FREELAND TRIBUNE.
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Entered at the Postollloe at Frceland, Pa.,
as Sccoud-Cluss Matter.
FREEIv A NI). PA., NOVEM BER 22, 1901.
A BUDDING HUMORIST.
Merry Memories of a First Meeting:
Willi Artemus Ward.
On going into the Cleveland Plain
Dealer editorial rooms one morning 1
saw a new man, who was introduced
to mo as Mr. Browne.
He was young, cheerful In manner,
tall and slender, not quite up to date
in style of dress, yet by no means
shabby. His hair was flaxen and very
straight; his nose, the prominent fea
ture of his face, was Romanesque—
quite violently so—and witli a leaning
to the left. His eyes were blue gray,
with a twinkle in them; his mouth
seemed so given to a merry laugh, so
much In motion, that it was difficult
to describe.
It seemed as though bubbling in him
was a lot of happiness which he made
no effort to conceal or hold back.
When we were introduced, be was sit
ting at his table writing. He gave his
leg a smart slap, arose, shook hands
witli me and said lie was glad to meet
me. 1 believed him, for he looked glad
all the time. You could not look at
him but lie would laugh. lie laughed
as lie sat at his table writing. When
he had written a thing which pleased
him, ho would slap his leg and laugh.
I noticed that George Hoyt and
James Brokenslilre at their tables were
pleased with his merriment and in
dulged in broad smiles. As I bade him
and the others good morning he said,
"Come again, me liege." I thanked
him, said I would and went my way,
thinking what a funny fellow he was.
Within a month thereafter appeared
in the columns of The Plain Dealer a
funny letter signed "Artemus Ward."
The writer said he was in the show
business, had a trained kangaroo, "a
most amoosin' little cuss," some
"snaix" and a collection of wax fig
ures, which lie called a "great moral
show." As he was coming to Cleve
land to exhibit, he made a proposition
to the proprietor that tliey "scratch
each other's hacks"—the publisher to
write up tlie show vigorously and the
showman to have the handbills print
ed at his office and give him free tick
ets for nil ids family. So I found my
young friend of the gurgle and hay
colored lialr to be an embryo humorist
just bursting into bloom. Artemus, us
from that time he was best known,
soon had a city full of friends, myself
and family among them.—James F.
Ryder in Century Magazine.
RAILWAY TIES.
The Swedish government is disposed
to adopt electricity on its entire rail
way system.
Prussia's recent action in making all
railway return tickets valid forty-five
days has been promptly followed by
Saxony and Baden.
Tourists in Egypt can now take a
trolley car in the main street of Cairo
direct to the pyramids. In a short
time a line will be built, equipped with
American cars, .to run from the ocean
front at Piraeus to the Parthenon at
Athens.
The Pennsylvania railroad proposes
spending millious to extend its line
to Moutauk Point, at the eastern end
of Long Island, so that the ocean voy
age may be shortened. The tunneling
of East river and the bridging or tun
neling of the North river are enter
prises included in the scheme.
HAPPINESS.
Man makes his own misery. So does
woman.
Happiness depends upon the attitude
of mind.
The highest forms of happiness are
the easiest obtainable.
Men understand much better the art
of happiness than women.
We cultivate our misery at the ex
pense of our capacity for happiness.
The kindness of men is oftener the
expression of their own satisfaction
than the desire to please.
The power to please comes with prac
tice ouly. Everybody knows bow to be
disagreeable.—Sarah Grand.
Tlifew I p Ihe Sponge.
His Loving Spouse (who lias been
talking for five minutes without a
break)—l'd like to know, now, what
you've got to say for yourself. When
you went down town I told you exactly
the kind of bath sponge I wanted, and
you wrote it down, and now you bring
me this miserable, pitiful, good for
nothing. What are you throwing that
sponge tip in the air for?
Mr. Meeker—My dear, it's the only
.thing I tan do.—Chicago Tribune.
WASHINGTON LETTER
[Special Correspondence.!
Dr. P. M. Rixey continues to visit the
White House d*'.ly, as lie used to do
(luring tlte administration of President
McKinley. President and Mrs. Roose
velt have made no selection of a family
physician, and Dr. Rixey occupies that
position. Whether he will remain in
that capacity when he becomes sur
geon general of the navy is not known.
The late Dr. Bates, surgeon general of
the army, was the first physician to
President and Mrs. McKinley. When
lie died. Dr. Leonard Wood, now Gen
eral Wood, was designated to the posi
tion. He remained until the breaking
out of the war with Spain, when lie
went to the front as colonel of the
rough riders. Dr. Sternberg, surgeon
general of the army, was next looking
after the health of President and Mrs.
McKinley, but only for a short time,
when he was succeeded by Dr. Rixey.
The latter called at the White House
daily for three years.
Currency to Semi Through Mail*.
The recent robbery of tlie Chicago
nostoffice and the possibility that the
robbers will dispose of #74,000 worth of
stolen stamps has called attention
afresh to the need of some kind of sub
sidiary currency which can lie sent
through the mails. It was never in
tended that stamps be used as money,
yet the enormous growth of the mail
order business has really brought that
result about. The mail order con
cerns accumulate large quantities of
stamps, and to convert them Into mon
ey often have to sell at a discount.
Thus a "stamp trade" lias sprung up
which enables burglars to dispose of
stolen stamps with little danger of de
tection. The next congress will doubt
less be called upon to consider plans
for relieving tills situation.
Mis* Roosevelt's Chum*.
Miss Harriet Wadsworth of New
York, daughter of Representative
WadHworth, will lie a close contempo
rary of Miss Roosevelt, as will be also
Miss Helen Mackay-Smith and Miss
Mathilde Townseiul.
Miss Mackay-Smith is the eldest
daughter of Rev. Dr. Mackay-Smitli,
who is In charge of the quaint colonial
church at Washington, St. John's,
which has been the scene of so many
historic ceremonies and is one of the
principal places of Interest to all sight
seers in Washington.
Miss Townsend will make her debut
In December, and has Just returned
from Europe, where, witli her mother,
she lias spent the past six months,
having been much admired in Paris
and at the German baths.
The Dlntrict Bndßet.
The District commissioners have
transmitted to the secretary of the
treasury their estimates of the appro
priations that will lie needed for the
support of the government of the Dis
trict for the fiscal year ending June 30,
1903. The sum asked is #10,439,881.87.
The sum asked for the preceding year
was $9,080,703.94, and the sum appro
priated was $7,532,519.31. The secre
tary of the treasury will forward the
estimates to congress.
In making public the estimates Com
missioner Macfarlaiul stated that the
commissioners had followed this year,
as last, the policy of asking for what is
really necessary, regardless of the pos
sible deficit due to the diversion of Dis
trict funds by congress to street exten
sion purposes.
Isthmian Canal Commission.
The isthmian canal commission got
together here and is now hard at work
finishing up its report, which it prom
ises to have in the president's hands
long enough in advance of the meeting
of congress to enable him to make use
of it In preparing his annual message.
The president of the Panama Canal
company is here trying to get the com
mission to report in favor of buying
ids canal. It will lie remembered that
in Its preliminary report made to Pres
ident McKinley last year the commis
sion declared against such a purchase.
President Garfield'* Widow.
Word comes from the Mentor (O.)
farm of the Garfields that the widow of
the former president, who is now well
on in years, is In a serious condition of
ill health. Iler only daughter, the little
Mollie of the White House years ago,
now Mrs. J. Stanley Itrown and the
mother of several children, lias gone
with her family and mother to Califor
nia for tlie possible benefit of the latter.
They have leased for the winter a beau
tiful cottage on Orange Grove avenue
in Pasiylcna.
The Donnpnrte*.
Mrs. Jerome Bonaparte and her son,
Mr. Jerome N. Bonaparte, arrived at
their Washington home the other day,
after a visit of several mouths to the
Count and Countess de Moltke-lluit
feldt, at their estate in Glorup, Den
mark. Mr. Bonaparte is the third of
that name to be known in this country
and is the great-grandson of Jerome
Bonaparte, the Corsieau, and younger
brother of Napoleon 1., who, in 1893,
married the beautiful Baltimorean,
Miss Elizabeth Patterson.
By building some bedchambers in the
attic for women servants the presiden
tial family have contrived to settle
themselves comfortably in the White
House and reserve one commodious
chamber for guests. Doubtless there
will be times when it would be conven
ient to have two or more guest cham
bers, but tlie Roosevelts may lie trusted
to get. ulong with such domestic diffi
culties without complaining.
CARL SCIIOFIELD.
SifTfr Touched Hint.
Shorts—The papers misstated some
details of that accident, today.
Longs—How so?
Shorts—They stated that the tramp
who stole a ride on a mud scow was
washed overboard. He wasn't. I saw
him when they pulled him out, ag.l he
was just as dirty as when he left the
boat.-llarlem Life.
©Veiifete©
/T u "PI J •
t^oodMmsJ
MOST LITTLE BABIES DIE, either from bowel troubles
or from diseases which they contract because they
are in a weak and feeble condition from bowel troubles.
Mothers who nre seeking the Ideal and proper medicine to give their little ones for
constipation, diarriioja, colic and simple fevers will find LAXAKULA the great family
remedy.
It is the best and most effective laxative for children. BKBT because it is safe and
made entirely of harmless ingredients. BEST because it is non-irritating and never
gripes or causes pain or irritation. BEST because it is sure and never fails. BEST
because " Children like it and ask/or it."
It is a dangerous thing to give little babies violent remedies that rack and rend
their little bodies. DON'T DO IT—give them LAXAKOI.A.
A few drops can be given with safety to very young babies, and will often relieve
colic by ex|ielling the wind and gas that cause it, and it also will check simple fevers,
break up colds and clear the coated tongue.
Great relief is experienced when administered to young children suffering from
diarrhiea, accompanied witli white or green evacuations, from the fact that LAXAKOLA
neutralizes the acidity of the bowels and carries out the cause of fermentation aids
digestion, relieves restlessness, assists nature and induces sleep.
LAX AKOLA ! rr\e rwl?r u liar "an. l' VjeU^at'i' 'Tilt"'™ hM " h ° f the
EOIt WO MEN.
quickens the circulation, remove, inildd iml'wntfcSldS&rf'Mw NMT
tainty by removing the cau. To women suffering fr..m chronic constipation, headaches biliousnessdi/ziness
sallownessof tlie skin and dyspepsia, Laxakola will invariably bring relief and a speedy cure.
jgp,''Chicago'' Sen< "'' rCC sam f' e *° Tllli LAXAKuLA CO., 132 Nassau Street, N. V., or
THE WAY OF A TORNADO.
One That Wo Remarkable Doth In
Aiienrunce and Action.
"A tornado that was remarkable both
in appearance and in action was one
that traveled from Texas across Okla
homa and Indian Territory in May,
180t>," says Earl W. Mayo In Ainslee's.
"A man in Sherman. Okla., who had ex
ceptional opportunities for observing
the storm, inasmuch as he was caught
up in it and carried several hundred
yards before descending to earth again,
is certain that it was not funnel
shaped. He says of it:
" 'lt looked to me like a great ball of
vapor rolling over and over toward
me. When I first saw it distinctly, It
was at a hill perhaps nil eighth of a
mile away. It seemed to be about L\">o
yards wide and 1(M) feet high. The mo
tion was that of a ball rolling over and
over, not spiral, and it came on rather
slowly, perhaps thirty miles an hour.
Whatever the ball of cloud struck was
lifted right oil' the ground.
" 'I saw it pick up house after house
between the hill and me. and the cloud
seemed to be full of (lying boards and
timbers. When the ball reached Mrs.
CVs. the house nearest me, it went
straight up off its foundations. The
house remained intact until It was
about twenty or twenty-five feet from
the ground, then It burst open and the
fragments flew in all directions. It
looked like an exploding bomb. The
corn and cotton standing a hundred
feet ou either side of the storm's path
were uninjured, but whenever the
cloud struck the higher ground it
spread out, covering a wider strip of
the surface.
14 'When the cloud struck me, I went
up lightly and easily and the sensation
was not unpleasant, but I came down
hard and was badly shaken up, al
though not seriously injured. On the
highway north of Sherman fence wires
were torn from the posts and pounded
into the hard surface of the road a dis
tance of two or three inches.'"
THE WOMAN WHO FAINTED.
A liCnnon on Courtesy In a Crowded
London Theater.
Here is an example of the courtesy
and good feeling of the twentieth cen
tury. llow are we to account for it.?
The worst of it Is that in such a case
the innocent suffer for the guilty. When
a woman does really faint, there will
he some hesitation before she receives
a seat, consolation and brandy.
in an overcrowded pit of one of the
London theaters the other night a lady,
who was standing, suddenly became
very faint, and another lady sitting
near kindly offered her her seat. Not
only this, hut, seeing that she did not
recover quickly, she went and fetched
some restoratives from the refreshment
room, whereupon the lady quickly re
covered and began to thoroughly enter
into the spirit of the play, apparently
quite oblivious of her benefactress.
As time went on she was asked by
her benefactress if she would object to
her sitting down again. But the other
would none of it. "Now I have a seat
1 mean to keep it!" she replied. Where
upon her benefactress gently reminded
her that she had paid for her seat and
thought that she hud every right to re
turn to it. But no amount of talking
would apparently move the former.
A gentleman sitting near, having
watched the episode, leaned forward
and said, "Do you intend to give up
your seat?" "No," was the reply. Up
he sprang and gently lifted her out of
It. An onlooker said to a lady next to
her, "1 like that man." "Thank you,"
was the reply; "he is my husband."
There seems to he no limit to tin* re
sources used by some people to secure
what they have not paid for. The lady
was no more faint tlmn any one else In
the audience. London Free Lance.
Tlic Kecpmltr of Salt.
Although in treaties on dietetics salt
figures as a condiment, it is universally
recognized to bo something more; in
deed it is an indispensable element of
the food of man and animals. A well
known authority usserts, Bays The
Medical Press ami Circular, that when
ever the annual consumption of salt
falls below twenty pounds per head of
population the public health is likely
to suffer. The deprivation of salt does
not produce a definite disease, but re
duces the vitality of the organism as a
whole, so that the victims of adminis
trative measures which restrict the
consumption of salt more readily fall
prey to prevailing epidemics, us well
as to endemic maladies.
FLOWER AND TREE.
Never buy a plant in bloom.
Never water plauts in flower from
above.
In planting out an orchard do not
plant more than can he manured and
cared for well.
A yard or lawn always looks barren
without some choice ornamental trees
and shrubs. On this account every
lawn should contain a few choice speci
mens of these ornamental trees.
I Scale Insects on plants, such as the
oleanders, the fragrant olive, roses,
etc., are among the most difficult pests
to overcome. A mixture of white helle
bore powder with dissolved soap rub
bed in is a good remedy.
Keeping all young trees carefully
staked leads to the formation of clean,
straight steins. These in their turn are
conducive to the growth of large,
healthy, fruitful heads. One stout
i stake should he placed by encli tree
i when it is planted.
I Crocus must he planted in October
to insure spring blooms. It makes a
fine appearance If thickly planted upon
a lawn. Make a cut with a spade
three or four Indies deep in the sod,
tuck in a couple of bulbs and press the
: sod hack into place,with the foot.
llabltn of SPUIH.
The habits of seals are very interest
ing. The very young seal is helpless
in the water until he Is taught by his
mother to swim. She takes him into
the water daily on her tin and dumps
him in, and wlieu he gets tired of
floundering about places him on lier
fin again and returns to her camp.
When tlie young seals are well grown,
they suddenly disappear with their
mothers and tin* hull seals. No one
knows where they go. and their return
I is equally as sudden as their departure.
| The hulls are the first to put In an ap
' pea ranee at the camping ground.
When they arrive, they commence at
once to prepare n camp for their mates,
which they stake off. and for which
they fight until they die. In the mean
time the female seals remain quite a
distance from laud, floating lazily on
the water and seemingly having a good
time.
Ronnil to Sound Tlielr "H."
The English middle classes have had
so much fun poked at them for drop
ping the letter "h" and for carrying it
forward and placing it where it should
not he, possibly thus to obey the laws
of compensation, that they have lie
come sensitive on the subject, and
many aspirate the "li" with double
force when the letter should he aspi
rated. Instead of saying "before him,"
as Americans do, with a light aspira
tion, they will say "before him," taking
a full and deep breath when they utter
the second word, shooting it out as if
it came from a popgun. Dropping the
"h" is not new for ordinary English
folk. It Is a new trick to aspirate it
with double the force required.—New
York Commercial Advertiser
Oyster Shells.
One thousand bushels of shucked
oysters leave about 1,100 bushels of
shells, which accumulate in great
heaps about the shucking houses. The
oyster shells landed on tlie shores of
Maryland during tlie last ninety years
have been reckoned at 12.00b,000 tons
—a quantity twice sufficient to over
load and sink every sailing vessel,
steam vessel, barge and canalboat In
America.
Soda water—all flavors—at Keiper's
r :' ' '1 DRIVING
commonplace shoes out of
tlie m arket is what the
/y All America shoe
\ ' s doing. How would you
a rJc-A/r like to reduce your shoe
f want s to two pairs a year?
How would you like to wear
the custom-made $5.00
kind for $3.50 a pair?
XHI Made in the custom way, of
Vto choicest selections of leather,
they are the snappy, thorough
ly ' t s a pleasure to show them.
Other Styles and Prices.
Our Assortment of
Men's and Boys' Underwear
embraces every variety in tlie market. We have all weights
and qualities and can suit you at any price from $1.51) per gar
ment down.
In Hats and Caps
and Furnishing Goods
our stock is by far the largest in the town. We carry tlie
latest styles in these goods and sell at reasonable figures. All
people pay the same price at this store, and the child receives
the saine service us tlie man.
McMenamin's
Gents' Furnishing, Hat and Shoe Store,
South Centre Street.
VThe Cure thai Cures i
jp Coughs,
\ Colds, 1
Grippe,
\ Whooping Cough. Asthma, J
Bronchitis and Incipient /I
af Consumption, Is
[oHo's]
$ THE GERMAN REMEDY" £
\ tures WwoA at\& J
O™ a\\
ZPIRIUST 'TTNGr
Promptly T)one ut the Tribune Ofliee.
RAILROAD TIMET AbLES
LEHIGH VALLEY HAILROAD.
.1 une 2, 1901.
ARRANGEMENT OF PASSENGER TRAINS.
LEAVE FKRELAND.
0 12 m lor Weatheily, Mauch Chunk,
Allentown. Bethlehem, Huston, Phila
delphia and Now York.
• 7 34 a m tor Sandy Uun. While Haven,
Wilkes-Ham-. Pittaton and Scran ton.
i 8 15 a in tor Hn/.leton, WeaMierly, Mauch
('hunk. All nt- wn, Bethlehem. Easlon,
Philadelphia, New York, Doluno and
Pottsville.
9 30 a in lor Hnzleton, Delano, Mahanoy
City, shciiandoali and Nit. ('arinel.
1 1 42 a in for Weal In rly, Mauch Chunk, Al
lentown, Bethlehem. Huston, Phila
delnhia. New York. Hazletou, Delano,
Maluinoy City, Shenandoah and Mt.
Curmel.
1151 a in for White II avon, Wilkes-Barre,
Scran ton and the West.
4 44 pin for Weuthorly, Mauch Chunk, Al
lentown, Bethleheiu. Easton, Philadel
phia, New York, Hazlcton. Delano.
Muhunoy (%y, Sheiiaiidoah. Mt. Carinel
and Pottsville.
0 35 P ni for Sandy Uun, White Haven,
Wilkes-Burre, Scrunton and all points
West.
7 29 p iu for Hazleton.
AHHIVE AT FBEELAND.
7 34 am from Pottsville, Delano and Ilaz
leton.
9 12 a in from New York, Philadelphia, Eas
ton. Bethlehem, Allentown. Munch
('hunk. Weuthorly, Hazlcton. Muhunoy
City, Shonandoah and .Mt. Carinel
9 30 a in from Scrautou, Wilkes-Barre and
While Haven.
1151 am from Pottsville, Mt. Carmel, Shen
andoah, Mahauoy City, Delano and
Hazlcton.
12 48 P in from New York, Philadelphia,
Easton, Bethlehem, Allentown, Munch
Chunk utid Woatherly.
4 44 p m from Scrauton, Wilkes-Unrre und
White Haven.
0 35 P m from Now York, Philadelphia,
Easton, Bethlehem Allentown. Mauch
Chunk. Weatherly, Mt. Carinel, Sheiiao
doali, Mahanoy City, Dclauo and Hazlc
ton.
7 29 I" m from Scranton, Wllkes-Burrc and
White Haven.
For further information inquire of Ticket
A fronts.
KOLLIN H.WILBUR,GeneraI Superintendent.
20 Cortiaudt street, New York City.
CH AS. S. LEE. General Pawenjrer Ajient,
20 Cnrtlandt Street. New York City.
G. J. GILDItOY, Division Superintendent,
Hazlcton. Pa.
THE DELAWARE, SUSQUEHANNA AND
SCHUYLKILL RAILROAD.
Time table in effect March 10, 1901
Trains leave Drifton tor Jeddo, Eekley, Hnzle
Brook, Stockton, Beaver Meadow Road, Roan
and Hazletou Junction at 000 a ro, daily
except Sunday; and 7 07 a m, 23s ~ m Sunday
Trains leave Drifton for Hhrwood, Cranberry
loiuhickcn and Dcrinarer at. 600 a m daily
except Sunday; aud 7 07 a m, 2 38 p m. Sun-
Trains leave Drifton for Oneida Junction,
Harwood Hoad, Humboldt Hoad, Oneida and
Sheppton at 600 a m, daily except Sun
day; and 7 07 a m, 2 38 p m, Sunday
Trains leave Hazletou J unction for Harwood.
Cranberry, Tomhicken and Derlngor at 6 35 ii
m, daily except Sunday; and 6 63 a m. 4 22 D m
Sunday. 1
Trains leave Hazleton .function for Oneida
Junction, Harwood Hoad, Humboldt lload,
Oneida and Bhc|>ptnn at ns, 1110 ani44l n m
daily except. Sunday; and 73" a m. 3 11 !,
Sunday. -
Trains leave Ilerinaer for Tomhlckeo, Cran
berry Ha. wood, Hazleton Junction and Bonn
5
TITATHAVTO^RSIIR.'SN^U'RU'^II?,:'^"
tori Junction and Roan at 711 am 12 40
p m, daily except Sunday; and bll a m 344
p m,Sunday. ' ° M
Trains leave Hazlcton Junction for Hnovnr
Meadow Road, Stockton. Hazle Brook Eokiot
Jeddo and Drifton at 54U i'm dall I"
except Sunday, and 10 10 a ra, r, 40 D m, Sunday'
All trains connect at Hazleton Jiuiction itb
o eetric cars for Huzloton. JeantavllJe. Audcn.
Pany*B Hno. P ° lnta on Traotib? Com-
Train leavina Drifton at 600 a m makea
oonnection at Deringor with P K R
Sunhury, Uarrisburg and£ofjti
Luru&u a SMITH Bu&©ridWhddni