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s33r W. 3231a1ab.
kyjmumil XXII.
JUST THE THING
WHICH A MIN HAVE!
-0-
OW is the time to economize when money is
11 scarce. You should study your interest, by
supplying yo(tr wants at the first class store of f 3,
N. BEAVER. North-east corner of the Diamond.
He does business on the only successful method,
•iz: by buying his goods for cash. The old fogy
idea of buying goods at high prices and on long
credits is
EXPLOED.
Call enil examine our fine s
RUINED
by paying 20 per cent, too much for your goods else.,
where. We will chalenge the community to• show
forth a more complete stock of
steed styles and to suit all,.
• C. N. BEAVER'S.
BOOTS, all kinds awl prices,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
SHOES, of every description for Men's, Ladles',
Misses' and Children's wear,
at
' =, a o t.e very
_G. N. BEAVER'S.
CLOCKS, every one warranted anti sold
byC. N. BE 9YER.
TRUNKS, of all sizes, the very best manufacture,
also warranted and soli
by C. N. BEAVER.
VALISES, of every kind, also very cheap,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
HATS, for Ladies, Misses and Children, a fresh
supply received every week and sold
by C.N. BEAVER.
NOTIONS, a full line is follows, sold
by C. N.BEAVER.
PAPER COLLARS, for Men and Boys wear,
the most complete and finest assortment in town,
by C. N. BEAVER.
HOSIERY, of every kith], for sale,
I-y C. N. BE - AVER:
.
GLOVES, for Men and Boys wear,
ac C. N. BEAVER'S.
SUSPENDERS, for Men and Bova wear,
at C N. BEAVER'S,
CANES AND UMBRELLAS, a complete stock
at
N. BEAVER'S,
BROOMS AND BRUSHES, of the very beat
kind, at C. N. BEAVER'S.
TOBACCO, to suit the taste of all,
at C. N. BEAVER'S;
CIGAR'S, which cannot be beat, for
by C. N. BEAVER.
SNUFF, which we chalenge any one to excel in
frailty, for sale
at
C.A. BEAVER'S.
INK and PAPER, of description,every
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
CANDIES, 'always fresh too, for sale,
SPICES, &)y sale
CRACKERS, of every kind,.
al C. N. BEAVER'S
INDIGO BLUE,
at C. N. BEAVER!S.
CONCENTRATED LYE, for sale,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
KEROSENE, of the very Lest,—l'itts,
at C. N: BEAVER'S.
LAMP CHIMNIES also,
Ana many other articles not necessary to mention.
We now hope that you will give us a share of your
patronage. We are indeed, thankful Li you fer past
patronage, and hope a cont;nuance of the same,
and remain pours truly,
CLARENCE N. BEAVER.
, Waynesboro', June 2, 1870.
GROVER & BIKER
FIRST PREMIUM
ELASTIC STITCH
FAMILY
SEWING MACHINES,
495 Broadway, New York
730 Chesthut street, Philadelp•
POINTS OF EXCELLEVE.
beauty and Elasticity of stitch.
Perfection and simplicity of Machinery.
Using kith threads directly from the spools.
No fastening of seams by hand and nu waste of
thre ad.
Wide range of application without change of ad
justment,
The seam retains its beauty and firmness after
washing and ironing.
Besides doing all kinds of work done by other
Machines, these Machines execute the most beauti
ful and permanent Embroidery and ornamental
work. '
rir The Highest Premiums at all the fairs and
exhibitions of the United States and Europe, have
been awarded the Grover & Baker sewing Ma
chines, and the work done by them, wherever ex
hibited for competition.,
or The very highest prize, Tiu CROSS OP THE
LEGION OW HONOR, was confened on the representa
tive of the Grover & Baker Sewing Machines, at
the Exposition Universelle,Paris, 1869, thus attest
ing their great superierity.over all other Sewing Ma
chines.
Fur 8213 by D. W. ROBISON, Waynesboro'
NOTICE.
, .
The landetsigned haying had 17 years'
experience as 5 practical operator on Sewing Ma
chines wvuld recommend the (;rover & Baler Fam
ily Machine as the cheapest and best machine fur
family use. The simplicity of construction and
elasticity of stitt h made by these machines are two
very imprtant points in their favor. 2+50,000 of
these machiccs sire today bearing witness to the
truth of our assertions and the demand is steadily
increttsing.
We have also shuttle machines on hand for Tail
ors and Coach•trimmers' use. Call and see us.
D. W. ROBle.olll,
Main st., Waynesboro', Pa.
0. MOLASSES.—The subscribers have lust
J received , ' prime lot of New Orleans Molasses
or the holidays IMOE & HOEFLIt;Ii
The stream that hurries by-you fixed shore
Returns no mole;
The wind that dries at morn yon dewy lawn
Breathes atd is gone ;
Those withered flowerslo Rummer's ripening glow
No more shall blow;
Those fallen leaves that strew yon garden bed
For aye are dead.
Of laugh, of jest, mirth, of pleasure past,
Nothing shall last ;
Naught shall remain ;
•
Of all for which poor mortals mourn,
Naught shall let urn ;
Life has its hour in heaven and earth beneath,
Not all the chains thatslank in eastern clime
Can fetter Time ;
For all the phials in the doctor's store
Youth comes no.more;
No dra : onAge's wrinkled cli_tekliene_ws_
•
Life's early . hues;
Nut all the tears bst pious mourners shed
Can wake the dead .
For all epring gives, and Winter takes again,
We grieve in vain ;
Vainly for sunshine fled, and joys gone by,
We heave a sign ;
On; ever on, with unexhausted breath,
Time. hastens to death.
Ever,with each word we speak, a moment flies,
Is born, and dies.
If thus, through lessor Nature's empire wide,
Nothing abide—
If wind, and wave, and leaf, and sun, and flower,
Have each their hour—
He walks on ice whose i vvell-laught love
Truths firm and bright, but oft to mortal ear
Chilling and drain, •
Harsh as the raven's croak and sounds that till
Of pleasure's knell!
Pray, reader, that at last the minstrel's strain
Not all in vain ;
And when thou bend'st to God the suppliant knee,
Remember me !
C. N. BEAVER'S.
C. N. BEAVER'S.
C. N. BEAVER'S
A well known inspector of the detective:;,
force once related to us a clever capture. ef- , i
tented by himself, of a daring thief, who had
more than once escaped from prison. IAI,
inspector himself had had considerable
perience, and tracked his man to a low mai-.
lie house; and, under pretense of, Whig tin
old Net' himself, threw his companion off
his guard hY itlatitig anecdotes. He was un•
armed hittiself, and knew that the real bur•
glar —who was known to the fraternity as
'Bill the Cracksmau'—had a revolver in his
breast pocket, with the use of which he was
thoroughly acquainted, and the question was
how to arrest him Single-handed. Story fol.
lowed story, and reminiscence reminiscence,
until Bill and his companion—who called
himself Jety Blake—became as thick as mem
bers of the former's profession was prover-
bially supposed to become.
'Now,' said Mr. Blake, after a pause, 'as a
last bit of anecdote, I'll show you how Joe
the Tiaman was took. He'd swore there
wasn't a man in the colony or out of it that
would take him single-handed. Well, as the
reward for his capture" was a heavy one, a
chap named Simmons, who ,was•then out of
the mounted police, determined to try it on.
So what does he do, knowing some of Joe's •
haunts, but bribes a stockman, who lived in
a lonely hut, on the aide of a deep gully a.
niong the bills, to let him take possession for
a week or so. It was a but where Joe was
accustomed to call when be wanted to get
fresh supply of rum, for the stockman had
been a oonviet like himself and a pal of his,
but, pal or no pal, he sold Joe this time and.
no mistake'
'l'd have blown his brains out. if I'd been
Joe,' observed the eraekantan with a savage
oath.
'I honor your sentiments,' responded Mr.
Blakwand from what I know of Joe ho
shared 'em. But, you see, when be looked
in one night at the hut, no stockman was
there—but in his place Simmons,' looking
the very picture of a rough shepherd,,was
seated over the fire making tea and cooking
damper.'
Italfuh ! where's the stockman here ?'—
asked Joe, stalking into the hut and ap !
preaching the fire, for Joe wasn't afraid of
the devil himself—besides he was all stuck
around with bowie knives and six-slioaters,
so that he was a
.claution to look at.
WAINF,SBORO; FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAY MORNING, JUNE 23, iB7O.
I"CiIII"I IO XCJA.X...
•
• v,
s%.l.'t: : •-•••
.
- TUB STEM HU HUBBIES BY.
And so hath death%
-
IIifiVESIP.
BY BROWN R. EMERSON.
Death seems to hold high harvest now, •
And heroes 'neath the reaper bow.
The world's great giver gives his life ,
Out war-horse, too, gives up the strife. .
Then one who held the highest power, '
Surrenders-at the final hour. ,
The world's great minister, alas, •
From earthly triumphs, too, must pass, •
And he who ne'er knew overthrow
At Death's cold wave has just bowed low.
The press has lost its champion, too, •
And pulpits show the bitter rue;
While all the walks of life aro wet
With tears of sorrow and regret.
liar 31:IS OM ICALLE:4. - DeTY .
A CLEVER CAPTURE.
.Att.3ta Tiacllearoe.33 clerLt Nia,xt;Lll. - y• 'lN.Tervmrsarta,ipe•v.
'Where's the stockman says he.
Simmons only looked up for a minute, then
went on cooking the damper.
'He's gone.'
'Gone where—dead ?'
'Pretty night it. He's down at the sta
tion with marsh fever, I've been ordered
up here in his place.'
'An who may you be, mate, when you're
at home?' asked Joe, savagely, for he .Was
disappointed at losing his friend.
'When I'm at home,' said Simmons, still
busy with his damper, 'if home means Eng.
land, .1 might be lord,. mayor, or chancellor
of the exchequer, for any chance I have of
getting back there—but being here where
I am, I'm only a jailbird, liketynaate.'-
Joe, who wasn't accustomed to bold speak.
ing of this kind, stepped back a pace or two
and laid his hand on a six•shooter.
'Who do you take me for ?' he asked with
awoath
II don't take you for .any ane but your
proper or improper self,' said Simmons quite
unmoved, and filled two tin mugs with the
sweetened_tea .
'And-who-am 1-?'
'Joe the Tinman.'
Joe handled his pistol as one prepared for
action, but Simmons burst into a laugh.
'Leave off handling yo,ur barking iron,' be
said, 'and take that wag of'tea. I'd advise
you to put• a taste of rum in it,_for the
night's a_n p_pe_r
You know where the bottle is, so make
no bones ahou't it. When old Mike---that
was the name of the stockman—sent me up
here in his place, he didn't forget to . say who
was his friends and best customers.'
All this was said in so easy and comforts.
ble a way that the bpsh-ranger was thrfart
off his guard; and no wonder, for Sintmurtir
was a tall, thin young fellow at that tithe ).
and the Tinman, beside being armed to . his,
teeth, was middle-aged, short thick set, and:
with the muscular development of a bull
The hut was miles from any other habitation,
and the night, what with wind and rain was
a screamer,
'So Joe the Tinman and Simmons 'the
trap' sat to their tea together, and a jolly
night they had of it, I've heard The pitch- '
er of spirits was filled and emptied again and
again. Songs were sung and - tales were toIC
till the noisy revelry within the lonely but
almost rivaled the dash of the yin and the
scream of the blast without.
'Towards morning eaeh took to boasting
of his powerpof doing
. this thing or, that
'thing, and among other things, Simmons,
who'd bean when a more boy a — s - ort of
acrobat at a eiroas,_bossted of _his powers of
jumping.
'Now,' he said,• 'supposing the traps were
about me, and you was one of 'em, I'd--clear
a short man like you at a bound—apd pro
vided you weren't armed, I'd defy a dozen
like you to catch me•'
The Tinman, who was bumptious in his
cups, denied this.
'Why,' said he, 'if you was to try to leap*
over me, as you say, I'd just up with my
arms and pin your two thread-paper legs so'
Ile illustrated his words by action, but
Simmons only laughed.
'Nonsense ! I'd skini over you as . a swallow
skims over a bit. o'water. You wouldn't
even touch my shadow as I passed.'
The Tinman, drinking more rum, grew
angry.
`l'd like to see you try it., You're more
of a grasshopper than a properly built man,
that's what you are. Come, 1. 1 11 bet you this
good watch that you - don't jump clean over
we as L stand now, back toward you.'
,'Watch be hanged I says Simmons, bet
you a bottle of rum against the bowie you've.
got in your belt that I clear a short chap likb
you, hold up your hands as high as you can,
at a jump, only give me the run of a few
;Yards.'
• • 'Done 1' And drawing the Bowie knife
from his belt, the bush-ranger laid it on the
table.
'Gammon !' observed Bill, who had listen
ed with much attention to the story. • 'lts
a thing as Leotard, or any o' thou springy
chaps couldn't do.'
'lt's only a trick,' replied Mr. Blake—ea
mere circus trick—which every clown in the
ring understands. llere, I'll show you bow
it's done malt minute--that is, I'll show you
how-Simmons must have done it., according
to MY
With ready, obedience Bill stood up, and
turned his back to the operator.
1 1. suppose that's how the 'human stood ?'
should fancy just do. Raise your arms
a little above the level of your bead. That's
it. Throw them back a- little, and 1 will
allow you how the trick was done
Bill,.following every direction, raised his
handssbigh over his head, then let, them
declineulightly in the (Unction of his new
"i,The latter taking Bill's wrists in his hand,
firimght them gently together.
'lids is how the thing must have been
done, he said. (Simmons must have Jalteo
Ovantago of a position that placed the litteht
ranges absolutely is his power to draw a pair
of handcuffs from hie pocket and before the
other could Make a movement, slip tbem on
so.
, The thing was done in an instant, and be-
fore the eraeltsman could• well realize the
fact he found himself seated in one of the
chairs, his hands fettered, and his captor,
calm And smiling, staudinir, over him.:
'What do you mean by all this ?' Bill
gasped out at last, looking about him with
bewildered amazement. •Is it a joke I"
'A capital juke replied the other, 'lt
waLL whO.trted the same joke co, the Tia•
min, and it succeeded eaptmlly.'
'You.?'
'At that time I belonged • to the colonial
pollee, now rta,Mr. Triveetor Simmons.—
i'ddresh M Scotland yard, and I'm 'very
muoh at your service'
Llquor Qoostiuo—'What's fours?'
An Anecdote of lienry C lay.
Mr. Clay was a western man, and any
measure be supposed would aid the great
West always had his support.
0- me immigrants from the Rhine bap.
period to settle at Vevey, Indiana, and con•
ceived the idea, then a new one, that Ameri•
can grapes would make good wine. The ex.
periejent was tried, and proved a success.
Alresent of hank-dozen bottles was sent
to Mr. Clay, who, as might be supposed, was
in raptures over the success attending the
experiment.
A couple of bottles were oarefully put aside
tube - taken to Washington, in order to have
it tested and sampled by the wine•bibbers of
that city.
In those days members of Congress trav
eled either on horseback or by carriages to
MO, Federal city. Mr. Clay bad his own car
riage, and used it on the journey. When
the tired horse came to a bill, Mr. Clay took
advantage of the circumstance to stretch his
weary limbs by walking to the top; but e k e
anxious was he for the -safety of bis wine, to
-sboarthat - thild pioeure an article
not itferior th at on tWit
be carefully and tenderly carried a bottle in
,each band, lest they should be broken.
Arriving at Washington,. the wine was
presented to Mr. Madison, then President of
the United States, who, to show off its goOd
quality, gave_a_large dinner_party in_honor_
of the event.
The fact that Mr. Clay had presented the
President with a couple of bottles of Western
wind, made• of the juice of, the Western
a
grapes, was made public. pnd small quanti
-fty given to each guest to taste. Each sip
the followed by a wry face, yet all, as a mat
ter-bf course, pronounced it excellent, su
perb, magnificent. _
As is the case with all general rules, there
was, of course, one exception, in the person
of a bluff member of Congress, said to be ex-
Governor Vance of Ohio, who, turning to
Mr. Clay, with a quizzical look, said—
'Mr. Clay, this way - be excellent wine, but
it tastes to me like Kentucky whiskey, and
mean whiskey at that.'
Mr.` Clay seized his glass and tasted, paused
a momentoand then was forced to 'acknowl
edge-the-oorn.'
anxious as Mr. Clay to taste the Western
wine, had opened the bottles at home, drank
the contents, and filled them with whiskey,
and the Great Commoner, knowing nothing
of the fact, had carried the new•made whis
key in old wine_bottles to-Washington-to - have
it stamped as Western wine.
The joke, so the tale goes, was so good a
one that Mr Clay forgave the juvenile tree
passers, and none enjoyed it more than he,
though ho was the victim.
_A Truo and Touching-Incident.
A. youn g man and his wife were preparing
to attend a Christmas party at the house of
a friend.
'Henry, my dear husband, don't drink too
much at the party to-day,' said she, putting
her hand upon his brow,,and raising her eyes
to his face with a pleading smile.
.'No, Millie, I will not, you may trust me,'
and she wrapped her intim:air) a blanket, and
they descended. The horses were soon pran
cing over the turf, and a pleasant conversa
tion beguiled the way. 'Now don't forget
your promise,' whispered the young wife, as
they passed up the stops.
Poor Millie 1 she was the wife of a man
who loved to look upon the wine when red.
The party passed pleasantly ; the wife de
•seended from the upper chamber to join her
husband. A pang shot through her beating
heart at she met him, for he was intoxicated, "
,he had also broken his promise.
Silently, they drove homeward, save when
ihe drunken man broke into snatches of song
or unmeaning laughter. But the wife rode
on, her babe pressed closely to her grieved
heart.
— 'Give me At baby, Millie. I can't trust
you with him,' he said, as they approached a
dark and swollen stream.
After some hesitation, she resigned her
first born—her darling babe, se closely wrap.
ped - in a great blanket--to hie aims.
Over the dark waters the noble steeds bore
them, and when they reached the bank the
mother asked for the child. With much
care and tenderness he placed the bundle in
her arms; but when she clasped it to her
breast, no. 'babe was there ! It bad slipped
from the blanket , and the drunken father
knew it not. A wild shriek from the moth
er aroused him, and he turned round just in
time to see a rosy face rise one,moment above
the dark waters and sink forever—and that
by hitrown intemperance. The anguish of
the mother and the remorse of the father can
better be imagined than deseri4ed.
A PITHY SERMON TO YOUNG MEN.—You
aro the architects of your own Atreogth of
body and soul. Take for you motto, self.
.reliance, honesty and industry; for your star,
faith, perseveranoe'and pluck; and inscribe
on your banner, ..Be just and tear not.' Keep
at the helth and steer your own ship. • Strike
.ont. Think well of yourself... Fire above
the mark s yon intend to hit. Assume your
position. Doo't praotioe excessive humility;
you,.oan• t get above your • level—water don't
run up-hill—put potatoes is a cart over a
rough road and tho small ones will go to the
bottom. Energy, invincible• determination,
With's right.motive, are the severs that rule
the world. The great art of commanding is
to take a fair share :of the mork. Civility
costs , nothing and bup.everything. Don't
drink ; don't smoke; don't swear; don't gain•
hle ; don't steal; don't deceive; don't tattle.
Be polite, generous, kind. BtUdy hard, play
hard. Read good booko. Love your fellow
men, love your country and obey the laws.
Love truth ; Jove virtue. Always do what
your conscience tells you to be a duty, and
leave the consequence with Gad.—.E,c.
••••••
charity is tho °rol:ling glory of the
Christian profession.
A FEARFUL NIGHT
[Film the Austin (Texas) Journal May 174
We published some ,days since, a brief,
and necessarily imperfect account of this
strange and most painful calamity, which we
now correct, with fuller particulars, as we
receive the statement from tbo lips of Bre
vet Colonel Merriam, Major of the 24th I,a
-fantry, who is not, in Austin The Colonel,
after almost lour years of military service on
the frontier of Kansas, New Mexico and
West Texas, bad received leave of absence,
and was journeying with his wife and child
from El. Paso to the Texan coast,
They bad reached the head of the Conch()
river, and camped for the night, on Sunday,
the 24th of April. The stream at this point
is BO small that a man oar step across it.any
where. The banks were 20 feet above tje
bed of the water. Fatigued with—the long
journey of 68 miles in the previous 24 hours,
withoUt water, the party were pleasantly rest
ing, when early in the evening, Col. Merriam
was roused by the sigos of an 'approaching
storm. The' ent was fastened and made as
secure as possi • e, and about 9 o'clock a hail
storm burst upon them, accompanied by some
rain ,and a strong wind. The fall of hail was
unprecedented, lasting until nearly 11 o'clock.,
the stones being the size of hen's eggs, and
striking the tent and prairie with a noise like
-near-and-incessant musketry.
The Colonel, who was not ignorant of the
sudden and extreme-overflows-to—which—the
mountain streams of Texas are liable, went
out into the darkness as soon as the storm
had ceased, to note what effect had been pro
duced on the rivulet. To his amazement he
found in the formerly almost dry bed'of the
creek a resistless torrent loaded and filled
with hail, rolling nearly bankfull, white as
milk, and silent as a river of oil
Ho at once saw, the danger, and ran back
to the tent shouting to the escort and ser
vents to turn out. He placed Mrs, M., the
child and nurse in the 'carriage, and with the
aid - of three men started to run with it to
the higher ground, a distance of not more.
than 60 yards. Scarcely a minute had
elapsed from the time the alarm had been
given, but already the water had surged over
- the'baiikitilia - ifea of such volume and force
as to sweep the party from their feet, before
they had traversed 30 yards.
The Colonel called on some cavalry soldiers
for assistance, who bad just escaped from
the United States Mail station near by, but
- they - wore - too terorizeci to heed or to help.
Colonel Merriam then abandoned the hope
of saving his family in the carriage, and
tried to enter it in order to swim out with
them, but he was swept down the iod•oold
current like a bubble. Being ao expert
swimmer, he succeeded in reaching 'the bank
about two hundred yards below, •and ran
back to,reoew the effort; then he received
the terrible tidings that the moment after he
was swept down, the carriage, with all its
preoious freight had turnelover, and gone
rolling down the flood, his wife saying as she
disappeared, 'My darling husband, good-bye.'
The little rill of a few
. hours before, which a
child might step across, had become a raging
river; covered with 'masses of drift wood a
mile in width, mud from thirty to forty feet
deep.
The bereaved husband procured a horse
from one of the cavalry, and rode far down
the torrent,•but could see nothing in the
darkness, and hear.naugbt but the'wild sound
of the waves. So Fussed the long wretched
night.
Before day the strange and momentary
flood had passed by, and the small stream
shrank to its usual size, and ran in its wonted
bed. The sad search began. The drowsed
soldiers and servants, four in number were
found, and the body of the wife taken from
the water about three fourths of a mile be
low, and prepared for a journey of fifty-three
miles to the post of Conchs, for temporary
burial — Not till three days after was the
body of the child found, four miles down the
stream, and'along distance from its bed.—
Mrs Merriam was a lady of fine culture and
attainments, valued and beloved by /all who
knew her. The little girl, not three years
old, Was remarkable for the maturity of her
mind and the sweetness of her disposition.
The carriage was drifted by the current
about a mile, and lodge - rin a thicket. The
storm and flood are represented as frightful
beyond description. The Beaver pond from
which the Concho takes its rise was so filled
with the icy hail that the catfish were killed
by the congelatian, and were swept in wagon
loads, together with the myriads of smaller
animals of the plain, such as rabbits and
snakes, all over the country, by the sudden
and rashiog flood.
Three days after the storm, when tbe.
party left the Conebo, the hail still
. lay in
drifts acd winrows' to the depth of more than
six feet. •
There is not a single member of a single
church, male or female, youog or old, rich or
poor, but should be engaged in personal et.
forts for the conversion of-souls. Our army
may as tutioeally leave the battle to be
fought by the officers alone, as, the Church
leave the conversation of the world to the
ministers of the Gospel Indeed, it is a
fundamental error to consider it a mere min•
isterial work.
A CURIOUS FAM—Trutb stranger than
fiction. A gentleman in our neighborhood
astonished at the backwardness of his potato
crop, had the ground examined by a moat
experienced judge. It was discovered that
the potatoes was short sighted and couldn't
see their way through the soil. .After dress
ing the ground with,a. liberal supply of
spectacles, our friend, was rewarded by see
big that tubers grow like Winking,.
Au amorous awaio• declares be la so fond
of his girl that he.has rubbed ;ha akin from
his noao, by kissing her shadumi ola, the wall.
A hopeless case that.
82.00 ]Per 'Saar
The Berkley Egg.
It way a great many years ago, before the
introduction of steam -navigation into the
waters of Long Island Bound, when Capt.
Thayer, one of the pioneer captains in steam
boat travel, commanded a sloop io the waters
of Taunton river. One morning, being at
the lauding of Berkley, and having occasion
to cross to the other side, he encored a barn
- where the boat's oars were kept with which
ha was`to cross. While there a hen came.
cackling off the nest, having laid an egg.—
Being a prattieal joker, it immured to him .
to operate a little upon the superstitious
fears, of the inhabitants of that benighted
town._ Be accordingly picked up the warm
egg, and wrote on its susceptible shell_ with
his pencil, 'Woe to the town of Berltly,'
and replacing the egg left the barn. In due
time the-nest was cleared of its eggs, and
the one hearing the wonderful inscription
discovered. The wonderful news was at once
telegraphed from house to house through
the town, and before night hundreds had
j ourneyed - to - t h e - e pat - to - see it for - thiiiiielies.
tlonsternation was depicted on every counten
ance in view of the impending calamity which
they were certain the'phenomenon denoted.
It finally occurred to them to ask counsel of
their pastor i u this hour of terror. Parson
A. was accordingly sent for, and arriving,
the cause of alarm was made known to him,
back ed-up-by-an-ex hibi tioo—of—the' - egm:—
The parson examined it attentively, a - fter
which he laid it down, and for many minutes
seemed lost in reflection. Hie parishoners
thought they saw in this fresh cause for
alarm, and one and another would ejaculate
in hoarse whispers, 'The Liird wrote it! the
Lord wrote it !"At length the old man
rose 99 if to address 'them, and - stretohing to
his fill height, exclaimed, 'lf the Lord wrote
that he didn't know bow to spell Berkley !'
and bidding them good day, walked off.—
Their eyes were 'opened, and tlk,-saw at
once the trick of some mischievous wag; but
it was not until some time afterward that
they found out the author, to whom they
ever afterward owed a grudge,
A thin, cadaverous looking German, about
fif t • 'ears ot _ age ___eritered___the_offioe- of a
health insuranew company in Philadelphia,
the other day, and inquired : 'bah de man
in vet ioshures de peeble's belts ?' The
agent politely "answered, attend to that
business sir.' 'Veil, I vents my belts in•
-shared, vot you sharp ?"Different prices, '
answered the agent; 'from three to tea dol
lars a year, pay ten dollars a year and you
get ten dollars a week in case of siokness'
'Veil,' said Mynheer, 'I vent ten dollars vort.'
The agent inquired his state of health.—
'Yell, I ish took all de titne, I'se shust out de
bed two, three hours a_tay, and de doctor
says he can't do nothing more goof vor me.'
'lf that's the state of your health,' returned
the agent, 'Fe paolinsure it. We-only in
sure persons who are in good health.' At
this Mynheer bristled up in great anger.—
'Yon must fink rse a pig fool ! Vot ! you
tink_l come pay you ten dullors vor inshure
my hell von I vas veil !'
A Celebrated divine, who was remarkable
in the first period of his ministay fdr a bois•
terous mode of preaching, suddenly changed
his whole manner in the pulpit and adopted
a mild and dispassionate mode of delivery.
One of his brethren observing it, inquired of
him what had induced him to make the
change, He answered, 'When I was young,
I thought it was the thunder that killed the
people; but when 1 grew wiser, I discovered
that it was the lightning, so I determined iu
the future to thunder less and
A French priest, lauding the superior
virtue of a religious over a civil ceremony of
marriage, recently declared that every union
he had blessed had prospered,and produced,
the following - letter in proof . Respected --
Sir : —Since we received your blessing, wer
have been so completely happy that, after .
ten years of married life, we have just wel
comed our twelfth baby. Under these cir
cumstances, my husband joins me in the
prayer that you would kindly withdraw your
benediction.'
Ao Irish Judge tried two most notorious
fellows for highway robbery. To the aston
ishment of the court, as well as the prisoners
themselves, they were found not guilty. As
they were being removed from the bar, the
judge, addressing the jailor, said :
'Mr. Murphey, you would greatly ease my
mind if you keep those two respectable gen
tiemen until seven, or half pastieveo o'clock,
for 1 mean to set out fur Dublin at five, and
I should ilke to have at least two hours' start
of them.'
RESISTANCE TO Eaaoas.--We all need
resistance to oar erroa oa every side. Woe
unto us when all men speak well of 'us; and
woe unto us when all men shall give way to
us
An ungallant CoogressMilll proposes to lay
a tax of twenty-five per cent. on corsets
Since there is no tax on men getting tight,
why shouldn't the ladies have the same
privilege ? •
A . Pitris actress, who was to be vaccinated,
refused to spoil ber arm by a soar, so she
had the operation performed a tow inches
above her ankle.
A. female preacher married a couple lately
in lowa. At the endot the ceremooy the
minister kissed the groom.
A doub*ful verdiet—whea a, jorang man
is referred m Ca.* papa.'
Why is a proud woman him% Eausiabook
She is full of airs.
Moab creed, little faith; um& ore, tittle
gold many teerds, little. moric.
NtIIBER 50