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Make aV money orders, check*, eh. t piynbl*
to the Tribune I'r,tiling Company, Limited.
According to the American Associa
tion of Opticians it is the strenuous
life that is to blame for the alarming
Increase in the use of eyeglasses.
The Monroe doctrine is solely re
sponsible for the keen desire of cer
tain European Powers to purchase isl
ands in the American hemisphere, and
It is also responsible for the fact that
this craving is not satiated, remarks
the Kansas City Star.
The death of the Empress Dowager
of Germany will lengthen the period
of English court mourning and defer
the inauguration of that social ac
tivity which the London shopkeepers
have been expecting to follow Ed
ward's accession to the throne.
Denmark utilizes the milk of 1,733,-
735 cows in her dairy industry. In
3808 she exported 121,418,431 pounds
of butter; in IS9O, 122,412,593 pounds,
and in 1000, 124,023,3(53 pounds. The
steady increase in exports is the best
testimony to the inherent value of the
product.
Tbo large number of educated men
who are applicants for positions as
warrant machinists in the navy and
the rigid examinations to which they
ore subjected afford an illustration
both of the growing popularity of
technical education and of the higher
Standards demanded in the naval ser
vice, observes the Baltimore Sun.
The Australasian Commonwealth
has introduced a bill in Parliament
which prohibits admission into Aus
tralia of any person "unable to write
a fifty-word test from English dicta
tion." It is already provided that no
Immigrant shall bo admitted who is
likely to become a burden on the pub
lic purse or who within three years
lias been convicted of a nonpolitical
offence. The educational qualification
is designed to effectively exclude Chi
nese and other undesirable immi
grants.
Our own Congressional Record must
look to its laufels and hurry up if it
is not to he surpassed by the parlia
mentary record of the youngest State
in the world. In the first five weeks
of the session of the Australian parlia
ment enough speeches wore made to
fill SSO closely printed pages, and as
the Australians have not learned the
trick of "leave to print," this means
that every word in those 580 pages
were spoken during the sessions. Wo
can fancy some enemy of the speaker
saying:
God of the southern winds, call up Thy
gales
And whistle in rude fury 'round his ears.
The Klondike is already feeling the
evil effects of forest denudation. Since
the discovery of gold there the sparse
ly timbered hills of the district have
been stripped of all tree growth to
lill the extraordinary demands for
fuel In mining operations and other
purposes. The billa for mauy miles
around all cf the productive creeks are
now bare, and the ground being thus
exposed the snow accumulated during
the winter quickly melts in the early
summer. This year there has been an
early mil prolonged drought in con
sequence and the prospective output
of gold has beea reduced from $30,-
000,000, the original estimates, to $20,-
000,000, because of the lack of water
to wash the auriferous earth.
The position of head conch of the
Yale D. at ball team Is still open. L is
thought that Waller Camp, who lives
in New llaven, and lias advised and
helped to coach many of Ysib/s vic
torious teams, will gradually drift into
that position.
Rock T'f.: "a, an employe of JamisoTi's
coal works, near Greecsburg, fell down
the shaft and was Vatally hurt.
AN AUTUMN SONG.
Again the old heraldic pomp
Of autumn on the hills;
A scarlet pageant in the swamp; '
Low lyrics from the rills; I
And a rich attar in the air
That Orient morn .distills.
Again the tapestry of haze
Of amethystine dye
Encincturing the horizon ways; !
And from the middle sky
The iterant, reverbant call
Of wild geese winging by.
Again the viols of the wind
Attuned to one soft theme—
Here, every burden left behind,
O love, would it not seem
A near approach to paradise
To dream and dream and dream! i
—Clinton Scollard, in the Woman's Home I
Companion.
nOCCOOCCwCCCCOCDOGCGOCCOOD :
§ fije Annexation ol {7uby. §
2 '
£3 An Episode In the T.tfo of Mrs. *9
jTj WlgRB of tbo Cabhnge Patch. 0
OOCOCOCOCCOOOOOOOOCGOOCSCOO
TT NEW humorist, Miss Alice
/ \ Caldwell Ilegan, contributes
'° the Century a short story
<J" about the physical salvation
of a horse.
The Wiggses lived In the Cabbage
Patch. It was not a real cabbage
patch, but a queer neighborhood
where ramshackle cottages played
liop-scoteh over the railroad tracks.
The Wlggs family consisted of Mrs.
Wlggs and live children. The boys
were named Jim and P.illy, butjt was
Mrs. Wlggs's boast that her three lit
tle girls had geography names. First
came Asia, then Australia. When the
last baby arrived, and Billy stood look
lug down at the small bundle, he
asked anxiously: "Are you goin' to
have it for a boy or a girl, ma?" Mrs.
Mrs. Wlggs had answered: "A girl,
Billy, and her name Is Europona."
Hard work and strict economy were
necessary in the little household. Mrs.
Wiggs took iu washing, Jim worked
at the factory, and the others helped
as best they could.
The direct road to fortune, however,
according to Billy's ideas, could best
be traveled in a kindling wagon, and
while he was the proud possessor of a
broken-down wagon, sole relic of the
late Mr. Wiggs, he had nothing to
hiteh to it. Scarcely a week passed
that he did not agitate the question,
and as Mrs. Wiggs often said:
"When Billy Wiggs done set his
head to a thing he's as good as got it."
Consequently she was not surprised
when ho rushed breathlessly into the
kitchen ono evening about supper
time, and exclaimed in excited tones:
"Ma, I've got a horse! He was
bavin' a fit on the commons, an' they
was goin' to shoot him, an' I ast the
man to give him to me."
"My land, Billy! what do you want
Willi a tit horse?" asked his mother.
" 'Cause I knowed 3"on could cure
him. The man said if I took him I'd
have to pay for cartin* away his car
cass, but I said all right, I'll take him
anyway. Come on, ma, an' see him!"
And Billy hurried hack to his new pos
session.
Mrs. Wiggs pinned a shawl over her
head and ran across the commons. A
group of men stood about the writh
ing animal, but the late owner had de
parted.
"He's 'most gone," said one of the
men as she came up. "I tole Billy
you'd heat him fer takin' that ole nag
often the man's ban's."
"Well, I won't," said Mrs. Wiggs,
stoutly. "Billy Wlggs's got more senso
than most men I know. That boss's
carcass is worth somethin'. I 'spoet
he'd bring 'bout $2 dead an' mebbo
moro llviu*. Anyway, I'm going to
save him if there's any save to him."
She stood with her arms on her hips
and critically surveyed her patient.
"I'll tell you what's the matter with
him," was her final diagnosis; "his
lights Is riz. Bill, I'm goin' home fer
some medicine. You set on his head
so's he can't get up, an' ma'll be right
back in a minute."
The crowd which had collected to
see the horse shot began to disperse,
for it was supper time, and there was
nothing to see now but the poor suf
fering horse with Billy Wiggs patient
ly sitting on liis head.
When Mrs. Wlggs returned she car
ried a bottle and what appeared to be
a largo marble. "This here is a calo
mel pill," she explained. "I jes' rolled
the calomel in with some soft light
bread. Now you prop his jaw open
with a little stick, an' I'll shove it in;
then hole his head back, while I poui
down some water an' turkentlue outen
this bottle."
It was with great difficulty ihat this
was accomplished, for the old horse
had evidently seen n vision of the
liappy hunting ground, and was loath
to return to the sordid earth. His
j limbs were already stiffening in death,
and oniy the whites of his eyes were
visible. Mrs. Wiggs noted these dis
couraging symptoms, and saw that
violent measures were necessary.
| "Gether some sticks an' build a fire
quick as you kin. I've got to run over
home. Build it right up clost to him,
Billy; we've got to git him hot up."
She rushed Into the kitchen, and
taking several cakes of tallow from
the shelf, threw them Into a tin buck
et. Then she hesitated for a moment.
The kettle of soup was steaming away
011 the stove, ready for supper. Airs.
Wiggs did not believe in sacrificing
the present need to the future com
f.ort. She threw in n liberal portion of
pepper, and seizing the kettle in one
hand and Hie bucket of tallow in the
other, staggered back to the bonfire.
"Xow, Billy," site commanded, "put
tiiis bucket of tallow down there in
the hot I est part of the tire. Look out,
don't tip if—there! Now you come
here an' help me pour tills soup into
: tiie bottle. I'm goin' to git that ole
linss so bet up he'll think lie's bavin'
, a sunstroke. Seems setter bad to
keep on pesterin' him when he's so
near gone, but this hero sonp'll feel
good when It once gits Inside him."
When the kettle was empty the soup
was Impartially distributed over Mrs.
Wiggs and the patient, but a goodly
amount had "got Inside," and already
the horse was losing his rigidity.
Only once did Billy pause in his
work, and that was to ask:
"Ma. what do you think I'd better
name him?"
Giving names was one of Mrs.
Wiggs's chief accomplishments, and
usually required much thoughtful con
sideration, but in this case, If there
was to he a christening, It must be at
once.
"I'd like a jograpliy name," suggested
Billy, feeling that nothing was too
good to bestow on his treasure.
Mrs. Wiggs stood with the soup
dripping front her hands, and earnest
ly contemplated the horse. Babies,
pigs, goats and puppies had drawn
largely on her supply of late, and geo
graphy names were scarce. Suddenly
a thought struck her:
"I'll tell you what, Billy, we'll call
him Cuby! It's a town I heard 'em
talkin' 'bout at the grocery."
By tills time tbe tallow was melted,
and Mrs. Wiggs carried it over to tbe
horse and put each of his hoofs into
the hot liquid, while Billy rubbed the
legs with all the strength of his young
arms.
"That's right," she said. "Now you
run home an' git that piece of carpet
by my bed, an' we'll klver him up. I
am goin' to git them fence rails over
yonder to keep the fire goln'."
Through the long night they worked
with their patient, and when the first
glow of morning appeared in the east
a triumphant processions wended its
way across the Cabbage Patch. First
came a woman bearing sundry pails,
kettles and bottles; next came a very
sleepy little boy leading a trembling
old horse, with soup all over his head,
tallow on b.ls feet and a strip of rag
carpet tied about his middle.
Thus Cuby, like his geographical
namesake, emerged from a violent or
deal of reconstruction with a mangled
constitution, internal dissension, a de
cided preponderance of foreign ele
ment, but a firm and abiding trust iu
the now power with which his for
tunes liud been Irrevocably cast.
Prehistoric lionet* Found.
The Carnegie Museum at Pittsburg
will shortly receive a consignment
from one of Its collectors, a Mr. Peter
son, which will probably cause im
portant discussion In the scientific
world. Mr. Petersen has discovered
iu and below the bed of a creek run
ning near Harrison, Neb., six skele
tons, perfectly preserved by petrett
cation. These are the bones of horses,
'beyond possibility of scientific refuta
tion, but from their size they prove
conclusively that the pro-historic horse
was fuuch smaller than the aiiima)
as it appears nowadays.
Although the skeletons have not
been set up by Mr. Petersen, they
are complete. From the measure
ments taken It Is apparent that the
horses of the time when these were
alive were about tbe size of a two
months-old colt of the present day.
Mr. Peterson found tbe skeletons
while prospecting for relics for the
museums. A small hone, seemingly
an ordinary stone, gave him the first
clue. Following up his find, he ar
rived at a point Indicating to his sci
entific discernment that more bones
were to be found by digging. Three
of the skeletons were found one above
tbe other, though a short dislaueo
apart laterally. The other three were
iu different parts of the creek bed.—
New York Times.
A Musollno Craze.
The seeming impossibility of catch
ing the brigand Musollno, for whose
capture a large price has been offered
by tbe Government, has led to a con
siderable "Musollno literature." Pro
fessor Bcrtollni, of Barl, says that
in that town ulone three "lives" of the
brigand have appeared, and that in all
be is described as a "perfect gentle
man." Boys In the street play at
"Musollno," armed with knives, mari
onette theatres perform plays, of
which the brigand is the hero, to ap
plauding audiences and generally in
South Italy lie is considered the vic
tim of society.
Not long ago the Syndic of Afrlco,
Musolino's native place, went to Home
to petition the Government in favor of
his countryman. Musolino promised
to give himself up to the police if
the Government would guarantee an
inquiry iuto his first trial, when, as
lie says, he was condemned wrong
fully, being then an innocent man.
This was refused, and the bandit i 3
still outlawed and—still uucaught.—
London Daily News.
More Canals, More Households.
The houseboat will become gradual
ly tbe greatest factor iu solving the
problem of what to do with one's sum
mer. It docs away with the rent of
a building site. Change of scene can
be had without the discomfort of
travel and packing. Wind and tide
or a cheaply hired mule will bring
your modern palace where you will.
Health and comfort the maximum
luxury at the minimum cost—these
the houseboat places within the roach
of everyone.—Cosmopolitan.
No Further Use For the TsOjj.
A singular dispute has arisen be
tween the officials of the Miners' Asso
ciation of Essen and the widow of a
deceased member. The latter some
years ago lost ilis leg in an accident,
and was supplied by the assoeiaticu
with an artificial one. When the man
died, Ills false leg was hurled with
him, and now tlie association is call
ing upon tlie widow to have it ex
humed, the limb not having been sold,
but lent.—Loudon Globe.
Where the Drought Will Pinch.
When drought destroys or reduces
crops everybody pities the farmers on
the mistaken supposition that they
are the sole losers. As a matter of
fact it is the rest of the community
that suffer most from a crop short
age. In many cases tile farmers gain
rather than lose in the higher prices
they get for the crops which they do
harvest.
The longest drought rarely affects
all crops disastrously. The recent
drought in the great corn belt did not
affect the wheat at all except to insure
its gathering in the best possible con
dition. The unprecedented wheat crop
will command a ready sale at ad
vanced prices because wheat must be
substituted in a limited degree for
corn. The corn that comes to maturity
will command a high price because
of its comparative scarcity. Hay, oats
and potatoes will all be high in price
—have, in fact, already advanced fat
above the average prices at tins sea
sou of the year. The consumers pay
these advances all along the line and
the farmers profit by them. There
are few American farmers in this
day who stake their entire year's
prosperity upon the corn crop. The
up-to-date farmer puts his eggs in a
good many baskets. The upsetting of
one of them doesn't leave him without
eggs to carry to market.—Philadelphia
Record.
A Snake Experiment.
Professor Dixon, of Yale, who has
been camping on Indian Creek, in
Colorado, has demonstrated the pos
sihility of welding two snakes togeth
er so that their bodies will unite and
continue to grow as one.
While It Is admitted that human
parts could be made to grow together.
It has been contended that the slug
gish circulation of reptiles would mili
tate against such a process in their
case.
The rattler was extended with an
iron hook circling his head. An adder
was obtained and cut in two. The
rattler was treated in the same way.
The tail of the adder was then sewed
to the rattler with a strong thread,
and after twenty-four hours the iron
collar was removed and the com
posite reptile was put into a cage,
where lie squirmed around with every
evidence of vitality
Although the customary warning
rattle was absent on its new tail, the
supply of virus was not diminished
by his curtailment, for when he struck
a rabbit tile latter began to swell,
and in an liour was dead. The meta
morphosed rattler will bo kept under
scientific scrutiny for flic next few
months.—New Y'ork Times.
Immcnie Activity in Autoninhlts Patent
By all odds the automobile section
is the busiest of all divisions of the
Patent OUlce these days. Since all
the fashionable world has taken to
automoblling, and this spot- is no
longer a fad, the Inventors of the
country seem to have turned their a
teution to bringing out improvements
In motors, carriages and other parts.
The number of applications that are
being received for patents on devices
for automobiles is so great that it lias
been found necessary to have five spe
cial examiners on this work. Fou.
separate divisions have been orgar.
Ized to which are referred patent
papers, according to the specific kind
of patent that is demanded. One di
vision handles electric motors, anoth
er steam motors, another gas and
acetylene motors, and another looks
out for the compressed air motors.- ,
American Automobile.
Imliun Coins.
The Indian famines have afforded
coin collectors many opportunities to
acquire rare and old coins, whleli nave
lain buried for a groat uumber of
years. The native has always shown
a very grave suspicion of banks, and
has usually preferred to bury colus in
what was considered a safe spot
Those hiding places are revealed by
father to son, and the accumulations
sometimes go on for generations. In
diro extremity the hoard has to b
trespassed on; coins which have long
since become exceedingly rare are
thus brought to light, and are eagerly
snapped up by collectors. Many of
them are being sold in London at the
present time.—London Chronicle.
A New lira in Printing Offices.
Dirt, disorder and general careless
ness has always been associated with
the public's idea of the appearance of
a country newspaper office. This idea
liaa boon fostered more or less by the
would-be humorous articles and pic
tures of newspaper offices and news
paper editors which appear, and have
been appearing for years, in current
publications. It fe about time to cor
rect this impression, as it is no longer
true of the majority of newspaper
offices. A new era of order and care
ful, clean management has been inau
gurated. It does not pay to be a
sloven, and newspaper publishers have
found it out.—The Journalist.
St. Helena an a State Prison,
It is not generally known that since
its discovery in 1002 St. Helena has
been destined to be a state prison. In
lull tile Portuguese banished a noble
man, named Fernando Lopez, to this
island. Later on the East India Co.
sent a rajah to be interned there, but
be died on the voyage; then came
tlie memorable exile of Napoleon,
which, brought St. Helena into prom
inent notice, and recently, when the
question arose what should be done
with the Boer prisoners of war. St.
Helena naturally suggested Itself as
the safest and most suitable place.
The oldest monkish order Is the Ba
sillans, having been established in A.
D. 30?. The next, the Benedictines,
daws from 02' J.
IF NEWSPAPERS STOPPED.
Result IVoolil Be as If the Eyes of the
World Were Put Out.
In the United States the newspaper
Is a necessity; iu all other countries it
is a luxury. Newspaper reading in
Europe, while not exclusive to the up
per and middle classes, is sufficiently
so to he a generality. The poorer
classes of newspaper readers either
borrow the paper or buy it because
they they eauuot got the raciug re
sults elsewhere.
Buying and reading a newspaper in
Europe are a serious business, naural
ly so when the European style of
paper Is considered. Sometimes there
Is an Item iu it; oftener only speeches.
Americans abroad miss their daily
paper more than they do their pie, or.
In ease of Pittsburgers, their tobies.
Of course every one knows that the
apotbesis of tbe press lias been
reached in America mainly because
this is a free country. Still, what sort
of a life would this be if all tlie print
ing presses were suddenly to slip a
cog between days and staid slipped?
The man of the house arises in the
morning, unlocks the front door, stoops
to pick up the paper, fails to find it,
mutters a hasty objurgation, steps out
on tlie porch, cranes his neck over all
sides, looks in tlie next lot, swears
surprisedly, glances next door, ex
presses a fervent hope for the eternal
future of his neighbors and goes iuto
the house with a slam that wakes
three blocks. The breakfast tastes
oddly, the coffee has an unwonted
twang, tbe clock Is slow and every
thing is out of gear. On tbe way to
town he finds all the otliel' passengers
equally grouchy. The ear seems
strangely quiet without the customary
rustle of the morniug papers and the
chatter of comment upon the day's
news. The weather exhausts the con
versational topic until some one won
ders what has become of all the
papers. Meanwhile the lady of the
house, remembering that this la bar
gain day, vainly seeks the paper for
news of the sale and the costumes
worn by the Brown-Whites at the
Smith-Jones wedding.
AB the weeks and months drag
along without resumption of the
presses, instead of softening the daily
disappointment becomes more acute.
News travels tortuously. One man
hears that Bryan and Hanna met iu a
Chicago hotel and jiummeled tlie life
out of each other. A later version
states that tlicy merely waved hands
as their cars passed. Other rumors
have Sampson apologizing to Schley,
the Boers besieging Loudon, the Sul
tan paying his debts, the Pirates win
ning the pennant, the steel strike set
tled, a Chicago university professor
talking sense and other equally as
tounding occurrences.
The big stores are at their wits' ends
to get news of the bargains to tbe cus
tomers, and the women are bargain
hungry, with no knowledge of the
hour the dinner bell will ring. They
go to town to-morrow an. find the sale
was yesterday. They don't know
style, whether the pulley belt has been
revived or the kangaroo has gone out
of date. Each Is a fashion plate unto
herself. They are frantic half the
time because the woman two doors be
low bought something at n special sale
for $3.Si) that they paid $3.08 for au
hour later.
As election time rolls around the
candidates are scarcer than In the
memory of the oldest inhabitant.
Every man mentioned, except a lew
who had their reputations made by
the newspapers before suspension, i 3
unknown to the vast majority of the
voters. representa
tives and counclimen, even governors,
cabinet ministers, mayors and the
presidential candidates, can no longer
be judge upon their record, because
there is no record. Politicians who
h .ve spent half their public career
publicly cursiug tbe press and the
other half privately trying to sneak in
a free puff find themselves greeted
with blank ignorance of their doings,
sayings and general importance.
All manner of people who detested
newspaper notoriety find life without
It spiritless and dead. Confidence
games are reported ad libitum. Even
the gold brick man is rejuvenated out
cide of politics. Tbe peach crop, the
corn crop, the wheat crop and various
other crops fall with their usual regu
larity, hut whether true or not the
public never knows as It goes down a
little deeper in its pocket to meet the
market. The nation does not know
whether It is a world power or a third
class township, and China is farther
away than Mars.
Through disuse people forget to read
and tlie schools are closed. The Car
negie libraries are the resort of ascetic
students. Families sit around the fires
in the winter evenings or on the
porches in the summer and yawn and
yawn and yawn. Life is getting up In
the morning, working, eating and
drinking and going to bed again.
The world gropes with hesitating
hands, for its eyes are out.—\V. T. Au
dersou, in the l'ittsburg Dispaich.
Ancient Anatomy.
The statues and plaques, carved in
stone and wood, that arc to be seen
in the Gizcli Museum, prove beyond
n doubt, says Sir Norman Lockycr,
that the prlest-mummiflers of Mem
phis GOOO years ago thoroughly under
stood anatomy. Science, lie thinks,
therefore. Is as old as art, and the
two have advanced baud in hand. An
other notewortlity prcof of the an
tiquity of medical science is the fact
that scores of finely-finished surgical
Instruments liavo been excavated, in
Italy, which are, in almost every de
tail of form, precisely like those de
vised in modern times ant: used by
the most advanced surgeons of to-day.
It may appear strange, but a bread
minded, man is not the out that has
the big head.
A Bud Break.
Philosopher in petticoats,
Her face no wrinkles carried;
No graven lines of discontent
On her fair features tarried.
She bought some exposition plates,
And here iny story ceases;
She broke one and her troubled faco
Now carries all the pieces.
—Chicago flecord-Herald.
rienty of It.
"IXe seems rather proud of his Ignor
ance."
"Yes; well, he's got a good big lot
! of it."—Chicago Record-Herald.
Art. X,
"Is It true that Doddesly has good *
taste in art?"
"Well, if you call choosing a few
fruit pictures for his dining-room good
taste, he has it." —Detroit Journal.
The Secret.
Ella—"Bella told me that you told
her that secret I told you uot to tell
1 her."
Stella—"She's a mean thing—l told
her not to tell you I told her."
Ella—"Well! I told her I wouldn't
tell you she told me—so don't tell her
I did."—Brooklyn Life.
One l'oint Aliend.
Jones—"The big newspapers beat
the magazines."
Brown —"How's that?"
Jones—"Well, when you buy a big
newspaper you get a lot of magazine
news; but when you buy a magazine
you don't get any newspaper news."
—Chicago Record-Herald.
An I':.i(ilmugo of Compliments.
Man on Bridge—"Time can't he very
valuable with you, my friend. I've
been watching you for two hours, aud ,_4
you haven't had a bite."
Sinn on Bank—"My time's wuth too
much, by gum, to waste two licura of
it watohin' a man tish that aiu't ketch
in' nothin'!"—Chicago Times.
No Cau.o for Complaint.
Mr. Ferguson—"Did you have a good
time at Mrs. liighmore's tea, Laura?"
Mrs. Ferguson—"No; 1 was miser
ably lonesome."
| Mr. B'ergusou—"Lonesome?'.'
! Mrs. Ferguson—"Yes; 1 was the oidy
j woman there who hadn't been having
I trouble with her help."—Chicago Trib
j uue.
Beauty's Advantage.
"I wouldn't be so concerned about
my looks, Etlieliuda," said the home
ly husband,' crossly. "Beauty is only
skin deep."
"I know it, Melchior," snapped the
pretty wife, still inspecting the effect
of her new hat in the mirror, "hut
ugliness goes clear through."—Chi
cago Tribune.
Not Over-Elated.
"I suppose," said the effusive lady
who was visiting the Meektons, "that
| your wife Is sure that she has the heat
j husband that ever lived?"
"Y'es," answered Meektou, with
I something like a sigh; "but at the
I same time 1 don't believe she thinks
I that is saying much for me."—Wash
ington Star.
Has Ills Approval.
She —"Ob, Fred, you are so noble, so
generous, so handsome, so chivalrous,
so much the superior of every man I
meet, I can't help loving you. Now,
what eau you see in plain little me to
admire?"
He—"Oh, I don't know, dear; but
you certainly have very good judg
ment."—Tit-Bits.
Plain People.
"The payple Ol lived wld before,"
said tlie new cook, "wor very plain,
ma'am."
"Well, are we not plain here?" asked
the lady.
"Troth, ye are so, ma'am, hut iu a
different way. The others wor plain in
their way o' livin', not In their looks,
ma'am."—Philadelphia Press.
lit? Kpßlly 1)1(1.
"My dear," said Mr. Hawkins to his
better-half, "do you know that you
have one of tho best voices in the
world V"
"Indeed?" replied the delighted Mrs.
I , with a flush of pride at the
compliment. "Do you really think so?"
"I certainly do," continued the heart
less husband, "otherwise it would
have been worn out long ago."—Tit-
Bits.
Couldn't Do It. y
"Unhand me, wretch!" J
The tense tones of the neroine float- J,
cd out over the auditorium, and tho
people in the boxes stopped right lu
the middle of their conversation.
It was, indeed, a crucial moment
The villain gazed at her with a cold,
cruel sneer on his grease paint. Then
he hissed:
_ "I am no surgeon."
But next performance the stage
manager made him out that out.—Bal
timore Amerleau.
llow 110 Lost It.
The boy iu tears naturally attract
ed the attention of the sympathetic
man.
"What's happened, my hoy?" tho
hitter asked. "Perhaps I cau help
you."
"I lost a quarter," answered the
boy, "and when I go home I'll get
licked for it."
"Oh, well, don't cry," returned the
sympathetic man. "Here's another
quarter. Hew did you lose the flrst V
one?" 'V
"Matching," promptly replied the '
boy. "I have no luck at a IL"—Chicago 1
Post. J