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SP Blair.
votun xxill.
oid rui II 0
JUST THETHING
Mil AL MUST N.l{'6!
~-0
II\TOW is the time to economize when money is
. 1 11 scarce. You should study your interest by
supplying your wants at the first class store of C.
BEAVER. North-east corner of the Diamond.
He does business on the only successful method,
viz: by buying his goods for cash. The al fogy
idea of buying goods at high prices and on'long
credits is
EXPLODED.
Call and examine our fine stock and don't be
RUINED
by paying 29 per cent. too much for your goods elic
wherc.- We will chalengo the community to ehow
forth a more complete stuck of
HATS, all of the very latest styles and to suit all,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
BOOTS all kinds end - prices;
at
SHOES, of every description for Men's, Ladies',
Nisqes' and Children's wear,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
CLOCKS, every one warranted anu;olt!
ay • C. IN. ItE.4 VER.
TRUN KS. of all siv.s. the very best manufacture,
also warranted and bol
'. by C. N. I3AEVER.
VALISES, of every kind,, also very cheap,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
II 'PSTfor - liinliefisrarrs and C-liitißTriTa-ftush
trupply received every week and sold
by C.N. BEAVER.
NOTIONS, a full line as follows, sold
byC.l4 .BE VER.-
_ _ _
P A PER COLLARS, for Men and Boys
.wear,
Oho most complete arid finest assortment in town,
by C. N. BEAVER.
HOSIERY, of every kind, for sale,
by C. N. BEAVER.
GLOVES, for Men and Buys wear,
ac -C. N. BEAVER'S.
SUSPENDERS, toralgn and Bova wear,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
CANES AND UMBRELL AS, a complete stock
st C.' N-BEAVER's.
BROOMS AND BRUSHES, of the vet} , best
kind, nt C. N. BAEVER'S.
TOBAcca, to suit the taste of all,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
CIGARS, which cannot be beat, for sale,
by C. N. BEAVER.
SNUFF, which we chalenge any one to excel in
quality; for sale
at
C.N.- BEAVER'S.
INK and PAPER, of every description,
. at C. N
CANDIES, always fresh too, for sale,
at , C. N. DEAVER'S.
SPICES, for sale
3 ,CKERS, of every kind;
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
INDIGO BLUE,
at C. N BEAVER'S.
CON CENTR ‘TED !SL, for salt.,
at C. N. LEAVER'*.
KEROSENE, or the rely l efit,—Pius I hi.
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
LAMP CHIANIES also,
And many other articles not necessary to mention.
We now hope that you will-give us a share of your
patronage. We arc indeed. thankful t.) you for past
patronage, and hope a eont'nuanee of the same,
and martin years truly,
CI, A RENCE -.N. BE >,V ER.
Waynesboro', June 2, 1870.
The World Renowned.
-MEDICINE
Drs. D.Tahrney Son's
CELEBRATED
PREPARATION
CLEANSING TUE BLOOD.
' WILL CURE
SCROFUL A, CUTANEOUS DISEASES, ERY
SIPELAS, BOILS, SORE BYES, SCALD
DE ID, PIMPLES, and BLOTCHES ON
TEI FACE, TErTER AFFECTIONS,
old an I STUBBORN ULCERS, EU
MATIC FrECTIt INS, DYsPEP
SI COSTIVENESS,
SICK C HEADACHE, SALT
RIII A UNDICE, GENERAL DE
BILITY, CHILLS AND FEVER, FOUL
STOMACH, TOGETHER with ALL OTH
ER DISEASES ARMING FROM IMPURE
BLOOD AND DISORDERED
LIVER.
TRY ONE BOTTLE OR PAACKAGE
And be convinced
. that this medicine is no humbug.
ISJId hi all Druggists.
C7EILITT.IOI§T.
Drs. TA Falirney & Son's Preparation for Cleans
ing the BluoJ is COUN TE [WEI FED. The gen
uine has the nam I "D. FA H liN EY & SON" on
the front of the outside wr ipper of each bottle. and
the mune of I.lrs' D. r !Army & Son's Preparati'n
for Cleansing the Blood, Boonsboro, Md., blown in
each bottle. All others are CO UNTE 11FB1T. Rec
cllect that it is Drs. 1). Fe limey & Eon's Celebrated
Preparation for Cleansing the Blood that is so uni
versally used, and so highly recommended ; aid do
not allow the Druggist to induce you to take any
thing else that they may say is just the same or as
good, because they In eke a large profit on it.
.PREPARED I.llr
- Drs. 1). F.4III2NEY cf," SO,V,
DOONSBORO, MD..,
And Dr. P. D. Fahrney, Kedy - sville, Dlcl
Ile sure to get the genuine. None genuine un
-1 pe signed D. FAJIRNEY & EON.
bold by Dr J. B. Amasnsox, Wayne:4lpr°' ; Dr.
.1. lluaknot.nren, %Vim.; r t, goiney ; r1:1“):C
SNIVK . v, Shady GrOVC..
SVIC 31)- 637051
C. N. BAEVER'S
'Come, George—just a drop at parting.
Heaven only knows when we may nreet again.
You are to settle among the hills of Berk
shire iu the West, and 1 amid the vales,of
Middlesex, in the East. Just-a glass to our
success '
'No, Male-am ;if would accept a true
pledge of success I muse not find it io the
wine cup, I hold the cap as a signal of
failure'
C N 13EAVER'S.
They were young men, both of them —j ust
admitted to, the bar, and-ready ta cuter upon
the practice of their profession.
And on this bright, crisp autumnal after
noon George and :Malcom were t' separate.
They had selected
. their fields of labor, and
were prepared to enter upon the work
cried Maleam, in response to his
friend's last rtquark, 'there's promise in bright
wine it one knov.s how to use it. Corue and
take a parting glass with me.'
'No, Malcom—you niuq not ask me. NV cre
I to take the -cup to my lips I should fear it
as I might a viper taken to wy bosom.'
'llo you mean to say that you are going to
be a teetotaler ?'
And , shortly after/this they parted.
Malcom Carling removed is Middlesex
county, where he very soon gained fur him
self a host of friends and au extensive prao
tice Ilis intellect was bridiarit , his wit was
ready and caustic his humor was rieb nod.
exuberant, and big flow of language was from
s fount of thought and imagery that "never
fai'ed. His path seemed a pleasant one in
deed Oily }lovers of rarest colors and most
exquisite fragrance hedged it, while sweet,
music kept aloe to the dropping of the-glit
tering sands in the glass. It was the path
he had chosen from the Erg. Its goal was
the highest possible,plane of the social life,
and the presiding genius was the Spirit of
the wine cup.
Ile reached the goal ere he knew it. All
the j-ys of life he had chosen Lad been tasted
ere ho reached his prime. A brief space,
nod the flawers began to wither; the thorns
protruded, bare and sharp; the sweet musics
grew fainter as dise•ordent notes crept in to
mar and break the haiwony; nod the sands
of the glass—dropping. dropping, dropping
—h a d l us t their glitter, and now fell , darkly
and solemnly into the back flowing the of the
time that was lust.
George Nixon Briggs established himself
in Berkshire, and pursued his way in the path
ho had chosen. Alf that he was be owed to
his own endeavors, and all that het:mold hops
for in the future must come through these=
channel. -At the age of thirteen be bed been
apprenticed to a hatter, at White Creek, New
York, where he remained for two years At
the-ago of fitter') his brother bad taken him
troth the hatter's shop and sent him to au
academy. in one year thereafter, his brother
had died, from which time he had been. left
to steer his own. bark, and select his own
chart. .ri
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 17, 1670.
I"O3EITIC7.AL.L.
'TIS SWEET, THOUGH SAD AT EVENS
'Fin sweet, though sad at even,
When the fire's light is low,
To gather 'round the hearthstone
In the ember's fitful glow ;
And call from memory's keeping
The cherished ones of yore,
Who dwell with us no more.
Those bright and happy children
That used to please us se,
Like Ludo at Autumn's coming,
ey pens e ong ago.
The fur rind gentle maidens
ho bit ssed these homes of -
A h, me, they too departed,
And left us with the flowers.
As these come thr ingiWround
From friendship's broken chain,
We half forget our sorrow
In seeing them again ;
Once more their eyes seem soaring.
Ina sea of holy light,
Ar if thcir_souls_were dreaming,
Of. a better world's delight.
Thus, at the doze of even;
When on the half lit wall,
• =
.d-ows-rem-to-lertgare
Into phantom.: grim and mil;
Dear mc , lsKtry brings around us
The friends of other years,
'Till our minds grow full of thinking
And-o—reyes grew dim - with tear::
.Life a vapor fleeting is,
Short, smut aimmed with earthly tears ;
Joys, whose transient hours are borne,
Downwards by its earthly tears.
Thus its morning hours are spent,
Eager for the coming noon ;
And the evening shadows 0 Id us
ti igliing that they come so boon.
Life's a lake, so calm and bright,
On whose breast otot_.--westecrt-:--
A 11 before us shining glory,
All behind us dark and drear.
But beyond this Life there's teaming
another whose bright fl mere
Waft their n 4 ventlying perfumes
Through the Everlasting Hours.
-Wirlsl9rVtiVVl
THE TWO PATHS.
, Upon that course I am resolved, and let
the luture decide between us.'"
True to the loftier instincts of his nature
An Xrk.cloperi elLexkt '*"'et,ixL.l.l.7sr MiTerwsromper;
he had selected the path of honor end moral
duty, feeling assured that if be sought first
the kingdom of God and (lie righteousness,
all other things would be given unto him.—
He was a social man—pre-eminently eo— and
a owe genial companion never blessed the
social circle; but he did-net prostitute the
higher nature to the allurements of the fes
tive board ; nor did he allow himself to be
deceived by the false glitter of the bacohana•
lien tinsel. He lived true to the pledge which
he had taken in his early manhood —the
pledge of total abstineace from intoxicating
liquors—and the huger be lived the more
reason bad ho to bless God for the choice he
had made.
At the ago of thirty he was eleeted'to Con
grass-from the Berkshire district, and in that
capacity he was retained during six emcee
sive terms, declining further service in that
direction upon being nominated to the office
et Gomoor. At. the age of forty•seven he
as — efect - ell — thwer our 4;1 - 111 - assa - ctrus ago
which office he was annually re-elected from
184-3 to 1851.
It was a cold, bleak day in Much. Gov
ernor Brigga bad just demanded from his
room io the State House, and was loaning
against the railing which guards the statue
of Washington, in conversation with a friend,
when a page approached and handed him a
note, He broke the seal and read, It was
from the Mayor of the city, informing him
that
. a man bad been picked up in the gutter
during the night by the watch, and wus now
pronounced to be dying of delirum tremens.
'lle says,' wrote the Mayor, 'that be knew
you once—that you -were his friend and
echoolmate. He will not gi"e his name. If
ou would like to see him come soon.'
The Governor hastened• down to the City
Building, and with Dr. Smith, the city•phy
sician, he went down into the police station
where the poor waif lay.
Alas ! he would never have recognized in
—that wasted, shattered wreck o nuntotty tle
friend of his youth; but so it wasz_O ! _what
a sad, sad.sight.
'I las he any eaasoiousness left ?? 'the Gov
mot asked.
'lle has had one or two lucid spells, Litt
the delirium has about slept itselt, ll.e can
rave no more.
At this moment the sufferer started; and
opened his eyes----dark, eavereoua eyes, blear
ed and ghastly, but with a gleam•of intolli•
geoco in their sunken depths. -
'Who spoke ?' he demanded, in a • hollow,
whispered tone,
'Malcolm, it was"l. Don't you know me?'
The poor man struggled to raise himself,
and the attendants helped - Tim, and when he
had been lifted to a sitting posture with pil•
lows at his bad:, he looked• up,
know the voice,' he said.
'And don't you know the lace ? Look at
me, Malcolm'
A little time, and something like a smile
broke over the worn and haggard face.
'George !Is it you r
'Yes, Malcolm. lam your old school-fel
low. You surely remember me now,'
Malcolm Carling grasped the hand of his
friend and gazed up into his taco. Another
faint smile crept in upon his scarred and tor.
tured features, but it quickly faded away and
something Ike a pearl glistened upon the
drooping lashes:"
'Malcolm, what can I do for you ?'
'Nothing—nothing, George. I am• past
help. I chose my own path and I have tray
cled in it—and here I am. you—you.
Ali ! why should I murmur ? You chose the
better path, George—and there you ale. You
Governor of Massachusetts, and I—l—'
`The voice choked, the features were con
vulsed ; a moment so, and then the eyes were
opened, the smile flitted back and he 'mur
mured, as his head sank, "sic transit gloria
u
lie had reached the end of the weary way.
and another wreck• upou- .the terrible reel
which a pernicious appetite has reared amid
the waters of life.
Gov. Briggs told• me the story of Malcolm
Curling as we sat together upon the platform
on Boston Common, during. the public recap
Lion of Father Matthew.
Does Farming Pay ?
"Yet, after all, does farming in Essex
county, Massachusetts, pay ? -* * I need
only to refer to the returns Of the income tax
to find instances where men by farming alone .
have in this country returned annual incomes
atuouatiog to from $3 ; 000 to ss,ooo—enough
to buy a good farm, with fair buildings I
could name 80 Essex county farm of fifty
acres, valued at $lO,OOO, the gross products_
of which were enough in one year to pay for
it. It is an unusual occurrence, but such
was the fact for that year. *- * I know
of no kind of good farming that does not pay
well, while no kind of poor farming will yield
more than a poor living—nor Should it. Of
course, any man who is a man, and cares for
the comfort and happiness of his family, will
see that abundance of vegetables, fruits,sniall
and large, milk, eggs and poultry are growu
upon the farm for family use
We see this heading in our agricultural
and other journals all over the country, with
all kinds of answers, some of whieh are pre•
posterous. The truth is, farming is like any
other buiiness, and will pay just in proper
tion as it is well and properly followed. A
poor, a lazy, an ignorant, neglectful, or an
iutemperate farmer, will Sod the business to
"pay" badly enough, and if he makes both,
ends meet at the end of the year he will be
lucky. Rut if he follows the Inisioess care
fully,„enetgetically, and intelligently, there is
none that will pay more liberally, or at least
more certainly. .We look upon farming as
the most sure, inviting and independent pur
suit that exists. No man qualified for it ever
!galls" or becomes poor. On the contrary,
be is annually becoming richer and his family
more cothfortable and happy. Assuredly
farming will "pay" all whn know how to eon
datet it Germantown Tcleraph
A Wife worth Having.
The distinguished William Wirt, within
six-or eight months after his first marriage,
become addieted‘to intemperance, the effect
of which operated strongly on the mind and
health of hie wife, .and in , a few.. months
more she was numbered , with' the dead--
Her death lead him to leave the county
where he resided, and remove to Richmond,
where he soon rose to diatitietion, But his
habits hung about him, and occasionally- be
was found with the jelly and- frolioksome
spirits,. in- baeltanalian revelry. His true
friends expostulated with him, to convince
him of the injury he was doing
But he still persisted. his practice began
to fall off, and manylooked upon him as on
ths sure road to ruin. Ile was advised• to
get married, with a view of correcting his
habits. This he consented to do, if the right
person offered. He accordingly paid his ad
dressee to a Miss Gamble. After some
incintti'eriittentious, he -asked - hey - band. in
marriage. She replied :.
'Mr. Wirt, have been well aware of your
intentions for sometime hack, and should
have given you to understand that your vis
its and attentions were unacceptable, had I
not reciprocated the election- which you e
vinced fot me. But I cannot yield my as
sent until you make me a pledge never to
touch or handle any intoxicating drinks.'
This reply to Mr. Wirt was as unexpected ,
as it was novel. His reply was, that he re
garded the proposition as a bar to all furth
er consideration of the subject, and he left
• course to Lion was the same as
ever—his, resentment and neglect. In the
course of a few weeks, he went again, and
aolicited {tar hanrh_ Hat h er_reply_was r .
her mind was made up. Ile became indig.
nant, and regarded the terms she proposed
as insulting. to his honor,. and. vowed- it
should be the last meeting-t hey should ever
have. Ile took to driekinl worse and worse
and seemed to run headlong to ruin. One
dayoshil.'e lying in the outskirts of the city,
near a little grocery, or gregshop„ dead drunk,
aloung lady, whom it is not necessary- to
name, was pal - sing that way to her home,not
far off, beheld him with his face upturned
to the rays of a scorching EMI. She took
her, handkerchief,with her own name mark.
cd upon it, and placed it over his face.
• After ho had remained= in that wny for
several hours, he was awakened, and his
Alrirst - being so great, he went into the little
grocery or grog shop to got a drink, - when
ho.discovered- the handkerchief which he
looked at, and•the name that was oo it. Af
ter pausing a low minutes, he exclaimed-:
• 'Great G d, who left this with me I Who
placed it on my face?' No one knew. Ile
dropped-the glass, orelaimieg, Enough e
nough I'
He retired instantly from the store, forget
ting his thirst, but not his debauch, the hand
kerchief, or the lady, vowing, if God- gave
him strength, never to touch, taste or handle
intoxicating drinks.
To meet Miss G. again was the hardest ef
fort of his life. It he met her in hen carriage
or on foot he would dodge, the nearest cor
ner. She at last addressed him a note, under
her own hand, inviting him to the house,
which ho fieally gathered courage to accept.
He told her it she still bore affection for him
he would agree to her own terms. Her re
ply was•:
'My conditions are now what they over
have been'
`Then,' said the disenthralled Wirt, 1- so
cept of them!
They were soon married, and from-that day
ho kept his word, and his affairs brightened,
while honor and gbry gathered thick upon
his brow. His name has been enrolled high
in the temple of fame,. while his deeds, his
patriotism and renown live after him with
imperishable lustre. Bow many noble minds
might the young ladies save, if they 'would
fallow the example of the heroine-hearted
Miss Gamble the friend of humanity, ribber
omntry, and the relative of La Payette.—St
C. • Tenper ance A dvocate..
• • WO.
The Memphis Avaitzach-dolls the follow
ing. 'A little negro boot black entered the
storehouse of one of our Front street mer
chants, and politely invited the salesman
in front to have a 'shine for five cents,' The
clerk sought to excuse himself from the
proffered invitation by saying that 'he would
black the urchin's boots for five cents.'—
The boy eyed him for a second, and, with
the utaiost nonchalance-, plaeed his muddy
hoof upon a box, and told the clerk to 'take
a chair and he would . pay him five cerits,'—
The eleik, to keep his word, proceeded• to
pick up the boy's brash and blacking;.bat
was immefintely stopped by the-youngster,
who cried: 'Look ye her'; you got to get
your own brush
_and blacking for die job?
Amid the laughter of a crowd, the plucky
clerk- at once produced brush and blacking,
aad in a few minutes the boot-black's boots
became acq.u.tinted with a scientific polish.
when the deed was done, the little 'nig' pro
duced a five eent piece nod departed, whist
ling the.onee popular air, 'John Brown's body
lies mouldering is- the grave.'
INTEOWITY IS CAPITAL.—Young men in
business, write it to meet your eye oontia•
ually, that high toned, unyielding upright
ness is the first requisite and the most train
able clement in the capital of a successful
business„—With troops of friends and ample
funds to begin with, a young man without .
truth and'uprighteess will soon wreck the
fairest hopes. But let a young buisnesa man
-be all tight in his principles, be will win suc
cess in spite of slim capital and few friends
at the beginning. it is hardly possible for
a young man' ol high moral charaeter to fail
of suecee&, it he will Fatiently and int:loon.
ously apply himself to his buisness.. Hun
dreds of gooi men watch with interest the
efforts of such, and are glad to say a kind
word or lend a helping hand.
A small _thing to.k7el—dioright Bide- of
133M1U VeODIO;
A Word to,Stern Fathers;
Ii sever cap "be too strongly' impressed
npon the mind'thal.nothing felonies ti parent
from his duties toward- a child. No way
wardoess, rio r d4,obedietioe, no rebellion, no
profligacy can eiret justify a father in cast
ing a son lieidaushter adrift... We hear of
sons being out off which a ehilling, of desugh
tern, being forbidden their father's house,
andovithout any exceptioni_suots eases are
proof' that, of whateveraies the children way.
hive been guilty, the, father is evens more
guilty. No parson eats commit against so
ciety so great a crime, as ts- father commits
who is thus false to the trust which he him
self has imposed—who- thus thrusts off from ,
himaellthe- soul which he called into being.
A father ehould , be governed-by, no motive
but his ohild'S best iateretits, and O child's
best interests can never , be' 'served- by. any
thing but his father's eonstant and •loving
care. If a child is so bad that his influence
is feared-on the other children, a separation
between theta may be effected. If it is fear
ed that money bestowed on him will be for
his injury, provision may be made agairiet
that as in the case 1- have mentioned.—
gut when a lather, in a frt of anger,or as a
reward for ill•dolog, disinherits or refuses to
see his child, he commits a crime which the
laws indeed do not recognize, but whose guilt ,
it would take many a legal crime to out
weigh: There should be absolutely no limit
to parentallorgiveoess and forbearance
Seven, timee-and seventy times-seven should'
the fkther receive 'the prodig al son who seeks
his face; and if he never see ks _ it, if he goes,
stubborn and rebellious, not one atom of
fatherly care and interest should be relax;
for_the_chililitaie•ohildi his offspring, born
of his will, And no vice or violence can re
lease the man from his solemn obligation to
guard and guide, so far ae-possible, the life
whioh , he dared-to gives. ,
.1311 JUST TO TOUR 110SEIC.— This
advice of the American Stia3k Journal : We
sometimes see men having the care of horses,
,whipping the animals because they do nut
understand their wishes. Many a time the
I ader r borse or mule,is unmercifully ltv‘afea
for oo , other reason than that•the driver's or
der is not understood. If tbo driver•in such
a case would speak gently to the leader, pat
him a moment on the- neck to reassure him
of his friendship, take hold of the bridle, and
lead him a few steps in the direction he wish-H
es him to go, and all this without any excit e 7_l
ment or auger on , his part, the leader will
always de his-best toplease him.
r _te driving a horse to,a carriage, however
gentle and well trained he may be, something
way happen to alarm or frighten him; this
is no fault of' his , --he cannot belp . it. All he
needs is a word or two of encouragement,
gently spoken, to , reassure him of , his tuas
ter's presence, ati&that it is all right. 'There
sbori!d - be rib whipping done. The driver
should reeolleot that he acts alarmed or fright
ened, too, sometimes, and- would think hard
of being whipped for it..
EARLY LABOR —lb nine eases out of ten
no man's life will be a success if he does not
bear his .burdens in his childhood. - If the
fondness or the vanity of father and mother
kept hiM from, contact with hard labor; if
another always helped him out at the end of
his row; if instead of taking his turn at pitch
nag off, ho mowed all the time—in short, if
what was light always fell to him, and what
was heavy about the same work to some one
clan, if he has been permitted• to shirk until
shirking has,hecome a habit —unless a mir.
wale is wrought, his life will'be a failure and
the blame will not be half as much his as
that of weak -foolish parents.
On the other , hand, irti hey has been
brought up to do his • pact, never allowed to
shirk any legitimate responsibility, or permit.
ted to dodge work, whether or not it made
his Laek ache, or • soiled his• bands, until'
bearing heavy, burdens teatime a matter of
pride, the heavy end of the wood his from
ehoiee, parents, as they hid him gond bye
may di amiss their fearii. • his life wilt not be
a business, failure.. The•eletnents-of• success
are his, and at some time audio some way
the world will.reeognize his 'rapacity..
.BOKILOWING: Trt or; sim Many thou i
ana9.are there whose 'energies are paralysed
by borrowing trouble I If they• are not very
unfortunate td day they are certain .they wile
be so to morrow They spend‘ so touch of
their time groiminz, that they have' but lit
tie left for the performance ofthe deities of
life. Such are not the moo to whom. the•
world commits impotent trusts; and whom
it is most ready to assist: Ilion tell the wort
that youare-goiag.to fail in any. undertak
ing. it will be sure to talloyou,at your word
Aod. men are most ready. to help those who
appear to need it the least. It you an weak ;
do your best to bo cheerful. '
Br" Allenfator and' Optative, the only
reliable and most efficacious 'remedies in the
world far thaspeedy cure of Corns, Bunions,
Bad klaile,'&43. Sold by F. Forthmeo..
SUOKUT COURTSIIIP4 —A geologist onee
traveling in a stage coach in England, hap
pened to sit opposite to a lady; glances were
exchanged, nod mutual admiration seemed to
be the result. Eye language was soon ex
changed for verbal eonversatfou; after a few
interoltackges about fount and petrifaotions,
they hogs* to talk , about living subjects—
from generalities-ands speoialities—from the
third person plural to. the• first Nemo sing*.
lar. Said the gentleman r:
am etill unmarried
'So am I; gootb the lady.
•1 have sometimes thougls of marrying,'
said the former.
Then a pause matted, .
'Suppose,' said the gentleman, 'we were to
marry one another—l would love and cherish.'
'l,' said. the Lair one, 'would honor and'
obey.'
'ln two days they were married.
INsbzu Mew°
Some years ago, in one of our western
courts, three men—an-Englishman, an Irish
tnao, and a Scotchman, were found guilty
of murder, and sentenced to. bs hung The_
judge told them that they could each °hods°
a tree on which to be sarung up ' The
Scotchman promply choose an ash, and the .
Eflulishmau no oak tree.
'Well, Pat, what will you be bung .on?:
asked the judg - e
'lf it would please your Ifnuf;r, i d rather
be hung.on a gooseberry bush ' , rempou&it
Pat.
j itriga i sTl‘ at's -not big enough'
'ildgorra, thia,' says Pat; brighteting up,
'lll Wait till it grows.'
A minister in Scotland desired his Learere
never to call one another hut when
any one said (the thing that was not, they
ought to whistle.
One Sabbath he preached a surtnon on
the parable of the loaves and fishrs; and , be.'
ing at a loss how to explain it; die said the
loaves were not like those now a day—they
were as big, as some of the hills of Scotl an d.
He had timely pronounced these words
when he beard a loud whistle. 'Whet; that
ea's me a liar?' It is Willy, the baker'
'Well, Willy,what objection havele•to vast.
I ha' told- you?'
'None, Mess John; only I want to know
what sort of ovens they had' to bake those
loaves in ?'
TRUTHS —The following rasher hard "hits
by way of definition, not_to be found in Web-
titer. way cause a smile :
Slanderer—A dog that goes unchained, an&
snaps at everybody that is better than hin).
self This applies also _to_the_fetainine•
vender.
t,
Require--Everybody, yet notody a title_
ind iseriminntely applied 4o all aorta of people.
Jury—Twelte prisoners in a box to try
one or more_atitive_bar.---z-- •
Lawyer— A learned gentleman who rescues
your estate from your enemy and keeps i6._
himself.
Dentist—A p_e_rson wbo flails wiark_for-Itis
own teeth by taking out those of other people.
Printer—At inns who is expected to airs
his paper and lablor for nailing, and steal for:.
credit.
I=l
Dr. Briggs' Throat and Lung Healer earl , .
without any exaggeration, safely be said to
be-the-best-remedy_for the Throat and Lungs
that is manufactured. It heals the diseased
tniinf3 - tiCCsurtaeo, restores the bulge, purifies
the blood, acts upon the Liver and Kidney,
and strengthens the system throughout. Sold.
by 6. Forthman.
A cabin•boy on board a ship, the captain:
of which was a religious man, was called up
to be whipped. for some misdemeanor -Lit
tie Jack went crying and , trembling, and,
said to the eaptaia,"'Pray sir, will you wait
till I say my prayers?'
'Yes,'• was the stern. , reply.
'Well, then,' replied Jack, looking up and
smiling triumphantly, say.em• when
get on shore.'
At a Debating Society out Westolta nth.
er day, the subjeet was, which is the moat
beautiful production, a girl or a strawberry?
After continuing the argument for t
nights, the meeting finally adjourned with
out coming to a -conclusion—the old mem
bers going for the strawberries, and:diet
oung ones fur the girJe. '
When a young man's bead has began to
run on 'alabaster shoulders,' exquisite ankles
and similar excitie goods, be must either
abut up, discontinue business and travel, or
else some interesting piece of calico
for file.
A Wheonsin paper says, when a girt there
is kissed, she looks surprised and says :
'How could you? To which the swain re
plies : 'lt will give tue great pleasure tt.-
sbow - you,and proceeds to give her a (WO.
este..
Dt J Briggs' Pile remedies are acknosi ,
ledged by all who have trid them (sod their'
name is Legion) to be the best, most success
ful and efficacious remedies ever used for that.
disease.• Sold by Druggists,
&man is Buffalo pulled off him coat and
. .uniped io the canal to save a woman from
drowning,when a pickToettet stole his pocket.
book from•his coat, and the woman abused
him for pulling her. hair in his efforts to ,
save he ife, .
An iriahmin calling at a-drug.atore to gets,
a bottle of liniment ler the rheumatism, the
druggist asked him in what part of the body,
it troubled him most. 'l3o my soul,' said he,
I 'I have it in ivery. houl and wines of OW
A clergyman who had mite& iwmarriage
a cauple whose Christian names were Benja
min and Annie, on being asked by, a‘mutitall.
friend how they appeared- during tho. cere
mony replied that they appeared annietnatada
and bene-fitted.
"Why," said Bob "Pitting& to. William%
Swipes, when he eaughk,bina drinking. 'A
thought you, had. sigolphe pledge "Se L
have,' said Swipes, ihnetilD sive, you know * ,
fail is dry weather.'
A man in, Maine who kept a store, roiliest
he syld a pint of.rum, always put his thumb
into the measure—an enormous large thumb
-and' at the end of , twenty years . praotiecr
estimated' that be had sold , his thumb for at
least five thousand and bad it kit.
after all.
The most beslifni ,girl we ever heartlnfwass
the young lady wlio‘linatied when oho was'
asked it abe had not-h** urting sleep..
--- - - '
,0%,,
here is au\ f _ " Iv* game Mat
bas never been * ro iik ''l'''-"sed. that is
°outdo& ~ -, z z...:1• „.
fwv
I.IIWR"