Sp 331irtir. ()LUNE XXII. YOU ALL_ IZAVI HEARD Olf 1100PLAND'S;GERMAN BITTERS, NIMROD'S GERMAN TOIL Prepared by Dr. 0. M. Jackson, Philadelphia. Their introdlia on tilliWoblititiffroin — Gerniany ---- occurred in 1823. THEY CURED YOUR. - - PA.THEBB AIM MOTHERS, .And will cure you and your children. They are 31E3E entirely diffinent from the many preparations now In th e country called Bitters or Tonics. They are no tavern propa ratlon,or anything— llkeone; but good, honest, reliable mediolnee. They The grealest known retrudiu for Liver Complaint. . DYSPEPSIA, Nervous Debility, JAUNDICE, Diseases of the Kidneys, ERUPTIONS OF THE SKIN, and all Diseases arising from a *Dimon. dered Liver, Stomach, or IMPURITY OF TUB BLOOD. Constipation, Flatulence, Inward Plias. Fullness of Blood to the Head, Acidity of the Stomach, Nausea. Heart burn,Biszust for Foo - d - ,, Fulness or Weight in the Stomach, Sour Eructations, Sink ing or Fluttering at the Pit of the Stomach, Swim ming of the Head, Hurried or Difficult—Breathing;utterinl at the Heart, Choking Or Suffocating Sendations When in a Ly- ins Posture, Di mness of Vision, Dots or Webs before the Sight, Dull Pain in the Head, Deficiency of Perspiration, Yellowness of the Skin and Eyes, Pain in the Side., Back, Chest, Limbs, etc., Sudden Flushes of He'd, Burn ing in the Flesh, Count int Imaginings of Evil and Great Depression of Spirits, -4/Ithexe inciter& disease nj the Lirer or Digeslive Organ, combined with impure blood. and's"German Bitters vegetable, and contains no is - a - cOnn po' ad 'ori 141 rint - d -, 6 . tdOthe noon., herbs, and Garks from which these extracts are made' •a re gathered i n Germany. All the medi elnal virtues aro extracted from them by a selentiiic chemist. These extracts are then forwarded to this country to be used expressly for the manufacture-of these Bitters. There is no alcolioncsubstanee of any kind used In compounding the Bitters, hence It Is the only Bitters that etto be used in cases where alcoholic stimulants are not advisable. Hoofland's German Tonic Ja a combination of all the ingredients or the Differs, with PL( 6 Santa Crux Rum, Orange, etc. ft is used for the same diseases as the Balers, in eases who, some purr alcoholic stimulus is required. You trill bear in 101ild that these remedies are entirely different from any ?lees advertised for the cure of (( J r diseases no Wed, t ote being Reboil; fia preparations of medtrinot eztracts, while the others are m••re. demotions of rum an some ' e 15 ?CO Cl I/ •nr form. he Nil; as decirautty nue 01 ..ie mint .ant and agreeable remedies ever offered In the public.- - Its taste is exquisite It it a pleasure to lake it, while ,its iffe-giving. exhilarating, and merhonal qualities hat* - _pawed it to be known as the greatest of all lonics. DEBILITY. Th're 0 no metitrine ronql to flooffantra 0 , 7m0n Paters or Tonic in ~ es of /h/o/ity They impart a on n• and mgorto thr trhold system, xh molten the appettle, cansl an enjoyment of Ihr . fond, ,flahle lltr vo. more (a diyrrt tl, purt, y thr blood (pre. a good. sound, healthy cornpterion, erodtanto th• y now ling• from the eye, impart n ?donne to (hr chreke, and rhange the pot tent front a short-breothett, mama trd :4,th, and norrons inralid, to 11)1W:toned, that , , and nip , " tom pereon. Weak and Delicate Children are introit stronw by visit"... the fitters or l'onle. In tnet, they nee Family Me•li otnev. •l'hey can be aQminl•tered perteet wnl. t 1 to n child three months old, the most delicate female, or a wan of ninon nue Rem ed ies are the best Mood Purl dors ever lettoteste, and will ewer all diseases restating from 1 .. .15 bad blood Keep your blnottr,,rf : LW/. 'Our /Aver in order; keep your digestive o rgans in a sound, heal th y eoralthars, by (he use Of th ese rewrites. and no disease welt evor assail you. The 1,.. , Ihteil in Me country TP.,11/11/elld them. tf years of honest repulalion go for anythtng you mull try Mese preporations. FROM DON. GEO, W. WOODWARD, Chief Justice of the Suprt.tne Court of Permuylvonla. ti du ELPIII A, Alm•rh_l6, 1867. Honfrand's German Balers" as 710 i an'if ax icaling beverage, tad is a yowl ionic, itiefict in dielirders of the digestive organs, and of yo eat benefit in eases of debility and want of nervous action, in Me system Yours Old% • CEO. W. WOODWARD. FROM. LION. JAMES TROMPSON, Judge of tho Supreme Court of Pommy:vont& I consider 4 Noonan k r VIIII.AI,ELPIIIA A nril 28. 11. 4 ~ German Bit hers 99 a ratetable sitedscine in ease of ni tacky; of Indigestion or IllyspepAa. I can certify - this from my experience of Illt. Yours. with respect, JAMES THOMPSON. FROM REV. JOBRPR J. HENNAED, D. D, Pastor of the Tenth Bantle!, Church, Philadelphia. DR. JAOHRON--D LL Ak. SIR:—/ &ICC been frequently requested to connect my name with recommendations of difierent kinds of ntedicines, but regarding the practice as out of my appropriate sphere, .1 have in all cases de clined; but with a clear proof in various instances, and particularly in my own fatuity, of the usefulness of Dr. Hoojland's German /litters, I depart for once from my usual course, to express my full conviction (bat for gen eral dkiillty of the system and especially for Liver ]Eqra Complaint, it is a safe and valuate preparation. In sonic cases it may fail; but usually, I doubt not, it will e very beneficial to those who su f fer 40/21. the above causes. Yours, very respect/any, , ' J. 11. KENYA RD, Eighth, below GX11.61 aped. CAUTION Hoofrand's German Remedies are counterfeited. me ',mine hove the st.qmaittre of C. M. Jackson on the front of the outside wrapper of each bottle, and UlB 'game of the article blown in each bottle. ettt others ars counterfeit. Price of the Bittern, $1 00 per bottle; Or, a half dozen for $5 00. oPrice _of the Tonle, $l 50 per bottles Or, a half dozen for $7 50. The tonic Is put up In quart bottles. Recollect that it is Dr. Hnollanct's German Remedies . that are so uninersal'y used and se highly recess ") Pleaded ; and do not allow the Druggists to induce you to rake onything else that he may say is just as good, because he a sakes lary.r pro fi .' on it. nese Remo , dies wilt be sent by express to any locality upon applies', ion to the PRINCIPAL OFFICE, AT THE GERMAN MEDICINE STORE. • Ar 0.631 ARCH STREET, Philadelphia. CHAS. M. EVANS, . Proprietor, Formerly C. M. JACKSON & CO. These It ensodles,are for sale by Drug. gists, Storekeepers, mad Deal. •xs everywhere. Do nor forget to examine weft Mt witch ye bah g* grdcr to get tlus maw. Sept 25 'BB. MILLINERY GOODS ! TO THE LADIES! MRS. C. L. HOLLINBERGER boa. jaat ccived a full supply of pew Millinery. oods. allies aro invited to call and examine her stock. GOOD TEMPLAR REGALIAB supplied or the material to make them furnished. oct 23 If WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY; PENNSYLVANIA, FRIDAY RORNING4ANUARY I,..:1809 =MEI PCONITXCJ.ALXJ. ti - E - 11 011 N-T-11-1 N S OT-LIT-Ri 8Y .TAME G. CILAR)3., There's a land far away mid the stare we are told, Where they know not the sorrowsof time; - Where the pure waters wander thro' valleys of - • . go , Antlife - isra — treasure - sulalime 'Tie the land of our God, 'as the home of the soul, Where ages of splendor eternally roll, Where the way weary traveler reaches his goal On the evergreen mountains of life. Our gaze cannot soar to that beautiful land, But our visions hive told of its b'iss, And our souls by the gale from its gardens are When we feint in the deserts of this. And we sometimes have longed for its holy repose, When our spirits were torn with •temptations and And we've drank from the tide of the river that flows From-the evergreen mountains of life. Of the startinever tread the Wore heavens at night, But we think where ihe ransomed have trod, And the day never smiles from his palace of light _ But_we_feeLthe__right_amile_of_our God. We are traveling homeward thro' changes and To a liingrdom where pleasures unceasingly blosom, And our Guide is the glory that shines thro' the tomb From the evergreen mountiiis of life. raciaa3El Za .4k.'"N-3C A MORNING WITH GAMBLERS BY REV. JOHN MCCLINTOCK, D D. In the earlier years of my ministry I formed a special fellowship with a very in telligent and pious family. The father and mother were of the vigorous Scotch-Irish stock ; claar-headed-and-sound-hearted — pen• ple. The children inheriting strong health of mind and body, and were all quick s wited and lively. I loved them all dearly, and came at last to make their family destio ies -h . One of the sons, Edward, was a fine, young fellow of eighteen, exuberant in both life-and-strengt h r lau t n ess —an d good humor. - Young as he was, he showed great talent for business, and was already a trusted clerk in a large mercantile house, with a liberal salary for those times. I was cal:ed out of bed, one morning, at about four o'clock, to see this young man. Ile was in great distress, and could hardly ' tell his story ; but it came out at last, and was bad eunugh when it came 'I ha-se. been spending the night at differ. ent faro tables. and have lost about three hundred and fifty dollars.' 'Whose money was it F' 'lt belonged to my employer. 1 must go to the office this morning and account for it. Whit sti A 1.1. I d o 1' I found on questioning him, that he had been gambling for two or three months. He had begun by learning to play cards of a fel low clerk, played at first, mei cly for the plea sure of it, but soon found that a 'small stake was necessary to give interest to the game.' Iu short, he had gone the road which thou sands have trod before him From innocent card playing, to betting at whist, and from the whist table to the faro-bank. Of course, I was very angry with the boy. But I was sorry, too. as I looked into that fair young tace, agonized with fear and shame—lorry for him, and still more sorry for the proud father and fond mother, who must soon know of their dishonor. But I bad to brush away these emotions and answer the practical question. 'What shall 1 do r' It was plain that the first thing to be done was to get the money back, if possible. I dressed rapidly, went to the house of a le gal friend, aed woke him up. His advice was soon given. Don't try law with these peophi. Go to them yourself, alone, and demand the money on the ground that they won it from a min or. I decided to try. I confess that this decision made me nor• vous 1 bad never handled a card,had never been in a gambling house, nor spoken with a professed gambler, 'Moreover it was not yet six o'clock in morning, I went borne, swallowed a cup of coffee, and set out on my strange errand. Edward had lost seventy dollars at Frank lin's gambling house, one hundred and fil ty at Hodgsou's and one hundred and thirty at Dufour and Clark's. He gave me each ad dress, street and number; my task was to go to these men, talk with them face to face, and get the money—if I could. Franklin was my first man. It was seven A. N. when I knocked at his door—there was no ball to pull A maid admitted. me, atter some parley, and led the way into a back room, where I found Franklin shaving before a little glass hung at the window. Hia appearance was not preposessinf , , a bullet head covered with a heavy shock of irongley hair, and set strongly on a pair .of brawny shoulders; a bull dog expreseton of face; the whole figure indicating animal force, brutal ity and obstinacy. • His gruff 'What do you want at this hour of the morning?' did not tend to •reassure me. The npshotrof my conference with him was a blunt refusal. 'The fellow took his risk and must stand by it.' With this I left him. ' Hodgson was my next man. His 'place 49. XL Xxacle•roelisc9 irLt_V'eta;il.l.l.3r of business' was shut, but a negro who was hanging'aboat told me where he lived, in a distant part'of the. city.- A carriage soon set me down in front of a grocery store; with the sign 'W. B. Hodgson, family Grocer ies.' A decent, even handsome woman, with a good h 3isest face presided at the desk.:- , - The place Was in perfect_ order, with all_ the_ air, of prosperous trade. She told me that Mr. Hodgson had gone down town on busi ness. (I must see him this morning, Mad am, on private business. _ The word 'private' arrestedlier; an expres sion of fear and trouble gathered rapidly over her honest face. It was clear that she to share its shame. I told m ly. 'You will find my husband at, 'firs plsce' by this time, and he will give you the mon ey ' I found Hodgson a man of five•and-thirty, or thereabouts, with the look of a well-to•do tradesman, and an open, frank__ expression. My story was hardly begun when he ask ed— 'Do you recognize me ?' 'Well,' said he, 'you paid me my wages many a day, when I worked in the Metho dist Book Concern, and you were then cash ier.' fie - told - me - the steps - of — his — fall, — h - o - re - d 'some day to give up this part of his busi ress,' and born the lecture I gave him with the best possible feeling 'As for poor Edward,' said be, hive often warned the boy not-to-come—into—lbis or any other such pluce. Here is the mon ey,' handing me out one hundred and fifty dollars. I told him of my failure with Franklin 'Go first to Dufour & Clark's— you gory - our money there; they have 'no prin- tell Franklin the t both Hodgson and Dufour have paid up, and say firm me that BE FIAD BETTER. There was an emphasis on the HAD BET TER which was full of meaning. In five minutes — l had reached Dufour's. He - was not at home, but I would find Jiro at 22 Jones street. `NV hose place -is that?' `O, iL'TChoeise where—many of the gamb raternity gat To Jones street, theielore, I went and found No. 23, a smart, three-story, brick house. The front entry was open, but the way was soon stopped_by_a_vecn_baiz--door. ' 1-1:r 'ls Mr. Dufour here?' stairs.' ee that the '' around-floor room was nearly, full of men ; the secgind c stoly con tained a similar lot; and 1 confess to a little tremor when I was told to go a story higher. Here, again, the baize door stopped the way; but the door keeper called Dufour out. 'Well, what do you—want with me ?' be asked. . . 'Come down stairs; I will tell you my business b9low. A little to my surprise, he put on his hat and earre quietly down to the front door.— Here he stopped, and demanded my errand. 'Walk on with me.' said I. 'Not a step until you tell me what you want I' 13e was a young man, apparently about twenty-five, of good person and manners. 1 put my arm within his and said : • -Now, if you will walk quietly with me, like a gentleman, towards your place, I will tell my errand as we go; if not, I will call the police. hly grip on his arm was pretty firm. He looked at me for a moment, and submitted. At fiu st lie scouted my demand for a return of Edward's money, but by•and-by he soften ed and told me his own history. It was the old story of temptation and weakness, with the old excuse and palliations. . He gave me a half promise to reform, but would not fix a time to begin. We reached the door of his den, in the second story of a very good house. Without rapping he walked in; and I followed. A stout,, ruddy man, of thirty or so, sat at a table writing or casting up ac• counts. 'Well Clark,' said Dufour, 'we must shell out freely for last eight's work.' Clark looked tip from his desk, and saw me behind Dufour, and in a sudden access of cowardly fright, ran out of the door and hurried (lawn the stairs. In a moment more, I saw him scaling•the fence of the back lard. Dufour burst into a heavy laugh. 'He's off I Ile took you for a judge or a policeman, to say the least. But that won't stop our settlement.' He drew out a drawer of the desk, and counted the money in gold, and handed it over. 'Tell your young friend never to enter this place or any other of the sort again.' 'And let me tell you,' I ref lied, 'that the place is just as bad and will be just as fatal for you as for him' The poor fellow seemed softened and sad- dened as he bade me good bye. It only remained to.see Franklin again. I told him that the other two had disgorged. •What is that to me 7 You will get nothing here,' 'Mr. Franklin,' said I. 'Hodgson says that you BAD BETTER pay up' lie looked at we for a moment, ope Ced. his pocket book, and counted out seventy dollars. By ten o'clock in the morning the money was in Edward's hands, and he was spared the shame of acknowledging himself a de- faulter. But I made it a condition that the facts should be made known to his parents, and to his employer, With strong promises for the future. One would think such a les son as this might have saved him. Alas I the poison was in hie veins ; in a few months he was a 'bankrupt in purse and character,' sod be has never risen again. errand a morning _—Don!t-bu ya-piano for your daughters while your sons need a plow. Don't leave to memory what should ,bo written; it makes law-suits. Don't give the merchant an opportunity to dun you. Prompt payments make inde pendent men. Buy a fat tu-wagon before you purchase a fine carriage. Don't let your horses be seen standing too much at a saloon door; it don't look light. Don't buy patent rights to sell again. Teach your boys - to look up and forward, never down or back Wards. Keep good fences, especially line fences they promote good feelings among neigh" bars. Don't become security for him who Waits for the sheriff. A decent, substantial clothing for your children makes them think better of them selves, and keep the doctors away. Don't vtarve your-land, it you do, you, will grow lean. If you have a yoke of oxen, don't be ashamed of them, and give your note for a span of horses. Don't run for constable; you may get it, and let the plow stand. W hen the labors of the day are past, let good books and newspapers invite the young sters into the sitting-room. Oliver Dyer, of 'Wickedest man' celebrity, is authority for the assertion that two hun dred thousand people below Twentieth street, in New York, live in cellttrs. lie has ob. tained the actual figures pf the liquor shops 5,248 There are 1,678 billiard saloons in the city, and 40,000 destitute and orphan less children. If these figures are correct, benevolent minded people need not go abroad to ameliorate the condition of weak and suf fering human nature. They will find a 'right smart chance' to attend to at home. A LAZY CLUB —A club called the Lazy Society, has been formed in East Bridgeport, Connecticut. It already numbers several hundred members. Two members have been discharged—one for striking a mosquito, which lighted on his face, and another for gaping too quickly and opening his jaw too wide. A third member was censured for .running down hill, but was let off on the plea that he was too lazy to hold back. The society is in perpetual session. • . It is said that Frank Reno, one of the ex press robbers lynched the other day at New Albany, Indiana, alone knew of the place where was deposited ninety thousand dollars, the proceeds of one of his maiiy robberies. Ills sister visited him some days before he was hanged and tried to induce him to tell where his hoard was •concealed, but he refused , telling her that if he could not live to enjoy it no one else should. The secret died with him. An old minister enforced the difference of opioion by argument : 'Now, if everybody had been of my opinion, they would all have wanted my old woman.' One of the deacons, who sat just behind, responded: AYes, and if everybody was of my opinion, 'nobody would have bad her.' Mustaches ,and no side whiskers aro the order of WI) day for the coming .w nter. Rem aslcablp Superstition. The Monongahela Republican has the fol lowing : Not very long ago the young and beautifUl wife Of one' of• our 'citizens was called to her final acoountb leaving:. her hus band sad, disconsolate and bereft. She was buried in the adjacent cemetery, and the -husband returned- io his desolate-home, _not to forget-the-loved one—She_was_pres ent with him by day, in spirit, and in hie dreams at night. One peculiarity of his dreams and one that haunted him—being re peated night after night, Was this : that the spirit of his wife cams to his bedside and told him that the undertaker had not re s,_ • .•: .0 of I When I el muslin or na.pkin,_which_baci_been_used_to_ cover her face after death; but had screwed down her coffin l i d with it upon her, and that she could not breathe in her grave, but was unrested on account of the napkin. .11e tried to drive the dream away, bat it bided with him by night, and troubled him by day. He - Bought -the consolation of-religion, and his pester prayed with him and assured him that it was wicked to indulge such morbid fancy. It was the subject of his own peti tion before the Throne of Grace; bat still the spirit came and, told anew the story of her suffocation. In despair be sought the undertaker, Mr. Dickey, who told him that the napkin had not been removed, but urged lima to forget the circumstance, as it cou be no possible annoyance to inanimate clay. While the gentleman frankly acknowledged this, he could not avoid the apparition, and continual stress upon his mind, began to tell upon his health. At length he determined to have the body disinterred, and visited the undertaker for that_purpose. _ Here he was met with the — same aavice and persuasion, and convinced once more of his folly, the haunted man returned to his home. That night, more vivid than ever, more terribly -- 111 before oh^ -his Ti-jedstd rea, han before, she came to-his —,te-ant upbraided him for his want of afrectiou, and would not leave him until he had promised to remove the cause of all her suffering. The next night, with a friend, he repaired to the sexton, who was prevailed upon to accom pany them, and fhere, by the light of the cold ; round moon, the body was lifted from its narrow bed, the coffin lid unscrewed, and the napkin removed from the face of the (orme. That night she came to his bedside oncemore, but for the hest time. Thanking him for his kindness, she pressed her cold lips to his cheek, and came no more. Read - - er, this is true story; can you explain the mystery of dreams ? Hints to Farm3ra Brigham Young on Long and Short Dresses• . In a recent sermon Brigham Young, the • Mormon prophet, delivered the following homily on the fasbioati It is the 'duty of the husband and father to furnish his family with cloth to dress themselves; it their-Alaty Co see; that; 'diath is_eut and_made prudently; and not'wastO'd.' It is a Disgrace to a community to drag their cloth in the dirt. How many women are there to-day who walk .to this tatiernaele without throwing dirt every step, they took —not only on themselves, but upon those who walked near them ? I shun them.— _way memo other direction, in order to their dust—l can get enough of it • without receiving it from them. It isn't the duty of my brethren to buy clothing to be dragged through these streets. and the wife or daughter who will not cease dragging her dress through•them ought' to -have it-eut shorter. I- have borne-with-it, and so have my brethren, until duty demands that we put a stop to it. I have politely ex postulated 'with nay wives and daughters on this subject. I have asked them if they think it looks nice, and have been Old that it did, their reason for thinking so being somebody else wore it so. That is all the argument that can be brought in its favor. - There is no reason in tae world whya — dress looks well trailing through the streets. On the other band, eay, ladies, if 'we ask you to snake your dresses a little shorter, do not be extravagant and cut them so - short - that-we-can-see-to the tops-or-your stockinga. Bring them down to the tops of your shoes, and have them so that you can walk and clear the dust, and do not expose your persons. Have your dresses neat and comely, and conduct yourself, in the strictest sense of the word, in chastity. If you do - h - is"=ytru=fret-a-good exampte before the -ris ing generation. Use good language, wear comely clothing, and act in all things so that -you can respect yourselves and respect each other. We wish you to remember and carry out these counsels. -Beecher on Rings Hundreds of people went away from Ply mouth church unable to get inside the house last evening. "Abhor that which is evil," was Mr. Beecher's text. lie said there was a growing tendency among church members and others to allow wickedness to grew and flourish from a mistaken idea that every man should attend to his own business. Others compromised . wit t err consciences anti they became indifferent as to whether the guilty were brought to justice or not. New York has nearly as many churches as dens of infer*, yet the pulpits of that city al% lowed all kinds of corruption to grow within its borders until it is second only to Sodom and Gomorrah. Business men who stand high in the church set examples before their clerks that ought to make every honest man abhor them from the bottom of his heart.— Ministers are supposed to be the mouth piedes of God, yet they grow fat in the ser vice of the devil, by keeping silent when they should lift up their voices and expose the wickedness of corrupt men in high places. Justice is bought and sold, or knocked down to the highest bidder. Th e very word 'Judge' stinks and could some of these min• isters of so called justice be placed under pa rental rule once more, to have the scenes of their childhood renewed, it would be a bless ing to them and to their country Were all the villainies of men in 'high places brought to light, they would include all the crimes known to Sing Sing and Auburn. It is time for some one to thunder,' or society will be overwhelmed with the corruption of its mem bers. The foundations of the Government are supported by votes. When these votes are bought and sold, the GoVernment rests on quicksand. This is bad enough ; but what stall we say when Legislatures are put into the market ? The only difference be tween Now York and. Albany is, that the latter place is 150 miles further up the river. The people must rise up and show their ab horrence of these wicked men: Until the church and its members do this, we are at the mercy of the swindlers and thieves. In his prayer, Mr. Beecher called on God to have,merny on the judges, and take them a way.—. New York Tribune. Teach Scholars to Think. Writers have often discussed the impor tance of cotrect habits of thought, and have dwelt at length on methods of mental cul ture. While it would be asked, 'Of what use are they to persons who do not think?' Every intelligent man must be conscious that there are many whose thinking is so ex tremely limited in its scope that they can scarcely 133 said to think at all. They arc content to depend upon the thinking of oth ers. Often they pay a heavy price for their folly. . It is the business of the educated teacher to teach to THINK, as well as to teach HOW to think It is well for hint to cause his pu pits to acquire as many facts for future use as possible, and to give the memory its due share of culture. But let it constantly be borne in mind that the facts learned in the school room bear but a small proportion to those acquired by observation and reading. A true education will also develop the moo• tat powers, that they make a proper use of the knowledge thus gained. Tho result can Only be reached by the cultivation of think ing in the pupil. A young lady having promised her grand ma that she would never marry a certain fel low 'on the face of the earth,' repaired With him after the old lady died, to the Mammoth Cave in Kentucky, and was married under ground. ' If you wish to 'get rich, got married.— When was ever honey niadiEwith one bee in the hive 1' 913.00 ler "reetz, 111EM=Ii=a In the olden • time, wh-en planters -were less thoughtful for the spiritual than the , cor poreal health of their , slaves, Colonel Ram sey saw his'boy' Dan ( aged forty) going ono mornin g, Bible in hand, to church.— Knowing that Dan was not a person with strong literary proolivitiesohe Colonel said : 'What arc you doing With that Bible, Pan 7, yoii can t read it ?' 4 Nti,' Maim, can't stickily read -- lem but I o'n spell t! ' e m out a little.' 'What's the use of spelling it out . You con't.iinclerstand it, any way. The BibliS for instance, says that'the very hairs of oar head are numbered, Now you hav't any _ - _ . hairs oil I'd I What do y 'Yea, massa, I 'ape& dat's so; hitt' I ieli out a little verse which say dat on last day de ;sheep dey will go one side and doßonts ,en de tciddet.' Now, de sheep has de WOO/ but de goats dey .ot ha'r 'us like white and Pspect dey aint gwine to be saved—. dat's teat_ I 'spect !' Mien PIES —The following receipt for mince-pies, which are now in season, is con fideutly recommended to the editor of the Ger mantown Telegraph by a lady who has used it for many years : Boil a fresh beef tongue tender, let it.get cold, then chop it fine, with one pound of suet, one half peck of apples, two-pounds-of-ourrants-picked—and—wasted very carefully, one pound of citron sliced, half an ounce each of powdered cloves, allspice, cinnamon and ginger, three pints of sweet ci der, one pint of Madeira, half of a 'pint Bran dy,with enough sugar to sweeten to • our taste. This will make a large full jar There lived in the town of I-I=a-n— -old wan named Meant. M—. Though half-witted kind of a sou!, yet at times he would make some' very shrewd remarks.- -[wkgl=t-co-tnee-t--a--y-ot , - who, by the hye,'was the seine kind of a genius• as himself. To some remark that Eleazer made the young man responded : 'Elenzer, you're a tool ' 'Yes.' replied the old man, 'l'm a fool—l know I'm a fool , but you're a tool too, and don't know it.' MEASUntNO ttIS DISTANCE.—A brow brating attorney asked a witness how Jar he had-been-from-a - certain - place. 'Just four yards, two feet and six inches,' was the reply. 'flow came you to bo so exact, my friend.' 'Because I expected some fool or other ssk mrt,'so I moss it' The-wise—teacher takes the most pains with backward pupils, and is most bountiful when Nature seems most niggard in her ' gifisawheredi the unwise teacher not only refuses to help those who are slow to learn, but frequently applies the rcd, as if the flower could be developed and adorned by manuring the vase. 'Good morning, 111 r. Henpeck,' said a print er in search of feniale compositors, 'have you any daughters that wauld make good type setters ?' 'No; but I have a wife that %Tull make a very fine devil.' • Mrs. Partingtoo snys that nothing despises her so much as to see people, who profess to expect salvatien, go to church without their putsea, when a recollection is to be taken. A white boy met a colored lad, the eiber day, and asked him what he had such a short nose for. 'I speots go as it won't poke itself into other people's business. The Boston Post says : 'A Sunday paper says it is in favor of women voting, if they want to,' We should like to see the man who could make thom vote it they didn't want to. Tom asked old 'ten-per cent' the other day what he wanted to accumulate so much mon ey for ? Says he : 'You can't take it with you when you die, and if you could it would mclt P Perhaps it is not generally known as it should be, that salt put in the month will instantly relieve the convulsive movements in fits either of children or animals. The streets of London, placed in a single straight line, would reach from Liverpool to New York city. It takes 860,000 street !snips to illuminate London. If people have a piejudiee, it is best . to flank, and not storm it. You will never lose anything by tact, by gentleness, by kindness, patience and love. A. young woman being asked by a boring politician which party she was in favor of, replied that she was in favor of a wedding party. A ' poor, thoughtless old gentleman sat down, the other day, on the spur of the ma meat. His soreathe were frightful. Hoops surround two things which are now commanding great attention—Girls stitaV't. Whisky. • If you wish to get rich, get married.— When was ever hooey made with one bee iu the hive ? The best ,place to perform the Grecian benclis over the wash tub. A good investment for your daughters is in a good education. Intelligence pays. It doesn't foljow,tbat a man dislikes his bed beeauSe le-knint his bask upon it. NUMBER 26.- to that r