SElllllllllll=l
VOLUME XVI.
PCo.l3l•l l lCiAki;ao.
VIM OWE OP MENTON.
In the saffron tinted morning,
With Potomac's anthem swell,
Where our honored Chief is sleeping,
Mingles deep the passing bell.
Slowly glides the gallant vessel
By Mount Vernon's hallowed shades,
And that mournful, mellow cadence,
Echoed through the dewy glades;
'Tie Columbia's tender tribute
Offered to her noble son ; •
"Pis the free heart's fervent homage, '
At the grave of 'WASHINGTON !
In the slumberous hug,' of noontide,
With Potbmac's anthem swell,
Where our honored Chief is steeping,
Mingles deep the passing bell. -
Never marble mausoleum
Might such majesty impart,
Nor the loud acclaim of millions,
As this homage of the heart;
'Tis Columbia's tender tribute,
Offered to her noblest son;
'Tia the free heart's fervent homage,
At the grave of WASHINGTON !
In the rosy hush of evening,
With Potomac's anthem swell,
Where our honored Chief is sleeping,
Mingles deep the passing bell.
Never' King in regal splendor
Won a fame so true and pure.
_ For his name shall be a watchword
While his countty shall endure ;
'Tis Columbia's tender tribute,
Offered to her noblest son;
'Tie the free heart's fervent homage,
. 'At the grave of When
In the blue and starry midnight,
With Potomac's anthem swell,
Where cur honored Chief is sleeping,
Mingles deep the passing bell.
Dear the spot to patriot pilgrims—
What a thrill his name creates!
• 'Tis the signal of the Union !
"Fie the Mecca of the States !
Meet such true and tender tribute
To Columbia's noblest son ;
At the grave 31 - WASIIINGTON !
REND TEEM DOKE TENDERLY.
Send them home tenderly,
Guard them with care;
Eager eyes tearfully
Watch for them there ;
Home hearts are mournfully
Throbbing to know—
Gilled and manly sons
Stricken so low !
Send them home tenderly
To the fair sod,
First by the martyr-sauled
Puritans trod. ' •
Blue hills and ocean wave
-Echo the prayer :
Send th - em home tenderly,
Love waits them there.
send them home tenderly—
Poor breathless clay—
Yet what high hopefulness
Bore them away.
Hand to hand clingingly,
Linked in brave trust—
Tenderly, tenderly;
Boar home their dust.
Send them home tenderly—
Think of the sire,
Struggling with mighty sobs
By the low fire ;
Think how a mother's heart
Hourly bath bled—
Tenderly, tenderly,
Bear home their dead.
•Written on the occasion of the assault made up
on the Massachusetts volunteers while passing
through Baltimore in April, 1861, when several of
the volunteers were killed.
- 3Mti3CJ3EIII4XLitit.N . W.
('REMEMBERED AND MouaNED.—For eve
ry man who falls in battle, some one mourns.
For every man who dies in hospital wards,
and of whom no note is made, some one
mourns. For the humblest soldier shot on
picket, and of whose humble exit from the
stage of life li tle is thought, some one
mourns. Nor t is alone. For every soldier
disabled; for qv ry one who loses an arm or
a leg, or who is wounded, or languishes in
protracted suffering; for every one who has
"only camp fever," sonic heart bleeds, some
tears are shed. In farof i humble households,
perhaps, sleepless nights and anxious days
are passed off whit* the world never knows;
and every wounded and crippled soldier who
returns to his family and friends, brings a
lasting pang with him. Oh! how the moth
ers feet this war! We, who are young, think
little of it; neither, writhink, do fathers or
'brothers 'know much of it; but it is the poor
mothers and wives of the soldiers. God
help them!
'qt. You PLEASE."—When the Duke of
Wellington was sick, the last thing le took
was a little tea. On his-servant handing it
to,him in a saucer, and asking him if he ,
would have it, the Duke replied, "Yes, if
:you .please." These were his last words.
HOw much kindness and courtesy is express
ed by them! He who had commanded the
Weeteat armies in 'Europe, and was long ac
customed to the tone of authority, did not
despise or overlook the small courtesies of
life. In all your -home talk, remember, "If
,yeu.please." Among your playmates, don't
.forgqt, "If you please!' To all who wait
upon of serve you, believe that you
,pkgese" will make you better served than all
the.eross or ordering 4rordsin.the whole dic
tleßruy!, Dou't 'knot throe little words, ".14 .
Pglfilam"'.
'piiiir:4,'The,Enworllistotr . Abet
.and?bkieigy deeds of the
SentliarrieJanii"anti Govern
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',lvrkee4A - 411e , nlest lieeifilinetereature -that'
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SPEECH OF Opo., P. TEULPT.
The last steamer .from &rope, brings us
the cause of the recent arrest of Mr. George
F. Train in London. It was a characteristic
speech, delivered secretly before the "Broth
erhood of St. Patrick,' and in which' he
commented irr strong terms upon England's
oppression of the Irish people. ik,began
after this fashion:
In the name of the Irish army 14' the
West, I ask you to cheer for the Union of
America and the disunion of Ireland from
Great Britain. (Lound- - cheers.) Those
cheers foreshadow already the downfall of
England. (Hear.) Englishmen are so bu
sy plotting the ruin of America, there can
be no objection to my changing the topic,
and speaking to an Irish audience on the
downfall of England—(Cheers,) England is
supposed to be a Gihralter-a rock of strength,
so grand, so powerful, so rich, that anything
I might say would fail t 2 penetrate her iron
armor of egotism and copper sheathing of
assumption. (Laughter.)l speak for the
people. The aristocracy have, all the law
yers to speak for them. (Hear and Laugh
ter.)—
. :ilsne day men will be considered men
and the simple annals of the poor will 'be
heard in Heaven. (Cheers.)
When I allude to the downfall of England
I mean the uprising of the people—(hear,)
when men shall have totes, and not- be
called the Mob. The Ameriean,4ebellion is
the world's rebellion, and the life of _ Aineri
ea is the death of England. , British States
menei have acted on that hy °thesis. Arrieri
ca will live, England wi..l 'e-4ttchAti the
law of nations. Prosp '''' sit.thentenifty".
The antithesis follows everything'in 'itlittnre,
right, left, up, down_: abuse a man then
praise him—strong, weik --- yeung, old.—
When a man is very ill he must get better
or die. The runner at the top of his speed
must slacken or fall. So the nation that has
mounted to the last round of the ladder
must drop or descend step by step. (Cheers)
America is going up, England coming down.
I•
moment the governing classes laid their plans
for•sapping away the liberties of the people.
Taxation without Representation is Robbery!
There are six millions of able-bodied men
in England whose position is lower than the
American slave's. Five negroes are allowed
three votes by the Constitution, which makes
a negro three-fifths of &man ; but in. England
he is not counted so high as the cattle of the
field or the trees in the forest. Even the
million of voters on the lists have no actual
representation. They arelought and sold
as regularly as corn or hemp or iron.
* * * * *
Before the election of' another American
President, Canada will be a nation. (Cheer.)
As a dependency she is a pauper ; as a na
tion she is a millionare. (Hear.) Ten min
utes after her Declaration of Independence,
America will acknowledge Canada as a sister
State. (Hear.) Aie there no statesmen in
Canada equal to the opportunity? Irish
men, I call upon you for three hearty cheers
for the Republic of Canada! the first Presi
dent, the Irish rebel, Thomas D'Arcy Mc-
Gee. (The call was loudly responded to
with additional cheers.)
England's downfall commences when A
merica closes up the ranks, and peace ce
ments the Union and plrpetuates Republics
and universal suffrage—when 'rank is but
the guinea stamp, and a man is a man for all
that. These cries must shortly come into
fashion : Canada for the Canadians, Austra
lia for the Australatians, and Ireland for I
rishmen. (Loud cheers.)
Australia will soon be a nation. Hurrah,
for the Republic of the Antipodesi Gavan
Duffy, the Irish rebel of forty-eight, the first
President of the new Republic.. (Cheers.)
With Murphy, O'Shaughnessy, - Ireland,
Mick4e, and Molcsworth, all Irishmen, in his
cabinet. (Cheers.) The downfall of Eng
land commences in earnest with the uprising
of Ireland. (Hear.)
Look at America—our army is yours.—
Union is as essential to you as to us. Ire
land forever 1 Three cheers for the ;and of
the brave ! The spirit, of Ireland is again a
live. You cannot crush it. Nine times
England's confiscation edicts thundered up
on her people. Seven - centuries of contin
ued injustice, outrag,e, murder! yet Ireland
lives again in the handred and fifty thou
sand Irish soldiers in- the American army
(Loud cheers.) The Sixty-ninth still cheers
for Corcoran. The Chicago Montgomery
Guard still cheer for Illinois and the West.
as they fought at Lexington. Shields was
backed by Irish at Winchester, and the Irish
'Brig'Brigs at Fair Oaks 'stopped the rebels in
the a vance. The Massachusetts Ninth and
the
s
Sixty-ninth were Irish reg
iments. (Loud cheers.) All hail, then, I
rishmen, as you live your lives over again in
the army of the Constitution. (Loud cheers.)
Our army is your army. We do not inquire
when the Irishman volunteers, whether he
be Protestant or Catholic. (Cheers.)
Mark well the eloquent words of Archbis
hop Hughes at Dublin. (Loud cheers.)—
He said he had seen but three great things
in the'world—the• Falls of Niagara, St: Pe
ters at Rome, and that 4.kirious demonstra
tion of Irishmen,at Dublin .on the laying of:
the foundation of the Catholic University--.--
[Load cheers.] Re says the Irish ;soldiers
are only dtilling in America, and that they
do not intend tp lay down their.
plausel—randlllo not hesitate to say. thatif
England interferes in our domestic uttOiri*
tba4ortens rebel .of '4B, Thomas ..Erancis
er, will be back agail„ in Dublin, with
a Ili y guard of ten-thonkqed veteran Irish
soldiers :from the battle-fields of Richmond.
taw the whole Bathetic° rose to their few
and the ball raande4 with cheers for ;
heilds, Meagher, sad the Irish nationality.]
WAYNESBORiE, FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, FRIDAY MORNING,
.00TOBER 8,:186:1
THE DOWNFALL OF ENGLAND.
Ab• li"etlil"li i )ooier 20;43 Utt b al 11 ";attiegs •
The folloviing remarkable ' defense of a
,prisoner tried for 'a' highway iobbery will,
we doubt not, interest our readers, but we
. have no mode of ascertaining when it occur
red. That it is not of recent date is certain,
because it appears in "a work presented tO
the late Sir John Conroy .when Officially con
nected with his majesty; King of the • Bel
gians, in 1833.
A gentleman, followed by a servant in
livery, rode into an inn in the west of ..En..-
land one evening, a little before dark: He
told the landlord he should be detained by
business in that part of the country for a
few days, and wished to know if there were
any amusements going on in the town. to , -fill
up the interval of time: The landlord repli
ed that it was their lace and assizes week,
and that he would, therefore, be at no loss
to pass away his leisure hours. On the gen
tleman's remarking that this was fortunate,
for that he was tond of hearing trials. the
other said that a ver y . . interesting tri al for
robbery would come on the next day, on
which people's opinion was much -divided,
the evidence being very strong against the
.prisoner ; but the man himself persis‘i • res
olutely in declaring that he' was in.& distant
part,oUbe kingclinn at,the.titne the robbery
was `committed. It i:.- .. ..
The Mien tiaiiifeAed 'considerable anxiety
to hear the. trial-, bUt as the 'court 'would pro
bably be orowdeci; Axpressed some doubt of
getting a place: :The landlord told him
there should be no difficulty in a gentleman
of his pearance getting a seat; but that,
e i
to pre
would with him, and speak to one of the
beadleip, s . Accordingly, they went into court
next editing, and through the landlord's
interest with the officers of the court, the
gentleman was shows to a seat on the bench.
Presently after, the trial began.
While the evidence was proceeding against
him, the prisoner had remained with his eyes
fixed on the ground, seemingly very much
depressed; till on being called on for his de
fense, he looked up, and seeing the stranger,
he sudden!. fainted. This excited some
surprise, an' it seeme., at first, e a trio
to gain time,. As soon as he came to him
self, being asked by the judge . the' cause of
his behavior, he said:
'Oh, my lord, I see a person who can save
my life: that gentleman,' pointing to the
stranger, 'can prove lam innocent, might I
only have leave to put a few questions to
him.'
The eyes of the whole court were now
turned upon the gentlemen, who said he felt
in a veryawkward situation to be called upon,
as he did not remunber ever to have seen the
man before, but that he would answer any
questions that was asked him.
Well ; then, 'said the man, 'don't you remetn
-bet—landing-at-Dover-at-such—a-time.'
To this he answered that he had landed at
Nves not long before; but that he could not
tell whether it was on the day he mentioned
or not.
'Well, said he, but don't you recolleet that a
person in a blue jacket and trowsers-carried
your trunk to the inn?
To this he answered that of course some
person had carried his trunk. for him; but
he did not know what dress he-wore.
'But,' said the prisoner, 'don't you remem
ber that the person who went vigil you from
the boat told you a story of his , being in the
service, that he thought himself so ill-used
man, and that he showed you a scar he had
on one side of the forehead?
During this last question the Countenance
of, the stranger underwent considerable
change He said he did recollect such
a circumstance, and on the man's putting
his hair aside and showing the scar, he be
came quite sure that he saw the same person.
A buzz of satisfaction now run through the
court; for the day on which, according to
the prisoner's account, • the gentlemen had
met with him at Dover' was the same on
which ho was charged for robbery in a dis
tant part of the country. The stranger; how
ever, could not be certain of the time but
said he• sometimes made a meniomndum of
dates in his pocket book and might possibly
have done so on this occasion. On turning
to his pocket book he found a memorandum
of the time he landed, which corresponded
with the prisoner's assertion. This being
the only circumstance necessary to prove
the alibi, the prisoner was immediately ac
quitted, amidst the applause and congratula
tions of the whole court. Within less than
a month after this, the gentlemin who came
to the inn attended by a servant in livery,
the servant who followed him, and the pris
oner who had been acquitted, were all three
brought back together to the same jail for ,
robbing the mail! It turned out that this
clever defence at the trial was a scheme skill
fully arranged by the thief's confederates to
obtain the release of their accomplice I
* *
A HINT To PAAENTs.—Many persons
when told never to punish a child in anger,
reply, "Then we should never punish them
at all, if we did not while we are angry."
Very well, be it so,.a blow struck in anger
has made more inmates of our prisOnit than
almost anytiing else. How many . boyish
wanderers from the parental roof can trace
their ultimate ruin from it!: Bow many wo
men, who have lost all setnblance of woman
hood, can date their first downward steps
from this cruel, maddening, discouragedlnn
ment! Oh, never. strike your child in angerl
The bitter resentment'. and: heart-burrungs
which it 4tsusett is the Bead ,:of that. Jleadly .
uight-shade--Despair. A A• . :little ' patiattoe
(and bow much: yowl. flekarenly Father Ass
bad With you! —a litdi:love (and bow free,
ly :bavo you received it fon :inno-sad your
child's .warwardaeati willdise,ppear, aud, you
:old age' be bleased,'inateatLot4 l ik rernoraro .
iTt
I,f , * are .eys te
r so ""mptait:llinh `lffil Rio
n prii are intiliOnitit' you 'Will
40 •„, •
A Shiodar behnee.
The Real Murderer.
On, the field of Bull' Run last month a
brave,Oolonel in the Union .Army kid down
his life, amid hundreds of his comrades. As
the vital current ebbed from him, he wrote
a few thrilling voids to one near.and dear to
him, accusing a certain G eneral of being the
means of his death: , Could he have had a
more comprehensive view of _the
,causes of
his "taking off," he would have seen that
his real murderer was slavery. Against him
slaiery, with stolen cannon, pitted its cohorts,
and celebrated its ,triumph when he and
hundreds like . him lay weltering in their
gore. Nay, further, the white slaves of sla
very would gladly boil: the flesh from his
bones and fashion them into delicate orna
ments for fair hands, necks and bosom's.--
They deliberately accomplished such exploits
in hundred of instances while their army lay
at Manassas after the first battle of Bull
Run. All over, the South they have scatter
ed these "ornaments," only a few days since
a rebel cavalier offered a Maryland lady a
finger ring which he gaily announced as
made of ankee's bone. -
Without a rise in the barbaric spirit of
slavery we should have no war. Without
the efforts of Calhoun, Rhett, Yancey, Breek
inridge, Davis, Benjamin, Floyd, Cobb and
their joint conspirators, no cannon would
have flung its shot towards Fort Sumter.--
Without their persistent malignity tens of
thousands patriot soldiers, whose bones now
bleach all over Southern territory, would
still be pursuing the paths of enterprise and
the United States would be gaining in pros
perity every hour. It is slavery which has
scattered families and ruined households; it
is slavery which has brought the nation-rnto
a reign &blood and violence, and if we con
quer slavery, it must beby bringing light
into recesses now dark ; it must be by sen
ding forth from sea to sea, and from Canada
to the Gulf the warmth , the light and the
power of freedom.
In this vast struggle up to this period the
loyal North has poured out blood like rivers
and money in millions. Our hospitals are
filled with the victims of this crime against -
-- ' 7, 11r-r' Wm. e- - _
civi ization; on innumerm
sands of gallant spirits have died and now
fill nameless trenches. We have never
blenched at this waste of manhood, this scat
tering of treasure. But a time is now close
upon as when, if this war is to be fought
and finished, with both our hands, we must
annihilate slavery, so far as it bedges about
the rebels mighty bulwark and leave theta
"scattered and peeled" amid the Wreck of
their infamous designls to establish darkness
on the throne of light, and barbarism in the
very centre and home of civilization. -
Tnr ENDLFSB WAR.--There are no wea
ry hearts on the other side of Jordan. The
rest of heaven will be the sweet er for the
toils of earth. The value of eternal rest will
be enhanced by the troubles of time. Jesus
now allows us to rest in His bosom. He will
soon bring us Co rest in His Father's house.
His rest will be glorious. A rest from sin;
a rest from suffering; a rest from conflict;
a rest from toil; a rest from sorrow. The
very rest that Jesus enjoys Himself. we
shall not only rest with Him, we shall rest
like Him. How many of the earth's weary
ones are resting in His glorious presence
now?"[ It will be undisturbed rest. Hell)
the rest of body is disturbed by dreams, and
sometimes by alarms; but there are no
troublesome dreams or alarming occurrences
there Thanks be unto God for the rest we•
now enjoy! Ten thousand thanks to Gad for
the rest we shall enjoy with Christ! Wea
ried one, look away from the cause of thy
present suffering and remember there is a
rest remaining, for thee. A little while and
thou shalt enter into rest.
WATCRTNG ONE'S SELF.---"When I WB9
a boy," said an old man, "we had 'a school
master who had an odd way of catching idle
iniys. One day he called out to us—
"l3oys, I must have closer attention to
your books. The first one of you that sees
another idle boy, I want you to inform me,
and. I will attend to the case."
"Ah, thought I to• myself, there is Joe
Simmons that I don't like. I'll watch him,
and if I see him look of his book, I'll tell.—
ft was not long before I saw Joe look off.his
book, and immediately I informed the mis
ter.
"Indeed," said he, "how did yoAnow he
was idle F'
"I saw him," said I.
"You did; and were your eyes on your
Look when you saw him ?"
"I was caught, and never watched for idle
boys againi"
If we are sufficientlj , watchful over. our
own conduct, we shall have no time to find
fault with _the conduct of others.
THE- ROMAN SENTINEL.--When
Porn
eii was destroyed, there were taan.lpereous
buried in the ruins, who were afterwards
found in different mittiatioes. There . were ,
some found in the street, a§ if they .had been
attempting to make' their; agape. There
were some 'firundin the lof,t,y, chambers; but
wheal did they find the Roman sentinel?
They found him standiniF, at the city gate,
with; his hand still grasping . the ,war , weapon
where be, had. been placed by his captain and
there, while the hearena • threatened h*
there while the lava, stream ; rolled, hs4,,ho ;
stood st his, post;,and there, aftere thousettd.
Years had 'wised away,,,lratst he, otul.
Faun qt,o.lo,—Thbe raropof,fruf is "'forth ,
astern Peausilvaaia thisseasokwitudientle,
and of . every,.,,varieti 7 ,„A, apuie ;; paces tb~
crop 4 R::/are 4 14 rtgt:4 46 ifi ,, *to
twia‘thirda ofit , wjil‘ *4 1 1 1 014' •, • • -
-
.114,fOilositiiig . au090.,epitfpn, Ale 044' ,
rosyreuia'm ghtvoilardodilt,:ll,e*re .
gateils.ll49'4rsorrted, fork:Rile
to be aven
, , jOtteiareliiiiil; P9l rasa ; OUP
th4ir tq '0) 6 7, it;
THE Ruin Etit.pos.—A part in aneigh
boring State, after long obitiary: of
a deceased brother. of the thtir-nod-t
eludes : "Ate we not glad, also, that , such
an editor , is in heaven-1 • There the.. cry ; of
"mom copy" shalt never be beard. There
he shall never beitbused by his `p6liticalhit
togonist, with lies and detractions . that shOtild
shame a deMon to' • pionitilgate. There ha
shall lie more be used as a ladder for the as
piring to kiek down as they' teach the . desir
ed height and need Mm no mote. There he
shall be able to see the immense masses of
mind he has moved, all • unknowingly • and.
unknown as he has been during his weary
pilgrimage on eatth. There he - shall find
articles credited,*and not a clap of his thun- •
der stolen—and there shall be no horrid tYp
ographiialerrors.to set hint in a fever. , We
are glad the editor is in heaven.
ABOUT LIFI.—If it is well for a MOO to
live at all, he should endeavor to avoid all'
those influences which detract fiom:the -beau
ty and harmony of human existence. In
other words, he should "make the most of
life," and not allow himself to be distracted,
annoyed, or Confounded by anything. ' He
should, fully possess himself, being , at peace
.with his own soul, and having great:good
will for all mankind. Lig; then, will have
a beautiful significance to him; its • current
will be deep and flow gently on—in all the
beauties of the world reflected.
hEADING—This I deem twin sister to Or
thography, find one of the first elements• of a
good education. Indeed, it is ohe of the
grand learting points of all self-made 'nen.—
It is through this medium that we afkena
bled to graeriedsdern and carry off the lanveli
in triumph: the Ruestirods then come home
to us, why cannot' the ~community largo'
become more , than passable readers? Are.
they not intelligent? And where shall we
seek for an answer? Methinks; seine one
whispers, "visit our con; ton "schools s , and
then sum up the argumen t.'•
If Washington had not been a man or'con.'
te-ps
eronal-wer-ilt r e•
been so enshrined in our grateful lov. and
veneration ? We serve our country and the
world best when we most diligently cherish
those pure, generous and holy affections,
those immortal virtues which prepare us for
a better country, that is, a heavenly.
WIDOW OF Ex-PRESIDENT TYLER.--
Mrs. Julia Gardner Tyler, widow of the
late Ex-President - John Tyler, has arrived at
Fortress Monroe, Virginia, en rouse for the
North. Mrs. Tyler is a Northern lady,
daughter of the late Colonel Gardner, of
Long Island, owner
name. Miss Gardner
iiage with Presideni
belies of New York
marriage with the
United Statescreate(
time. She now roil
small children, to tl
Thd back often wears the
,gold that is a
great deal more needed in the purse, •
Acorns and graces sprout quickly, but
grow long before ripening.
The ladies of Dowagiac, Michigan, have
formed a Ladies' Moral Police, to stop liquor
selling and midnight deviltry.
Pride of birth is the most ridiculous of all
vanities. It is like roasting the, root of a
tree, instead of the fruit it bears.
Those nervous folks, who are
annoyed *
everything that approaches thew, annoy
every body they approach.
When we fall upon a rock we know how
hard it is.' When we are thrown upon our
resources we learn how groat they are.
We arc commanded to let our light shine
before mefi; the man with the red nose keeps
his light shining before timself.‘
He who calls himself a patriot and doesn't
do the duty of one, deserves the double pun
ishment of a traitor awl a hypocrite._
The miser isn't vain; he thinks a penny
better worth saving than his Boni.
The green turf is the poor man's carpet;
and God weaves the colors.
•
The richest man on earth is th — da pauper
fed and clothed by the bounty of heaven. _
Peace gains her victories' with spears of
grain, and blades of grass. . ,1
Our hopes are bubbthe, born - with a breath
and broken with a sigh.. •
More Asenaehaa been whipped ont of school
boys than into
A 7 mairatiould stop drinking before
stomach bepqmes tho theatre of a whiskey
inanirecition;
Probably the reason_ why thovray of the
transgressor is bard, is that ie .so much
travelksd.t. , , ,-
lVe
must tell' Bonn imen a great,deal :to
teach 601 . a " • - • -
Whew *e' thinlodf good, the angels' aro
silent, when we do ir;they rejpioo. „
The calf , of 0 thief's. lig ie all Appropriate
0140( , :f 4ogiiteeth 0-baye
boob 'tiliouralgi - twand - hrl the
skims or their aotheic --
low% tadies rarely koss(wkli Qther ezoopt
there are K 611041444.0 ti_e them do it.
1'.1%0_71344 iegiment is cionanislifled
lairouiSisout• 5 140thedilitc 9701wher4,-..
't ~',? I}Ji ,~MI
ciottovi*
-Tut..6RY„At4D Truaricz---"Fatlib '"f '
iihotilden't water be464de
hot?" • • - ' •
7 1 ‘No,r,crilsou in the World,. Jack, if the apple-
Vidn't*bloir ofrthe lid of theli:3ttle."
Well, then, father, let's-try; &mai.
plug up, the spout, and fostch down Our. lid
•
et the. •kettle." -- ,
Jack dulfprepared thekettle, borretted ad' •
additional pair of bellows- from a- neighbor;
placed 'Abe *kettle over, a good fire ) and, iu
conjunction with fayther, set to wink ,to
hie*, ‘,‘Now.fayther," "Now cried
tIM opertitorp„,. encouraging each other, to,
renewed exertion, till, at last, bang went the
lid of thekettle, and dowii-weat'fayther - itild
Jack; soniewhht scalded • and considerably'
frightened; and as to making,water. red-hia4
Jack quite agreed with fayther, who ruefully
exclaimed, es he went -down, "I say, Jack,
it canna b,4 clone."-=-Scientifie American.
A story is told of Dick, a. darkey, in 'ii
tUcky, who was a notorious thief, so oious
in this tespect that all the theft in tl neigh
borhood was charged on him. On ono occa
sion Mr. Jones, neighbor of Dick's master,
called and said Dick must be sold out of that
part of the country, for he had stolen all of
his (Mr.,Jon es's) turkeys. Dick's master
&could not think so. The two, however, west
into the field where, Dick was at work' and
accused him of the theft.
' "You stole Mr. Jones's turkeys," said:the.
master.
"No, I cilda't massa," responded Dick
The/master, persisted.
"Well," at length said Dick, "I'll tell you,
Massa; I didn't steal demlurkcys; but last
,eight when, I went across Mr. Jones's pas s .
ture I. saw one of our rails on do - fencerso I
brought home de rail and eontound it / when
I came to look, dare was nine turkeys on de
rail."
,
Petitions to he presented to the Legista
ttire an y State that is nearly out'of busi
ness :
a bill might be passed _to reatriltp' his wife'
from the use of more than sir. bonnets in:
one season.
Frons a jealous husband—Prayi . ngt,tiipt
might be made felony for a Ineholor to aSlea 7 r
married lady to dance. -
From ujitigety laudmivd—For an act • to- ,
declare the rearing 4 Wiparrots and lap dogs 4,
'capital crime.: , . • ;,
From a distractet or an Ac t'
to prohibit the squalling of-the babies. '
From an old maid—To miko.atiarria.ges
compulsory , at a certain age- 7 - 7 to „extend, ',to
, ,
S.—Woak knees. yeu mol.; -
W.--Yes, sir , weak . koees—vor'y *oak
knees, can't march.i , f.
S.---Yes, I'll giro you a certifioate—(wrftes).
—"Upon honor, I keioby certify' that th
bearer—. is weak in the ; k4ea, a, grey
coward, who shrinks from defending If
country. Hope he will be put in ther, front
ranks whore he can't run away. ,
W.--[Handing the surgeon a quarter.]--
Thank you, sir, I knew I was entitled to a
certificate. This rebellion so wicked and
monstrous must be put down. It has done
my heart.good to see the energy of the Pte.?,
%dent in ordering a draft. .
(Here reads the certificate and faints.]
"I say, stranger,' said a cottage urchin to
a Yankee pedlar, "don't yet Whistle that ore
dog away." , • -
"Why, he ain't no, use no how, he's too
ugly."
"Oh, but he saves `heaps of work."
"How?"
"Why he always licks theilates and dish
es so clean that they 'fiever want washing—
and mammy says she wouldn't part with him
no how, for our new dog ain't got mod to
mustard yet."
A Pennsylvania editor says somebody,
brought a bottle of sour water into our office,
witb a request to notice it as lemon beer.—
If Esau was green onangh to sell his birth
right for a mess of pottige, it does not‘prove
that wa willetoll a four shilling lie for five,
cents.'
HAIL AND RAIN.--"WilOre do you iail
from!" queried a Yankee of . a . traveler: '
"Whore do you rain • from?" "Den's rein at
all," said the aitoniihei,Jenithan. "Neither,
do I hail-30 naiad your own busrnos.o,
A Worthy fanner who thoro . nghlY detailed :-
taxes 'and, tax co ll ectors, was ',
ono° called on
by a' eellootor iLeesiond time for money, for
whiehle had mislaid the reoeipt, and as ho
told the :story te:his frien4t. ..'Well," said
the friend, 4-'whit'didyen do?" "Do! why l
remonstrated with bun." "And to ,what
*foot?" "Well,l doret 'know to what effect,
but the poker was fiend"
"And . where Wag the men ttehbear i ellied
an excited sit' of a physioan.
'The 'man wati stabbed about an inch and a
half to the left of the nieditui Ike, and-about
an inch above the , tanbiliaus," was the reply.
"Oh, yea tI uuderatand,ucas; but I thought
it was Dear the court-house."
A witty dentist havingg worto,.in. Yaiie to
tut(' t .tooth from, a ladyit awatn, gave up
the 'tisk withllte felleitona-1~ , Mao
faotis,' madam, it scents halgilibler
thil3G• bad. .40200,9 1 0 ofyonr -somatic!
Two gnmtgoVrailAtio -41 discOvermi . ats yet
to fierantlw-41te , seem* -or the Wow aid,
044/tit ditai 4
111
Aretm - t-ccr.",
.4; .1'9.•;; ir tta 0'44
.•","""4"Pt.".
' "';', 3
/2`..
=4.
OXANCI'IMbIi. Veal&
NITMOEIEM.
lady—lnvetglung at.gattv4t
farritstablies Have ~,rnwi
, • ,
What's the matter, with, you?.
, •
rcpt.—Wsak back,,sir-7-vor 4 y
-"""