FREELAND TRIBUNE. KiUbllihal 1888. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY, WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY. BY TBI TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, Limited. Orrici: MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE. LONG DISTANCE TELEPHONE. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. FREELAND.—The TRIBUNE is delivered by carriers to subscribers in Freelaud at the rate of 12% cents a month, payable every two months, or $1.50 a year, payable in advance. The TRIBUNE may be ordered direct from the carriers or from the office. Complaints of irregular or tardy delivery service will receive prompt attention. BY MAIL.—The TRIBUNE is sent to out-of towu subscribers for $1.50 a year, payable in advance; pro rata terms for shorter periods. The date when the subscription expires is on the address label of each paper. Prompt re newals must be made at the expiration, other wise the subscription will be discontinued. Entered at the Postofflce at Freeland, Pa., as Second-Class Matter. FREELAND, PA., DECEMHER 13,1901. ! CONDENSED STORIES. Coolness and Common Sense of the Late Ameer. The late ameer of Afghanistan once received his European dentist in open court and asked him there and then to look at his teeth. There was one old stump which was giv ing him much pain, and the dentist suggested to the ameer that he should take "laughing gas" and have it out. The ameer asked what the effect of the gas would be and, being told, said, "I cannot risk be ing a dead man for five seconds, much less five minutes." So, with the whole Afghan court looking on and a regiment of the escort as well, the dentist had to struggle with the difficult stump while the ameer sat, never moving a muscle. The ameer was a man of strong common sense, and this most valuable quality once saved a war between England and Russia. When, after the Pendjeh incident, the ameer went over the border of his country into India to meet the viceroy, there was a mo ment when peace and war hung on a man's word. The viceroy told the ameer that the Russians had taken Afghan territory, that England had guaranteed him against such ag gression and that England was pre pared to fulfill its pledge. The ameer sat in the tent and pulled his beard and then asked for a map of Afghanistan. When onewas brought, he asked that the territory seized should be pointed out to him. He traced with his finger the tiny fringe that had been taken and then swept his hand over the great space that represented the rest of his kingdom. "It is so little," he said at last, "that it is not worth making a great war about it." Anecdotes About Dorothy Drew. Many interesting stories are told of little Dorothy Drew, the favorite granddaughter of Gladstone. Quite a host of notabilities have entered their names on Dorothy's list of friends. She coaxed an amazing autograph out of Li Hung Chang and lias met Rudyard Kipling irt one of his happiest moods. They had been in the grounds together when Mrs. Drew appeared. "Now, Dorothy, I hope you have not been wearying Mr. Kipling," said her mother, and Dorothy, the soul of frankness and honor, replied: "Oh, not a hit, mother. But he has been wearying me." When no other pow er on earth could tempt Gladstone from his books, Dorothy never pleaded in vain. He must have talked to her a great deal of Arme nia, for Dorothy asked just after his death, "Do you think the Turks will be sorry grandpa is dead?" and to have added sadly, "I know the Armenians will." His Commission. When Coronet Joyce, one of Crom well's men, went to Holmby to re move King Charles I. to safer quar ters, there being a plot among Pres byterians to kidnap him, he took aiong 500 troopers. When Charles stepped out of his house, he was confronted by this considerable force. The king at once asked whether Joyce had any commission for what he was doing. "Here," re plied Joyce, turning in his saddle as he spoke and pointing to the sol diers he headed, "is my commission. It is behind me." "It is a fair com mission," replied King Charles, "and as well written as I have seen li commission in my life." Pure Sympathy. "That Mr. Berrien you introduc ed me to is a very sympathetic man." "Think so?" "Yes, indeed. I was telling him about a neighbor of mine who is dangerously ill, and he said he'd call right away and leave his card." "Yes, Mr. Berrien is an undertak er, you know." —Philadelphia North American. FOR SHUFFLING CARDS. A card shuffling machine has been invented by R. F. Bellows of Cleve land. It should make business poor for crooked card players. The de vice is complicated, yet simple in its action. The shuffling machine is a metal box about 12 inches high, 3 inches wide and 6 inches from front to hack. All the mechunisin is inside. The cards are dropped in at the top and rest on a tiny shelf. Below this there are five small fingers, one on each of five thin steel blades ex tending across the full width of the machine. When a shutter on the front is dropped, the shelf falls and the cards drop upon the blades and are separated into five little irregu lar bunches by the fingers. The blades separate, and one by one cards drop from the various bunches into a receptacle at the bottom, the drop being regulated by a clock work mechanism. There is now way of telling where any particular card will be found in the pack after they are shuffled. The same card, placed on the top of the pack, will rarely he found twice in the same place after the shuffle.—Chicago Inter Ocean. Sulphuric Acid For Snake Bites. Those who fear snakes or live where snakes are found will find comfort in the assurance of Dr. John 11. Henry of Montgomery that sulphuric acid is a specific. Dr. Henry says: "The poison of animals and snakes is intensely alkaline, and sulphuric acid taken internally and injected hypodermically, diluted or pure, in the fang puncture immediately kills the poison. This discovery was giv en bv a gentleman who says he has been bitten by snakes and inserts over a hundred times. This gentle man takes delight in keeping snakes in his room running all about. Six weeks ago he was bitten in the foot by his big rattler. He immediately used hypodermically the acid, and it did not swell or give him any trou ble. lie says he fears no poison of animal, snake or insect bites if he has his acid with him."—New York Times. Fiddles Without Hands. In Atlanta, a small town in Illi nois, lives Frank Cluwson, a fiddler whose chief bid for fame lies in the fact that he is without hands. Sev eral years ago he was caught in a blizzard, and hotli hands were so badly frozen that they were ampu tated at the wrist. Being some what of a mechanical genius, he evolved a contrivance out of heavy wire which enabled him to wield the how.- The matter of fingering was more difficult, but by hard prac tice he trained the Btump of his left hand to make the necessary shifts from one string to another and from position to position. With the fiddle held in place by his chin and knees and with the help of his fingerless arms Cluwson manages to play the old time airs with nearly as much success as formerly. An Unfinished Sentence. Shortly after President Roose velt entered the White House a pol itician called upon him with refer ence to appointments. After the preliminary expressions of high es teem, unbounded admiration and eternal loyalty he began to disclose his business. "I want to speak to you about Mr. Blank, who holds a small office down in my district"— The politician didn't finish his sentence. "What!" exclaimed Roose velt, interrupting him. "Is that in fernul scoundrel still in that place? I had some knowledge of him when I was a civil service commissioner." The politician acknowledged that Air. Blank was still there and then turned the subject. Two Quarrelsome Women. A novel method of suppressing two quurrelsome women has just been adopted in Wilkesbarre, Pa. Day after day they quarreled over their hack fence, and their scold ings so annoyed the neighbors that a sixteen foot fence has been erect ed between their houses. It was put up the other night by masked men and a warning was posted that it should not be torn down. The women were unable to see each oth er, hut they found a hole in the fence and made remarks through that. Then a committee waited on them and said if they quarreled any more they would be driven out of town. Entirely Willing. John L. Sullivan was in the North station the other day and, seeing a little Irish baggage man coming along with a bicycie, squared off at him with that easy humor for which he is noted. The little chap, who didn't weigh over 135 pounds, put up his free hand. "Wait on a bit," he said, "till Oi lean me bicycle against the rail." John L. was so tickled he tipped hack his head and roared. Then he told the pygmy who he was.—Bos ton Journal. iw PUNCTUALITY WON. A Life Insurance Agent to Whom Tim. Was No Object. A life insurance agent who re- Bides in this place deserves great credit not only for the energy and persistence with which he pushes his business, but for his punctuality in keeping engagements. He had been after a man who resides in Anita for the past two years and had received some encouragement. He called one day last week, and when the man saw the insurance agent approaching he ran and hid. But the insurance agent had caught a glimpse of his fleeting form and was not to be foiled. He finally smoked his man out and told him he had come to talk insurance. "I am too busy," said the man. "Call again when I have more time." "When may I call, then? Set your own time, and I'll he there." The man thought a moment, then made reply: "You may call next Friday morn ing at 3 o'clock." "I will be on time." When the appointed day arrived, our indefatigable insurance man arose at 1:30 o'clock and walked to Anita, a distance of nearly five miles, arriving there at 2:55. He sat down on the porch and waited until precisely 3 o'clock, then rang the doorbell. "What's wanted?" inquired a fe male voice from an upstairs win dow. "Is Mr. Jones at home?" "He is." "Tell him to come down right away. I have some very important business with him." Mr. Jones hustled down stairs in his nightshirt, and there was the life insurance agent! "I have called," he began, "as you requested, to talk life insurance." Jones was somewhat astonished and bewildered, but, realizing that he was up against it, said: "Such punctuality deserves to be rewarded. I surrender." And he gave him his application for a policy.—Punxsutawney Spirit. A Caustic Comment. A lawyer of some distinction who began practice in a small New Eng land town says his first client re quired a deed covering certajn par cels of land sold to a neighbor. The deed was drawn in due form, and after its execution the client de manded his bill. It was $2. This amount was objected to as a most exorbitant sum for the service ren dered. "I told him," says the lawyer, "that to enable ine to draw the deed I studied two years in the Lancaster academy, and this cost me S2OO. Then I spent four years in Dart mouth college, which cost me $250 a year more, and then I went to the Harvard Law school for another year at a cost of SSOO. "'So you see, Mr. Ilines, that to get the necessary education to do this work 1 had to pay out $1,700, and yet you think my charge of $2 is a largo one.' "The man looked at me for a mo ment in amazement and then ex claimed: 'Gosh! What a darned fool you must have been before they begun on you 1' " —Exchange. His Mother's Pride. The Liverpool Post tells a story of a clergyman who was recently called upon to baptize nine chil dren. From number one to eight nothing went amiss. The ninth, however, proved to be a lusty boy, who soon succeeded in almost wrig gling out of his somewhat scanty clothes. The clergyman, grasping the infant by the nape of the neck and by such garments as still re mained secure, was proceeding with the service, when the mother, over come with admiration for her child, and scarcely realizing the solemnity of the occasion, remarked in a loud voice, "He's a nice little lump, sir, isn't he?" A Gallant Lover. Sir Harry Hayes was in 1801 con demned to death for "running away with Miss Pike." The sentence was commuted to transportation for life. On Sept. 24, three weeks after his conviction, the London Times pub lished the following: "The Irish baronet who is upon his road to Botany Bay has gallantly written to take leave of the object of his affection and the cause of his crime. Other lovers, he says, feel momen tary raptures for their mistresses, but 'show me one, besides my own self, that's transported for life 1' " Thunder Turns Buckwheat Black. A puzzling phenomenon has been the blackening of fields of buck wheat blossoms by thunderstorms. An explanation is suggested by the researches of Lemstrocm, a German electrician, who has caused water to he sucked up through capillary tubes when an electric influence ma fchine was worked some distance away. As the fluids of plants rise through capillary tubes, it appears that an electrified condition of the air may cause an unusual flow. WOMAN IN THE KLONDIKE. Just at dark we made a landing on the banks of the Yukon, directly in front of the little town of Daw son, and, pitching our tents in the snow, we camped for the night un der our first shelter—even of a tent —for ten days. All were so pleased and happy that good fortune had enabled us to escape the perils which threatened, as well as the danger of an ice block in the river, that the men proposed a celebration of their good fortune; They were going up town, but I told them it was not right to leave me alone the first night in a strange place and that if they would remain in camp I would pay for enough for them to drink and have their celebration in their tents. To this they agreed, and one of them went to the town and shortly returned, stating that whisky, Canadian case goods, was $lO a quart. I sent him back and purchased a couple of bottles, which the men drank without becoming boisterous. I then went to my war sack, and, taking out my guitar, which I had carried over the sum mit, we sat on the ground around the little tent stove and all joined in singing the songs of home.—Emma L. Kelly in Lippincott's Magazine. Got a Big Pearl With His Oysters. Morgan 11. Morgan, file clerk in the ollice of the clerk of the circuit court, in company with several friends, lunched in a restaurant at Clark and Ilandolph streets, and, among other things, the entire par ty partook of fried oysters. Mor gan picked out a large, juicy one and was beginning to eat it with a relish when his teeth grated on a hard substance. lie removed the object from his mouth and was about to tell the waiter that he had not ordered the oysters to be seasoned with gravel when his attention was attracted by the reflection of the light upon the object lie had thrown on the ta ble. Investigation showed that it was a pearl of good size. Morgan put the pearl in his pock et and after leaving the restaurant went to the office of a lapidary in the Champlain building, where he was offered sl4 for the gem. He took the money. Chicago Inter Ocean. Our Excess of Men. Whatever differences Dame Na ture may huve intended between the spheres of influence of men and wo men, she evidently intended that numerically at least the two sexes should stand on nearly the same footing. The world over, except where recognizable and what might be called artificial causes interfere, the male and female elements of the population are about equal. Curiosity, not to say astonish ment, is excited, therefore, by a re cent announcement of the census bureau. The enumeration of 1900 shows that there are more men and boys than women and girls in this country and that the difference ex ceeds 1,800,000 in u population of 70,30;),.987. The excess appears more distinctly perhaps when it is said that there are 512 males and only 488 females in every thousand people in the United States. —Chi- cago Tribune. Sixty Dollar Overcoats For Soldiers. Just at present a buffalo overcoat is a very scarce article, and yet the humblest of Uncle Sam's soldier boys may have one of these highly prized garments for the asking. All he has to do is to include the item in his requisition for supplies, and the coat will be issued to him, al though it will still belong to the government, and if he loses or de stroys it he must pay SOO for his carelessness. The coats in the possession of the war department are relics of the days when no man living in the northwest was thought to be prop erly equipped without a buffalo coal. All of them have been worn, but they are still in fair condition and are issued annually to those soldiers who may want them.—Minneapolis Journal. He Walked. An insurance officer who claims to be the only man in his business who ever talked business to J. Pier pont Morgan remarked the otheT day: "I could more easily see the hundred hardest men in San Fran cisco than do it again. Never mind how 1 did it. 1 walked in on Mor gan at the office one day and stated my business. " 'How did you get in here? said he. " 'I walked in,' said I. " 'Well, walk out,' said he. "I did." Leap Years In This Century. The twentieth century will have the greatest number of leap years possible for a century namely, twenty-five. The year 1904 will be the first one, then every fourth year after that up to and including the year 2000. February will three times have five Sundays—in 1920, 1948 and 1976. r, ... -d Aft A Ift mmmm ! Wlw lyliln j Forlnfents_and_Children i £ ASTORIA! The Kind You Have B m Always Bought AVegetablePreparalionforAs- 1} # similaling the Food nndßegula- . # tinglheStouiachsandßowelsof JjGdFS til© r \ " " " Signature /aTu Promotes Digestion,CheerfuL d lip nessandßest.Containsneither 1 / JF < I Opium, Morphine nor Mineral. J 01 /(\ '\ JJ NOTNAHCOTIC. ft*ipe of Old LrSAMUEL PITCHER . \ fampkut Seal' \ 'ft \lf ft Mx.Stnna * 1 H l/l B linktlU Salit - f M MA _ I M dinisr Seed *■ 1 Ji. 1 dk % Il| j 1 f\ iil 1,1 ) | JUL r 1 || p AperfeclßemedyforConstipa- 1 I V UOG Ron, Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea j I lA/' Worms .Convulsions .Feverish- 11 IT I" _ „ ft .. ness and Loss of Sleep. 1 \_f* |"Q| UVBr Facsimile Signature of I I Thirty Years ■KTQQTQQrcvRran |i ' P £TQ D| fl ■J EXACT COPY OF WRAPPER. FF 11 SFL RJ SMLLLFTA laxakola ~J does it NO ONE BUT A MOTHER wleep glTeit to ail ailing-, TEETHING, fercrish, colicky, fretty infant. Almost distracted by its constant crying-, and worn out with weary, anxious care and wfilchliiK, ahe tries everything possible to obtain even relief for the little sufferer. With what comfort and DELIGHT she sees her little one drop off into a deep peaceful health-giving: slumber, after its little clogged bowels are cleared of their poisonous burden by a single dose of Laxakola, the g*reat tonic laxative and mother's remedy. Laxakola is ft pure, gentle ANIL painless liquid laxative, ami contains valuable tonic proiierties which not only act upon the bowels, but tone up the entire system and purify the blood. A few drops can be given with safety to very young babies, which will often relieve colic by expelling the wind and GAS that cause it. Great relief fs ex perienced when administered to young children Buffering from diarrhoea, aceompnuicd with white or green evacuations, as it neutralizes the acidity of the bowels and carries out the cause of the fermentation. LAXAKOLA will aid digestion, relieve restlessness, assist nature, and induce sleep. For consti|iat ion, simple fevers, coated tongue, or any infantile troubles arising from a disordered condition of the stomach it is invuluuble. Laxakola. the great tonic laxative. IX n..t oniv the most efficient of family remedies, but the most PI" >N< iinii ;it. IK-.., use I. I ..ml .irii-s li 1N,.,, U, 1.,. „J\ IN IT.„i . AN. la. ,-ri.N„ other !'',vu'ni'XV' ~UHV <" R At .iMgglsls. -. an.L V"..