DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEBODY. _
Do something for somebody, somewhere,
While jogging along life's road;
Help some one to carry his burden*
And lighter will grow your load.
Do something for somebody gladly,
'Twill sweeten your every care;
In sharing the sorrows of others,
Your own are less hard to bear.
Do something for somebody, striving
To help where the way seems long;
And the homeless hearts that languish
Cheer up with a little song.
Do something for somebody always,
Whatever may be your creed; —
There's nothing on earth can help you
So much as a kindly deed.
—Rev. J. S. Cutler, in Universalist Leader.
IT niQtlT
rwve BEEN.
An Unusual Story of a
Love Affair.
TWO figures came sauntering
across a Held. It wus hot
midsummer and the hay was
down. The woman looked like
one of the delicate blue butterflies hov
ering faithfully around the fading
meadowsweet. Her blue frock, blue
eyes and fluttering blue sunshade made
a pleasant touch of color.
The man gazed at her with passion
ate eyes. He had watched this frail,
fairy-like creature grow up at his side;
they had been close friends since child
hood, and to-day especially the old
recollections crowded to his mind.
"If you would wait for ine," he whis
pered, "I might make money In time.
I would work very hard and with you
at my side "
She clasped her small white hands
pleadingly; the blue veins showed
through them with painful distinct
ness.
"Don't, Dick, dear Dick, ever think
of it again! I am so fond of life! I
must live "
"You speak as if I had suggested
killing you," he said in an injured
tone.
"No, no. But you must undeystnnd.
I am so horribly delicate, It would
be madness for a poor man to marry
me. I always have to winter In tlio
South of France. I need luxuries; they
are a fatal necessity to my existence.
Y'ou want quite a dilferent wife."
"No, I don't!"
"Some one strong and capable."
"1 want you!"
His voice shook; his brow clouded
suddenly with the dark shadow of
despair.
"Oh, Dick," she murmured, "have I
hurt you so deeply?"
He answered almost roughly, and
though he looked at her, he could not
see her face for the mist before his
eyes.
"You misled me, Lily," he said; "un
consciously, no doubt, yet at times It
seemed you would not let me escape.
When I tried to go you asked me to
remain; you did not weigh the conse
quences. I was a toy in your hands.
If you had realized what you were do
ing, you might have spared me."
They had crossed the field and
reached a little iron gate Into Lilian's
garden. He opened it for her, stepping
back to let her pass.
"Won't you come in?"
The words rose naturally to her lips,
•giving color to his complaint—'"Y'ou
-asked me to remain."
"No," he replied sharply. "I am go
ing. Good-by.!'
"You have no right to bo angry; it
isn't as if I did not care."
"But you care so little."
Ills face had lost every vestige of
color; he trembled as he spoke.
J have always loved you," she de
clared; "but marriage is impossible.
Y'ou think me heartless, mercenary,
because I cannot face a life of poverty.
Men are very selfish; they expect so
much of women."
He took her lmnd silently, held it a
moment with eyes fixed on the ground
and then went back across the hay
slowly, under the glare of the hot mid
summer sun.
A year had drifted away, and again
It was midsummer.
"In the country," thought Lilian,
"the hay is down."
She was enjoying the manifold de
lights of a London season as the fiancee
of a man whom her parents explained
would make a most "desirable hus
band."
"Lilian will have everything she
wants," they told their friends. "She
can now look forward to a life of
perfect case and personal indulgence.
Wo always dreaded her marrying a
poor man."
"I must see Dick once more before
my wedding," she told herself. "Dear
old Dick!"
She thought the matter out, and her
desire for a sight of his face overcame
her better judgment. Strnnge she
should wish to stir to life those slum
bering memories! But somehow the
scent of last year's hay still lingered;
the midsummer sun glistened tempt
ingly upon the dainty curtains of her
boudoir.
As if a brain wave sped through the
air. at that same hour Dick, knowing
she belonged to another, pnced his
small room In Pimlico, and thought of
her. Lilian's photograph stood on his
writing table, a sad little face with
large eyes crowned by a halo of fall' |
fluffy hair.
"I must see her again," he said, "just
once before she is married."
He glanced at the clock. Perhaps he
might find her in the park, catch a
glimpse of her as she pased In her car
riage. He hated the fashionable world,
with Its lavish display of wealth and
grandeur; hut for a sight of Lilian he
mounted a humble omnibus and trav
led on it to Hyde Park Corner.
He felt certain she would be there,
and his heart warmed toward her
with a great longing.
"She is the victim of circumstances."
he told himself; "otherwise—'it might
have been!'"
A victoria containing a lady alone
drew up at the door of Dick's lodg
ings.
Lilian stepped out and nervously as
cended the steps. She knew she was
doing wrong.
"Is Mr. Urquhart at home?" she
asked nervously, conscious that her
voice faltered, and her cheeks grew
crimson as she put the question to a
stout landlady whose elephantine pro
portions blocked the doorway.
"No, miss; he went out about ten
minutes ago."
Lilian's face fell, a sense of bitter
disappointment stole over her, and
with it a longing to see the room Dick
had so recently vacated.
"May I write Ulm a letter?" she
asked, walking into the narrow pas
sage, and trying to speak unconcern
edly.
"Certainly, miss. This way." A door
was flung open and Lilian breathed
the atmosphere In which Dick had so
lately moved. She glanced at the scat
tered papers on his desk, and the faded
portrait of herself.
The landlady retired, closing the door
behind her.
"I can't write. I shouldn't know
what to say; hut I'll leave these lilies,"
unfastening her namesake flowers from
the soft chiffou of her dress.
Carelessly she let them fall to the
ground, as if by accident.
"He will find my lilies." she thought,
"and they will speak to him of me."
As the carriage containing its fair oc
cupant rolled away the landlady walked
wonderingly into the room Lilian had
invaded with her gentle presence.
"Dear me, it is untidy!" she mut
tered, stooping down to brush up some
tobacco on the carpet. "Lor! what
beautiful flowers, nil among the dust
and tobacco!"
She bore them In triumph to her
kitchen, and placed them In water on
the dresser.
The lilies lasted for some days, and
they looked very nice In the landlady's
vase.—New York News.
Letteri From the Dead.
There Is a youug widow In Brook
lyn who continues to receive letters
from her husband, although he has
been dead these many months. He
was a soldier, serving in the Philip
pines. On the oceas.on of the Moro
troubles in Mindanao last spring he
was sent to that Island, where, after a
few weeks, he was slain in an engage
ment, Tile War Department, having
received information by cable, soon
notified the widow, but the Postofflee
Department, with its few facilities for
handling mail in those far-off Islands,
had not yet delivered any of the many
letters lie had sent during his life
there. Since learning of his death she
has received many of these letters,
full of loverly hope and tender senti
ments, and they are still coming. Some
times she keeps them unopened for
days before she can summon courage
to face her loved one In the full vigor
of Ills glad young life; for every mes
sage that thus brings him back to her
renews the ineffable agony of her first
great loss. Yet, on the other hand, she
cannot, of course, suffer a word of Ids
to go unread. Poor little woman!
Hers is an inexpressibly sad lot-
Brooklyn Eagle.
BXndrrn Heroism.
It Is one of the compensations, per
haps the only one, of the awful and
needless tragedy at Westfleld that It
revealed at least two notable instances
of heroism that makes one feel proud
of his kind. One of these was the
dying and unknown hero who said to
the rescuers:
"Don't mind me. I'm done for. See
what you can do for some of the oth
ers."
The otliei'—and fortunately the world
now knows her name—ls Mrs. Hark
sen, who lives at the scene of the
wreck, who saw the frightful crash
and at once notified the Fire Depart
ment and then promptly turned her
home "Into a hospital, used her re
volver on two tramp ghouls, and was
a ministering angel to the dying and
Injured.
There are others worthy of grateful
memory for their bravery and devo
tion at the scene of disaster, but these
two—a man and a woman—proved
again that true chivalry and real hero
ism are not lost to the world.—New
York World.
Mere Opfnfon.
It is foolish to try to win a man's
good will by convincing him that he
doesn't know what ho is talking nliout.
If people could always stop talking
at the right time every one might be
a victor in the strife.
The difference between a fanatic
and a crank Is that the latter may
listen to reason if properly clubbed.
A woman need not fear that her
husband is drifting away as long us
she can get him to button her waist
down the back.
A poor excuse Is worse than none,
if it isn't believed.
Jewelry lintli charms to soothe the
womanly breast.
Nothing makes a woman so happy as
to see that her dearest friend Is get
ting wrinkled.—Chicago Record-Her
ald.
Heroism of Two Hens*
Following hard upon the story of
the setting hen that stuck to her nest
in a New Jersey barn while Haines
were devouring tlio building comes
one from Mount Vernon of a heroic
fowl that hatched out a brood of six
ehlelcs on the coldest day, her nest
being flanked on one side by a snow
bank and on the other by an ice-eoated
rock. Who will dare to say "chlckfu
heartcd" now?— New York Sun.
j fplfick jH i L
i i|Aj[dtentGre. j f
DOWN MOUNTAIN WITH BEAK.
FRITZ STEIN is a Pennsylvania
peddler known by every ono
on the road between his home
at Hackensack and Sbrnn
tou. ne carries in Ills red wagon box
everything from a darning needle to a
stove. Fritz was driving his sleigh
along the road down Pocono Mountain
near Manunka Chunk on a recent Fri
day at twilight, singing because of the
good sales of the day, when, with a
savage spring, his horse jumped Into
the all- and lurched forward.
Fritz's hair stood 011 end, for right
ahead, in a bend in the road, was a
huge black bear. The brute shambled
forward and struck at the horse, which
gave a sudden spring, twisted off the
thills, and went down the mountain at
a furious pace. The sleigh was loft
standing upon a knoll.
Fritz screamed in terror. He was un
armed, and he snw certain death ahead.
He leaped from the sleigh, tumbled
into the box in which he stored Jiis
stock, and fastened both doors. The
enraged hear attacked the sheep hides
on top of the sleigh and tore them
into shreds. Then he tried to tear off
the top of the box to reach Fritz, who
was holding the doors closed and ex
pecting every moment that the top
would break.
Then the unexpected happened. The
sleigh was standing in the deep,
smooth tracks made by the heavy sleds
of the lumbermen, and the terrific ex
ertions of the bear, with his added
weight, suddenly started the outfit
down the incline, shooting ahead with
frightful velocity.
The bear realized his danger and
growled as he crouched and clung to
the guard rails on top of the box.
Poor Fritz closed Ills eyes and braced
himself for tho shock which he well
knew would soon come. The road was
straight ahead for two miles. In the
middle of the mountain a farmer's
team pnlled to one side-just In time to
escape disaster and to see tho strange
outfit shoot by with tho speed of the
Black Diamond Express.
Near tho foot of the mountain is a
sharp bend In the road. There the
sleigh left the track, shot directly
across the road and colliding with it
huge pile of railroad tics.
Some hours later a sleighing party on
its way home from a country dance
encountered tile wreck. The bear was
jammed In between the sleigh and the
timber, fearfully mangled and quite
dead. Fritz was fished out of a huge
pile of snow and woolen goods, stunned
and lacerated. The sleigh was a wreck
and the goods were scattered among
tho snowdrifts.
Fritz was carried to a farm house,
where he received medical attendance.
In a day or two he discovered His
horse in a farmer's barn five miles
ahead, and he rode It to his Haeken
saek home.
LOGGING IN SWIFT CURRENT.
The past week has been favorable
for loaders and for planing mills, but
tho river has furnished a four-mile
current that swirled and formed
nround tho logways, and, worse still,
piled up logs In every imaginable posi
tion, drove some of them into the
wrong boom, right under the shears
and skins, while others took a dive,
went on through and out beneath the
boom logs at the lower end. In fact,
it has been several years since the
Hver drove by the mills in such haste,
although It has several times been
higher thnn It is at present- Boat cap
tains coming across Sabine Lake say
the north winds are driving the tides
from the coast, and that there is little
evidence in the depth on the bars at
the mouths of the Sabine and Neches
rivers or 011 Bluebuck bar of the great
flood that feeders are pouring into that
reservoir. One feature, however, that
Is clearly noticeable is the entire ab
sence of any brncklshness in the lake;
the water as far out as the lighthouse
at Sabine Pass, at the upper end of
tho jetties, is pure rain water. Whether
or not the deepening of tho channels at
Port Arthur and at Sabine Pass has so
facilitated the escape of floods as to
permit them to escape faster than was
possible in former years is not definite
ly determined by scientists, but log
men and masters of sail and steam
boats that plow those waters concur in
tho opinion that those outlets are prime
factors in holding down both of the
big rivers for several miles above their
deltas, as well as emptying Sabine
Lake so fast that only phenomena!
downpours will hereafter flood low
lands near the coast, and when Hooded
the overflow will not last as long as It
did prior to those excavations. An old
log puncher said to-dny that stronger
lines are now required to check up a
raft than were used n few years ago,
where the river was even higher than
it is now.—Galveston News.
MAD BOAR NEARLY KILLS MAN.
George R. Burling, a farmer, resid
ing two miles from Babylon. L. I„ was
nearly killed on a i-eeent afternoon by
n ferocious hoar owned by Frederick
It. Townsend, whose country seat, Un
keway farm, adjoins the Burling farm.
The hoar, a costly prize winner of
the Poland China breed, had been re
garded by Mr. Townsend as very gen
tle, In spite of the fact that he had been
warned of the animal's ugly disposi
tion, and he had let his little grand
child and nurse play with tt.
The boar climbed out of Its pen and
went to tho Burling farm. Mr. Bur
ling seized a elub and started to drive
the animal ont of the yard. The boar
refused to go, and, turning with tusks
uplifted, rushed at Burling. The lat
ter attempted to dodge, but the boar
was too quick, aud Burling was thrown
to the ground, and while prostrate ths
boar's tusks pierced his legs, inflicting
wounds sixilnehes long In each leg nncl
nearly two inches deep. The boar then
fled.
Burling dragged himself to his bous®
and n physician was at once sum
moned. Dr. A. L. Woodruff answered
the summons, and later Dr. Harold E.
Hewlett, who had been sent for by Mr.
Townsend, arrived. The wounds were
examined, dressed and sewed up. The
nerves and muscles of both legs were
badly lacerated, and It will be a long
time before Burling can leave his bed.
The tusks of the hoar came very near
severing one of the mnln arteries of
the leg, and had tills happened the
man would have bled to death before
help arrived. Mr. Townsend at once
shot the boar.
, -J m
IN AN EARTHQUAKE AT SEA.
It is a strange tale of a strange ma
rine disturbance thnt was told by Cap
tain Montgomery of the whaling bark
Aliee Knowles, which has just arrived
at San Francisco from the Siberian
coast.
"We were lying some 2DO miles off
the Kniile Islands on the Siberian
coast when the shock was felt on Au
gust 13," said he. "Almost a dead calm
prevailed, and the sea was as smooth
as a mlllpond. I was In my cabin
when I suddenly felt the ship shaking
like a loaf. It seemed that the deck
was falling In on me. The whole ship
rattled as from impact with some ob
ject. I knew that the disturbance was
not caused by a heavy sea, and I
rushed on deck. There I found tho
crow teiTor-stricken and gazing help
lessly at one another. While on deck
the shaking continued and a l-umhllng
noise resembling thunder seemed to
come from the depths of the sen. Tho
surface of the sea was disturbed nnd
was breaking up in confused tnasses.
The rumbling noise and the vibration
ceased simultaneously, nnd the sea
again became calm. Both my cliro
nometer stopped at 2210 o'clock in tho
afternoon and I was set thirty miles
out of my course by the Incident. I
didn't notice If the surface of the water
was discolored, but for two days I
sighted flShes floating on the surface
of the sea."—Morning Oregonlan.
AN ANGEL OF MERCY. *
Hats off to Mrs. H. A. Ilarkson. The
story of her work as an angel of
mercy at that wreck on the Jersey
Central first glvos you a glow In your
heart ami then makes you want to
elieor. When the terrible crash took
place she was 1n her back yard, which
Is situated near the track. She didn't
lose time going through the house, but
seizing au axe, cut her way through
the back fence. To get the Injured
Into the building quickly she ordered
the rescuers to tear away part of the
hack of the house. While attending
to the dying she saw some tramps
robbing a wounded man who was ly
ing In the kitchen. She drove them
out at the muzzle of a revolver. Truly
a heroic soul. No horrors daunted her
and no labors tired. She must have
the heart of a woman, the courage of
a soldier and tho strength of a man.
Her neighbors should be proud of her.
And just think of It, but for this ter
rible disaster It Is possible that nobody
would have suspected that such a hero
—heroine is too weak a word—lived
in these parts. Long life and all honor
to her! —New Y'ork Sun.
SEVERE TRIAL OF ENDURANCE.
Perhaps no woman has ever had a
more severe trial of endurance than a
Miss Bell, who was much talked
about in Switzerland last summer.
She made only the most difficult as
cents, nnd finally tried tho Finsteraar
horn from a new nnd supposedly inac
cessible side. With two guides, she
got up a considerable elevation, when
the weather suddenly became cold and
stormy, and the party hnd to spend a
night amid the rocks, with no protec
tion. The descent on the following
day could not be completed, and an
other, still more uncomfortable, night
had to be spent on- a glacier. The
party arrived at the Grimsel Hospice
at 10 the next morning. During tho
night spent on the rocks the party had
a superb opportunity of seeing how
mountains are gradually disintegrated.
Tremendous flashes of lightning struck
the rooks to the right and left of them,
and rent them asunder.
A RIDE BEHIND A SHARK.
A harpooned shark towed a launch
load of hunters far out to sea yester
day afternoon, and tho line finally had
to be cut in order that the party could
return to the harbor. In the boat were
Deputy Sheriff Chillingworth, Captain
Flint, McDutfie, McKinnon and Ches
ter Doyle. They went in the lnunch
to the outer end of the channel, and af
ter inaneuvring for some time a big
shark loomed "P near them. Captain
Flint threw a harpoon, which hurled
itself fairly In the side of the selachian.
The big fellow at once dived, and the
boat soon sped forward, although the
line was paid out very fast. After en
joying the tow for several miles tho
line was cut. The Deputy went over
hoard once, but was promptly rescued
by his companions.— Hawaiian Gazette.
A PLUCKY ENGINEER.
Edward Irish, a Wabash cngineman,
in ehnrge of tho Continental limited,
made a recent run with frozen hands
and feet. Ills train was seven hours
late. At Lafayette he was compelled
to crawl under the locomotive to make
temporary repairs. When he had fin
ished his hands nnd feet were frozen,
hut he completed his run to Danville,
111., making up thirty minutes of the
lost time. Ills hands and feet were
swollen to twice their normal size. He
Is now In the hospital here, nnd ampu
tation of all the frozen members may
be necessary.—Chicago Tribune.
An English chemist ascribes the fa
mous Loudon fogs to unconsumed car
bon suspended in the air. The ndoption
of oil as fnel would, he says, do away
with the fog.
A scientist connected with the Pea
body Museum of Harvard University,
who has been spending some time
among the Maya people of Yucatan,
says that they use their toes in many
kinds of work as readily as they use
their fingers. The Maya women, who
always go barefooted, easily pick up
a pin In that way.
A Swedish inventor named Elsen
berg has constructed a machine which
takes herrings as they come from the
net, sorts them into the four sizes rec
ognized by the trade, scrapes off their
scales, cuts off their heads, splits,
cleans and washes them inside and out.
The machine does all this automatical
ly, and turns out 20,000 herrings per
hour.
A new grain, known as corn-wheat,
Is being grown in Eastern Washington.
It has the nature of both corn and
wheat, possessing the fattening quali
ties of corn and the corn flavor. In ap
pearance it resembles wheat. Its grains
are twice as large as those of ordin
ary wheat. It yields sixty on 100 bush
els an acre, and seems to solve the
problem of fattening hogs in the I'n
cific Northwest; corn is not successful
ly raised in that country.
A certain manufacturer of wood pulp
noticed great clouds of sulphur float
ing away from the smokestacks of the
nickel smelting works, and as he
needed sulphur, he set souie chemists
to experimenting, with a view to sav
ing it. They discovered away to do
this, and then he began smelting nicke!
ore himself, and from the sulphur ob
tained from the smoke, combined with
limestone and water, lie makes all the
calcium sulphite needed in his manu
facture of wood pulp.
Before the last meeting of the Dela
ware Valley Ornithological Club Mr.
William Bailey spoke 011 the methods
to lie. employed to attract native wild
birds around country homes. Mr.
Bailey thought that people were too
willing to accept the dictum that Eng
lish sparrows, with their noisy and
quarrelsome ways, were in entire pos
session. and It was useless to attempt
to,attract native wild birds. lie point
ed out that such birds as blue Jays and
wrens might be persuaded to take up
their abode about the house, if proper
quarters were provided for them. In
the first place, openings to bird boxes
Intended for wrens must be made
small enough to keep the sparrows out.
Secondly, it was necessary to bear in
mind that the birds desired were wild
birds, and wild birds are not attracted
by elaborately-turreted pagodas so
much as simple, homely structures—a
tomato can with a hole in it, for In
stance. Another powerful factor 111
repelling the wild birds was the habit
of keeping country grounds in such
perfect order. Closely cropped grass
and symmetrically trimmed bushes
were not nearly so attractive to wild
birds as grounds and shrubbery which
are more true to nature. If you want
nature's cherubs, be natural.
Jaiianesu Time Measures.
The Japanese divide the twenty-four
hours into twelve periods, of which
six belong to the night and six to the
day, their day beginning at sunrise and
ending at sunset.
Whether the day or night be long or
short there are always six periods In
each. To attain tills the characters
or numerals on the scale are adjusta
ble.
Tw® of them are set, one to agree
with the sunrise, the other with the
sunset, and the four characters be
tween them divide the space into equal
portions.
Thus, when the period of daylight Is
longer thnn the night, the day hours
will be proportionately longer thnn
those at night.
Another peculiarity in their scale is
that they use only six characters, those
from four to nine, and these read hack
ward. —London Express.
Fntuoii* Lofikti.
A lock of hair cut from the head of
Queen Marie Antoinette the day before
she was taken from prison to the guil
lotine is being offered for sale in Amer
ica, says the Westminster Gazette. It
is now In the possession of a descend
ant of one of the military guards who
escorted the Queen to her execution,
and who is said to have been greatly
Impressed by her bravery and patience
during the ordeal. The prices fetched
by relics of this kind, whether of living
or historical persons, are. according
to T. P.'s Weekly, not very high. It is
*atd that a tock of the Pope's hair was
sold for about S10; Emperor William's
liatr brought only three shillings, and
a few hairs from the head of Napoleon
Bonaparte realized S2O.
The New Ambulance*.
"Gracious, look at the speed of that
antomobile ambulance. I should think
tt would be dangerous."
"It ts, rather. Yon see they are hur
rying to arrive and pick up the victims
run down by nnother nutomoblle am
bulance that passed along here a few
minutes ago."
"See, they've run down several peo
ple on their own hook, but they don't
stop,"
"No, nnother auto ambulance will be
along soon to care for them, and after
It's all over an ordinary horse vehicle
will have to come trotting along and
take care of all the victims of the three
Bmbulances."—Baltimore Herald.
&he Funny
_Fide of
Life.
AN EYE OPENER.
His neighbors said he was a man
Whoso life was clean and pure—
That such ideal morality
Thro' all things would endure.
But he became a candidate:
For office fat he ran;
And now his neighbors shudder at
, The past life of the man.
—Boston Post.
'A PERFECT ANGEL. '
Gladys—"So she married him Just be
cause he owned an autoV"
Penelope—"Oh, no! Because he never
got mad when It broke down."—Puck.
QUITE ANOTHER THING.
"He was unable to meet his bills, I
understand?"
"Well, that's where you're wrong.
He couldn't dodge them." Chicago
Post
IN TIIE NEXT CENTURY.
Teacher—"Who was the greatest mil
itary hero of that ago?"
Pupil—"General Bloodantliunder. He
collected bills amounting to $1,710,-
824,323.21."—Puck.
ALL BROKE.
First Lawyer—"Did you break the
will?" \
Second Lawyer—"Yes, and the heirs,
too."—New York American.
STRONG TEMPTATION.
Judge—"Did the defendant, to your
knowledge, ever Invite another to com
mit perjury?"
Witness—"Yes; I onco heard him ask
a woman her age."—Boston Globe.
A CASE FOR SYMPATHY.
"And she refused him? Does he
seem much depressed?"
"Oh, yesl He told uiy brother It was
the turning point in his career."
"Yes? The turning-down point!"—
Puck.
THE LIGHT THAT FAILED.
Mrs. A.—"When I was engaged to
my husband he was the very light of,
my existence." X
Miss D.—"And now ?" *v
Mrs. A.—"The light goes out every
lllght."—Brooklyn Life.
LENGTH UNKNOWN.
"But you really are getting seedy,"
persisted Mrs. Nogglt. "Just look at
your hair. How long is it since you've
had It cut?"
"I don't know," he snapped. "I
haven't mensured It." Philadelphia
Press.
MODEST,
in a reading class a little girl read
thus: "The widow lived on a ltmbaey
'eft her by a relative."
"The word Is legacy, not llmbacy,"
corrected the teacher.
"But," said the child, "my sister says
I must say limb, not leg."—Woman's
Home Companion.
' TUNNEL DISCOMFORTS. A
The prairie dog that had started out r
to see the world was taking In the
sights In n neighboring village inhabit
ed by his own species.
"Well," he said, as he backed hastily
out of a subterranean dwelling that a
rattlesnake had pre-empted. "I see
they have the same tunnel problem to
eolvo here that they have in other
cities."—Chicago Tribune.
TROUBLE IN THE GARDEN.
Tommy Potato to George Cucumber
—"My mother won't allow me to play
with you. She says I'll catch warts."—
New York Times.
POOR LITTLE GIRL.
Little Agnes' face wore a verv woeful
look.
"Why, what Is the matter. Agnes?"
asked her father.
"Oh," she replied, twisting ner me*
up most mournfully, and laying her
hand on her breast, "I've dot the head
ache down here in my bweast, and It
makes my tummy hurt"- Woman's
Home Companion.
THE GENTLE READER.
•Why has the old-fashioned reference t
to the gentle reader been, discarded?" L
"I suppose," answereh Miss Cayenne,'
"that the publishers Insist on cutting It
out of the manuscript. They know
that a large percentage of the people
beguiled into purchasing modern Action
aro likely to be in a most ungentle
frame of mind before they get half way
through the second chapter."—Wash
in ton Star.