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, IMINIMMINIIIMM . N
xtsr w
VOLUME XXII.
0 A g
JUST THE THING
UMW musriAv
WOW is the time to economize when money is
ill 'Scarce. You should Study your interest by
supplying your wants at the first class store of C.
.N. BEAVER. North-east corner of the Diamond.
He does business on the only successful method,
viz: by buying - Ins goods for cash. The old fogy
itlea_ofbuying goods at high prices and on long
credits is
PLODED.
amine our fine stock end don't be
UINED
oercent. too much for your goods eise
41t the community to show
unglete.stock of
)f theNvery,latest styles and to suit all,
C. N. BEAVER'S.
I,lriads and ; prices,
Q. N. BEAVER'S.
every description for Men's, Ladies',
lildren's wear,
C. N. BEAVER'S.
very one matranted lade aold
C. N. BEA'VER.•
f all sizes. the verb •beat.manufacltue,
and soli
C. N. BEAVER.
f every kind, also very cheap.
C. N. BEAVER'S.
sdies. Misses •and Children, a Sresh
C. N. BEAVER.
a full line as follows. sold
.by C.N. BEAVER.
PAPER COLLARS, for Men and Boys wear,
i the,most complete and finest assortment in town,
by C. N. BEAVER.
HOSIERY, of every kind, for sale,
C. N. BEAVER.
;GLOVES, for Men and Boys wear,
ac C. N. BEAVER'S.
_ SUSPENDERS,Sor_Men and-Boys-we ar,—
_ _ -
at
C. N. BEAVER'S.
CANES AND UMBRELLAS, a complete stock
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
BROOMS AND BRUSHES, of the yeti test
Aind, — at C. N. BEAVER'S.
TOBACCO, to suit the taste of all,
at
C. N. BEAVER'S.
CIGARS, which cannot be beat, for sale._
by C. N. BEAVER.
SNUFF, which we chalenge aay one to excel in
evatity, for sale
at
C. N. BEAVER'S.
INK and PAPER, of every description,
at - C.-N. BEAVER'S.
CANDIES, always fresh too, for sale,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
SPICES, for sale
CRACKERS, of every kind,
at C. N. BEAVER'S
lIDJGO BLUE,
C. N. BEAVER'S,
CONCENTRATED LYE, for sale,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
KEROSENE, of the very' beet.—Pitta. Oil,
at C. N. BEAVER'S.
LAMP CHIMNIES ajeo,
at C. N. BEAVER'S,
And many other articles not necessary to mention.
We now hope that you will give us a share of your
patronage. We are indeed, thankful to you for past
patronage, and hope a continuance of the same,
and remain yours truly,
CLARENCE N, BEAVER.
Wayneaboro', June 2, 1870.
GROVBR BIKER
FIRST PREMIUM
ELASTIC STITCH
FAMILY
SEWING MACHINES,
495 Broadway, New York.
730 Chestnut street, Philadelphia.
POINTS OF EXCELLENCE.
Beauty and Elasticity of stitch.
Perfection and simplicity of Machinery.
Using both threads directly from the spools.
No fasteningseams by band and no waste of
thread.
Wide range of applicatibn without c i l:iange of ad.
j ust meat, ,
The seam retains its beauty and firmness after
washing and ironing.
Besides doing all kinds of work done by other
Machines, these Machines execute the most beauti•
Cul and permanent Embroidery and ornamental
work.
VP The Highest Premiums at all the fairs and
exhibitions of the United States and Europe, have
been awarded-the Graver '&• Baker Sewing • Ma
chines, and the work done by them, wherever ex.
hibited for competition. .
rid The very highest prize, Tato Caoas or THE
Lunen or Honor., was conferred on the representa
tive of the Grover & Baker Sewing Machines, at
the Exposition Universelle, Paris, 1869, thus attest
ing their great superiority over all other Sewing Ma
chines.
For stab by D. W. ROBISON, Waynesboro'.
NOTICE.
The undersigned having had 17 years'
experience as a practical operator on Sewing Ma
chines w..uld recommend the tirover & Baker Fam
ily Machine is the cheapest and best machine for
family use. The simplicity of construction and
elasticity of stitch made by these machines are two
very important points in their favor. ,250,000 of
these machines are to •day bearing •witness to the
truth of our assertious and the demand is steadily
increasing.
We huve also abatis machines on hand for Tail
tors and Coach-trilliums' -use. Call and see u&
• D. W. ROBLION,
'Main st., Waynesboro', Pa.
N. O. MOLASSES.-The . subiscribers have jest
received s prime jot of New Orleans Molasses
pi b6e holals, a PRIDE & lio.EFLlcti
.......0..........
C. N. BEAVER'S.
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, I'ENNSTIVOIA, THURSDAY MORNING, JUNE. 18, 1870.
1 2 CIOEITIC7ILia.
A POUR;O'CLOCK.
Alt, happy day,lrefuse to go !
Hang in the Heaven, forever so!
Forever in mid afternoon,
Ah, happy day of happy June !
Pour ont thy sanahine on the bill,
The piny wood with perfume fill,
And breath acme the singing sea
Land-scented breezes, that shall be
Sweet as the gardens that they pass,
Whine children tumble in the grass.
Ah, happy day, refuse to go !
Hang in the heavens forever so !
- And long ■ot for thy blushing rest
In the soft bosom of the West,
Did gray evening get her back
With all the stars upon her track ! -
Forget the dark, forget the dew,
The mystery of the midnight blue,
And only spread thy wido warm wings
While summer her enchantment flings !
Ah, happy day, refuse to go !
Bang in the heavens forever so !
Forever let thy tender mist
Lie like dissolving amethyst,
Deep in the distant dales, and shed
Th . mellow : lor . overhead !
Yet wilt thou wander,—call the thrush,
And have the wilds and waters hash
To hear y his passion-broken tune,
Ah, happy day of happy June !
r • FR I _L •r2IWI
From tho Chicago Post.]
To be born to the lot of woman is a seri
ous thing. The condition is full of pains,
penalties, and disabilities. Woman is flat
tered, praised, petted; but, after all, she has
to take her chances in the world, and has
had— the--hea-v-iest—ergl—o-f—lifarry-eve -
since our cowardly progenitor tried, at the
-very-beginning of-his-honeymoon, to make
his bride responsible for his own transgres
pions. In after dinner speeches, woman is
an 'angle ,' but man bad the writing of his
tory, and only masculine angels figrffi - 3 there.
She is an angel during the months of court
ship, but 'he' and 'him' are the only person.
al pronouns used to designate the grand an
gels of David and Isaiah, of Elijah, Jacob,
Paul,,and John, of Milton and Isaac Watts.
She can be an angel in the couplets of mot
to candies; but she must understand that it
is only in a Piekwiokian sense.
Thoughtful people are asking in louder
and louder tones, Why is it that an erring
woman is an outcast, whims presence is pol
lution, whose shadow trails
. a blight, while a
man who is a notorious rake or a:professional
seducer can hold his place in society unchal
lenged ? Why is it that for a husband to
slay his rival in a passion is regarded as the
indisputable proof of manhood; while for a
wife to meekly endure similar wrong is
her higher praise ? -
The New York Tribune tells this story—
only one of a hundred thousand :
'lt is the history of a young girl in War
ren county, who has just been committed for
trial for the murder of her illegitimate child.
Sbe is, it appears, the daughter of an honor
able and respected family, and was a favorite
in the village for her own beauty, and inno
cent, kindly, genero.us nature. About a year
ago she became acquainted with a certain
Joseph House!, was engaged to him, betrayed,
and then deserted. She concealed her situ
ation even from her own family until last
week, when the dead body of a child was
found under an out-house floor. The girl,
who was ill, confessed that she had spent the
previous night in agony in the garden, and
toward morning, believing the child to be
dead born, had hidden it. The lungs of the
child were subjected to the usual tests, and
proved to have been inflated; the girl, in
consequence, was removed • from her father's
house, and thrown into the county jail, to a
wait her trial for murder. 'The unfortunate
prisoner,' 'the report adds, 'feels keenly the
horrors of,her terrible situation, and has
twice attempted to commit suicide since she
was imprisoned.'
'There is the story. It needs no words gf
ours to give it meaning and force. Their-o
men, credulous and affectionate, loving with
such absolute trust as to forget even her hon
or for the sake of the man to whom she has
promised her life; the desertion, the-months
of terror and loneliness that followed the
night of agony in the garden ; the child,
dead in all probability, if it lived aural, from
neglect and cold; the wretched. mother, her
self but a child, with a blind hope of escape
from the disgrace more terrible than death,
before her, making a feeble, silly Ant to
hide it; the conclave of grave doctors and
jurymen ; the girl taken from her bed to a
jail cell as a murderess , after a while a trial,
and, if the law be carded out, death; for
these'are not the kind of murders for which
insanity is an acceptable defense. So the law
and custom punish the crime of an ungarded
and passionate moment in a woman. Mean
while Joseph Ilousel, the partner of her
crime, who contrived the murder of this girl's
soul; who has coolly, during all these long
months; refused the promised honorable mar
riage which might have saved her and his
child, goes in and out as usual among his
fellow-men without rebuke.
'How seldom does a Orin lady break an
engagement because her affianced is a liber
tine!' A ease of this kind that happened
some months ago, in Brdoklyn, was regarded
as being so unusual and'extraordinary -that
it was Witten Up at lentil for 'the ropers
and the circumstance has been copied far and
wide. The fact that a young man is known
to be a roue does not generally imperil his
chances of marriage in any circle. It is 'wild
oats' in him; in his sister it is death, deser
tion, derision,. destruction. How is this ?
Is the virtue of man less imperative than that
of woman r Are her sensibilities less acute
than his Are her rights less sacred ? Is
herappreciation - of - the - meaning - ofthemar- -
liege consecration less delicate?
If a husband slays the seducer of his wife
—nay, if he slays an acquaintance whom he
merely suspects "of
• having diverted her af
fections, be is expected to become uncontrol
ably furious without •any unnecessary delay,
and to shoot him dead, face to face, or from
an ambush. A jury hastens to declare that
his rage was a manly virtue, and his deed of
murder an act to be applauded. Men throw
up their bats. Women cry over him as they
would over a yellow•covered novel. He• is a
hero; for he has killed the man who made
him angry.
Now reverse the picture. Suppose that a
wife whose marital rights have been sacri
ficed puts arsenic in her husband's tea, or
steals out and slays with dagger or pistol the
woman who has wronged her. flow now?
Will all the women rush at her with hand
kerchiefs drawn and shed virtuous tears of
approval? Will all the men take up a sub
scription. to pay her lawyers ? Will all the
doctors crowd • upon the witness stand to
swear that she is (neap—that she couldn't
help being crazy—that delirium is visible in
her rolling eye and quickened pulse ? Will
she be released as a wife who has done her
simple duty Will she be - exalted - for - tke - ,
act ?
Hardly. The experiment has been tried
a • few times, and_ the enraged wives who
played the part of avenger, have been
regarded as unnatural monsters. Instead of
being declared innocent heroines, by a jury
of twelve men, that jury has invariably con:
signed them to the scaffold or the dungeon,
— their relatives have wept over and renounced
them, and their names have gathered infamy.
A beautiful Roman maiden tried it three
hundred years ago, in defending her person
al virtue by slaying the incestuous fiend,
Count Nioalo, her father. She was put to
the birture and drawn and' quartered; her
-.shaa---were--sEcem—on—the-sea--Iter-soul-was
cent by the Pope to perdition, and for t i ree
- bundred - yeartrthe - virtnous — world - has. shud
dered at the mention of the name of Beatrice
Cenci.
A husband is required by public opinion
To — kill hie unfaithful wife, or ber lover, or
both. A wife is required to forgive her
lecherous husband. When the rake Sickles
forgave hia wife and received, her back, the
same sentiment that applauded bis murder of
Key turned against him.
It is the old story—at least five thousand
years old. When Judah was told that his
daughter-in-law, Tamar, had plityed the har
lot, thsmirtuous old sinner exclaimed : 'Bring
her forth, and let her be burnt I' And when
they brought her forth she demonstrated that
the unborn twins were his. 'And Judah ac
knowledged them, and said : 'She hath been
more righteous than I." And she was cast
out, and nobody itas given to the flames.
Good Rules to Follow.
First, be honest and truthful. All de
pends-upon this.
you have work to do, do it cheerfully.
If you go out on business, attend to the
matter prooptly, and then as promptly go
about your own business. Don't stop to tell
stories.
If you have a place of business, be there
during bu - siness hours. No one can get rich
by sitting around stores and saloons.
If you have to labor for a living, remem
bcr that one hour in the morning is better.
than two at night.
Do not meddle with any business you know
nothing of.
A good business habit and reputation is
always money.
Ilelp yourself, and others will help you.
Be obliging.
Do not be in too great haste to get rich.
Do not spend time in idleness.
Be kind.
Learn to say no. There is no necessity of
snapping it out, but say it firmly and' respect
fully.
Learn to think and act for yourself. -
Be valiant.
Help others when you can.
Keep ahead rather than behind time, for
it is easier to keep ahead than to catch up.
AGE WILtIOUT WISDOM.—AIaiI for him
who grows old without growing wise, and to
whom the future world does not set open bei
gates, when he is occluded by the prilent.
The Lord deals so graciously with
,us in the
decline of life, that it is a shame to turn a
deaf ear to the lessons which He gives. The
eye becomes dim, the oar dull, the tongue
falters, the feet totter, all th& senses refuse
to do' their ofice, and from every side re
sounds the call, 'Set thine house in order for
the term of 'thy pilgrimage is at hand.' The
playmates of youth, the fellow laborers of
manhood die away, and take the road before
us. Old age is like some quiet chamber, in
whiob, disconnected from the visible world,
we can prepare in silence for the world that
is unseen.
.Tats Las !—What is it ? The vision of
a day---;the pleasure of an hour; thou, gone,
and gone forever l No, not gone forever ,
for matt will live in rapture or in woe, as the
result of a few years of lifo—a few - days spent
in time. How fearful the thought What
eternal interests bang upon life's fleeting
moments 1 • Joys eternal, or , pangs intermin
able, and all depending on the course we
take—the way we live.
She, that marries a man beeanse he is a
good matoh:must not to surprised if he turn
out a luoifer. •
The old Bachelor's Note-Book.
I met limy Gray on the street to-day, for
the fist time since my accident. She was
very kind in her inquiries, and as I held her
hand a moment when I said good-bye, she
raised her eyes with a blush that made her
look like a damask rose. She is a sweet
girl—:-good, modest, beautiful and ;
and I asked myself as I stood lingerihg
the re - , — w
Lucy would willingly be mine-1 know the
language of those dear blue eyes so well !
And she would be a devoted wife, a gentle
nurse. Why then do I hesitate ? Alas_!
cannot endure the thought, that, if I choose
her two other women must be driven to de
spair And 1, who am naturally so tender.
hearted where the fair sex is concerned bow
could I answer to my conscience for the ruin
I must work ? Dear Lucy I It is hard to
give her up.
Young Harding came out of his store as
left her, and she blushed a rosier red than
ever as she bade me good•bye. Even that
puppy roust have noticed it. Dare • say,
though,he took it entirely to himself. Those
young fellows are so intolerably conceited !
It was riot so in my day.
* * * * * * *
I called on my glorious widow this after
noon. I found that everlasting Strong, the
lawyer, there, and she lifted her dark gray
eyes with such a look of infinite relief, as I
came in. She played, she sang to me alone,
and Lawyer Strong sat sulking in the window
all the while. At last his jealousy got the
better of him, and with a hasty farewell he
left the house. The deer zreature grew
serious at'once when we were alone. - She
heaved a sigh and looked at me from under
her long lashes. I knew only too well what
she was expeoting to hear, ' and the words
were almost tretublin - g on my lips, but the
thought of Lucy and my interesting Harriet
drove them back again, and I took my leave,
still keeping her in suspense. I feel and
know that•l ought to end this-struggle, in
justice to myself and them. But melting
gray eyes of the charming widow haunt my
own with their lingering bewitching gaze and
echo the question How ?
* * * * * *
At eight in the evening / called upon my
third fair enslaver the heiress whose golden
ohlins - aton - erfo - r - the Oiliness of - h - Wii - ce and
t• e scanty endowments ocher mind. I
found - her alone, eittin — g at a window, and
looking out with a sad expression upon the
sounding sea. ,My heart was full, and I
longed to comfort her_by offering_her_the
heart and hand for which so many have pined
and yearned in Will cot this after all,
be my best ohoice.and wisest course ? The
lovely face of Lucy must change and fade as
the years go slowly by, and the dark gray
eyes of the bewitching widow will lose some
thing of their enticeing light before she hae
been long my own. But' arriet, with her
hundred thousand charms that can never
change or pall— Harriet, with her town house,
her country seat, her servants, her equipages,
—eb, yes, there must I kneel only to rise a
victor, there must I sue, for one brief mo
ment, nor fear to be denied ! But this
evening I could not speak the magic words
that would have bound her heart to mine.—
That great hulking brute of a dragoon, Cap
tain Sanglier, must needs come trampling
in upon us, and take her for a walk upon the
shore. It was an old engagement,' she said,
holding out her hand as she apologized for
leaving me. She looked at me with a smile
and a sigh, as I. bent over hand. The
dragooning monster pulled his yellow mus
taches and glared at me, and I glared at him
in 'return. To-morrow he shall get his
quietus, and I will forget, as best as I can,
in a voyage to Europe with my Harriet, the
broken hearts I leave behind.
* * *
Alas, my criminal loitering ! my wretched
self indulgent, indolent delay I /have seen a
sight this morning that will haunt me to the
grave I At the altar of the parish church
stood three pale and lovely brides, and each
cast a heart rending glance of anguish and
remorse at me as they pronounced the fatal
words that separated us forever'! Lucy wept
young Hardiug, the bewitching widow takes
the lawyer, and ray golden Harriet throws
herself away on the blustering dragoon 1—
And I, who might have prevented at least
one of these dreadful sacrifices—who might
have made at least one heart happy—when
shall I ever cease to feel remorse for the in
curable misery I have thus idly wrought.—
Ledger.
MERCER POTATO.—In the yecr 1802, Mr.
John Kilkey, of Mercer county, Pa., living
along Neshannook creek, planted a quantity
'of blue,
red, white and other varieties of po
tatoes, from the product of which he select
ed the above named variety, which at first
were called Neshannocks, after the creek near
which be lived. They were soon brought
into notice by the nime of Mercer and culti
vated near Philadelphia, from thence spread
over the whole country, and for a long time,
more generally cultivated than any other va
riety, but of la te years has been rather on
the decline, and other new varieties have
been introduced, but none of which have at
tained the celebrity of the Mercer, which
was almost universally planted for nearly' a
half century, owing to its superior edible
qualities and productiveness.' It may be a
long time before any one variety of this val.
uable esculent to man will attain the promi
nence of the noble Mercer, which although
having had its day, is still the favorite with
a large number of people.
The old city of Troy had but one gate.—
Go round and round the city, and you could
find no other. It you wanted to get in, tbete
was but one way, and no 'other.
1 / 4 80 to tho
strong and beautiful city of Heaven, there is
one gate and no other. Do you know what
it is ? Christ says, am the Door.
IQ of means are a(t the meanest men
[Published by Begued.
BONO OF TUB FIFTBIRNTU ABIBUDDIBBT
Come all you happy darkies,,
Duluth Pomp and Craw, ,/
Do 'mmidment passed do tat 6,
Now we hab a blow ;.•
Pompey wid de banjo,
Caesar mid de bones
Gumbo veld do tomboroen,
Scrushentin ) toneo.
Bring fort' de little 'Publicans,
Ned and Givaardfoot—
Ebry one a ticket now, .
Ebry ono a vote ;
Ebry one a subbren,
Ekil 'fore de law—
Cbing-a-ring, a ching-a-:ing,
Ching a-ring a chaw.
Oh, Cmsar Ilustus,
Dow you gwino to vote
Ebtyting is luby,
How de darkies float !
I vote for Freddy Douglass
To be de President; .
Revels for de 'Sistatit—
How's you gwine to •tvencl
Pompey on de jury,
Williams on de bench,
Gumbo, in de Senate,
Sluginatin' French;
Douglass in do White House,
Die chile for Mr. Dent—
Possum fat and coon grease !
Won't de nation went?
Go way, white man,
Don't you come neigh,
Gizzardfoot and Shinbones,
()halkea in de eye;
We is now all votists,
Ekil 'fore de law—
Ching-a•ring;a-ring-a•ehing,
Ching-a-ring•a•chaw
Two Country Neighbors
Two farmers, with their families, were
neighbors. It was the custom to let — geete
and bogs run at large in the road, and to
feed them h,lvth_e_roadienee,in_thei_vicinity
of the house. One of these farnient_ob•
served one day that his neighbors geese
botherid his hogs while they were eating.—
They would pull and bite the hog's ears so
fiercely that the hogs would be compelled
to-retire,-leaving-the-geese-in- possession—of
the food.
The owner of the. lags went immediate.
ly to his neighbor and complained threat
ening that if the geese were not kept away
he would kill them. His neighbor express
ed regret that his geese had been a source
of annoyance, and promised to take care of
them towards evening, as he and his men
were in a hurry to secure a full afternoon's
work in the hayfield.
In the course of the afternoon, the wife
of the farmer to whom the geese belonged,
heard a sudden loud equalling, and then
another, and another, several times repeat.
ed. fter her husband returned, about
evening, she related what she had heard,
which immediately excited his suspicion that
his geese had been killed. He went into the
road, and his flock of geese were coming
homeward, waddling along one by one; but
on counting the number he noticed that sev•
oral great goslings were missing. He took
care of the remainder of, the flock, com
municated the loss to his wife.
She itnmediately spoke all manner of
hard words against a 'neighbor who would
be so mean and cruel.' But he was •deter
mined to return gond for evil. He told his
wife and family to break no friendship with
his neighbor, as they had almost determined
to do—for what would be the gain of a flock
of geese, even though they wore, as repre
sented in the ancient fable, of golden feath
ers—compared with a loss of temper !
He cautioned them not to mention the
matter to any one outsile of their own fami
ly.
Not long after this event—probably a
month—the hogs of the farmer who had
killed the geese broke into the neighbor's
cornfield. They broke down many of the
stalks and destroyed many other hills by
eating and rooting, doing great damage be
fore they were discovered. The owner of
the corn drove them out, and repaired the
disorder as well as could be done. His
neighbor happened to be passing the corn
field when be was driving out the hogs, and
saw the mischief.
'Have my bogs been in your corn ?' 'be
asked, with some surprise and mortifica
tion.
'Yes,' was the reply, 'Maya just turned
them out. ,
'Well, sir, I am sorry, I will pay the dam
age.'
'Oh, no, my friend, you need not mind
that. I never could think of taking dam
age from a neighbor for so small a tbiog.—
A little injury to my corn is nothing; and
the hogs will not get in again , How are the
folks at your house to-day ?'
After a few , more courteous inquiries and
replies, the two separated. A day or two
after, the farmer who bad killed the geese
came to his neighbor, saying, 'I can't live
in this way any longer, I wronged you by
killing your geese, and when my hogs got
into your.corn, you only returned good for
evil; I want to confess my fault and make
restitutions. Your conduct has been so
ehrititian-like, add mine so opposite,. that I
owe you an apology.'
After. this event there was no more trou
ble between these neighbors.
Bear and forbear; do right.; love your
neighbor as yourself; be it, peacemaker, for
there is a promise ta,suck - a one.
The most a9tovlt thing to roniemb'er —the
poor.
TICE DUTCHMAN'S CIDER.-IS the smell
village of in the State of Penney'.
vania, there lived a Dutchman who was fa.,
mono for making the best eider in the neigh
borhood, and wan equally famous for keeping
it; and as yet, no person but himself and
family, had been permitted to taste the'good
stuff. At last, one of his near neighbors
said he was bound to taste it 'AceordinglY ,
iteiitici the Dutch:lir - We home, and en
tered into conversation with him concerning
his crops, &a., and by degrees lead him to
speak, of his good cider. Fie then said to
him:
understand you make very good cider ?'
'Yaw,'
replied the Dutchman, 'Hans, my
boy, go bring a mug full'
Hans soon returned with a mug brimming
full, and handed it to the Dutchman, who
drained it to the bottom at one draught;
then turning to his astonished and disap
pointed visitor, said :
'Dere now, if you dash not (link dat-gool
cider, foost you schmell of to imuj P
TRY Fr.--;-A. Student of Ann Arbor hay.
ing remarked that men had more endurance
Than women, a lady present said she would
like to see the young men of the university
laced up i; steel ribbed corsets, with hoops,
heavy skirts, trails, high heels, panniers,
chignons, and dozens of hair pins sticking in
their scalps, cooped up in the house year af
ter, with no exhilarating exercise, no hopes,
no aims or ambition in life; and see if they
could stand, it as well as the girls. 'Nothing, '
said she, 'but the fact that women, like eats,
have nine lives, enable them to survive tbo
present regime to which custom has doomed
the sex.
A Quaker broke! having had a bag of gold
en eagles (veins) stolen from his counter
while he snipped into his back room buta
moment, never mentioned the .loss to a single
soul, but quietly bided his time. Several
months afterwards, a neighbor being in his
office, carelessly asked ir he'd ever heard any
thing about the bag of eagles tie lost? sAh,
John!' exclaimed the Quaker, 'thou art the
thief, or thee oouldst not have °known any
thing about it 1' The shrewd old fellotiv was
right, and the gold as restored, with in
terest.
_A_noted—Gennan--doe fur puts — fiirth — t
opinion that ladies of weak nerves should not
sleep alone. We always were opposed to
sending a poor, lone woman off to a cold room
to sleep by herself. There's no telling what
-might-happen.—
A California paper gives the following as
a regular bill of fare at a Chinese restaurant
in that-city : Oat Outlet, 25 cents; Griddled
Rats, 6 cents; Dog Soup, 12 cents; Beast
Dog, 18 cents; Dog Pie, 6 cents.
'Does the dentist kiss you when he pad
your teeth, pa ?' 'No, my son, why ?' 'Oh,
nothing; only he kissed Ma, and she said it
took the ache all away; and I guess it did,
for she laughed all the way home.'
A Tavern boaster the other day, vaunting
his knowledge of the world, was asked by a
wag at his elbow if be had been in Algebra.
.01a yes,' said be, 'I once passed through it
on top of a stage:
A Itourtes Wciax..—A robin, it is said,
kills, on an average, about eight hundred
flies in an hour; and 'a sparrow, will destroy
at least one hundred and fifty worm or cater
pillars in a day.
'Now, then, children,' said a parish school.
mistress, showing her pupils oil on examine. ,
Lion day, 'who loves all wen ?'
'You, missus,' was the unexpected anima , .
_S•
'MY dear, said a cross grained - husband to
his long suffering wite, 'do pod intend ,to
make a fool of me?' - 'No, my love; ,nature
has say me that tumble.
The faithful performance of duty in the
midst of shame and detraction and persecu
tion, is a spectacle which angels cannot but
admire, and men regard it with honor.
4 -
What bird is that Which is absolutely
necessary that we should have at our dinner,
and yet need neither be cooked nor served
up ? A swallow.
lir A little girl wanted to say that she bad a
fan, but had forgotten tho name, so she do
sor:bed it as 'a thing to brush the warm off
'on with.'
•- -
Ilene where do you live r"Aaroes der
river mit der turnpike by dor school houee
aa you go up mit your right hand on der
oder side
'That was grcedy of you, Tommy, to eat
your sister's share of the cake.' 'You told
me, ma, that I was always to take her part,'
said Tommy.
'I will preach from dat portion of de scrip
ture die evening,' said a colored divine, 'what
do 'postle Paul pints his 'pintle at de 'phe.
sians.'
If you want an ignoramus to respect you
dress to death, and wear watch seals about
the size of a brickbat.
A young lady does not object to' having
her lips chapped, ifAhe right sort of chap is
about.
To cure a bachelor's aches—carry to the
patient seventeen yards' f silk, with a woman
m it.
The latest agony aiming the ladies' is the
Inottogramie - stooking garter.. '
. EVERGREENS —People :who doo
the papers.
NUMBER