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VOLUME XVII
wPowrigra..fLiAl.
JENNY WADE.
TIIE HEROINE OF GETTYSBURG
Rear high the monumental pile
Of marble pure and white,
A life which gladdened earth erewhile --
Has passed to realms of light.
Rear high the monumental pile
To one who hated• wrong;
And tearful bards her fame the while
Perpetuate in song.
CHORUS.-
In the quiet churchyard sleeping
With our bravest fitly laid.
Moans the wind, through willows weeping,
O'er the grave of?enny Wide.
When man havdone some-gallant deed
We yield a wild acclaim,
And booming cannon speak the meed
Bestowi'd Upon his name: .
If death on battlefield he In;fved,
And serv'd his country Well,
We wrap him in the flag that waved
Above him when he fell.
When to the north wind rebels throng,
Their noisome traitor rag,
The dourage of a woman true
Upheld our dear old flag;
Where'er that starry flag shall wave,
--i-Mid-clouds or on the plain
Remember'd be thy hallow'd grave—
For home and country slain. ,
Thy bright example still shall nerve.
Our soldiers in the-fight,• •
iTho' dead, thy spirit yet' shall serve
Freemen defending Right;
Thy death a nation long shall mourn',
Thy deeds embellish arts;
Thy name on brehze and billow borne,
Thy mem'zy in our hearts.
-Quorum.—
Fare thee well brave 'spirit ! never
• Shall ihy wreathe of laurels fade;
Fragrant flowers shall bloom forever
O'er thy grave, sweet Jenny Wade.
HYMN TO THE BRAVE.
ECIEBIECE
HoW sleep the brave, who sink to rest
By all their Country's wishes blest !
When Spring, with dewy fingers cold,
Returns to deck their hallowed mold,
She there shall dress a sweeter sod
Than Fancy's feet have ever trod
By fairy forins their k'neil is rung,
By forms unseen their dirge is Sung ;
There Honor comas, tray,
To bless the turf that wraps their clay ;
And Freedom shall awhile repair,
To dwell a weeping hermit there.
arr
THE CALICO CLOAK.
6 -g-Have-you-scon the new seliolar ?" — apked
Mary Lark, a girl of twelve or fourteen years,
' as she ran to meet a group of schoolmates
who were coming towards the schoolhouse;
—"she cuts the most comical looking ficure,
you ever saw. Her cloak is out of calico and
her shoes are brogans—such as wen and boys
wear."
"Oh yes, I've seen her," said Lucy Brooks,
"she's the 'new washerwoman's daughter.—
I shouldn't have though/ Mr. Brown would
have taken her into the Academy; but I sup
, pose he -likes the money that comes through
suds as well as any."
"It is cleaner of course."
And the air rang with girls' laughter.
"Let us go in arid examine her," continu
ed Mary. as they ascended •the schoolhouse
steps. "I'm thinking she will make fun for
uscr ; le iris went into the new dressing-room,
where they found the new scholar. She was
a mild, intelligent looking child—but poorly,
though 'tidily clad. The girls went around
whispering and , laughing with each other,
while she stood trembling in one cornet: of
the room, without venturing even to raise
lier eyes from the floor. When she entered
the school they found the little girl far in
advance of those of her age in her studies--
as she was 'placed in classes with those of two
or-three years her senior. This r seetned. on
the whole, to make those g irls who were dis
posed to treat her unkindly, dislike her the
luore::..and she being of a retiring disposition,
had tio friends, but was compelled to giyand
return 'from school alone.
"And do you- really think?: said Mary
Lark, as she wont up to the little girl a fe
__weeks-after-she-entere - d - s - ehoo , "t at you are
ageing .to get the medal'] It will correspond
nicely' with your cloak!"
And she caught hold of the cape, and hold
'it out from .her, when the girls joined-in her
loud - laugh
"Calico cloak get time medal! I guess she
will! I should like to see Mr. Brown -give it
to her," said another girl as she caught hold
ttf her arni, - and peeped under the child's
bonnet.
Taro girl struggled to release errlf;
and when she was free, ran home a• fa 4
possible. • (
"Oh, medical" she exclaimed, asisho en
torbilthe 'humble °kitchen; "do answir Uncle
:William's 'leiter, and tell kiln re will come
to ilea' 'York .to live I don'tilike to live in
BriOgexille. the girls eallme o Cloak,'
and ‘J.lroollas,' and you don't know bow un
kindly eley treat me.",
WAYNESBRO', FRANKLIN GOUNTI, PENNSYLVANIA, FRIDAY MORNING, AP t::29 1864.
"Lizzie, my dear," said the, mother, "you
must expect to meet with. those who will
treat you unkindly on account of your pov=
erty, but you ninet not be discouraged.. Do
right, and you will eventually come off con
queror."
Although Mrs. Lee tried to encourage her
child, yet she knew that she had to meet
with severe trials for one so young.
Buti-motheri -- they are all unkind — to me.
There isn't one that loves me."
The child buried her face in her hands,
and sobbed aloud:
In the Brideville Academy there were a
few unprincipled girls; and the others join
ed them in teasing the little "'Calico Cloak,"
as they called her, from thoughtlessness or
love of sport. But they knew not how deep,
ly eacb sportive word pierced the heart of
the little stranger, now how many bitter tears
she had shed in secret over their unkind
ness.
Mrs. Lee, learning that the scholars con
tinued their unjust treatment towards her
child, resolved to accept her brother's invi
tation, although he was a poor man, and
through his influence Lizzie might perhaps
lead a happier life among new schoolmates.
Accordingly at the end of the term she left
Bridgeville, and removed to New York.
Althongh Lizzie had been a metu'aer of'
the school but one term, she had gained the
medal, and it was worn from the Academy
beneath the dispised garments.
Weeks, months and years glided away to
the' students of the Bridgeville Academy,
and the little•" Calico Cloak" was forgotten.
Those who had been at school with her had
left to enter upon the business of life.
Twelve years after Mrs. Lee left the town,
Mr. Ma3nard, a' young clergyman, came in
to Bridgeville, and was settled as pastor of
the -vil la go-ch areh-----It-was-m ported ; at-th •
sewing circle, 'the week following ordination,
that it was expected he would bring his bride
into town in a week. There Was great curi
osity to see her, especially after it was re
ported that sife Was a talented young author
ess. Soon after, Mr. Maynard gratified their
curiosity, by walking into church with his
young wife leaning on his arm. She was a
lady of great intellectual beauty, and every
body was deeply interested in the young min
ister and his wife.
The following week the young ladies flock
ed-to - see- her,. and—she promised to meet
them at the "next gathering of the sewing cir
cle.
The day arrived, and although it was quite
stormy, Mrs. Deacon Brown's parlor was fill
ed with smiling faces. Thie Deacon's car
riage was sent to the parsonage after- Mrs.
Maynard, and in due time it arrived, bring.
ing the lady within it. The shaking of hands
that followed her arrival, can be imagined by
those only who have been present upon such
occasions.
"How are you pleased with our village ?'
asked a 11Irs.. Britton, after the opening exer
cises were over, as she took a seat beside
Mrs. Maynard.
like its appearance much; it has im
proved wonderfully within the last twelve
years.
"Were you over in Bridgeville before?"
asked another lady, as those around looked
somewhat surprised.
0 1 was here a few months when a child,"-1
replied Mrs. Maynard.
•
Their curiosity was excited.
"Have you friends here?" asked a third,
after a moment's silence.
"I have not. I resided with my mother
—widow Lee. We lived in a little cottage,
which stood upon the spot now occupied by
a large storehouse, on the corner of Pine
street,"
"The widow Lce?" repeated Mrs. Britton;
4 1 well remember the cottage, but I don't re
collect the name."
•'I think I attended school With you at
the Academy," replied Mrs. Maynard. "Yau.
were Miss "Mary Lark—were you not?"
"That was my name." replied the lady, as
a smile passed over her features at being rec
ognozed; "but I am really quite ashamed
that my memory has proved so recreant."-
•"I was known in the Academy as the lit
tle 'Ca.lico ClOak.' Perhaps you can remem
ber me by that name."
The smile faded from the face of Mrs.
Britton, and a deep blush overspread her fea
tures, which in a few moments was seen
deepening upon the faces of Others present.
There was silence for some minutes When
Mrs. Maynard looked up she found she had
caused considerable disturbance among. the
ladies of her own age by making herself
Known.
Oh: I remember very well when the little
Cloak'.wcnt to the Academy," said
an 0143:1ady,. us she looked over , her glasses,
"and I think, if my memory serves me right,
some of' the ladies present owe Mrs, Maynard
an apology."
"I had no intention whatever ladies," re
plied Mrs. Maynard. ''to reprove any one
present by making`myself known; but as it
may seem to'some that such was. my inten
tion,.. n .•
youtlies remember the little 'Cali
co Cloak, but no one but the wearer knew
how deeply each ankind word pierced the lit ,
tle heart that beat beneath it. As I again
hear the old Academy bell ring, it brings
back to my mind the sorrow of my childhood.
But let no holy mistake me by supposing
that I cherish any unkind feeling toward a
ny one. I know that whatever the past may
have been, you are now my friends. But, la
dice ou-hard--ch ild renTlearrr
them a lesson froffUiy experience,and treat
kindly the poor and dispised. A calico cloak
may cover a. heart . as warm with affection,
and as sensitive with sorrow, as one that
heats beneath a velvet-covering., Whcrev
et you meet a child that shlwe a disposition
to despise the poor, tell it the story of the
little 'Calico Cloak'—it will carry its own
moral With it."
"That is the shortest, but the best sermon
.r ll 4ttaxiHlise ISTorottefkistichemes si
`,,
' I ever heard," said the old lady again t asshe
put her handkerchief under her glasses, "and
I don't believe it will be lost by any of us."
The old lady was right The story went
orth one to another, until it found its way
into the Atademy.
At that very time -a little boy was attend
ing school there, whose mother was strug- -
gling with her needle to give him an educa
tion. The boys often made sport of his
patched knees and elbows, and lie would run
home to his mother. But when the "Calico
- Cloak" reached the scholars, the littleboys
(for he was naturally a noble-hearted child)
became very kind to "Little Patchey."
When Mrs. Maynard heard the story of
"Little Patchey," she felt that she was well
repaid for' all she herself bad suffered in her
childhood.
Important to Young Men.
A well known young man recently succeed
ed in getting a certificate of exemption from
the draft, from the board of enrollment on
the groundofThysieal disability, and hasten
ed. to his lady luve to announce his escape.
Strangely to him, the good news affected her
in an unexpected manner, and she withdrew
from his presence with but the shadow of an
excuse. The young man was confounded,.
and thinking of rivals, sought an explanation
'from the lady's father, who always treated
him graciously, and was favorable to the pr 0...,
posed alliance. The father in turn was mys
tified, and 'immediately al.eking his daughter,
found her in great grief. - "Oh, father," said
the girl, 4'i. have been shamefully deceived !
Oh, how mortifying, to be known to be en
gaged to a man who comes shamelessly to
me, just before our marriage. and rejoices in
"physical disabilities." Why did'you not tell
me that the man Was imperfect or sickly, be
fora-matters-went so far ? Imlswe no ambi
tionto turn my future home into a domestic
hospital, or myself into a perpetual nurse !"
The father tried to pursuado her by say
ing that probably a trilling-ailment,--magni
fied by the complaint, might have obtained
his .exemption from service, and reminded
her that her lover was a fine rider, a grace-.
ful skater, and very expert in most manly ex
ercises. "And under all this," added the
fair girl, he hides some dreadful infirmity!—
Surely you do not think I would be engaged
to him if I knew him to be consumptive,_
scrofulous', - or - worser - .1 - tlfalik — G7fd - that the
draft has lifted' the mask! And the man ac
tually delights in being advised as physical
ly disqualified to his country. Oh ! shame !
He Shall know," said she, rising with proud
indignation, that he, is phycically disqualifi
ed to husbadd me!" And the father, physiol
ogically considering how the seeds of disease
are entailed from one generation to another,
approved his daughter's decision, and inform
ed the young man that he was exempt from
the proposed marriage on the grounds of
"physical disability."
Soldiers After the WS!
Macaulay, in the portion 'uf his llistoryrc
lating,to the state of English society at the
close of the .great revolution, touches on a
subject curiously paralleled in our own times.
Speaking of the fears that were then enter
tained as to the result of disbanding Crom
well's army and throwingits unruly elements
etek_into-society,-he says - :
"The troops were now to be disbanded.—
Fifty thousand men; accustomed to the. pro
fession of arms, were at once thrown on the
world, and experience seemed to warrant the
belief that this change would produce much
misery and crime—that the discharged vet
erans would be seen begging in everystreet,
or would be driven by hunger to pillage
But no such a result followed. In a fow
months there remained not a trace indicating
that the most formidable army in the world
had just been absorbed into the mass of the
community. The royalists themselves con
fessed that, in every department df honest
industry, the discarded warriors prospered
beyond other men; that none was charged
With any theft or robbery ; that none was
heard to ask au alms ; and that, if a baker,.a
mason, or a wagoner •attracted notice by his
diligence and sobriety, he was, in all prolia
billy, one of Olieer's 'old soldiers."
BACIIELORS.-A 'day or two before the ad
journment of the Maryland Legis'ature,
c prop)sition was introduced to tax bachelors
above twenty-five years of age not less than
620 a head per annum, because the war is
destructive of the male population, While the
number of females is greatly in excess to that
of the opposite sex, and it is the duty of
every lover of his country 'to promote by
every means the elements that constitute her
strength ; said tax to be applied to the sup
port and education of the children of Mary
land soldiers slain in battle. The proposi
tion was amended by doubling the tax • upoo
bachelors over forty-five years of age.
FACTS FOR FAitmEns —lf you invest mon
ey in tools and then leave thew exposed to
the weather it is the same as loaning. money
to as. I. ut,seettrity--• —a-dead-loss
in both eases.
If you invest money in fine stock, and do
not feed thew, and properly care for them,
it is the same as dressing your wife in silk to
do kitchen work.
It you invest your money in a good farm
and do not cultivate it well, it is thesame as
marrying a good wife, and so enslaving--h
as to crush her energies and break ber heart.
wounded. A Major (lettetal rode to the door.
Ifis orderly took his horse. He g•Ot, off, went
in, and sat down .by the dying luau's side :
Taking out a little book he' read from it :
Let nut your heart be troubled," &e. Ile
then knelt down and
_offered up a prayer to
God for that dying soldier. ,Arising from
his knees,
.lie bent down and .kissed, hiui,
and said :—"Captain G , , we shallqueet
in heaven. He then rode off. That Gen
eral was major General Inward,
-
[Fol•the -Record.
SNOW- SEASON.
BY D.-B.)IE, QUINCY SELECT SCHOOL.
Nature rejoices in her forms,
As 'Winter's cold• were almost o'er ;
But now arise the western storms,
With flakes that tell of Winter's store:'
The pure white stow lies on the ground,
The air is cold, the sky is ,clear;
The wind goes b
And shrilly whispers Winter's here.
The merry 'chime of bells wo hear,
The road is almost filled with sleighs,
And all enjoy the pleasant cheer,
That waits upon tie Winter days.
The little birds ere far *ay,
They sing their songs in wormer c li mes;
° But they'll come back some`ivoet spring day,
And trill the lays of olden ttrAFs.
The trees are rifled of their leaves, , ,.
The fields are bare, the flowers are
And all the forms that beauty weaves
To deck the glebe and grove, are fled.
But flowers, nor leaf, nor tiniest blade,
Is lost forever from the land ;
For soon shall they in field and glade,
In resurrected glory stand.
Treason!Treason-I- Treasont —
The speech of.Mr._Long, of-Ohie,in Con
gress freelyendorsing the out-spoken trea
son of Fernando Wood,. of New
. York, and
still more emphatically endorsed by Mr. Har
ris, of Maryland, arc but the slight winds that
feretel au approachirupest—Nreither-iktr:
liciq,:uriVlATlT)- -- --Mr. Fernando Wood, of New
York or Mr. Harris, of Maryland would have
dared at this stage of the war to have reveal
ed their treason so openly, if they were not
backed up by the alders and sympathizers of
traitors among their constituents. We are
on the eve of a tremendous revolution—the
very silence of Copperheads in our midst—
their smirking smiling at every piece of news
that speak of reverses to our arms, or reflec
tions on the Government ; tell the story of I
the deep-laid plans and villainous coucoc
tions,of treason.
simple - rebuke given by the House to
itlr.•_llarris, for his out spoken treason, is an
evidence of a want of• courage on our.part to
punish traitors. If you lecture a house-break
er or a murderer instead of punishing him,
you only give him a pass port to go forth ands
repeat his depredations. The tact is, the
action of our Government, the movements of
of our armies, the time lost in debates, and
useless arguments, have given the .enemy
time to reorganize, time to strengthen their
armies, time to work up Northern sympathiz
ers, and if we do not rise in our might, in
the glary and the strength which trud loyal
ty can wield—the cause. of the Job* will
brighten, and the joy of Copperheads in
crease.
The sole object of the sympathize...B, alders
and abettors of treason - is to acknowledge the
Southern Confederacy; how they. are work
ing to effect it, the recent acts of Copper
heads in Congress lain! , sho ir
Marry Her First.
Many years ago, in what is now a flourish
ing city in this State, lived a stalwart black
smith, fond of his p:pc and ,his joke. lie
was also fond of his blooming daughter, whose
many graces and charms had ensnared the
affections of a susceptible young printer.—
The couple, after a season of billing and coo
ing, "engaged" themselves, and nothing but
the consent of the young lady's "parents"
prevented their union. To obtain 'this, an
interview was arranged, and Typo prepared
a little - speech- to astonish and convince 'the
old gentleman, who sat enjoying his favorite
pipe iu perfect content.
Typo dilated upon the fact of. their long
frendship, their mutual attachment, their
hopes for the future, and like topics; and
taking the daughter by the baud said
now, sir, ask your permission to. transplant
this lovely flower from its parent bed'' - =but
his "pheling" overcame him, he forgot the
remainder-of his oratorical flourish, blushed,
stammered, and finally wound up with :
"from its, parent bed into my own." The fath
er keenly relished the discomfiture of the
suitor, and atter removing hii pipe and blow
ing a cloud, replied : "Well, young man, I
don't know as I've any objection, provided
you via marry the girl first !"
One of the Brooklyn papers tells a laugh-
able story about a puzzled bridegroom. • The
bride • stule away early in the evening, and
sent her twin sister, clad in the wedding fi
nery, to take her, place beside her loving hus•
band: The cheat remained undiscovered un•
til the false bride could personate the true
one no longer, when — sh - Cbo •• y to • - t to as=
tonished Benedict that sire was not his wife,
cl-reksed-to-retire-with-hits - ;----h - vaitt-1 •
protested, and in vain :the assembled comps
ny bore witness to the marriage ceremony, , ,
and urged 'to overcome her girlish scruples.
She stoutly mautaiued,.;:before astonished'
guests and astounded' groom, that she 'had
never wedded any Mau. At lust her moth.
er was brought forward to talk to the relive
torryoungladyr.but-trfter-putting-oir-heri
spectacles; and going. through with a delib
erate inspection, she announced the iniport
tiiia—mt—" Why,
.31 r. Brawn, you did not
umrry that girl; you married Fanny, and this I
is . June, dressed up in Faiiiiy's elatheS.'
• JUSTICE.—Wo ought always . to deal just
uot only to those who are just to but t
- likow6oi with those who endeavor to injure ,
us; and'this'too, for fear; leS6' by rendering
-thew-evil, we should fall' lute - this satne=Viers.-
Mo ought likewise -to have Iriendship,.
that is to :Ay, humanity and good will, for all
who are or thet..awe uaturo with us.
with_whistling=soun - J,-
' Out Shoddy AllotOotao.'y
• Tone.hinietir i sbidt6ty it nuiy; •retiaik
ed that 'tho , .Finit FainilieirofFi;atlehAPiiie
: not always Ats,deeoronfi pr'as different.to tlantit`
as their gallantly, sactifices,,and manly worth'
shoUld prompt. A case in
,point. is Fenn-,
tad by a correspondent ter, the accuracy of
which he vouches, and it is as follows':
A short - time ago in our loyal city of Phil.
adelph la,' a 'largely' dressed,' female. answer.
ingthe_deseription of an F. F. V.,_ Failed a
Vine street car. Just as it stoppe d to take
her aboard, a Union soldiers stepped out of
the same car: On entering severalseats were
vac4nt, and the would.be lady inquired in a
very sharp tone—
'Where did.that soldier sit ?'
`No answer. •
Again but in'a , more shrill tone than at
first, the same.question was put—
Wheie did that matt sit ?'
Still no reply from any one of tile p_asAen
7ers the - u_going-ahead i -thellailY Mill nn
'seated, when the same question was fairly
spit out between her teeth—
Where did that man sit ?'
An honest Hibernian, quietly seated near
the unhappy female, and 110 doubt being de
sirous of relieving her in some slight degree,
\eplied—
'Faith ma'am h e sit - orrhiseniland he took
it era?, with him'
"h the rest of the occupants,ofthe - air
diol.l-. 0 4t0t - knotrTliiii one gentleman left
as sPeedil)l possible, and the above infer
maim" throu him was too biquant to -be- ]
d t
long kept a seiy.,q.
The 11.14— ce Coal 7
The people are Pahg- -sadly'for the cop-'
perhead—opp - dgi ►uTit — ito Le. authority of the I
Government in the month , Qf July and Au- -
gust,' by producing riots, b Y 4 :beir teachings
against the conscription. vo l . ]; van sua.
peuded for some time in the 00$ inns in
Schuylkill co., Pa ~ by , riotous Needings
among the miners, which caused a g Nat inii.
ing off in the supply, but work has
med—again,—aid—abau~-100;000—tons re
conveyed to market weekly, all of which .1
due to the order restored in the region by
, the presence of the military. The salutary
effect of having Ail armed_force-to - ke - epiC
hthe - supply - offuel, in the country are thus
shoWn. Every consumer of coal from the
' Government, (which take it by the thousands
I of tons) down to the poor man, (who is con
tent to get it by the bushel) is interested in
having order preserved in Schuylkill co.
But the disorder that existed in the 'coal
region before the military were sent there
•
has cost the country a good deal. The Ni
ner's Journal says:
"The consumers of coal abroad will be tax•
ed at least three millions of dollars this year,
by the lawless violence that has prevailed in
the different coal regions, and particularly
in Schuylkill, without the trade or mass of
the employees deriving; such benefit from it.
All this violence is directli . traceable to the
political copperhead leaders and scoundrels,
who have kept the masses in a constant stated
• of excitement by the faMous falsehoods, they
have promulgated against the Government,
and palliating and sanctioning the scenes of
violence which havedila- • • •,' - •
our country and nearly destroyed the value
of property in these districts."
Sunset at Sea.
[From the Sketch Book of Dr. Darling.]
Near whore the equatorial line circles the
earth, on the broad waters of the grand Pa
cific, I now am seated on the quarter deck of
our barque, the Lanerke, bound Wow New
Animl's peaceful shores to California's dis
tant clinics. t
'Tis near sunset; not even a breath of air
fills our sails to watt us on our destined course.
We seem to rest upon the middle point of a
grand ampitheatre of polished glass bounded
only by the' arching heavens. I've gazed
upon the towering bights or •Andes, and oft
have paused with wonder on the' thundering
cataract of dread Niagara, awfully sublime;
but never, in the course of fifty years of 'va
ried life, have I beheld a scene more beauti
ful, lovely and majestic, 'than that prese 11 tad
at this hour of sunset.
The skies are clear, save where the waters
meet the circling heavens. 'Here is a belt of
varied hue. The sun, now low descending
from the etherial vault, transforming these
slowly rising clouds of silvery pearl and living
gold. Ilere now appears the Eastern mosque,
with glittering dome. surmounted 'by the
prophets's eresent, temples, Citadels . and
spires, and a long range of-splendid architec
ture, is seen in the prospective.
A New York correspondent of the Spring
field Union relates the following incident:
"The fallowing story I have directly from
a gentleman to whom,: Conirnodore Vander
bilt himself, last night, told it. The finance
committee of the fair called upon the (him
dore, and solicited at leis bands as „„„
tir n he died.
4 0 answered that:he would give to MO, .
as plu,ch . as 'any other 'pan' in Now, York.,--
-Thereirpon-rthe-ceintnittee-visited-lir; A.
Stewart, and reported to hitn the offerof the
Commodore. Stewart at 'once drew his Check
for 8100,000, and huaded it ta,the commit
tee,'Utid they, armed with the Cheek,,, again
waited upon the Commodore, - and AWthved
hint the, contribution ofStewart:: Vander
bilt had been' cornering other people far quite
a white iu Harlem sleek, but this—time—h:
found himself cornered. However,_ tiat,w
as good as his - ifuW.7 — He covered Stinvaitt's
cheek, with a .cheek of his own, Tor alike a•
motto t.'! ,
A "farmer'o wife meeting fine of her aeiah•
hors returning froni,market, inquired z
"What do they pay for eggs in market
new ?"
only got eigl,4 cents a , dozeu lor,rniruf,"
was the reply. .
' cad ti a dozen'!' " said the
'dame, • “Well,•.l . shall'net sell
,"toy'
eight coots ; it digit ratyloithe isea
of the hens•'.''
SEMI
1 , ,To fatten bogs—Own a grist
'To mako a good garderi2—Get q *4l
•
Why is a 'Jackass like an Illinois corn
field Because hes some on ears. •
Wily is an andiron like a yard-stick?, te
equee It has three feet.
What tune .did the' wind first Whistle ?
Ans.—" O'er the hills,aud far away."
Why is a crusty old maid of fifty like a
most beautiful, must accomplished, moat el
egant, and most admired young lady ?-7Ans.
Because she is niatchlcss.
.•.
To keep skippers out of bacon in the sum
mer. I Eat early in the spring. We never
knew it to fail.
A young gentleman of our acquaintance
ref•euted. quite a sensation ti feW 'evenings
since while reading Co a circle of young la.
dies a polite effusion a-beautiße - 1-
le " by pronounciu. , the latter word in twq
syllables. :
Beacon says his step-mother was so_foud-----
of walloping,the_lamilyi-that ehil- > '
- dred - hid been wash tubs, there would not,
have been a.w.hole bottom in the house, '
Mrs. Stanton, says that "what men can do,
women can She s hould have added—
with 'a single exception of Waddling a fence
gracefully.
A man, boasting of the smartness of his
children, said.the youngest - was Smart it
o s
would take its hand oif a hop stove ,without
being told.
There
,is a mule near Billinglass. Ireland,
that is 59 soars old. The reason of his liv
ing so long, is the fact that he is too "stub
born-to-di ."
A little boy bearing his father say, ‘qh_ere
, a time for all_things f t'-elinfliWip behind
utt whispering in her ear,
lev hen was the thne . for hooking hil
-1 gur oL of the sugarbowl?"
sprint,,, setting up a line which is so of
ten Place' "ler a wedding notice, 'lda not
right that a ILI should live alone," care
lessly left the v 4 1 of the word live, which
wade the bride b ch.
To preserve your hsith;
drink water and
get married early. Put.. l „ off matrimony
has broken down more cod?;tutions than ev
er cobsumption did.
,You have broken • the sabbat, , ..
said a good man to, his son.
'Yes; said his little sister, 'and m.
long comb, too right in three pieces is '
The ingenious fellow who invented the ma
°hien for milking cows has compounded a
plaster for drawing knot holes out of bars
dores and shoe I sheds.
A gentleman who had been victimized by
a notorious borroWer, who always forgot to
pay, called him one of the most promising
MCI of his acquaintance.
If it was not good for Adam to live single
when there waa only one woman on earth,
how very criminally guilty aro old bachelors,.
with the world full of pretty girls.
Txxxicuur..—" li ow good is Providenee,"
lisped a damsel as a gusty March breeze
swept over the street, "for the same wind
which raises the tips of our skirts, blows dust
in the eyes of the spectators °tulle corner."
"Anthony," said a father to his son one
day ; when he caught him shaving the down
off his upper lip, "don't throw your shaving
water out where there are any barefooted
boys, for they might get their feet pricked."
There is a man out West so forgetful of
facas, that his wife
. is compelled to keep a
wafer stuck on the end of her nose, that Ile
can distinguish her from other ladies.; but
this does not prevent him from making occa
sional mibtakes.
If you wish to offer your hand to a• lady,
chose your opportunity. The best time to
du it is when she is getting out of tin mini
buS. •
A GOOD OCCVPATION.—"Pete," a comic
al son of the Emerald Isle, who carried wood
and water, built fires, &e., for the "boys" at
Hamilton College, is as good, a specimen of
the genus Hibernian as ever toddledltt,a.brp%
gun. Ou'e of the students hail,* ciocasion,
to reprove-mini one amnia*. for deliniiien:'
el, asked lam where he expected—to - go .to •
when he diet
"Expect to go to the hot place , " &aid, Pe-
"And What do you .expeet trill your
portion there ?" asked thesoph., solecualy. ,
"0," 'growled the oldlellotf o tts.lte brush
ed his ear lazily with 'his coat' tail,, "bring,,
wood an wuter'fiethe,boys.".
Parton, in his life ofGeilainilßtiticir;-gi
several-instances-in_ which Major Bell, judge
-of-the-Provost - gouty and a. 9intiker
administered justice in, New „Orleans.
Om one addaion ai iiegr,o wag 'eilled to the
ei tk oci: . ' . ,
objecti"vsnici:the',counsel, lot tthe• ptis-z
-oner;l4y thclums,..o li.nteigu:' can.
testifs,u s i l linst;a white
tint of the Union ?".
asked::Majorißell; with: that' itatiCrtuiuble
Aus• ils h 1“.-
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