_ . . • .. I • 1, - z...-2`4,4 t . ~ e•: • ••• ',::- 4,..., 7 7 - ,.- .-- _ . : , . T f .. • .. ..." , . • -••- " " . . • • . .. . . _ . . _ . " 1-. ..: :' :k:c , _:,:;,... • •_,. . , . - , .ii• ': 1"11% . , .....:L-... • C . V . . • ik'l 2 . . ' . s -,`' 'IL-- •,xl,4Losiu-s , - , r:./..11), .irt., rtiC . ... rf . I. . 7 - - . - • -•• ' . .::,. .. ~ ' 4,'• . , 1 4- ,, ` , - - 7 .t9 . , . ~ :,... \ _ ... _ . ; VII L ---_-.....1" -- - .-• . , L . , ...,,.... . _. s33r W. Xlietiv.- o'l`l.[t I. - MEDICINES, ,4110_13._ Go to Fourthman's ~~ ~1 ~r ~3~':~~3~~ Mrynesboro' , Muy 24, 18G7 J. B EA. V E It, DEALER IN Ladies,' Misses, Chi<em, Mat and . Boys BOOTS & SiIOES, Hats, Caps, Trunks, etc. Segars. Tobacco, the very same old kind of Rap pee :+.nuff, Candies, IN'utg, Cloves. YMlLAkinini, P.p.— ef .„_tri a k.ing__&sti„_Gin•or Bakit,.p; Molldis•es, Shoe and Stove I:Fmoneo of Colleo, lam and (flan, Suvenders; 110,e, Pdpur, Ink and bteel pens. THE LTC SITOE SOLE. I na ps, lAlly Wnite, flair 1)11, Perfumeries, %bites, Kerosene, &e. &e. Governm-tit. Dlatiketa. Also Guth Hiankete. Many inure urticks neLdtd and used by e very billy. Reuel on the nerth.ea.st Corner in the Diamond, WAYINESBOHO'. CitlzPris and persons living in the Country will find a large 11111 i well selected btock of lust class gooes at as luw fisuresag cm be sold m the eoun- ry. Sept. 20 1867. r- UNTS fir FA IIM PALS and others.—The Grit= d ton Mineral Paint Co., are now manufacturing the Best, Cheapest. and most Durable Paint in use: two coats well put on, mixed with pure Linseed Oil, will last 10 or 15 years• it is of a light brown or beautiful chocolate color, and can ix, changed to green, lead, stone, drab, olive or cream, to suit the consumer. It is valuable for Houses, Burns, Fe ces, Carriage and Car maskers" , grita.. ) Jaini Wnotlen ware, Agricultural Implements, Canal Boars, Ves sels, and Ships' Bottoms, Canvas, Metal and Shin gle Roofs. (it being fire and Water proof), Flour Oil Cloths, (ono Manufacturer mint used Non bbla. the pa-t year.) and as a triint for any puriarw is unsurvissed fur body, riunitriliry, elastletty. and adhesiveness. Warranted in alt cast, as above. Saud for a circular which gives full particulars. None genuine unless branded in a 'ride mar 6 Gr.ll - Mineral Paint Adre-rs DANIEL BIDWELL 251 Peer: Sr. N. Y. For sale nt the liwklware store ot GEBEII & RHINE!' ART, whu are 11:10 Carriage Grtasth Oct.4-6in LUMBER WANTED. suLscriliera will pty , tfio hi h Lst cleh pr ire J. for Luniburoo bu aelive:u.l this beasua, and will also want a largo lot f.r nvat. ISOII • dept. 6-af, Ulr161:1 , 1, & CO. 1 jai Kra) IIAT, 141 lin Street, ChanieerNbar,;, LON, is a sure sign that'y am near thu Che.c; awl Fashlonable 11 - at Emporium of rriflE largest assortment oC CA It ET 6 o town at tho star,' at Atiacrtsaa, BCNP:DIer (St t' PP.IME N. 0. illolessees at the stare, nC 41,5 k k.blC.l . {ic t. ~ ~ ~?~ iIIEwILT 1111. MO UGS nlirll/ WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY ; PENNSYLVANIA, FRIDAY MORNING, JANUARY 17,1808 PC)II:9VICLELT_R. IF WE KNEW. If we knew the cares and crosses, Crowding round our neighbors' way, If we knew the little losses,„ Sorely grevious Jay by day Would we then so often chide him, For his lack of thrift and gain— Leaving on his heart a shadow, - Leaving on our lives a stain I If we knew the clouds:above us, Held by gentle blessings there, Would we turn away all trembling, In our blind and week despair ? Would we shrink from little shaduwe, Lying on the dewy grass, While 'tis only birds of Eden, Just in mercy flying past 1 If we knew the silent story, Quivering through the heart of warn. Would our womanhood dare doom them Back to haunts of guilt again 'I Lilc bath many a tangled crossing; Joy bath nitiliy — rilite - alt - ntw — And the cheeks; tear wa s hed, r.nr whitest-; This the blessed angels knew. Letus reach into our hosams, For the . key to other lives, And with love toward erring nature -- Cherish guud that still survives ; So that when our disrobed spirits, Soar to realms of light agnin, We may say, dear Father, judge us As we judged our fellow-ineu. DELUSION. We midi The phantom of a day ; We dance to folly's measure, And with remorse we pay. We flatter 'hoe() above ue : Their frailties imitate; Neglecting friends who lovo And fondle where we hate. We hear the voice of reason, Resolve an a fee them for a season, And heed it when too late, While happiness we're wooing O'er land arid sea we roam ; The Goddess we're pursuing, Ir waiting•us at home. • Still counting on the morrow, We reach the end at la.t ; Then worlds tt_tild give to borrow, One moment from the pat. IVI Ia la -/' 3CJ Dr.-..11.14r3r . AVE 11.. FL X 30 9 THE BLUE HANDKERCHIEF., Toward the close of October, ou a fine day which I well remember, . though 8u many years have since elapsed, I was returning on toot from Orleans, to the aucicut Chateau de Bard y, one of those relies of a fernier age which have always an interest flow old as sociations. The road wound e:reui , ously among the hills; the sun was:Air:tug t,ri;;ht• ly on the green fields anu the little cottages half hidden in their trees; the air, suit and warm, was laden with the rich odor of fruit, and Nature all around me seemed to riot in the luxury of life. Some distance in ad _vattee,and on the same road, a regiment of the Garde Etrangere was matt:Mug, Ini-ure-fy along, the hay uniforms forming a brilliant contrast with the tranquil air which seemed to spread itself over the country. I pushed quickly on fur 1 wanted to listen to the mu ate el their hand, of which I could only catch a few distant notes; but as I drewThearer, the music ceased, and the drum only beat from time to tune, to Mark the measured step of the soldiers. After half au hour I came up with theta and I was surprised and pleased to recognize in one of the officers a friend whom 1 had known in Paris. We sa luted each other, and walked on tt4t.etlinr io coat'ersation, when the regiment suddenly wheeled off the road, and halted on a little common beside it, surrounded almost entire ly with fir-trees. 'You are about to manceucre, I suppose?' ‘No,' said the captain, with a shrug of his shoulders, 'we have a had jut) here. They are about to try, and probably sheet, a sol dier of my company, fur having robbed the peasant he was bil:etted ' 'What judge him and coudeuin him and execute him, all in the same inumeat ?' •Tis according to the articles answermi The word, in his sense, was unanswerable; as if in tht.o articles every thing had been provided for—eritne and eiv4ibctuent, jus• tice and. humanity itmtlt. • 'Come, bail the captiAin. me. if you Lave any eutiobity ; it vrili SOIRII be ever_!, - Iristiuctively - 1- Ivilowed him, for L wri3 . %} - 6., &roils Of beeittg the end at this btrange draws. The regiment was formed in a squlre; be hind the e•teend line, and at the edge of the wood, a few of the soldiers were diggitn.: gnere. A cold chi 1 ten through me en 1 saw It. Bet still it war quite p , :i.sible that the culprit might be dcc:a►cd inrocent, and c Dr] ulc d wystlf with the rtll,etion. Iu the centre of the 3tillare, eight OfileCTS weft: sittiu, upin► draws, and a ninth, to the light ul thew and a little in advance, wrott , !rue► tiale to time a few words ow a sheet 1,1 lea urea, LEM Am. .113.cleepeia cleaat Family' IVervseariparae•r. paper, which was spread out_ 013 his - knees but he seemed to we to do it negligently, and n, a mere matter of form. ' The prisoner was summoned, He wag's young man, of fine appearance, and with a frank. open look, which was in - itself "a commendation and with him a woman ad vanced, who was the only witness in the matter. The colonel turned toward her, and was about to interrogate'her, when the soldier stepped forward. Its useless,' said he; 'I confess every thing; itra who haVe stolen the handker chief of this woman.' 'You, Titer,' said.the oolonel, 'you have always passed for an honest fellow.' ''Tis true, colonel, I have always tried to please my officers. 'Tis not for myself I stole it; 'tis.for Marie; 'For what Marie ?' 'Fur Marie who lives yonder, in the coun try; 'tis by Areneberg, by the great tree that— Shall I. never see her again ?' 'Explain yourself, Titer. I can not com prehend you' 'My colonel, read, I pray, this lettor.'— And he handed him the following letter, ev• cry word of which is living in my-memory 'TITER, DEAR. FRIEND.-1. avail myself of Arnold, the recruit, wh - o — is engaged irr - t, • regiment, to seud•to thee this letter and a silk purse which 1 have made alter thy wish; -- I hid myself from my father to make it ; for - Ire - s - colds - we - alwayirforlovittg=ttree - sommeir, --- I and tells tne_tlinu_wilt_rieseremn , e; . But thou wilt come back. Titer ?;yen if thou (lost not, 1 shall still hive thee Did I not promise thee, on the day when thou broughtest me my blue kerchief at Amite berg ? When s hall 1 again see thee ? .It gives me pleasure to bear thou art . esteemed by thy oflieersand loved 41 thy comrades. But thou bast stilt two years. Pass 'them quick & • Titer, dear friend. S.—Try to Bend one something from France, not for fear that l forget thee, but that 1 way oarry it with me. But thuu must-luiss,w h at-thou-send esi,_for_Lain_s_u_t e shall find at once the phieu of thy kiss." When the letter had been read Titer again spoke. 'Arnold,' said he, •brought me that letter last night, when I received my billet. All night I had,,no sleep; for I was thinking of my country and of Marie. She had asked me for something front France; but I bad no money, for 1 have engaged my pay for three ialiAitilis - Wiscrfre - e my-brother-and-cousin; who returned lt o their country now a few days past. This morning I got up to leave, and I Opened my window. A blue kerchief was hanging on a icord. It was like Mario's; it had the same color, the same white lines in it. I had the weakness to take s it. I placed it in my haversack, and I descended Oldie street; but I repented, and I was re turning to the house when the woman ran alter me. The handkerchief was found on rue. I have told the truth. The articles say lamto be shut. shout me, then, but do not despise me.' The judges could not hide their emotion. Who could? But when it was put to the vote ho was condemned to death unanimous. ly. 11c listened to the sentence with calm ness, and then, approaching the captain, -he prayed of him that he would tend him four francs. The captain handed them to him. And then I saw him turn to tLo woman, to whom the handkerchief had been restored, and I heard these words: 'Here, Montane, ate four francs, I know not if the handkerchief be worth wore, but if it be, L ant giving my life I,r it m well I pray you, then, to let we take it.' The poor woman, trembling anti horrified, let it (hop from her hand, and Titer, taking it front the ground walkei back to the 'My officer,' said he, in a tone that it was suffocating to here, and that brought tears e_al_e_yesna_two_years you 117111 return to our mountains; you will again bee them Ask for Marie, then, at A reoulierg; all the village knows Mhrie —silo is so good My 61licer, give her this handkerchief from poor Titer; but üb! do not say ut what price lie • bought it You pronlit.tr promise,' replied the other, the tears rolling dow,u I.is checks. ALA thou Titer knelt down I nd,hegan to recommend his soul to God. An for Llie, Could nu iellger hear this horrible spectacle —this martyrdom of an innocent whom Na titre herself absolved. 1 crawled away, sick with horror, my limbs trembling under rue, and a weight hanging heavily on toy heart, and threw input' into the wood, that I alight not see the cruel tragedy about to happen. lost 11.1eavvrn•!' I cried, '!;:)f what impieties is not man guilty! Not even for an hour can lie be good and kind. 'Tigers are more merciful. We arc to each other wolves or divinities. God pardon this haple:•s One•—' The echo of the muskets rang through the wood; the very leaves seemed to tremble as it rolled from tree to tree- I fell upon sty kn e 4, I wept aloud. liy-and•by, when. all was quiet, I stole out of the vvooii. They had all gone. All? Ala-: I tu. ned again •to the road, and I shuddered to see, at a little distance, the short gra.s e. lambed with ghastly stains; close by was a moult/ of tiew.dug earth. 1 broke down a branch from 'Ono of the trees, and 1 ashioaed it into a rude cruts; and I planted it on the unlieuwo'gtave where pour Titer lies, forgot teu by,till the world save by me and perhaps by Mari . 4Zry reliaioua old ladj, being, a•iccei her ontoion . .ol the orguu of a church iho first ti ite bite bad seen or heard one, repro i ; .LI • la a potty box of whistles, but it 1, a.l aw ful o;ay to speed the Sabbati kiiie•l in 13razil,expret when they are introduced to ;1 soul gn:r, to he eii,ht:4ecd. w, 41 .1. LA for tguigrtitio:i thi.:l:o CAN . YOU COUNT A BILLION Said a giber to hie black-eyed eon one eve ning, 'Cali you' count a billion r 'Certainly, papa, that's no great fent' o you know how many is a billion ?' 'Not exactly, but I Will see what Webster says in his great dictionary, Here it is. A million of millions, as many millions as there are' units in a million.' 'Now, my son, this is a very large num ber, and do you think you can count it 7'— • 'Certainly I can.' _ 'How long do you think it will take you if you do nothing else but count s ?' 'Perhaps all day, or easily in two days.' 'Take your slate and pencil and let us ma ko a little calculation. As your tongue is very nimble. I will allow that you can count two hundred in a minute. How many will this give you in an hour ?' 'Why, only 12 000.' --(And how many in twenty-four hours ?' 'Only 288.000,' 'This tells you that two days are not o• nougb even if you count without eating or sleeping, for it would only give you 576,000, which is far short of a billion.' 'Give me a whole year and I will count it.' the-good-natured_father,_ with" a twiokle iu his eye, will give you -sl;ooo—and—take—you—to—Niagara—and—the- White Mountains the nest summer. Come, - utwytrtrrpen ci I-aga ittanti-see-h-owfar-a--y ear ceir•_•iu toward the billion, allowing that you work 365 days, and 24 hours each day. Multiply 288,000, counted in a day, by 365, and what result have,you 7' 'Why, papa, only •105,120,000. I give it up, for I do not believe that I could count it in all my lifetime.' 'That is very probable, my son, but now you arc at it, keep up the calculations and _t how loi) e it would take to count a billion. Be careful in your multiplications -ant.Latlditions-_fur-a small mistake where the EMETIE figures are so many will iii — ake a great Cafe—F ence in the result. I will look it over with you. You have made the calculation, and what is the result. 'Perfectly amazing. o count a millionl times a Million would take 9,512 years, 34 days, 5 hours and 20 minutes at the rate el' 200 . f0r every minute. This no man could do' 'This calculation demonstrates to you, my son, that Howe things which, in our igno. ranee, sacra to bo very easy, aro, upon ex eriment -found_to be ver• difficult if not • impracticable If, Adam, instead of diso - bey ing, - ood - , - had - c-innen cod -cone ti ng-from the .first momen t of his being, and continued until now, he would•only have got through with about two-thirds of his task. There is a moral iu this, my son. flow could the business of the world be carried on if all the contracts were to be settled in gold and sil ver dollars and each piece had to be counted? There is a class of men who are very clam orous for only a metallic currency.' Such say pay for everything in gold or silver.— Only buy what you have the coin for. Such persons, like you, my son, speak before they calculate. They think they can count a billion but they cannot. They do not think bow I w the wheels of trade and commerce w d move, and bow little employment there ,culd be for the great masses of men, if their schemes were put in practice. flow could the present business of a single day at board of trade in Chicago be carried on ? So ,such time would ba consumed in count ing the coin and carrying it to a place of safety, that many days would be required to do what is now done easily and safely in a few hours Things arc better as they arc both fur the poor and the rich. There is not coin enough in existence to do the prey , ent business of the world for a single day if every contract must be settled only in gold or ,silver. Never attempt- to count a billion, but improve each hour as it passes in serving God by hottest living and by doing good to your - fellow mew . — The A-drance. FIDELITY.—Never forsake a friend.— When enemies gather mound, when sickness falis upon the heart, alien the world is d a rk and cheerless, is the time to try true friena %hip. The heart that has been touched with true gold will redouble its efforts when the friend is sad and in trouble. Adversity , tries real friendsbip. They who run from the scenes of diSt'e33 LeVay their hypecricy, and prove that interest only moves thou. If you have a friend who loves you, who has studied your interest and happiness, he sure to &uvula him in adver sity. Let him feel th:-,t, his former 'kindoets is appreciated, anri that his love was not thrown away. Real fidelity may be rare, but it exists in the heart. Who has not seen atoi felt ifs power r They who deny its worth and , power, never loved a f'rieud or labored , ,to make a frit.rid happy.— The good and the Lind, the affectionate and the virtuous, see and feel the heavenly prin ciple. They would sacrifice wealth arid all but honor to promote the happinesf- of oth ers, and in return they would receive the re ward of Their love by sympathizing hearts and doubted favors when they have been brought low by ditcase or adversity. Goml,temper is on ircstimt.bie blessing, both in the workrhap and out of it. If peo:. ple thought more of its value, they would be at Inure paint% to oecure it. It 27:04 .1 Ray 'trig 0 1 the great Adtlint.n t are think, that ft goo' temper is worth tire hundred a ycnr. The Christian workuißti knows how it is got When not a moonlit gift, it must be planted gni wi.tereci by God iu the boll of 2 rescuer, aced maw°. A correspondent writes to silk if the brow of a hill eror becomel. Viltinkird ? The only iillormatiwnWe can give on that point is, that re hare , elton seen it t arrowrti. TU übtalo ktkovee , l34) rutot Friend - Ahip. Life is to be forfeited b y s ' many friendships. TO 15ve - andle - loved is the greatest -happi ness in existence. HI lived under the bur rung sun ,of the Equator, it would be a pleas ure to me to think that there were human beings on the other side of the world who regarded and respected me; I could not, and would not, live if I were alone upon the earth and cut off from the remembrance of my fel low creatures. , It is not min has oicaision to fall back upon the kindness of his friends. Per haps be May never experience the necessity of so doing, but we are governed by our im aginations, and they stand there as a solid bulwark against all tk3 evils of life. Friend ships.should be form - ea with persons of all ages and conditions, and with both sexes, I have a friend who is a bookseller, to whom. I have been very civil, and who would do any thing to serve me, and I have two or three small friendships among persons in much hen:bler walks of life, who, I verily believe, would do me a considerable kindness accord ing to their means. lam for a frank expla nation with friends in cases of affronts.— They sometimes save a perishing friendship and even place it upon a firmer basis than at first, but secret discontent must always -end badly.,—SinNEY SMITIL 1-...•..... _ ____ In-th e-early-days-of-th e-S tat e—of—l inliasta_l the capital, was Corydon, and the annual Bes -tie -ft----of--the---General---Assembly----usuall• brought together as wild a set of mad 'wag:, as could be found in the State, wha bad to rely upon their own resources for amusement, for there were then but few theatres, con certs or shows. The lovers . of mischief had established a Nock Alasonic .Lorlye, into which they would entice such as were a little green, and take them through a variety of ridiculous cero Monies, to the infinite amusement of the crowd. On one of these cceasions, it being nu- Acrii.VA - th - ara good•natured athtoticyoung man, about half a -simpleton was to• be initiatcd, the room was crowded, -Judge Grass (it being a character in which he was -- remilitwly - kappy) - aonsen ti g- t o-n c t-t h to of the devil; and to make the services more impressive, bad put on a false face and a large paper cap, surmounted with horns, and with some chains in his hand, placed himself behind a screen. After taking the candidate through a variety of ceremonies, he was brought to II stand before the screen, and told that he had to confess all the rimes he hid committed during his-whole hfc. The candidate con fassedpsome- trivial offenses, and declared that he could recollect no inure! At this the Judge came out from his 'hiding. place, groaned and shook his chains. Tho fright ened candidate. related some other stnail matters, and declared no had disclosed all the crimes he had ever committed. At this the groans of the pretended devil became furious, the chains rattled and ho shook his horos in the face of the terrified candidate, who, start ing back in alarm, cried out: "II•hold on, /01-m-mister D.d-devil, if I m-must tell you, I d did k kiss J j-judge G gra& vv.-wife a c-c-couple of r-times!' The groaning ceased and the devil disap peared. TUE WAY TO HEALTIL—The only true way to health is..that which common sense dictates to man. Live within the bounds of\ reason Est moderately, drink temper ately, avoid CXCCF3 in anything., and preserve' a conscience '•void of ofh.:nse.! Sumo mtn eat themselves to death, some wear out their lives by indolence, and some by over exer tion, others are killed by the doctors whilo not a few oink into tho grave under the ef fect of vicious and beastly practices. All I the medicines in creation are not worth a farthing to a man who is constantly and habitually violating the laws of his own nature. All the medical science in the world --cannot save him from a premature grave. With a suicidal bourse of conduct, he i s planting the teeds of decay in his own con stitution, and accelerating the destruction of hi 3 own life. - •••/9••- - - - • To PrIC,MOTB ‘1.711. —Du nrit air, s O rne. wondettul announcement, some la-cinating mystery. N. It is simply the plain little practice of leaving your hec:roona wiudow a little open at 11. e top while sleep in,7, both , winter and summer. I do not come before you as a theorist or an inespc- . ricnced teacher, in thuS calliEg loudly upon very family to this healthful practice I am the father of ten children, all in pure health, and have—thank God—ntrver lost one, although their natural constitutions were not robust. But in addition to the salutary effect of the practice 41 my own Niftily, wherever I have advised others to try its effects, it has finvariahly been found to be both pleasant and herofioial POCnt PELACTICES . .- T. a.tfernpt to fitter, three ling 9 into twelve iiiint.Leti p(41:1114 - of perk on jut as much Iced Us would keep two nieeiygit,wing To entituate agricu`tural fairs a? arrant linthlog%, aud rl emd dirce dollars ertiry mouth roving tlic country at p9ittical To depend upon burrowing ycur neigh bor's rakes. trloWerS, and all sorts 1 ) 1 ments is 114yitg and harve4 time. To house up a thousand busliel4 of grain, waiting, for a rise, till one-fourth has none to feed mate and mice, and the remainder smalls Itke the c: , sence of'rat, and the price, down Jetty r.r cent. To 1. lant oot a Lig, orchard of' froit trees with tiralt thought it of ti bate thew to do or die. Every roan tusguifiett it juries lie has re and lott,etis (hots° lie has kit c ed. :S.ilvtlliDg Ca" to groat tvll4th is no: right OfB.oo Par "Zenr Pat and. the Deacon. • , Some - months - ago, - ati Deacon liagalle, of - • mpseot, R. I , was travelling through the westo • r part of-the State of New York, he-. fell in with an Irishman who had lately ar rived in this country, and was in search of a brother who -had come before him and set tled in some of the diggings in that part of the country.. Pat watt a strong man, a true Roman Catholic, and had never seen the in terior of a Protestant church. He told Pat he was going to church, and invited his new mad. friend to keep his company thither, - his destination being a small meeting house near by. There was a great revival there at the time, and ono of the deacons, who was a very small man in stature, ibvired er Ingalls to a seat in his pew. fro accepted the invitation, foil 'wed by po, who looked in vain for the alter, eta. After he was seated, ho turned around to 13rother Ingall9, and, in a whist er that could be heard all around, be inquired : 'Shure, - an' isn't dd.= a heretic church ?' • sail Ingalls, 'it yud sp i cak a word they will put you out.' a word will I spat: at all,' repled Pat. -The meeting-was openedliiith prayer by the pastor, l'at was eyeing him very eicsely, when an old gentleman, who was standing in rho -pew . co l' yo divil,' rejoined i'at, in his lou•l dacent and don't make a theklicaLl o yourself.' The parson grew more fervent in his de votions. Presently the deacon uttered an audible gioan—(Amen 'Kist, ye blackguard ! flare ye no dam , cy at all?' said Pat; at the same lime giving him a punch in the ribs which caused him to lose his ez - pilibrium, The minist, -(1. and extending big r stop hands in a suppliant manner, said 'Brethren, we cannot he disturbed in thls way. Will some one put the man - out ?'" 'Yes, your riverence,' shouted Pat, 'I will do it! And suitinc , the action to the word, be collarcd-ttra-dOacouTandT-tio-the-u-t-t-er-horrex- of the paStor, Brother legalist, and the whole congregation, he dragged him up the aisle, And, with a tremendous kick, sent him into the vestibule of the church. A friend from the country, on telling Foote of an expensive funeral of au attorney, the hitter replied: 'Du you bury your attorn ,, ys ?' 'Yes, to be sure 17: e do, liovr el se ?' 'Oh said the other, much surprised, 'bow do you manage ?' When the patient happens to tic, we lay him out in tLe room over night by hitnsell, lock the door, throw open the sa,h, and in the morninir he ig entirely off.' 'lndeed,' said the oilier, in amazement, 'what becomes of him ?' `Why, that we cannot tell; nil -we know is there's a etrong smell' of brimstone in the room next morning.' No MORE DISH WARTITSO.- A Michigan genius has invented a machine that will wash a dinner's dishes in double quick time All the kitchen maid has to do is to drop the plates_into_a_maelline, •edgewise,--give—tw-o turns of a crank, and take out the clean articlo as it rises from the sudsy bath, with out the least danger of t,caloing her lin:zer-, or even getting more than the tips el: dim) wet, What can be a more desolate speetact.e than an old bachelor sitting! upon an inver ted half-htrhol, in a cold kitchen, with hi 4 feet op the brim of a slop-bucket, paring hip corns with a eve knife, by tho I;ght of a tallow candle? Nothin'. most pnop!o think editing a parer k na Ca oy as making love. A half day's esperie;.ce will explode the pteasant fiction. e Lad rather make love to a dozen women thou edit one pacer. Cranlv. , rry wine taken internally \ nod ep• plied externally, ir. announced (we know nJt by whom) as a cure kr serofWa For t+ev• era! years past cranberry poullices have been declared in the new:Till:ens to be a certaiu eu.e fur cancer. A. ?, mart. ilia. hearing Jra mother remark that she wai ford of mu.4ie. exclaimed : •Thee, why tiou't you get toe adi r Why iF a littAband like a 7;liAsissippi steam boat ? Bee9 , e he never ktiows how scou t he may get a blowing up. Whs is kissurvz, a girl like eltirift with a fork? Decauzc you cannot g n0u.41/. IV hat pnrtion of \roct.l re.o. - nh!cs a cc kind cf rot , e ? At):lcer—A curd. Why are :he wai.ls the most ehq*:r• ing of . peop'4.: ? I;eca use they are mAtch!ess; 1 . -tv lai'es are so nuyleA a 3 to DAUM! to t,it. iu du: lap of lustry. 'ernels' .:Ss if Mr.. L'ne . r;ln sells al: hop elutLes, Le'll call her a shiftleS3 woman. Why is a tronse like a (vm's tail ? Be cause they blth grow tr)ie•;. "31uch 1d•) a!)Gu: nothingr—clte pv..ting of young ladies. When does n roan have to keep his ccur I? When no ()tic wiil take it. - A thorn in the bash is worth two in the baud. • STl , nr.et the n 1,1.1 wno Ppeake ilkgf evety.,-; NUMBER 28
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers