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33y 117 P. 331a11r.
VOLUME. XXIII.
MEXICAN RO W!
W. A. REID
Tr AB received a frost' stock of goods, and is al
lame t daily making addition to his stock. He
has
P UllE SPICES,
Prime Rio Coffee, Brownell Coffee,
Brown and Crushed sugar, Loaf sugar,
Powdered White Sugar, Carolina Rice, 111
Nyrups, superior in quality and low in price, go
P. Rico and N. Orleans Molasses,
Corn Starch. Chocolate. sweet do., _ •
_Pickles,Catstra;ll+tr.s - oltetel
aA. Salt, me ,
Sugar cured Han's.
Call and examine. No trouble to show goods
I offer the above at reduced prices, notwithstand•
ing they are on the "rise" in the East.
Cove (WATERS in 1 and lib, cans, always on
band, sold by tire can or duz at. lie warrants them
good.
Wb.nt you go to Pic-nies, or to the mountain,
come where you get good oysters and crackers,
cheese &c.
FRUIT AND CONFECTIONERY.— • Layer
Raisins, French Currants, Candies, Oranges, Lem
ons, Dates, Citron, Prunes, Apples, nuts of several
FOR B %KING AND 1(•D fiRE A M.—We have
anal-arrtl-pure-e
Strqwherry; essences of Lemon. Cinnamon, &c.
Get the Jng. Soda for making Biscuit.
t; LA SS W A 11E,=LoDt_aLour-eheap gobletsvlish
es, castors, tumblers; fl *sks. molasses cans, lamps
chimneys, &c. We have the hest and cheapest in
QUEENSWARE.—An unrivaled assortment,
full stock, lower in rice than ever. Tea sets, cups
and saucers, meat pi 'tea. soup do., Tea, Dinner, ani
breakfast do. • We have me reel granite, no &cep.
ttun in theMitality.
We have the common ware, new stock.
HOUSEKEEPERS
Are invited to look at our knives and forks, butcher
knives, large EpuMlP, common albata and sliver
plated tea and table spoons, clothes baskets, buckets
—tubs,-market baskets, school do.
NOTIONS.—ToiIet Soaps. perfumery, combs,
pocket books, peaeilb ink cap letter end note paper
eulierior
Liesi lierwene Oil,
ap, _
• Harlow's 131ue Indigo, .
Wick Yarn,
Dainties many useful articles always on hand:-
Country prothice and "greenbacks" taken in
- -exchange far vo l ts. H m hinkful f'r past pa
tronage and soiicit u con , inuation of thi same at
the FAMILY taiOCERY store.
Waynesboro', Juno 2, 1870
SECOND ARRIVAL!
RECENTLY OPENED BY
PRICE & NERBOII,
A Nrge agsortment of very cheap goods,
I nuglit iit the lite decline in pricer, and consequent
ly', will he eel f correspondingly low. The price of
nll k hale of goods hu.ing I lecialed in the Bas - tern
Tlarkets, the mhscrilicrs assure their friends that
they eun edit!r than superior imluceutents this Fed
bull. With .1 lags stink to select from, cud p i ke s
and qualities to l le.ree, they invite ull w c•rrnn uud
see nod judge tar Ineinstives.
For ile.irat,is styl,. of gouus and durai•ility of ft
brie they pay particular 'mention, so that their cus
tom, rs ern, ulorilys rely on getting the worth ut their
ruunt•y in purchasing Loin than.
LOCK AT THIS
_AIL IfSR_ MIL _AL_ 1117
of articles and see,if you are not in want of some
herein specified
Light arid Black Alpaca:Au,
iliirriazikius,
Ginghams,
Pthits,
Checks,
Cuttonades,
Denims,
Charuhrg,
t-hirtings,
Diapers,
Crash,
Napkins,
Towels,
hoop Skirts direct from the manufisoturers,
Arabs—a beautiful wrapping,
Pilule at 6,6, 10, 123.,
Hosiery and Urluves,
Feathers by ti.e pound,
Ud Cloths for Table. btand and Floor.
'tubs, Churns and thickets,
Boxes, Kegs and Kee airs.
Win tow Wattles anal fixtures,
Cheese—a good article,
Mackerel iu I, and whole 'Barrels,
Cottonades—a tine assortment,
Dt
Minima Lustre,
Lamm,
Gaughan's,
Chiutzes,
Poptisid,
Tutuertines,
Brame,
OPeicales
Leather Mitts far garden making, Hoes, Spades
and Rakes, Shovels, Forks and Bruuma, Pukina,
Jenne, Nrmine tfluths.
juno
OLD IRON WANTED.
Tile highest crab price will be paid for
Cast Iron .sczoitsdelivorctl et tho works of Abu
Ve tf GEISER X. CO.
4 lin
1 , 11
CO
A few short years from now ?
The flowers that now in beauty spring.
: - . ghost-years,from-now=.
The lofty brew,
The heart that beats
So gaily now 1
0, where will be Love's beaming' eye ;
Joy's pleasant smiles, and. Sorrow's sigh.;
A few short years from now ?
Who'll press for gold this crowded etre ,
Who'll tread Jon church with willing feet,
A few short yoars from now "!
Pale, trembling age,
And fiery yoUth,
And childhood, with
Its" brow of truth—
The rich, the poor, on land end sea
Where'will - tbe mi;hty millions be
A few short years from now 7
Vt - e - all - within - our
A few shod years frominow !
No living soul for us will wee ,
While other . birds wi!l sing as,gay,
As bright the eunshitte as tonlay,!
A few short years from now!
~~~~ ~~ _ ~ .4. ~~
A young Jonathan once courted the daugh
ter of an old man that lived 'down east,' who
professed to be deficient in hearing, but, 'for
south, who was more captious thsti_liiiiitcd_i
• = • araingras-the-Seqn - el - will - sho w.
Vim a stormy eight in the Ides of March
if I mistake not, when lightning met light
ning and loud hoarse peals of thunder_
answered thunder, that Jonathan Eat by
- 1117:rard - nii - M's - fireside - diienssing with ih - e - ad •
lady (his intended mother-in-law) on the ex•
pedienoy of asking the old man's pertuissinnl
to marry 'Sal.' Jonathan resolved to 'pop it'
to tlie - old man the next day; 'but,' said he,
'as I think on the task my heart shrinks:—
To be brief, night passed, and by the dawn
of another day the ofd manwas to be found
in the barn lot feeding his pigs Jonathan
rose from bed early in the morning, spied the
old man feeding his pigs and resolved to ask
him for Sal.
W. A. ItEli/.
Scarce had, a minute elapsed, after Jona.
than made his last-resolution,ere-lte-bid-the
old man 'good morning' Now Jonathan's
heart boat—now le scratched his hoad, and
ever and anon gave birth to a pensive yawn.
Jonathan declared he'd as lief take thirty
nine '.tripes' as to ask the old wan, 'but,'
said he aloud to himself, 'however, here goes
it,' a 'faint heart never won a fair gal,' and
he addressed the old man thus,—
'1 say, old wan, I want to marry your
dAughter.'
'You want to borrow my halter. I would
loan it to you, Jonathan, but my eon has ta
ken it and gone Off to the
Jociathan, putting his mouth close to the
old man's ear, and speakiag in a deafening
voice : "I've got five hundred pound of
money.
Old man stepped back as if greatly alarm
ed, and exclaimed in a voice of surprise,.Y . Ull
have gut five hundred pounds of honey.—
What in the mischief can you do with so
touch hooey, Jonathan ? Why, it is more
than all the neighborhood has use fur.'
Jonathan, not y-t the victim of despair,
putting his mouth to the old war.'s ear,
brawled out, 'l've got•gold '
Old Muu—'So h - ave . I, Jodathan, and it's
the worst cold 'I ever bad iu tuyJo.' So
saying he sneezed u •wash up.'
By this time the old lady came up and
having observed Joauthati's uulortutiate luck,
she put , her mouth close to the old luau's ear
and screamed like a wouuded Yahoo.
'Daddy, I say, d.ddy, you don't under
ntand, be wants to marry your daugbter.'
o.d Mati--`.l. told him our oulf halter was
gone '
Old Lady--'Why, daddy, yon can't un
stand )
• he's got gold, he's rich 1'
Old Man—'lie's got a cold'aud the itch,
eh 1 Sti saying, the.old wan struck at Jona.
than, with his walking cane, but happily for
Jonathan he dodged it. Nor did the rage
of the old wan atop at this, but with angry
countenance he made after Jonathan, who
took to his heels, nor did Jonathan's luck
stop here, he had not got far from the barn
lard, nor far from the old wan, for he run
him a close race, ere Jonathan stumped his
toe and fell to the mound, and before the
old man could 'take up,' be stunibled over
Jonathan, and tell sprawling into a mud-hole.
Jonathan sprung to his heels, and with the
speed of John Gilpin eh: .red hiwself. And
poor Sal, she died a nun. .Never had any
husband.
A wan in Springfield, Ill„ bet two ladies
a new dress each that they couldn't retrain
front talking two; hours. One of them held
on! for an hour and ten n.lioures, and the
other won the dress. They made it up ou
him when the time had expired.
'My friend, have you• confidence enough
in we to lend we ten (Johan 1 1 "1.; have
plenty of 002flif.1100, but no ton dollars.' \
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTI, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAY MORNI
.1PC11111TIC)4tLIA.
The rosy lip
rives - shall sle
yoirp. trona now
_!_
thet_m
t ur s will U ,
And uthtrs then
Our 11/331't 6 will fill ;
HARD OF HEARING._
dit,.xL Xn.cloisers clemat r-‘ii.me,lly - 7.).3",e)wsa,Etro'tD3v.
An Illinois Farmer
The following bight4interesting'statisties
of the immense farms of Mr. John T. Alex
ander, the great farmer and stock dealer of
Morgan county, have:been• prepared „with
touch care, and can be relied upon as sub
stantially correct in every respect :
Number of acres of improvad jands,onihis
farms, 34,000 ; number of acres tof
proved lands, 300. Total number of acres
of land, 34 300 Aggregate value of lands,
$1,685 000. Value of implements in use
upon hie farms, 350,000 Amount• paid for
wnes-duriortfre - rtasry - eir tirhands etuplo • •
ed on his farms, 816 00_0 Number_oLlive
stock on his f artus-99 Mules, 50 cows, 150
horses, 200 oxen, and 7,000 other mink;
hoes, 700. Total value of live stock, $536,-
900. • Pruduct of his farms in 1869—Corn,
277,500 bushels; wheat 7,000 buihels ; oats,
8,000 bushels., rye, 2,000 bushels ;lpotatoes,
1,000 bushels , hay, 3,000 tons. Value of
animals sold on his: farm iduringl.the;ipast
year, $493,400.
,qtr. Alexandera it as one:ofnear
B,ooo,acres in Morgan county, twelve t miles
east of Jacksonville, upon which lie resides,
and the other, of about 27,000! acres, in
Champaign county, In addition to'
llls_vaat_ business as a farmer,--Mr,-A lexander
buys, ships and F o als, as denier, over 50,000
bead of cattle annually.— Decalar,:(lll), Re
publican.
SomErtmE.—The following is one of Mr.,.
3 rentiesib little waif •, so many of—w-hich_up--
peared in the Louisville Journal in its palls•
lest days: •
Sometime—lt is a sweet, sweet song, war
bled to at.d Iro . nmeng the topmost boughs of
the heart, sod filling the whole sir with suite
joy and gladness as the songs of birds do
when the summer morning comes out of dark
ness, and day is born on the mountains We
have all our possessions in the future which
we call`‘sontetinte: • Beautiful flowers and
singing birds are there, only our hands sel
dom grasp_ the one. or our ears boar the oth
er. .But, oh reader, be of 'good cheer, for
all the good there is, is a golden 'sometime;'
when the hills and valleys of time are all
passed; when the wear and fever, the disap
pointment and the sorrow of life are over,
thou there is the place and the rest appoint
ed of God. Oh,-bomestead, over whose roof
fall no shadows or even cra — ded over
whose threshold_the voice of sorrow is never
heard , built nfon the eternal hills, and stand
ing with thy spires tend pinnacles of celestial
beauty among the palm trees of the city on
high, those who love- God shall rest under
thy shadows, where there is no more sorrow
nor pain, nor the sound of weeping, 'some.
amt." --------
TIIE-GREATEST MEN —l3.leohOr says :
Aaron Herr was a keener thinker than Geo.
Washington. He was a wore ingenious man,
a far more active man , and if he had been
a moral man, and had maintained moral re
lations with himself, with his follow men,
and with the laws of rectitude, be would have
been an abler man. Washington was a man
of good sense, but he was not a' wan of go
nius in ony direction er.cept 'hut of con
science. lie was a man of singular equity,
of great disinterestedness, and of pure and
upright intent Sagacious he was, by the
light which comas from integrity. lie en
dured, having faith to believe that right was
right; that right-was safe, and that right in
the end would prevail, That which wade
Washington the only great hero of our revo
lutionary struggle was the light of the mor
al element in him—not any intellectual genius
which he possessed; not any rare fact in
.ad
ministration, nor any remarkable executive
power. And if you look back upon those
names in our history that have stood the test,
you will find that they have been men who
were fruitful in the highest moral elements.
And as time goes on, those men who lack
these elements sink lower and lower, while
the others rise till they reach the meridian.
BEAUTIFUL AND Titue.—The late cmi•
neat Judge, .Sir Allan% Park, once said at
a public meeting iu Lou on, 'We live in the
midst of blessiugs till we are utterly insensi
ble to their greatuess, and of the scarce from
whence they flow. We speak of our
.civili
zation, our arts, our freedom, our laws, and
forget entirely how large a portion is due to
Christianity. Diet Christiquity out of the
page of a tuan's history, and what would his
laws have been—what his eiviFzitioca—
Christi:laity is mixed up with our very be
ing and our daily life, there is not a familiar
object around us which does not wear a dif
ferent aspect because the light of Christian
love is on it—not a law which does nut owe
its truth and gentleness to Christianity—not
a custom which cannot be traced, in all its
holy, healthful parts to the Goepel.'
INDIANA JUSTICE.—Not long ago Penn
township, in the eouuty of St. Joseph. In
diana, was thought bg the citizens of the
eastern part of the town to be rather large,
and their voting place too distant. Ae
eurdingly a petition to divide the township
Was successful. An election was held in
the small village of o—, and old W.' WB4
elected justice of the peace. As there were
no triald to attend for some time, the buys
got impatient for one, and thinking to have
Some fun with Old W. got up a sham fight.
Cue party of the belligerents caused the ar
rest of the other, and the affair came to trial.
Ju4tiee W. presided sad appeared very grave,
as became his office. After several witeee.
sea bad been examined, the justice anuouno
ed as his declaim that seven of the do
readmits should be fined 610 each, Then
the'hoye laughed, - trod informed him -tbut
they were only in fun. 'lun, eh ? You
may have been fn fun, but I'll be smashed
if lam : Every man of you must pay the
fine, or go to jail!' The hoya didn't up.
predate the fun when they •had to 'pony
up.'
A Thrilling Reminiscence. • How some things are:Done.
One of the most thrilling rensioiscenees A queer ease was that of a physician of
of the annals of the American Revolution is Hartford, Coen., who, on going to the opera
recorded of General Peter Muhleoherg, whose with a friend, was cautioued-at_the-tiolibt--
ashes repbse in the, buryingground of the office- to look out for pick_pockete._He
old Trappe church, Montgomery county, clasped his hand on his watch, a valuable
Pennsylvania. When the war broke out, one, engraved with his name, and the mune
Muhlenberg was the rector of a Protestant of the society or friend who gave it to him.
Episcopal church, in Dunmore county, Vir- It was there all tight, and he made sure of
giuia. On a Sunday morning he administer- keeping his hand on it through the perfoi m
od the communion of the Lord's Supper to ante of the opera. On cowing wit, what
his charge, stating that in the afternoon of i was his astonishment to find his watch gone!
that day he would preach a sermon on 'The It had been taken io spite of his watchful.
ditties_meto_tbeir_country."—A t-the-ness.—Reflecting-th at-a-witeti-tio-7ergra ved
appointed time the building was crowded could not well ba disposed of easily even in
with., listeners. •The discourse was founded New York, he adve_rtised_kis_loss-in-t .
upon the text from Solomon : 'There is a
time for every purpose and for every work.'
The sermon burned with a patriotic fire ;
every sentence and intonation told the speak
er's deep earnestness in what he was saying.
Pausing a moment at the close of his dis•
course lie repeated the words of his text and
in tones of thunder exelaimed • The time
to preach is past : the time to fight has
come!' and suiting the action to ihe 'word,
lie threw from his shoulders his Episnopal
robes and stood before his congregation ar
rayed in a military uniform. Drumming for
-recruits-commenced-on-the-spot, and it is
said that almost every male of suitable age in
the house , enlisted forthwith.
POETRY.—Prentioe thus eloquently an
swore the questiou,- , What is Poetry 1'
the things of eternity ! It lives in all crea•
in _
every object
that surrounds him. There is poetry in the
gentle influence of love end affection, in the
quiet breedings of the soul over the memo
ries of early years, and in the thoughts of
that glory which chains our spirits to the
gates of Paradise There is poetry, in the
harmonies of Nature. It glitters in the
wave, the rainbow, the lightning, and the
star, its cadence is heard iu the thunder and
the cataracts; its softer tones go up from
the thousand voice harps of the wind, and
rivulet, and forest; and the cloud and sky
go floating over us, to the music of its melo
dies. There's not a moonlight-rey . that comes
down upon the stream or hill . ; not a breeze
calling from its blue' air throne to the birds
of the summer valleys, or sounding _ through
midiiight rains, its low and mournful dirge
over th_e_perishiog flowers of spring; not a
cloud bathing itself like an angel vision, in
the rosy blushes of autumn twilight, nor a
rock, glowing in the yellow starlight, as if
dreaming - of Eden land, but - is full of the
beautiful influence of poetry. It is the soul
of being. The earth and Heaven ere quick
cued by its spirit; and the heavings of the
teat- dehp-,-in - tem pest and - in calm, are but
its accent and mysterious workings.'
A PLEA FOR LITTLE FOLKS.---llen't ex
poet too much of thorn ; it has taken forty
years, it may he, to make you what you are,
with all the lessons of experience. Above
ail don't expect judgement in a child, or pa
tience under trials. Sympathize in their
mistakes and' troubles, don't ridicule them
Remember not to measure a child's trials by
your standard. 'As one whom hie mother
cotuforteth,' says the inspired writer, and
boantifully does he convey to us that deep,
faithful love which ought to be found in ev,
cry woman's heart, the unfailing sympathy
with all her children's grief's.
Let the memories of their childhood be as
bright as you can make them. Grant them
every innocent pleasure in your power. We
have often felt our temper rise to see how
carelessly their little plans are thwarted by
older persons, when a little trouble. on their
part would have given the child pleasure,
the memory of which would last a lifetime.
Lastly, don't think a child a hopeless case
because it betrays some very bad habits
Sympathize with them, that sympathy may
rtreogthen and invigorate them to bear with
firmness the trials they meet.—Exchange.
SKILLFUL MANAGEMENT SECURES SUC
CESS.—Success in all branches of business,
to a great extent, depends on the practical
knowledge of those who have charge of •the
management and details of the business.—
Any business directed and managed by un
skillful men, is a game of chance, with more
probability of losing than winning.
The laboriog, Luau, the farmer, the tneehan-
ic, the minister , lawyer, the physician,
the banker, the merchant, the manufacturer,
the politician and statesman, must under.
stand the business engaged in, or incur the
probability of failure and disappointment.—
Nine tenths of the failures in all branches
of business, result from a want 'of skill, and
in ninety.nine cases out of every hundred,
where success is attained, it can be directly
or indirectly attributed to skillful care and
intelligent management.
This being the•case men should study and
understand the business they follow, unless
they are anxious for failure and disappoint
ment. They should follow the business they
dre best qualified to be successful in, and
not waste time changing from one to another,
or following that which t h e under
stand. It is better to be a successful me
chanic or laborer, than to be an uusucoess•
ful prince or statesman.
GETTING A HANDLE.—A dignified and
consequential officer of the 31drine Corps
was passiug up Chestnut street, when he was
accosted by a brother officer, who, touohing
hiw familiarly on the . shoulder, said, 'Well,
Broom, how arc you ?' gliliteuso me,' was
the haughty reply, .1 wish• you would re
member that there is a haatilo to my name!
—yes—certainly. Lbw are you, Broom
handle ?'
FAST WORK —A smirrt minister in Tole
do, within ten months, married a couple,
baptized their first child, preached the hus
band's funeral sermon, and married the
widow. ,
TG, SEPTEMBER 15, 1870.
next morning's papers, and added that a re•
ward (we believe $100) would •be paid for
its recovery, and 'no questions asked.'
Before noon the hell rang, and a very ele.
gant dressed man, in appearance, a perfect
gentleman, inquired for the advertiser of a
lost watch.
'ila_v_e_yau_got_itiLaske&-the-iioctur-quie
ly.
have,' cooly retort:m(l the strauger, 'here
is is. I claim the reward'
Tiers is the money,' said the doctor, and
now I want to ask—'
'O, but you said — there %WO - a
questions," answered the mustache
/True,' said the doctor, 'hut I only want
to know how under, heaven you got that
watch, When I kept my baud on it all the
time .1'
4 A - re - you sure - yol
it all the time
ke-pt your hatti_ovar—
'Yee,. positive,'
'Now la me refresh your memory. Don't
you remember at one interesting stage per,
formulae, there was a fly lit on . your ear, and
you raised your hand to brush it off?'
'Yes, it is a feet,' said the doctor, do
remember that.'
'Well, sir,' said the brilliant stranger,
tat was the time you lost your watch
tickled the top of your ear with a straw, and
you brushed off the supposed fly, and didn't
notice when your hand wont back, that your
watch was no longer there. .Good morning ;
sir.'
ABOUT MARRYING TOO YOUNG.—Ire.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton says :—.Girls d.) not
reach their maturity until twee* , five, yet at
sixteen they are wives and mothers all over
the land, robbed of all the rights and free•
dom of childhood in marriage, crippled in
growth and development;, the vital forces
needed to build up a vigorous and healthy
woman 0b are sappidi -- ITni — iiiii?erted from
their legitimato channels in the premature
office of reproduction.
When the body is overtaxed, the mind
losses its tone and settles down in a gloomy
discontent that enfeebles the whole moral be•
ing. The feeble mother brings fotth—feeble
eons, the sad mother those with morbid ap•
petitee. The constant demand of stimulants
among men is the result of the morbid eon.
ditions of their mothers. Healthy, happy,
vigorous womanhood would do more for the
cause of temperance than any prohibitory or
licence laws possibly can. When woman, by
the observance of the laws of life and health
is restored to her normal condition, materni.
ty will not be a pergod of weakoess, but of
added power. With that, high preparation
of body and soul 'to which I have referred,
men and women .of sound mind and body,
drawn together by true sentunents of affee.
tion might calculate with certainty on a hap.
py home, with healthy children gathering
round the fireside?
A Clergyman who had remarkable faith in
Watts' hymnbook, said he could never•open
to any page without finding a hymn entirely
appropriate to the occasion.
A boy of hie thought be would teat his
father's faith, and taking that old song,
'Old Grimes is dead,' pasted it in one of the
pages of the book over one of the hymns,
and did it so nicely that it could not eabily
be detected. .
The minister took the hymn-book to °larch
on Sabbath morning, and happened to open
that very page and commenced to read .
"Old Grimes it 3 dead."
There was a sensation in the audience.—
He looked at the choir and they looked at
him, out ha had ,this unbounded faith in
Watts' hymns and he undertook it again,
commencing with the same line.
There was another sensation in the andi.
once. Looking at it again and (ben at the
congregation and then at the choir, he said:
'Brethren, it is here in the regular order
in Watts' hymn-book, and we will sing it,
anyhow.'
NousTaY.—Men must have occupation
or be miserable. Toil is the price of sleep
and appetite, of health and enjoyment. The
very necessity which overcomes our natural
sloth is a blessing. The whole world does
not contain a brier or thorn which Divine
moray could have spared. We are happier
with the sterility, whioh we can overcome by
industry, than we could have been with spoil.
taueous plenty and unbounded •prolusion.—
The.body and the mind are improved by the
toil that fatigues them. The toil is a thou
sand times rewarded by the pleasures whioh
it bestows. Its enjoyments 4re peculiar. No
wealth can purchase them—no indolence can
waste them. They flow only from the exer
tions whioh repay.
The editor of the. Marietta (Ohio) Sun,
is resolved discretely to avoid controversy on
the woman question. Here is his diplomatic
platform : : -•
I. If a woman is dispoßea to argue with
us in favor of woman's suffrage, we are in
favor of it also
11. If tno lady happens to be against it,
we are against it likewise.
111. If it is a mixed assemblage of la.
dies, one or more on snob side, they .may
have it out among thetuselves—we holding
the bonnets.
Sa•C/0 it ll lo3r "St aetiii
Hero is the beet bed bug story aow afloat:
'Talk about bed , bugs,' said Bill Jones,
who , had been across the plaint., 'you should
have seen sows of the critters I met in Idaho
last spring. I stopped one night with some
settlers, who lived in a loft. When it oaths
to go to bed, they strange blanket across the_
middle of the room, and the settler's family
slept on one side of fit and gave .me, the
other.
I laid down to go to sleep, and the bed
bugs began to gather like lunch fiends around
a free slay out.' r tried to kiver up and
-keep-awaytom thentr-but—the—pesky — var=
mints would catch hold of the bed olothes
and_pull thew off from me. They didn't
think nothing of dragging me around , the
room if I held on. 1 fit 'em tut
night, and then I looked around !or some
way of escape.
There was a ladder reaehin' up into the
loft, and I thought the beet way to get away
from the blood•snekors was to oliwb up,thar,
id___There_wasult-an-y-bugs-i o-t e-1 oft,—
_aufWaid-dowo-eougratnhrtio' myself en my
escape. Pretty soon I heard the ladder
squeakin' as if soruebady was coming up.—
liimeby I saw a bed-bug raise himself up
through the hole in the floor, . lookin' core
-fally-a-rutiiTd-thl-Thifts ba saw:sao he
Motioned to his chums, the blood-thirsty
cuss, and cried eaultitely ; Come up boys;
he'B here.'_
bo 'oo
A couple of the sons of the Green Isle in
on versatiorrabo
street, Philadelphia, soon developed which
side they were co. The following is a por-
tion of their chat:
Pat.—'Well, Mike, have you heard the
news?'
Mike —Tula, I. have, but d
I balave it !'
Pat.- 4 1)1o, nor I aither ; divil s word of
truth is het.'
Mike.-11 such was the ease there would
be no standing those sour-krout eters.'
Pat.— 'No, be labers; they would be worse
than 'the bloody nagurs.'
A young man in the habit of staying oat
late, was reprimanded severely and often by
his lather. At the same time he was invent
ing excuse alter excuse His , last resort was
to place the numbers 10 . and 11 on each side
of the door, sod when he was asked what
time his - oatne in the night before, he :would
say, bravely, •lietween 10 and 11•'
'A 'Boston gentleman who could„ont waltz,
offered a young lady 000 hundred dollars if
she would lot him hug her as smolt as the
man did who had just waltzed with her. I►,
was a good offer and showed that money was
no object to him, but they put him out of
the house *so striking a way that his eye
was quite blaok.
•Sam, what do you supposols the reason
that the Sun goes toward the Boath io tho
winter r
•Well, 1 don't know, mann, unless he no
ataad do climate ob do norf, and so am 'bilged
to go to de aouf,.where be eperienees warmer
longitude,
A veteran relating his exploits to a crowd
of boys, and mentioned having been. its five
engagements. , That is nothing,' broke in a
little fellow, my sister Sarah's been engage./
eleven times.
4 8amho, why am dat nigger down dar in
e hole of de boat like a chicken in de egg 7'
'I gibs dat up.' Beeattso he couldn't get
i it wasn't for de hatch,' •
e(lrnog lady upon one oocasion, request
lover tha should define love.—
'Well, Sal,' aaid ,'it is to. me, an inert
ittwibility and
_outward alloverialmeas.
-
It is estimated that over one hundred young
ladies are at-iresent studying law •in this
country. Probably they will become moth.
era-in-law one of these days.
'Didn't you guarantee, air; that this horse
would not shy before the fire of the enemy ?'
'No more he won't. , Tisn't till after the
fire that he shies.
'My landlady,' said the map, 'makes her
tea so btroog that it breaks tho cups.' Aod
mine, said soother, makes tier's so weak that
it can't ma out of the pot.
Aa Irish girl hattiog beet) sent to the Post
Office for the mail, came bank to inquire
whether it was Indian or corn wail that was
-wanted.
The Charleston (III.) Courier says a young
lady of that place has . just . oelebrated her
wooden weidiog by marrying a blockhead.
When boxing with a tripod never hit him
in the commissary departcueat. .h always
hurts his teacup.
1t
Oman who lo )es is family will always
take a newspaper d a man who caveats
his family will p for it.
4- Anything to please the obild,' as the
nurse said when ebe lot the baby crawl oaf
at she third story window.
It is better . to bo..l.Ntgbed at because you
are oot married, tbaqPto be uoable so laugh
bt \. 11 ... 9km Ie you are.
If dress makes the man, what does the
tailor make 1' From tea to meaty dollars
prOfit.
Milos lady's piss, who% she is fa,
!eased, Dumber 301. , Hands off.
.Sov i iipusishiog ourselves for being la.
fork larepigkbolv.
Soeigi‘ir;ksl* len ass,' tires they eilfs9l4
jitst tike thkitti:4A worms. •
NrIVIBER IO