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VOLUMIt
011 g
JUST THE THING
HICII ALL KIST IL*
......-0-.
,scarce.
is the'time to economize when IntinCli is
Illscaece. You should study your interest: l
supplying your wants at the first class store
IC. LIDAYDR. Northeast corner of the Diamond.
Be does business on the only successful method,
ra; by buying his goods for cash. The old fogy
idea of buying goods at high prices and on Ingo
credits is '
i t , 5 4 4 44
Call and,exitinine our fine stock and don't'be
RUINED
by paying 20 per cent too much for your amnia che
w here. We chalengo the community to whuw
forth a more complete stock of
HATS, all of the very latest styles and to suit all,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
BOOTS, all kinds and prices,
st A Y. BEAVER'S.
SHOES,, of every description for Men's, Ladies',
Misses' and Children's wear,
at C. N. DEAVER'S.
CLOCKS, everyone vvarrantt anti bold
by C, N. It EIA VER.
TICON KS', of all Biz-a. the very beet Inanufactme,
alto warranted and bol l
by C. N. !IA EVER
VA LISE§, pf every kind, also very cheap.
at
C. N. pr, A V f•;ii':•4.
HATS, for IsitliP9. and Ch.ldren, a fresh
supply roc:ewe() every week and sol+l
by
NoTioNB, a full line as followit. sold
by
C. N. BEA VE
('ER COIL 4 R.,. for Men rmd Dove wear,
the insls4 conv!ete ehd tiuest n,;Ko r tmv t a in tolkit,
b 1; U, BIikVER.
EMI=
C. N. DEAVER.
GLOVE'S, for Men and 13oys wear,
ac. C. N. BEAVER'S.
SII.sPENDE RS, for Men and Bees wear,
at C. N BEAVER'S.
CANES AND UMBRELLAS,a complete stink
at C. N. DEAVER'S.
131.00M8 AND 131a1t.-111.1s, of the very best
hind, at (%, N.
BACCO, to suit the ta..te of all,
at U.N. BEAVER'S.
CIGARS, which cannot I.e bent. for sale.
_by— E. N. BEAVER.'
— SNUFF, which we chalesige any one to excel in
qtititty, for 69.18
at. C. N. BEAVER'S.
INK and PArell, of every tles.tription,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
CANDIES, always fresh too, for sale.
at ' C. N. BEAVER'S
SPICES, for sale
C. N. 131: AVERS. 0
CRACKERS', of every kind,
at C. N. BEAVER'S
INDIGO BLUE,
C. N. BEAV E Wt.
60 ENTR kTED LY.G, for gate,
ttt ' . C: N. CAVER'II.
KEROSENE, of the my beet,—Pins
at C. N. BEAVER'S..
LAMP CIIININIES also,
C. N. 13EAVElt'
Anil many othet•ntiicies not noceseary to mention.
hot~ hope that you will give us a sham of your
patronage. We ore indeed. thanktul yon for neat
patronage, end hope a continuance of the same,
' and remain Tows truly.
GLAItEiNt;I: Di. BE 'olrElt,
liVaynce.boro * , June 2,187 Q.
D. a 3 OFI I T
Ma a complete ateortmout of
Ladies,
GenAiemengs,
misses'
BOOTS, SINES AND GAITERS.
Call and see goods and get prices.
TEIMISON'S
,‘.GLOVE FITTING COE
rs, at SNUB'S.
SCHOOL BOOKS
SCHOOL STATIONERY
of all kinds of SMITH'S 'TOM 801 l Store.
HATS AND CAPS ,
A full stock now ready, coasistiotr, of all the
latest styles, at
SMITH'S.
PAPER COLLARS,
Ties, Suspenders, Gloves, everything io that
line, at SMITH'S .
Town Usll Store.
nov 3.
Hardware ! Hardware !
THE undersigned' having just returned from the
JlL . Etrstern cities,ore;Trepored torah 4:utlery, Bud
-ding Hardware. ifite.,,at extraordinary low rate».
heimg-parchaseo for cash they ere enabled to
offer inducements - to fitbeneners, f'or rash.
&full Line of , Builders' 'and Blacksmiths' Goods
always On hand.'
Thee are also agents for the celebrated Lemnos
Edge Tool Work',
• ' /011 N HUBER di BONS: '
Nov. 11-1870." ' --
' , •
Children's
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN coon PENNS
a=sc:o3s3Nr.tc:,zk.mi.
IT NEVER PAYS.
It never pays to fret and growl•
When fortune seem our foe;
The better bred will push ahead
And strike the braver blow r
For luck is work,
And those who shirk
Should not lament their doom,
But yield the play,
And clear the way
That better men have room.
It never pays to wreck the health .
In drudging after gain,
And he is sold wherthinks that gold
Is cheapest bought with pain.
An humble lot,
A cosy cot,
Have f tempteil even kings;
- -F-nr-statioashi - gli
That wealth will but,
Not oft contentment brings.
It never pays! a blunt refrain
Well worthy of a song,
For age and youth must learn-the . truth i --
Tha t nothing pays that's wrong.
The good and pure
Alone are sure
To brirg prolonged etnxess,
While what is right
In Heaven's sight,.
b always sure to bless.
i BUBBLE.
How many sick ones
Wish they were healthy ;
Bow many beggar men
Wish they were wealthy ;
________How_many ugly ones
VVIW - t f;
How many etupid one's
Wier' they were witty;
How many . bach el s
'ish thee' married;
}low illi4lutudediets
Ntiskill'ePurd tarrtell;
nr
Lifes full 01 trouble;
RjOtes are stubble,
.P,tgasure's R lalblllo
A TRWHOIVIANCE OF THE
PLAINS.
The following remarkable narrative is .re
fated by a Westere lady. She is herself a
character. She has closed the plains twice
—first in 18-19, daring which her huqband
perished—and is.the first American rsh o re•
turned to the East by the Isthmus of Pana
ma She us a genuine heroine—a fine speci•
men of stout hearted Western womanhood—
and her adventure in the wilds of theunoo•
copied West have been ntk,nerous and cud.
tine.
Well, while the train, of Which this lady
war a passenger. VMS encamped at a point ou
the Humboldt, where the Lessen train inter
sects the Carson track of travel, slie'visited
the tent of a. family, consisting of an elder.
ly couple and one child; a daughter, of four
teen or fifteen. The old lady was sitting on
a pile of blankets under the canvass. *owner.
Being a moat determined attack of the 'sulks,'
while the inasenlitie head of affairs had plaut
ed himself en his wooden tongue, and was
sucking his pipe as leisurely as though he
expected to remain there forever. •
A. single glanee,developed the difficulty in
that little train t.f one wagon and three pet
soni, and that it had attained a point of qui•
et desperatieu beyond the reach of peaceful
adjustment Three days before they had
pitched their tent at the forks of the road
and-as they could not agree upon the route
by which to California, they had remained.
The husband expresyed a preference for the
Carson road—the wife for the Lessen—and
neither would yield. The Wire declared she
would remain all winter ; ;- the husband said
he should be pleased to lengthen the sojourn
through the Summer fallowing..
Oa the morning of the fourth day, the
wife broke a sullen silence of thirty-six hours,
by proposing a division of the party, which
consisted of two yoke of cattle, one wagon,
camp furniture, a small 'quantity of provi.
sions, and ttielve dollars in silver. , Tbe pro
posal was accepted, and forthwith the 'plun
der' was• divided, leaving the wagon to the
old man and the daughter to the mother.—
The latter exchanged with a neighboring
train the cattle 'beton:6olo her for a pony
and pack saddle, and piling the daughter and
her portion of the undivided spoils upon the
animal ; she resolutely started across the des
ert by the Lessen trail, while the old man si
lently iroked his cattle and took the other
route. Singular as this may seem, it is net-,
ertheleas true. his among the many occur
rences oilife stranger than fiction Of course
bath parties reached California in safety.
Artiviug at Sacramento with her daugh
ter,• the old-lady readily found etnPloyteeut
—for women were less plentiful than now—
and subsequently opened a buardin-g-house,
and in arfeir 'years amassed a handsome for
tune. Two years ago she went to San Fran.
eine, and the daughter, whose education had
not been neglected, etas married -to one
. of
the Most sU bm rant is I . chicane.
, And what bad become of the'old man Y-=
The wife had pot seen or heard of him since
they parted 'en-tthe Humboldt. They, had
lived happily together as man end wife for
manyyear - toad she sometimes reproached
-horeelf,*lbei„ willfulness • that separated
.496.31. X33.cl.caocaa clxsxit Zgoweirmveze.
them after - so long a pilgrimage t • ether
through this'rough life. But b. as not
dead Fortune had not smiled pon him;
and for years he had toiled witho
Finally, feeling scarcely able to pield the piek
and shovel, he visited San Franeisea, in the
hope of obtaining employment better adapt
ed to his wasted strength.
For three months be remained idle after
arriving there, and then, tor the want of oe•
cupation, became the humble retailer of pea•
nuts and oranges, with his chtire stock of
traffic in a basket upon his arm. This was
about six months ago A few weeks since,
on passing the open door of a cottage in the
Southern part of the city, ho observed a la
dy in the hall, and stopped to offer his mer
chandise.., As he stepped upon the thresh
bld, the • lady approached nod the old man
raised his eyes and dropped the basket, and
no wonder, either— fur she was his wife— ,
his gold woman She recognized him, and,'
throwing up her arms in atuazethent, ex
claimed :
'Great God, John ! is that you ?'
'All that is left of me,'_ replied the old
man.
With ey.tended arms they appronclied.—
Suddenly the old lady's couutenace changed
and she s'epped hack
'John,' she said, with a look which might
have been construed into earnestness, 'how
did you find the Carson. road I'
'Miserable, Suky, miserable,' replied the
old man; 'full of sand. and alkali'
'Then I was right, John,' she -continued
inquiringly.
'You were, Suky.'
'That's enough,' said she throwing her
arms around the old man's neck ; 'that's
eunugh, dohs,' and the old couple, Eltrangely
sundered, were once wore united. Both are
nowliving with their daughter on Second
street.
_ _
About the Blood.
If we take a glass of_water it beginsio_en
ter the blood within one minute alter it is
swallowed and soon it is all there. If we
take a cap of tea all the sefuble parts of it
are in the blood in a very short time usually
alio of w - eer
is on the same rout of travel , with the tea,
and very impure blood it tuak.Ps at tinies.—
To be sore, all hands go to work to get rid
of i:; the little Capillaries of the skin go to
emptying - the liquids tlvra' the skin as fast .e
they can, and if the weather is warm, tb y
get along pretty rapidly at their work._ T le
liatifisT - trirow it out in our breath, in t:
shade of vapor, and the kidneys work awa
as lively as they can. •
Then our food, when it is prepared by di.
gerntioa, goes so far as it is soluble into the
same •ourreot of tbe blood. If we eat suita
ble, nutritious fund, the yroducts of it are all
wanted , to supply the waste to the tissues,
and the material ie carried along fo the points
where is it wanted, and is then used.—
Further, when Vine smallest part-oki--musele,
eik,a nerve or of any part of the body is worn
out, it must be removed, and it ie taken in
very small pieces and flouted off ie this same
stream of blood to be, still further changed,
and if of use it is used; otherwise it finds its
way out of the body. .
to we can nee how - the blond is contioual•
ly changing, growing pure nod growing im
pure Not impure, because F.otue villainous
etream of dal!, ppison maintains its stay there
Ilsating around to '33 what mischief it may.
but impure l.mcanoe we have introduced the
the iropurit,es at it through our •stomach or
lungs ; impure, perhaps, became we have
tihed qwitia the conteots'of some villainous
bo , tle of New ebody,s dye muff, which he
claims will purity the blood.
INETMIETY —W lien this vice has taken
fast hoid of a man—farevvell industry, fare.
well emulation—larewell to things worthy of
aticntiou—farewell lovc of virtuous society—
farewell decency of person. Everything is
sunk by this prsdominant pod brutal appe.
the. In how many instances do we see wen
.who have begun lite with the brightest pros.
pects before them, and who have closed it
without any ray of couilort or consolation.—
Young men with good fortunes,"goed talents,
good tempers, good hearts and good consti
tutions, only by being drawn into the vortex
of the drunkard have hecoisie by degrees the
most loathsome and despicable of mankind.
In the house of the drunkard there is no
happiness' for say one. All is uncertainty
and anxiety• lie is not the same .man for
any one day at i a time. No one knows of
bit out-going or his in coming. When he
Will rise, or when ho will lie down to rest, is
wholly a matter of chande. That which he
swallows for want ho calls pleasure brings
.pain as surely as night britaw morning. Pov
erty and misery are in the train. To avoid
these results we are called upon 'to make no
sacrifice; abstinence requires uo aid to ac
complish it: Our own. will is all chatis re.
Anisite'; atad if .we have not the will to avoid
contonapt;disgraen and misery, we deserve
neither relief nor-compassion.
A TOUCHING, INCIDENT.--A poor little
newsboy while attempting to lump; from a
city car, the other afternoon, fell nO,der the
car, end was fearfully mangled. As 'Sprits
the child .coule, speak, he called pitetrali
for-his mother, and •a messenger was Vat
ai once to bring her to him.:
sW hew the bereaved mother eiirrivea,"she
hung over the dying buy in an agony of
grief. [-V .
'Mother,!whispered he, with- a • painful
effort, .1. s old :four newspapars,—.aud the'
money is iomy„pocket.'
With the hand ordeath upon .bie hrow,
thelest. titck9g.Wwl,4the suffering child was
lot the poor litiilei;irtirkiag mother, whose
burdena he Aiiiirirtriviig to lighten when
be lost his •
. „ ,
Poverty. and pride tire incoonenient corn.
paniciiis; but when idleness dukes with them,
this tort of wretchedness is:attained.
','"k 1 1111R
HOW He Fee •-•
A. gentlemen who remembers 'of visiting
a State prison ' With his father, when a boy,
writes to the Central Advocate, the ~followi
ng sad story of one of the inmates, who told
it for his benefit : . ,
One old oath particularly attracted our at' ,
tontion. Ile aeanied to wish to talk to mit.
father so we sat down.
'1 see you have your little boy with yotti
said he 'and I would like to tell you some
thing of my story, for my downward course
commenced when I was not older than be.—
I had a good mother, but she died when I
was very young, and although I remember ,
ed some t,f , her teachings, I did net,havo het
bend to guide me when I. we,tit,W• . ... Aloe'
day I was playing marbles !ii thelitiT "1 - ..
some of tny playmates' when one'' , '.• , li c ,
saia..4 . (-,.., -,,,'
, ,
..,: ,
its play fofk,eops,' Bo we, began -fit.)
' ray
it was imblong.befere I had , lost,
#
it ,tify beautiful' - utit'Ohlee. • • . .
' 4 l was very aogry,,aud got up and swore"
that I would have elk marbles back again.
It was rity first oath,' and there commenced
my. downfall. ,I had often heard my play,
mites swear; but my mother had taught me
how very wicked it was, and her memory had
kept my mouth clean, I bad no sooner said
the words than I felt ashamed :'but one of
t
the boys exclaimed,— , -
'Bully for you Tom; I didn't think you
bad pluck enough to talk like, a man !'
'Bo for fear-they-would-think-I, was ;not
manly, I smothered my'. good feelings, and
before a great while 1 tepeated•dbe Horde.adding a little more, just to.i.oirof theta I
was eot afraid to talk as the.rest did. •-. .
.
'O, if I had only had.'sa p4ing , father to
pray Olter merthat night,, and ask Go& to
keep his son frottigoing astray, I would not
have been tvhare 1 nit to-day. .
'After - the- firs t - it is-so- easy- to 7 add—a
little more. by learnin g to swear niore bold.
ly I was thrown into company of boys who
were Still more -winked; and it was not long
before I found myself planning, with others,
to rob orchards and hen• roosts.
'Prom this I went on until by the time I.
was a man I wan read to undertake_alato& -
any sinful deed if strong induoements were
held out. But I will not weary you with
sli my story, it is a long and wicked: ono.--
What .l want to impress-on -this. little boy's
mind is, never begin to do wrong:
We went away and left the old man, but
his story will never be forgotten,
PEN-Dnors.—Man—A bubble on the •
can's rolling wave.
- i e--A gleam of life extinguishe , iy the,
grove.
Fame—A meteor dazzling with ite distant
glare.
___
Wealth--A source of trouble and COLIBU
log wire
Pleasure—A gleam of , sunshine passing
soon away.
Love—A morning gleam whoso memory
gilds the day.
Faith—Au anchor dropped belond the
vale of death.
[lope—A lona gar beaming o'er the bar
in heath.
Charity—A, stream ■oeaeaeriog from the
fount of love.
Bible--A guide to realms of eadleffej'9y:
above.
Religion—A key which opens wide the
gates of ileaven.
Death—A knife by which the ties of mirth
are risen.
Earth—A desert through viltieh pilgrims
weud their way.
Grave—A host of rest where ends life's
NrCtiTy day.
Resurrection—A sudden waking from a
quiet dream
. (leaven--A land d joy, of light and love
an puma.
A. SHARP TRlCEl.—Poseality seeks out
many Inventioes. The last trick is the most
novel of all, and Occurred in' a New York
jewelry store. A well-dressed man asked to
see diamonds and other rich jewelry; . every
now and then dining his deliberate lamina
tion stepping to the doer stud crying out
'Naos' to an'imaginary hiiise standing in an
imaginary buggy. Alter Winking, his selec
tions of a diamond ring arnNt set of jewelry,
costing $225, he out with a Turkey morroe
co wallet4nppearently well filled with groan
backs, and laying it on the counter, put the
selected valuables in his pocket. Then turn
ing to draw out the bills, suddenly heard
his restive horse, and leaving his pocket
book, stepped out of the door, crying 'whoa,
whoa! Not coming back, the cterl looked
in the wallet and found its stuffing not green
backs. The than, at last account, had sot
overtaken' his holes.
BRIGIIAM YOUNO.—A. correspondent says
be has seen in Salt Lake City. in the the
atre, 29 of Brigham's wives'and 156 females
whos - werc .eitker his wives, daughters, or
grand-daughters. .91ost of the young far
mers had only two, many only. one wife. Be
has kociwn, he days, full brothers and sisters
forced to marry by Brigham Young. -lie
had seen it stated in some,of the papers that
Young might soon die. lie looked good for
50 years longer; and the writer believed into
be from 'his strict iemparanee .since early
youth: Brigham Young's wives, were com
pelled to do manual labor 'to keep the devil
out of their beads,' language of Brig
ham.
"Early to bed, and 'early to rise.
Wi'l make a man healthy, arid wealthy, and arise."
Like . some other sayings attributed to
Franklin, it contains neither poetry nor sense.
Early rising; and traveliOg "abont il2 the dew.
,before the sun has dissipated 'lbw mobster°,
has cost more lives than lyirig in bed latet:--
TheAtise and the healthy man, is he. - it bo
take% heed to nature's laws, and works di11 . ..
gently white be may.
iSiVIANUARY 26, 1S71:
i ti rg, e Pollarst:
My g ihultsitter Of my wife's father
is oe oft4e richest things on record. I'll
'tel ou hO . l it was. You gust, know .he
was mooftlions stingy. The complaint seems
-torn, in the family. arld.ewt body round
our parts used to outlet! 0104 e !sever by
any chance asked anybody`te!diti with him.
So one day just fUr a chtiok" of ton, fsaid to
a friend of mine 4dricly— , l'll bet you a pen
ny worth of shoe strings against: 1 row of pins
that I get old BeenVerkins i lliat ! 'il , ray wife's
flithor, to ask me to dinner.'
fr;tiou get out' said Jeddy;. 4 vrby — yeou
might al well try to coax a eat ioto tishowett.
bath, or get moonbeams out of eubumbere:.:
'ell,' said I, 'l'm going to try,'
.And try I did, aid l'll tell yeou how
9t to work.
"Jilt as old Ben was sitting down to -dip! ,
ner, at 1 o'clock I rushed up , to the hot:
:house, at a high-pressure pave, red in the
thee, with my coat-tails in the air, my eyes
aboutlike billardbills in convulsions.'
'llol,ttl,t t tat ding-a Hag a ling. kicked n . p:
ao awful rumpus, and in a flash out oasis.,
ole Ben'himself. I bad struck
~ the right
minit. He had a napkin under. 2 Athia,mid
carving-knife in his hand. : , '' elf the dia l ,:
ner as he opened the door. .
'Oh, Mr. lierkips,' said I, 'Pm tarnatrott
glad to see you. I feared you nrough's be
at home.;—l'm almost out of breath. i'm,
come to 'tell you how yon can save a thous- .
and dollars.'
'A. thousand dollars,' roared the old mao;
and I defy a weasel to go 'pop' quicker then
his face burst into smiles. 'A thousand dol
lora! Yeou don't say so. Du tell.
'Ohl' said I, J. see you are jist having din
ner .neon, Lli go and dine myself and then
come bank and tell you all about
'Nonsense,' said be; don't go 'away: come
in i and sitdovra, and enjoy_yoursell,:likii_a
good fellow, and have a snack with "DO. I
am noxious to bear what yotibave to say.'
pretended to decline, stogie.' I'd thorough.
ly stirred sip the old ehap:a cariosity, and it
ended by his fairly pnllin' tee into the house
hid I made a rattlin' dinner of-pork and
managed for sofne time to dodge the
main point of his inquiry. At last I finish
ad eating and thete was no further muse
for dela besides, old Ban was getting tg•
ety.
' ,me, floors,' said he, 'no more preface. 11
r'ent that thousand dollars come, let it out.'
Well, I'll tell you what,' maid I, yoou
havo a darter, Misery Ann, to dispose of in
tuarrage have you not.'
'What's that got to do. with it ioterrupt•
ed be.
'Hold your proud steeds—don't rua off
the track —= a great deal to do with,' it, said
I, 'Neow, answer my question.'
'Well,' said he, ham'
'And you intend, when she martiiis to
givo her $lO,OOO for a portion ?'
'I do,' he said.
'Well, neow, there's the pint I'm coming
tew. Let me have her, and I'll take her
with s9,ooo,and $9,000 from $lO,OOO aecord•
ing to biovle addition, jilt leaves $l,OOO,
and that will be clean profit—savieg, as slick
as a whistler
The next thing I knew there was a rapid
interview going on between old Ben's foot
and toy coat tails— and I'm inclined to think
the latter got the worst of it.
REASON FOS DANOINO.—A party of la
dies mid gentlemen (who elsewhere pass for
intelligent beings), assembled at .a ball room.
Soon they array themselves in apposing lines.
Presently a young lady jumps up on the floor,
shakes one foot and comes down again. • A
gain she springs up and the other toot quiv
ers. Then abet turns around in her plan.,
springs up and shakes both her feet. Her
intelligent partner opposite performs the'satne
operations. Then both rush forward, and
seize each other's hand and jump up again,
then shake their feet and stile(' till. The
next lady and gentleman very rationally and
soberly follow the example just set them by
jumping, shaking their legs and turning, and
so en to the end; all for no other reason that
1.• can perceive, than because a man sits' in
the corner, drawing a borse-hair across a eat.
gut.
A surgeon bad occasion, lately, .to pre.
scribe a couple of pills for an Irishman, which
were seat home in a small hos, bearing 'tire
directions: 'The whole to be tali:ea-Chrome.
diately. On,visiting his patienciiterward,
the doctor expressed his surprise:or' learn
ing that'the desired effect had hid been pre ,
duced, and arcked. Pat's better half if shit hat
Bally given him the medicine:' ' Faiili, that
I did, set," she replied: 'bat maybe, yet-hon
or, the lid hasn't come off yet!' ,The • poor,
sick man was made to swallow not only the
pills , but the boa as
A PEACEFUL HOME ....That house is no
boater which holds a grumbling father, a
scoldieg miller ' lazy
daughter,
dissipated son, "a y
daughter, and a
bad tempered child. Ittmay
be built of marble, surrounded by garden,.
park, and 'fountains; carpets of extravagant
costliness may spread WI floors; pictures of .
rarest merit may adore its walls; its
maPy abound with dainties the most lased
out; its every ordering may be complete, but"
yet it will not be a home. To make Lt emit
there must be a change of inmates.
illausymbere were yon born?' 'Oa der
Halderbarmek,"What, always?' 'Yak, and
before too.' flow old are you then?"Vi,
.vhen the old school house isle built I Was
two wapiti' more nor a year, what it& paittte
red, as you go before mit your , peek , bobitbd
you, en der right side der blaokshmit -shop,
what stands where is was' burnt doWo out'
year will be two weeks' ' -
ady ilottent i nto gay acct .,
harm
I loss !pintail!, b otittinatolg efteb.l4).-
Lggs which -cogs 'strips' aaterpittata;
SO6OO 'err atm,
. Sold
A correspondent sends the followittg• to
the Miffliaburg Telegraph:
'A country girl, apparently about 15years
of'age and a stranger, recently entered a dry
goods store at Three Rivers, Michigan, and
inquired for pink ribbon, upon which the
Merchant handed down a box of 'Colored rib•
bons, winch she was eshmioing when be
held up a i roll of deep red inquired:
'Boa , will this do?'
'She aoswerd, 'You dont call that pink,'
'do you?'
'Well, no, 1 don't eaaelly cell it pink; Ind
you•cau take it and just 'nitwit. it is pink
.and every time you wear it think it is pink
tied alter a While it will be pink and all will
;be Tight.'
,OWell,! , says the girl, 'You may oat off six
wbiono the merchant did and banded•
to his fair pnotomer, who took -the parcel
turnehl,.qi depart, when the mart mar
'ohitavealled out:
`Ettop,t2diss,: you forgot to pay for the rib-
Jmn:'
She pinipptly,turned and replied, 'Oh, no,
inotAt Yon just MINK it is paid and
leferyllhle4att likok upon your ledger - just
lthielz Wila•paid and ail will be right.'
,PPetAtPg -the , door she passed out, and
itlfe t tieirilpred and dumbfounded merohint
bad been made near
Eiye teeth, and all the olerki shout.
I Phtileiff, the widow Maloney tells me tbat
- you.stole one of her Guest pigs. Is that nor.
reet?'
'Yis, your bettor!. •
'What have lett done with it?'
'Killed it and ate ir, yet. honor.'
'Oh, Patriok ! Patrick! when you Ire
brought facie to face with the widow and her
pig on the 'udgemeet da • , what account
will you be able to give of your self when
the widow accuses you of stealing?'
'llid you say the peg would be there, yozzo
riverence?'
•
'To be sure I (lid :'
'Well, then, your riverenee, I'll say Mrs.
--Malonerth-cfrare-ye-r-p-er
COMPLIMENTOY.-7-AD editor down east
thug apes to of a autemporary :
.He tuo lazy to earn a meal and too
mean to enjoy one. He was never generous
bat once, and that was whoa he gave the
itch to his apprentice. So much' for bte
goodness of heart. 01 Lis industry, the
pupil may - the better judge when we state
that the only day be over worked was the
day be mistook castor oil for honey.
One of ,tbe editors of the Lewisburg Chron•
icle, soon alter he went 'to the printing, balds
Hess, and became entitled to the usual flood•
iah appellation- (Printer's - Devil) assigned
to the yonogest apprentice; went to see a
preacher's daughter. The next time be went
to meeting he Was considerably astonished
at bearing the minister announce his text,
'Aly daughter is grievously tormented with
a devil'
Chriatisnity. requires us to do good to
men to make them happy, to conceal their
faults, to publish their excellencies, to re•
juice is their prosperity and sympathise in
their troubles, and, in all things, to treat
them as we should in like circumstances,
desire ourselvs to be treated.
"I can tell you how to save that horse,"
said a coachman to a MEI who was lorking
very earnestly at the skeleton of a horse
attached to a vehicle heavily laden with
oysters. '•Will you ? Say oo." ".Why, just
slip him away while the crows are at roost.'
'liana, when I pay you cash, you °barge
more than when it goes on the t.ook:
41i a'as, dat ish richt, You zee, rave ea
much sehargo on my book, on 1 z•>ntedimes
lose um, no zo, van l'ays a goot cash custo
mer, I echarge zo much, zo if he never pay
um,l. no loose so mush'
A down east paper' says that persuasive
and hurnbuggiog agents are in that region
selling lightning rods. One old lady told en
n i,
agent that she had no fear of li htning, list
she had always been afraid //thunder.—
`Just so, he replied, .we can- '
,t our case
exactly. The nitre rods are lightning rods,
and the round ones thunder rods'
TELL THE TRUTH —Tell the exact truth.
If your goods won't wash, say so. .If your
'horse is unsound, say so. if you cannot 'fin
ish them boots by next Saturday say
so. Tell the truth. Try it, 'Twill be good
for you.. it is the direct road to prosperity.
Two Irishmen were traveling, when they
stopped to examine a gaide•board. 'Twelve
miles to Portland,' said one. •'jest siz mike
a piece,' said the other. Aud they trudged
along apparently satisfied at the small • ctia.
lance.
he other d
'My halm-anda
she wagons my si)
explain that ?,
t' boy lied.
The• town of ' bay, .L' , ..la twenty,.
Me., with a popa tioa of t tee thousand
has pot an ltiehm a se.: a, it a Joh&
Zforfollt mambas jo y • ted sa flying nualj
otsitia ' and generonsliT to les any body
trritfroict the antics s- s pots. -
Cortilo says you a good nisup,„ , -
-andl - sbon you may a ours 5 , inane ,tus-.3.
at Oaten in -tb vrotld.
Helidle *Si = fad men earafUl
z hen. i rr e i'="4o -
eieltpat'
;4.1
IN EDI BER
said to a gentleman,
er 'bad a daughter, but
Now, how, .de you).
t s. simple enougb—
it pkyis
q",,11
•