BEAVER'S
INDIGO BLUE,
C. N. BEAVER'S,
CONCENTRATED LIE, fur gale,
at. C; N. BEAVER'S.
KEROSENE,of the Iraq test,—Pitto.
at 0. N. BEAVER'S.
LAMP CHPANIES also,
C. N. BEAVER'S.
And many other articles not necessary to mention.
We now hope that you wilt give ug a share of your
patronage. We are indeed, thankful to yoa,tor past
patronage, and hope a continuance of the saute,
. , end remain yours truly,
CLARENCE N, BEATER.
Waynesboro"; Jane 2, 1870.
D . S. SMITH
Ilas a complete assortment of
laadies,
ppeiitlemen%
Misses'
Chiidreu's
BINITS, SHOES IND BITERS,
Call and see goods snd get prices.
THOMSON'S "GLOVE FITTING COR
SETS, at 6.111T11'16.
SCROOIs BOOKS
and .
• SCHOOL STATIONINLY
of all binds it SMITH'S Town Hall Btoro,
HATS AND CAPS,
A full stock now ready, co d psieting of ell the
hoes styles, 'at
rAPga COLLARS,
Ties, Suspenders, Gloves, everything in that
line, of ' SMITH'S
Town Ilan Store.
nov 3.
hardware "
nn ving just returned from the
J. Ems ,n, 'repafeil to eel! Cutlery, Buil.
ding H • ordinary low rates.
tisu!rtif.,p ah they are enabled to
indrk , ' for cash.
• A full•lhae-' , ,2 ' , ex's' and 13Iacksmiths' Goods
always on hand,
They are a'so agents for the celebrated Lemnos
rd s e Tool Works.
JOHN 'HUBER 'lc SONIA.
che t tabcrislum ; No 177-187 0 ,4 ,'
110 1),
C. N. BEAVER'S
Nervonsoees is one of the terrible punish•
meets wreaked upon foe sins of our civilizA
attn. It is deterioration so fine, so searching,
that to microscope can follow its trail; no ad
ded powers which science gives to the visnla
organs can discover its biding place Women
stiffer more from these eatnelese pangs and
horrors than men, because of finer organist
tien tad suseer,tibilities. It is easier to un
twist s tangle of rope than a tangle of silk
thread. Unhealthy soled. among women
conies oftentimes, Dot' because it is too lull
enough. ilonsehold !trudges and mothers,
worn down with the constant wearing care
of children, are nervous because the chords
of life are fretted thin is one place. Those
women need contact with the fresh and in.
vigorating Whence of nature; contact with
people, amusements, diversions, change,
which they never get until they break down.
Modern women is edacatioe are immense.
ly ahead of their grandmothers, but the
grandmothers had Found nerve, and so the
balaufecls made even. No tenet can tell,
or pen irortray, the anguish many women en
dare who, have their mental powers devel
oped, and then find nothing in life upon
which to nee them. Filen the, employments
of women are more complex, varied and• so
cial than they now are, nervousness will lose
'some of its most repulsive features. Witten
the pricipla of• selection is introduced into
women's work, the gnawing unrest and dis•
content will be quieted. When the bodies
of women are strengthened by a free out of.
door life, more Irecing, active exercise, the
nerves of women will grow vigorous io tone
and action.
SM/TEl'B,
When the interests of women expand• to
tate is more of ibis broad, overfiowiog uni.
verse; then the sentiment of love' whith is
now immensely overgrown will cease tO harm,
and , will become woman's erns o of beauty,
instead of playing • strains, laag/ed, • oat •of
tune and harsh, upon a morbid and diseased
nervous syn4sm --The Rruaution.
Hardware, !
Mrs. No of Keel:Leville, Ind., it' Witte
triously at work trying to get her seventh
divorce. She coomenced about ten yeara
ago with pethiug iu the world but a 'disposir
Lion to do or die—and look, at • her o)vr.=—.
She bee got tier eight hushed licked out
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTI, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAY MORN
izocmlWia4Lll.
110 W SOON Iva' ARE FORGOTTEN.
0, how soon we are forgotten,
When we rest beneath the sod ;
And our feet no longer - wander,
O'er the paths we oft have trod ;
When the form that was so cherished
With - ulove - both - pure and deep,
tea wit in the earth's dark bosom,
hi its long, last, quiet bleep.
For a few brief days, it may be—
lied we home and kindred dear, '
NN hen they,meet around the hearthstone,
There will be a lack of.cheer ;
As a vacant seat will tell them
Of affection's broken ties :
And their them perchance will wander,
Where the drearelesssleeparfies.
But should a-stern fate deP;ire 114
Of a bright and cheerful home ;
And in weariness of sp;rit,
O'er life's rugged way we ioarn ;
.When the golden bowl is broken.,
And the lone one finds a rest ;
'Twill excite no dread commotion
• In one palpitating breast.
Yet 'tis well that thus it should be,
In life's brief revolving 'ears;
Would become a Tale of tears;
Yr hen the soul attuned to eaJneee,
And by sorrow overcast,
\., Would enshrine theThrightest future
With sad mem'ries of the past.
MIS26O.IIIMATAAM:2III2".
Nervous Women.
The little demon for which nervousness
stands is smottig the worst enemies that afflict
women. It is intangible, mysteries's, not to
be described or underetood - by soy — but — this
poor victim herself, and imperceptibly by
her. It has as many hues as the chameleon,
as many forms as Porteus, and withoutaJo
eal habitation it is still an ever-preeent mis
ery.
Nervousness Is a thing nobody pities be
cause pity is vulgar, and asks for pallor of
countenance and weakness of frame before it
shows itself. Nervous women are the lust
nodorstood and commiserated of all classes
of individuals,
sod yet, where there is one
women ailing from say other cause, there
are twenty ailing from nervousness A thing
so complex mast neeeesarily have a complex
origin.
It comes from too much work and too lit
tle work; from too entieb brain stimulus:
from a lonely life with cravings of the soul
that are sever answered, from an excess of
dissipatios and unhealthy habits, both rues
tal and physical.
Undoubtedl.y the person who could find a
panacea for this modern misery of which, is
old times, even the name is unknown, would
be the greatest possible benefactor of his
kind. It would require a subtle insight into
the complex relation of body and soul, of
which no physician has yet given evidence
and perhaps we mast look in vain for a true
doctor, or a true remedy for diseased nerve,
which are the spirit telegraph lines extend
ing all over the body oat of repair, until we
know bettor how to live; move, and have oar
mental being, more in accordance with na •
tare's laws.
Xra.clopex3cile•zit INTowstypistrleze.
The Credit System.
The credit system is one of. the most in: -
jurious that can be fastened upon a commu
nity, audit is also one of the most difficult
disorders for a community to get rid of. In.
a country like ours, where every workman
gets his pay each Saturday night,,if lie eh°.
see to have it, and when producers and far
mers get either the cash down.er payment in
thirty days for everything they part with
from their farms, there is no:reason in the
world for the long credits which it seems
merchants are obliged, to give, gr lose their
trade. In former times, when there;was but.
little money in the country, and the surpliis
- orthe - fsturvr as - bartered away - for - suelys tom
goods as the family might geed, the • neces
sity
of long open accounts will be admitted, I
but that an evil which took its rise in an ab
normal state of Society should be continued,
when the occasion which brought it into ex
istence has long been removed, is simply one
of those inconsietenries that we meet with in
life constantly. A careful examination would
seem to disclose to the reason why this state
of affiire continues to exist.. That it is not
the fault of the farmer, we will be obliged
to admit, when wo ta kel into consideration
the fact that the farmer has ceased to pert
with 'the produce of Lie farm on long time.
His dealings, when_ke_tviakes sales, are eon •
fined to those who boy for cash or its equiv
alent.
The same is tree of the mechanic as to the
labor of his hands. If it is rot the farmer
or mechanic, then it most be the merchant
himself who is tea .onsible for the State of
trade. If the desire to maks sale• will Com
pel him sot only to mark his goods close, but
own short-sighted policy,,then he mast eon:
-plain,and-when-be—fiads, r that.intereat:lcV4
eats up profits,—and.haddebta destron i the
principal, he must not complain that he is
ed by trade; his rain comes from the al -
petition of ussound_prie_ciples:te_titc_itolu,
tten of a perfectly plain problem A:eure
seems to suggest itself at once. Let Omer
chant follow the farmer and mechanic
only for cash or sbott time, and the problem
is solved. It appears to require soma nerve
to do this. The merchant who does this,
while he may not sell the moat goods, will
sell those ho does to the best advantage, and
in time will retire froth trade with a better
bank account than his neighbor who prefers
to'sink his capital is bad debts
'hug TRAGEDY OF LIFE —Life is a men
etrous disappointment, end death the -only
portal to peace. There is not a day that 'pes
tles-1a whieh•rirtne does not sell itself lot
bread, in which some poor, frenzied creature
does not rash madly upon death; in Which
the good are not persecuted and the weak
trampled upon. Behind windows that you
look heedlessly at, tragedies red as any histo
ry or Lydon ever paintedsee being played,
aad faces yen admire meek with smiles an in
ward torture worse ihan the agony of the
rack. Who, among out readers, has realiz
ed the fulfilment of his early hope? Whose
life has not its mortifications, its bitter con
cealments, its studied evasions, its poignant
humiliations, its will .nneasiaese, its wrest
hug and defeat? But we do not represent
life We represent the fairest portion and
the highest level of it. Beneath us is the
great mass of humanity, and. they writhe and
mono and weep; they toil and atarve,:and
came, and fight, mod die. The world goes
roaring on as heedless of those who tall as
the wale in Autumn is heodloss of the leav
es it strips from the trees or the branches it
wrenches away.
REST —Leisure is never so enjoyable as
when it comes unexpectedly, like the visit
of a long•abseot friend. And to be sweet it
must be short. Too much of it palls upon
the appetite. Luxurious as a warm bath, it
is also as enervating lie who finds himself
suddenly possessed of leisure in great plea•
ty will do well to dispose of the bulk of it as
soon as possible, by setting himself at .some•
thing serbus to do. Systematized activity
is one of the best, preservatives against 'dull
care ' Leisure is but a sauce of life, which
helps to tnake_work more palatable and di
gestible,—the one spit from the other soon
becomes disgusting Men of leisure, as they
are called, are most commonly restless, fiig
city and unhappy men. The kindest thing
which can be done to . them is to deprive them
of the greater part of their leisure. I At first
sight it does not seem so, but a very experi
ence will prove that it is so. Much leisure
infers the absence of a purpose; and life
without a purpose, is a perpetual burden.
Tii VALOR o' I h:usu.—The dark days
of . perplexities and trial, when they are
eavironed by • care and adversity, are the
days when true character is brought out
and the real streogth of the soul fully *level.
oped. No man knows what he may seem
plies until his (radium:fee has been ,proved
by ordeal of adversity. Were there
,uothing
to try his stamina. he would new 'become
aware of his ability. People ,my deplore
the vexations of life as much as thay please,
yet when serious reflaetion is employed upon
the subject will be forced to admit that
trial is as necessary to the acquirement of
full mental Strength as severe, training is to
the dovelopmeat of the physioal As
ageneral.rulai people are apt to underrate
thew,powers of ioduranee; and ware it mot
that hardships Were seat upon them: and.,
the, path, of life mail rough occasionally,'
they would degenerate tote imbeciles.
. , •
A dentist, trying is vain to'extraet a de
caying tooth from a lady's mouth, gave up
the task with tAis apology : 'The feet' is,
madari;tt is inapossible for aoyttiing bad to
come from your mouth'
,
• ...I hope this is. not cortoterfeit,! said •a lo
ver, as he was toying with his -sweetheart's
'fingers. 'The beat way to lisd ou,t bitorciog
, .
it s ' wee the neat. reply.-
Love and a Farm.
Quite n number of odd and amusing scenes
trequently . occur with parties who visit; the
Probate Cotirt, for the purpose of Securing
the necessary document to legalise their mar
riage. But the other day a young man, a
bout the age of twenty-one, accompanied by
one of the opposite sex equally as young, as
cended the main steps of the Court House,
and then, on being directed to the- Probate
Court, took up the line of march for its hal
lowed precincts. Reaching the door, ho re
fused to enter.
The rustic maiden, who was extremely
anxious to see the marriage programme oar•
ried—to-a-eueoesaful-isenei-looked-upon - lita 2
with pleading eyes, and then, taking hint by
the hand in the most tender manner, be
seeched him to enter court and climb the li
cense.
'Oh come along, Jake; what's the use
of backing out ?' tell in dulcet tones upon
Jacob's ear.
'AI el i ntl 1 ean't The old man kill e
me-fits-if—l-marry you.'
'Haven't you told me a thousand times over
that .you would marry ms in spite of the old
man r
'Yea! yea! but there is—'
6 1a what ?'
'Why the farm.'
'Plague take the farm.'
'Yes, but, AleHedy,' reasoned ter lover,
hadn't we better wait till the old man dies,
and thee I'll have the farm morel'
'Dad rot his old life, he'll lie fifty years
yeti there's no die in him, Come along new
au. git that ere Iteense; I tan to
put off any more,'
tell on what I'll do Melind '
'Well, spit her out.'
',if the old_man_holds ont nit:Ling baying
yon till Christmas, I'll hare you then, farm
or no farm.'
'Sure ?'
'As ante as my name's Jacob.'
'Well, let her go tben till Christmas, bat
if you back out then, Jake, look sharp.'
'l'll toe the scratch then, by jingo, if the
old man runs me off from ;he farm with a
double barrelled sbot-gun, certain'
And Jake looked as.if he-would.
Thus re assured on being married by Christ.
mas,'lady drew off with her Jake, fully
satisfied, doubtless, with the postponement.
But if Jake does prove recreant to his prom.
ism, he will•wager any amount of pickle that
Melindy will go for him, to use the vernacu•
ler of the uncultivated, 'like a thousand of
brick.'—lndiana Paper.
I A correspondent of the Abingdon (ill.)
Democrat, writing from Knoxville, thus re
ines-the-peculiar death of a miser residing in
the latter place who was reputed wcrih . 820,
000,—‘He had a nephew,' says the corns•
pondent, - la very worth young man, who was
going out west to Beek his lotion°. A few
days' before he was ready to leave he wifirt
to the old uncle to sell him some notes of
heed which he held, the old miser would sot
touch them, but said ; 'Yon have alwaysbeen
a good boy only a little too extravagant; I
will make you a little pretest before yen
leave.' lie drew a check on the bank lot
$5, as he supposed, but owing to his bad
eyesight and worse penmanship, it proved to
be $5OO. This unaccountable not of benev
olence soon became noised about town, and,
of course, came to the ears of the miser. He
rushed to the bank, and under mach excite
ment asked one of the bank °Maisie what the
amount of cheek he had given his nephew
was. - 'Five hundred dollars,' said the clerk.
'Whatl' said the miser. 'Five handfed dol.
tarn,' said the clerk, producing the ehecik.---
After reading, and trembling in every me.
cle, he gave one longdrawn sigh and exclaim
ed, 'My (}od! I am a raked man: then sank
down and died!'
In a small Ohio town, the pastor of the
church Concluded to accept a call
to another field of. labor, and resigned his
pastorate. Deacon 14. was very sorry to
lose this good shepherd, but, with an eye to
the spiritual interests of the church, began,
with others, to cast about for a succeesore—
An eligible man having been found, he paid
a visit to the place, and whilst there the
Deacon was anxious that he shouldp have an
opportunity of exhibiting his powers to the
congregation. Dot there was this difficul
ty io the way : the late pastefe resigdatioa
had been set out fur several weeks is the fu
ture, and was still occupying the pulpit.—
The Deacon, having doubts as to the delica.
cy and propriety of thrusting a new candidate
in before the old one bad taken his depart.
turn, took the only proper course—went to
the pastor and stated the ease.
'Well, t don's know about this; said the
latter. • don't altogether like it. It's too
lynch like 'getting' on with the new love ha.
fore you're off• with the old.. It's not usual
far a man to commence courting a new- wife
before the old one is buried, is it T .
'No, replied the Deacon, don't know as
tie ; and it ain't n - saill for a corpse to be lyin,
round in this way six weeks after death,
eiher.
Bs A MAN,--Foolish spending is.: the
father of poverty. Do not be ashamed, of,
work. Work for the beat salary or wages
you can get, but work for half pries 'rather
than be idle. 13e your owe matter; and do
not lot society or fashion swallow up your
individually—baton:oat and boots. ; ; Do not
.eat up or wear out all you can earn. Com
pel selfish body to spare some thingfor pro
fit! saved. Be stiogy to your own appetite,
but merciful to others necessities. help
others, and ask not help- for yourself. See
that you are prompt: Lot your pride be of
the right kind. Be toe proud to be hay;
too road to give up without o.uqueriog cy.
try difficulty , ; too proud to wear a coat you
cannot afford to buy; 'too proud to:' be to
company that your:met keep up with in
expensea• ' too proud to lie, of Meat of cheat;
:oo proud to be stingy.
NG, FEBRUARY 2, 1671:
A Student'S Joke.
Ebenezer Sweat of Brunswick ie a previa
ion dealer. Belton been a 'Meat man! in
Brunswick for the last half century, and_
ban probably furnished Bowdoin students
tougher meat and harder swearing th a n .
they ever experienced in alter life. Ebene
zer is considerable of a wag, but a story is
told in Brunswick which shows that at least
on one oceation he was outwitted.
A Student called into his market one
morning, and seeing a large tub full of eggs
on the floor, eyed it very wisely for some mu. '
manta, and thus accosted Sweat :
'.I will wager twenty-fire cents that I can
amp-htortha t - tub - a orb re alc - atre — g - g — .'
'You can't do it,' replied Sweat.
stake twenty-five cents; I can,' respoid
ed the student.
'Well, here's twenty fire cents,' continued
Swear, 'put up your money.'
The money was accordingly soleinnly put
into the bands of a third party, and the stu
dent prepared for the difficult encounter.—
In a moment he made a leap, and the next
moment he felt crash into the tub of eggs
and rested bit feet on the bottom—breaking
nearly all of the eggs in the tub.
'There,' eitelabined Sweat in a fury of de
light, 'you've het : I knew you Couldn't do
it,' not thinking in his delight at winning of
anythigg but that.
'Wear,' replied the student, es he coolly
turned and went out of thc market, there'll
your twenty five cents •
It was a long time before 141benean recov
ered from that .A9.
ffif:dEMi
GOOD JOKE 0$ A DRUGGIST —We hear
of a _God 'nke on a Gel ; .
oated not far from our maintain. Mr. P.
started,sorae_ yearevago, for_N.ew_York, load
ed with ,greenbacks, to purchase some of
Sqvibb's best chemicals. Having business
at Albany, be stopped over, putting up at
the Stanwix. Morpheus overcame his drow
ey faculties, and be retired to his room, a
very large and commodious olio, first floor,
last one, leit side, nest to North River. Be•
fore going to bed, P. thought he would look
for hurglers. Wash stand and bureau were
overhauld, bed looked under, then a side
door was examined, which-'might lead into
a closet where some burglarious truss vias•
hid.' P. seized the light, raisdd the litob,
and cautiously entered ► robed in his nigh
shroud. Be found-himself-in-the-middl
another room, when up jumped a lone hay
rota her bed, and gave a moat aeearthly
shriek! P. dropped the light and •skedad
dled back to his room, and jamped into bed,
covered up his head. _The, lady sprang
from her bed, and kept - soreeehing. Both
rang their bells. and up came a porter and
waiting maid. 'Whit is the matter?'. cried
the porter. P. said 'Therese a women in
my room somewhere!'
, 'What is , the matter?' asked the waiting
maid. 'Mere is a mak in my room, drive
him out' --The aide door being partly open,
the porter and waiting maid made for it and,
meeting, saw the . diffioulty. Porter' coMmea
ced making inquiries of 1 3 , when the latter
said: 'Never mind, I see the lady is a som
nambulist and hasten walking about in her
sleep.' Wet may be.' replied the porter,
'but how de debbil came dat ar lamp I left
you i 4 her room?' P. saw he was caught,
and said. 'See here, my African friend, yea
had better dig oat of this, I want to go to
sleep!'
how is THAT lOU Ilton.—A few days
since, a waggish gentleman WM, walking down
Broadway, when opposite Trinity - Chi:rob,
whose spire top is five hundred and sixty
feet from the ground, he met a German, and
the follewieg„dislogue ensued :
'Good morning, Schneider.' •
'We gachts don'
'Do you know what church that is e
'Yaw, dos is der Drinity Church.'
'Yon see the steeple and that little cross
to a a y up there ?'
'Yaw, I saw him.'
'Well, how is that fog high ?'
The German looked pleased, screohott his
head and said :
`Dot is goot ! _Der best 1 hear des. six
weeks, yaw, dot is very goot !'
The wag went his way, leaving the Ger.
man smiling, scratching his bead, and gazing
abstractly at the little cross so high in the
air. While thus standing, a smile over his
face, a friend came along, and he thought to
give him the same good thing, and have a•
uother laugh, and said,:
Fritz—bow you was, eh ?'
'Goof. How was it going to be mit your.
self 7'
.Goat all der vile. Do you knoW what
church am. dere ?' •
'Yew—dere am der Driisity; I know dere
astral more as a dozen years already.'
'You see dem steeples, nod der Wale oross
on der top af dens etheeples wa•a a•a y most
mit der glonds?'
'Yaw,l see der laud!' cross.'
*You see him l' Trell—.4 Oust ask you,
how Ugh is clot . ,
Then be laughed, and lauhed, while' the
other than replied :
41 don't know; bat what for youmake so
much laugh !'
'lt's tbesehoke—don you sei lini=the
schoke—ven I ask'yea hate hVs is NO!
'No, 1 don't see der echoic"?
'Well, dot is fenny. A.men.jnat tolti,dot
to me,,and I make laugh , all der vile. Vad
fon uo see ter eoliths ? dints you bean a
3rimming areand all night, hair you eitil lee
nothink
A ladyja Fond da Lee Blipped oa the ice
and broke.ber leg, sod the Bret remark she
made after the aoaidet►t wee: , 1 woadotiNt
Harry will marry me Dow. Ho* , a'hakiitet
terietie of a woman.
Joy flatters put us like a gay and liars- l non. ,
les& butterfly, but, uefortunetely,, oftm.lays - --,
eggs which reader del elating CatiqpSloll. ; ' A fat nit is worth $l2O in Rads. :
~,,......,,ri:i
, „ , , - • • --:::::...,.
..„,
OS O° 3Poz° "Seas,'
Dissatisfied.
A Mr.. tattle married in early nutnlipod•
a &Di DM lady twice his age. As years went
by his andient.eharmer grew 'wrinkled 'and
savage, and 31r. Ferris mourned the hour
be first went wooing. At last holost a pretty,.
jnlly little widow down town:- Both bound
the other their mutual affieliy. ,They loved,
fondly, extravagantly, incessantly. At lair ,
whider of the way things Were going, on
began to reach the aged tuatron's ears. Al.
though too old to love, her heart burned
fiercely with' the pangs or jealeney. She:
employed spies and detemives, and waletv•
ed herself. Ftnally. she burst in on thew
- MOW - -Td-TA.
orirtuet.. .ao arrest was
then the eousequettes. Arraigned before
the magistrate, the aged wife attemptd toes=
plain the diffiulty. 'But,' said the recorder;
'you intruded on theta. • 'Yes,' interposed
Mr. Ferris, 'burst with YAW screams our
Indiarolike yells into our presence. She's
crazy.' 'What,' screamed the virago, gdo yout
call we, your wife. eras . t?"There, now;' ex
claimed Mr. Ferris, with ea air of triureph.
I told you she was crazy. 'She thinks I am
her husband' Mrs. Ferris was too oonfouo•
ded to speak, 'Site's your 'anther, ain't she?'
'Certainly,' replied the bard hearted Ferris;
and before anything further could he said
the court distaised the ease.
PAiIDLE YOUR OWN CANOE.L-3114Re S.
gave his sop a thousand dollars, telling him
to go to college and graduate. The sue re
turned at the end et the Freshman year,
without a dollar and with several u ,, ly* hab-
e close of the vae3tion. the
its About t
judge said to him:
Well.
this yearr . ,
_.2.li_o_fatilter,_Lhave -no money.'
'But I gave you a thousand datlars to grad,
nate on'
4 it ' s
all gone, father.'
'Very well, toy sou; it wv all that could
give you; you can't stay here; you must
now pay your own way in the world.'
A new light broke in, upon the vision of
the astonished young man. He accommo
dated himself to the situation; left home, and
made his way to college, graduated at the
head of his class, studied law, became Clev•
erner of the State of New York, entered the
Cabinet of the President of the United States;
and • bas made .a record for himself' that will
• ' g_nooe other than that of
William H. Seward.—Hili's Journal.
A was •who was brought before King *
James I could eat, as it was said, a whole
sheep at a.meal
'What else, eso. he do,' asked the king,
'more than other wee e
'Nothing;' Was the reply.
4 11ang him, slim' said James; for it is a
shame a man ehou) d live who eats the share
of ten or fifteen men, and can do no more
than ODO.'
Capt. Travers, of Rochester, has made a
wager of 625 that he will at the distance , of
thirty-six feet, with a Oath!, shoot froze •
the top of a wine bottle a Bork on which is
placed a bullet, dropping the bullet, in the
bottle aed not breaking the bottle. He has
twelve shots, and engages to perform the feat
four times.
Au Enterprising girl of twenty, living near
Alton, 111, has oontratited with her father to
dig a well, at seventy•fivii cents a foot. It
is reported that she was, , feetAnder•
ground at MSC aactocnietle , .
three offers of marts I&flighted
young farmers had g. ik-that bale;:
since it was commented.
Creditor: •Row often must I cliarb'' three.
pair of stairrbefore I get the amount of bis
little monad' Debtor. 'Do you think I, aaa
goiog to rent a place on the first floor to aa•
oommodate my creditors?'
sweet to coact
Bat, eh ! how bitter
To court a gal
And then not' git her.
Ify,yoke is easy and my hurdon,is light,
is what a young man said the other night
when his 'darling' was sittingon his lap with
he/ arms about his rieok.
• -•••••• t'• 1 '
/
It turns oat that e wo u4,Yeho hasn't,
spoken to her husht t d for : twenty yeas,
, .
never bad one to ape to.
"4"-- —-- --
ter t,
ln opened let at the dead' Tatter- ,oflirce ,
read as plows. .Se years is rather long. '
host a gal; bit ile a yin yit, Kate-
Why is the earth like ,a sohool black•
board? Biomes° the children of mea mul
tiply upon the face of it.
A' saloon, at some places. is called grasnib'h.'
Rest; because .folks look sheepish when:.
.
thoy:come_out,
:______......—......—.....--..- ....„,
. 1 74 young lady iti.l3oston recently tried tn.`
do uplitor hair with a honeycomb; t`owtile,
iv look 'sweetly!
'.....—..
a._ , ,
QUe theussod five hundred and seventy
.finti registered letters were stelae last
• year. •
k!!au Indiana mother the • igite%-uhe
e:110.191elkY removing the, light. ,•
• •
Why is Iffe the
°suss everybody hole**
Of all beautiful Louie , ' # dieoPillitiv':ol, l
most beeutiliti js a- 'aroma. . ,••
, ccr
'Hurry, ozaroois: dela the little hew
with his cut fiogeri .burry, it's leaking. s
A hair 'em soars 'em inveation—The
NUMBER 33
EMI