3E33r V. Blair.
VOLUMI XXHI.
JUST THE THING
Mil ALL MUST MEI I
-0-
'VOW is the time to economize when money is
IA scarce, You should study your interest by
supplying your wlitts at tLe first cl vas store of U.
N. BEAVER. North-east corner of the Diamond.
Ha does business on the. only succt shful method,
viz: by beyine his goods for casn. The till logy
idea of buying goods at high prices and on long
credits is
EXPLO
Call end examine our fine stock and ilot,'t be
RUINED
by 'plyine• 20 per cent. too much for your goods( hr.
where, We ‘Ol , chati. , llo 'he communtiy to Flaw,
forth a more comph.te stock of
HATS, all of the very latest steles 91111 to suit all,
at C. N. BE ‘VEICS.
BOOTS, all kir.da and priers,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
8111)ES, of every description for Altar's, Ladles',
and Children's wear,
- at - BEA V E.:10.5. 1 .
CLOCKS, every one warrant. d sno gold
by C. N. BEA VEIL
Tic UN KS.of all siz• ~ s. the very best man olattare,
also %sorrowed and ;di
by ' C. N. BAEVEIZ.
y.‘l I.SES, of ever/ kind, oleo, v. ry
at C. ,N_ Is %__V
ILVE , S.—far s a1..1 Col:drcli a fresh
Cuppiy rect...V.:d every week and
by • ('. N. BEAVER.
I'IONS, a lull ;me as Crlhr•.ti.,.:o,l
by • C.N. BI A VIT.
P NPI:I2 COLLAR'S. for Men sod 11,ys Hear,
ttle moat complete and fillest assortment rte town,
by C N. BEAVER.
florslE,R V . , of every kind, for sale,
by • , C. N. BEAVER.
GLOVES, for Men and Boys wear,
C. N. I.IEIVERS.
SU -iPEN DE RS, for Men and Boi.s wr,
at N BE A V ER'S.
CAN CS AND UM ISBELL a cum' 1 •tectock
at U. N, BE AV Ett
BROOMS 4N 1) BRUSH Lzs, 01 the vi•ry best
k.h14,. at U. N. BAEV ER'S.
BACCO, to stilt the taste of
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
CIGARS, which cannot 1•e beat, fru sale.
by C. N. BEAVER.
SNUFF, width we chalenge any one to Lied in
qua ity, for mai°
at' ° C. N. BEAVER'S.
INN and PAPER, of every description,
at C. N. BEA VER'S.
CANDIES, always fresh ton, for sale,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
SPICES, for sale
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
CRACKERS, of every kind,
at • C. N. BEAVER'S
INDIGO BLUE,
at C. N BEAVER'S.
CON cENTR ITED LIE, foisaie,
at N, BEAVER';.
EEROSENE, of the very t ea,—Pitt,
at C N. BEAVER'S.
LAMP CIIIVINIES als),
at C N BEAVER'S.
And many other articles not necessary to mention.
"AVe,now hope that you Win give us a share at' your
patronage. We are indeed, thanktul t ) you Lr past
patronage, and hope a cont.iiti ince of the sante,
and ft 1/1 till 1 Ot1"5 truly,
UI.A it ENGE N. BEAVER.
Waynesboro', June 2, 1870.
The World Renowned.
MEDICINE
Is
Drs. D.:ra,hrney 8 Sores
CELLBRATED
PR,EPA - RATION
CLEANSING THE BLOOD,
WILL CURE
scirwurA, CUTANEOUS PISE ASES, ERY
NI PO 1. As, 11011,5, so RE EVES, se,ALjj
DE NI), P 1 14 PLES, and 81. TC II ES ON
THE FACE, 'PET I ER AFFECTIONS,
oil nn I zi FUR RO RN Ul,oElts, RHEU
MATIC AFFECTI INS, DYsPEN
SI N, COSTIVENESS,
SICK - EADA OH E, - SALT
RH EU %LI ‘UNDICE, GEN ERA', DE
.1:11.1 TV, C 1111.1.5 AND rEvrm, FOIJ r.
STOMACH, TOGETH Pll wan ALL OTII.
ER DISEASES A ItIsING FRoM IMPURE
DLOOD' AND DISORDERED
TRY ONE BOTTLE OR PANCKAGE
And he conviaced that tl,is ism' humbug
Bold by all Druggists b „ .
Drq. U. Fitlitney & Son's Preparation for Cleans
ing .the 11100.1 is 1.:1)1JS I'ERI? r Li. The gen
uine has the nirn.o.l). EV & St on
the front of the outside wr iimer of each bottle, and
the name al lira DI r shun y & bon's Pr.:potation
far (*teaming the Blood, Boonsborn, Md., blown in
CIA bottle. All others are CO R FIAT. Rec
ollect that it is Drs. 1). rahrney & .t%011'13 Celebrated
Preparation fur Cleansing the Blood that is RU uni
vet...ally used, end so highly recuutinended ; at.d do
not allow the DruggiAt to induce you to take any
thing else that they may say i 3 just the same or as
fiord, because the) mike it la,gc moat on it.
PBX, PARED By
D. .FA 11 UNEI' & SON,
Bootisliotio, Ml).,
Lad Dr. P. D. Fahrney, liedysyill,e, )14
Be sure to get the geOuitie. , Ntll3. , geniiino ut.-
love signed . D. FA.Hw a 4,.. pbiC.
'f!io'd by Dr J. D. Asinguios,'Wiyue-boio' ; 1)r.
J. liumErbu.oes, b: B W INti Cl, 40:11,,i , ,:it,1P , ..1:1 - IClt
*siva. v, z4b uly Croce.
I t:ui 4o- 011041- ' e• .
:...4:".
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 24, (€7O.
xocomrriclaxii.
THE WIND OF NIGHT.
Ey W. L. FEICIFIKAKEII.
The wind of tight, is a lonely sprite,
Ard he roams o'er land and• sea;
He's a mournful elf, and he sings to himself,
And a weird, sad song rings he :
Oh, the lonely wind of night !
Me thinks he singe to tho ghostly things
That cr3wd night's gloomy hall,
Vi'hen,the ears glare down, or the dark clouds
frown.
And the rain it drearly falls:
Oh, the lonely wind of night !
lle rings of the Past that flew so fast, .
Of joys that have gone for aye,
And of those that lie neath the hollow sky,
Defp, deep in the graveyard clay :
Oh, the lonely wind of night!
The Summer is (lead, and a blight is shed,
Ovt r her leaves and flowers,
Ar:d the wind of night bemoans their plight,
In a dirge fur the vanished hours :
Oh, the lout ly wind of night!
As end hear thnt requiem drear
For t I.e shit gs diet OTC no more,
To the eat of thought is the Ill,11:-AN int] fraught
With a cad, mysterious lure:
Oh, the lonely wind of night!
Ard I dream of the time when his doleful
- ---rhyme
Will sound o'er tom'', where f
31uFt-s,umber-derp-white-he-will-sleep, .
As now mtlY by
Oh, the lonely wind of night !
For I still will have in the lowly grave,
'aweigh forgt,titn by all mai kind,
A 111011rrar antljfriend till lime bhall end,
In the lonely, homeless IA hid :
Oh, the lon, ly wind of night !
Be Hind to the Friends of To-Day.
When the run of lifi's murning is rising,
And its first beams illutne thy way,
Du not pine, all its glory depi'aing,
But be kind to the friends of to-.!ay.
Do not turn to . thedrenr woodland pathway,
Where shadows lie stirless and gray ;
Let thy feet tread the sen-ligliteil — meadow,
And be kind to the f lends of to-nay,
When the good angel hovers bud le you,
Do not turn lrem her coldly away ;
And tho' yesterday's friends have denied you,
Oh, be kind to the fie: ads of to-Jay.
May your smile drive away every eorrow,
Nor let one Lright (beret decay ; -
Do not cheritth the friends of to-morrow,
But be kind to the friends of totday. ,
Tho' the hearts .yeu have trusted prom hollow,
And return but the Winter's 'old breath,
tt , trive that purest affection may follow,
When you cross the dark valley of death.
When the gbod angl 1 hovers beside you,
Du not turn from her ccldly away,
And tho' ye,:terday's friends have denied you,
Oh, be kind to the friends of today.
MIS 030:EJI_Na2i,,...10T1Z".
MARRYING A FORTUNE.
'Yes, I'll do it, Ralph, even if she is a
scraggy, worthless, hair lees. dried up, ye I )w ,
vinegar faced old maid. I'll marry her ;or i
rather her fortune !' and so saying he leane'd
himself back in his chair, and commenced
pufftog away as coolly at his cigar as though
marrying was the most cammouplace ) unin•
teresting affair ever dreamed of.
'Eou speak quite—confiden tly,_tnyyoung_
man,' returned his companion, 'perhaps the
lady in question won't have you. Don't be
too conceited, if you have been called irre
sistible,'
`Fiddlesticks ! r guess - my uncle's fortune
was the most irresistible part in the New
York belles, and I am certain now that my
'great expeetations' have passed away, there
isn't two of them ever remembered associa•
ting with me. I tell you, Ralph, love is all
moonshine I, a mere creature of the fancy—
for I have never seen a pretty girl yet that
could set my heart a palpitating. Money is
what a poor briefiess lawyer wants, not love;
it's a great deal more substantial too.'
'Don't doubt it; but L wouldn't be joined
to as old vixen for any consideration,' re•
spondod Ralph, 'and in my opinion, Bart,
you're a fool if you heave yourself away
There now that advice is free gratis—no fee
asked—only do tell me the whole story.'
can do that in a few words. About a
week ago I saved a fine•loukiag but guilty old
gtintletnan from being upset out of his earri
age no Broadway. De was prafuse in his
thanks, learned my name, said he knew me
by reputation, told me he was wealthy, with
but one child, a daughter, and if I would
come down to Sea View, where be intended
to pass a few weeks, ho would make a match
between me bed her I modestly suggested
that the lady in question might object, but
he insisted she could not ; she was devoted
to him and heart•whole. There it is verbatim.
1 then made inquiries of a friend what kind
of a girl Mr Lufouru's daughter wt's, and
they told we she was a scraggy old roaid,'l
have her in my mind's eye, but its no draw.
back. I' II marry for money, and let her at'.
terwards toke to her cats, just the same as
she does now. That's all. lam too lazy to
work.' And he relapsed into a -profound Ass
hence, wondering secretly at what time on the
morrow Mr. Lafourn and daughter would
iirrive!
.ALXL X3aC3.013E333 C2.021 . .t V 1 E4,333.11:y .A.N.TerlA7Ell3Eirfe,or.
'There, pa - , you dear old goose, listen to the
description of your Ne 1, .exclaimed pretty
little Nellie'lafourn arranging the curtains
so that the old gentleman could overhear the
conversation on the piazza between the two
young gentlemen just mentioned,. .
'Coo fiund his impadenoe,' growled the old
man, in a rage, bringing his, cane down lus
tily ; 'l'd like to see him, get my darling, the
heartless wretch, and my money, even if he
has got mixed up with your aunt Lucille.!
'Slightly mixed up, isn't it pa ? But at.
ter all, how much the.picture is like her;'
and she burst into a merry laugh that caused
a dozen dimples to play hide and seek around
her cheeks.und lips.
'He may be blessed ! send for him
this moment, and cane hitaiL
almost shouted the irate old gentleman.
'No, indeed you woo'r, pa! you let me man•
ago him, won't you, pa ? Let him come—
let him imagine Lucille is your daughter and
heiress, and I your niece, with no expects.
Eons. We'll see how he will carry 'dwell'
On the next clay Mr. Albertfne Gower
waited upon Mr. Lifourn, and was formally
introduced to Miss Lucille ',album. lie in.
'tired of ttleT - 61 health very affaTion-
atlly,_and soon became quite—engrossed, ap
parently. in the conversation that was started,
but secretly he was eyeing his intended bride,
and he confessed to iduiself that the enthu
silo tie descriptions. he had given his friend
Ralph did not belie her, or scarcely do her
justice. Just then-athe door opened, and a
very graceful young lady, with a great abund
ance of golden curls, and very large eyes,
walked in, .
'Ny—my niece, Mr. blower; Mr. Gower,
Miss Lee.' obseried Mr. Lafourn, and Miss
Lee acknowledged it with a slight but nev
ertheless a giacetul how.
Mr. Gower was enraptured, and the eon
tract only made his bride expeptfmt more
ridiculous.; however he determined to act his
part, and, as. a chance pteseutc.iitself, he
w itspeol — in modulated tones to 1% - li , s .11711 - e
that 'he hoped to . become better acquainted
with her,' thouvh he hated - him , e't for it iu
three minutes after, when he saw Miss Lee's
mischieiloviva eyes resting upon him, and
realized that she had heard him too.
Day after day_h_e_called T irml t.goperrtionally
he fell in love with the laughing Nell, and
fell out With Miss Lucille, while she became,
in appearance, desperately enamored of him,
and wrote - gni pietry by the sheet, eniress
ing her 'everlasting, aifvction,' which he as•
cured his friend Ralph she meant to mean the
oldness of her love, for be was sure she was
invented in Noah's ark.
In vain he triesi_to_make love-to-Nell—She
accepted no attention from •her cousin's lov.
er,' so she mockingly assured him, and left
him more despairing than_before
A-t—laArite — eould-not endure it any longer,
and acce,rdiogly sought an interview with
Mr. Lifourn.
'So you come to propose for my daughter,
Mr. Gower?' queried the old gentleman, when
he was ushered in.
'No, sir, I have not,' he emphatically re•
turned. have come to make a confession,
to ask your forgiveness, and crave a boon
You know how you came to make me the
offer which you did ? Well, having been
brought up to believe myself independent of
the world, and to study a profession more for
pleasure than aught else, after fidding myself
suddenly bereft of all hopes, and poor, I
gladly accepted of your proposal. I scorned
the idea of love. I vowed I loved my ease_
better than any woman on earth, and though
I was informed your daughter was- was—'
gA scraggy old maid,' slyly interposed Mr.
Lafourn. .13 , ,rt blushed at his own remark,
but proceeded— •
determined, provided that she would
accept me, to marry her for your money.—
There, sir, is the truth, and I know I °enact
hut be lowered in your estimation. Since I
have met your niece, and I've—l've—'
'Fallen in love with her,' observed the
father, siding him along.
'Yes, sir, exactly so, and I am willing, if
she will have me, to give up all ideas of
-weals h-obtained-by-such-m ea o-prac ad
go way and work bravely forher. Do you
think there is any hope ? Will you forgive
me ?'
'Certainly,' he responded, '1 should not
want my daughter wedded to any man from
such mercenary motives. I'll call Nell and
see what she says.' And suiting the action
to the word, he summoned Nellie.
'This gentleman has withdrawn his cl a ims
to your cousin's band,' be observed, taking
Nellie by the hand, 'sod actually bas the au.
daci'y to ask for yours. W. at shall I tell
him ?'
'And I am poor, Nellie,' ejaculated Bart,
'but you shall see I am no conceited jack•
anapes. I will go away and commence the
practice of my profession if you will only
give me hope.'
Nellie looked at heffather tbro' her blushes.
'But I would be a penniless bride—'
)'And all the dearer! it' you are not worth
working for you are not worth having.'
'lf, then,' she returned slyly, 'you wait a
year and do not change your mind, if uncle
is willing —'
'Will he will be,' interrupted the gen—
tleman.
The ruse was still kept up. Mr. Lefourn
gave him letters of introduction to several in
fluential friends, be went away and set up
work in earnest. For a while he was unsuc
cessful ; at last his talents began to be appre
ciated, and lie was on a fair way to prosperity.
At the end of the year he wrote and told Mr.
Lafourn how he had succeeded, and asked 1.1
he would have any objections to his wedding
taking place then. Be returned,,and when
he arrived he found his Nellie prettier than
over. Mr Lafourn said nothing, and Bart
wondered at hie giving such a costly wedding
to Ur niece; but whei he, as the bride's
father, gave her away he was dumbfounded.
As soon as the ceremony was over be rushed
to his lather in law t .
_'What robes it mean r'
'lt paeans you have married my daughter,
sir', responded the happy parent, 'and we
have been deceiving you all the while. Lu
cille is my maiden sister
Bart was paralizod.
•
'Your daughter?'
;And my money, as I promised. - Nellie
and I heard your conversation and determin
ed to test you. We did so, and Nellie still
insisted on you being tried, and—'
'You have taken the conceit out of me'
13ut though rich he did not leave his pro
fession and enter into his idle, careless life
again, he steadily pushed his Tray up and now
is one of the most influential men of the times,
which he always ovate is more due to Nellie's
stratagem than 'Marrying a Fortune.
lO4T7TVFMOIFIF:4P . MI:
A good wife is the greatest earthly bless
° A
man is what his wife makes• him.
It is the mother who moulds the •charm
ter and destiny of the child.
Make marriage a matter cf moral judg
went.
Marry in your own religion.
Marry into a tinnily which you have long
known.
Never talk at one another, either alone of
in company.
Never both manifest anger at once.
Never speak loud to one another unless
the house is on fire.
Never reflect on a past action which was
done with a good motive, and with the beet
judgment at the time.
Let FCV-atuegatiba be the daily din and
effort of each:
The very oearest approach to domestic
felicity on earth, is the mutual cultivation' of'
au absolution unselfishness.
Never fiLd fault, unless it is ,perfectly
certain that a fault has been eowwitted; and
even then prelude it with a kiss, and loving-
Never allow a request to be repeated--
'1 forgot,' is no‘er an acceptable excuse.
Never niali_o_it remaik at the expel:lap of
the other; it is meanness.
Never partfor a day without loving words
to think of during your absence. Besides,
it may be that you will not •meet again in life.
Profanity.
One of the most common, and yet a most
disgusting vice of the day, is the use of pro_
Lace language The Good Book says: 'What
comes out of the mouth defileth a man"—
Then some men are terribly defiled within.
Some love to hear themselves tails, and are
yet so barren of ideas that they try to render
emphatic their common place utterances—b-y - '
senseless oaths in every sentence they utter.
Few profane swearers have an idea of the
terrible nature of their sin, or of its effect
upon themselves. If the consequences of
this terrible vice only resulted in the-intense
disgust of those who are unwillingly forced
tl hear it, the sin would not be so danger
ous, but when the influence of the swearer's
oath is considered, in the effect of this heart
hardening sin of blasphemy upon the swear•
er liinself, the matter becomes of terrible
importance, and deeply alaiwing. In the
assumption to the power-of God, in damning
his own soul, the swearer commits the sin of
blasphemy, the most blighting to the soul of
any of the sins proscribed in the, word of
God. From a moral and social point of view,
it is a low, vulgar and senseless habit that no
one with a particle of respect for himself or
others, should engage in.—De Witt..
A DRY JOKE —ld a shady Schuylkill
cove some hall dozen young gentlemen bath
ers were disporting themselves in the cool.
log river waters, baying left their clothes
upon the shore.
While they were, at the height of their
enjoyment, two young ladies, each with a
book in hand, came down a steep, narrow
path, and seated themselves on a moss•cov.
ered rock, under a spreading tree, opened
their books and began to read. The young
men swam around a projecting point of the
rock and waited for the datmels to go away,
but they continued to read on and on, turn
ing slowly leaf after leaf, so interesting were
the semaion novels they were perusinc ,
And all the while they were closely watched
by the vow shivering and impatient bathers.
For nearly two hours the young ladies
stirred not rbut as the sinking sun began to
throw long shadows over the leaden waters,
they arose, and arm in arm they began to
move on, when suddently one of them paus
ed, threw oft her big straw hat, unlaced, un
bettoned. dropped her frock, and called nut:
•Cotue ashore boys! Put on your clothes.
We've got through reading.'
They were not young ladies at all, but two
wild, mischievous wags. fond of fun and
practical jokes of the most unscrupulous
kind, who had-come out to play a cruel trick
on their unsuspecting companions.
HOLD ON on to your tongue when
you are just ready to swear, lie or speak
harshly, or use an improper word.
Hold - on to your band when you are about
to strike, pinch, steal or do no improper act.
Hold on to your temper when you are en•
gry, excited or imposed upon, or others are
angry about ,yieu.
Hold on to your heart when evil associates
seek your company, and invite you to join in
their mirth and revelry.
Hold on to your name at all times, for it
is of more value to you than gold, high pla.
ces or fashiontible attire. ,
Hold on to the truth fur it will.seroe you
well, and do you good throughout eternity.
Hold on to your virtue—it is above all
price to you in all times and places.
Hold on to your good character, for it is
and ever will be your beat wealth.
Louisville, Kg , has a child ooiy 5 months
old that can talk and walk. Well bet a
Cool tbottaaad that baby is a girl.
Advice to Young Ladies.
• -BY LW ow l bWIB.•
Firstly—You are perfect idiots to ent on
in this way. Your bodies. are most boauti•,
ful of God's creation. Io the C.intinental
galleries talistys saw groups of people tail'''.
area - about the ;Actives of women It was'
no; passion; the gazers were"just'as tO
be women as men; it was because of .the
wondrous beauty of a woman's fiaure.
Now, stand with me at my office window,
and sea a lady pass. There goes one l Now,'
isn't that a pretty loekiug 'obkot r: A' big
hump,. three big lumps, a wilderne,sot ori ps.
and frills,,n hauling up of the dress here and
theni, an enormous,, hideous mass of false
hair, or bark, piled on top of her heal, Sur• -
mounted-by-a-little flat, ornamented with
bits of lace, birds' tails, etc , etc The shy
windows tell tis,' all day fling, of the - pad.
dings, whale bones and steel springs, which
occupy most of the space within. that outside
In tlienanie of all the sirepleosweet sin.
timents which clustet abottt a home, I w mid
ask, how is a man to fall in love with such a
piece of compound, double-twisted, touch.
me-not artificialist, as you see in that wtig:
gliog curiosity
Secondly With that wash like' waist
equeestng your lungs, stomach, liver and uth
er vital organs into one half their natural
size, and with that long trail dragging,on the
ground, how can any man of sense who
knows that life is made up of use, of ser
vice, of work, how can he take such a part..
ner? lie must be desperato, indeed, to unite_
himself for lifo with such" a fettered, half
breathing ornament.
Thirdly—Your had dress and lack of ex•
ercisa lead to bad health, and men wisely fear
that instead of a helpmate, they would got
an invalid to take care of. This bad health,
in you, just as in mOD, makes the naiad as
well as the body fuddled and off
You have no power, no magnetism ! kno •
you giggle freely, and use big adj9ctives,
such as 'splendid !' 'awful I' but then this
don't deceive us; we can see through it all
You are superficial, affected, silly ; you have
none of that 'womanly strength and warw , b
which are so assuring and attractive to man.
Why you become so chileish and weak-mind.
ed drat you refuse to wear decent names' even,
and insist upon baby names. Instead of [lel.
en, Margaret and Elizabeth, you affect Nel
lie, Maggie and Lizz•e. When your brother
were babies you called them Bobbie, Dickey
and Johnny.' But when they grew up to
manhood, no more of that silly trash, if you
please. But ,I know a woman of twenty•five
years, (and she is as big as both my grand•
-mothers pal together,) who insists upon be
ing called Kitty, but her real name is Oath.
urine, and although her brain is big enough
to conduct affairs of State, she does nothing
but giggle, cover up her face with her fan,
and exclaim once in four minutes, 'Don't
now, you are real mean.'
flow can a man propose a life partnership
to such a silly goose? My dear girls, you
must, if you wish to get decent husbands,
dress in plain, neat, becoming garments, and
talk like sensible. earnest sisters
You say that the most sensible men aro
crazy after these butterflies of fashion. I
beg your pardon, it is not as. Occasionally
a man of brilliant success may marry a sil
ly, weak woman, but, as I have heard wo
men say a hundred times, that most sensible
men marry women without• sense is simply
absurd. Nineteen times in twenty, sensible
men choose sensible women. I grant you
that in company they ere likely to chat and
toy with these over-dressed creatures, but
they don't ask tbem to go the altar with
them.
Fourthly—Among the young men in the
matrimonial market, only a very small num•
ber are independently tioh, and in America
such very rarely make good husbands But
the number of those who are just beginning
in life, who are ft led with a noble ambition,
who have a future, is very large. Theo) are
worth having. But such will not ask you
to join thorn, while they see you so silly, and
So gorgeously attired.- Let them. see that
you are industrious and economical, with
habits that secure to you goad health and
strength, that your life is earnest and real,
that you are willing to begin at the begin.
Ding of life with the man you would consent
r,„
to marry, then marriage sv . become the rate,
and not as new, the exec. ion. •
STOPPING THE TRAIA•.—The express train
was whirling along over the Lehigh Valley
railroad the other d►y—behind time and
running at furious speed—when the engin
eer caught sight of an old lady slowly ot
tering ahead upon the track Instantly the
whistle was blown. No heed, however, was
taken of it; But thinking the venerable
dame would got out of danger in due time,
the speed, was not slackened, though the
screaming of the whistle made the mountain
ring Yet still she kept on slowly, neither
turning her head to thought or to the left,
until the engine was almost upon her, then
the brakes were put on with a will, and, a
stoppage effected just in time to save her
life
'What the d-1 is the matter with you?'
asked the engineer as he jumped off and took
the aneient - datue by the shoulder.
'Guess you needn't scream so., You have
made fuss enough already,' was tho caustic,
rep.
'You heard•the whistle, then r°
'Sartaioly. I halo - 't deaf.'
'Then why in the name of thunder didn't
you get, off the. track ?'
'You hain't got no right tuna over folks,
as I know on, and its your business to mot
when you see them walking on the track
The swearing of 'our army of Flanders'
was nothing compared to that of the engin
eer, as be pushed ber aside, sprang upon the
engine, and set it whining to the tune of
forty miles au hour.
Delinquent subeerkbers:Pay up
Slal9 -4 ° 2 ' 2 el" I/ enri°
• 'Mimi WAS Ittairr.—A party of gram•
merians in a Cincinnati restaurant . , were .ar;
going for halt an hour over the question :
'ls it right to say
,six and seven it 11, or six
and seven ate 111' Some were certain Is•
was the proper term to employ (on the prin•
pedlar, that whattver is, is tight,) ;
-while the others were equally etteutrous that•
.are:was the right word.!,
' you mean to say, -MN' said one distill.
guished gratcmorian, very nob excited to
! another distiugnished grammarian, 'that six.
and seven are 11 e
'lt are,' replied the other, equally excited:
sluch confusion ensued, arid it was feared:
that a collision would etisuelretWeen the'dis•
tiegukhed grammarians. In fact, after con—
altimtioy each other pretty sharply, and work.
ing then elves' up to the superldave - degree.
of kwratltful mond, they did uuske a few
parsss at each others head, In the priient
tense of affairs it was agreed to leave the
"rreitkion to the Teutonic gentleman who bro't.
the lager Said one of them :
glans, which is right, to spy Pix and sev;
en eleven, or six and seven are eleven
1111113
'six unt sOen isle eloveu, or six unt adieu.
are:eleven?'
'Yes, yes, that's it.
y, yt.ttt (urn (cols, six unt schen pese
teen r
The dreariest of all houses in the world
are those that are bot•kiess and newspaper.
less. To a man accustomed to the delights
which' these - pleasant companions, books and
newspapers, tiff ard, it is almost itnpossible. to
conceive of a.comfortable existetiCe without
them. W n have sometimes seen magnificoody
furnishel houses, in which seatcely a book
or newspaper was to be found. Such dwell.
inns may have had eharnas'for their owners,
but .had our tastes been consulted, we would
have sent. the velvet carpets, the damask cur.
h - e — s - u - p - rb — nairror - sa - o - d — tlic — fuaurioua
chairs to the auctioneer, and-with _the
coeds of their sales purchased a hundred or
two, or a thousaud good volumes, and sub
scribed for half a dozen first class newspapers.
Sometime, if you work bard, if you are
temperate, if you are economical, ibere is sun)
to come a bright success for you The ob•
stacles that clip. , around you now so closely
and hold you back from that fair life — ttrat
fancy pictures, will, One by one, drop away
and leave you free. Somewhere, a place ex •
aptly fitted for you to fill, made fur you, kept
for you, is and will bo Don't get diseour•
aged, fur somehow, - somewhere, all will be
well.
The sentence, 'Mary. milk the cow, was
girea out to be parsed. The last word was
disposed of as follows. 'Cow is a noun, fem.
ioine gender, singular another. third person,
and stands for Mary,' 'stands for \lary,'
said the esei:ed pedagogue: •how de you
make that out? 'Because., answered the
iutelligout pupil, 'if the cow didn't stand for
Mary, how could Mary milk het?'
There is a hotel iu Springfi4ld that only
charges half peas for lovers; and yet the
proprietor says that he makes more money
out of this class of boarders than any other
people abJur, the hou•e 'Let a youth,' he
says, 'sot up with a yellow spencer and blue
eyes on Sunday night, nod he will feel so
heavenly that ho won't get .down to pork
and beaus again till the latter part of the
week.
Miming a Seminary—it is said that the
3 .
son of B righam Young is about to marry
a flourishing female Seminary at Salt bke
City—all but the principal and the teacher
of 1113:40, who are excepted, not from any
fault of their own, but beeline one of them
is a married woman and the other a Preach•
man.
Nothing on earth can smile but human
beings Gems may flash refl mted light, but
what is a diamond flash compared with an
eye flash and mirth fl ash? A face that can.
not smile is like a bud that cannot blossom,
and dries up on the stalk. htughter is day
and sobriety is night, and a smile is the
twilight that hovers gently between both,
and more bewitching than either.
'Mother, where's 13111 ?"My son, don't let
me hear you say Bill again You should
say Witham,' .In the yard, feeding the.
ducks.' •-Oh, yes I see him now But, 'poth
er, what makes the ducks havo such broad
william,?' 'Ol nor wish 3 , •)itr brother, you
little scamp, ur cud' yuur ears.'
A Dubuque grocer having bad an unpre•
indented demand for vinegar for several days ]
bottles, mugs, jugs, basins, tea•pots, and oth..
er pots having been constantly coming for a
supply of the acid fluid, was tempted to try
its quality for himself, when he discovered
that be bad tapped the wrong eahk, and sold
a barrel of old liourbuo whiskey at ten cents
a quart.
An Israelite lady, sitting in the same box
at an opera with a physician, was much trou
bled with ennui, and happened to gape.
'Excuse me madam . ' said the dootor. 4 1
am glad you did not swallow me.'
'Wye yourself no uneasiness,' replied the,
lady, 'I tun a Jewess, and never eat pork.'
Not theleast of God's mercies is the ap.
parent deoay . Of . the f.oulties by ago, as a pro.
vision for death. It is the ripening of %he
eppio, that it way fall without violence.--
Anon.
The man who cherishes little sliobts sod
affronts and whose self iusportanoe is too
gregt to forget and forgive has a mean little
'soul however big his body or important html
position. ,
The boot l arliWo io a hurry-..o c otain, -
•,:
NtIttIBER `,4