BURNHAM é
by Larry Burnham
Bosh, humbug and balderdash! I'm
really worked up. I'm really upset.
I'm severely aggravated. It’s become
so bad that I’ve been forced to at-
tempt to get in touch with my local
F.T.D. representative. Rut I can’t
even find out who is my }ocal F.T.D.
representative. Can you fathom that?
I have hadit! I called every number
in the phone book listing F.T.D., but
all I got were flowers, Flowers!’ Can
you believe it? Sympathy but no
action.
“Hello, can I help you?”
“I don’t know.”
“You'd like some flowers?’
“I don’t want any flowers, lady, I
want some action.”
“Pervert!”
Why did they put F. T. D. in the
phone book if they wanted to sell
stupid flowers?
What's F.T.D., you ask? You mean
you don’t know either? I can’t stand it.
F.T.D. stands for Frustrated and
Totally Disgusted. I am, and I'm
looking for an F.T.D. representative
to gripe to. There must be one in the
area, for I know there are thousands
of others who feel as I do now
sometime during the year (HONK, if
you're F.T.D.). You can never find
those representatives when you need
them.
Everything is going wrong. My car
has kronchitis. I have a dishwasher
that leaves my dishes looking like my
front lawn. I can chill beer in my
tapped into my well. Can you see
where I'm coming from?
And would you like to know what
really has me crazy? Would you care
to find out what has me toasted and
buttered? Shall I digress into that
which has me most pevishly piqued?
Do you want to know what has me
frustrated and totally Hisgusted above
all else?
LEAVES!
“Leaves?” 0a
That’s right. Leaves. Leaves make
me mad. All year ‘round you get this
big buildup about the fall leaves. All
year it’s, ‘‘Wait until fall when all the
leaves turn. What a beautiful sight it
will be!”
Humbug! They turn colors because
they're dying. You'd turn clors if you
were dying, too. And do you know
what they do when they're dead?
Cash and carry sale of
school furniture and other
educational materials will
be held at the Noxen
Elementary School on
Saturday, Nov. 4, 9 a.m. to
noon.
chairs (National Youth
Corp.); two large wood
chairs and two arm chairs
(Rt, hand).
Also one ‘small wood
' chair; two chairs; one old
office desk; one table; four
metal cabinets © with
shelves; one Underwood
typewriter; one small
record stand; assortment
‘Festival of
the Open
tities are limited and will
be sold “‘as is” to the first
come.
A list of materials to be
sold are four old fashion
school seats; 25 old fashion
school desks and seats; two
scales; two roll-away
beds; one green porcelain
top cabinet; two large
green office desks; five
Items will carry a sale
price but reasonable offers
may be accepted. Quan-
eo Sweaters eo Slacks
‘The Festival of the
Open Door, celebrating the
reopening of Wesley
Chapel, City Road, London
and the redeication of
worldwide Methodism to a
deeper ministry will be
held in the churches of the
Lehman Charge.
The Rev. Robert W.
Harris Pastor will share
his experience after at-
tending the actual
reopening in
There will be special music
at all services.
FASHION
y TIME
MANUFACTURER’ S OUTLET
Main Road, Fernbrook. Dallas
M thru F 11-6 Sat. 9-5
YOU BUILD A NEW
HOME SEE US!
Beautirul Italian and Oriental
Glazed Ceramic Tile
is being used for
Foyer, Kitchen and Bathroom
floors...
At the 10 a.m. service at
Idetown The Bell Tones
will lead the service,
sharing their witness in
song. At Idetown a covered
dish dinner will follow the
service.
Jeff Steinberg will be in
concert at “the Idetown
> ~
Church on Tuesday
. . evening Nov. 7 at 7:30 p.m.
*Highly decorative All are invited.
hy *Extremely Durable
The Lehman ad-
ministrative board will
meet to vote on the 1979
budget on Monday, Nov. 6
at 7:30 p.m.
The Idetown United
Methodist Women -will
meet on Wednesday, Nov.
8.
The World Community
Day service of Church
Women United will be held
at St. Stephen’s Episcopal
Church, Wilkes Barre at
1:30 p.m. on Nov. 3.
The Jackson U.M. is
sponsoring a pancake and
sausage supper on
Saturday, Nov. 4.
BLOCH BROTHERS INSURANCE
*Maintenance free when used with
complimenting color grout
*Hundreds of patterns available
DECORATIVE ITALIAN
TILE AS LOW AS 72 EACH
A Beautiful Display Can Be Seen At:
MODERN FLOOR SHOP
152 Horton St.
Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
AMFounce
with Pleasure...
our new
LIFE DIVISION
headed by our Life Specialist
PHILIP A. PLAKSIN
Mr. Plaksin brings to our new Life
Division “in-house” capability in a
\ number of areas of great importance
to all our clients:
o Individual Life Insurance
_o Estate Planning
© Business Insurance
© Pension and Profit Sharing Plans
© Employee Benefit Packages
© Tax Sheltered Programs for
Individuals and Businesses
You are encouraged to call our new Life Division and for all your insurance needs.
BLOCH BROTHERS INSURANCE
; 221 SOUTH MAIN STREET
WILKES-BARRE, PA. 18793
PHONE: 829-5151
HMMMM ? The same thing you'd do if
you turned dead - fall on the ground!
They fall on the road, on the roof, all
over the beautiful grass. No one gets
excited when the grass dies, and it
doesn’t cause any trouble after it
departs.
It’s really disgusting. There are
dar
of boxes of books; assort-
ment of blackboard slates
and three pictures.
Choice Top
ROUND STEAK
$1.79 ©
Fancy Center Cut
RIB CHOPS
$1.79 ».
Fancy Loin End
PORK ROAST
$1.49 bv.
I~
We Have
J
: CHESAPEAKE
E BAY
OYSTERS
Try Our Own
SCRAPPLE
Fancy Loin Half
PORK ROAST
$1.59 i.
Z LIVER PUDDING
HIE Grade A Large
ROASTING CHICKENS
79¢ iv
Fancy Lean
STEWING BEEF
31.49
ord pt
irr
Campell’s Chunky Steak & Potato
SOUP 190. 69° | | TOMATOES
Campbell's Chunky Vegetable & Beef L Tender Leaf
SOUP 1902. 69° | TEA BAGS
New Puritan | Fleischmann’ s
oiL 200 1,651 MARGARINE
| Nabisco Premium
; |
Franco American Nabisco Graham
SPAGHETTI
16 oz. nlf? 1!
Franco American I Milkman Mix
SPAGHETTIOS
leaves® everywhere {oheept on the
trees where they belong). They follow
you into the house, you find them in
the refrigerator, riding with you in
your car, stuck in your coat sleeve,
wedged in your ear, just everywhere.
Somebody has to do something about
all these leaves.
Perhaps we could do something
modern and replace them all with
something synthetic. Sure. Rubber
leaves.
“Well, what are you doing up there,
Harry?”
‘Oh, just gluing on the fall leaves,
Gecrge.”’
Or we could devise some useful
purpose for all these leaves. Since
everyone's so darned crazy about
leaves, why not package them and sell
them as Christmas presents?
You could substitute many a dull old
Christmas gift with some clever leaf
replacements.
(H
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1
[08
NW
Kraft 12 oz.
*1.49
Kraft 32 oz.
Shurfine
PEAS
Mrs. T's
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DETERGENT
99
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BANANAS. ...5 us. *1.00
RED GRAPES . 2 i: *1.00
TOMATOES ° 3 cello pkgs. Md 00
BROCCOLI. ois o's e bunch 69°
California
CELERY. eo. siciis vi ev bunch 59
Red or Golden Delicious
APPLES ........ 0 39°
¢00000000000000000000000000000000000
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TOWELS DETIRGHY i
i J9 14 oz.
48 0z. btl Bottle
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CLEANSER
PAGE FIVE
“Oh boy. A box of maple leaves.
Dear, how did you know?’
Or perhaps:
“Harold, put on a coat and leaf.
We're going to church.”
Or even:
“Edgar, put on a clean pair of
leaves and get your shoes on."
Well, something has to be done.
Flaming foliage indeed. We should °
have more flaming foliage in the °
summer and we wouldn't have to put
up with all this fallen folliage in the
fall.
I’ll run for governor, that’s vvhat I'll
do. If elected I promise there’ll be less
the trees and less lying around on the
ground doing nothing.
promises I couldn’t keep. Then again
maybe that would get me elected. We
all know, leaves aren’t the only things
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