Village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1863-1871, July 24, 1868, Image 1

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    . _ ... ...,
_ ..
- • -
--- " - ) '' " - r - - '?-=•-",-- ~...epazo.... --- . . ... .„,_ . .. , .
. ~ ..-_. -...- - - .. ... __ - • .
. _ . .
. . _
- .
• - if.... N" - - •if ;;:,,... '#' . -
- • - . - , . .
v .. ..
= ,
, . ... .
_ .
~......... _ ,
,
..,_ _ ___ .... ~,,........._.,„.L ..... :.._.,..,.,:....,i_i___,_. .
0
. ____ „c..,-.1, ,, i-,i,....,1i..,..„...,......., --.44_,,T3,4.-.---..mr.vr.,.. . •--•-. , - -,-
0 ,
. ,
MI6 111111111111111111•11 410•111M0111 * , .
331 , " W. 331 air.
VOLUMR XXII - :_' l :77 = 7 777:1 1 -7- 77 - --- WAYNESBORO!, FRANKLIN - OUNIT, PENNSYLVANIA,
_FRIDAY MORNING; JULY-,2-4-;-186.8;-
I==il
r rei. ea ;
DRUGS
MEDICINES,
AND
• P -n ---11---H-7 S',
&c. &c.,
Go - to Fourthman s
UPLICIWC2S. Easco.2 4 MMZMQ
Waynesboro', May 24, 1867.
NEW SPRING
SUMMER GOODS
AT THE FIRM OF
STOVER & WOLFF
(SUCCESSORS TO GEO. STOVER )
DRY GOODS,
CARPETS,
NOTIONS,
Qtf-EIENSWARE,
GROCERIES,
BOOTS AND SHOES,
CUTLERY,
'CEDERWA RE,
OIL CLOTUS,
dirC., - &C.
To which weinvite the attention of all who want
to buy choap good*
Mayl, 1868.
.NEW MILLINERY GOODN
MRS. Q. L. fIOLLINBERGER
TrAS just returned from Philadelphia and is now
jaopening out the largest and most varied as
sortment of SPRING AND SUMMER MILLIN
ERY GOODS she bee ever brought to Waynes
boro'. The ladies are invited to call and examine
her goods. Residence on Church Street, East
Side. April 10 --tf.
• JOSEF'S !DOUGLAS,
ATTORNEY AT. LAW„.
• Real Estate and Inauranee Agent,
Office in Walker's Building,
Waynesboro', Penna.
gay 13—tE
AND
STOVER & Wt rLFF
P03E1T'1C,.41.1.a.
1) - 111 - M - 01-a-&11
They tell me human love was made - - -
Awhile to bloom, and then to fade- • -
Before therautumn - chill: —
They tell me human love is sold—
A — thiwottraflll7bought - witirgol ,
And subject to the will.
No falsehood this ; and yet I own,
There is a love; one loig — alorie,_
W ith luster ever bright,
It runs through all my changing years.
Forsakes me not in smiles and tears,
s my SOU W 1 4
hat - breitreyinsl all other : love , -
Unselfish, pure as heaven above,
Is thine, dear mother, thine.
What, then, if clouds around me break !
The fount of joy they cannot tak3
- - From out tbis'heart of mine.
_Earth'smerrythrong_may_pass_ me by ;
Its honors from my grasp may—tly-,---
As leaves upon the blast :
I care not, if thou lov'st mo still ;
Th love alone my heart can fill,
And hold it to the last.
I'll love thee till my latest breath ;
I'll love thee when I'm clasped in death ;
I'll love thee still on high.
While on my tide of life shall flow,
My love for thee no end shall know ;
Twill never, never die.
SWEET SIXTEEN,
Dear lady, when I look at one
So lovely and so loved as you,
I.__From_whose_young_life_has_not_yet-gone-- 1
The rose's blush, the morning's dew,
I sigh to think Of all the years
Whose fading memories rise between
This and the time when, long ago,
lost my heart tOswet—sliteen
Prate as they may of wiser thought, -
Of cooler blood and•steadier brain,
Of earnest wisdom, dearly bought
By anxious•care and saddening pain ;
In all the years Old Time can bring,
In all the longest life has seen ,
There are no hopes, no joys, no loves,
So sweet as those of Sweet Sixteen !
And though the charm may wear away,
As roses fade and dews exhale ;
Though glossiest locks may turn to gray,
And fairest cheeks grow wan and pale ;
Yet who can doubt those dearly loved,
In lands by mortal eye unseen,
Beyond the stare, shall all regain
The angel hues of Sweet Sixteen !
Mr; . _ l M"MclWW"t n r i gg
The Author of the "Raven "
'My best friend would be he who would
take a pistol and blow out my brains, and
thus relieve me of my misery.'
So said Edgar Allen Poe. His lips curl
ed bitterly. These were his dying words.
Such was the unhappy state of oue whom
dissipation bad robbed of the pure enjoy
ments of life, and brought to hopeless ruin.
He had been reared in the most elegant society
and educiated in the most polished schools.
He possessed poetic gifts of unwonted beau
ty and brilliancy. The production of his
muse were few and fragmentary—melancholy
prophecies of what he might have been--
but they made him a marked man among the
lovers of poesy throughout the world. He
lacked symmetry of character, and with all
of these advantages that he possessed over
others, he was wayward as a youth, passion
ate in maturer years, and always unmanned
at the sparkle of the intoxicating cup. He
blazed awhile in the literary firmament the
"comet of a season," bus he left behind• him
an unworthy influence, a reproachful memo.
ry, and the admonition of a fearful end.
He was making a journey when his death
occurred and he was occupied with the prep
aration for his wedding day. Better im
pulses warmed his heart and mollified his
passions at the thought of his nuptials, and
and the sunlight of the future gladdened a
again the vision o f his' mind Gol
den dayt filled his fancy—days of the ten
derness of conjugal love and the sweet hab
itudes of domestic bliss.
He stopped at the city of Baltimore. He
met old companions, j. Hy fellows with whom
he had passed convival hours. The intoxi
cating cup glittered before him. The tom
tation was too great. He would spend one
more revel ere he entered that purer sphere
depioted in his dreams.
That cheerless November night he was
found lying in the street stupffied with drink
ing, covered with dirt, and his face distorted
with horror. His jovial companions had de
serted him. He was taken to a hospital.—
A fearful dream rose upon him, and fired
his brain. Delirium, with her thousand de.
mono, darkened his intellect, once beautiful
with airy thought and poetic fancies. /lb
Ida re Potts ensues. A. clergyman is sent for.
'Shall I send for your friends Y' asked the
,pious man. 'Friends 1" said the dying man
as though the word was a mockery, 'my heat
friend wuuld be he who would take a pistol
and blow out my brains, and thus relieve me
of my misery r
We hear men cavil at religion. What a
treasure, beyond all eatimaterimarly piety
would have been to the aoal of poor Edgar
Allen Poe .
Xici.cle.rseon divaat I'Veminstipalpeor.:
A Victim of Warning
We clip the follewing from an old New Or
leans pelts, whieh-vottehes_fo . r its truth.—
We give it place in our columns as it em•
bodies a good lesson for theiinaes, and may
hive some weight with the young men of
our town :
Happening in Recorder Baldwin's court a
few days ago, just as his honor wag' - getting
through his usual list of vagrants; peace
breakers and petty larceners, oar notice was
attracted by the piteous entreaty of an elder
1, individual, who stood in the dock, earn
estly begged his honor to let him off .this
time, promising that the "old man would
never trouble
,him
'And who are you pray ?, inquired his
honor, with-h=is customary phlegm
Judging by the looks of the prisoner, it
was not an impertinent inquir . Hie ar
• anee.. — IF ,
eara - n. was quite that of an. sinner.'
his face, though not devoid of intelligence
and a certain expression of gentility, was
bloated and seasoned with all the marks of
a long course of - dissipation and destitution,
His eye did not, altogether, lack the ;lustre
that betokened the spirit of a man, and he
mid possessed tlfe" ease of manner, . tinged
with mandlinism, and the bearing of a bro
ken down gentleman. An old seedy blue
cloth coat, covered a shirtless body, whilst a
bracelet's pair of black pants that had seen
better days, scarcely - protected his — limbs - I
from the pitiless peltings of the storm.
-- tW - Ertrianr — lThoney ?' - respond ed—t-h
lore individual; 'don't you know the old
man, or are you ashamed •to recognize him
in his presept plight r Iv e been a greater
wan in my days than you, honey, ever will,
be in yours. I was in the Legislature of
North Carolina when Nat Macon was a mem
ber of it, and I have been President of the
Senate of that old State; and I reckon if I
had ever tried I could have been governor
or Congressman. I used to drive my car
riage, had my race horses, and never went
to Court without my man Bob riding behind
me with a gold band around his hat.'
'And what-has-brought - you - down - scrlow?'
inquired his honor.
'Politics, sir. Some people say it was whis
key; but whiskey was only ooe of the effects
not the cause of my downfall. When I en
de red e_eatate_m y_ Aather_laft_me,_
Which was quite a snug property, I was a
moral and industrious young man ; but un
fortunately, I had a law suit that carried me
frequently to courr, and there I met some
jolly fellows, who invited me to drink with
them, and there to I got too talking politics
and hearing speeches, and finally the boy's
persuaded me I had a gift for speaking, and
made me mount-the stump. And so when I
once got on the political track, you couldn't
any more stop me than you could stop a lo
c~mo ive with your I became very
popular—that cost me all my fortune; I be
came a provincial legislator—that oust me
all my morality and good habits ; and, final
ly, from a great politician, I became a gam
bler—a drunkard—and now I am hero, a
bouseless vagrant, in the dock with the very
vilest of this great wicked city.'
'lt is all true; alas l too true,' remarked
a lawyer in court. 'I knew Col. D.
when he still occupied a high position in
North Carolina; he was one of the most
prominent men of the time.'
'You can go.' remarked the recorder, and '
the old man bobbled out of the dock and
went off, not knowing as he said, whither to
direct his tottering steps—a melancholy ex
ample of the dangers which beset the path
of those who abandon the peaceful pursuits
of pthate, to engage in the corrupting scenes
of political life.
Saturday Night
How many a kiss has been given—how
many a curse—how many a oareas—how ma
ay a look of hate—how many a kind word—
how many a promise has been broken—how
many a heart has been wrecked—how many
a soul lost—how many a loved one lowered
in the narrow chamber—how many a babe
has gone from earth to heaven—bow many a
little crib or cradle stands silent now, which
last Saturday night hold the rarest of all
treasures of the heart.
A week is a life ; a week is a history ; a
week marks events of sorrow or gladness
which people never heard. 09 home to your
family, man of business I Go home to your
heart•errtng wanderer ! Go home to those
you love, man of toil, and give one night to
joy and comforts flying by! Leave your
books with complex figures—your dirty shop
—your busy store !• Rest with those you
!eve; for God only knows what the next
Saturday night will bring you ! Forget the
world of care and battles with life that have
furrowed the week ! Draw close around the
family hearth ! Saturday ni;ht has waited
your coming in sadness, in tears, and in si
lence.
Go home to those you love, and as you
bask in the loved presence, and meet the re•
turn of the loved embrace of your heart's
pets, strive to be a better man, and bless
God for giving his weary, children so dear a
steirp.ing stone in the river to the Eternal, as
Saturday night.
CHOOSE WELL —The line of conduct cho
sen by a young man during the five years
from fifteen to twenty, will, in almost every
instance determine his character for life.—
As he is then careful or careless, prudent or
improvident, industrious or indolent, truth
ful or dissimulating, intelligent or ignorant,
so will he be in after years; and
. it needs no
prophet to east his horoscope, or calculate
his -chances in life.
Bishop Bevricize has truly and strikingly
said : 'Who knows but the salvation of ten
thousand immortal souls may depend on the
adoration of a child
The hardships of the ocean—ironolads
The Reason -for Refusal:
Mr, Pops paid his two hundred and sixty
seventh visit to Miss Clarissa Cooler,.a dam.
eel of about two hundred and fifty advoirdn
poKthe other evening. He found her in a
rocker, alone in the parlor; stole his arm tt ,
round her neck, and sipped in the
nectar of her cherry lips,— a proceeding there
was not the least harm in, considering that
they, had come to an agreeMent, and were
generally reported to boon' the• high road to
matrimony. The lady took it all quietly,
even indifferently, to judge from the bassi
de of her attitude in the looker, her lazy
use of her fan, and her exclamation of some
thing between a heigh-ho . and-ha=lrum: t—
disposed'Common-places vPe of. Then
followed a-eil'ence broken only by Mr. Pops,
slapping at the mosquitoes, and Miss Clar
issa fanning herself unceasingly,
At length Pops proposed a promenade and
• earn. Clarissa-d-eolioed troth, al img :
wish to Rtay at home, for I have some
thin! farticular to tell .ou.'
/Indeed I' said Pops. What is it dear ?'
'You expect our wedding to take place in
three weeks, don't you ?'
To be sure I do.
Well I am sorr • to disa
must do it. I cannot marry—'
_ Crood heaveus, Clarrissa, what are you
saying ?'
'Don't interrupt me, I. mean I can't marry
you just -yet awhile—not for some.ruouths to
come.'
Why ; Clarrissa ; what's the meaning of all
this ? YoU gave me your positive promise,
and said nothing stood in the way., lam all
ready, and worried with waiting. Why do
you put it off, dear ?
'That you will have to excuse my '•telling
you. I have a good reason for it, and my
mind is made up. Will that satisfy you ?'
Pops mused — awhile—t~la~riesa, kep er
fan going. Finally Pops spoke. •
'No, Clirrissa, it wont satisfy me. You
iost 'one 'our weddin and refuse to tell
me why. It you have a reason for it, you
ought to let me know it, and maybe it would
satisfy me • but_t_wontlt_t+e-eatieliwithoui
,
a reason.'
'Well, then you'll have to remain unsatis
fied. I tell you I have a reason, and a good
one; what more do you want !
'I see how it is. I've courted you too
lon - long. - I=didn't - strike - wlictithu iron was - hot .
You aro tired of me, and wish to get rid' of
me. Well, if that is your wish, go ahead.'
'Mr. Pops, you're a dunce. You're a fool,
Mr, Pops.'
'Maybe I am, and maybe I ain't,' said
Pops, rising with his temper. 'But this
I'tLsay, Miss Clarissa, if you don't tell me
why you postpone the wedding for a few
months, you way postpone it forever, so far
as lam concerned. Tell me, Clarissa, or
I swear that, wheia I leave this house
night, I will never set my foot in it again.'
'Well, then you'd better go.
'Very well. Good night, Miss Cooler.'
, •
Pop's reached the door. Clarissa followed
him, and seeing that ho was in earnest, cried
to him to stay. Pops came back, and Clar
issa put her !lead upon his shoulder and cried.
Pops spoke first.
'Well, dear, what's the matter'?'
Oh, I don't want to toll; I can't tell -you
why I want our wedding put off.'
'You must tell me,' said Pops; 'or I'll leave
you this instant, and never return !'
'Well, dear, if I must, I must.'
And Clarissa laid her head upon • Pep's
shoulder, and faintly whispered in his ear :
The Weather is to hot.'
The thermometer was up beyond the nine.
ties. lie understood her, and consented to
a postponement with a perspiring sigh that
showed how much he wished for ould weath
er.
CHAD RAISING.-A gentleman at Auer°.
Hs, 111 d., has teamed in a cove near the mouth
of the Severe river and commenced_thie_oul
_d_va t ri-of-erahs — o on a arge scale. He has
put in about 4,000 and feeds them on coarse
fish and any kind of refuse meat.. A squad
of them will attack a catfish, devour it in one
night, and pick the bones as clean as a pack
of wolves would pick a deer. Tho.soft arab
is only the hard crab with his coat or shell
off. Before shedding his shell he is worth
only half a cent in market; without it he is
worth a dime. He sheds his shell
butbut once
a year, and remains a soft crab a few
hours, when a new shell is again formed.—
But few soft crabs are seen, owing to the
difficulty of finding and capturing them in
the 'nick of time: This difficulty it is pro
posed to obviate by the herding process,
where the stock can be examined every day
and as fast as a crab is found with his coat
off, he is captured as a soft crab and market.
ed accordingly. The location of the crab
pasture is at a point where the tido regularly
ebbs and flows, giving the crabs a plhntiful
supply of their natural element.
CERTAINTY OF PUNISHMENT.—As you
stood some stormy day upon a sea cliff, and
marked the giant billow rise from the deep
to rush on with foaming crest, and throw it•
self thundering on the trembling shore, did
you ever fancy that you could stay its course,
and hurl it back to the depth of the ocean ?
Did you ever stand beneath the leaden low
ering cloud and mark the lightning's leap, as
it shot and flashed, dazzling athwart the
gloom, and think that you could grasp the
bolt and change its path ? Still more . fool
ish and vain hid thought who fancies that
he can arrest or turn aside the purpose of
God, saying to lairtriolf : "What is th e
,
mighty that we Should serve him ? Let us
break His bands asunder, and oast away His
cords from us ? Break His bands asunder !
flow Ho that sitteth in the heavens shall
laugh !" Guthrie.
We should never form c at that life is but a
flower, that is no sooner fully blown th an it
begins to wither.
eCiIeRTSUIP - 'ANWLOVE.--I.llore'6 a bit of
sen ti m e n t uttered by the heroine in the play
"Under the Gas Light' on the subject of
Courtship and Love that seems to reach ev
ery womanly heart, which may be as wel•
come to readers as to hearers.
'Let the woman you.look upon be wise or
vain, beautiful or homely, rich or poor, she
has but one thing which she really gives or
refUses - --hii heart-Y- Her beatify, herivit,
her accomplishments -she may sell to you-but
lid; love is the treasure without money and
without price. She only asks in return that
when you look upon her your eyes shall
speak a mute devotion, when you address her
your , voice-shall-bc-getttleatdlevint: Th
you shoji not despise her- because she cannot
understand all at once your vigorous thoughts
and ambitious designs, for when misfortune
and evil have defeated your greatest pur
poses, her love remains to console you.
It: he tree for strength ant.
grandeur—do not despise the flowers because
their fragrance is all they have to give.—
Love is the only earthly thing that God per
mits us to carry beyond the grave.'
'That man who pays more for his rent
than for his advertising does not know his
business.' This maxim of an experienced
and'auocessful_merchant is Incontrovertible.
It natters less to have a fine store than that
everybody should know w 'lrere - itis - a - trd what
is in it. It is poor policy to put a couple of
hundred thousand dollars in a building and
then stop. One store is no better than a
nother-except-solar-as-more—customers---en7
ter it, and it is advertising which brings cus
tomers to one merchant or dealer rather than
another. The time is coming and coming
soon, when advertising will be the heaviest
expenditure in carrying on any business, and
it will be the moat remunerative.
oint you but
—I-f-ad-vertisi nris-tirus - tite - snit - o - f — bis ituetis
it will not take a very long argument to
prove to a clear brain that the `very hour bus
iness begins to flag, then is the' moment to
my -f increased and more
apply the stimilus of
vigorous advertising.
, The -tile in the, nfi Ors" orinen
Which, taken at the 11:md, leads on to for tune,
Omitted, all the voyage of their life ib bound in
shallows.
They are the successful men—the kings of
of trade—who see the fortunate moment, and
EXIM
WIMP HT.-0, bow I love twilight hours!
When the last rays of the setting sun have
disappeared behind the far off western hills,
and all nature is hushed to rest, then will
our minds wander back to our happy child
hood, when our hearts were as the evening
dews —when we knew no sorrow, and all was
joy, with no thought for the future. Again_,,
in fancy, we tread the well known paths _of'
our youthful homes, its old halls ring again
with childish mirth, and we ask where are
the fond friends of our youttii The answer
is borne upon the passing breeze, •Scatter
ed l' Beloved parents, brothers, sisters—all
the golden chain that bound the family cir
cle is broken. Death has entered and claim.
ed for its own, while others dwell in a strange
land; and thus it is. Change is the pass•
word from the morning of youth to the twi
light of old age.
THE DISFERENOE.—One young lady rises,
early, rolls up her slaevos, and walks into
the kitchen to get breakfast, or insists upon
doing so, and afterwards, with cheerful and
sunny smiles, puts the house in order with
out the assistance of 'mother ' She will
make a good wife and render home a para
dise. Young man, 'get her.'
Another young lady is a parlor beauty—
pallid from company dissipation and want of
exercise—reads novels, and almost dies of la
ziness—while her poor old mother does her
washing. She is a useless piece of furniture
—an annoyance to her own househuld—and
curse to the husband she-marcKa - nce to 'rope
in,' and will go whining to tier grave. Young
man, 'let her alone :7
In Wisconsin, an Indian woman died . re
neatly at the age of one hundred and twenty
three. She left a son who is ninety-seven
years old.
'rho above 'reminds us of a little story'
lately narrated in our hearing, of a gentle.
man, who, in the course of his travels in the
West, one day emerged from a neck of tim•
ber, and suddenly descried a country tavern,
upon the porch of which, sat one of the old
est, white haired men he had over seen, and
-crying like a child. In answer to an inqui=
ry as to the cause of his trouble he sobbed,
out that 'his father had just licked
Upon entering the bar room, the traveler
disooveied another and much older man, be•
hind the bar, whom ho addressed: 13u seem
to have some trouble here stranger; your
son informs me that you have whipped him.'
•Yes,' rejoined the landlord, excitedly, .I
could not avoid it— the young rascal was
chasing his grandfather round a ten-acre lot,
and stoning him. I had to interfere stran
ger.
IMPUDENT QUEBTIONS.—To ask a lawyer
if he ever told a lie.
To ask a doctor how many persons he had
killed.
To ask a negro if be is black.
To ask a youog lady whether she would
Ilk, a beau.
To ask a minister to take something to
drink.
To ask a subscriber if he has paid the
printer.
To ask a merchant if be has ever cheated
a customer.
To ask an editor the name of any of his
correspondents.
To ask a Man to lend you his poeket•boo
•
The man who was brought up standing
must have worn out many shoes and hoots.
. TRANSPORTED FOR LIFE-A inn who
married happAy.
*quo° Par Ter
NUMBER 5
GO ON WITH Yoga FUNEILAt.--4-lii 1863
the Union solders caught an Old country
man near Madison Courthouse, Va s tand hi
formed him one of two things— either take
the oath of allegiance to the United States
Government or prepare to be buried Ave. , —
He declined to take the eath, when his cap
tors deliberately proceeded in his presence
to dig a grave, and when it was finished they'
led
_him to it, and said : , •
'Will you take the oath 7!_ - -
'No !' responded the prisoner.
'You had better.'
won't
'lf you don't take the : oath - your -twill' be
iu this grave in the ntat 'five
minutes.' -
The old fellow approached nearer, end
looked with attention iu the yawni.ig pjt be
fore him, and then turning, around, with his
hands in his pockets, calmly replied :
d 'Well, go on with your funeral.'
A VERY RIM FAR*—The narrator says:
went over last summer With two friends,
and Jones took us Up on a , four *tore lot he
had just prepared for planting. We all went
to the centre of tho lot, and he here made a
single hill and showed us a cucumber seed.
'Now, boys,' said he, 'when I put this seed
into - the ground you - must run for fence
and get out as soon as you can .'' No s3oner
had ho dropped the seed than he and the
others started off as if a bull dog bad been
after them. I. was so surprised that I forgot
tlre warning until I saw a vine pushing up
rf - a] the-ground-and-making for me. Then_
I ran as if for dear life, but before I got to
the fence the vine caught me and began to
wind around me like a snake. I was very
much alarmed, and put my hand to my pock
et for my jack•knife with which to out my
self loose; but to m horror could nor,g_e_t_i_t
on account of a cucumber which hung there
and which was growing like blazes; it took
four men with scythes to_cat_medouse.-------
"Well, Mr. Renew, I want to ax you a
question."
'Propel it, den.' 4-v
'Why aniu grog shop like a counterfeit
dollar ?
'Well, Ginger, I gibs dat up.'
'Does you gib it up? Kioe you can't
pass it.'
abi - oigger, - -you=talk=so-araci
'out your_counterfint dollarsylast-sueceed - to
deform me why a counterfeit dollar is like au
apple pie !'
'O, - I — drape de subject, and don't know
nothin"bout it.' •
K ase it isn't current.'
A traveler ) among other narrations of won•
2 ers of foreign parts declared he knew a cane
a mile long The company looked incredu
lons, and it was evident they were , not pre
pared to swallow it, even if it should have
been a sugar cane.
'Pray, what kind of a cane was it4' asked
a gentleman, sneeringly. '
'lt was a hurrycane,',replied the travel
er.
A glutton of a fellow was dining at a ho
tel, and, in the mum of the 'battle of knives
and forks,' accidentally out his month, which
being observed by a man sitting. near by, he
called out : say, friend, don't make that
ar hole in your commonage° any larger, or
the rest of us will get nothing to eat.'
'Jane, what letter in the alphabet do you
like best ?'
'Well; I don't like to flay. Mr. &Abs.'
Pooh, nonsense! say right out. Which'
do yoq like the best 1'
putting her finger in her 'month
and dropping her head, like U best.'
A Chap went to a pork house to b uy
on credit. First_he— bargatned - of
hog's ears; next, the clerk seeming
to trust, he bought a hog's 'mild then grow
iog bold, he said, q believe I'll take that
ham: 'No you won't,' replied the clerk;
'you are head and ears in debt now.'
'Nothing can be done well that is done in
a hurry,' dclared a certain pompous politi
cian, one day lately on the steps of the City
Hall. 'How about caching fleas 7' asked a
wag at his elbow. The politician was floor
ed,
An editor out wesitsays he would as soon
try to get to on a ihiogle, make a ladder
of fog, chase a str f lightning through
a crab apple orchard, set Lake Erie on
fire with a wet match, e t stop lovers get
ting married when the take it into their
cads to do 80.
• Miss Rose was married to a Mr. Furn
aoo the other day. This is a quick method
of consuming a pretty dower.
It is the work of a philosopher to be eve
ry day subduing his passions, and laying
aside tis prejudices.
Conscience,. be it ever so little a worni
while we live, grows suddeoly to a serpent
on the death bed.
Youth writes hopes upon the sand, and
age advances like the sea and wipes 'thew.
out.
Lightning can be seen by reflection a dis
tance of two hundred miles, and thundec
heard thirty miles.
To start a balky horse, fill hiammith with
dirt.
Let the boner of chi neighbor be to thee
ike thine owe.
When a man is saddled with a very bad
wife there are sure in be stir-u . pi in tbilluk.
ily. -
Three in one- ice, allow and water.