Most Women
Can tell a good shoe
when they see it.
mis illustrates one of the
styles of the "La France."
We have five others. All
cost $3.00.
If you will look over the
town and compare every
other Three Dollar Shoe
with this one, you can't help
buying the "La France."
JOHNSON,
SOLE AGENT.
your Children
ASK I
UESTIONS?
?! Of i-f.mv'o llirj 1". It in tlinir
vuy nf 1 iiriiinjj miiI 1 1, H jour ilul.j
lo un iTi.r. You iniiy neoil a ilic
liiiiiiuy lo ui I y r n 1 . It won't an
swer ovLTj fj'icnlio!i, Iiul llisro fire
I hoiiHuixls lo v liicli il. will give you
Iriic, dour uiul iluliuilo aiiHwera,
nol, itlimit wor.U only, lull, uboui
I liiiij4-i, lliopmi, iniicliiiiory , men,
plui ex, uloi ic.H iiti'l I !io like. 'J'lion,
l,oo, l.lio cliiMien ciin finil Uioir
own hiihwoi'b. K01110 of our
grniiluH. men limo iisoriliuil l.licir
icwer In H.udy of Uie dicUoimry.
Of i ihii'ho you Tvitut I.I10 l)i's(, iliu
!iiiii;uy. 'I 1.0 1110 ;l cril.icul jircfrr
" New uiul linliuguil AMil.iuii of
webster's
International
Dictionary.
""v If Jnil mm tiny ilfll
Vm tthiltll it tl't itl liM
WFfliifcirs 1
llKTFBrnnimAiyG. & Q. MEPRIAM CO.,
uii.iiix.wi l-lllll untin
epnillOFIELD, MASS.
Washington Hotels.
RIGGS HOUSE.
Hie hotel par excellence of tho cnpltnl,
.ootttod within one block of the Whin
House and directly opposite the Treasury
b luest table in the city.
WILLARD'S HOTEL.
A. famous hotelry, remarkable for lt
historical associations unci long sustained
popularity. Recently renovated, repainted
turn pnrciuny rciuruisneu.
NATIONAL HOTEL
A. landmark among the hoteli of Wash
tngtnn, patronized In former years hy
presidents and high officials. Always a
prime favorite. Recently remodeled and
rouuereu uener man ever. upp. fa. rl.
R dep. WALTER HURTON. Res. Mur.
These hotels are the principal political
rendezvous of the oapital at all times.
They are the best Btopplng places at rea-
ouaoie rat-es.
O. O. STAPLES. Proprlotor.
O. DCWITT.Msnsior,
;..Vn J-:
TIIE LANE INSTITUTE,
THE LANE INSTITUTE CO.
113a Uroaitway, fct. Jmes Build
Inn, Naw York.
FortheTrsstmsnt and our of
IIQUOR, OPIUM AND MORPHINE HABITS,
NO HYPODKRMIO INJECTIONS.
A FKiiFKCT HOMii THKATMKNT OK BatJI
TAUIl!.i ADVANTAUKS.
! State Normal School
East Stroudsburg, Pa
ui'Kiiiiir ru;it .ormni 1 uur'8, nnu
H t:ln Ot-tmrtliu'lttH of M tlH-, Klu
cumin. Art, 1 h-.iwi.i, Stenoniptiy,
and T pcwrHing: strung CoHcu
i-'nnmnliirv 1 f'i;ir t liitint.
S FREE TUITION
ftmrtliiifr espcnst-s f'A 5) tvr v--ck. J
I'upiis miiiiuuil nt ituy ti sue. in y
I'T lcnn opens Uvu. iith. Wriio 4
1' ir cntnl'iuo.
C L. Kemp, A. M.,
Principal.
a t i a e4
UO WEST C.:.i L...5
HmV be tjv, t" I'V
iui Utti. rti .'i.-.-,
1 i.t rfy i I ft! h LOi:tl.
F YOU ABE SICK
And need medicine for your
Kidneys, Liver, Bladder or
Blood, get the Best.
Dr.
David Kennrdy't Favorits
Remedy.
If ym are suffering from kidney or
bladder disease, the doctor afiks: "Do
you desire to urinate often, and are ymi
comjielled to get op frefpicntly during the
night? 1 )r vourbaek pnin you ? lines
your untie stain linen; is mere srniu
in pain in pntsin it, and is it ditVuuilt to
hold the urine back ? If so, your kidneys
or bladder are diseased."
Try putlinu; some of your urine in a
glass tumbler, let it stand twenty-four
hours. Jf thereisasediment.oraclomlv,
nnlkv apiearance, your kidneys are sick.
Ir. David Kennedy's Favorite R(;mrdy
will surely relieve and cure the most dis
tressing cases of these dread diseases,
and no physician can prescribe a medicine
that equals it for kidney, liver, bladder
and blood diseases, rheumatism, dyspep
sia and chronic constipation.
Walter D. Miller, of Delhi, N. Y
writes :
"I suffered, for vears with kidney
trouble and severe "pains in mv back,
at times it was so bad 1 could hardly
walk. My stomach also troubled me
and I frequently had twinrjes of rheu
matism. I suffered a reat deal and
received no benefit until I bepnn the
use of Dr. David Kennedy'g Favorite
Remedy. After taking it a short
while it cured me."
It is for sale bv nil dniptrists in the
No w BO OeniSIra and the regular
(1 .00 size bottles less than a cent a dose.
Sttfr Mt!ftrug:k fcr frinl, frit by mail.
Dr. David Kanncdy Corporation, Rondout, N. Y.
Or. RsvM wilT,I a.Mtn DrlM InstnM relist.
Khiia, MiwaulMia, IfuKn, ism. Kt, No.
MINISTER BOWEN SAYS:
When you are doing business don't
think you are doing society.
Give 100 men a simple tiling; to do,
and P9 of them will complicate it.
When talking seriously a ninn
wnnts to get the light on the other
fellow's face anil Hit in the shadow
'limself.
Don't use polysyllables when
monosyllables will do. It lakes les.
time and you fire sure the other fel
low understands.
If a mnn who is right barks down
to a mnn who is wrong, whether lie
is llng, emperor or president, he
lias lost elinrneter, and no crowned
head is worth that.
Uratrfnl.
Thompson I want to ask a furor of
you.
Robinson All right; go ahead.
"I waiit to ask jou to lend me $50
for a week.
"Thank you, thank you give me
your hand! I appreciate it, X assure
you."
"Why er what are you thanking
toe for?
"For the compliment. I haven't seen
j0 in years." Kansas City Journal
A Stadr 1h Heartbreaking.
"I am supposed to die of a broken
heart," said the unmanageable ac
tress.
"Now, how am I to know how a per
son with a broken heart behaves?
"I'll tell you what to do," answered
the cold-blooded manager. "You gttidy
the author of this play after he sees
your first, performance of It." Wash
ington. Star.
ReTlsed the Proverb.
"How often," sighs the sentimental
person, "do we see strikingly exempli
fled in real life the adage that when
poverty cornea in at the door love flies
out of the window."
"In a way, yes," concedes the prac
tical individual. "For instance, when
the Ice man rings, in the entrance the
coal man is saying good-by in the al
ley." Judge.
Bard.
"It's a hard task this bedng a states
man, remarked the great man, reflect
ively.
"People are hard io satisfy."
"Very. If you have money at the end
of a term of olliee they wink signifl
cantly and say: 'I told you so,' and if
you are poor they curl their lips and
comment on your Improvident charac
ter." Washington Star.
Perplexing situation.
Parker What's wrong? You seem
worried.
Streeter I am. I wrote two notes
one to my broker asking him if he
took me for a fool, and the other to
Miss tiolding asking her if she would
be mine. While I was out somebody
telephoned 'Yes,' and I don't know
which of 'em it was. Tit-Iiita.
Bio DlDgM,
"Do you think there is any danger
of America bein dominated by Ku
rie ?"
"No, air," answered Mr. Meekton
with extraordinary emphasis; "not so
long as eminent Kuropeana continue
to marry American girls." Washing
ton Star.
Poorly?
" For two yetrs I suffered ter
ribly from dyspepsia, with great
depression, and was always feeling
poorly. I then tried Ayer's Ssrsa
paiilla, and in one week I was g
new in an." John McDonald,
Philadelphia, Pa.
Don't forget that it's
'Aver's" Sarsaparilla
that will make you strong
ana hopeful. Don t waste
your time and money by
trying some other Kind.
Use the old, tested, tried,
and true Ayer's Sarsapa
rilla. SI Ma bottle. All J.wi.
. Ai aH Co , Lowell, V.Kl.
"BUSTKir AND "KID."
TTr mall m) rlirfv. arid liint(irewit
frniriitpntaiv; iiislfd, o much en, hit the
rnsiinl oKervpr woride:'! hovv lie innmti."
to kfpp inside of it. Jli RppfMnnre wh
otninst him, una hi ljtNKHfHTP rfple'
with ivljoct ive nf a kind not itf-i! in nnlite
ncif'ty was open to improvement; htt lie
itid one virtue---t tint one which i -Vti ny
poetn. nen-Kiifipero and envernt ion? lit
generally, to he a thin of the pat t hivl-
iy! He wr only ten, tut in Idr hnit hie
hid itpi'n and suffered pmnch asninny thrice
hw ace. Wis narents were dead, whit h wa
prhnp9 a good thinp. hin fat her having
leen more in than out of prison, and hi
mother well, the le said of her. the bet
ter; nver-indulaenee in M imnlants having
been the lea.st of her niiinerou weaknee.
It nhould he mentioned for the Irenefit of
tiie HTnnit;uted. that he ttok hie wjhrnpiet
df rtiiit fr ' from a fondnos for that deli
cacy called "a butter"--namely, a halfpenny
roll, in which he indulged when in fund.
Hunter" had no relations worth men
tioning, hut he had taken under his pro
tection a young huly aged six, wboe pa
rents were much t lie same as his own, except
that tin they still adorned tin world. lie
had, in addition to etarvation. to endure
a course of blows ami etir-ea whenever tie
parent aforesaid happened to be in a bad
temper, which wa alwav-). In fact, but for
Hotter a protection, t he ehtld niut rave
snccfimbed to thi treatment, but she flco
to him whenever thing got too bad. and
though he cniilfl' not fijrht for her like &
knight of old. he kept her away from her
mo'her, and 1 fear the means he sometime-
took were -such a would be condemned hv
a stickler for truth. "'Ave yu wen thnt
brat o' mine. 'liuster'?' the mother would
say, and "Buster"' would reply well know
ing that the child was stowed away benet!i
a colter's barrow close by 'Yu, peed her
goin' 'long the Cut, 'bout ten minutes ago"
and when the mother had depHited. vowing
vengeance on the little unfortunate.
Butter would haul the child out. Now,
kid, come on, she's off. and I 'npe she'll get
run in, that's all. Come on, young un. now
for supper supper being m affluent times.
fried fish and potatoes, which they took on
the nearest doorstep.
But there came a time when "Butter's"
hick seemed to desert him, competition in
the match and newspaper trade left him
behind and both he and the kid. a he
called her, grew thin, and, if possible, more
ragged than ever. Now, poor "Buster."
though his rel igious training wn scanty,
had decided notion of right and wrong,
particularly as to the right of property,
for, a lie said, "It ain't fair for anybody
to collar my wittles, ami I s pose it am t
fair for me to collar theirV"
"BiMer" and "the kid" were wandering
about hand in hand one night, a raw fug
eeming to penetrate their very bone, and
"Butter" was gloomy, for there would be
no "nh and latere" to-night, for he was
"broke" a he expressed it. "The kid" was
crying too, nnd altogether things were not
cheerful, hut at lat "Buster"' grew des
perate. "Cheer up, kid," said he, "and wait
'ere," and placing her on a convenient door
step, he ran off to the fish hop he patron
ized, and demanded "the usual.'' "Where's
the money," demanded the proprietor.
"Ain't got none, you'll have to chalk il
up." replied "Buster."
"Not me," said the man, "no tick heie,
so out you go!"
And out "Buster" went, back to bis lit
tle charge, expressing hiu opinion of the
n.h-man in uncomplimentary termp.
But he couldn't let "'the kid" go
hungry, and he wouldn't, either; he
returned to the shop and as tlfe man
placed a tempting helping of "fish and
Inters" in newspaper on the counter,
"Buster" snatched it up, and bolted
"Stop 'im," yelled the man, and the
crowded shop was empty in a moment,
everything forgotten but the chase.
"Buster"' ran his hardest, and had al
most reached "the kid." when a shout
and a horse pulled up sud-denly! Too late!
"Buster" was under the horse's feet, but
with his prize in his hands undamaged ; he
scrambled to his feet, only to be collared by
the fish-man, who bawled for the police;
but just then "the kid' struggled through
the crowd, in time to tee the boy hamhed
over to the policeman, who took him by
the arm in the usual stolid way, and march
ed him off. They had nut gone a dozen
yards, before "Buster" dropped. "ITulloa,
whnt's the game?" sid the policeman, but
his face changed when he looked at the boy,
and picking him up, he carried hiin with
rapid strides to the nearest surgery. The
doctor, after a quick examination, shook
his head. The fish-man, who hod pushed his
way in, remarked, "Come on, take 'im off
to the office, I can't stay 'ere all night."
"Very well, my friend, if you can't stay,
get out, the boy is dying what is the boy
to be taken to the station for?"
"Stealing from my shop," rejoined the
ot her.
"He'll never steal again," said the doc
tor. "Nor never did, afore," said "Buster,"
feebly. "I say. mister, am I g(.-in to -die?"
The doctor looked keenly nt the boy, and
then wiid gently. "Yes, my boy."
"Soon?" asked "Buster."
"Yes."
"Well, it dion't mntter much." sfcirt the
boy, "but, I Nty, mrster. wlro'tl look after
'the kid,' when I'm gone?" and the doctor
mid hf-itntinglv, "Ood will take care of
her."
"Ah," said the boy, "I fope He will, but
she's had a rough time of it. T mv, the
parson what comes down our court used ter
say somethin ?bont t en ling being sinwill
my prigging that bit o' fUh be wored
ag'wnt me? Yer fee. I didn't take it fer
myself, it was fer, 'the kid.' I couldn't
let her go 'ungry and kiic ain't got no one
else good bye." and the boy turned ovr
on his face and with a nhiver "Buster'"
spirit took wing.
"B'oomin' little thief," tnid the fih-m;tn.
"Take yourself off," said the doctor, "un
leas von wish to be put ouUide."
"Who's agoiu' to do it?" rrerri th
man, "you touch me, that's all. an' I'll give
you in charge for Hnult" but there the
representative of law and order bore down
upon the fieh-man, and before that worthy
quite realized what was happening, he was
out in the street with the definite promise
of a summons for "being drunk and dor
derly and obstructing the police."
And the doctor, looking down f the lit
tle form, with it' pinched face, tun! softly
to himself: "Will that be scored up Against
hrm. I wonder" Temple M.tg.iz-ine.
Loathed the Ooird.
Fiei-Ieut Roosevelt was telling a friend
about hi nuil, which nwrigc frfO or Hon
letters a day. "One of tiie mot reiia"jt
able tetters 1 ever received," he mid, "ar
rived on the morning the first full account
of the Martinique iivt.-:er were printed in
the new. -pa per. The writer caul he
that 1 he American cotihui at Mart inique
had been burned to dvth. lie applied lor
the pUce, and wound up w;th tht wntence:
'I make tin? eai'y application so a to get
in auead of those louUiMJine creatures, tne
oiiiceeekers," Briitiihore Newt.
A Thoughtful Man
M. M. Austin of Winchester, Ind.,
knew v.hnfc to do in the hour of
netd. Ilirt wife had sin-h an unuunal
of stomach and liver trouble,
physicians could not help her. He
thought of and trit'd Dr. King's Now
Life 1111.1 and fehti gut relief ut once
and was! fiiKiily oim;d. Only 25
ct-iitd, at nil dru7 atoxca.
LITTLE POETIC NUGGETS.
Harbin ft era off nrlw.
When you hear the orR'in-erinder, with ths
notes of "Sweet MfirW-,"
Kno'-klna; nit the snug-blrc.. nWv In thft
treei;
When yon se vmir nntt-donr neighbor, on
bis wny home from a fn,
"WndiriR: in the muJiJy roadway to his
knees;
VVhen you nn Vm rend the Mir! nets,
and the shntlflrrs come and go.
When you hear the fish man give his horn
a blast.
When you have that tired teHIng and con
sider work a foe,
Vo you really think
that Pprlng
Is here
at la: t?
IVhen the front gate needs some fixin', and
the storm a little paint.
When the cellar nee.is some whitewash
on the wall;
When you go up in the atttc and at one
fee rather faint
From the smell of tar bulls put there In
the fall;
When ou get "fresh eggs" for breakfast,
and you upward turn your no.e
Just because you know those eggs have
had a past ;
When a handkerchief comes handy, and
your're talking driv your fose,
Do jou really think
that Spring
Is here
at last?
Yonkers Statesman
W hen I Hear the Ileen M-llntnmlnsr
Oh, the Pprlng Is surely coming, for I hear
the beee a-hummlng
'Mid the swelling, bursting blossoms of
the qulck'ning maple tree;
And I'm lull of joy In knowing warmer
winds soon bo blowing
When I hear the humming, humming of
the busy, buEzing bee.
When I hear the bees a-hnmming,
Oh, It sets my heart to drumming,
For there's happiness for m
In the humming of the bee.
PiiHsy willows are a-booMIng, aoft clouds
In the sky are scudding,
From the treetop now the bluebird sings
Its sweetest songs to me.
In the sunshine I lie dreaming of the sum-,
mer's pleasures, seeming
Even now to hear Its glories chanted by
the bumming bee.
Now ths earth the sun Is warming.
Timid buds are Mowers forming,
Rnhln trills his welcome song
Spmmer will be here ere long!
Spencer E. Ooplin, in Indianapolis News.
A Royal Heart.
Ragged, uncomely, and old and gray,
A woman walked tn a Northern town,
And through the crowd as she wound her
way
One saw her loiter and then sloop down.
Putting something away In her old torn
gown.
"You are hiding a jewel," the watcher
said.
(Ah, that wan her heart had the truth
been read!)
"What have you stolen?" he asked again.
Then the dim eyes filled with a sudden
pain,
And under the flickering light of the gas
Bhe showed him hergleanlr g. "It's broken
glass,"
She ald: "I has !'.:ted It up frae the
street,
To be oot o' tbj road o" the batrnlea feetl"
Under the fluttering rags astir
That was a royal heart that beat!
Would that the world had more ilke her
Smoothing the road for Its balrnit s' ieet!
V ill H. Ogllvle, in Spectator.
Growth.
The summer brought me flowers fair and
frngrantf
Sweet, fragile things that perished long
ago;
Yet in my life perchance they wrought a
blessing
Greater than I may know.
For so Invisibly our lives are molded
The rainbow s tint, the color of a flower,
God s messengers of beauty and of prom
ise, Labor with subtle power.
They touch us, and the soul grows ever
sweeter.
We dream not of their influence divine;
But He who sends them marks the image
fashioned
Within your life and mine.
C. E. Bancroft, In Youth's Companion.
The Rich Man.
He had a gem of wondrous light
Whose rays would pierce the darkest night,
"Kxpf.rlence" his Jewel.
He purchased it with blood and tears.
The sacrifice of whs ted years
And with privations crueL
Before hi mortal race was run
He tried to give It to his son;
'Twao scornfully rejected;
He tried to give It to the world.
But every lip derisive curled
And none the gift respected.
He had some gold its cost was small,
A market's fleeting rise or fall,
A cheaply bought concession;
The harpies gathered round his bed.
Before his final breath had sped
And fought to gain possession.
Klaine McLandburgh Wiison, in N. T.
Bun.
Joy and Trouble.
Trouble waits at every door, always, day
and night,
Boldlv, loudly knocking, or crouching out
of sight.
When the icy blast goes by, when sweet
breezes blow,
Always there a demon waits, bold or
crouching low!
Joy but seldom stops to knock when he
does beware:
Let him In. but don't forget Trouble crouch
ing there!
Ope the door for Joy, but watch always,
lest you nnd
That while Joy was passing in Trouble
sneaked behind.
3. E. Kiser, in Ch.cogo Times-Herald.
Cold Comfort.
A soft gray cloud looked down and said:
" Tls at1. In this frosty ulr.
That hlle the children are clothed in red
The poor old eanh goes bare!"
i
So kindly she sent a blanket down
In frathery flakes of white;
It driftt-d all over the little town.
And tucked it up fur the night.
Urace L. Hill, in Youth w Companion.
A Frown A frralle.
'Twas Just a cross, impatient look,
No spoken word, and yet
It crushed a htart of tenderness
And nittde an sjeliJ wet.
'Ta Just a tender glance and smile.
It drove away the gloom.
Ami chet-ks once wan and pallid
Like summer rodt-H bloom.
Willis Brown, in Kam i Horn.
Ha rbur.
Full many a, noonday nook I know
Wnere Memory is fain to go
nd Walt In hllence till tht HiiaJe
Of bleep the boiitude invade;
For there the resting places are
Of Dreams that, Jou-yliig afar,
IJufib In thulr moratory I'ikIu
1ms si. le the continent, of N:ght
-Jwtn JLi. Tabb, iu ths Atlantic. ..4..'
Makes a Clean Sweep
There's nothing like doing a thing
thoroughly. Of all the shIfcs you
ever heard of, Buckten'M Arnica
Salve u the bent. It sweeps away
nnd cures burns, soren, bruises, cuts,
Imh.Ih, ulcers, fikiu eruptions and
piles. It's only 25o, and guaranteed
to give Hntisf.-ictionj by all druggists.
AdverCiaO IU th3 i'ltttd,
IIOOG'S FUNERAL.
BY W . I, FniT.
Ths Howeraville Jirs Hand got Its
;h t public eng 'lenient w hen old
in ;i n Ho, iff died. It is not di -respectful
to reler to the late Jnmented as "old
m;in Hocg." for he has been thus culled
every t,iy for tiie forty years preceding
fin death, and, as he owned about half the
rented hou-e in Bower v die, and took fur
nitute where he could not g-l the money
for rent, the appellation was not one of
love and esteem by any menus. I ut he had
money, and he was to havfe a fine funeral. 1
When a man may have a brass band at his
fonenil he may be paid to have echirved
nine sort of success in life. And when he
i. going to have such a bund as the Bowers
viHt biiis tme at that ceremony, there are
going to he Mid features connected with it.
Mr. Iloog engaged the bund herself. She
di-puted wit It Hei r Spleinfutz over the
price for some time, but at lat they agreed
on a figure. Then Mrs. Iloog looked over
the mueie of the band. It wn arranged by
numbers. That is, "No. 1," as the band
master would call for it, would be "Hail
to the i hief,"' for instance. . For conven
ience sake, the lender always told hitmen
to piny "Number'' -o aiid-eo. Mrs. Iloog
selected the folio witig pr gt a mme :
Dead March iu Saul, t To be plaved while
procrs-ion Ictvci tiie hoii'-e.)
Chopin's Funeral March, (To be played
after entering the cimrrh, the band re
ma it. ir:g ou!.Mi!e.)
"Flee as a Bird." (March to the ceme
tery. )
"Near.-r, My God, to Thee." (At the
rentf lei y. i
"Tiie Sweet By-and-Bye." (To be played
coming home.)
Now, it chanced that Ilerr Spleinfutz
could not read Knglish very well, so iie sub
mitted the programme to the editor of the
Mowervdle Clarion, who was not indulging
in any unconcoiable grief over the taking
away of old man Hoog. The editor had been
evicted from his former office, nko from his
residence, because The Clarion did not
bring in enough money to meet thedemands
of Iloog. When he saw the programme he
said:
"Say, this isn't written very plain. Bet
ter let me fix it up for you, and give you the
number nf the M-lections, so you'll get
everything straight."
"ChooMt it' agreed Ilerr Ppleinfutz.
On the morning of the funeral the editor
handed the Ilerr the revised list of music,
with adjurations to play the numbers in
dicated, and to play them well.
Tiie weeping widow was musing over the
year of black drewses that was ahead of her
when t he bandi struck up the first number.
She gapped with astonishment when it
blared forth the opening bars of "When
Vou Ain't (Jot No Money, Why, You
Needn't Come Around!"
"Mercy!"' ehe whispered to the preacher.
"What" wrong with thnt band ? (io and tell
them to Mop that awful tune."
But tiie preacher was informed that the
mnie was in accordance with the orders of
Mrs. Iloog. and when Splcinfutf showed him
the programme, with the numbers plainly
writ Jen out, he retired from the argument
with a thrill of horror in his soul. And the
rollicking admonition to remain at a dis
tance w lien ti na nc ial 1 y em I ta rra ed gave
joy to the hearts of those who had known
and honored the dear departed in lite.
At the church the mourners and others
had fairly seated themselves, when from
the outside came the jingling cadence of:
A Little More Work for the Under
taker.
There was suppressed excitement and
much uneaeine-e in the church, but every
body seemed to realize the solemnity of
the occasion and-the band wa permitted to
play the mlectiun .".rough. But when the
mournful gathering came out to take up
the march to the cemetery there was a bale
ful glare from beneath the black veil which
hid the features of Mrs. Iloog. And, but for
the looks of the thing, she would have e-top
ped the funeral or jumped from thecamage,
when, far ahead of the hearse, the musicians
led off with:
"F'njoy Vour.-elves."
It was a ragtime drive to the little ceme
tery, and a wrathful whiow who stepped
trorn her carnage at trie end of that drive
But the band had considerately stopped at
some distance from the Iloog lot. and the
editor of the Clarion, a grim smile fighting
for mastery of his features, was lurking near
at hand, with his notebook ready for service
The disconsolate widow had to be supported
by several female fnemis, but she seemed
able to stand alone, and even to jump in the
air, ti they would let her go, when the band
roared iorth:
"Throw Him Down, McClusky!"
"For, by a strange coincidence, the un
dertaker's name was Francis McCiuskev
Tiie sudden onslaught of melodious advice
rattled hiin so that he had to lean against
a tombstone and conceal his features with
his hat. Then the band filed soberly from
the cemetery ami took up the homeward
march, their feet lightened by the strains
ot:
"You'll Ot All That's Coming to Yon."
Mrs. Hoog's carriage passed the band on
fast trot before it had gotten fifty yards
from the gate, but Herr Spleinfutz stuck
to his contract and played the tune all th
way to town.
That week's Clarion contained a beauti
ful account of the funeral and devoted some
twenty lines to expatiating upon the
"timely and appropriate music, which was
selected by the sorrowing relict of the high
ly esteemed deceased."
But Ilerr Spleinfutz has discovered that
the last tune on the programme was far
from prophetic, and now he i wiirg Mrs.
Iloog for the amount of his bill N. Y.
Tunes.
Wasn't Aeqnalntd.
"Waiting in the hank directly in front of
me a a charming woman of 'JO or so who
was having her first experience in banking,"
aid the merchant as he lighted his c;gar
alter luncheon, reiates the -New York Time.
"She was a-ked the questions usual for oi.e
who is opening an account; her name, d
dress, whether married or single, and her
father's ami mot tier's name. Stie got along
an r:jnt until the clerk asked:
" 'Mother's maiden name, please?"
" 'I don't quite understand, I'm afraid,
she said, hesitatingly.
'I m-an your mother's name when the
was a girl, explained the clerk.
" 'How should I know? 1 don't like im
pertinence, u-ir! How should I know? I
didn't know her when she was a girl. The
idea! Are you trying to make fun of me,
ir:
'ood for Thoiht.
Miss M nine M.Ilion (showing her dm
m onus )l 1! never want for bread. whUs i
have these.
Mi.' Cau&tique (after Iwuking at them)
Or tor pastry, either, I imagine. Cleve
land Leader.
Advanced ideas are not necessarily ad-
vtneed in the right direction. Puck.
iiftV& in-rTWiWfuHnil TT I n" ffta i nftnnnf Hllftunflii " flit lilt
Uur Ice icini lifil t! we lull. Any out acudiiiii
kkeuu ud (K-Hiiitiou oi auy luvcntioii will
pioioplly rerrne our opinion free cout-eruing
the Vvitcul.tlahty ot tiaiiie. " linw to Uotaiu a
W-eut" fcelH U'-nn ie.juct. liteii;s ftecuied
hiuuh iim attlvei u.-ei. lur .ile at our expeu.te.
luteins tcikco out tlinjuk: ti us re eive rciij
MiMn , v u hunt ch.tt ye, in Tub fAih. t it tio.:u,
an il lui i si i l i mikI v. ivirly tir. u laltrd jum it-!,
coii.tt. lu il lv M.iU'tfiii Un -t s and luvtiun
bead tor Miiii.-.c FMta. AJdicwi,
VICTOR J. EVANS 4i CO.
lu(ea( Atturacjr,)
Evara Building, WASHINGTON. 0 6
J7T
mm
mm
When
Wo arc now lo
cated at tho corner
of Front and Sussex
Streets.
KANE,
Telephone
HOST
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Etc. etc.
LOTS OF GOODS SUITABLE FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
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THE
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Call P J. 184.
The Iqvj York
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Isarmtlotml lllltistmtod nirrleulttirni wpokly for fiirmwrg
nod their (ainillcs, nnd stands nt tho hend of tho ARricul
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It la entiTtnlnliiK, lntructivo nnd practically tmoful
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Tho retrular price Is $1.01) per year, but for n limited
time we will re elvo your subscription for THK NEW
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