. .
....... •
' ' ' ‘.• .
,-,( • .
~ ,
• .: , , _
• • . _
_ ~..
. • •
, (I)
::‘,3404T:47 ; ...‘"-.....•'::t... z :,•,. 5 . -=• ,- . - • .
~.„..,
.......
•
Li
, _ . ~,A.,„,....„5.,,,,,........_
,
1 I\
( l i l i eJ i IE . I .
1 11 l' . • ____ ~ , _vAk.
= -:: .• ~...- .. .
sy
.. ~..•1....1 . .., jail .,
._ . t . -'.• - 4.11.1 DZ , ~ '. 4 1k6111-. 0 7,
.. •
',;;-• "`..7-..'.......-IPPPfr.:-.-...;;::::17,.=•*...r.1::;..
,
,
NM . ' 'V;C". • ". "'' ' ' .l... .. * . !, .....Z.. ^ , , ..: .‘.'c. - ',-
333 r NAT. 331.etir.
lOLUME XXII.
. I. 'AD'iIEtIVE-E
01 1 iALER TN
DRUGS,.
C-h-ern i c a
PATENT MEDICINES,
PREPARATIONS FOR THE HAIR,
OILS, PAINTS,
VARNISHESES,
ate. &e.
--o---
G:rPhysicians dealt with
at 20 per cent. discount.
Waznesboro' Hotel Building,
WAYNESBORO', PA.
March 27, 1868
"ECONOMY IS IVLILTII 1"
SECOND ARRIVAL OF FALL AND WIN
TER GOODS, ju,t received by HITESHEW
GEH(2
We sell them as cheap as The cheapest and dis
count five per cent all cash bills of ep . ' 1.00 and over.
— Call and examine our sto4{ and receiva interact
for your cash by purchasing a bill.
Remember ttlJt "five cents saved is ton cents
made."
A. fine lot of Shawls and Balmards br sale
by & GEAR
A splendid assortment of Dress G.,otls for sale
by firrusnEw & Gum.
lifuslins, Gingham and all kinds of stap!e and
fancy Dry Goods for sale
by
HITESHEW & EUE
A full line of Hardware, Queensware, Ceder
ware, Groceries, Notions, Hats, Boots,
Shoes, Drugs, Ivlolicines, Paints,
nod Oils for sale
& Ginn,
Carpets, floor and table Oil Cloth for:4lle
by HITESIIKNY & GEHR,
Ringgold, Md.
N. B. We also have about 20,00 Q ket o I seasoned
poplar timber, which we will sell at reasons ble
prices.
jan 1
CORNUCOPIA.
Waynesboro , Bakery, Confectionary
OYSTER SALOON.
THE well known and popular Restaurant 'and
Saloon formerly kept by Wm B. Croll-40. has
been leased by the undersigned. They are devoting
their entire time and attention to the business of ca
tering for their friends and the•public, and ready to
supply the luxuries of the season. OYSTERS,
CRABS, LOBSTERS, TURTLES, TRIPE,
CHICKENS, &c., &c., will be served up et short
notice and by the beet of cooks. In fact and in
short, we aim to keep a first class Eating House
and to please the appetite of all who may favor us
with a call. At all times the best ALE can be had
on draught, for proof of which call and try the arti
cle. We have a saloon fitted up expressly for the
Ladies.
Thankful for the encouragement we have re
ceived thus far, we hope to merit a still greater share
of public patrunage.
nov 20] HENNEBERGER & HOOVER.
MILLINERY GOODS !
TO THE LADIES!
RS. C. L. ROLLIN I:IERGER has just re
ceived a full supply of new Millinery goods.
allies are invited to call and examine her stock.
GOOD TEMPLAR REGALIAS supplied
pr the material to make them furnished. •
E *rICgL.
MOTHER, HOME AND HEAVEN.
The sounds that fall on mortal ear,
As dewdrops pure at even,
That soothe the breast or start the tear,
Are mother, home and heaven.
A mother—sweetest name on earth,
NVe lisp it on the knee,
And idolize its sacred worth
In manhood's infancy.
A home—that paradise below,
Of sunshine and of flowers,
Where - hallowed - kvs - perenni3l
By calm, wluestcre.l bqwers
And heaven—that port of endless peace,
The haven of tha sou!, °
When H.'s corroding cares shall cease,
Like sweeping waves to roll.
O weep not then, though cruel time
The ch iin of love has riven ;
To every link, in yonder dime,
Re-union shall be given.
Oh, fall they not on mortal ear,
As dew-drops pure at even,
To soothe the breast, or stirt the tear,
A mother, home and heaven !
A GOOD STORY FOR LAWYERS
It is probable that every lawyer' of any
. • • and of the celebrated Luther
Martin, of Maryland. his great (Iron in
the case of Aaron Burr, as well as liks dis
plays_in_the_Seriate of the United States,
will never be forgotten. Trifles in the his
tory of genius are important, as we hope to
show in this story.
Itlr---M-a-rtin—was on his way to Annapolis,
to attend the Suprerue Court of the State.
A solitary passenger was in the stage with
him; and as the weather was extremely cold,
the passengers soon resorted to conversation
to divert themselves from too much sensibili
-47-to the inclement weather. The young
man knew Martin by sight, and as he was
also a lawyer, the thread of talk•soon began
to spin itselt out of legal matters.
'Mr. Martin,' said the young man; am
-just-entering upon my career as a lawyer,
can you tell me the secret of your great sue
cos If, sir, you will give mo from your
experience, the key to distinction at the bar
I will—'
'Will what?' exclaimed Martin, -
'Why, sir, I will pay your bill while you
are at Annapolis,'
'Done. Stand to your bargain now, and
I'will furnish you with the great secret of
my success; it is contained in one little maxim
which I laid down early to guide me. if
you follow it you cannot fail to succeed
It is this :"Always be sure of your evi
dence.'
, The listener was very attentive—smiled
—threw himself back i n a philosophical
posture, and gave his brain to the analysis,
with true lawyer patience, of—'Always be
sure of your evidence.'
It was too cold a night for anything to be
made peculiarly out of the old man's wis
dom, and so the promising adept in maxim
learning, gave himself up to stage dreams,
in which be was knocking and pushing his
way through the world by the all powerful
words,.'Always be sure of your evidence !
The morning came, and Mr. Martin with
his student took rooms at the beat hotel in
the city. The only thing peculiar to the
hotel, iu the eyes of the young man, was that
the wines and the et eeteros of the fine living,
seemed ti 2 recall very vividly the tuaxiai
about the evidence.
The young man watched Mr.. Martin.—
Wheiever eating and drinking were eon.
eerned he was a man indeed to he watched,
especially in the latter, as he was immoder
ately fond of the after-dinner, utter supper,
atter everything • luxury of wine. A few
dais were sufficient to show the iocipiest
legalist that he would have to pay dearly
for his knowledge, as Mr. Martin seemed
resolved to make the most of his part of the
con tract.
H. & G
Lawyers, whaher young or old, have le
gal rights, and so the young man began to
think of the study of self-protection. It
was certainly a solemn duty It ran through
all creation. Common to animals and men,
it was a noble instinct not to be disobeyed,
particularly where the hotel bills of a law
yer were concerned. The subject daily grew
on . the young man, It was all absorbtog
to the mind and pocket: A week elapsed,
Mr. Martin was ready to return to. Balti
more. So was the young man, but not
in the same stage with his illustrious teach
er:
Mr. Martin approached the counter in the
bar room. The young man was an anxious
spectator near him.
•Mr. Clerk,' said Mr. Martin 'my young
friend, Mr. , will settle my bill, agree
able to the engagement.'
The young man said nothing, but looked
everything
'He will attend to it, Mr. Clerk, as we
have already had a definite understanding
on the subject. lie is pledged, profession
ally pledged, to pay my bill,' he hurriedly
repeated.
Where is yoar evidence r asked the young
man
'Evidence T' sneered Mr. Martin.
(Yea vir,' said the young man demurely,
.elhonsts be sure ofyour evidence, Mr. Martin.
Can you prove the bargain.
Mr. Martin saw the pnare, and pulled his
oct 23 ft
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PVINSYLVANIA, FRIDAY MORNING
Xx?.clorieri clecat WeevirEstwarbee33r.
pocket book, paid the bill, and with great
good humor assured the 'young man :
'You will do, sir, and get through the
world with your profession without advice
from me.'
Good and Bad Luck.
Henry Ward Beecher once remarked :
'When I see a tatterdemalion creeping out of
a grocery late in the afternoon, with his
hands stuck in his rockets, the rim of his
hat turned up, and the crown knocked in,
I know he has bad luck—for the worst of all
luck is to be a sluggard and a tippler.' In
that remark he struck the key note of all the
croaking about bad luck. The bad luck men
meet with, is a consequence of their own acts
and mismanagement. Who ever heard of an
early-rising, hard-working, honest man cow -•I
plain of bad luck ? - A good character, gOod
habits, and iron industry, are impregnable to
the assaults of all the ill luck that fools ever
dreamed of.
We once knew a man who lost his leek in
the river, where he idled away his time in
fishing ; when lie should have been in his of
flee. Another, with a lucrative business,
lost his luck by amazing diligence in the at
fairs of,other people instead of his own,—
Another, who was honest and constant at hie
work, erred by mijudgment; he lacked dis
cretion. Hundre.is lose their luck by en,-
dorsing, by sanguine speculitions, by -trust.
log fraudulent men, by dishonest gains.
A man never has ealaci_luck-wlio-has-a - •i •
wile. --ne-liv_es_and " su ccesses--o f-such—to en
as Stewart and Peabody were not governed
by any snob a thing as 'good or bad luck.'
They rose to their positions of power and
hilluence by puck instead of luck; indomita
ble perseverance, continuity of purpose, hon
esty of intentionTin - tegrity - of - charactec - were ---
the stepping stones, the Jacob's ladder of
their SUCCOSS.
Something to Set Us Thinking.
Ninety years hence, not a single man or
woman, now twenty years of age, will be a
live. Ninety years !—Alas ! how many of
the lively semis at present on the stage of
life will make their exit, long ere ninety years
shall have rolled away ! And could we be
sure of ninety years, what aro they? 'A
tale that is told;' a dream ; an empty sound,
that passeth on the wings of the wind away,
and is forgotten. Years shorten•as man ad
. aces in age Like the degrees in longi
tude, man's life declines as he travels toward
the frozen pole, until it dwindles to a point
and vanishes forever. Is it possible that life
is of so short duration? Will ninety years
erase all the golden names over the doors in
town and country, and substitute others in
their stead 7 Will all the new, blooMing
beauties fade and disappear ; all the pride and
passion, the love, hope-and joy, pass away in
ninety years and be forgotten ? 'Ninety
years,' says Death, 'do you think,l shall wait
nine ty.years ? Behold, to day and to-mor
row, and every day or aline When ninety
years are -past, this generation will have
mingled with the dust and be remembered
no more I'
DISAOREEABLE WOMEN,•-••A disagreea
ble woman is like a vacuum; there is no place
fer her in nature. She is a parody upon
herself If there is a touch of beauty about
her, she gives these she meets the sort of
shock one would feel on taking what appears
to be wine, and is in reality .vinegar. Fort
unately she very seldom is beautiful, in the
true sense of the word Nature does not
lend itself to shams. It is pitilessly exact
ing. Sweetness of face must result how
sweetness of disposition. The face is not
a mask, but a mirror. It reveals everything
with terrible ingenuousness. Amiability is
not to be simulated to the observant eye.—
You cannot stamp the marks, the lines, the
flowing curves of the agreeable on your face,
unless you have the quality in your breast.
For this reason the disagreeable woman is
never really beautiful. Her features, at
their best, remind you of etchings; the ef.
Wets have been 'bit in' by acids The forms
of the disagreeable in woman aro infinite, but
the effect of all is the same. In place of at.
traction there is revulsion; in place of love,
pity—if not scorn; in place of happiness,
friar discontent. The disagreeable woman is
iiksome to every created thing, including
herself, There is positively, only one way to
deal with her'—turn her into a jiike. In
that way she may be made tolerable like the
Frenelituan".B slippers— useless, but just avail
able as the basis of a gageut.
There is a curious hill now pending, in the
Legislature of Kentucky. It is to legalize
the marriage of Dr. M. 11. Tborp and Jo.
sephine Harvey, although the lady has a for
mer husband still living from whom she has
never been divorced. This former spou:•e
was a Confederate officer, and was universal•
ly believed to have beeii killed in the battle
of Stone River. Some ten months after that
event, the lady was wattled anew to Dr.
Thorp, and was living iu felicity with him,
when suddenly the dead husband reappeared
upon the stage of life. Like a perfect gen.
tleman, he made no disturbance, but offered
the lady.thc choice between herself and her
second and newer partner. She chose the
latter, and Mr. Harvey gave his consent and
blessing. But this did not. suffice to render
the marriage legal, and for this purpose the
parties have gone to the Legislature.
The Finn of John Sears, who died tan years
ago in Boston, is fourteen years old and the
richest young man in America, the assessed
value of his real estate being $20,000,000.
He receives $2,500 yearly until he is 21,
then $4,000 until 24, then $6,000 until 30,
and after that $20,000 per annum. The
three trustees have a salary of $5.000 each.
and the commissions received from rents
equal in Aount the salary of the President
of the United States. Young Sears is now
studying in Europe.
Perils of the Young_.
Young people, says t h e Philadelphia
Ledger, cannot be too careful to avoid bad
habits. If a young man be idle, he will
make others idle. If he be dishonorable in
business, or extravagant, or does not pay
his debts, ho saps that credit, confidence
and honor which is the life of business pros.
perity. Where these or others vicious prin
ciples prevail among the youth of a nation,
it may sink into degradation, and eventually
be destroyed. On the other hand, vbere
an industrious, orderly, just, and honorable
character pertains to the youth of a people,
it insures the welfare and progress of the
nation at large. In youth comes the crisis
of life. Those who choose well, rise like
the rowing sun, higher a'd higher, but
those wle fail at this crisis, sink among the
perils that surround them, often to rise no
more. At no time are passions and energy
so strong, and experience so weak, as at the
poiftt where parents and guardians relin.
quish authority, and the young man assumes
the responsibility of directing himself. It
is then that the mind and the body are
strong, courage, hope and enterprise ardent
and the appetites and inclinations.poweiful.
Passions, when latent in- the breast, need
but a spark of teml tation to inflame them.
If they were all pure, and properly har
monized, the young wan would pethaps
find in them that which Would give strength
to his virtue and an instinct, which, sup
plyittliie'e-of-experienco, would guide
him aright. But it is nut so. lie may have
inherited the moral delinquencies of the pa
rent as much as his physical disorders.—
The currents a n d fashions of prevailing
wickedness make it difficult for a young
man to keep clear of them. What avails
the skill of the mariner in the - midst - of the
whirlpool ? He may steer by his compas.,
and set bis sails, and seem to be moving a
right, while he is really_ drifting in the fa
tal current. The young man, led by his
youthful associates into 'the haunts of dissi
pation, and vice, is being insensibly drawn
into the fatal current. He may be amiable
and even innocent at first, but after a time
his face is flushed, and his brow contracted
with anxiety; for he feels that be is rushing
into the whirlpool of guilt that may end in
his destruction.
Good habits firmly fixed are the best
thing to guide the youth through the jour
ney of life in a wise and honorable manner.
Money cannot do it; nor talents or educa
tion, nor powerful connections and fashion
able manners. -Neither can philosophy, or
even innocence and amiability do it. All
these may fade before temptation, like snow
before the sun. Earnest and active devo
tion to duty, to virtuous principles, and -the
practice of honor, honesty,—mora ity an d
justice, are necessary to combat the dangers
by which the young are surrounded. Some
habits should be checked; others stimulated,
some need pruning, and others weeding out
soot and branch. If taken in time, it will
be a pleasant duty to keep the garden of the
mind in order, but if the weeds gat the up
per hand, the task will be one of increasing
difficulty. Prince Tallyrand took part in
thirteen revolutions, and was always the
acknowledged leader. his plan was to
watch the tendencies of public opinion, and
always to take his stand a little way before
the, foremost, so that they would seem to be
coming up to him. lle once said that the
secret of Lis success in life was to set his
watch ten minutes ahead of the rest of man
kind. Idleness is a common nerd, but is
easily kept under, if industrious habits aro
formed in time, and he whose day begins ten
minutes sooner than that of those around
him, will find the benefit of Tallyrand's max
im. So, if a youug m; oin his business keeps
a little in advance of what his employer could
reasonably expect of him his reputation will
be assured.
No MONEY FOR Trt UNDER-NO ROD —At
a 'parish meeting in one of the towns in the
interior of Pennsylvania, where a new meet
ing house bad just been erected, the ques
tion was agitated with respect to having a
lightning rod put up. Opinions wore freely
interchanged, and the project seemed to meet
with general favor, until an influential and
wealthy old German thus lot himself swing,
giV'ing utterance to a rather novel statement,
one not in accordance with the generally
received opinion of the established laws of
Nature and providence :
Now, gentlement I tells yen vat I
finks. I titt/es we hash beeps to much trou
ble and expetish, and none has gin tollais
more as I to build a church for to Lord,
and next sunday we gives it to him and if
he will dounder his own house, den I says,
let him dounder away—l gives no vote nor
motiir.h for doundering rod
This traitor, in parvo speech proved a
settler of the question, the enterprise was a
bandoned, the meeting was adjourned suite
die, and the worthy parishioners liarrnonlz•ct
beautifully over a glass of lager at the vii.
lege inn.
A MAN'S INDUCEMENT TO !♦TARRY —Al
though enlightened men generally do not stop
to think about the reason why they have mar
ried, and continue to maintain the family
union, if they will look at the subject closely
they will find it is a longing for happiness, to
build for themselves a home in the bosom of
which they may settle down and 1)10 from
the deceit, cold beartedness antl_cifremony of
the world ; where nothing but love enters,
whore there is no strife,, a 6 jealousies, heart
burnings, envy or selfishness, nobody to
cheat, defame or deceive them but all is love
and unity.—Dr. Buford.
An Iriihman who was engaged to^out ice,
when handed a cross out saw to commence
operations with, pulled out a copper coat,
and turning - to his comrade, exclaimed: 'Now,
Pat—fair play ! head .or tail, who goes be.
low !'
;FEBUART 5, 1869.
Too Much Work.
An insane'and insatiable passion for no
cumulation has seized upon the public mind.
Money is literally the god of many of our peo
ple, and the god of their families. For this
they rise up before the sun is in the heavens,
and labor long after his ibing. down. Fes
this the ponderous wlieei of business rolls
round, like the wheel of day and night, from
January to December, with no pause to cool
its fiery axle. is it any way surprising that
under" an increasing pressure of labor a large
proportion of Americans break down early in
life, and often, when just in sight of the goal,
sink into premature graves?
It is not, however, the hard work we do,
so at uch s as the fretting, care and anxiety we
cherish, that exhausts our vital energies, and
puts an early period to our fives. We fully
believe that, with the exception of a few In
dian tribes, Americans are the most solemn,
people under the There is no other com
munity on the whole face of the earth who
carry about so habitually their business cares,
or who, amid so many circumstances of cote
fort, have so itt e enjoyment - in their lives.
It is even hard for many of us to laugh : or
if we do occasionally join in merriment, our
laughter is not of the free and easy, oh
treperous kind, which Milton has printed,
as 'holding both i s sides.' or like Falstaff s
without intervaliums,' hut rather like that
which Tour Davis described Johnson's to be,
'a kind of good natured growl' By day and
`by-tsight-we-eau think and dream of nothing
but the iron realities of life Anxious, per
plexing thought sits on the business uran'S
brow as he rubs his eyes at daybreak ; the
,duties of the toilet are rushed through with
a splash. a wipe and a brush ; breakfast is
swallowed us if a fiery chariot were waiting
at the doorstep; the place of business is flown
to on the wings of steam ; the day is spent
in straining to overtake complicated details
of business too extensive for the mind's grasp;_
it costs a race to be in time for dinner,
.even
when it is postponed till night; and dinner
is curtailed of its fair proportion of time,
that he may solve some knotty problem of
business that could not be solved during the
day. The hour for sleep arrives, but tired
nature's restorer refuses to 'knit up the ravel
ed sleeve of care;' the overexcited and jaded
brain keeps up its throbbings, and thus
things go on jilt the poor bond slave of Mam
mon finds his constitution shattered, the
coffin-maker soon takes his dimensions io
his mind's eye, and he descends at last to his
everlasting rest, with the glorious satisfae:
tion, perhaps, of having gained for all his
and toil—his joyless days and sleepless nights
—more money in funds than any other men
on Change.— Exchange.
Primitive Li:look-keeping.
The Macon Telegraph relates the follow.
leg :
'We have been just handed an African
butter and mil!: account for a month, on a
flip of paper as narrow and as .loog as our
pencil. limg marks, we are told, mean
quarts of milk, and short ones, in the same
line, mean pounds of butter. The account
shall be squared, and a receipt-be taken,—
by throwing the bill into the stove. This
kind of accounting puts us in mind of the
Tar River merchant's bookkeeping. W
dare say come of, our old readers can tell
he man's name, for the story is it true one
Tar River did a heavy mercantile business
for that country— he was rich—he kept,his
own books, but could never read nor wfite.
If is manner was to put the outlines of the
debtor's face at the fop of the ledger, and
underneath were pen pictures of the 'articles
purchased, or, where that was impossible',
some ekbuliftie sign which the maker un
derstood.
'One day there was n disputed account.—
Purchaser was charged with a Cheese which
he denied buying-
'What should I want with a cheese,—
wilco we make Inore at homi than we can
ott V
'lt was a poser, and Tar Water could on
ly insist in reply upon the accuracy of his
books.
'lf There's anything I 'do v alue myself up
on, it is the accuracy .r books:.
'lmpossible,' says the debtor.
'lt must be, r says 'Par liver; 'now think
over what you have had of me:
'Well, I have lied a saddle, trace chains,
hoes, axes, and a —grindstone.'
'Good beacon,'-says Tar River, 'is it pos
sible that in' charging that princi4Lno I for.
got to make a hole in the middle, a nd so
took it for cnewe 't I can hardly credit such
an errar in my books !' '
The Chinamen, who walk over bridges
built two thousand sears ago, who cultivated
the cotton plant centuries before this coon.
try was heard 31; and who fed silk worms
before King Solomon built his throne, have
fifty thousand square miles around Shanghai
which they call the Garden of Stiina, and
which have been tilled by countless genera.
tions. This ales is as New Yolk and Penn
sylvania combined, and ie all meadow laud
raised but a few feet above the river—lakes,
rivers, canals— a complete network of coin
muuication ; the kind under the highest (Hal;
three crops a year harvested population so
dense that,•whetever you look, you see riven
and women in blue pants and blouse, so nu.
marous that you fancy some fair or muster
is coming Off and all hands have turned out
fora holiday.
A young gentleman, very conceited
,and,
vain of himself, bat who, by the way, was
rather despised, with a face much pitted by
the smelt pox, was riot tong atm addressed
by a chap, who, attor.admiring him for some
time, said—'When carved work cornea io
faibioni you'll be the haudsomest man I ev
er pat my oyes en
To dispel darkness from about you; make
light of your troubles.
sta.cro IPar Year
A Small-pox Remedy.
A correspondent of the Stoektou (Califor•
nia) /repaid -writes as follows :
. ' •
I herewith append a receipt wh ich has
been used to my knowledge in hundreds of
eases. It will prevent or cure the small-pox
though the piftiliga are filled. When Jen
ner discovered cowpox in England the world
id science hurled an avalanche of fame upon
his head; but when the rnrist•seientitie school
of medicine in the world—that of Paris—
published the receipt as a panacea for small
pox, it passed unheeded. It is as unfailing
as fate, and conquers in every instance: It
is harmless when taken by a well person. It
will also zure scarlet - fever -llert-is-the.ro
•ceipt as I have used it, and eared my chil
dren of scarlet fever ; hero it is 3s I have
used it to cure the small pox ; when learned
physicians slid the patient must die, it cured;
Sulphate of zinc, one grain; foxglove
(digitalis,) one grain; half' a teins poonful of
smear; mix with two Ode spoonful Of water.
When thoroughly !nixed, add four ounces cf
woee. Take a sto,,tri C - Verrtitisee — h+tutel.r.
1;10 - ter disca , le will disappear in twelve hours.-
For a child t•tualler doses according to age.
f counties would compel their physicians to
- `d of -t
u-c t Its t :ere won:, oc tit) tire( po4,
houses. If you cultic advice rod exporience,
use this for that te'rrihlc
Loom- A man who was up to a thing or
two once offer , d to het that lie (multi prove
that this side the river was the oth,r siore.
Ilis chnl/emze waq soon accepted, and a het
of-ten-dollars mad-e-;--44m0-,-po-in-titut—tt -
osi te shore of the river he t•ltrewdly abked:
'ls not that one side of the river ?'
‘l7,' was the immediate answer
'A creed,' said the-ratan-i4md is not tins
Ole other side?'
'Yes,' saio the other
'Then, Faid the' nom pay toe my ten dal
art., for by your own eunt'ession I have proved
hiMg side of the river is the other Ride.'
The dumb founded antagonist overeonie by
this. profound logic, immediately paid the
money.
AN ATTEMPT TO it Itse T
ingeoius Yunkee who got out of money re
sorted to a uovel expedient for replenishing
his purse. tie announced that he would
give lessons in whistling. Having collected
a con4derable number cf . iptiEil4, he procord•
ed - at—flow. — l 3, kT
-
,twitn is instruc , Trepare to puck
er,' was his first command, and every mouth
WAS put in order 'Now pucker I' At this
point his scholars fell to laughing so violent
ly that there was no getting their faces
straight for further exereise3; whereup)n
the Yankee, well suited, pocked his pay nod
dismissed his class.
1:11=EI
'Terms are things,' was once said by John
Wilkes, and the temaik has come down to
our day. A new, and it seems to us satis
factory definition of the differeocei between
two prominent religions societies of the day,
comes from a, Buff do correspondent, that mi
med between two five•year old misses:
'Anna, yon are a Unitarian.'
'Yes; and you are a Presbyterian.'
-Now, t should like to know what is the
difference.'
'Oh, 1 don't know. All th . o difference . I
can see is, one is a 'larian, and the other kis
itt
'terian! -- ,
' Sueh. ' dowof children !•
A Sun 00l teacher asked a Mae
girl who was the first wan. She acknow
ledged she did not know. The question was
then put to an Irish girl, who aniwered,
'Adam, air,' with apparent satisfaction:—
'La,' said the first child, 'yen needn't feel so
grand about it—he wasn't an Irishman.'
'My son,' wild an anxious father once,
'what wakes you use that nasty tobacoo
Now the son w.. 13 a very liberal sort of per
son, and, declining to consider the question
in the spirit in which it was asked, replied,
'To get the juice, old codg.2r.'
Beaver, ;Ni , has the meatiest woman in
America She compelled a servant girl to
walk two miles in the rain to g chano-e to
past a washerwoman one •aull.ir and ninety•
nine cents.
The following is Aunt Bctsey's deserip•
tion of her milk man : 'Ho is the meanest
man in the world,' she exclaimed 'lle
skims his mitt: on top, rhea turns it over and
skiels it on the bottom.'
What thip_ is that which was hnrn will).
out a soul, and w lieu it pot it could only
keep it time days, arid when it died, it went
neitner to llea•ven ur ?
uswor—The whale that swallowed jatiali.
siild a bricklayer to his hod. man.
if you uo et Pdtrick tell him to make liamto
as we are Wat ling fur him' •tiure und I wil
re; lied 3like ; -'but what will 1 tc.ll him a f
don't mate hie) r
Au editor, in notining the proposition to
light a e‘:i tido town with rcil headed girls,
says— , l WA: there we'd play tipsy ev
ery night, and hug the lour:-pests.'
There is a mnn in New York in prissuebion
01 n powerlui memory. 11e is employed by
the Humane Society to 'rctoembei the poor.'
There is only the difference of ato be.
tweet/ some vegetables. Thro* up a pump
kin and it will eJnie gown squash.
Unjust riches curse the owner iu
in keeping, Qui in trausinitturg, Tile.) curse
his children in their fathe'r memory.
We thiolt that a man carries the borrow.
iog principle a trifle too far when he asks tut
to loud biro our ears.
`Necessity ie the rmither of invention:
but it hag never been accurately ascertained
who is the lather.
NUMBER m