.1. /I.C . . . .. ..., . , -••-...-... . . . , ... - • - . . •• - ' 'IDI. -... - 7 .6,.. . ' •••• ; ' '•"' • . ', )Pi- 4t . -._ ' - W. ~ .. . • D ., • ..,.. ~..., ~,,,,...,:.. !...4, - . ../ ~.. , • 4.,.„,,.,....,.... ~ A ,• -- . - 7 . . - ... w . . 1111 . 1 OMl'llillj . , . ~. 4 • ‘-. k - . • s3'7 W. Stair. ‘'OLUME XXI. X?CPIUM'IC:III. 3 Ge. lyor .the • Villa go B ADDRESS TO SPRING. BY V. B. Oh. lovely companion, would you ever could reign, To gable us - to - pleasure from sorrow and pain, life's joys would tic fairer tintliturer I know, Than the honeyed flake of winter's plirs snow; Tie eve.% is delightful, the sun's • golden ray Ms tinted the clouds fir distant away, The birds of the forest with ecstacy sing And seem to say 'tis spring. 'tis spring. How gladly Wewelc , mo thy coming again, Oh could wt• fon•cer t eauties rr 11 You comp• like an angel who bails from above, To waft to rs tokens of In aven'i,_puri. love; No more think we now or VI inter's d , Thy chairs have eland Ma prernmee iant, Thy gentle: hn eze pit:nes in tnt•rrieet g lee, And seems almost to whisper be merry with roe. With transport we welcome the beautiful spring, The song of t he-poet,-l: In hisfancy he pictures you wondrous and fair ; But he fail.. to express what thy realities are, Ever true to thy trust you deceive none we know, But prompt to the tim' thy loVeliness show; Would that all here on earth were ever like you, Then_every_friend_would alwpys prove true. Then every one in this land of the Welt, Would deceive nom) and - strive for the best ; They'd be truthful and honest with innocence unite, "I'vccoild be a world of most pleasant sight, Then every one would be free from En . ° in_ the bl s b Oinni.ntence given, Each would enjoy life's precious hours, 'Twould strew our pathway forever with flowers But my mind has wondered far from the scene, The birds, the breezo, and landscapes now green, The sun has de-cended behind hilltops now hidden, The moon has ascended the glorious heavens ; The poet may sing of thy gorgeous array, Fronk twilight of eve 'till dawning of day, He cannot picture thy glorying display, But alas thy glittering hues vanish, they soon pass away. -.. . THE FIRST BLUE BIRD. Whatever weight the hours have born Along the path of frost and snow, The world is never too forlorn For birds to sing again ; we know, That earliest buds will soon expand, That spring is somewhere in the land, For hark! the blue bird sings Somewhere the grass is green again, The meadow mild with shower and sun ; Out bud the trees. up stale the grain, Through balmy woods the brook doth run, If anywhere such things may be, Then why not soon for thee and me 1 For hark ! the blue bird sings. The world is old, the world is old, But spring is ever fresh and new ; No,dream se fair, no hope so bold, But some sweet day may find it true Who knows how soon that morn may rise Knd fill us with a glad surprise? For hark ! the blue bird Sings IVI lIS CIM Ma T-a .A.N - Ir . The Tomb of Rachel. James Brooks, senior editor of the New York Express, writing to that journal from the Holy Land, says: - 'Upon my return to Bethlehem, I rode by the tomb of Rachel—a small with a whitened dome, and having within it a high, oblobg monument, built of brick and stuccoed over. This spot is wild and eon tory, and not a tree spreads its shadoW where rests the beautiful mother of Israel. Chris tian, Jew and Moslem, all agree this is jest the spot where Rachel was buried, and all unite in honoring it. The Turks are anx ious that arches ales may rest near hers, and hence their bodies have been strewn under tombs all around the tomb of Rachel. The sweet domestic virtues of the wife have won their love and admiration, as has the tomb of Absalom, near the brook of Kedron, their dete3tation ; upon the hitter they throw a stone to mark their horror of a disobdient son, while around the former they wish, when they die, their bodies may be interred. Nor is •this wonderful The wife, worth fourteen years of service 'as a shepherd, must have been a wife worth having. 'The whole life of Rachel is, indeed, one of the most touching in Biblical history.— The sweet shepherdess has left her mark up. pon the memory of man, as well as her tomb. The tribute to her is the tribute to a good wife; an infidel, Jew and Cristian, all Com bine to pay it. The great women of the earth—the Zenobias and Cleopatras—have died, been buried, and their very place of burial been forgotten; but to this day stands over the grave of Rachel, not the pillar Ja cob sot up, but a modern monument in its place, around which pilgrims from every land and sun gather in respect and reverence for the faithful wife and good mother in Is. rael. A foreignkr who heard of tho Yankee pro pensity for bragging thought he would beat the natives at their own game. Berlin some very large watermelons on a.market woman's stand, he exclaimed, 'What! don't you raise larger apples than these in America?' 'The quick-witted woman immediately replied, 'Apples! anybody might know you wore a foreigner, them's gooseberries !' ' vorite theme; your esteem. Indeed, I fancied from ,what he said, that he was quite sure of the nature -of-your-feeling for him, else he had not spoken to me.' Jennie's indignation now reached its Ali. : max. She elevated her naturally rather aspiring nose, until it stood at right angles. 'Quite sure, was he ? I don't knew why he should be, then, I never gave him any reason to feel so- confident. Mr. Stacey looked rather gravely at his daughter. `I don't know what you've said to • him, but I know that he's been here a good deal, and you've always seemed glad to see him. I hope you hav'nt been trifling with the youngman, Jennie. Am I to understand that you don't intend to marry him?' Jennie's round and rosy face assumed as _lofty an expression as features could be- ex pected to wear, not formed exactly from the heroic mould. • The concluding sentence was a quotation from her favorite novel, ‘Astrea; or The ,Stony-Hearted Father,' and was pronounced with no vehemence of look or tone. 'So be was until I found him out. I did think a great deal of the young man, but af ter•what has happened, be shall never dark en my door again !' WAINESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, FRIDAY MOANIK--APRIL X 14,1868. THE TYRANNICAL FATHER. 'Jennie,' •aid Mr. Stacey. one evening, to his daughter, Edward Wright called at my store to-day, I. enppoue you know what for!' 'How should T know what for, papa?' re turned Jennie, with a look of 1.10C006601113- nEss that was belied by the vivid crimson that rose from the cheeks to the temples. 'I suppose it was to see about an order for some goods or something ;Not' exactly,' replied her father, smiling. 'He came to see me about you; in •short to ask my permission to address you.' Jennie reddened again; but the sudden flash dint gleamed out from beneath the brown lashes spoke more of scorn than satis faction. .01 course I gave my consent, continued Mr Stacey, after waiting his daughter to reply. It you hadn't I suppose that would have • r :o far as be wue oneern- ed, retorted Jennie, with a sarcastic touch that was gum, Ica upou her, rnatter-of fact father 'Well, my dear, I don't know as there is any need of raining that rinet-tion. I could have uo rearouable ohjectiou to a well-princi pled, inte.ligent young wan like Mr Wiigh', acid who is, withal, doing an excellent but-i ness. So it remains for you to say whether you will-be-M rs-Edward-W right.' Jennie puttied up her rosy rips with an air of great dignity. bavn't been asked yet.' ‘No, I suppose nut. But I shouldn't wonder if be was here to-night for that ex press_purpose 'Tlion,,as a glimmer of the truth entered his mind, Mr. Stacey added : •1 trust thai you are not so foolish, my daughter, as to take offence because he spoke to me about it first. In so doing he acted honorably,_and_as_every_man should, and it t. ather than lo er ltir9 in Mr. Wright is an excellent young ,man, papa. I've nothing to say against him.— But I would sooner perish than unite my faith with one whose feelings are so an tagonistic to the holiest sympathies of my nature.' Mr Stucey stared at his daughter for a moment without speaking. '1 really do not•see, my dear;' he said dry ly, 'any - necessity for so much display of en ergy; it you don't like Mr. Wright we.l enough to marry Mai, all that you have got to do is to tell him so.' Here was a 'come down' to Jennie's soar ing imagination. Her father absolutely re fuseci to play the role of the Stony. Hearted Father ; ruthlessly destroying the secret hope that had risen in her heart, that some ro mantic incident, for which she had so often longed, was about to - break the sameness - of her dull and prosy He. .And to increase her dissatisfaction, Ed ward Wright, whom she really liked, and whom she had invested with many of the virtues and graces that adorned her favorite heroes, instead of throwing himself at her feet and declaring that no power on earth should take her from him, had actually con descended to the common sense and con ventiousal method of asking her father's per mission before speaking to, her ! Nothing more was necessary to prove to her that he was net, to use her own language, 'the chosen arbiter of her destiny.' After tea Jennie slipped out of the back way, and ran ever to a neighbor's, for the two fold purpose of avoidinti, what she was phased to term the 'persecutions' of the a foresiad •Mr Edward -Wright, and pour her troubles—or rather her waut of any—into the sympathizing bosom of her dear *friend , Arabella Eugenia Angelina Stubbs. Jennie being firmly convinced that •the course of true love never did run smooth,' and as in the event of her becoming Mrs. Edward Wright there would be nothing jet for her to do but to order her•wedding finery, and go through with the requisite aoremony, she either avoided the poor fellow altogeth er, or treated him with such an air of lofty indifference as to pot him to his wits' end to discover the cause of this singular change in her conduct. 'Jennie,' said Mr. Stacey, a few weeks af ter, 'who was that young man that you were talking with at the gate this morning ?' 'Edward Wright, papa,' rellied Jennie, not a little astonished at this abrupt inquiry, as well as the scowl that accompanied it, 'Well, never let me see you with him a• gain 1' Jennie opened her eyes still wider. 'Why. not 7' I thought Edward was a great favorite of yours?' 132.clappricle•rit V'etriall3r NArsisrompeote. 'Dear me S what in the world has be dune?' 'Done? what ought to send him to • the penitentiary—what would send hini there if I had the law in my hands' The sudden pallor that swept over Jon nie's face would have betrayed to the most indifferent eye,the true state of her affec tions papa 'Do ' you mean that he has bean stealing, Stealing, he has done worse than that!' 'Good heavens !' faltered poor Jennie,'has be been killing anybody ?' _ 'Worse than that. Alma that will self his coriptry is Iforse than a murderer and_ any one that will vote for that lying douhle• faced traitor, Higgins, is a worse scoundrel than he :' •Is that all ?' said Jennie, drawing a long sigh of-relief. thought it was something dreadful.' 'Ah !' echoed her father. 'I should Hay that it was enough —quite enough to sink it 8, —1 nes man. Once mote. 1 say, don't lei me see you with him again !' Hen , Mr Stacey stamped out of the room, banging the door after him. 'Good gracious T. exclaimed Jennie, as she picked up the contents of her work basket, that her father had knocked over in.bis fu- rious exit, should like to know what's got into pa, all at once To think of hislorbid ding me to speak-to Edward just, for that And with flushed cheeks and a flutter of delight at her heart, at the thought of hay- Hing 'something to fell,--and—that- something •so strange and mysterious,' she sought tlie presence of her usual confidant, the fair Ar• - abella - Eugenie Angelina - Stubbs to - whom-it was' duly unfolded with sundry embellish ments the fruits of her fertile imagination, and who quite agreed with her in thinking it to be 'the strangest thing that ever came to her knowledge' — qeonie, said Mr. — Stacey;the — neat day sI • : • ' 7 I I t I. t u ne leave the house, 'young Wright had the im pudence to speak to me again about you ; and intimates that'he did so by your permission, you may as well know, once for all, that it can never be! I would sooner see you in your grave than the wife of such a man ! I've got a husband picked out for you. Deacon Obidiah Pittigrew is a man that will do you and the family credit.' 'Deacon Pittigrew ? Why, pa, he's more than twice my age !' 'That's the very reason why I have selec ted him; you need some one to keep you steady. Ile will be here to-morrow evening and I shall expect you to receive him with the respect and conlideration due to your future husband.' I Before his daughter had time to recover' from the astonishment into which this an nouncement threw her, 11r. Stacey waft some way•down the street. 'Well, I know two things,' exclaimed Jen nie, putting down her foot with a determin• ed air ; I won't. have that stupid Deacon Pit tigrew, and I will have—Edward Wright!' As ehe said this she took from her bosom a letter from the last named individual, full of proiestations of "undying love, ai•d implor ing her to meet him at 6 o'clock that even ing, re-reading it for the fortieth time with flushing cheeks and kindling eyes • That evening as Jennie went to the ap• pointed plsce, which she did not fail to do, she found Edward waiting for ber. Instead 3f wearing his usual cheerful look and pleasant smile, ho stood leaning against a tree, with arms folded across his chest, and a gloomy cloud upon his brow. 'Looking,' as Jennie confidentially informed the sympa thizing Arabella Eugenie Angelina Stubbs, for all the world like the picture of Rubert I)i Rinaldo, in 'The Brigand of the Black Forrest.' Edward found little difficulty in persuad• ing her to leave home, and unite her fate with his.--Accordingly„. _the next night, as_ soon as the house was still, Jennie, envoi. oped in a dark mantle, and face concealed by a thick closely drawn veil, stole out through the back way to the place where her luver ' was waiting. He had a covered carriage, and, though the night was dark, she could see the dim outline of a man upon the box. They rode two hours, mostly in silence; for, now that the irrevokable step was taken, Jennies's courage began to fail her, and she grew depressed in spirits—she hardly knew why. it seemed to her that they would nev er reach their destination, which Edward had informed her WAS the house of a clergy man in an adjoining town Bat at last, to her great relief, the carriage stopped. 'To avoid observation, we are going in through the back way,' whispered Edward, as he assisted her to alight. 'Draw your veil close around your face - . - The night was ao dark that she could not see the least thing, and ahe clung nervously to the hand that led her along a short path, over a plat of grass, np some steps, into a dark, oat row passage, which led into a hall, and from thence into a room that opened out of it, lighted by one small, low himp. Be side the table on which it was pheed the clergyman stood—a venerable looking man —and at the lower end of the apartment seemed to be a number of persons, thougb the light was so dim that only the outlines of their forms were visible. , Edward spoke a few whispered words to the elergymau, and theu the ueretnouy cool• tueneeti. As soon as the last words were spoken, as if by a preconcerted movement, tl►e two but oors at each end of the room were light. ed, filling it scab a sudden blaze of light, while a merry peal of laughter made it ring again and again. ~... As soon as jennte's dazzled eyes would permit her to see, she found, to her astonish ment, that she was back in the houso .that she supposed she had quitted forever, and surrounded by her father, and quite a large group of friends and relatives. 'My daughter,' said Mr. Stacy, advancing toward her, 'I trust that I have played the role of the 'tyrannical father' to your oldie satisfaction, and that you will now permit me to offer you my congratulation upon a marriage that has long been the, first wish of my heart.' 'I hope you enjoyed your ride,' said her roguish brother Tom, who in the capacity of coachman, had driven her all about the out. skirts of thel town, and finally back to the place from where she Rtarted. 'ITAr could you deceive me so? said Jen. nie, turning her eyes reproachfully upon her husband, as her mind slowly took in the ruse that. had been played upon her! 'My dearest love,' he said, with a look that quite disarmed her, 'lt was the only way by which I could hope to win you.' • Candle Theory. Many persons have heard it asserted that _..ow can wr en 'Wl — from an ors nary gun, with the usual charge of powder, at a deal board three quarters of an inch thick, will pass through the board, but very few who have not seen it done believe it.— On Monday a party of riflemen and other gentlemen,lbi the purpose of deciding a bet on the subject, adjourned to the butts of the North Middlesex Rifles at Child's [lilt, where a board of the thickness described having been fixed in an upright position, au coa.mon half penny dip was fired from a towling-piece, from a distance of about fif teen-paces- The candle struck _the_board with its full length, and passed through, leaving a bole exactly the shape of the can dle. The remains of the-candle were found scattered in pieces resembling snow-flakes - on the high mound of earth in the rear of the -board. A second candle, when fired from the fowling-piece, passed through the board; making a circular hole, which was, however, -very - jagged - reficedlKV tcrutd-tcreante4-1F u away a large piece of the board One inches long and three inches bread, breaking away the boundary on one side of the hole made by the first ihot. A candle fired from a rifle failed to pass through the board. The grooves of the rifle stripping the tallow from the wick as it passed out.— The smooth-bore fowling-piece was loaded each time with two and a half drachms of powder, a small piece of paper as a wad, and a common tallow dip, which had ,not been specially prepared- in any_ manner.— Court Journal. Are you forming a — eh — aracter P Fashion it well Is it beautiful now, in its early devel opment? • How much more so will it be when all its lair proportions stand revealed in full maturity. The rosebud - ; kills infant state of outswelling, is a grateful sight, but how transcendently lovely doillit become, when it bursts forth a full blown rose. Character, like the rose, is seen only by gradual devel• opments. It-is formed only by constant, pa tient, persevering effort. A thousand rills constitute the soureLs from whence it is de rived. Character is beautiful, and it_beauti fies all who possess it. It is to be pifzed—it is inestimable. It gives man that- which wealth cannot impart, and gold is too mean to purchase. Who ever attained to any etni• nence without character? Who ever made himself a monarch over his fellows, and sway ed them by thoughts of his own, who , had not character ?, Young man! if you have a bad character, determine to improve' it, If you have none at all, resolve to acquire one. Gain a character, such as will elevate you to heights of honor. Such as will shed around you a lustre while living, embalm you' mem ory with precioils l recollections when dead, and throw a radiance down the streaD of time, for the guidance of those yet to we. TAKE CARE! —low many of us in our mad pursuit of weirlth, or fame, or pleasure, are willing to give a passing glance at- the Jaws upon which our very existence depends.— The subject that should first interest mortal man is man himself. lle should look into the organiz•ition of his body, and study the laws by which that organization is governed' Yet, in this nineteenth ceritury—fhis age of science—how few are there who bave boot► educated, or have educated themselves, for the important work of taking care of their bodies! And in consequence of this neglect, how many their arc who, day after day, coo• tinue to violate the plainest and most itOpera tive laws of uature, till, finally they 'bring disease and premature death upon themselves a penalty for violated laW. Wise Paragraphs Waste nothing, neither money, time nor talent. Always tell the truth; you will - Ind it easier than lying. He who gives a trifle meanly is far mean er than the trifle A heart lud of grace is batter dna a bead full of notions. Meu looking tit the faults of women should shut their eyes. If we seize too rapidly we may have to drop as hastily. Experience is a torch lighted in the ashes of our deletions. Prosperity is a blessing to the good but a curse to the evil. Let everything have its place and every business its place. Bettor bo upright with poverty than wick ed with plenty... The tenderest keart loves best the bold and courageous one. The perfumes of a thousand roses Roos die, but the pain caused by one of their thorns remains long after. A saddened remembrance in the midst of wirtt is like that thorn among the roses. :In vbritscover house you outer, rounin wafer of your oyes acd your longue. ' Character. Children Lost—their lives preser ved by a Dog . _ • - [From the Keokuk (Iowa) Constitution.] • On Alt ednesday two boys named Lynch and Nicholson, aged respectively . nine and ten years, went to the woods west of the city, to get a piece of hickory to make a bow. They wandered out, so far that they got lost. In their bewildered state they searched about for some land mark that would lead them to their homes. While thus engaged, they es pied a black limb frisking about neat them, and Lynch told Nicholson that he was going to catch it, and accordingly gave chase.. In -a-fe w-mouten te-he-and—the—latub—had—both dies ppeared in the thick under-brush NMI °too, after waiting some time for Lynch to return, set about to find the way back to the city himself, which he succeeded in doing, and arrived at home late in the evening.— Young Lynch, hoivever, was not -so fortun ate. lie wandered about in the woods till late at night, when he lost all hope of fiudim I 1. ir tof the f'^ - id lr ins way out of the forest, an. /aid down be. side a log and slept till the next morning.— Being refreshed by his sleep, he again 'went forth with more buoyant hopes to find his way home. But he was again doomed to disarpointnient. and after strolling through the woods all day was again compeidd to make his bed upon the cold ground with no cover but the blue sky. He had but just laid himself down when an unexpected but welcome visitor arrived to sham his bed and keep him company. This strange visitor Was a large Newfoundland dog, which staid with the little fellow till Friday morning. A short time after daybreak the dog showed signs of great anxiety and uneasiness, and started to leave young Lynch, but he had enough foresight to follow the dog, and was conducted by the faithful animal to the road where he saw a man upon a wagon. Be hailed the man, and after telling his adven ture, was put into the wagon and brought to his home. — The joy of his parents upon is return can ,e 'etter imagined than de. scribed. After searching for their boy in every imaginable place where it was thought he could be, without avail, they had about given up . all hopes of finding him, and there is a probability if it had not been for that faithful Newfoundland dog, the child would have starved to death or died of grief in the lonesome forest. During the two days and nights that be was lost he was without a mouthful to eat, and his countenance show ed plainly that he had indulged extensively in tears. Bow to cure Cancer The Milwaukee Democrat states that some eight months ago, Mr T. B. Mason, of that city ascertained that he had a cancer on his face the size of a pin. It was cut out by Dr. Wolcott, and the wound partially heal ed Subsequently it grew again, and while he was at Cincionatti on business,. it attain ed the size of a hickory nut. fie remained there since Christmas under treatment, and is now perfectly cured. The process is Life: A piece of sticking plaster was put over the cancer, with a circular piece cut out of the center a little larger than the cancer so that the cancer and a small circular rim of heal thy skin next to it were exposed. Then a plaaer mile, of chloride of zinc, blood root and wheat flour, was spread on a piece of muslin the size of this circular opening and applied to the cancer for twenty-four hours, Ou removing it, the cancer will be found burnt into and appear of the color and hard ness of an old shop sole, and the circular rim outside of it will appear white and par boiled, as if• scalded by hot steam. The wound is now dreesed, and the outside rim soon separates, and the cancer comes out in a hard lump, and the place heals up. The plaster kills the cancer, so that it sloughs out like dead flesh, and never grows again. The remedy was discovered by Dr. Fell, of Lon don, and has been used by him fur six or eight years, with unfailing success, and not a ease has been known _or the reappearance of the cancer when this remedy has been ap plied. FonciETruLNEss.—qleary, did you bring that book down ?' .N 1) sir, I forgot it.' 'Forgot it ! This is the third timo.• You are indeed.a heedless boy, and if I had time I would preach you a homily on forgetful. peas. When a porson begins to forget, there's no knowing Where ho will end. Why you need not forget—and there's a better way to romebber than to tie a string around your finger, or put a piece-of paper in your hat.— Place it upon your mind, my boy, and there's no danger. Do you ever forget to eat ? Never. When you are promised an excur slot) of pleasure, do you over forget it. Never. You engrave it on youturind. it abomti be with every thing you wish to re call. - Be determined to do whatever you are told nod you will Dever COlllO to me with the excuse, I forgot it. I dislike those words.— Remember, boy, what I tell you, and be not heedless in future. Thera, I have not time to say more at present' LAME PEST.—Some think that large feet are uogenteel, but they are convenient for all that: A person with large feet stands a bet. to chance in a high wind than one of small feet, as he is not so liable to overiet. Large feet are also more convenient fur kicking ras cals On the other hand, lap feet are in conveuient on account of the expense of shoe leather and stmckiug yarn. It •also takes longer to wash large feet than small ones. It is still soother advantage of largo feet that it puts tho owner on'm `substuatial foist ing in society !'—besides, there is safety An broad fouudations everywhere. Indulging io daugcrou2 pleasures is 1 Ice licking hooey from u knife and gettiog out with the 'edge. It is curious fact that the MOM check a mau has, the less he IA titles. 612.00 1 26 451 1 ; ' rear NUMBER 42 A Yankee Boy. A tourist tells the following story : WO= recently met our friend, Dr. Lord, formerly of Boston. He has been a resident of this section for about six years. During his first few years ho was extensively engaged in buy ing wool, and ou ono occasion becoming ho• wildered with the multiplicity of crooked roads over the broad praries, he rode up to a small cabin inclosed in a clump of locust trees, and a White-headed boy perched on the top of a ben coop, with : 'Halloo, boy _ _ _ 'I reckon you're astranger,' _was the re sponse. - 'Look here, sonny.' • 'I ain't your soapy. • 'No, not my sonny, but if you will jump down and . come here I'll give you a dime.' Tho boy sprang as if alighted from a wasp's ne,,t, :mid coming up to the- stranger exclaimed - 'Will old hoes what is it?' 'l've 1 , st nay way and don't know where I am Can }cog tell me 1' 'Yes, you're on your horse !' Mr. Lord laughed at the boy's wit, and handed him a dime The boy took the mon ey, lookino• ' - upon it with mingled feelings of wonder an d &light, and said : reckon you must have a power of mon ey!' 'Cause you slather it away so.' 'What's your father's name Y' inquired Mr. Lord. 'Bill Jenks,' was the reply. 'Ah, yes, I know him,' exclaimed Mr. Lord ; 'he grows wool don't he r 'No, -but his sheep does.' 'lf you knew me, imp lad, you would be more respectful in your replies. I'm a friend of your father; my name is Lord.' Oh, yes! exclaimed the astonished lad, 'l've heard pap read about you in the Bible,' and starting_for the house on a dead run, ho ha led out at the to. of his tun • 'Mother, mother, the Lord is out here ca horse-back, and has lost his way.' Josn BILLINGS ON BED ])uos.—l never see ennybody yot.but what despised bed bugs. Tha ar the meanest ov awl crawling, hoppio,? creepin,' or bitin' things. Tha (lament tickle a man by (Lae, bat sneak in after dark and thaw him while he is asleep. A musket° will fight you in brad dalite, at sLort rouge, sod give you a chance to knock at his sides—the flea is a game bola, and will make a dash at you even in Broadway—but the bed bug is a garroter, who waits til you strip, and then picks out r mellow place to eat you. If I ivaz ever in the habit of swaring, I would not hesitate to damn a bed bug rite to biz face. Bed bugs are oncommon smart in a small way-zone pair of them will stock a hair mat tress in two weeks with bugs enuff to last a small family a whole year. It dont do envy good to pray when bed bugs are in season; the only way to get rid of them is to bile up the whole bed in aquatortis and then heave it away and buy a new one. Bed bugs, when tha have grown aul tha intend to, are about the size ova blue jay's- - and have a brown complexion; when the start out to garrote tha are as flat as a greese spot, but when tha sit thru garroting are swelled up like a blister. It takes three days to git the swelling out ov them. If bed bugs have enny destiny to fi'l it must be their stummuks, but it seems to bo tha must have been made by acksident, just ez shovers are, tcw stick into somebody. If they wuz got up for some wiza purpose, they must have took the wrong track, for there kant be many wisdum in ehawiug a man aul Bite long, and raising a family besides to fuller the same trade If there is some wisdom in aul this, I hope, the bugs will chow them folks who can see it, and lot sue be, because I am one of the -heretiks. The following will apply with force to al most every '•well bred" town WANTED hundred and seventy•five - young men, more or 1e59, of all shapes and sizes, from the tall graceful, with hair suffi cient to stuff a barbar's cushion, down to, the bow legged, freckled-faced, earret head ed upstart. The olket is,,to form a gaping corps, to be in attendance at the church doors at the - close of divine service each Sab bath. to stare at the 13dies. as they leave the church, and to make delicate and gentlem.tu ly remarks on their dress. Ail who wish to enter into the 'above corps will appear on the steps of • the various church doors on next Sunday evening where they will be du• ly inspected, their names, personal appmir - - ance, and quantity of brains, registered in a book kept for that purpose To prevent a general rash, we will state that no 013 ;till be enlisted who possesses intellectuil,capaci ty above that of a well bred donkey. THE SOCIETY Or WOMAN.—No society is wore profitable, because none wore refining and provueattve of virtua than that of a re fined and senithls woman God enshrined peculiar , 00duess in the (ovoid . woman that her beauty might win, her gentle vt.i te lay 1 4 , and the desire to leave the path of siclul lite, fur the ways of pleasantness and peace. but when woman falls Iroin her 'bless eminence, and sinks the guardian and cherisLer or pure and rational enjoyments itao the vain co quette and flittered idolater of idle fashi , •u, she is unworthy of an honorable man's or a sensible wan's admiration. lieauty in then but, at least A, protty plaything., Dear &tow.' A little girl , happoniog tc h n ar her mother 'Twitting of going iuto h%lt mutilating said 'Why aro we Koiug into half monroing, wawa ; ore aoy ut uur relations half dead?'