Village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1863-1871, October 03, 1862, Image 1
SElllllllllll=l VOLUME XVI. PCo.l3l•l l lCiAki;ao. VIM OWE OP MENTON. In the saffron tinted morning, With Potomac's anthem swell, Where our honored Chief is sleeping, Mingles deep the passing bell. Slowly glides the gallant vessel By Mount Vernon's hallowed shades, And that mournful, mellow cadence, Echoed through the dewy glades; 'Tie Columbia's tender tribute Offered to her noble son ; • "Pis the free heart's fervent homage, ' At the grave of 'WASHINGTON ! In the slumberous hug,' of noontide, With Potbmac's anthem swell, Where our honored Chief is steeping, Mingles deep the passing bell. - Never marble mausoleum Might such majesty impart, Nor the loud acclaim of millions, As this homage of the heart; 'Tis Columbia's tender tribute, Offered to her noblest son; 'Tia the free heart's fervent homage, At the grave of WASHINGTON ! In the rosy hush of evening, With Potomac's anthem swell, Where our honored Chief is sleeping, Mingles deep the passing bell. Never' King in regal splendor Won a fame so true and pure. _ For his name shall be a watchword While his countty shall endure ; 'Tis Columbia's tender tribute, Offered to her noblest son; 'Tie the free heart's fervent homage, . 'At the grave of When In the blue and starry midnight, With Potomac's anthem swell, Where cur honored Chief is sleeping, Mingles deep the passing bell. Dear the spot to patriot pilgrims— What a thrill his name creates! • 'Tis the signal of the Union ! "Fie the Mecca of the States ! Meet such true and tender tribute To Columbia's noblest son ; At the grave 31 - WASIIINGTON ! REND TEEM DOKE TENDERLY. Send them home tenderly, Guard them with care; Eager eyes tearfully Watch for them there ; Home hearts are mournfully Throbbing to know— Gilled and manly sons Stricken so low ! Send them home tenderly To the fair sod, First by the martyr-sauled Puritans trod. ' • Blue hills and ocean wave -Echo the prayer : Send th - em home tenderly, Love waits them there. send them home tenderly— Poor breathless clay— Yet what high hopefulness Bore them away. Hand to hand clingingly, Linked in brave trust— Tenderly, tenderly; Boar home their dust. Send them home tenderly— Think of the sire, Struggling with mighty sobs By the low fire ; Think how a mother's heart Hourly bath bled— Tenderly, tenderly, Bear home their dead. •Written on the occasion of the assault made up on the Massachusetts volunteers while passing through Baltimore in April, 1861, when several of the volunteers were killed. - 3Mti3CJ3EIII4XLitit.N . W. ('REMEMBERED AND MouaNED.—For eve ry man who falls in battle, some one mourns. For every man who dies in hospital wards, and of whom no note is made, some one mourns. For the humblest soldier shot on picket, and of whose humble exit from the stage of life li tle is thought, some one mourns. Nor t is alone. For every soldier disabled; for qv ry one who loses an arm or a leg, or who is wounded, or languishes in protracted suffering; for every one who has "only camp fever," sonic heart bleeds, some tears are shed. In farof i humble households, perhaps, sleepless nights and anxious days are passed off whit* the world never knows; and every wounded and crippled soldier who returns to his family and friends, brings a lasting pang with him. Oh! how the moth ers feet this war! We, who are young, think little of it; neither, writhink, do fathers or 'brothers 'know much of it; but it is the poor mothers and wives of the soldiers. God help them! 'qt. You PLEASE."—When the Duke of Wellington was sick, the last thing le took was a little tea. On his-servant handing it to,him in a saucer, and asking him if he , would have it, the Duke replied, "Yes, if :you .please." These were his last words. HOw much kindness and courtesy is express ed by them! He who had commanded the Weeteat armies in 'Europe, and was long ac customed to the tone of authority, did not despise or overlook the small courtesies of life. In all your -home talk, remember, "If ,yeu.please." Among your playmates, don't .forgqt, "If you please!' To all who wait upon of serve you, believe that you ,pkgese" will make you better served than all the.eross or ordering 4rordsin.the whole dic tleßruy!, Dou't 'knot throe little words, ".14 . Pglfilam"'. 'piiiir:4,'The,Enworllistotr . Abet .and?bkieigy deeds of the SentliarrieJanii"anti Govern .Oent'ctlllielilether—e: Buell deeds area ',lvrkee4A - 411e , nlest lieeifilinetereature -that' SB :;,Theirafits are wor teet.''day! of his Sa t,iiiitearilkiiinty,orßruestone notoriety. • .. . ••,,,, . '•• •• ' ; ',',..i • -r,'''' . .XF.l.. i' •Y aFi,S§ •- ,ZgAt.VA.I4K . '' ' k'" • . . . „._ , • • ' • ... 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''• r ', l 1 • ill • ' .i . t. • ,i,:...: : . • e . . ). A., • . - . .., .. ' ••'. :' . ) ....?! ' + .+ '", • . ' ..; ; 1..•- . , r,, - , , , , ,','",' .. C.• •• ; • 1, ;;:tii 7 •'.l .....‘,? . ••..,- . . - . . . , . . • ... . . . , , .....-• , . • ` - . . . . SPEECH OF Opo., P. TEULPT. The last steamer .from &rope, brings us the cause of the recent arrest of Mr. George F. Train in London. It was a characteristic speech, delivered secretly before the "Broth erhood of St. Patrick,' and in which' he commented irr strong terms upon England's oppression of the Irish people. ik,began after this fashion: In the name of the Irish army 14' the West, I ask you to cheer for the Union of America and the disunion of Ireland from Great Britain. (Lound- - cheers.) Those cheers foreshadow already the downfall of England. (Hear.) Englishmen are so bu sy plotting the ruin of America, there can be no objection to my changing the topic, and speaking to an Irish audience on the downfall of England—(Cheers,) England is supposed to be a Gihralter-a rock of strength, so grand, so powerful, so rich, that anything I might say would fail t 2 penetrate her iron armor of egotism and copper sheathing of assumption. (Laughter.)l speak for the people. The aristocracy have, all the law yers to speak for them. (Hear and Laugh ter.)— . :ilsne day men will be considered men and the simple annals of the poor will 'be heard in Heaven. (Cheers.) When I allude to the downfall of England I mean the uprising of the people—(hear,) when men shall have totes, and not- be called the Mob. The Ameriean,4ebellion is the world's rebellion, and the life of _ Aineri ea is the death of England. , British States menei have acted on that hy °thesis. Arrieri ca will live, England wi..l 'e-4ttchAti the law of nations. Prosp '''' sit.thentenifty". The antithesis follows everything'in 'itlittnre, right, left, up, down_: abuse a man then praise him—strong, weik --- yeung, old.— When a man is very ill he must get better or die. The runner at the top of his speed must slacken or fall. So the nation that has mounted to the last round of the ladder must drop or descend step by step. (Cheers) America is going up, England coming down. I• moment the governing classes laid their plans for•sapping away the liberties of the people. Taxation without Representation is Robbery! There are six millions of able-bodied men in England whose position is lower than the American slave's. Five negroes are allowed three votes by the Constitution, which makes a negro three-fifths of &man ; but in. England he is not counted so high as the cattle of the field or the trees in the forest. Even the million of voters on the lists have no actual representation. They arelought and sold as regularly as corn or hemp or iron. * * * * * Before the election of' another American President, Canada will be a nation. (Cheer.) As a dependency she is a pauper ; as a na tion she is a millionare. (Hear.) Ten min utes after her Declaration of Independence, America will acknowledge Canada as a sister State. (Hear.) Aie there no statesmen in Canada equal to the opportunity? Irish men, I call upon you for three hearty cheers for the Republic of Canada! the first Presi dent, the Irish rebel, Thomas D'Arcy Mc- Gee. (The call was loudly responded to with additional cheers.) England's downfall commences when A merica closes up the ranks, and peace ce ments the Union and plrpetuates Republics and universal suffrage—when 'rank is but the guinea stamp, and a man is a man for all that. These cries must shortly come into fashion : Canada for the Canadians, Austra lia for the Australatians, and Ireland for I rishmen. (Loud cheers.) Australia will soon be a nation. Hurrah, for the Republic of the Antipodesi Gavan Duffy, the Irish rebel of forty-eight, the first President of the new Republic.. (Cheers.) With Murphy, O'Shaughnessy, - Ireland, Mick4e, and Molcsworth, all Irishmen, in his cabinet. (Cheers.) The downfall of Eng land commences in earnest with the uprising of Ireland. (Hear.) Look at America—our army is yours.— Union is as essential to you as to us. Ire land forever 1 Three cheers for the ;and of the brave ! The spirit, of Ireland is again a live. You cannot crush it. Nine times England's confiscation edicts thundered up on her people. Seven - centuries of contin ued injustice, outrag,e, murder! yet Ireland lives again in the handred and fifty thou sand Irish soldiers in- the American army (Loud cheers.) The Sixty-ninth still cheers for Corcoran. The Chicago Montgomery Guard still cheer for Illinois and the West. as they fought at Lexington. Shields was backed by Irish at Winchester, and the Irish 'Brig'Brigs at Fair Oaks 'stopped the rebels in the a vance. The Massachusetts Ninth and the s Sixty-ninth were Irish reg iments. (Loud cheers.) All hail, then, I rishmen, as you live your lives over again in the army of the Constitution. (Loud cheers.) Our army is your army. We do not inquire when the Irishman volunteers, whether he be Protestant or Catholic. (Cheers.) Mark well the eloquent words of Archbis hop Hughes at Dublin. (Loud cheers.)— He said he had seen but three great things in the'world—the• Falls of Niagara, St: Pe ters at Rome, and that 4.kirious demonstra tion of Irishmen,at Dublin .on the laying of: the foundation of the Catholic University--.-- [Load cheers.] Re says the Irish ;soldiers are only dtilling in America, and that they do not intend tp lay down their. plausel—randlllo not hesitate to say. thatif England interferes in our domestic uttOiri* tba4ortens rebel .of '4B, Thomas ..Erancis er, will be back agail„ in Dublin, with a Ili y guard of ten-thonkqed veteran Irish soldiers :from the battle-fields of Richmond. taw the whole Bathetic° rose to their few and the ball raande4 with cheers for ; heilds, Meagher, sad the Irish nationality.] WAYNESBORiE, FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, FRIDAY MORNING, .00TOBER 8,:186:1 THE DOWNFALL OF ENGLAND. Ab• li"etlil"li i )ooier 20;43 Utt b al 11 ";attiegs • The folloviing remarkable ' defense of a ,prisoner tried for 'a' highway iobbery will, we doubt not, interest our readers, but we . have no mode of ascertaining when it occur red. That it is not of recent date is certain, because it appears in "a work presented tO the late Sir John Conroy .when Officially con nected with his majesty; King of the • Bel gians, in 1833. A gentleman, followed by a servant in livery, rode into an inn in the west of ..En..- land one evening, a little before dark: He told the landlord he should be detained by business in that part of the country for a few days, and wished to know if there were any amusements going on in the town. to , -fill up the interval of time: The landlord repli ed that it was their lace and assizes week, and that he would, therefore, be at no loss to pass away his leisure hours. On the gen tleman's remarking that this was fortunate, for that he was tond of hearing trials. the other said that a ver y . . interesting tri al for robbery would come on the next day, on which people's opinion was much -divided, the evidence being very strong against the .prisoner ; but the man himself persis‘i • res olutely in declaring that he' was in.& distant part,oUbe kingclinn at,the.titne the robbery was `committed. It i:.- .. .. The Mien tiaiiifeAed 'considerable anxiety to hear the. trial-, bUt as the 'court 'would pro bably be orowdeci; Axpressed some doubt of getting a place: :The landlord told him there should be no difficulty in a gentleman of his pearance getting a seat; but that, e i to pre would with him, and speak to one of the beadleip, s . Accordingly, they went into court next editing, and through the landlord's interest with the officers of the court, the gentleman was shows to a seat on the bench. Presently after, the trial began. While the evidence was proceeding against him, the prisoner had remained with his eyes fixed on the ground, seemingly very much depressed; till on being called on for his de fense, he looked up, and seeing the stranger, he sudden!. fainted. This excited some surprise, an' it seeme., at first, e a trio to gain time,. As soon as he came to him self, being asked by the judge . the' cause of his behavior, he said: 'Oh, my lord, I see a person who can save my life: that gentleman,' pointing to the stranger, 'can prove lam innocent, might I only have leave to put a few questions to him.' The eyes of the whole court were now turned upon the gentlemen, who said he felt in a veryawkward situation to be called upon, as he did not remunber ever to have seen the man before, but that he would answer any questions that was asked him. Well ; then, 'said the man, 'don't you remetn -bet—landing-at-Dover-at-such—a-time.' To this he answered that he had landed at Nves not long before; but that he could not tell whether it was on the day he mentioned or not. 'Well, said he, but don't you recolleet that a person in a blue jacket and trowsers-carried your trunk to the inn? To this he answered that of course some person had carried his trunk. for him; but he did not know what dress he-wore. 'But,' said the prisoner, 'don't you remem ber that the person who went vigil you from the boat told you a story of his , being in the service, that he thought himself so ill-used man, and that he showed you a scar he had on one side of the forehead? During this last question the Countenance of, the stranger underwent considerable change He said he did recollect such a circumstance, and on the man's putting his hair aside and showing the scar, he be came quite sure that he saw the same person. A buzz of satisfaction now run through the court; for the day on which, according to the prisoner's account, • the gentlemen had met with him at Dover' was the same on which ho was charged for robbery in a dis tant part of the country. The stranger; how ever, could not be certain of the time but said he• sometimes made a meniomndum of dates in his pocket book and might possibly have done so on this occasion. On turning to his pocket book he found a memorandum of the time he landed, which corresponded with the prisoner's assertion. This being the only circumstance necessary to prove the alibi, the prisoner was immediately ac quitted, amidst the applause and congratula tions of the whole court. Within less than a month after this, the gentlemin who came to the inn attended by a servant in livery, the servant who followed him, and the pris oner who had been acquitted, were all three brought back together to the same jail for , robbing the mail! It turned out that this clever defence at the trial was a scheme skill fully arranged by the thief's confederates to obtain the release of their accomplice I * * A HINT To PAAENTs.—Many persons when told never to punish a child in anger, reply, "Then we should never punish them at all, if we did not while we are angry." Very well, be it so,.a blow struck in anger has made more inmates of our prisOnit than almost anytiing else. How many . boyish wanderers from the parental roof can trace their ultimate ruin from it!: Bow many wo men, who have lost all setnblance of woman hood, can date their first downward steps from this cruel, maddening, discouragedlnn ment! Oh, never. strike your child in angerl The bitter resentment'. and: heart-burrungs which it 4tsusett is the Bead ,:of that. Jleadly . uight-shade--Despair. A A• . :little ' patiattoe (and bow much: yowl. flekarenly Father Ass bad With you! —a litdi:love (and bow free, ly :bavo you received it fon :inno-sad your child's .warwardaeati willdise,ppear, aud, you :old age' be bleased,'inateatLot4 l ik rernoraro . iTt I,f , * are .eys te r so ""mptait:llinh `lffil Rio n prii are intiliOnitit' you 'Will 40 •„, • A Shiodar behnee. The Real Murderer. On, the field of Bull' Run last month a brave,Oolonel in the Union .Army kid down his life, amid hundreds of his comrades. As the vital current ebbed from him, he wrote a few thrilling voids to one near.and dear to him, accusing a certain G eneral of being the means of his death: , Could he have had a more comprehensive view of _the ,causes of his "taking off," he would have seen that his real murderer was slavery. Against him slaiery, with stolen cannon, pitted its cohorts, and celebrated its ,triumph when he and hundreds like . him lay weltering in their gore. Nay, further, the white slaves of sla very would gladly boil: the flesh from his bones and fashion them into delicate orna ments for fair hands, necks and bosom's.-- They deliberately accomplished such exploits in hundred of instances while their army lay at Manassas after the first battle of Bull Run. All over, the South they have scatter ed these "ornaments," only a few days since a rebel cavalier offered a Maryland lady a finger ring which he gaily announced as made of ankee's bone. - Without a rise in the barbaric spirit of slavery we should have no war. Without the efforts of Calhoun, Rhett, Yancey, Breek inridge, Davis, Benjamin, Floyd, Cobb and their joint conspirators, no cannon would have flung its shot towards Fort Sumter.-- Without their persistent malignity tens of thousands patriot soldiers, whose bones now bleach all over Southern territory, would still be pursuing the paths of enterprise and the United States would be gaining in pros perity every hour. It is slavery which has scattered families and ruined households; it is slavery which has brought the nation-rnto a reign &blood and violence, and if we con quer slavery, it must beby bringing light into recesses now dark ; it must be by sen ding forth from sea to sea, and from Canada to the Gulf the warmth , the light and the power of freedom. In this vast struggle up to this period the loyal North has poured out blood like rivers and money in millions. Our hospitals are filled with the victims of this crime against - -- ' 7, 11r-r' Wm. e- - _ civi ization; on innumerm sands of gallant spirits have died and now fill nameless trenches. We have never blenched at this waste of manhood, this scat tering of treasure. But a time is now close upon as when, if this war is to be fought and finished, with both our hands, we must annihilate slavery, so far as it bedges about the rebels mighty bulwark and leave theta "scattered and peeled" amid the Wreck of their infamous designls to establish darkness on the throne of light, and barbarism in the very centre and home of civilization. - Tnr ENDLFSB WAR.--There are no wea ry hearts on the other side of Jordan. The rest of heaven will be the sweet er for the toils of earth. The value of eternal rest will be enhanced by the troubles of time. Jesus now allows us to rest in His bosom. He will soon bring us Co rest in His Father's house. His rest will be glorious. A rest from sin; a rest from suffering; a rest from conflict; a rest from toil; a rest from sorrow. The very rest that Jesus enjoys Himself. we shall not only rest with Him, we shall rest like Him. How many of the earth's weary ones are resting in His glorious presence now?"[ It will be undisturbed rest. Hell) the rest of body is disturbed by dreams, and sometimes by alarms; but there are no troublesome dreams or alarming occurrences there Thanks be unto God for the rest we• now enjoy! Ten thousand thanks to Gad for the rest we shall enjoy with Christ! Wea ried one, look away from the cause of thy present suffering and remember there is a rest remaining, for thee. A little while and thou shalt enter into rest. WATCRTNG ONE'S SELF.---"When I WB9 a boy," said an old man, "we had 'a school master who had an odd way of catching idle iniys. One day he called out to us— "l3oys, I must have closer attention to your books. The first one of you that sees another idle boy, I want you to inform me, and. I will attend to the case." "Ah, thought I to• myself, there is Joe Simmons that I don't like. I'll watch him, and if I see him look of his book, I'll tell.— ft was not long before I saw Joe look off.his book, and immediately I informed the mis ter. "Indeed," said he, "how did yoAnow he was idle F' "I saw him," said I. "You did; and were your eyes on your Look when you saw him ?" "I was caught, and never watched for idle boys againi" If we are sufficientlj , watchful over. our own conduct, we shall have no time to find fault with _the conduct of others. THE- ROMAN SENTINEL.--When Porn eii was destroyed, there were taan.lpereous buried in the ruins, who were afterwards found in different mittiatioes. There . were , some found in the street, a§ if they .had been attempting to make' their; agape. There were some 'firundin the lof,t,y, chambers; but wheal did they find the Roman sentinel? They found him standiniF, at the city gate, with; his hand still grasping . the ,war , weapon where be, had. been placed by his captain and there, while the hearena • threatened h* there while the lava, stream ; rolled, hs4,,ho ; stood st his, post;,and there, aftere thousettd. Years had 'wised away,,,lratst he, otul. Faun qt,o.lo,—Thbe raropof,fruf is "'forth , astern Peausilvaaia thisseasokwitudientle, and of . every,.,,varieti 7 ,„A, apuie ;; paces tb~ crop 4 R::/are 4 14 rtgt:4 46 ifi ,, *to twia‘thirda ofit , wjil‘ *4 1 1 1 014' •, • • - - .114,fOilositiiig . au090.,epitfpn, Ale 044' , rosyreuia'm ghtvoilardodilt,:ll,e*re . gateils.ll49'4rsorrted, fork:Rile to be aven , , jOtteiareliiiiil; P9l rasa ; OUP th4ir tq '0) 6 7, it; THE Ruin Etit.pos.—A part in aneigh boring State, after long obitiary: of a deceased brother. of the thtir-nod-t eludes : "Ate we not glad, also, that , such an editor , is in heaven-1 • There the.. cry ; of "mom copy" shalt never be beard. There he shall never beitbused by his `p6liticalhit togonist, with lies and detractions . that shOtild shame a deMon to' • pionitilgate. There ha shall lie more be used as a ladder for the as piring to kiek down as they' teach the . desir ed height and need Mm no mote. There he shall be able to see the immense masses of mind he has moved, all • unknowingly • and. unknown as he has been during his weary pilgrimage on eatth. There he - shall find articles credited,*and not a clap of his thun- • der stolen—and there shall be no horrid tYp ographiialerrors.to set hint in a fever. , We are glad the editor is in heaven. ABOUT LIFI.—If it is well for a MOO to live at all, he should endeavor to avoid all' those influences which detract fiom:the -beau ty and harmony of human existence. In other words, he should "make the most of life," and not allow himself to be distracted, annoyed, or Confounded by anything. ' He should, fully possess himself, being , at peace .with his own soul, and having great:good will for all mankind. Lig; then, will have a beautiful significance to him; its • current will be deep and flow gently on—in all the beauties of the world reflected. hEADING—This I deem twin sister to Or thography, find one of the first elements• of a good education. Indeed, it is ohe of the grand learting points of all self-made 'nen.— It is through this medium that we afkena bled to graeriedsdern and carry off the lanveli in triumph: the Ruestirods then come home to us, why cannot' the ~community largo' become more , than passable readers? Are. they not intelligent? And where shall we seek for an answer? Methinks; seine one whispers, "visit our con; ton "schools s , and then sum up the argumen t.'• If Washington had not been a man or'con.' te-ps eronal-wer-ilt r e• been so enshrined in our grateful lov. and veneration ? We serve our country and the world best when we most diligently cherish those pure, generous and holy affections, those immortal virtues which prepare us for a better country, that is, a heavenly. WIDOW OF Ex-PRESIDENT TYLER.-- Mrs. Julia Gardner Tyler, widow of the late Ex-President - John Tyler, has arrived at Fortress Monroe, Virginia, en rouse for the North. Mrs. Tyler is a Northern lady, daughter of the late Colonel Gardner, of Long Island, owner name. Miss Gardner iiage with Presideni belies of New York marriage with the United Statescreate( time. She now roil small children, to tl Thd back often wears the ,gold that is a great deal more needed in the purse, • Acorns and graces sprout quickly, but grow long before ripening. The ladies of Dowagiac, Michigan, have formed a Ladies' Moral Police, to stop liquor selling and midnight deviltry. Pride of birth is the most ridiculous of all vanities. It is like roasting the, root of a tree, instead of the fruit it bears. Those nervous folks, who are annoyed * everything that approaches thew, annoy every body they approach. When we fall upon a rock we know how hard it is.' When we are thrown upon our resources we learn how groat they are. We arc commanded to let our light shine before mefi; the man with the red nose keeps his light shining before timself.‘ He who calls himself a patriot and doesn't do the duty of one, deserves the double pun ishment of a traitor awl a hypocrite._ The miser isn't vain; he thinks a penny better worth saving than his Boni. The green turf is the poor man's carpet; and God weaves the colors. • The richest man on earth is th — da pauper fed and clothed by the bounty of heaven. _ Peace gains her victories' with spears of grain, and blades of grass. . ,1 Our hopes are bubbthe, born - with a breath and broken with a sigh.. • More Asenaehaa been whipped ont of school boys than into A 7 mairatiould stop drinking before stomach bepqmes tho theatre of a whiskey inanirecition; Probably the reason_ why thovray of the transgressor is bard, is that ie .so much travelksd.t. , , ,- lVe must tell' Bonn imen a great,deal :to teach 601 . a " • - • - Whew *e' thinlodf good, the angels' aro silent, when we do ir;they rejpioo. „ The calf , of 0 thief's. lig ie all Appropriate 0140( , :f 4ogiiteeth 0-baye boob 'tiliouralgi - twand - hrl the skims or their aotheic -- low% tadies rarely koss(wkli Qther ezoopt there are K 611041444.0 ti_e them do it. 1'.1%0_71344 iegiment is cionanislifled lairouiSisout• 5 140thedilitc 9701wher4,-.. 't ~',? I}Ji ,~MI ciottovi* -Tut..6RY„At4D Truaricz---"Fatlib '"f ' iihotilden't water be464de hot?" • • - ' • 7 1 ‘No,r,crilsou in the World,. Jack, if the apple- Vidn't*bloir ofrthe lid of theli:3ttle." Well, then, father, let's-try; &mai. plug up, the spout, and fostch down Our. lid • et the. •kettle." -- , Jack dulfprepared thekettle, borretted ad' • additional pair of bellows- from a- neighbor; placed 'Abe *kettle over, a good fire ) and, iu conjunction with fayther, set to wink ,to hie*, ‘,‘Now.fayther," "Now cried tIM opertitorp„,. encouraging each other, to, renewed exertion, till, at last, bang went the lid of thekettle, and dowii-weat'fayther - itild Jack; soniewhht scalded • and considerably' frightened; and as to making,water. red-hia4 Jack quite agreed with fayther, who ruefully exclaimed, es he went -down, "I say, Jack, it canna b,4 clone."-=-Scientifie American. A story is told of Dick, a. darkey, in 'ii tUcky, who was a notorious thief, so oious in this tespect that all the theft in tl neigh borhood was charged on him. On ono occa sion Mr. Jones, neighbor of Dick's master, called and said Dick must be sold out of that part of the country, for he had stolen all of his (Mr.,Jon es's) turkeys. Dick's master &could not think so. The two, however, west into the field where, Dick was at work' and accused him of the theft. ' "You stole Mr. Jones's turkeys," said:the. master. "No, I cilda't massa," responded Dick The/master, persisted. "Well," at length said Dick, "I'll tell you, Massa; I didn't steal demlurkcys; but last ,eight when, I went across Mr. Jones's pas s . ture I. saw one of our rails on do - fencerso I brought home de rail and eontound it / when I came to look, dare was nine turkeys on de rail." , Petitions to he presented to the Legista ttire an y State that is nearly out'of busi ness : a bill might be passed _to reatriltp' his wife' from the use of more than sir. bonnets in: one season. Frons a jealous husband—Prayi . ngt,tiipt might be made felony for a Ineholor to aSlea 7 r married lady to dance. - From ujitigety laudmivd—For an act • to- , declare the rearing 4 Wiparrots and lap dogs 4, 'capital crime.: , . • ;, From a distractet or an Ac t' to prohibit the squalling of-the babies. ' From an old maid—To miko.atiarria.ges compulsory , at a certain age- 7 - 7 to „extend, ',to , , S.—Woak knees. yeu mol.; - W.--Yes, sir , weak . koees—vor'y *oak knees, can't march.i , f. S.---Yes, I'll giro you a certifioate—(wrftes). —"Upon honor, I keioby certify' that th bearer—. is weak in the ; k4ea, a, grey coward, who shrinks from defending If country. Hope he will be put in ther, front ranks whore he can't run away. , W.--[Handing the surgeon a quarter.]-- Thank you, sir, I knew I was entitled to a certificate. This rebellion so wicked and monstrous must be put down. It has done my heart.good to see the energy of the Pte.?, %dent in ordering a draft. . (Here reads the certificate and faints.] "I say, stranger,' said a cottage urchin to a Yankee pedlar, "don't yet Whistle that ore dog away." , • - "Why, he ain't no, use no how, he's too ugly." "Oh, but he saves `heaps of work." "How?" "Why he always licks theilates and dish es so clean that they 'fiever want washing— and mammy says she wouldn't part with him no how, for our new dog ain't got mod to mustard yet." A Pennsylvania editor says somebody, brought a bottle of sour water into our office, witb a request to notice it as lemon beer.— If Esau was green onangh to sell his birth right for a mess of pottige, it does not‘prove that wa willetoll a four shilling lie for five, cents.' HAIL AND RAIN.--"WilOre do you iail from!" queried a Yankee of . a . traveler: ' "Whore do you rain • from?" "Den's rein at all," said the aitoniihei,Jenithan. "Neither, do I hail-30 naiad your own busrnos.o, A Worthy fanner who thoro . nghlY detailed :- taxes 'and, tax co ll ectors, was ', ono° called on by a' eellootor iLeesiond time for money, for whiehle had mislaid the reoeipt, and as ho told the :story te:his frien4t. ..'Well," said the friend, 4-'whit'didyen do?" "Do! why l remonstrated with bun." "And to ,what *foot?" "Well,l doret 'know to what effect, but the poker was fiend" "And . where Wag the men ttehbear i ellied an excited sit' of a physioan. 'The 'man wati stabbed about an inch and a half to the left of the nieditui Ike, and-about an inch above the , tanbiliaus," was the reply. "Oh, yea tI uuderatand,ucas; but I thought it was Dear the court-house." A witty dentist havingg worto,.in. Yaiie to tut(' t .tooth from, a ladyit awatn, gave up the 'tisk withllte felleitona-1~ , Mao faotis,' madam, it scents halgilibler thil3G• bad. .40200,9 1 0 ofyonr -somatic! Two gnmtgoVrailAtio -41 discOvermi . ats yet to fierantlw-41te , seem* -or the Wow aid, 044/tit ditai 4 111 Aretm - t-ccr.", .4; .1'9.•;; ir tta 0'44 .•","""4"Pt.". ' "';', 3 /2`.. =4. OXANCI'IMbIi. Veal& NITMOEIEM. lady—lnvetglung at.gattv4t farritstablies Have ~,rnwi , • , What's the matter, with, you?. , • rcpt.—Wsak back,,sir-7-vor 4 y -"""