337 - 'Voir. Minix'.
VOLUM. XXII.
JASON Mt.
G. P. LIDY,
MACHINE SHOP
LUMBER YARD !
THE sucscrihers having enlarged their, shops
and added the latest improved machinery for
working Wood and Iron, are now prepared to do
till kinds of Work in their Line, and are manufac•
miring the
Willoughby's Gum-Spring Grain 'and Fer
talizer Drill, Greatly Improved; The Cel
ebrated Brinkerhoff Cornsbeller ; Gibsona
Champion Washing - Machine; John Rid
diesberger's Patent Lifting Jacks.
THE PROPRIETORS OF THE
WAYNESBORO'
SASH AND
rMirrEl
nav'ng furnished their shops with the latest im
pro ed Machinery for this Branch of Business, they
ar now prepared to manufacture and furnish all
kir Js of
ITILDING MATERIAL,
.
' Doors, Frames, Shutters, Blinds,
'iahteen Different Styles; Cor.
&c. &c., r louring, Weath-
We tender our
liberal patronage best°.
ristet attention to Business
•
or •i." " me .
A Itio agents for the sale of Dodge on. 'ls
Kirby Valley Oilier, and World Combine.. Reap
ing and M swing Machinnee. ind the celebrated
Clipper Mower.
may 7, 18693
GROITHR & BA
FIRST-PREMIUM -
ELASTIC STITCH
FAMILY
SEWING_ MACHINES,
495 Broadway, New York
730 Chestnut street, Philadelphia.
POINTS OF JXCELLENCE
Beauty and Elasticity of stitch.
Perfection and simplicity of Machinery.
Using both threads directly from the spools.
No fastening of seams by hand and no waste of
thrt ad.
Wide range of application without change of ad
justment,
The seam retains its beauty and firmness after
washing and ironing.
Besides doing all kinds of work done by other
Machines, these Machines execute the most beauti.
ful and permanent Embroidery aid' ornamental
work.
Vir The Highest Premiums at all the fairs and
exhibitions or the tinned states and Europe, have
been awarded the Grover & Baker . 4. 4 ewing Ma:
climes, and the work done by them, wherever ex.
bibiteu for competition,
The very highest prize, Tins Coosa OF THE
Lector OF Gomm, was conferred on the representa
tive of the Grover & Baker :Sewing Machines, at
the Exposition Universelle, Paris, 1869, thus attest.
jug their great superiority over all other sewing Ma
chines. •
sal3 by D. W. ROBISON, Waynesboro'.
NOTICE.
The undersigned having had 17 years'
experience as a practical operator on Sewing Ma
chines would recommend the Crover & Daher Fam
ily Machine as the cheapest and bee: machine for
family use. The simplicity of construction and
elasticity of stitch made by these machines are two
very impatient points In their favor. 250,000 of
these machir.es are to day bearing witness to the
truth of our assertions and the demand is steadily
increasing.
We have also shuttle machines on hand for Tail
ors and Coach-trimmers' use. Call and see us.
D. W, 11ON,
Main at., Waynesboro', Pa,
WIINESIIOIIO' BIKERY
I ANA
CONFECTIONAILY I
THE subscribers announce to the public that
they have opened a Bakery and Confectionary
on Main street, Waynesboro', opposite the "Bow
den House", where persons at all times can be sup
plied with fresh Bread, Rolls, Pretzels. all kinds of
tiweet Cakes, wholesale or retail. A full supply of
Candies, Nuts, Fruits, etc., always on hand. ICE
CREAM regularly supplied during the season.
Having erected at considerable expense a first
class Hake House they feel confident that in this
department of their business they can give general
satisfaction. Tuey therefore solicit a share of pub
lic patrol/age.
may Et—tf
SLEASEMAN & MORT.
MILLINERY' GOODS !
TO TUE LADIES!
"f 1 cR i
e
flar
supply o f
h
Millinery j ust
t od re s
Lathes are invited to call and examine her stock.
april 23—tf
SOAP-MAKING
CONCENTRATED LYE, a full pound in a
Los at 20 cents. 13AL fit/PA in large or small
gunotities, sold los! by W, A. REID.
Feb 3
JACOB PRICK,
D. Be ILINISELL,
-"RR ,
LIDY, FRICK & CO.
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTI, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAY MORNING, JUNE 2, 1870.
1 20 011EITICIILia.
HAPPY THOUGHTS.
If Manhood's waves have borne our bark
Far distant frem the shore,
Whose pleasant scenes were dear to us
When life its blossoms bore—
'Tie sweet when we come back again,
To find each spot we knew,
Decked in the self-same joyous garb
Our youth around it threw.
If Time bath laid his hand upon
The things about out home,
And o'er them all the moornfull shade
Of deep, sad change bath come
'Tis sweet to know that in our breasts
The self-seine heart beats on,
And that while change rules all without,
Within we're chilled by none.
Yet sweeter than all this it is
To meet when we are men,
The tiiend we parted when in youth,
The self-tame now as then—
To feel that he brings back , through rags
By time and absence cast.
The light of that same kindliness ' _
That warmed the blissful past.
The roses that with garnish bloom
In pleasure's garden spring.
Have each within its painted leaves,
Some insect that will sting—
And so 'tie doubly sweet for us,
Amid life's heartless joys,
To catch the blush and fragrance back,
— Ol flowers we culled-when-boys.
TIIE iIiTiERLESS.
God help and shield the mother!ess,
The stricken, bleeding dove—
For whom there gushes no rich fount
Of dee ieind deathless love!
The saddest title.grief confers—
' FOivlNao lone as they,
Upon whotorPethamother's love
Shed not its hoThrey
No gentle form above them bends
To soothe the couelLoipa'.
No voice so fond as her's essays
To calm the feverish brain,
06, other tongues may whisper love,
In accents soft and mild ,
But none on earth so pure as that
A mother hears her child !
A blessing on the motherless,
Where'er they dwell on earth,
Within the home of childhood,
Or at the strangers hearth ?
Blue be the sky above their heads,
And bright be the sun within,
0 God, protect the motherless,
And keep them free from sin !
3EII CIMI-aMaAL2TIC.
THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA
On the 24th day of February, the borrow
ed;steatuship Aroostook, with Charles and
J. S. Lougee, practical and experienced di
'very, from San Francisco, went to where the
Oueida lies in one hundred and twenty-three
feet of water. After the,usual preparations
had been concluded, and, by sounding, it had
been ascettaieed that the deck of the Oneida
was one hundred and three feet beneath the
surface of the bay , atter every caution had
been given _to eight strong sailors to keep
the air pump constantly in motion, and allow
not an instant of time or stoppage, to occur,
as thereby depended the life of the diver,
after Charley Lougee had been helmeted
and shut from air, except that supplied
through the slender tube of rubber, with a
lite-lioe around his body, and leaden clogs to
hie feet, with Good-bye' and 'God bless you'
from all aboard, he was dropped over the
side, and slowly disappeared in the blue
waves, white a'nerveus tremor shot through
our frame as we realized the fearful risk
undertaken by,that man, who was seeking
for truth in over one hundred feet of water.
Away to the leeward, borne by the tide
and wind come flontino. b bubble to—life sig
nals from below. The men at the pump
were laboring manfully, but, becoming fa
tigued, attempted to chang e for fresh hands,
and there was a stop. 'G reat God! you will
murder my brother ! Quick ! for heaven's
sake, quick And as the men recommenced
the revolutions of air pump; the older Lou
gee, with blanched lace and trembling lip,
gave a signal on the life-line below. For au
instant there came no reeponse,And the fade
of' that brother seemed to"turn tiTmarble; but
then we saw two quick m otions from the sub
marine station, and knew ii was the welcome
signal of lilt right,' and then Lougee turned
to the men at the wheel, who came so near
sending both bile*, and simply said t 'My
brother's life depends upon your efforts in
keeping that pump in motion—atop again at
your peril.' fhe calm face and passionate
eye told these men not to stop again, and
with Lieutenant Tanner close by, they kept
to Work until stopphd by orders from Lou
gem
Meantime while we were on the deck 'of
that sand pan, counting the tedious moments
which lengthened to half an hour. Charley
Lougee was searching the Oneida at the tre
mendous depth mentioned, At last came
the signal for 'surface, and instantly the life
line was put in motion ; slowly dame the
ing hemp and rubber on deck, 'and at last,
away in the deep blue waves, came in sight
the diver, shrouded and panoplied in weird
garments. As he came to the surface he
reached Mioiiter Deliong s sword and Imo
.13= /21cleIpea3cloxit Vietaxi.ll. - sr ATervineupet.-peas.
quered box, awl then was his helmit loosed,
and our party crowded around to hear of the
gallant ship. Among our party were many
of the survivors of the Oneida, among them
were William Crownishield, Captain Clark,
Master Yatts, and Dr James Suddards, who
were intensely exalted to learn the tidings.
Said the diver : 'The water for the first
seventy feet was qUite clear, as the sun gave
excellent light, and although my supply of
air was once checked for an instant, I reach
'ed the deck.of the ship just astern of the
mizzen mast, and close by the mess room
hatch ; the tide'was ebbing quite strong, and
I was compelled to bold to , lines from the
rigging to keep from being washed forward.
I first examined the side; she was out from
the mizzen rigging (at an angle of about
forty degrees) across the whole stern of the
ship, her timbers, far below the water line,
being crushed and broken, the captain's out j
in two, the wheel and stirring gear parried
'away, and, in fact, the whole side and end of
the ship stove in or out away. The ship is
heading south-west, and sits upright on the
bottom and is making sand slowly. I laid
down on the deck arid peered over the brok
en end into the cabin, but did. not dare trust
my air-line-io-contact-with- the—jagged - titti
hers. The guns and armament, except ono,
are all place aft; but I.clid not go forward, as
I was afraid of entanglement in the rigging.'
Turning to Crownishield, he said : Your
evidence, which I read, described almost ex
actly the injury, except that she was cut
deeper than you could have known.' Lou
gee expressed the belief that it will be im
practicable to raise the ship, but that the
splendid battery, personal effects, eta,, can be
saved if the government sees proper.
By this survey the testimony of the living
is verified, and the memory of the dead with
out a stain, for the position of the ship as
found, and the positions of the Oneida and
Bombay, as testified to by the navigating of.
_fusers, show that it was impossible for the
captain of the Bombay to have ever seen the
red light of the Oneida, and that the order of
'Port pont helm,' by Captain Eyre, was
wrong, and the 'Starboard, hard a starboard'
of_Master Yates—was—right,--uorSacra
mento Bee.
To GIVE Is TO REvErvE.—We must bless
if we would receive a blessing. We must
pour water from the cup if we would have it
filled again. Life is an exchange of bounties,
a transfer from one hand to another. Earth
gives her portion to the flowers, they send
their frarr•t co nntn man, and. man gathers
them, decks the path of friendship, and
makes hearts sweet with their fragrance.
The. sky is mellower for the passing Aloud
'that lowers beneath it. The cloud receives
- its glory_ frousihe orb of day.
All things are tributary to each—other.—
The glow-worm lights a traveller's path; the
pebble turns the tide.
Rills fill the river; rivers send their vapors
forth and fill again the rills. If love flows
from our soul unto our neighbor's, something
must be dislodged within hie breast. It may
be envy, pride, or hate—what matter it 7 or
it may be the. sweetest strains of gratitude
that will gladden some ear, though not our
own. We are but workers; but not like
earthly laborers, waiting for our pay. It
comes in God's time, and -always at the need
ed moment. Keep the waves in motion.—
Roll the ball of love heavenward. It will
strike many hearts, and gather accelerated
speed. Pass the cup' around. Bid the
thirsty drink, for dust and mould will gather.
on the cup that stands 11111113VCCI ,and the
water it holds will become unfit for our own
or another's use. —Phrenolvicul Journal.
THE CHRISTIAN BROTIIERS.--There is a
remarkable community living in lowa who
call themselves the 'Christian Brothers:—
They have a monastery upon one of the high.
est 3lieaissippi bluffs, approached, by a rough
and rooky road They wear the garb which
is the identical pattern of that worn by St.
Bernard in the sixth century. Not a change
has bean made during the twelve centuries
that have elapsed since the death of that
saint. A great deal of time is devoted to
religious exercises At two o'clock in the
morning they repair to the chapel and devote
the balance of the time until daylight to
prayer. They are exceedingly abstemious in
their food, and observe all the rules of the
society rigidly. Some of them have been
there twenty and a few about thirty years,
Their religions belief' is the Boman Catholic,
and they are forbidden to marry. Women
are never allowed in their place of worship
under any circumstances. After a certain
time they take upon themselves a vow never
to speak aloud, and a oumber have kept that
vow for twenty years. Such is the human
seclusion of this community,
When I behold a fashionable table set out
in all its magnificence, I fancy that I see
gouts and dropsies, fevers and lethargies,
'with other inumerable distempers, lying in
ambuscade among 'the dishes. Nam* de.
lights in the most plain and simple diet—
Every animal but man, keeps one dish.—
Herbs are the food of this species, fish of
that, and flesh of a third. Man fall upon
everything that comes in his way; not the
smallest fruit or excrescence of the earth,
scarce a berry or's wnshroou eau escape him.
—Addison.
An Indian woman in California, supposed
to be one hundred years old recently fell into
a trance, and while 'in that condition pre
dicted that the city of San Francisco will be
totally destroyed by an earthquake in 1873,
and its site be submerged in water. She had
never seen the city, but described it minute
ly in her trance. Real estate owners laugh
at her prophecy, but evidently feel a little
uneasy least it should be realized.
We bear a great deal more of persona dead
in love with each other than we de of -their
living in love with each .other.
The Poor Oki Fiddler.
One beautiful summer day there was a
great festival in the large petit at Vienna.—
This pai k is called by the people the Prater.
It was almost covered with crowds of people.
Among the number was an old musician.—
He bad once been a soldier, but his pension
was not enough to live on. He had a good,
faithful old dog along with him, which lay at
his feet and held an old hat in his mouth, so
that passers by might cast coins in it for the.
poor old man.
On the day of the festival, which I have
now mentioned, the dog sat, before him, with
the old hat. Many people went by and heard
the old musician playing, but they didn't
throw much in.
He looked sad enough, as be saw multi
tudes pass, in their etregth and youth and'
beauty; but whenever they laughed, it was
like a dagger to hie • soul, for he knew that
on that very evening he would have to go to
bed supperless, hungry as he was, and lie on
a straw couob in a little garret room. Be
placed his violin down by his side, and leaned
against an old tree. Not far off stood a gen
tleman in fine clothes who had a.kind heart.
He listened to the old musician, and when
e saw t at no one gave him anything, his
heart was touched with sympathy. He final
ly went to the dog, and looking into the bat
saw only two little copper coins in it. He
then said to the old musician :
4 111 y good friend, why don't you play some
more r
4 0h,' replied the old man, 'my dear sir, I
cannot; my poor arm is so tired that I can
not hold the bow; besides, I have had no
dinner, and hove little prospect for supper.'
The kind gentleman gave him a pieoe_of
gold, and said :
pay you if you will loan me your vio-
lin for one hour.'
'Very welt , you can do what you like,'
said the owner.
enileman took the fiddle and bow,
and said to the old man, 'Now my mate,-you
take in the money, and I will play. I am
quite sure people will give us something.'—
The strange gentleman began to play,_and_
every note was like a pearl. By and by- the
people began to drop money into tha hat,
and it became so heavy that he could not
hold it any longer.
'Empty your hat, old man,' said the peo
ple, 'and we will fill it again or you.'
He pulled out an old handkerchief and
wrapped the money in it,-and—put—it—i , :••
violin bag.
--The-stranger—ke
tune and then another—even children seem
ed carried away with rapture. At last he
played that splendid song, 'God bless the
Emperor Francis!' All hats and caps flew
off their heads, for the people dearly loved
their Emperor. The song finally came to an
end The hour was ended, and the musician
handsd back the violin to,,th'e old man.
'Thank you,'
he said. 'May God bless
you!' And he disappeared in the crowd.
'Who is he? Who is he?' said the peo
ple. 'Where does he come from ?'
A certain person sitting in one of the
coaches, said:
'I know him. It is Alexander Boucher,
the distinguished violinist. It is just like
him. He saw that the old man needed some
help, and he deterthined to help him in the
best way be could.'
The people gave three eheefkfor, Boucher,
and put more money in the old man's hat.
When he went home that evening, he was
richer than he had ever been before.
Tardiness of Women.
The most difficult thing in the world for
women to do is to get ready to go anywhere,
and there is nothing a women will resent
quicker or more fiercely, than in intimation
that she may miss the train. Our friend,
Brayfogle, gives us an instance of this :
Mr. Bray was supposed to take the ten
o'clock train on the Bee Line, to visit some
relatives in an interior town. Having au&
fared on previous occasions for injudicious
suggestions, Bray thought that, foronee, he
would let things take their natural course.—
So he sipped his coffee and eat his eggs and
toast, while Madam curled and powdered,
and denied attendance on the looking-glass,
and tied bark on the back of her head. Then
Bray sat by the stove for an hour and read
the morning paper, while the Madam still
continued to get ready. At last, just as he
had reached the final paragraph of reading
matter, and was beginning on the advertise.
meats. Madam tied her bonnet strings under
her chin, took one long, lingering, loving
look at the image reflected in the glass, and
sweetly announced:
'Weil, my dear, I'm ready.'
'Ready for what ?' asked Bray, in well af
fected astonishment.
'To go to the depot, to be sure,' said Mrs.
Bravfogle, tartly.
'Oh,' said Bray, 'l'd forgotten. Well,
Madam,' continued he, looking at his watch,
'that train has been gone thirteen minutes.
Just keep on your things and you'll bo ready
for the train to-morrow.'
We draw a veil over what followed. We
aro assured, however, that next morning Mrs.
B. was ready an hour ahead of time.
THOUSAND YEARS,
• trr 8. T. BIICEIANAN.
A thousand years ago,
On many an upturned brow,
The moon . shone bright as now;
And many a heart like mine
Bow'd low at beauty's shrine,
Blessing the Lord for light
And the good gift of sight.
A thousand years from now
Where wilt my spirit be I
In vast Eternitsr
Will I be lost M night,
Or bathed in God's pure light 'I
Thought's wings grow tremulous anJ weak with
fears. +.--6 , 40r.
While hovering o'er that gulf - that Enlf of Tesra.
The Pickled Watch,
The other day we met Wiggins, And' he
had a silver watch—hunting -case at that.—
We had , known Wiggins e 'five•and.twenty
years and never knew him to carry a watch
before. We asked him where he got it He
gave us a nod and a leer, and said he would
tell us.
'Last fail,' he commenced, killed the old
hrindle cow, and put the best part of her, in•
to
,the beef barrel. She was fat, the beef
was nice; and I bad nigh onto a full barrel.
1 -- didn't - wartrto - make it very salt, so I set it
out in the shed, where the front might touch
it and keep it; and you'd believe it made
good eating.'
One day my wife says to me—says she,
'Wiggins, 'pears to me our beef is • going
mighty fast I went and looked, and sure
enough, it was going--going rather faster'n
I. thought it ought to. , •I've noticed it low
ering unaccountably this long time,' said my
wife. 'Somebody is stealing it. 'Why don't
you set a trap?'
'But my neighbors were all good hearted
kind of folke, though one or two, of them
might be just a :lewd° inclined to poke round
where they didn't` belong, and I didn't want
to hurt 'em. concluded, however, that it
would be best to put the barrel with what
little beef was left, down in the cellar, and I
did it.
'Well, when the beef was all used up, and
1 went to clear out the barrel, 1. found this
- wool ' 4 , . 10 - ilk(7 , ome 1. e
Tom Sherman's watah. Tom had worked
for me considerable, and I have seen him
have the watch, or one very much like
When I saw Tom I showed him the watch
and he_said_tigh_Leflitwas his
'Flow did you lose it ?' said I.
carried it in my_ pocket without any
- Chain, and must have
was stooping,' said he. ,
'Well,' said I, 'then ye must have been
stooping over my beef barrel, for I found it
in the pickle !'
'With thar PoTifrciektd kind - of - she - e - piSh;
and I guess he saw the twinkle in my eye.'
_±Let_merlook-at-that-watch-again;"-said-he;
'lie looked at it a littlo while and then be
banded it bask to me.
'On the whole, Mr. Wiggins,' said be,
guess that ain't my watch, arter all. It must
belong to somebody else.' And with that
be walked off.
`I oarried the watch to our jeweler. and be
the works hadn't been pickled a bit, and for
ar he eleaned_it_up in good shape,lnd_
set it running.' It's a first rate timekeeper,
and I reckon that whoever took my beef' paid
ail it was worth.'
A GOOD ONE FOR Smoic.gas.—An aged
negress, whose eminent piety has secured
for her an extensive reputation, in walking
her usuaLrounds of visits, dropped in upon
a neighbor who was equally moll known
as a temperance man and a hater of tobac•
co.
After being courteously received, the ne
grtss pulled from her pocket a long pipe,
and commenced smoking some very `Union'
tobacco, to the infinite disgust of her host
The man maintained his composure several
minutes, but the fumes and smoke became
too powerful for him, and rising from his
chair he said:
'Aunt Chloe, do you think you are a
Christian ?'
'Yes, brudder, I specks I is'
'Do you believe in the Bible, aunty ?'
`Yee brudder.'
'Do you know there is a passage in the
Scriptures which declares that nothing un
clean shall inherit the kingdom of heaven ?'
'Yes, I've heard of it.'
'Do you believe it 1'
'Yes.'
'Well, Chloe, you can not enter the king.
dom of heaven. Because there is nothing
so unclean as the breath of a smoker. What
do you say to that ?'
'Why 1 specks to leave my breff behind
me when I go to heaven.'
Some individual proposes that instead of
licensing liquor dealers the persons who drink
should be made to take out a license. His
idea is, at least; original. Hear him :
No man should be entitled to drink unless
he first gets a license; and any bar-keeper
who should sell to an unlicensed party, sho'd
be• subject to fine and imprisonment. The
license should be annual, and the sum charged
should be from twenty to one hundred dol
lars. No young man should be allowed a li
cense till be was sixteen, and then until
twenty-one years of age, only beer license at
a moderate charge. After twenty.one he
should vote, drink, and chew tobacco On pay
ment of license, and the same privilege should
be extended to strong-minded wowed.
Matt's MISSION: —Visa Phoebe Cousens,
the St. Louis brunette, in a speech at the
Women's,' Righ is meeting on last Tuesday a
week, mentioned her recent
.discovery of
what the mission of the inferior being, man,
is. It is to clean the houshold:crockery, and
this she based on the authority of the Bible,
in the 21st chapter 2d Kings, 13th verse,
via: 'I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth
a dish; wiping it and turning it upside down.'
Miss C. dilute there is quite as wuob reason
in this as in tha.-tezta by which woman's
sphere is established.
A SUBLIME Tnouour.--The more we
sink into the infirmities of age, the nearer
we are to immortal youth. All persona are
young in the other world. That is an eter
nal spring, ever fresh and flourishing. , Now,
to pass from midnight into noon on the snd
den—to be decrepit one minute, and all spit
it and activity the neat—must be a delight
ful change. To call this dying is an abuse
of language. •
Three things to govern—Toraper, tongue
and conduct.
The New York special 'correspondent of
the Cincinnati Times relates the following
I heard a droll story yesterday' of a . men
chattt in town, between forty and fifty years
of, age, who recently.derermined to become a
Benediok. Hie choice fell upon the yoting
est of six sister, all un wedded. The lady was
young, pretty, and agreeable and . eminently
'fitted, the gent'eman thought, to prewide over
his establishment Aeeordingly,he proposed
to her, and considerably to his surprise, his
offer was delicately but decidedly declined.
Being of a philosophic mind, he mourned
not big failure ; but offered his hand to the
next older than his original choice.
She, too, declined. Nothing daunted, he
repeated it to the third, the fourth and the
fifth sinter, frith the same result . At , the
sixth and eldest he hesitated, for he had not
the slightest desire to make her his :wife.—
Still, considering it impolite to refrain from '
asking her to share his lot in life, having giv
en alt her sisters an opportunity, he made his
offer as Matter of form, and was as much sur
prised by being accepted as in the first in
stance by being refaged. flaring gotten
himself into the serape ' be made the best of
it, and shortly after led his bride to the altar.
A confidential friend, rallying him upon
the result some weeks after his marriage,
asked, 'But how is it, my dear fellow, that ,
out of a family of six daughte rs you selected
-
the eldest and leas
ith a sigh the merchant replied, "'Well,
you see, my wife, Elizabeth, wasn't my first
choice I fully intended to marry the young
est, Louise ; but when I proposed she de
clined. Tben I tried Ada, arid blery;:and
Clara, and Augusta, and: eaeh one said 'no'
immediately. I 'never• partieularly liked E
lizabeth; but for the sake of finishing, the
business promptly, I said the same thing to
her; and—well,-Twas considerably surprised
by being accepted.
'On the whole, perhaps, Elizabeth is the
best wife for me, if she' isn't_ interesting to
me, she certaioly'vron't be to other men.; so
I shall never be jealous of her And being
rather - dull and - phlegmatio she Il never get
her head full of women's rights and wrongs
and bore me to death, with discussions and
arguments when I want to road the paper or
go to sleep.
'Besides, she never interferes with any•
thing I want to do , ' and with supreme satis
hietion he lighted a cigar in the front draw
' 1 t st
it out w
A waggish 4 foutoaliet,-wbo is ofren merry
over his personal plainness, tells this story
on. himself. I went to a chemist the other
day for some morphine for a sick friend.—
The asistant objected to giving it to me
without a prescription, evidently fearing
that I intended to commit suicide. 4 Pshaw !'
said I, 'do I look like'a man who would kill
himseif ?' Gazing steadily at me a moment
he replied, don't know. It seems to me if
I ,looked like you, I should be greatly
tempted to kill myself.
A wicked old bachelor editor 'Down East,'
is responsible for the following: 'A girl at
Chester, Vermont, has died from tight la
cing. Those corsets should be done away
with, and if girls can't live without being
squeezed, we suppose men can be found who
would sacrifice themselves. As old as we,
are, we had rather devote three hours a day,
without a cent to pay, as a brevet corset, than
see the girls die off in that manner. Office
hours almost any time.
During a fine atarlight evening, a three
year old philosopher, after a silent and ap
parently profound scrutiny of the heavens,
asked his mother abruptly where the stars
came from. Mamma replied :
'I don't know, Vtrillie!
`Yes, you do, too.'
'No. Willie, I don't know where the stars
came from.'
'Well, you bet I do. The 'moon, laid
'em,'
During the Crimean war a lady was dis
tributing traets to the occupants of the lard
of a hospital, and was excessively shocked
to hear one poor fellow laugh at her. She
stopped to reprove the wretched patient.—
' Why, ma'am, said he, 'you have given me
a tract on the sin of dancing, when I havo
had both my legs shot off.'
Some impertinent chap advises the ladies
to get their ages ready, as the census takers
will soon be around. Twenty to twenty-four
was the popular figure ten years ago, It
will not probably range above this year.
A darky gives the following reason why
the colored race is superior to the white race;
'All men are made of clay, and like the
meerschaum pipe they are more valuable
when highly colored.'
Physicians warn persona to avoid the
night air, but what other kind can we breathe
after dark when we go to see a cousin or
somebody eise's sister?
A young lady, being asked by a rich • old
bachelor, if not yourself, who would you
rather be ? replied sweetly and modesty,
Yours truly,
A correspondent of a paper having de
scribed the Ohio as a sickly stream, the edi
tor appended the remark--'That's so ! It is
confined to its bed.'
Why is a man in a rage like a hard•baked
pie ? Beane he'e a little crusty- •
Why is a field of grass bike a person older
than yourself ? Bed :ruse it is pasti-ur-ays.
When is a Lawyer keenest? When ha
is fee blest.
',.,ntoh Handcuff' is the new name for
pre.ael.
5f2.00 Per ., lreaxi
111 ER 47
A Wire at Last: