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1:33r 107". 33istir.
VOLUME, XXIII.
JUST THE THING
WHICH ALL MUST HAVE
~..-.-0
"VOW is the time to economize when money is
scsree. You should study your interest by
supplying your wants at the first class store of C.
N. BEAVER. Niorth-east corner — ortha - Diamond.
He does business on the only successful method,
viz: by buying his goods for cash. The old fogy
idea of buying goods at high prices and on long
credits is
*4 010 1134
RUINE-D
by paying 20 per cent. too much for your goods else
where. We will chalenge the community to show
forth a more complete stock of
, HATS, all of the very latest styles and to suit all,
at C. N. BE VER'S.
BOOTS, all kinds and prices,
C. S. BE VER'S.
SHOES, of every description for Men's, Ladies'.
'Alleges' and Children's wear,
at
CT'7III — VE Ire —
CLOCKS, every one warranted Imo aol ,
by C. N. RE dVE R.
TRUNKS.of all sizes. the very best manufacture,
also warranted and soil
by C.N.TZ EVER.
VALISES, of every kind, also very cheap..
at C. N. RE V PA'S.
H NTS, for Ladies. Misses and Children, a fresh
supply received every week and sold
by C.N. B EVER.
NOTIONS, a lull line as follows. sold
by C.N.BE VER.
PAPER COLLARS. for Men and Buys wear,
the most complete and Aiwa assortment in town,
by C. N. BEAVER.
HOSIERY, of every kind, for sale,
tp C. N. BE VER.
GLOVES, for Men and Boys wear,
RC C. N. BEAVER'S.
SUSPENDERS, for Men and-Bova-wear
at C, N BEAVER'S,
CANES AND UMBRELLAS, a complete stock
at C. N. BEAVER's,
BROOMS AND BRUSHES, of the very best
r.t C. N. B E VER'S.
TO BACC'O, to suit the taste of all,
at C. N. DE VER'S.
CIGARS, which cannot Le beat. for sale.
by. C. N.BEAVER.
SNUFF, which we thalenge any one to excel in
quatity, for sale
at
C. N. BE VER'S.
INK and 'PAPER, of every at-seription,
at C.N. BE.AVER'S.
CANDIES, always fresh ton, for sale,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
SPICES, fur sale
CRACKGRS,ofever
C. N. BC V E R'S
Dlg,o BLGE,
C. N. I3E VERB
CO NCENTR VTED LIE. for sale;
at C. N. HEAVE R.'44,
KEROSENE, of the very e,.t,—Pitta t)l3.
at, C N. BE AVER'S,
LAMP CHLMNLES also,
And many other articles not necessary to mention.
We now hope that you wdj give us a share of your
patronage. We are indeed, thankful to you fcr past
patronage, and hope a cont'nuance of the same,
and remain yours truly,
CL A RENCE N, BE VER.
Waynesboro', June 2, 1870.
The World Renowned
MEDICINE
Drs. D. Fahrney & Son's
CELEBRATED
PREPARATION
FOR
CLEANSING THE BLOOD.
WILL CURE
•
SCROFULA, MITA N Eolls ItIsEASES,
BOILS, SoRE• EVER, SCALD
HEAD, PIMPLES, and BI,OTCHES ON -
THE FACE, 'VETTER AFFECTIONS,
old awl STUBBORN ULCERS, RHEU
MATIC AFFECTIONS, DYsPEP,
SIA, COSTIVENESS,
SICK HEADACHE, SALT
RHEUM,JAIJNDICE,GENERAL DE
BILITY, CHILLS AND FEVER, FOIIT,
STOMACH, TOGETHER with ALL oTit.
ER DISEASES FROM IMPURE
BLOOD AND DISORDERED
TRY ONE BOTTLE OR PACKAGE
And be convinced that this medicine is uo humbn;.
Sold by all Druggists.
C/.41611:7 1 MI010T...
Dra. D. Fahrney &Son's Preparation for Clenne
ing the Blood is COUN rEßrta D. The gen
uine has the name "D. FA URN EY & SON" 01 , 1
'the front of the outside wrapper of each bottle, and
the name of Drs 1). r abrnry & Son's Preparation
for Cleansing the Blood, Booneboro, Mll., blown in
each bottle. An others are COON l'E It rr.; IT. Rec
ollect that it is I)rs. P. Fahrney & Don's Celebrated
Preparation for Cleansing the Blood that is so uni
versally used, and so highly recommended ; and do
not allow the Druggist to induce you to take any
thing else that they may say is just the same or as
good, because they m ike a large profit on it.
PREPARED BY
Drs. D. FA i 1 NEY & SON,
I3OONBBORO, MD,
And Dr. P.D. Fahrney, Kedysville, Md.
Be sure to get the genuine. Nonegenuine un-
lees signed Hold P. KARIM
EY & bON,
by Dr J. B. Awamsom, ayneebori ; Dr.'
J. Beitsitonoge, K 11 Wisocit, Quinry; FILEDIA
SNIVOLY, zbady Grove. '
June 311- 6mosl •
OLD IRON WAN Te.D.
The highest cash price wiri ba paid for
Gut IronPeraps delivered tat the works 01 the
I iv tf ulsi 131, GO.
it BH
fine-stock-and don't be
C. N. 11 EVER'S
C. N, I3E VER'S.
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 27, ib7o.
IPO.IEMIC7.A.r-a.
. ,
HYMN.
God of the Storm ! 'Neath murky clouds
My wandering footsteps stray,
Oh, let the beam of thy pure ligLt
Flash o'er the &Irksome way.
Thy promise is, to those thou lovost,
Where'cr the pilgrims stray,
Tie flaming pillar guides by night,
'I he cloud directs by day !
God of the Sea! Though drifting storm.
And rattling tempest roll,
I fir my eyes upon tby love,
Thou North Star tf the soul!
Lest yielding waves my feet engu!ph
Ch; take my trembling hand in . thine,;
Upon this Galilee
God of the Earth ! These raid plains
Are eerierts dreai and dire,.
Th a heavens to me no moisture yield,
The earth seems girt with fire..
Yet round thy cross green pastures grow,.
And waters splinging bright, .
My heart revives, my soul is cheered,
And filed with holy light !
,TILD LI 11 F T 1113 ILN-V-L
BY BISHOP DOANE.
'4St aril Nice the anvil !" when the -stroke
Of stalwart men falls fierce and fast;
Stcrms but more deeply rout the oak
`Whose brit wny-sms-embrace-tho-I-las&--
"Slarid I ike the anvil !" when she sparks
Fly far and wide, a fiery shower ;
Virtue and truth must still be marks
Where mdliee proves its want of power.
"Ftarid - liire - the anvil !" - when-the-bar
Lice red and glowing on be breast;
Duty shall be lift.'s leading star;
And conscious innocence its rest.
, •St and like the anvil!" noise and heat
Are born of earth and die vtith,tims ;
The soul, like God, its source and seat,
Is seldom, still, serene, sublime.
--- 4VbAIL - OR'S - LOVE.
One little act_of_politeness will sometimes
pace the way to fortune and preferment.—
The following sketch illustrates this fact :
A sailor, roughly garbed, was strolling
through the streets of New Orleans, then in
rather a damp condition from recent rain and
rise of the tide. Turnioing t he corner of a
much frequented narrow alley, he observed
a - young lady standing in perplexity, appar•
ently mcaeuring the depths of the muddy
water between her and the or posits sidewalk,
with no very satisfied countenance.
The sailor paused, for he was a great ad
mirer of beauty, and certainly the fair face
that peeped out •from under the little chip
hat, and the auburn curls hanging glossy and
unconfined over her muslin dries, might
tempt a curious or admiring glance. Per
plexed, the lady put forth one little foot,
when the gallant sailor with impubivene.s,
exclaimed. 'That pretty foot, lady, should
not be soiled with the filth of this lane ; wait
for a moment, and I will make you a path.
So springing past her into a carpentet's
shop opposite, he bargained for a plank board
that stood in the doorway, and coming back
to the smiling girl, who was just coquettish
enough to accept the services of the hand•
some young sailor, he bridged the narrow
black stream. and she tripped across with a
merry 'Thank you,' and a roguish smile. ma
king her eyes as dazzling as they could be.
Alas! our young, sailor was perfectly charm
ed. What else would make him catch up
and shoulder the plank and follow the little
witch through the streets to her home, she
twice performing the ceremony of walking
the plank,' and each time thanking him with
one of her elecoent smiles.
Presently our hero saw the young lady
trip, up the marble steps of a palace of a
house and disappear within its rosewood en.
trance. Fur a full minute he stood looking
at the door, and then with a wonderful big
sigh turned away, disposed of his drawbridge,
and weeded his way beak to his ship.
The next day be was astonished with an
order of promotion from the captain. Poor
Jack was speechless with amazement, be had
not dreamed of being exalted to`the dignity
of a second mate's office on board one of the
most splendid ships that sailed out of the
port of New Orleans. He knew be was com
petent, for instead of spending his money for
amusements, visiting theatres sod bowling al
leys. on his return from sea, he purchased
books, and became quite a student, .but be
expected years to intervene before his ambi
tious hopes would be real zed.
ills superior officers seemed to look upon
him with considerable leniency,
,and gave
him many a fair opportunity to gather maxi
tine knowledge, and in a year. the handsome
gentlemanly young mate had acquired un
usual favor in - the eyes of the portly com
mander, Captain flume, who had first taken
the smart little black-eyed fellow, with his
neat tarpaulin and tidy bundle, as a cabin
boy.
One tight the young man with ail the oth
er officers. was invited to an entertainment
at the captain's house. • He wont, and to his
astonishment mounted the identical steps that,
two years before, the brightest vision he had
ever seen, passed over—a vision he had nov•
Pr forgotten. Thump, thump ? wcot his brave
..f9Lxi Xxici.e•voca3d.erLt 'M'asm.ll3r TTewsipapear.
heart as he was ushered into the parlor, and
like a sledge-hammer it beat again when Cap
tain Hume brought forward his blue•eyed
daughteran - d — with — a - pleasant senile - , said
'The young lady 'was once indebted to your
kindness for a safe and dry walk home
His eyes were all ablaze, and his brown
cheeks flushed hotly as the noble captain
sauntered away, leaving Grace Hume at his
side. In all that assembly there was not so
handsome a couple as the gallant sailor and
the 'pretty lady.'
It was only a year from that time that the
second mate trod the quarter-deck,' second
only in command, and part owner with the
captain, not only in his vessel, but in the af
fections of his daughter, gentle Grace Hume,
who had always cherished respect, to say
nothing of love for Abe bright eyed sailor,
His homely but earnest act of politeness
toward his child had pleased the captain, and
though the youth knew it not, was the cause
of his first promotion: So that now the old
man has retired from business, Henry Wells
is ca 'lain, and Grace Hume is„-acoording to
polite parlanen, Airs. Capt. Wells. In fact,
the honest sailor Is ono of the richest men in
the Crescent City, and he owes, perhaps, the
greater part of his prosperity to his tact and
politeness in crossing the street.
Religion in Business•
Can we carry our religion into our busi
ness with us? Yesi if we have religion.—
Most people, we fear, have only a superficial
or Sunday religion—a religion for an hour
or t wo in the catenary, but not for the rough
and tumble, the trialF, temptations and busi•
!Erllia
But if there is any department - of life in
which religion should shine forth as the
brightest star' in Heaven, it is in our daily
intercourse with the world, in the banking
house, in the counting room, in the market
place, in the wet k shop, in any and every av
enue of trade 1
In all these our religion should flow as un
interruptedly as the ocean, an ocean of love
an ocean of forbearance, an ocean of kind.
ness, an ocean of forgiveness, of sympathy,
of faith and-trust, an ocean that shall roll
over and obliterate all that is ungenerous, un
charitable and un-Christ like. •
And who can estimate the value or extent
of such influence P What if every banker
and merchant was a Christian What a
.change there would be in our dealings with
our fellow-men What a revolution in the
maxims, of trade now current ! What a pow
er it would be in Christianizing the world I
Oh I dear friends, we who profess to be re
ligious, let us live up to our religion; let it
shine forth In ail our transactions of life; let
us not be ashamed of our high - r birth, or
ashamed to hay , • • , those with
whom we daily associate, that we have a treas.
ure above, as well as below, and that the pu•
rest joy and most perfect-peace is found in
the breast of that man whose heart is stayed
on God
Against such an anchor the trials of busi
ness, its anxieties and cares, disappointments,
and even its heaviest losses, will dash in vain
—for nothing shall be able to Separate us
from that love, or pluck us from a Fathers's
hand i
Thaik God for the evidenco we already
see of religion among our business friends.
,May these few lines. under the blessing of
God be the means of increasing the number.
—Saturday Erening.
Is it 'Vulgar to Work?'
An exchange compl,ins of a numerous
class of persons who have got it into their
heads that it is vulgar to work. The editor
thinks it is a question which should occupy
the thought of our law-givers, our reform•
ers, and all honest men, how this, terrible
growth of idleness, scorn of honest labor may
be corrected. Respect for labor must be in
culcated in the minds of the youog. As we
have said, about half the world endeavors to
live without it; and of those who do work,
it is safe to say that half do so only from ne
cessity, and not from the conviction that
work is honorable and idleness degrading.—
They work merely to live, and strive to win
w3aith that HOMO day they may turn their
backs upon the degradation of labor. There
is no topple of labor. The pulpit, the plat
form, the press, the school, and, above all,
the household, should be made places in
which tha dignity of labor is constantly
taught. Parents should bear in mind that
they who educate a child to idleness educate
ft to crime. Further on, we are told it is
ona of the miseries of our land that the ap
prentice system is dying' out. The few mas
ters who still take apprentices find it dfficult
to obtain them. Buys consider themselves
too fine to learn trades. qlechanie, has a
vulgar sound to the ears of young America
The master mechanic has hardly a response
to his advertisement for bright, capable boys
to learn a trade, which once acquirci, is sure
to afford steady employment and eotufortable
wages; while lawyers' and brokers' offices
'are beseiged by huodreds who must work
for years for a pittanue, with little hopes of .
learning a busine , s on which they can rely
for even a decent support. .
------- .
A BAD Bov . :—ln Saratoga county, New
York, last week a boy, aged 13, did some
thing to displease hie mother, who, after eq.
rooting him, said she would inform his fath
er. of his conduct. Upon this the boy went
and got the Bible, picked a text from which
be said he Wanted his funeral sermon preach
ed, .and telling his mother that she would
never again see hiio, Went out and banged
himself in the bare. His funeral sermon
was preached from the text chosen.
=:Em
Mohammedans say that one hour of jut
tics is worth soventy hours of prayer. 0134
act of charity is worth a century of eloquence.
The true gentleman is always modest.
Be is more ready to obtain the opinions of
others than to parade his own.
The Alps at Dawn.
The dawn was showing pink in the East,
next morning, wheo_we_again_scrarubled throe--
the beech scrub to the point above the lake.
Like an inkblot it lay unruffled, slumbering
sadly. Broad sheets of vapor brooded on
the plain, telling of miasma and fever, of
which we on the mountains, in the pure,
cool air, knew nothing. The Alps were all,
there now—cold, unreal, stretching like a
phantom-line of snowy,peaks, from tbo sharp
peaks of Monte Vim and the Griaols in the
west, to the distant Berme and the Ortler
in the east. Supreme among them towered
Monte Ross—queenly, triumphant, gazing
down in proud pre eminence, as she does
when seen from any point of the plain.—
There is no m3untain like her. Monte
Blanc himself is not so regal , and she seems
to know it, for even the clouds sweep hum
bled around her base, girdling her at most,
but leaving her crown clear and free. Now,
however,,there were no, clouds to be seen in
all the sky. The mountains had a etrange,
anahriven look at if waiting to be blessed.
Among them in the cold gray air, hung a
black arch of shadow—the shadow of the
huge earth, which still concealed the sun.—
Slowly, slowly this dark line sunk lower, till
one by one at last the peaks caught first, a
pale pink flush , then a sudden golden glory
flashed from one to the other as they leaped
joyfully into life.
It is a supreme moment, this first birst of
light and life overthe sleeping world, as one,
can see it only on rare days and in rare places
like the Monte Generoso. The earth— e
nough of it at least, for us to picture to our
selves-tie table—Rs at our ; and we
feel as the Savior might have felt when,
from the top of that high mountain, he be
held the kingdoms of the world and all the
glory of them. Strangely and solemnly may
we imaging to our fancy the lives that are
being lived down in those cities of the plain;
how many are waking this. very moment to
toll_aud a painful weariness, to sorrow, or to
„
while we upon our mountain buttress, sus
pended in mid-heaven, andfor a while remov
ed from daily cares, are drinking in the beau
ty of the world that God has made so fair
and wonderful.— Cornhill .Magazine.
Half Educated.
The following sensible remarks we find
in the Salt Lake Tribune:
The last thing which men and -women think
of loarninc , is bow to meet the various dis
eases to which they are lijilde every hour.
Men and women ate started out into life
without the slighest knowledge of what to do
whoa they are sick They are,taught bow
to talk and write, to make money, but never
how to preserve their lives so that they may
have a chance to talk, write and make money.
It ought to be a part of every boy's and
girls accomplishment, taught in every school,
to know how to eure colds, coughs, fevers,
how to heal wounds, how to neutralize poi
sans—in a word,how to keep themselves alive;
for of what use are acoontplishmeots if one
dees not live to enjly them? And yet such
is the folly of the world that men and wo•
men, all of us in fact, find ourselves as help-
less as babes when sickness comes upon us or
any dear to us One of the great results of
the coming age will be to meet this difficulty;
and the day will yet come when any persons,
and especially any of the mothers of the race,
who are not prepared to doctor themselves
and those of their own house in any ordinary
sick nese, will be looked upon as halt educated
May that time come quickly.
Life Thoughts•
Encouragement after correction, is like
sunshine after a shower.
Godliness has the promise of, and secures
the blessings of both worlds•
A. man may have much of the world and
yet not be much of a man.
Those who never retracet, love themselves
bettor than the truth.
flail the truth may be a lie, in the absence
of the other half.
Pride hides a man's faults from himself
and magnifies them to others.
Your' character cannot be essentially in
jured except by your own acts.
Always bear in mind that your example
will speak louder than your tongue.
Boyead all credulity is the credulousness
of the atheist, who believes that chance could
make a world when it cannot build a barn.
Be not proud of riches but afraid of them,
lest they be a silver
_bar to cross the way to
heaven. You must answer for riches, but
riches cannot answer for you.
There is bidden thunder in the stores of
heaven ready to burst with burning wrath,
and blast the matt who owes his greatness
to the,ruin of his neighbor.
One of the hours in .caoh day wasted on
trifles or in indolence, saved and daily de
voted to inprovement :is enough to wake an
ignorant man wise in ten years.
The shadows of the mod are like those of
the body. In the morning of life, they' lie
behind.us; at noon we trample them under
foot, and in the evening tbey stretch long
and deepening before us. •
Sir Win. 13---, being at a parish meet•
ing a►ade some proposals, which were objec.
ted to by a farmer. Highly enraged, 'sir,'
says he to the farmer, 'do you know, sir, that
I have been at two universities, and at two
colleges in each, university ?' 'Well, sir,'
said the farmer,-what of that. I had a calf
that sucked two eons, and the observation I
made was, the more he sacked the greater
calf he grew.
Your honor, be's gone.'
‘Gone ! gone said the judge,. lurbeie it
ha gone r
A lady in Oshkosh amused, herself, furl i 'That cannot inform you,' replied the
church on Sunday, by counting tho di ff erent communicative gentleman, 'hot he's dead.'
styles of doing up the hair, and foted fifty- Thia is considered the moat guarded au•
One.. — BWer on record.
Is He Fat ?
One of the most remarkable oases of and
den-eu re-of-d isease-was-t bat-of-a-rh eamatier
individual, with which is an amusing ghost
story.
There was a couple of men, in some old
settled part of the country, who were in the
habit of stealing sheep and robbing church
yards of the burial clothes of the dead
There was a public road leading by a meet
ing-house, where there was a graveyard, and
not far off a tavern, Early one moonlight
night, while one of the miscreants was busy
robbing a grave, the other went off to steal a
sheep. The first one having *ticomplished
his business, wrapped a shroud around him,
and took a Eleatic) the meeting house door to
wait for bis companion.
A man on foot passing along the road to
wards the tavern took him to be a ghost, and,
alarmed almost to death, ran as hilt Iti his
feet could carry him to the tavern, which he
reached, out of breath. As soon as be.eould
speak, be declared that he had seen a ghost
robed in white, sitting in the ,churelf door.
Nobody would believe his story, but,ineredn
loos as they were, no one could be found that
had courage enough to go.
At length a man who was so afflicted with
the rheumatism that he could scarcely walk,
declared ha would go if the man would car
ry him there. Ho at once agreed, took him
on his back, and off ihey went. When they
got in sight, sure enough it was as he said !
Wishing to satisfy themselves well, and get
as near a view as possible of his ghostship
in the dim light, they kept venturing nearer
and nearer,
TI
the man wilibe shroud an3ll7d — i him,
took them to be Ma companion with a sheep
on hie back, and asked, in a low tens of
voice— ' I
Als be fat?'
bleetiol with no re
question, raising his voice higher.
'ls he fat ?'
Still no reply.
"" en, in a ve
'ls he fat ?'
This was enough. The man with the oth
er on his back replied—
'let or lean, you may have Wm'
And dropping the invalid he traveled back
to the tavern as fast as hie feet would carry
him. But he had scarcely arrived there,
when along came the invalid, on foot, too I
The sudden fright had cured him of rhea
matism : and from that time forward he was
a cured man.
WOMANLY MODESTY.--Milan loves the
mysterious. A. cloudless sky, the full blown
.se, leaves him unmoved, but one violet
which hides its blushing beauties behind the
bus and the moon• when she emerges from
behind a cloud, are to him sources of inspi
ration and pleasure. Modesty is to merit
what shade is to figure in painting—it gives
it boldness and prominence. Nothing adds
more to female beauty than modesty ; it sheds
around the countenance a halo of light, which
is borrowed from virtue. Botanists bavo giv
en, the rosy hue which tinges the cup of the
white rose the name of 'maiden blush.' This
pure and delicate hue.ia the only paint Chris-
tian virgins , should use; it is the richest or.
Dement. A woman without modesty is like
a faded flower diffusing an unwholesome odor,
which the prudent gardener will throw from
him. Iler destiny is melancholy, for it ter.
minates in shame ..and repentance. Beauty
passes like the flowers of the albo, which
bloom and ate in a few hours; but modesty
gives the female charms which supply the
place of the transitory freshness of youth.
A LIVELY TINEPIEOE.••--Down in Chester
county, Pa., a clock peddler was tramping a•
long, hot, dusty and tried, when he came to
a mceting•house wherein sundry Friends were
engaged in silent devotion. The peripatetic
tradesman thought be would walk in and
rest himself. He took a seat upon a beach,
doffed his hat, and placed his clocks on the
floor. There was a painful stillness in the
meeting.bouso, presently broken by one of
the clocks, which commenced striking furl.
may. 'The peddler was in agony, but be
hoped every-minute the clock would atop.—
Instead of that, it struck just four hundred
and thirty times, by the actual count of every
Friend in the meeting; .for even the best.
disciplined couldn't help numbering, the
strokes. Thou up rose one of the elder
Friends,,, and the end of the four hundred
and thirtieth stroke, and said—
'Friend, as it is so very late, perhaps thee
had better proceed on thy_journey, or thee
will not reach thy destination, unless thee is
as energetic as thy vehement timepiece.'
GAINED fits Caw —A farmer out down
a tree which stood so near the'boundary line
of his farm that it was doubtful whether- it
belonged to
-hint or :to: hie neighbor. ,The
neighbor, however, claimed the tree, sad
prosecuted the man who cut' it for damages.
The ease was committed from 'court to court.
Time was wasted, temper soured, and.temper
lost ; but the ease was finally gained .; by the
prosecutor. The last my friend know of . the
transaction was, the man who . ' gained - the
case' came to tbo lawyer's officie to anomie a
deed of his whole farm, lOW/ be had-been
compelled to sell to pay his coats ! Then,
houseless and homeless, he could thrust his
hands into his pookets, and ititunphintly ex
claim, 'rye beat him. "
VERY GUARDER.-40 ono of the courts
lately, a man who was , called on to appear as
ss a witness could not be found,' 'On the
judge asking where he was, a grave; elderly
gentleman rose up, and with molt emphasis,
said—
SO.®® raw 'Y ear
`Who did ,That?}
The Pittsburg mail tells this butter - story:
-44 firth itr -- city - th ere is — a — private
house which is a kind of rendezvous for
young men. Some time ago the landlady
made a purchase of butter. Among the lot
was a lump rather aged. It was put on the
tables, but no ono there took butter. -The
nest day it was put on another table. Sir
it Was passed around unmolested, and at the
end of the week the landlady was puzzled
to know what to do with it. It cost too much
to be thrown away, so she' took it and pad.
tiled it over into another shape, making it
more round, and in ao respect similar to its
former appearance. It appolred in its bran
new dress at dinner that day but met with
the same cold reception. Around it went
day by day. from one Wile to !mother,
One day a don't care jolly fellow, always
ready and eager for some mischief, %%tolled
his opportunity, and when the landlady hap.
pened to step out of the dinning-room for a
moment, he took the big ball of butter,whioh
was soft enough to hold it together, and
threw it against the ceiling where it stuck
ia•a kind of hemisphere. The landlady en•
tared just a moment later, and her attention
was immediately attracted to the unusal
nation of the butter, by the giglivg and tit.
tering of the boarders. Who did that?' she
screamed, in a terrible rage. She repeated
her wrathy question several times without an
answer, when the fellow who had done the
mischief looked slyly up at the greasy sub.
stance, and said, speak, butter, you're old
enough to talk for yourself."
BlTtrat - Ttlt was go
hog through the Atherreura, during Bowe ex
hibition, be was attracted by a beautiful pie•
tura of the Crucifixion, and was much struck
by it, inquiring of his oompaoion the story
of it about which be had never_beard. Ile
was much incensed thereat, and treasure
in his mind..
Going through North street, next day,
w ero lblsvelve tribes dl oongiegate, he
was button holed and held by a member of
them, who importuned him to 'come and buy
something.
'What are you 7' said Hardtiff 'are you
a Jew ?'
II am a Ishrtrelite; was the reply.
'Then take 'that, giving him at the acme
time a rap on the nose
Tat Jou do that for ?' said Moses, rob
bing his proboscis; 'I never sold you no
elo'as'
'No, but you were ono of them that nailed
that man to the cross, confound you'
'Me i I no do him; dat was done two tons
and years ago.'
'Well, I don't care anything about that,'
said Elardriff , 'I never heard of it till yes
terday.'
SLAB'S SAYINGS —Seed corn of life--be•
Motto of the world : be sharp, or be skin•
nod.
There is no shady side to the pathway of
duty.
There is but one short step between'tight=
°oneness and self-righteousness—and hoar
many take it ?
A eat shows two peculiarities in the man.
agement of her feet that I envy :
Ist. ' She knows bow •to come down on
them after 'going up,' and
2(1. She can always tell when to keep
them in out of the wet.
Gray, the celebrated poet, greatly dreaded
fire, and kept a ladder . of rope in his bed•
room, so that ho might the more readily es
cape should the house take fire at night.
Some mischievous young men at Cambridge
knowing this, roused him in the middle of a
dark night with the cry of Fire 1 Up wept
the window, and down came Gray on his
rope ladder as fast as he could, plump in a
tub of water, which was placed there to re
ceive him.
A talented young African of the boot black
persuasion observed a neighbor peering wiao•
ly over a newspaper, whereupon he address.
ed bim thus: `Julius,', what you lookin at
dat taper for? You can't read: 'Go way
fellahoried the other, iotlignantly; 'guess I
can read—l's big enough for dat. 'Big e•
cough,' retorted the other scornfully, 'dat
ain't Duffle. A cow's big nuff to ketch a
voice, but she can't.'
Mrs. Partington has been sick, and being
inspired, expressed her feelings in the
lowing language.' La, me! here I have been
int:faring the bigamies of beath for three
weeks. First. I was seized with a bleeding
perenology in the left hempshire of the brain.
which was exceeded by a stoppage of the left
ventilator of the heart. This gave me an in•
flammation of the borax, and now I'm sick
with'tbe chloroform morbus. There's no bloc.
sing like that of health, particularly when
you're skit.
TUE RESULT.—A party of respectable
Chicago ladies have formed a society for re.
claiming young men, and they go about thu
streets at night and pick up young men who
show, signs of dissipation, invite them ro
their houses, and treat them to ice cream,
Chicken salad, etc.,
and then let them g
home sober.' As the result, it is reported
that half the politic.p men in town lie around
the streets at i nigh t to be taken in.
" citennt'oonoeire, my dear,
what's the
matter with my watch; tbiolcit must want
oleaning.l!•was the exclamation of an iodui.
gent husband to his better half, the other
day:
•No, pa,' said his petted little daughter, 'I
know it don't want cleaving. - because baby
and I washed it in the basin ever so long ,
this morning.
A woman's heats is like a fiddle; Itra ,
quires a bow to play apon,ll. -, ,
MBERIO
ER