PAGE TWO
Pe ———______
BROADWAY AND MAIN STREET
Aunt Frieda Catches the Flu
But the Germ Turns on Charlie
By BILLY ROSE
For as long as I can remember, my Uncle Charlie has been
complaining of good health—not his own, mind you, but my Aunt
Frieda’s.
For 40 winters, to hear him tell it, he has been an easy mark for
colds, catarrhs ano rheumatic pains, while his wife has never developed
so much as a sniffle.
Last February, when I drupped in to see them at their Allen Street
flat, Charlie was in bed, runny-eyed and carmine-nosed.
“What gives!’’ I asked:
‘What always gives?’ said my
uncle. “Your aunt. loses the flu,
I find it. She’s got a constitutional
like a horse.”
Frieda was in the
kitchen warming up
a plaster. ‘Like a
pastrami sandwich
she treats me,” said
Charlie. “I'm all ov-
er mustard. Every
reasonable woman
lays down in bed
once in a while. But
not her — she won't
Billy Rose
,give me the satisfaction. . ..”
* 5 0»
MY FAVORITE relatives came
to this country around the time
Teddy Roosevelt was elected, and
the voyage over, according to Char-
lie, was the roughest in the history
of navigation. It took 23 days and
even the captain was seasick.
Frieda was the only one on board
who ate regularly, and she gained
an average of a pound a day. When
‘the helmsman took to his bunk—
still according to Charlie— it was
she who took the wheel. As for my
uncle, he spent the entire trip with
‘his head sticking out of, a porthole
land, the weather being what it was,
lit was a miracle he wasn’t drown-
ied.
Because of this apparent im-
munity to disease, Frieda bas
"always been one of the favor
ste daughters of the East Side,
especially when any of the neigh-
bors are ill. For years now,
she’s been carrying soub and
solace to their homes. tending
their kids and lecturing fami-
ly doctors on their therapeu-
tic shortcomings.
“Herself, she don’t get sick, but
to me she brings back the germs,”
is the way Charlie explains her.
* » -
A FEW DAYS AGO, however, my
uncle telephoned and, without both-
ering to suppress the triumph in his
voice, said, ‘Frieda is flat like a
pancake, She’s got a flu, with com-
plications yet.”
‘“T'll send my doctor down,” I
said, “and I'll be around in the
morning.”
But when I walked up the three
flights to their apartment the fol-
lowing day, the door was opened by
an obviously in-the-pink Frieda.
“What are you doing out of bed?”
.My aunt motioned me in, and in
the bedroom, propped up on pillows
as usual, was Charlie.
“What happened?”
“What should bappen?” said
Frieda. “Your uncle got over-
heated running up and down
the stairs like a chicken.
“I thought you had the flu.”
“Ob, that” said Frieda. “1
fixed it with a guggle-mug-
gle.”
For the benefit of the uninitiate,
a ‘‘guggle-muggle’’ is an old East
Side remedy composed of warm
milk, egg, honey, cinnamon and
whiskey.
“Wish your uncle happy returns,”
said Frieda. “It’s his birthday.”
‘Yea, it’s my birthday,” groaned
Charlie, ‘““and for a present she
gave me her flu.”
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THE POST, FRIDAY, OCTOBER 13, 1950
“II THE pALLAS POST YOU KNOW ME
Poet's Corner “More than a mewspaper, Al Hix
BS 8B || a community institution” ’ imsel
GOD’S PAINTBRUSH
Who would doubt there is a God
In this or any land?
While here before us all unfolds
The magic of His hand.
Just looking at the hillsides
At the beauty of the trees
Instills in me a feeling
To get humbly on my knees.
And give thanks to God for giving
Me a pair of eyes to see
The beauty of the different hue
Of each and every tree.
He seems to send this message
In their colors scattered there
“Be grateful that you have two
eyes
To view their beauty rare.”
—Miriam Herbert Williams
THE NEWEST STAR
(Dedicated to
Mrs. William Burnaford)
When heaven's evening curtains
Draw close across the sky
And daylight's dying brillance
Is hid from human eye.
When peace descends upon us,
When ceases toil of day,
God lights his lovely star gems
To brighten heaven's way.
To-night a new star sparkles,
Its glory streams afar,
For she who walked among us
Is that new brilliant star.
That happy, joyous spirit
We knew and loved so dear
Will twinkle on forever,
So far and yet so near.
So like a brilliant beacon
When night obscures the day,
She watches without ceasing
And guides upon their way
The little ones she cherished
With loving, tender care
And guards with heaven’s blessing,
Their footsteps everywhere.
—By Mrs. Fredric Anderson
Tour of Farms Is
Set For Wednesday
Susquehanna County Soil Con-
servation District has set next
Wednesday for a county-wide soil
conservation tour. The tour will
start from in front of American
Legion Hall, Montrose at 10 A. M.
Interested persons from adjoining
counties are invited.
THINK AGAIN!
“This morning the barber
while snipping MY
locks ;
Confided he likes the
utility stocks.
The waiter this moon as he
plunked down my pie
Advised that the airlines
are hot stuff to buy.
—Courtesy, Francis W.
Hatch in the Herald
Tribune.
Don’t be carried away by
“hot tips” from the butcher
and baker and candlestick
maker.
Think twice before you
cash your War Bonds to
buy dubious investments or
goods of A doubtful quality.
If you sacrificed to buy
Bonds during the war, in-
sure your sacrifice by safe-
guarding your savings now.
Keep your Bonds, main-
tain your life insurance;
and build up a savings
account for emergencies, and
for all the things you really
need.
Such a program will be a
personal contribution against
inflation and an assurance
of your continued financial
health.
9, KINGSTON |
NATIONAL BANK
AT KINGSTON CORNERS
goOUNDED 1898
Member Federal Deposit
Insurance Corporation
ESTABLISHED 1889
Member Pennsylvania Newspaper
Publishers’ Association
A non-partisan liberal
progressive newspaper pub-
lished every Friday morning
at the Dallas Post plant
Lehman Avenue, Dallas
Pennsylvania.
Entered as second-class matter at
the post office at Dallas, Pa., under
the Act of March §, 1879. Subscrip-
tion rates: $2.50 a year; $1.50 six
months... No subscriptions accepted
tor less than six months. Out-of
state subscriptions: $3.00 a year;
$2.00 six months or less. Back
issues, more than one week oid, 100
Single copies, at a rate oi 6c each,
can be obtained every Friday mom
ing at the following newsstands:
Dallas— Tally-Ho Grille, Bowman's
Hestaurant; Shavertown, Evans’
Drug Store; Trucksville—Gregory's
Store; Shaver's Store; ldetown—
Caves Store; Huntsville— Barnes
Store; Alderson—Deater's S8tore;
Fernbrook-—Reese’'s Store.
When requesting a chauge of ad
dress subscribers are asked to give
their old as well as new address.
Allow two weeks for changes of ad-
dress or new subscription to be placed
on mailing list.
We will not be responsible for the
return of unsolicited manuscripts,
photographs and editorial matter un-
less. self-addressed, stamped envelope
is enclosed, and in no case will we
be responsible for this material for
more than 30 days.
Nationa! display advertising rates
68c per column inch.
Local dispiay advertising rates 50c
per column inch; specified position 60c
per inch.
Classified rates Sc per word.
Minimum charge B50c.
Unless paid for at advertising rates,
we can give no assurance that an-
nouncements of plays, parties, rummage
sales or any affairs for raising money
will appear in a specific issue. In no
case will such items be taken on
Thursdays.
Preference will in all instances be
given to editorial matter which has not
previously appeared in publication.
Editor and Publisher
HOWARD W. RISLEY
Associate Editor
MYRA ZEISER RISLEY
Contributing Editor
MRS. T. M. B. HICKS
Sports Editor
WILLIAM HART
ONLY
YESTERDAY
From The Post of ten and
twenty years ago this week.
In The Dallas Post Ten years ago,
October 11, 1940
Dallas Borough High School was
emptied in 44 seconds, Grade
School in 33, after the sounding of
a fire alarm by officials of Dr.
Henry M. Laing Fire Company.
Chief Leslie Warhola was pleased
with results. There was no fore-
warning of the drill. Lehman
school emptied in 53 seconds, a rec-
ord for 411 students.
Huntsville Christian Church will
observe its 96th Anniversary next
week. Its hand-hewn. timbers are
still staunch and sturdy after al-
most a century of service.
All men who have reached the
age of 21 and have not reached
the age of 36, will register on
Wednesday for the draft. Schools
will be closed for the day so that
the faculties may assist in registra-
tion.
Miss Virginia Allen became the
bride of Frederick C. Swanson on
Tuesday afternoon. Rev. David
Morgan and Rev. John R. Albright
officiated. ©The couple . left for
Niagara Falls and the New Eng-
land States after the ceremony.
They will make their home upon
their return with the bride's par-
ents.
The marriage of Miss Betty
Breckenridge to Thomas E. Cease
will take place tomorrow.
War is no reason. to stop build-
ing, says Attorney Peter Jurchak
when queried about the probable
effect of the war on home building.
In time of war a home is as sure
an investment as can be made,
adding to the feeling of security.
Europe's Blitzkrieg, he says, has
stimulated construction of homes
in the United States.
Dad and Mother are studying for
the Dallas Borough P. T. A. spelling
bee. Henry Peterson, P. T. A.
president, reports that the mothers
are lining up, but that the fathers
are holding back and will need
pressure applied to persuade them
to match their wits with their
wives.
“Back Mountain” leads the field
in the great name contest for the
Greater Dallas Area.
Burke's Bar-B-Cue
SUNSET
HARVEY'S LAKE
“at the sien of the flashing pig
DEeLncious BARBECUES
FisH and CHiPs
The home of the Ranchburger
Telephone H. L. 3756
Open All Year 'Round
\
aN
Well, here we are back after a
two weeks’ vacation. Don’t worry
we're not going to tell you about
it. But while fishing off the Jer-
sey coast we read the New York
City papers and got quite a laugh
out of the police investigation of
gambling graft. One judge says it
stinks to heaven. He must have
had something wrong with his
olfactory nerves because we could
smell that graft when we were
just a boy.
The first thing the new police
commissioner did was demote a
couple of hundred detectives to
uniformed police. It seems to us
that if those detectives were in on
the graft they should have been
fired, and if they weren't, a pro-
motion was in order. But that is
one of the crazy things done in
this world, but no crazier than
some of our BIG businessmen’s an-
tics in Wyoming Valley when they
complained a few nights ago to the
Chamber of Commerce about their
industrial fund’s chairman bring-
ing a shirt factory to town.
“You are taking our labor away
from us,” they yelled, “And we
are the second BIGGEST industry
in the valley.
“Here we train girls to do fine
needle work and all they do is
loaf, or go off and get married, or
go on relief.
“Bring some restaurants to town
and put cooks to work. Bring any-
thing but no more dress or shirt
factories please.”
Now we figure that these needle
work factory owners got themselves
into this jam. They have been
stealing each others’ help since they
first came to the valley. They omer
the help rest periods, coffee and
cake, radio music or anything that
will take a skilled laborer away
from someone else, They set up
this picture, so tney shoud be abie
to take thelr own medicine Wila-
out a squawk.
They remind us of the lawyer
who was defending a murderer of
his father and mother.
“You are not going to send this
poor orphan to the electric chair
are you?” he shouted to the jury.
Organized labor here has been
claiming for years that the coal
barons discourage the Chamber or
Commerce from bringing any other
industry because the mine owners
want their help to stay in the
mines. This has been denied by
both the mine owners and the
Chamber, but they never convinced
labor that it ‘wasn't true.
Now it comes out. Here is the
second BIGGEST industry (accora-
ing to them) in the valley shouting
that it wants no more needle WOrk
factories here as it wants to corner
the labor market.
The Chamber of Commerce ar-
gued with them. The Industrial
Fund Chairman argued with them.
A few private citizens argued with
them . BUT of all the arguments
we read in the Wilkes-Barre papers
we failed to see where anyone men-
tioned what the poor guy who is
out of work was thinking.
So we will tell them how fac-
tory owners can get all the help
they want and keep it without of-
fering coffee and cake, radio pro-
grams, or rest periods.
First: Pay their help about ten
dollars less a week than the same
class of worker receives in New
York City.
Second: Find homes for the
worker to live in, and we mean
homes where the rent will be no
more a month than their one
week’s salary. These third floor
$90 a month apartments have
driven too many of our workers
out of town to places where they
(Continued on Page Eight)
LOOK
For The Name
REALTOR
when buying or selling
real estate.
The principal interest
of a realtor is to see
that the transaction,
large or small, is com-
pleted in an intelligent,
ethical manner.
Your local realtor
D. T. SCOTT JR.
Dallas 224-R-13
D. T. SCOTT
and Sons
REALTORS
10 East Jackson Street
Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
WV Barnyard Notes
ee
CULTURAL NOTE | / 7?
There’s nothing that will bring a fellow dow fh tg earth quicker
than failure of the sewage system. Two he Norti Berti
and I dug up our whole line after some fool me C 1 ;0ld the women
folk that coffee grounds ‘were good for the kitchen sink drainpipe.
For a time the dishwasher gurgled sluggishly ont of the sink
under the influence of the coffee grounds; but eventually Granny's
patience gave out and, in desperation, he added si gans of Draino
to the concoction. That fixed the plumbing 8 such time as
Norti and I could take charge. The Draino met the coffee grounds
head on and the whole mixture solidified somewhere between the
place where the soilpipe went under six inches of concrete cellar
floor and its outlet in the sump—somewhere in the uncharted areas
beyond the chickenyard.
Operation “Sump” took a week of exploration and three days
of digging before we found the trouble in the angle where the soil
pipe sweeps from the edge of the barn in a due north direction
toward Toby's Creek.
That week was one of great apprehension and some self control;
but there was an air of triumph when Norti announced. “Now you
can take your red pills again, Granny.”
We thought of that episode again Saturday night at Dot and Ray
Hedden’s party. There we were plenty of people to chat with—
excellent food, wonderful hospitality, a beautiful home, when some
one whispered ‘the plumbing’s out of order.” That cleared the
mystery of why so many of the men had enjoyed Ray’s rock garden
and the beautiful evening sky.
Actually the plumbing system wasn’t at fault. The best plumb-
ing in the world won’t work when Dallas Water Company's wells go
dry. There's nothing to make you appreciate the joys of living
in the country more at such times than to have a good two-holer
in reserve or a few horse stables handy. That's another reason
why we'll keep the barn and let the rest of the world have its dusty
pink bathrooms.
These early fall nights, Myra worries about her geraniums that
have bloomed so brightly all summer in front of The Post. Evenings
just before quitting time, she gathers all hands around and has
them carried into the office to defeat Jack Frost.
But no geranium singing its swansong can compare with the two
red Maples that we can see in front of Clarence LaBar’s house from
our window. All season’s have their beauty and Jack Frost is not
to be denied.
MAYBE YOU’D HAVE LIKED IT
Heard a great commotion in the orchard Sunday morning and
went out to investigate. On a limb of the Sheepnose apple, a grey
squirrel scolded and flipped her bushy tail.
From behind the trunk of another tree the inquisitive nose, alert
ears and black eyes of a baby squirrel looked directly at us on the
rotting bench under the Baldwin. It was a game of hide-and-seek
as he stuck his nose from one side of the trunk, then the other.
Further up among the changing leaves another more timid baby
sprawled against the trunk camouflaged by the bark it hugged. We
tossed some nuts in the fallen leaves and the first fellow scampered
after them, heedless of his mother’s chattered warning.
The first of the nuts he buried under the VanFleet rose bush,
the second he carried down by the grapevines where Mike is buried;
but the third he ate as all good grey squirrels have a right to do.
Then unconcerned for the fellow on the bench he picked up a sheep-
nose,and nébbled around it, took g.drink opt of the bird*seth, made
a wide circle and came up behind us on the bench—while the two
others, hearts in their throats, watched him from their perches in
the trees.
We remained motionless for fear of frightening him. It was quiet
in the orchard except for the stream of Sunday traffic on Huntsville
Road.
There was a rhythmic pounding on the upper trunk of the Rusty-
coat where a downy woodpecker was having dinner. A baby rabbit
scurried from under the dogwood and shot the length of Murray
Scureman’s line to a haven under the forsythia.
Old Red, the rooster, crowded, in the chicken yard.
An endless line of cars, filled with people looking for something
* to do, hurried up and down Huntsville Road, oblivious of the drama
in our orchard. Reminded us of the days the cardinal sings from
the top of those maples while the world underneath scatters Love
Nest and chewing gum wrappers in our hedge, fixes automobile
tires, throws on screeching brakes on the knoll in front of Murray
Scureman’s house, and rushes on in search for something entertain-
ing. ’ :
Wish you fellows could have been there.
it.
Maybe, you'd have liked
JUST OPENING THEIR EYES
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precious calicos—just like their Mom.
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