%e¢
LUI
© 8
$7
7
The Dallas Post
Dallas, PA Wednesday, September 25 5°
| by Paul Rismiller
It's taken me longer than ever
before to come to my decision about
the eventual winner of this year's
presidential election. This is mostly
due, I believe, to the early, zombie-
like tone of the Dole campaign,
and the slippery nature of the in-
cumbent.
When I was attending Laurel
Park Elementary in Reading, PA, |
disagreed with almost all my class-
mates about who would be the
winner of the Humphrey-Nixon
race in '68.
I picked Nixon and turned out to
be correct, not because I knew
anything about politics at such a
young age, but because I paid at-
tention to what the adults around
me, voters & non-voters alike, were
Saying
«I've picked the winner of every
presidential election since then,
even when I voted for, and some-
times even worked on the cam-
paigns of the losers. And my meth-
ods haven't changed sincel was 10
- 1 simply listen to people talking.
And the people I've overheard
talking, while they aren't thrilled
with Bob Dole's candidacy, and
some express concern with his age,
actively loathe Bill Clinton.
"They aren't buying his Dick
Morris- -inspired "triangulation"
strategy...
“They were actively insulted with
the'talk at the Democratic conven-
tion that Clinton will "fix" the Wel-
fare Reform act he signed after his
re:election...
_ «They were appalled by the prom-
ise-a-mile train trip to Chicago
(someone figured out that Clinton
promised to spend $2 million a
mile)...
ILIBRARY
By NANCY KOZEMCHAK
“fhe Back Mountain Memorial
Library has received grant money
to purchase new reference mate-
rials’ through the Wilkes-Barre
District Center. Books have been
purchased in the areas of Law,
Medicine, Science, Business and
Ready ‘Reference.
* The new titles include the fol-
lowing: Purdens-labor laws, do-
mestic relations and deeds and
_ mortgages. Barron's Guide to Law
Schools; Directory of Foreign
Manufacturers; Black's Medical
Dictionary; The Consumer Pro-
tection Manual; World Wide
Chamber of Commerce Directory;
Hallwell’s Film Guide; Franchise
Annual Best's Key Rating Guide;
PSU Sbsarsinry open
for eclipse Sept. 26
Here's your last chance this
century to view a total lunar
eclipse! The phenomenon will
take place Sept. 26 beginning
around 8 p.m. To learn more
about this event, and to get a good
view, the Penn State Wilkes-Barre
Campus invites the community to
come to the Friedman Observa-
tory on the campus in Lehman
that evening beginning at 7:30.
“For more information call the
campus at 675-9278.
Evangelical :
_¥ Free Church
45 Hildebrandt Rd., Dallas
wr 675-6426
Sunday Worship Service
9am & 10:30 am
“Nursery provided for all services
“A Church that cares
Fellowship
about you"
8 HAIR TRANSPLANT
-# Free Consultation
J Micragrais & (enter
«Minigrafts
.®.Low Introductory
Rates EVYNTE NSA 0)
Just North of Scranton
1-800-424-HAIR
He's fallen and he can get up .
Bob Dole will win in November
And noone, even the few Clinton
backers I've talked to, believe these
absurd 20% + poll numbers...
I've mentioned media bias more
than once before in this column,
and it's getting thick out there.
One local daily newspaper has been
bending over backwards to an al-
most laughable degree in an effort
to show Dole's a dead duck.
What these bright lights fail to
understand, is that such nonsense
tends to create a backlash. That's
why C-Span, PBS, and, to a lesser
extent, CNN coverage of the con-
ventions creamed the networks -
people wanted to hear what the
speakers had to say, not what the
mainstream press thought about
it. (As an aside, 1 watched the
conventions on PBS, and I must
say, they did an excellent job. They
stuck mostly to the speakers, and
when they did have panel discus-
sions, they were balanced, re-
strained, and best of all, short!)
It's obviously an uphill fight for
Bob Dole, taking on not only the
incumbent, but the press, the late
night talk show hosts, the Holly-
wood liberals, the unions, elc., etc.
But Bob Dole is a fighter if noth-
ing else. He is a man of high honor,
and despite hearing otherwise from
press and pundits, character does
matter. (Clinton may not have any
convictions - but his [riends do -
federal convictions.) And in his
wife, Elizabeth, (the anti-Hillary)
and his running mate, Jack Kemp,
Dole has two potent weapons.
He also has a lot of rank and file
Fraternal Order of Police members
hopping mad at their national lodge
for endorsing Clinton /Gore. Not to
mention members of the Armed
Forces who can't stomach their
Commander in Chief.
But when it comes down to the
wire, it won't matter if Bubba has
a steamer trunk full of endorse-
ments, a 20 point lead in the Gallup
poll, and a forged note from God.
Bob Dole will be the next Presi-
dent of the United States of
America.
And as his first official act, I'd
like to see him stick that pen he
always carries into the neck of our
very own Congressman, Paul
Kanjorski. "Like horses, we should
take (the Republican Congress) out
and shoot it," said Big K. (Where's
awhacko bunny-hugger when you
need one?)
Nice talk from an arrogant
spendthrift who enjoys backroom
deals (such as the mysterious
"Earth Conservancy”) and goofy
projects (inflatable dams indeed!)
If Kanjorski's ego gets any bigger
we can use it to stop up the
Susquehanna, and save the tax-
payers millions.
The crack came after the House
Government Reform and Oversight
Committee accused the Clintons
ofa massive cover-up in Travelgate.
True to form, the Demagogues,
er, Democrats, screeched
"McCarthyism" and stomped out.
And if the Republican Congress
is so bad, Big K, why is your Presi-
dent claiming credit for their ac-
complishments? Hum?
°
It was such a blast writing about
the 30th Anniversary of Star Trek
in my last column, but any break
from politics is a relief, particu-
larly during presidential election
season.
After writing about Kanjorski,
Richard "My eyes should be brown"
Gephardt, Leon "the Weasel"
Panetta, David "B.S" Bonior, and
of course, the Big Bubba, I can't
help but feel soiled.
°
And speaking of soil, it wasn't
an accident that Bill Clinton trans-
formed 1.7 million acres of coal
rich land in Utah into national
monument land in a ceremony held
at the Grand Canyon in Arizona.
No accident, because the folks in
Utah are righteously P.O.'d at the
Prez for this land-grab.
It's also no accident that Utah
happens to be solidly Republican.
But he wouldn't do that...would
he?
Handy new reference books
are now available at library
Property Casualty; Patients Guide
to Medical Tests; Federal Health
Information Source; Columbia
University College of Physicians
and Surgeons; The New Child
Health Encyclopedia; The Com-
plete Guide for Parents; and Haz-
ardous Chemcials Desk Refer-
ence.
The Back Mountain Memorial
Library is a member of the Wilkes-
Barre District Library Center.
Other libraries throughout
Luzerne County received grant
money as well. Another addition
to the library's reference depart-
ment is The Britannica Encyclo-
pedia on CD-ROM. This pur-
chase was made possible through
memorial donations.
New books at the library:
“Cadillac Jukebox” by James Lee
Burke is a novel of the powerful
and the powerless in the New
South—To the people of Iberia,
Aaron Crown's ways are the stuff
of “poor white piney-woods folk-
lore”.
“Turnaway” by Jesse Browner
is the story of an unchartered
island between the Bronx and the
tip of Manhattan. It is inhabited
solely by an elderly German-Jew-
ish doctor and his young ward,
Elias. A shipwreck occurs.
“Manhattan Nocturne” by Colin
Harrison is the story of Porter
Wren, a columnist for a New York
City tabloid. He digs through the
detritue of New York's most
horridic murders and sensational -
crimes, looking for a new twist.
“Biggest Elvis” by P.F. Kluge is
about another King, another
Graceland, another chance...a
dozen years after Elvis Presley's
death in Memphis, a man galva-
nizes the sailors and bar girls at
the U.S. Naval Base in the Philip-
pines.
,
‘Steven's
Steven's
Hours:
Town & Country Cleaners
Country Club Shopping Ctr. * 675-0468
QUALITY
DRYCLEANING
A member of the International Fabricare Institute,
- - wie .
x the association of professional drycleaners and launderers.
Same Day Service - Monday - Saturday
in by 11:00 ready by 4:00 - Available by Request.
Shirts Laundered - Draperies and Household Items
Alterations - Wedding Gown Specialist
Fine Dry Cleaning
Pick Up & Deliveries Available in Dallas & Kingston Area
Town & Country Cleaners
675-0468
Monday - Friday 6:30 AM. - 7 P.M.
Saturday 8 A.M. - 6 P.M.
Country Club Shopping Ctr. * Route 309 Dallas
The Professional Edge, The Personal Touch
N)
J
Jack Hilsher
CEN-TE-NAR-I-AN - noun -
person who is 100 years old or
more. The best known American
to reach this pinnacle was come-
dian George Burns. Not your
normal centenarian, he used to
get younger as he grew older, and
a nation rooted for him to make it.
* It may be a misnomer to call
him a comedian. After starting
out in vaudeville as a combina-
tion of hoofer-singer-actor, he then
became a “straight man” to a co-
medienne named Gracie Allen.
Actually his show biz career
began at the age of eight, when he
sang in a quartet at a Presbyte-
rian church. His sense of humor
was by then fully developed, for
he told his mother, “Ma, I've been
a Jew for eight years and I never
got anything. I was a Presbyte-
rian for one dayandI gota watch.”
Burns always added a kicker:
“Three days later, the watch
stopped. I became a Jew again.”
The Burns and Allen duo was
able to adapt to the changes in
entertainment media and were
hugely successful in vaudeville,
then radio, then TV. Burns him-
self, after Gracie retired for heatlh
reasons, went on to be even more
successful as an Academy-award
winning movie star and a top head-
liner in TV and night clubs. He
also authored a number of best-
sellers.
Of his late-in-life triumphs he
said, “By the time I found out I
Centenarian George Burns
wa
— one tough act to follow
had no talent, 1 was too big a star
to do anything else.”
Gracie Allen had an improb-
able comedic talent, and her com-
bination of sweetness and
daffiness immediately endeared
her to audiences. Burns recog-
nized this early on and had the
smarts to sublimate himself to
feeding Gracie lines and let her
get most of the laughs.
To the present generation, used
to the hip and rapid repartee on
modern sitcoms, the audiences
who made Burns and Allen such
smash hits in the 20s and 30s
would seem to have been rather
easy to satisfy.
Would, for example, this bit of
typical dialog from a Burns and
Allen script, send today's audi-
ence into howls of delighted laugh-
ter? (It did back then.) Let's see:
GEORGE: This family of yours.
Did they all live together?
GRACIE: Yes, my father, my
uncle, my cousin, my brother,
and my nephew used to sleep in
one bed and my -
GEORGE: I'm surprised your
grandfather didn’t sleep with
them.
GRACIE: He did. But he died
and they made him get up.
Or this:
GEORGE: Did the maid ever
drop you on your head when you
were a baby?
GRACIE: Don't be silly George,
We couldn't afford a maid. My
mother had to do it.
After this got a laugh, they
would pause, and George would.
give the audience that dead-pan
look of his and the laughs would
start all over again. This was
smooth, polished material, and
got them $300 per week when
that was really big bucks.
After Gracie passed on, Burns
floundered for awhile, lost with-
out the only true love of his life. To
continue in show business he had
to forget 30 years of feeding
straight lines to his partner of a
double act. He had to become a
solo comedian, and breaking -in
his act in 1959 at the Sahara
Hotel in Végas, he was not exactly
a smash.
But that didn’t last. In the next
decade, and the one after that,
after being the oldest person to
have triple by-pass surgery, Burns
became a top movie star with the
“Sunshine Boys,” “Oh God!” (which
made over 100 million) and “Oh
God! Book Two.” i
He went on to become a single
headliner all over, and a big part
of his act was the “patter” songs
he would always slip in. They
were fascinating, so superbly done
with so much of the Burns charm,
that one was hardly aware of the
words. Sort of “spoken to rhythm”
more than sung, here is typical
favorite: 4
“Oh, I forgot the number of my
house the last time I went out/I
forgot the number of my house:so
for hours I roamed about/So I've
unscrewed the number from the
door and I've got it here tonight/
All I've got to find is the door that
it belongs to/Then I'm all right.”
So...maybe we were easily
pleased, but I'm glad I lived dur-
ing the reign of this great cente-
narian. They say science is mak-
ing it possible for there to be more
of them each year.
But they won't ever make an-
other one like George Burns,
Q: Where do you find the most Back Mountain news each week?
A: Only in The Dallas Post.
Se 1
WEIGHT?
-
1 WEEK FREE ! 1
Visit our facility and receive a Gift :
Certificate for a Week of Fitness.
Don't forget to bring a friend!
Not Good With any other Offers.
Offer expires 12/31/96
FEEL OVER-
1
}
I
ErNIESS ©
FEEL OUT OF
SHAPE?
THAT'S O.K.!
MUSCLES.
Exercise in a comfortable
AT ERNIE'S WE'RE NOT
ABOUT LEOTARDS &
atmosphere where you're accepted
regardless of your physical condition
and feel great about yourself!
Fitness Club
Route 309, Dallas
(next to Treat Ice Cream),
674-2420
dl Freel*
* Now, buy a Pella® Designer Series™ SmartSash® window with
your choice of factory-installed Slimshade® blinds, pleated shades,
or grilles. Buy a second SmartSash® window and get the blinds,
shade or grille of equal or lesser value...free!
See us today for these special “buy one, get one free” savings.
And be sure to check with us if you need help with installation.
Don’t delay...this money saving offer definitely ends
October 12th!
Some size and product restrictions apply. Offer good at participating locations.
Never before such outstanding savings
on Pella® Windows!
The Pella
‘Window
She Fra) Store
. Buy One Between-Gilass oy
~ Option, Get the Second
Located one block past Mundy Street on Route 309
239 Spring Street
WILKES - BARRE
823-7825
iy 5 .
Lda, Oey
Bow WE
ES i i a