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137 . W. 331alis.
VOLUME XXII.
AMR/ GM.
G. F., MDT,
MACHINE SHOP
LUMBER YARD
jHE 'encsdribers having enlarged tneir shops
and added the latest improved machinery for
working Wood and Iron, are now prepared to do
all kinds of Work in . their Line, and are raanufac.
Luring the
Willoughby's Gnm-Spring Grain and Fey
talizer Drill, Greatly Improved; The Cel
ebrated Brinkerhoff Cornsheller; Gibsons'
Champion Wnshing Machine; John Rid
dlesberger's Patent Lifting Jacks.
THE PROPALETORS
WAYNESBORO'
imnin PaIDN'Y
having furnished their shops with the latest im
proved Machinery for this Branch of Business, they
are new prepared to manufacture and tarnish all
--kinds-of '
t~.`~~r ~r~ ' .
ch--as-Sasll,—Doors,-.Eramea,ttVrir„ —}lll Tida
Mau!dings, some Eighteen Different Styles;
nice, Niuiring, Porticoes, &c. &c., Flooring, Weath
erboarding, and
ALL KINDS LUMBER,
We tender our thanks to Coe community • far their
liberal patronage bestowed upon us•and hope 'by
ri.ta-attention-to-Dusiness-to-inoliva-continuanee
of the-same. .
-
Also•acents for the sale of Dodge & StoYenson's
-Ktrby Valley Chief, and World Combined'
in; and M , wing Machines; and the ,celebrated
Clipper Mower
may 7, 18693
111 ME ERE MN,"
WAYNESBORO', PA:,
P/4_.__4 , -Bir,LJRNS Alt RIEION
PROPRIETOR,
ao 241 ;
ata.—Auld Larg Syne,
mylf true love was sick to death,
Trada, train, hia la,
Fa tall hep at her latest breath
Tra.fa, tra la,
Der race of•life could hot he run,
'l'ra-la, tra-la,
I d buy some Drugs •ot . A ralPrsou
'At the Drug Sane on air , Corner
If I was bald without a hair,]
'fra ht, trn In, tra In,
I'd laugh at that,.l would not care,
'frit la, tra In, tra la,
I'd bring them back, yes, every one,
'l'm In. tra In, tan la.
By Drugs I bought of Amberson
At the Drug Store on the Corner.
1r I was tanned to darkest (lye,
Tra'la, trii fa, tra la,
I would not care, I would not cr,7,
Pra la, nu Ia • tra la.
For soon a bleaching would be donq
'fra la, tra la, tra la •
By Prop I'd buy of Amberson
At the Ihug Store on the Corner,
Then three times three and tiger to,
Tra tra la, tra la. •
For what we know that they cgn do,
Tra la, tea la, tra la,
With chorus loud, the vict'ry won
Tra I s, tea la. tra In,
By Drugs. I bought of Amberson
At the Drug Store on the Corner.
TiRUGS—THE BEST AND PUREST ,AL
ways on had at
PtIN Ts . CHEMICAL AND 'MINERAL
Paint, White Load and Cobra, the best assort
ment in town at , •
M EROSENE, OILS, VARNISHES, DYEIS
all kinds at
BRUSHES,PAINT,VARNISH,SASH, HAIR
end Tooth Brushes at
T RUSSES AND SUPPORTERS AT
1-Epp RANDY, WHISKY, WINES AND RUM
1.3f0r medicinal use one
PATENT MEOICINES--ALL THE STAND
aid Point Medicines of the day at
TXTRACTS, FOR FLAVORING, PE RFU
mery and toilet articles generally at
TIHYSICI %NS PRESC RI PTIONS CA R
laity compounded at ..The Corner Drug Store."
July 16
11H81' 'TALL ARRIVAL!'
WELSH has just received a full assattment of
Goods, in his line of business. his stock
coronas in part, of all tho latest styles of Meti's and
bays
• HATS .AND. 0. PS .
Men's, Wome s n's, Misse's, Bop's and {Aildren's
BOOTS, GAFFERS, SHOES
end Slippers of ..every riesciiptioa. , Ladies and
Misses
• Z:l3 (3:;0 SZY t. 13 • a
BonnetFrames,Trimutinirst Sundowns and_ Mats
Dmas Trimmings,. Hoop
,Skirts, Hair Nets, Hair
Coils, °Airy, teloves, Parasols, Sun I.7zaherellas.
Fans, &c.
School, Blank end Miscellaneous Books,Station.
ery of all kinds; Notions.and Fancy Goods.
411 of which will tic sold as chean as the cheapest.
Vent. 1:.0 • • J: IL WELSH
"TAM FRICE,
D. B. atIOSELL,
SASH AND
at short nOtice
LTDY, rtztpK. &'CO
WAINESBOkO', FRANKLIN WIJr4ITI, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAVMORNING, MARCH 3, 1870:
p 7 sZlD_al °6i 41 it_44- 11 / 1 All
CLOUDED STIRS.
The daylight was fading softly " .
And I shut up my book with a sigh,
To wait for the larva of evening
To brighten• the twilight shy
And one after one they spangled
The beautiful arch above,
And answered my gaze as softly
As the eyes of the friends I love.
Dui soon o'er the blue sky's bosom
A shadowy cloud was drawn,
And the stars that bad beamed so brightly
Were all froM their!laces gone;
Yet I knew they wereialmly shining
Wheil the tky is forever clear,
And I knew that by patient waiting,
I should see them at length appear.
Then gently, oh I very gently
A delicate breeze swept by,
And brushed with its airy pinions
The clouds from the azure sky ;
And there, in their tranquil beauty,
Like pearls in a crystal rill,
TLe beautiful stare of heaven
Were shoring above me mil
JO! thus from-affection's circle
The 'ewels of love de . art • .
Thus falleth the clouds of darkness
And gloom on the mournior h
—'-Bet-when - frora - our - tearful faces
The shadows of eqrth shall fall,
When we put on dur robes immortal,
Then, then shall we see them all.
,~ i ►~ 'c
THE STORY OP A DIVER.
It is_a strange b_usinesm The danger_fas.
einates some e -but the-perilis never lost-sight
of. I put on the helmet for the first time
more than ten years ago, and yet I never
resumed it without a feeling that it may be
the last time I ever should go down. Of
course one has more confidence after awhile,
but there is something in being shut up in
armor weighed down with a hundred pounds,
and knowing that a leak in your life pipe is
your death, that no diver cap get rid of.—
And Ido not know that I should care to
banish the feeling, for the sight of the clear
blue sky, the genial sun, and the face of a
fellow-man- after long hours among the
fi4hes, makes you feel like one who Vas and.
dealy been drawn away from the grasp of
death. I have had some narrow escapes
while pursuing my strange profession; every
diver has, or has been unusually lucky to es
cape them.
I think the most dangerous place I ever
got into was going down to examine the
propeller Comet, sunk off Toledo In 'voila
mg about her bottom, I got my. air f ipe
coiled over a large sliver from the stoves
hole, and could not reach it With my hands.
Every time I sprang up co unlase the hose
nay tender would give use the 'slack' of the
line, thus letting me fall back aaaio
did not - understand his dotk.s, and did not
know what my signals on the life linen cant.
It was two hours and a half [dote I was
relieved, and there was not a moment that I
was not looking to see the hose cut by the
ragged wood. It's a strange feeling you
have down there. You go walking over a
vessel, tdamhering tip her sides, peering
here and there, and the fooling that you are
alone makes you nervous and uneasy.
Sometimes a vessel einks down so fairly
that she stand's up on . the bottom as trim
and neat as if she rode on the surface.—
Then you, can go down in the cabin, up the
shrouds, walk all over her, just as easy as a
sailor could abbe were still dashing away
before the breeze. Only it seems so quiet,
so tomblike; there are no waves down there
—only a swaying back and forth of the wa
ters, and a sea sawing o: the ship. You hear.
nothing from above. The great fiqhes Will
come swimming about, rubbing thefr noses
against your glass, and staring with a won
derful lock into your eyes. The very still
ness sometimes gives life a chill. You hear
just a moaning, wailing sound, like the last
cotes of an organ, and you cannot help think
ing of decd men floating over end around
you. •
• I have been awn especially to rescue the
bodies of those' droweeo. About lour years
ago the propeller Buckeye, belonging to the
Northern Transportation Company, went
down in the river St. Lawrence, in seventy.
eight feet of water; and it was known that a
mother and child-were sleeping in their State
room at the time of her sinking. The father
begged nettle, and ,offered me a great deal of
money to take out the corpses, and though
I dreaded the work, lat last consented. I
bad been all over the wreck two or three
times;aad knew just where the atate roam
was. The dour was fast locked, and I waited
a good. while before bursting it open.
Of course a dead person couldn't harm
you; but even in broad day, on shore, and
With people _around you,, don't you know
that the sight and presence of a dead person
brings, up solemn thoughts and nervous feel
logs ? 1 knew, how they would liak, how
they were floating around in the town, and
if the father hadn't been looking so wretched
above, there was no money to tempt me in
there: lint at last 1 . got a crowbar from for
wards, and not letting myself think, gave the
light door a blow which stove it in. The
water came rushing out, the vessel just then
lurched over towards my aide, and out they
came, the woman first, her 'oyes wide open
and hair trailing behind, arid in her ieft band
she held the hued of the child. I knew ho'w
.A.ll iri.C.3.9100113 Ci.!Eto*Lt• W i a1133.1,1, - Sr aTON7l7ol3Ell3Ciiii".
they ivould : look, but I sareamed out, and
jumped back. Her face was fearfully leis
totted, allowing how.hard death had bean
made, and the eyes looked through the gre4l
waters at we in a wey that, made my ftelh
creep. The child had died easily, l irs lltde
white face giving one no sign Of terror. i -
It was a good while before I fastened the
line to them and, gave the signal to haul g u i p n ,
00,4:,
,
following, This is one of the drawbacks to
any feeling of curiosity a diver might Other
wise have. 1 never. go down the hatchway
or tit-- cabin steps; without thinking of a
dead ...n floating about there. 'When the
Lac La i = le stink on St. Clair flats, the
engineer wa: caught in the rushing waters,
and no trace wa: . ver found of his body.—
His wife came to m-,
leering that I was to
go down to the wreck, a.d asked me to find
the body if possible. I remembered this
when I went down, and went groping through
the engine-room io momentary expectation
of encountering the dead body. I looked so
long without finding it that 1 got nervous,
add had started,for the ladder to go up,
when I felt something strike my helmet and
give way, and a chill went dancing over me
as I thought the dead body was at hand.—
But on reaching, I found that I had run a
gainst the fire-hose '
the end of which was
hanging down, and that which I se dreaded
was stillbidden beyond my sight.
A diver does not to go down more
than' one hundred nod twenty feet; at that
. depth the pressure is pa'nf'ul, and there is
danger of internal injury. I can stay down
for five or six. hours at a time at a hundred
and fifteen or twenty feet, and do a good
d"ej of bard work. Ia ha_seaters_oLLake__
Huron the diver can see thirty or forty feet
uwaY, but_the_other_lakes_vvilLacreem_a_ves._ _
isol_That, ten fee atam_y_o_u.
Up here, you seldOm think of accident or
death, but a hundred feet of water washing
over your bead would set you to thinking.
A little stoppage of the air-pump, a leak in
your hose a careless action on the part of
your tender, and the weight of a mountain
would press the life out of you before you
could mote. And you may 'foul' your pipe (
or lino you elf; erd — in — yourt este - brit' g—on
what you (Wad. loften get ruftiose Broiled
stair or rail, and generally release it with•
out much trouble ; the bear idea of what a
slender thing holds back the clutch of death
-oft my throat makes a coli sweat — start from
every pore.—Englisk Magazine.
A Beautiful Sentiment
Sixteen• years ago Rev. J. W. Maffit, then
in his prime, delivered a lecture which closed,
with the following passage:
'The Phaaix, a fabled bird of antiquity,
when it felt the advancing;
chills of age, built
its own funeral urn, and o.
fired his pyre by
means which nature's instincts taught. All
its plumage and its . forrn efbeauty became
ashes, but then would rise the young—beau
tiful from the urn of death and chamber of
dt , etry would the fledgeling came, with its
eyes turned to she sun, and essaying its dirk
velvet wings sprinkled with gold and hinged
with silver, on the balmy air, rising a little
higher, until at length, in the lull confidence
of.flight, it gives a cry of joy, and seen be
comes a glittering speck on the bosom of the
asrial ocean. Lovely voyager of earth, bound
on its heavenward journey to the sun I So
rises the spirit bird from the twins of the
body, the funeral urn which its Maker bath
the death fires. Se towers away to its home
in the pure elements of spirituality, intsile.et
Pbee rix, to dip its proud wings into the
fountain of eternal bliss. So shall dear pre
cious humanity survive from its ashes of the
burning world. So beautilully shall the urn
changed soul soar within rho disc of eternity's
luminary with undazzled eye arta unscorched
wings—the Phi:o3hr. icumertality—taken to
its rainbow home, and cradled on the beating
bosom of eternal love.
PROPRlETY.—Merriment at a funeral, or
in the house of worship, is not only disgust
ing, but painfully abhorrent to all our kind
and respectful feelings There is a simple
and beautiful propriety, pleasing to all', which
gives grace to the manners, beauty to the
person, sweetness to the disposition, and
loveliness to the whole being, which all
should strive to possess. It is to be neither
too gay not too grave—too gleesome nor too
sad; nor either of these at improper places.
It is to be mirthful, without being silly ; joy.
ous, without being foolish; sober, without
being despondent, to speak plainly without
giving offense to be grave ) without casting
a shadow over others. In fine, it is' to be
what every body loves and nobody 'dislikes,
and just what makes us and others happy.—
Thie is propriety ; and those who possess
this richest flowering virtue 8f the soul,
which breathes ambrosial sweetness along
every walk of life, get the credit of posses•
sing its counterpart, that rare quality of
character honored everywhere, humbly claim.
teued common sense, universally aoknowl•
edged to be the best of all sense.
Make no vows of enmity while %you ore
smarting under a sense of uegteet or cruelty;
pain speaks with little j ropriety,. Busy.
bodies are almost always idlers. The less
business a, ruse has the more he meddles with
that of hit; neighbors. Make a note of this.
Never.euffer your courage to exert itself io
fierceness, your resolution in obstinacy, your
wisdom iu cunning, nor your patience in
sullenness and despair. Whatever parent
gives his children good instruction anti sets
them at the same time s bad example, may
be oonsidered as bringing them food in one
hand and poison in another. • •
Justneake up your mipd kefore you. start
out horn home that you will look on the
sunniest side of everything, enjoy yoursilf
as,toueh os yovari, and use every eudeavor
to make the journey ita *agent to those
around you,,aud it will be very silaular if
soonboily . tuft the better tor it t H•
t Pearls Of: Thought.
Si/rely happiness,rale - eave s Hite the
4 . 10 , of heaven; „end ()Very countenance
bright with suttlek_andsloVing with inno
cent I enioyttelit ) ,is tilnirrot transmitting• to
otia4i,e the rays of a supreme' and ever-Shin
ing henevolonce.
Ili thou art rich, then show the greatness
of thy fortune; or what is better, the great
pl-threoul-'-in-the-meekttess-ef-th-y-con.
versation. Con descend to men of low estate,
support the distressed, and. patronise the
neglected 4 Be great.
There are souls which fall from heaven
flowers; bat ere the pure and fresh
buds can open, they are trodden in the dust
Ot the earthand lie soiled and crushed un
der the-foul tread.of some brutal hoof. •
What 'the sun is to nature, what God is
to the stricken heart which kuows how to
lean upon Him, are cheerful, persons in the
house sod by the wayside.
Be true to - your manhood's conviction, and
in the end you will , not only be respected by
the world, lint have the approval of your
conscience.
.\ '
As the a-41;owever rich it may be, can
not be pt iiibtive without culture, so the
mind, with 7.o.3:,linltivation, can never pro•
duce good tit.
To think of each other is good, to
speak - kindly of each other is better, but to
act kindly cLe, toward another, best of all.
How much/ more we might make of our
_family life, of 'our friendships," if every se
cret thought of love blossomed into a deed?
Base all your actions, upon a principle of
right; preserve your integrity of character,
and, doing this, never reckon the cost.
Aid hot ir ri_w_lioarlittle_aome_enjoy_
the great things they possess, there would
trot_be_so : much_env_y_ia_the_world.
Marry 'of the waves of trouble 'like those
of the ocean, will, if we await them calmly,
break. at our feet and disappear.
Otte of the dust important rules of the
science of maniers is an almost absolute si
lence in regard co yourself.
There 14 nothing like a fixed, steady aim,
with an honorable purpose. It dignifies na
lure, and insures success.
Underthe - greatest - provocationsot-igrour
wiidom and duty t,
bridle our passions
Be deaf to the quarrelsome, blind to the
scorner, and dumb to those who are inischie•
vously inquisitive
If you would not have affliction visit you
twice listen at once to what it teaches.
He who would govern others, first should
be the master of himself.
Endeavor for the best, and provide against
the worst.
What am I to Be ?
This is an important question for all, but
it has a special pertinency to the young.—
The problem of their personal destiny, in
the 'cause which deierwitie it, is net yet
solved. What sort of men or women they
will be, what position they willoccupy, and
what part•they will not in the after-history
of life, are questions as yet held is reserve.
Being io the commencement of their jour.
ney, •they have before. them the programme
of the coming future.
The child is the man in embryo, and the
man is but the child matured. What the
one is, usually decides what the other will
be. Here is a lad of ten years, How will
he appear in adult age? What position will
he fill? What attainments will be possess 7
What will be hi - hits and character as
then formed ':' his be an industrious,
competent, virtu t ud well finished man,
or an indolent, .le., lees, incompetent, and
useless being God .tics established a coo.
unction between the e -flier and later periods
of life that we can no more, change than we
C,113 tear the stare from their positions in
space Childhood and youth form the ele
mentary Lases of manhood.
It is the sad misfortune and fault with a
great many young people that they do not
see this truth io season to profit by it; yet
in after.years, they will see it, and in after
years they will feel its power. There is no
dodging it, and no chaugiog it. Later years
may regret the follies of the earlier period;
but this does not recover the period, or by
any means remedy all its entailed evils
Recollect this, young map, you who have a
future of honor to secure, or of 'disgrgee to
suffer.
First, be right in tlie foundation princi.
plesef life, and then be what you are with
all your might.*
"A MAN AND A BILOTITER" TN Tag VHS.-
OIRIA. SENATE —lu thd Virginia 'Senate, a
few days age, quite a sensation was created
by Mr. Muscly, a'negro Senator from Grotch
land. Ile mese to explain a vote he had
given, wheel the President told him his ex
planation was out of order, sod upon Mosely
insisting upon speaking, ordered him to sit
down. The' order was o!reyed., Subsequent
ly, by general consent; Mesely , wan allowed
to make his explanation, in the course of
13 ,
which he uttered this ate-thrust :
"Moreover, gentlem n,'.l havesome of the
best white blood of Vi , inia contain?, in my
veins. On one, side Ic u claim as high and
honorable descent as any, Senator in this,
chamber, Gentlemen, Tam your brother !
I OW also the colored man ' s brother, I rep
resent, both races 'I ant Angio-Saxou and
Anglo-African, aod I desire to do justice to
my kin on both sides ",. •
Mosely is described as a dark mulatto, of
good '•form, fine end intelligent face, about'
45 years of age, and u fineat and tolerably
correct speaker.
'Now, speak)" you was t.;..l)ti turned'into an
aniroal,'• Add Jim. 'what would you like to
be, 'Oh, I'dte, a lic ; C; replied
.'O, I'd be a lion,' because he's so—" Ob.
no, don% be a lion, •interrupted little
Tom, who had some recent paieful experience
at school, 'be a wop, and Ilea, you eau sting
the sc ! bool tattstet.' •
eep our temper, an
AR Incident of the War.
When our troops undei Getieral McClellan,
penetrated the mountain rine of West Vir.
gtnia, in may, 11$01, they Tneountered in a
quiet nook on the side of Laurel' Ridge, a
'venerable matron standing in the door of a
log cabin. One of the= men imaged her
with:,
Well, old lady, whiney your flag?'
.aiga it ot_noz agy L ! m4 f I
Wel!, then, which aide are you for ?'
don't know what you mean,' she an
swered, in astonishment.
'Are you secesh r asked the man, amused
At her ignorance.
'No, 1 hain't,' she rejoined, emphatically :
• 'Are you Union ? .
'No, I tell you.'
'Well, what are you ?'
'l'm a good, plain taptist—that's what I
am.' • . .
Thd man laughed heartily, and at last one
of them said :
'You'll not refuse to-hurrah for 'Old Abe,'
will you, old lady ?'
4 Who is 'Old Abe ?' asked the dame, grow
ing more astonished every minute. "
'Abraham Lincoln, the President of fhb
United States.' -
* i
'Why, hain't. Gin ral W
,ash ngton Prear.
dent ?'
'No, ha's been dead for more than sixty
years.
iGia'ral Wasliiaoori dead !' she fa!
screamed. Then rushing into the cabin / she
called 'Sam ! Sam Z'
,
'Well, what is it, mbther ?' said a voice
within.
_ltta_moment _she reapp.earetLat—the---doo
with a veteran of fifty, who the M6O alter
wards_learned_wae_har_aon.
_' Why, only think, Sam,' she cried, excited
ly. 'Wend Washington's dead. Sakes
alive ! I wonder there going to happen
next I'
Circumstances Alter Cases
A good story - is told of a colored member
elect of the Virginia Assembly, who, being
nearly white, was able' tikrisss at the leading
-- W as bing ton - h - ote le - f or - a — Cuban. Here hi - a -
Te`bt
°thole] position brought bim in contact with
hungry Virginian politicians who treated him
with considerable deference,end were care
ful to say nothing of his African origin.-.
About this time an old_Yirginia_J_udge_eame
along and recegniiing in the supposed Cuban
one of hie former slaves and he, in turn,
recognized the Judge, addressed him famil
iarly. The old Judge was °furious at his
presumption, saying : 'You impudent nigger,
you, I don't want your
. acquaintance.' 'Oh,
but you may need my services, Judge,' said
_the-humble legislator. 'No, I will die first,'
replied the Judge,_growing more irate at the
presumption of his ez•slave. Just here one
of the Jhdge's friends, who was familiar with
all the facts whispered in hie ear, that the
negro was a member of the Assembly of
Virginia, and that as (the Judge) was a can
didate for a district judgeship—which, under
the new constitution of
,Virginia is made
elective by the assembly—it might be as
well for him to treat the darkey civilly, with
a view of getting hie vote. This put a new
phase on things. The Judge's demeanor to
ward the'darkey wag suddenly ehangedr—
When he had. dispelled the late 'unpleasant
ness' sufficiently, to admit of the proposition,
the judge said, looking directly at the negro
assemblyman.; 'Gentlemen, suppose we all go
up to my room and take .a drink.
PARTING mill DEAD-HEADS.—The Al
bany Express had a supply 'of non-paying
`patrons
• It bids them good bye in the fol
lowing tender terms: 'This week we strike
from our list about fifty names who will 'not
pay their dues to the printer. In doing so
we take them by the band, and, with • tears
is our eyes, bid them un effectionate farewell.
Good-bye, old subs ! Take care of your
selves. • Sometimes think of the Express,
which you have had so long for -nothing.--
Sponge upon other printers now for awhile.
A change of diet will doubtless be good for
you. Poor old fellows! We are a little
sorry to turn you out upon the dark night,
without a lamp, but it must be so. &like
for the nearest neighbor's light. He may
let you in and feed you far a year or two,
upon the strength of your honorable prom
ism to pay at the end of time; rot our
selves we have enough of those curios pledges
to supply oureabinet for the present. We
have labeled them carefully, and they are
open to general inspection. With many
thank' for your self-sacrificing indulgence
to us, and your honest appreciation of obli
gations existing toward our, °Erie, we again
and finally say, farewell forever.
A i icE YOUNG MAN.—The only practi•
cal
.jse in which Mr. Barham was, ever per
sonally engaged, was as u boy at. Canterbury,
when watt a school tallow,
,now . a valiant
Major, 'famed for deaden! . Innis,' he entered
a Quaker meeting house; looking around at
the assembly, the 'latter held up a penny
tart, and said solemnly •
'Whoever speaks first shall bare
,this
'Go thy way,' aaswered• a drab colored
gentleman risiug, 'go.thy way ; and—'
'The pit's yoursosir,' exclaimed Barham,
placing it before the astonished speaker, and
hastily effecting his eicape.
A Yankee one day asked his lawyer how
an heiress might be carried off. !You caw
not do it inch safety,' said the counsellor,
'hut I'll tell you, what you may do. Let her
mottat'a horse and hold, a bridle arbip';. do
yea then mount behind her, and you are
safe, for she runs away with yon.' The next
day the lawyer found that it was. his own.
daughter who had 'tun away with his client,
There is'a young. lady in town eo modest
that ahe had. a young map. turned . 014 t: of
iloorasfor saying that the witty had drifted:
smoo p 14930. aexV.
Hanging al !fustian&
The DaVeuport (Iowa) Democrat says :
Hans is good at,‘pitch,' tot not success.
fut as a provider. He won't wake money for .
hittiselt, and spends what Gretchen makes.
She intervisired drtiggist. , He promised
arsenic, smelt-a 'rat; put Hans on his guard;
and gale Gretchen starch 'instead of poison.
Hans threw ap his hand and went home. It
• •!,-! rs i or
an hour or two by the side of the would be
murderess. The next day everything moved
onlist the same. Haas didn't' eat a very
badly breakfast, and went up town to buy
his provender.
At discos time he came home hungry,.
and pitched into the victuals with unspeaka
ble avidity.. Hie jaws soon lighted on the
treacherous starch. Ile gave a yen' and
doubled hinistilf up like a wounded boa con
strictor. fell on the floor and had spasms.
Inshort, he took on scollopit high. His wife
eat . by,' Copying the spectacle and tenderly
ingairiag i ,24W hat is der matter wit Hans r
When he, bad become insensible she went up
stairs, three at a time, and let down a good
sized rope throUgh an auger hole into the
room where Hans lay. Then she aims doWn
and fastened the rope around his neck, peop•
, peel
,him up in a Sitting position, and again _
went-up stairs. .
But Hans had en inkling of her fell intent •
and, coming to himself. with remarkable
presence of mind he quickly undid the noose
_from_his_ueck_andeslipped-it-around-the-leg
of the dinner table, then he calmly sat down
in a chair and awaited deielopments. The
way that table lit across the floor the next
minute was a caution. It was yanked all
ut-ef-itha-pei-ari-every dish on .it smashed -
into a thousand pieces, and they the piece of
furniture-drawn-tight-up-againiit-the_cieiling._ _
Soon after was heard the voice of his beloved
wife from the upper chamber window, calling
out in accents of grief that her dear ord had
committed suicide, and the neighbors 'cow
' menced to run to the house. Coming down
stairs she met the irate Hans, who advanced
threateningly, brandishing a formidable
awiteb, with which he proceeded to belabor
' her moat unmercifully. Gretchen could not
see chew it come to was l- 11.6t. oould
swallow poigon with impunity, and giVes- it.
up as a had job. Hans enjoys his onstomary•
evening game, and has his opinion of a man
who can't govern his household.
A colored cook, expecting company of her
own kidd, was at a loss to know how to en•
Certain her friends. Her mistress field:
'Polly, you must make an apology.",,
'La, Misses, how can I make' it ? :Get no
apples, no eggs, no butter, no Win to make
it wid,' _ • '
Somebody says that Ike's last trick was to
throw Mrs. Partington's gaiter in the alley,
and then call the old lady down from the
third story-to see an alley-gaiter
have called her jut before he threw the
gaiter from the window ; and asked her see
•Shoo. Fly.'
• -
(.Iluisitive chap asked a soldier "with
an empty sleeve, how he lost his arm.
go a thistahing , machine,' answered the
soldier.
Were you rooning e the mullion ?'
'Well, no; Geo Grant bad obarge.
Of all the deslaritions of love, the most
admirable one was that which a young gen
tleman made to a your lady, who asked
him to show her the picture of the one he
loved, when he immediately presented her
with a mirror. ,•
'Biddy,' timid a lady to her servant, 'I wish
you would step over and soo how old Mrs.
Jones is this morning v In a low moments
Biddy returned with the :information that
.Mrs. Jones.was just seventy-two years, seven
mouths and two, days old.
A dyin g Irishman was asked by his con
fessor if h e was ready to renounce the devil
and all his works. 'o,' your • honor,' said
Pat. 'don's ask me that ; I am going to a
strange country, And 1 don't intend to mks
'myself enemies.
'I say,. boy, stop that ox r haven't got
no stopper." Well, head him, then.' fle's
already beaded, air? 'Confound your im•
pertinence, turn hire !' 41e'srigbt side out
already, sir.' 'Speak to hite,_you raseaLyoul'
'Good morning, kir. ' _
A little three-year old girl in New Orleans
recently astociehed her mother, who attempt
ed to correct her, by motioning her away
with her chubby little hand and scornful:y
saying : •Shoo, fly, don't budder me L'
~A sob
on beinf
walked/
The . 7 Aclue' r Piser
says (gni (11 which the
Almighty reaps the harvest of fools:
•
dentist ou.t West 1d• to give iQ the
btber day ; a bid wan Vid "anew net.. of - teeth
put in a five coMb,
1— - •
-
lir hp should a. man never, marry a woman •
named Elmo ? - Because by sodoiag, be rive
his own KEite//..) •
Why jars hen immortal 7 Beomse heron
never.. seta. The author of this 'eon' has
gone - to ro'ost: •• -
",tV.hy sre;bald cads, like heaven Z BeL
canoe there is uo , diCe)ing or parting there.
Younglidies.4jp generally honest, bat
they will hook drifses.,
for • like a muse
book I Sbn lire.
NOIBER 34
ticin in Psalms,
pestilence that
:(1, 'Bugs.'