I|r An Old Goose. What Is sauce for the goose is said to be, or should be, sauce for the gan der, and that is generally apple sauce. But at Chapel St. Leonards in England a goose escaped all kinds of dressing and died at the ripe age of twenty eight years. She hatched out nine gos lings regularly year after year, but few of her descendants survived her. As the mere man who owned her got eight shillings apiece for the brood, she may be said to have laid silver eggs, if not golden ones. At any rate she yielded him the tidy sum of £IOO 165., her family having reached the amazing total of 252. She was a familiar and respected figure, but It is hard to say why a burial service was held over her grave aud the bell tolled. Moreau. r Moreau was a French poodle who would have performed tricks if any pains had been taken with his educa tion, but Farmer Bradley and his wife were too busy for that He was taught to drive the cows to pasture and to bring them home at night. A gate was constructed at the end of the lane In such a manner that it 6wung both ways. So, when the farmer said: "Moreau, it is time to get the cows," he started without a word and ran down the lane. If the cows were wait ing, he would push the gate open, and hold it open with his paws for them to go through. But, If they had not come, he would go around the pasture and get them together, drive them up, and THE RAGGED ROMPS OF RAVEN RUN. Down the road they gravely tramp, 4 ' The laurel-covered mountains smile The ragged romps of Raven Run; Upon their road, that winds between Each is a soldier fresh from camp, The breaker and its huge coal-pile. With half a broomstick ns a gun. N The patches and the cum ravine. Four little fouzzled headed tots. Pink-paper capped, with stately mien. Back through the years I see them still- A-drilling in the sunny spots, The coal-aust road; the fouzzled band; And "foll'rin" Lew and his "cordeen." The broomstick guns; the childish drill, Of those wee soldiers of our land; From out the patches here they come, v And this I know—long after—Lew, •;*► * Jim and John and Pat and Hugh; . Enlisted 'gainst the Fillipine, " A broken kettle ns a drum. 4 And Jim and John and Pat and Hugh. Their Hag a miner's shirt of blue. Had followed him and his "cordeen." f —Chicago Record-Herald. open the gate the other way. This he did every night and morning. The next thing he learned to do was to churn. A little harness was fitted to him, a hand slipped over a water ✓ wheel and fastened to the big churn,, a little platform for Morenu to walk steadily on and on, tho crank of the churn turned by the motion till the butter was there, yellow as gold. Mor enu was then unharnessed, and re ceived his reward In the form of a drink of buttermilk. Then ho would run and play In the sunshine or sleep In the shade till It was time to bring the cows home.—New York Mall and Express. New Kind of a Tree. The animals in the Jocular Jungle persuaded the acrobatic old elephant to plant himself because he had such a magnificent trunk.—Chicago Becord- Herald. Flflitne For Mice. i To go fishing on land 1b probably a ' strange sport to you, unless your v grandfather has told you how he used to catch mice in the pantry. If he were like my grandfather he had very little money wljen he was a boy, and one cent meant as much to him as ten cents docs to most boys nowadays, and he used to earn a cent for every ten mice he caught , Suppose the kitchen or pantry or garret happens to be full of mice, and you haven't a. trap in the house. It to a very simple matter to make one of the old-fashioned kind, with an empty Jam jar. Over the top tie a piece of heavy brown paper, in the way you have probably seen jars of currant Jelly covered. In the middle of the I A MOOSE TRAP FOR BOIS. paper cut a cross. Then set the Jar wherever the mice are apt to come and hang a piece of toasted cheese over the centre of the jar. The mouse, at tracted by the cheese, will climb upon the Jar, and his weight will open the crosscut and drop him inside the jar, the paper door flying back In place, ready for another unsuspecting ven turer. If you can persuade your mother to pay you for every mouse you catch, so much the better. This same sort of a trap can be used in the fields and woods, for harvest and field mice, but should be burled in the ground, if possible. A market for sell ing these wild creatures can often be found among boys and girls who wish to train them for pets.—Boston Globe. A LoquAclons Cockatoo. The most loqunclous cockatoo in the world used to be owned by a civil servant In a Riverina township, Aus tralia, and as this is, perhaps, the only bird that ever shut up a political "windjammer," the Mclbourno Punch deems its escapade worthy to be put on record. A general election was on, and one of the caudidntes for the dis , trict had engaged a hall wherein to address the electors. There was a great attendance, and the candidate went from scratch with a rush, but at the'end of five minutes was Interrupted by a thin, croaking voice, like that of a little imp suffering from whooping cough, wldch called from one of the rafters: "Oh, I'm full of this!" The crowd, suddenly discovering the cockatoo on his perch aloft, laughed uproariously. A long string of insults nt tho crowd came from the rafters. Tlie candidate tried to get going again. "The man's an ass!" was tho cocka too's comment, and he jerked it In after every solemn expression of the candi date's opinion. At Inst the candidate's patience gave way, and, seizing the water bottle, he hurled It furiously at the Intemperate bird. It broke a window, and excited tlie bird to further efforts. Picking out the candidate, he heaped reproaches and insults upon him. The bird won; finding nothing left to throw, and unable to make any impression 011 the roaring audience, the politician hied himself from the hall, and the evil bird gave the last touch by calling pleasantly: "So long, so long!" Tho meeting forthwith carried a resolution to the effect that the cockatoo was n fit and proper party to represent that district in Parliament. Too Many Sheep. Immense areas of cattle range have been destroyed by too much crowding and by sheep. Sheep in large bunches nip the grass so close and so cut its sod with their hoofs that it dies. The railways of the Northwest have com bined to find the grass most suitable for stock, and to this end will divide 30,000 acres of land Into thirty sub divisions, each of which will be planted with a different kind of grass. When Her llopcn Are Itealtieri. When he calls on her, wearing a new suit, violent necktie, and a barber's parting in his hair, she catches her breath with a sharp little gasp and whispers to herself. "At last!"— New York Sun. ALPHABETICAL PETE. Alphabetical Pete was an N V S fellow— If U should wear saffron, he'd hanker for yellow; NDD was swagger, yet only too true, it Is said, N E bill E could 13 T would do it. As E Z as mud, when his clothing was C D He'd IRA cab, tho' decidedly needy, And drive to the tailor's (or L C might walk it) R A himself swell, and the tailor would chalk it. Alphabetical Pete was C Qr with a lady, an* They sighed M T things in love's pastures R K D N, Until she discovered his bankrupt condi tion And 6aid: "You meander and C K posi tion!" Ah! 6ad was the N D refused to do labor. And punctured himself on an O D S sabre: Away of S K P could not have found neater— That's all I S A to relate about Peter! —Baltimore News. "Mrs. Talkington's husband ought to be a good listener." "He is. He can listen to nearly two hundred words a minute."—The Smart Set. When a widow says the men are all alike she indulges in a mental reser vation in favor of her former hus band.—Boston Transcript. "Do you think they'll marry?" "Cir •cumstances point in that direction. Her people object, and he's as poor as A church mouse."—Detroit Free Press. Oh, what a pleasant world 'twould be— How smoothly we'd slip through it, If all the fools who "meant no harm" Could manage not to do it. —New York Times. Joakley—"Budds, the florist, has a big inquisitive plant on exhibition." Coakley—"What's an inquisitive plant?" J oakley—"liu bber!"—Phi la delphia Press. 1 "Eating pie, old man? Why. I thought Jt never agreed with you." "It doesn't. ißut I don't care; it's my turn to take care of the baby to-night, anyway."— Town Topics. He—"You are worth your weight In gold, dear." She—"Oh, that's old; give me something new." "What shall it be?" "Say I'm worth my weight in .beef."—Yonkers Statesman. She (proudly)—"Oh, Henry, I got the prize at our women's club!"' He— "Good!" She—"Yes, I blackballed more members during the past year than any Other member."—Ohio State Journal. Knott—"l am having an awfully hard time. It's all I can do to keep the wolf from the door." Scott—"Why don't you let him in and train him to keep your creditors out?"—Tit-Bits. Teacher—"Now, Ethel, who wrote the 'Elegy in the Country Church yard?'" Ethel —"Please, ma'am, it was Willie Smif. I seen him go!n" iln the churchyard at recess, ma'am."— 'Chicago News. ; ; Stern Father—"What an unearthly hour that young fellow stops till every night, Dora. What does your mother any nbout it?" Daughter—"She says taien haven't altered a bit since she was {young, pa."—Glasgow Times. only skin-deep, so they say; I Ah, well, that's plenty deep enough for me; They'll never get me to give myself away While the surface still is beautiful—to see." —Chicago Record-Herald. Tommy (tearfully)—"lf yer don't jglmmc back them marbles yer nabbed I'll tell my big brother." Patsy—"Tell (him! He dnsn't do nothln'." Tommy —"He dasn't? Why?" Patsy—"He {walks out with my sister. See?"— Ti t "I feel a presentiment," said the shad, as he passed up the river, "that isomethiug terrible is going to happen *to me." "Ah!" replied the sturgeon; "a vague presentiment, eh?" "Vague nothing. Why, I feel it in my boues." —Philadelphia Press. The Poison of the Lily. A German botanist lias discovered that the pretty Uower known as the Illy of the valley contains a poison of ithe most deadly kind. Not only the jflower itself but also the stem as well Icontains an appreciable quantity of prusslc acid. While Injecting a concoc jtion of lily of the valley Into the ear of a guinea pig he noiieed the animal suc cumbed immediately, with all the symptoms of poisoning by hydrocyanic ucid, says the Pittsburg Dispatch. iChemical analysis of the little plant (has disclosed, however, the presence of (this poisonous constituent, to which— ■strange to say—scientists attribute pre cisely the penetrating perfume of the lily of the valley. The atteution of the German botanist has been drawn by {the fact that one ol' his gardeners has 'felt himself seized with dizziness and ■vomiting after having inadvertently raised a hunch of lilies of the valley to his mouth, the lips of which were 'cracked. Didn't Disturb Anybody. The rude boys of the neighborhood, having learned that there had been a wedding in the lone brick house near the edge of town that evening, had been giving the Uappy couple a ser enade with tin horns, cowbells aud other musical instruments for four or Sve hours, when an upper window was raised aud a nlghtcapped head was ■thrust forth. "Don't stop If you're having a good |time, boys," said a voice pertaining to 'the nlghtcapped head. "You ain't dlsturhln* nobody. The youug folks that was married here this evenin' are deaf aud dumb." Then the window was lowered again, and deep silence Immediately began to ireign.—Chicago Tribune. The Enduring Fie. The young women at the University of Indianapolis contended In a debate with the young men that "pie is not of greater service to mankind than ice cream." When these young wo men become experienced wives they will feel shame that they should have decried the value of pie. When there are big bills for spring hats and spring dresses to be paid, they will fill their husbands with pie, knowing that un der its benign influence all the genial and generous impulses will be awak ened. The fancy for Ice cream is a mere passing characteristic of young womanhood; but the passion for pie which fills the breast of every normal man is an enduring source of happi ness to the tactful wife. Retort Courteous. "How did she get there?" At a famous dancing assembly this was the quite audible comment made by sev. eral married belles when a beautiful young matron, as yet on the outskirts of the exclusive set, entered the room. The newcomer, whose first appearance it was, proved herself quite equal to the occasion. She had a nodding ac quaintance with nearly every woman in the room. Some of them even went to her luncheon parties. Calmly turn ing to the most supercilious critics in the room, she echoed, as though in reply: "How did I get here? I drove here, my dear Mrs. Crossbeam. Did you walk?"—Lipplncott's Magazine. Eullding Declining In New England. A statistician who has been figuring on industries in New England finds that building and engineering enter prises in Massachusetts and the neigh boring States are declining. The to tal value of contracts awarded on new building and engineering enterprise to the end of April has been only $19.- 079,000 as against $25,715,000 in the same period last year. The decline for the first week in April was more than $150,000. Only 11 per cent, of the contracts were for the construc tion of factories and manufacturing buildings. Sheep Destroy the Ranges. Immense areas of cattle range have been destroyed by too much crowding and by sheep. Sheep in large hunch es nip the grass so close and so cut its sod with their hoofs that it dies. The railways of the Northwest have combined to find the grass most suit able for stock, and to thiß end will divide 30,000 acres of land into 30 subdivisions, each of which will be planted with a different kind of grass. MBS. IDA_L. ROSER Graml-Nicee of Ex-President James It. Polk, Writes to Mrs. Pinkliam Saying: 44 DEAR MRS. PEKKIIAX :—I have been married for nearly two years, and so far have not been blessed with a child. I have, however, suffered with a com plication of female troubles and pain ful menstruation, until very recently. MBB. IDA L. BOBBB* 44 The value of Lydla E. Pink ham's Vegetable Compound was called to my attention by an intimate friend, whose life had simply been a torture with inflammation and ulcer ation, and a few bottles of your Com pound cured her; she can hardly believe it herself to-day, she enioys such blessed health. I took four bottles of your Compound and consider myself cured. lam once more in fine health and spirits; my domestic and official duties all seem easy now, for I feel so strong I can do three times what I used to da You have a host of friends in Denver, and among the best count, Yours very gratefully,— MRS. IDA L. ROSEB, 326 18th Ave., Denver, CoL"— $3000 forfeit tf about testimonial It not gemifnt. If you are ill, don't hesitate to get abottloof LydiaE. Plnkhani's Vegetable Compound at once, and write to Mrs. Pinkham* Lynn, Mass* for special advice it is free* J SEND FOR OUR FREE I RABMV CATALOGUE OF FIBH- I JLJBBRJ INQ TACKLE, BICYCLES. BtmmßsM KODAKS AND SPRING ■ AND SUMMER SPORT IJL.MIL ING GOODS, ASK FOR a i SAMPLES OP OUR SO H H BASE BALL SUITS. OF- A FL&WK FICIAL LEAGUE BALLSI . FL ALL GOODS AT WHOLE- I (' '■VV' 1, SALE PRICES FOR CASH ■ I M EL SCHMELZER ARMS CO. 1 I B KANSAS CITY, MO. | Genuine stamped C C C." Never sold In batik Beware of the dealer who tries to sell "something jnst as good." Thsmpssn's Eye Water Accurate aim with the guns of the aew French cruiser Jeanne d'Arch las been found Impossible owing to ••he excessive vibration of the vessel's lull. UM Allen'* Foot-E MO. It Is tho only euro for Swollen, Smarting. Tired, Aching. Hot. Sweating Feet, Corns aud Bunions. Ask for Allen's Foot-Ease, a powder to be shaken Into the shoes. Cures while you walk. At all Druggists and Shoe Stores, 25c. Don't accept any substitute. Sample sent FBEE. Address, Allen 8. Olmsted, Lelioy, N.Y. Destruction of germ-bearing mosquitoes is said to have largely relieved Havana from yellow fever visitations. FITS permanently cured. No fits or nervous ness after first day's use of Dr. Kline's Great Nerveßestorer.s2trial bottle and treatisefree Dr.B. H. KLINE, Ltd., 931 ArcfrSt.,Plilla.,Pa. The washerwoman may often be seen wringing her hands. We will give I&IOQ reward for any case of catarrh that cannot be cured with Hall's Catarrh Cure. Taken internally. F. J. CHENEY A Co., Props., Toledo, 0. A rich man's autograph always looks best on a check. Mrs.Wlnslow's Soothing Syrup for ohildren teething, soften the gums, reducesinflammas tlcn,allays pain .oures wind colic. 25c. a bottU A donation party—the fellow who is out for the dough. Fiso's Cure oannot be too highly spoken of as a cough oure.—J. W. O'BRIEN, 822 Third Avenue, N., Minneapolis, Minn., Jon. 6,1903 A man's bad luck is often due to his bad habits. RIRAIVS For six years I have been a very sick man, suffering from nervousness, headache and pain in back and stomach, all caused by a stomach that refused to do its work. A friend advised me to try Ri pans Tabules. The results have simply been wonderful. At druggists. The Five-Cent packet Is enough for an ordinary occasion. The family bottle, DO cents, contains a supply tor a year. To Preserve, Purify, and Beautify the Skin, Hands, and Hair Nothing Equals TyiTLLIONS of WOMEN Usa CUTICURA SOAP, assisted iVI by Cuticura Ointment, the great skin care, for preserving, purifying, and beautifying the skin, for cleansing the scalp of crusts, scales, and dandruff, and the stopping of falling hair, for softening, whitening, and soothing red, rough, and sore hands, for baby rashes, itchings, and chafings, in the form of baths for annoying irritations and inflammations, or too free or offen sive perspiration, in the form of washes for ulcerative weaknesses, and many sanative, antiseptic purposes which readily suggest themselves to women, especially mothers, and for all the purposes of the toilet, bath, and nursery. No other medicated soap is to be compared with it for preserving, purifying, and beautifying the skin, scalp, hair, and hands. No other foreign or domestic toilet soap, however expensive, is to be compared with it for all the purposes of the toilet, bath, and nursery. Thus it combines in ONE SOAP at ONE PRICE, the BEST skin and complexion soap, and the BEST toilet and baby soap in the world. COMPLETE TREATMENT FOR EVERY HUMOUR, sl. Consisting of CrrnCTmA SOAP (2flc.), to rlennpo the skin of ernat. ■ 31 H 16,311 nnil acaloa, anil notice the thli-kcncil cuticle: I.UTK I'KA OINTMENT LUKSVAALU (Shc.l, to IneUntly allay tte.hlng, liifliniiimufon, ami irritation, and aoothe nn<i heal; and ui'uri'iu BF.SOI.VKNT PILES (4-), to cool TUP err Ctl anil cleanßOtlio Wood. A .SINGLE NET la often Biiftinlcnr. to cure tho a " " most torturing, dlsOguring, and humiliating skin, aeuln, aud hiood humours, with loes of hair, when all clao falls. Sold throughout tlia world. British Depot: 27-23, Chartcrhouao Sq„ London. French Depot. 5 Rue du lu l'aia. Lai, A. POTIEH Duuo AND CULM. COUP, Solo Props., Burton, U..S. A. CtmrrßA ItraoLTKNT Pn.Lfl (Choeolnte Coaled) ore t new, laelrlCM, odourlena econora. leal BUtiitltotO fur the celeliraled liquid L'LTlceaA RFBOI.VEHT, n, well on for all other blood rurlficirA and humour nan. K.tch pill In equivalent to one U'aßpounful ot Uuuid UEBOLVX a. Put up in Bcrew.cap pocaot rLus, ooaulaigg 00 doues, yr.ee 2oe. No Hair? "My hair was falling out very fast and I was greatly alarmed. I then tried Ayer's Hair Vigor and my hair stopped falling at once."— Mrs. G. A. McVay, Alexandria, O. The trouble is your hair does not have life enough. Act promptly. Save your hair. Feed it with Ayer's Hair Vigor. If the gray hairs are beginning to show, Ayer's Hair Vigor will restore color every time. (1.00 • bottle. All dratrlitf. If your druggist cannot supply you, send us one dollar and we will express you a bottle. Do sure and give the name of your nearest express omce. Address, J. C. A YEII CO., Lowell, Mass. mil*—lit 1 HIM i WW II i 1 1 liiwwmimii $10)000 YEAR. /(rents Want-d—T aweet red estate firm in the world Is est bltshing ufreicies through. ut th Tnitel >tatw> f- r the sa'e of its New i ork * ity prop, er ies on nst Iments <.f $6 t - J.o per month, carry iug a life insurance. Ue-ides an enormous local business the outsiot detnan 1 for an opportunitv to -hare in the growth of the Imjterial City of tiie World haa lieen so irreaf the past year and a tau'f thut wo liave sold near!| i t.t,0u),000 worth of property from Alaska to Soutu Africa. Our agents are making rom SI, 000 to $.5, <WS j * A business conducted as honestly and c 'iiserva tivelv as oure Is capable of lie great "level pruent us the National Life I suran e Company with infinite ly greater ease, vrtth a compensation live times as M-eat nud the opportunity for en rgetic. hoi est, In tel) g-nt an responsible men to • uihl up a l erinv nent busi ess for themselves and share in the subse quent growth which is sure to come to us. We want no representative who is not willing to work ener getically, or who has not su cient capital to visit New York to see our property and i e taught thd most effective method of doing business; to all w.io meet these requitewents and can give references ai to probiti we will make most liberal terms, spend ing tuoro monev in instrue ion and equipment foi the work than their New York trip has cost. Add. ess WOOD, HARMON & CO., Dept. Y-l, 256 Broadway, New York City, S Best Cough BFrup. Tastes Good. Uso In time. Fold by druggists. # \ I
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers